Written In The Stars
by EclipseoftheTwilightMoon
Summary: Bella tells best friend, Edward, she loves him & he wants to stay friends. Bella moves on to another guy, but she comes back into Edward's life & he realizes he loves her too. He has to fight to win her back before she marries someone else. All human, OOC
1. Prologue: Too Late

_Summary: Bella tells best friend, Edward, she loves him & he wants to stay friends. Bella moves on to another guy, but she comes back into Edward's life & he realizes he loves her too. He has to fight to win her back before she marries someone else. All human, OOC, AU._

Author's Note: This story is being read over by my friend, Sweet Pea. So I guess you can call her my unofficial Beta. Thank you so much for your help. This story means everything to me and I want it to become what I see in my head, and with your help I think it will.

Please review and let me know what you think too.This is my first Twilight fan fic that is all human and I would like to hear what people have to say.

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I have also decided to put a song with each chapter. It will either be something that I think fits each chapter or something that I was listening to when I wrote it.

Prologue's Song: It Could Have Been Me - Billy Ray Cyrus  
Reasoning: Well, I thought the lyrics say it all. If you haven't heard the song. Check it out.

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Written In The Stars_

EclipseoftheTwilightMoon

**Prologue: Too Late**

_**Present-Day**_

She is going to marry another man, one that doesn't deserve her kisses, her caresses, and her love. She is everything a man could desire, and more. She is my angel, my soul mate. I never thought that I would find my soul mate when I was nine. Before my eyes, she became the most fascinating, beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life.

I'm in love with my best friend. I never knew that someone could wrap themselves up in our lives as a trusted confidant, and then take control over our heart. Over time, my feelings for her have deepened, became more intense. The longing that I have for her breaks my heart, because she is soon to be out of my reach.

I shouldn't be here. I should be anywhere but here. Sleep wasn't something that could come to me, so I got on my motorcycle and lost myself in the night. Everywhere I went, the image of her flashed before my eyes. Like a ghost, she haunted me, floating in my thoughts. The lake, the field that I danced with her, the bar that I finally saw her for what she really was tugged at my heart strings, making me ache with want. Normally the rumble of the engine beneath me would calm me, but not today. I couldn't forget her. All I could see in my mind was her chocolate eyes, her flowing brunette hair, her gentle heart-shaped face, and the many curves of her body. A body that I wanted so badly, the lips I wanted to kiss. I want everything she has and could offer. All I could do was stare at the stained-glass windows of the church that held the wedding of my love, a wedding that I was not the groom at.

I had been a fool. I let her slip through my fingers. It was really stupid on my part. She tells me that she loves me, wants me, and I tell her that it would be better for us to be friends. I didn't want to take a chance of losing her, losing the only thing that matters. But, in the end, I still lost everything. I just wanted to be near her and now my only way of doing so is to stare at the building that holds the woman I love. Dressed in an exquisite wedding dress draped in silks, looking up into someone else's eyes preparing to say vows before God to love, honor, and cherish him. The thought of that made me feel sick, like I want to die.

Damn it to hell! I screwed up royally and I was paying for it. I could have all these loving feelings for her, but would it really matter? I didn't do enough to make her see how much I love her and that it was my love that she wanted, not his. I wanted to punch something, but what's the use in that? Sitting here wasn't going to help me either. She was getting married, and it wasn't me at her side, and it was my fault. How could I have been so stupid? A beautiful woman tells me she loves me and I refuse her.

I was definitely not acting like the typical man. If it would have been any other woman I would have used her until I was bored and then get rid of her. I had so many women in my life and they were nothing to me. But not Bella. I love her. I couldn't stand seeing her hurt and even worse knowing I was the cause. Maybe it was the thought of hurting my best friend, or maybe my heart knew something that I wasn't conscious of at the time, that she was the love of my life.

The more I sat there in the parking lot staring up at the church the angrier I got. I had to get out of there. To flee with the wind and leave my thoughts behind me. To let the speed consume me until my mind is so numb I couldn't feel. Maybe then I would start to forget.

I was about to start my bike, when I heard a slam of doors of the church. Turning back to the doorway stood my angel dressed in a gorgeous wedding dress, her hair falling down around her face.

Her eyes were filled with tears. Each teardrop was like a knife into my soul. I locked eyes with her. Everything was quiet, and in that moment I wanted to jump up and sweep her up into my arms and comfort her and protect her from whatever was causing her harm. But what if I was the cause of her pain?

She began to take steps toward me. It was as if she was fighting her own personal demons. Like she was unsure of if she wanted to come any closer to me. I wanted her to. I wanted to wipe away all the tears from her lovely face and wrap my arms around her. But what claim did I have? I had lost, hadn't I?

I finally got enough courage to speak, though I didn't really know what to say to her. "Bella?" I whispered.

I wouldn't have noticed the man behind her if I hadn't heard the doors slam again. Both our attentions turned to a man standing just outside the door. Dressed in his silken tuxedo, he stared at both of us. When he saw me, I knew he wanted to rip me apart. He blamed me for this. His dark eyes bored into my soul and I know he wanted me dead this very moment.

"Bella, I love you. I want you to be my wife. Please, come back inside." He begged.

I watched the struggle in her eyes. Her voice was barely a whisper when she turned to him. "I don't think I can. I don't know what to do."

Her eyes traveled back to mine and I wanted to beg her to stay with me, love me, to marry me. I knew I couldn't do that to her, that would have been selfish. I had already done too much to her. This was her choice.

With a trembling voice, I spoke to her.

"I love you, Bella. You are my heart, my soul, my everything. I was such a fool to tell you all those years ago that I didn't want your love. I missed out on so much with you, but this is your choice. I have been a complete asshole to you about your feelings for me, but you have always believed that I was this good and sweet person. You make me want to be that person. I'm tired of the womanizing, I want a person that means something to me, and that person is you. If you love him more than me, I will go away and leave you to your happiness. The only thing that really matters is your happiness."

After I told her what I felt, it was as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, but now it was a waiting game. Bella's eyes moved from me to the eyes of her fiancé. The question was who she would pick, me or Jacob Black.


	2. Chapter 1: Memories Of Friendship

First off, to all the people that have started reading this story. Thank you. It means a lot to me and I have been putting my heart and soul into this story. I hope that you continue to enjoy it as things go on.

This story starts when Edward and Bella are seniors in high school and moves toward the present. The prologue allows you to see where we are headed and then what will eventually happen to Bella and Edward. Many of the events of the story has either happened to myself or to my close friends. I hope you find some of them as funny as I do at times.

Please review. The more reviews I get, the quicker I write new chapters. Plus I love hearing your thoughts and feelings about my work.

Again, this chapter was unofficially Betaed by my friend, Sweet Pea. You are an angel. Thank you so much for your help.

Disclaimer: The Twilight series and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

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Chapter 1: Memories of Friendship Song - Check Yes Or No - George Strait  
Reasoning: The song has some lyrics that closely tie in with the story.

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**Chapter 1: Memories of Friendship**

**_September 2003_**

"Bella, get out of bed. You're going to be late."

Groaning, I rolled over in bed and shoved my head down in the pillow. Renee Swan was just too perky in the morning. At times, I wondered if she didn't pick up the wrong baby at the hospital to take home because we were nothing alike. After pulling the covers back up around my head and was settled enough that I could fall back asleep, I felt the covers being ripped off my body and I jerked around to see her standing at the foot of my bed.

"Up."

I glanced at the alarm clock to see it read 5:30 in the morning. Snatching back the covers I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. Again, the covers were taken and this time she didn't release them. I rolled over to stare at her.

"It's too early," I groaned, "Let me sleep."

My mother's tone said it all. "You shouldn't have let Edward break your truck then. Now you have to depend on him getting you to school. Get in the shower. He'll be here early you know."

Watching her leave the room, I kept wondering how she was actually my mother. I picked up my glasses that were lying beside my bed, put them on, and finally climbed out. I almost stumbled to the floor, but that wasn't anything really new though. Morning wasn't my best time of day. I required a few hours worth of wake up time to be able to walk.

After grabbing my toiletries, I went into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I was internally grumbling at Edward. My mom was right too. I shouldn't have let him break my truck, now it's at his house, parked next to his car being fixed. He wanted to try off-road driving with my truck and it ended up breaking all my shocks, so the engine now required a complete tune-up. I really hated him sometimes.

It's at times when he does these kinds of things that I questioned my sanity about being his friend. Edward Cullen wasn't your typical guy. He just had this way of doing things and most people really didn't understand him. I, however, have been his friend since my family moved to Forks all those years ago. Some days I would think back to those moments. It almost seems like yesterday when it happened.

"_Mom, I don't want to go to school here. I am going to miss Sarah and Maggie. I can't go to school without them."_

_I remember my mom taking my hand and leading me up the steps of Forks Elementary school and into the principal's office. _

_She leaned down and whispered, "You will be fine, Bella. Kids move to new schools all the time and you will make new friends."_

_After what felt like forever, Mom lead me down the hallway past the other classrooms and stopped in front of the door that had a large three by it. Third grade. . . Meeting my eyes, she realized I was terrified._

_Wrapping her arms around me she gave me a sense of security, but I knew that she couldn't stay here like that with me all day or forever. She looked at me and smiled. "Bella, you will be fine. You will make all kinds of new friends and soon this place will be like it was back in Marion." She kissed me on the forehead and released me from her touch. Motioning to me to open the door, I reached out, turned the knob and pulled the door open. I looked once more at my mother before I urged myself inside._

_Everyone in the room stared at me. I never liked being the center of attention but I was at this point. Crossing the room, I stood before the teacher with the small handful of papers that I had to give her. She appeared to be very nice. She was small in stature, and had brilliant eyes. Her voice sent me to a place of comfort._

"_Hello, Isabella. I'm Mrs. Kern. Welcome to Forks."_

_I blushed. I wasn't used to people calling me by my full name. "Just Bella, please." She smiled and took my hand and led me to the front of the class. _

"_Class, this is Bella Swan, she just moved here from Marion, Illinois. I know you all will make her feel welcome here and please help her if she needs it."_

_I blushed again at the attention. She led me across the room to an open desk and that was when I saw him. He had the greenest eyes ever and his bronze hair was a mess. He looked up at me with cold eyes, and it frightened me even more. _

_Mrs. Kern told me to sit down there and she retrieved me some textbooks to put in my desk. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched the bronze-haired, green- eyed boy next to me. He seemed just annoyed that he had to be there._

_The boy a seat over leaned over and whispered, "Hey, Edward… kickball at lunch?"_

"_Jasper, that is a really stupid question to ask me. Yes."_

_Edward…_

_The day went on and on, but I spoke to no one. I was just too shy to talk to anyone. I had never been one to be too talkative, and it was clear now too. I ate lunch alone, but I saw the boys called Edward and Jasper eating lunch with another boy and two girls. I didn't know why I was fascinated with Edward. I never really played with that many boys back home. They had cooties. He glanced over my way when I was looking, but I glanced down at my food in hopes that he hadn't noticed me staring at him._

_Lunch recess was very uneventful for the most part, but it was near the end that the problems came up. Two girls came up to me while I was on the swing and stood in front of me, blocking me. One, who was obviously the ring leader, spoke to me with a very nasal voice. "I'm Lauren. This is Jessica."_

"_Hello."_

_The one called Lauren then pulled at my shirt and sneered at it. "You must be poor, because you don't have very nice clothes." I looked up at her and I was terrified. Both girls started to laugh at me and when I tried to get away from them, Jessica pushed me to the ground. _

_I didn't want to cry in front of them, but I couldn't help myself. While this had happened more and more kids were circling around me. Second, third, and forth graders were all laughing at me. _

"_Hey… leave her alone."_

_I looked up to see those green eyes again looking at me. He was pushing kids away from me and placed himself in front of me. He looked very menacing too. The group acted as if they wanted to get involved more but the sight of another boy scared them off. He was huge! _

"_Got this under control, Eddie?"_

_He glared back at him, "Yes, Emmett." He didn't move from his stance in front of me either. _

_Lauren stood in front of the group and glared at him. "I guess you have another freak to add your group of friends, but I wouldn't want her with me either if I was you. I thought you had better taste than someone like her, Cullen."_

_The group scattered and I still sat on the ground, trying to wipe away my tears. What really surprised me was the hand that was extended in front of me. I looked up to meet his green eyes. He looked almost sad. I took his hand and stumbled some and he caught me to keep me from falling to the ground again. I tried not to look him in the eyes, but he took his fingers and raised my face so that our eyes met._

"_Are you okay?"_

_I nodded. He smiled at me and helped me to my feet. I thought he would turn around and go back to his friends. I was going to go back to my swing and leave them alone too. He reached out and grabbed my hand to stop me though._

"_Come with us."_

_I stared at him and looked to the others that were with him. The two boys looked confused but not really upset at the thought of me being with them. One of the girls, one that I recognized from class this morning, looked rather annoyed by my presence. The other, small and very pixie-like, was jumping up and down next to that I knew to be called Jasper. She dashed over to my side._

"_Hi, I'm Alice. I'm Edward's sister, the big guy over there is our older brother, Emmett, and they are Jasper and Rosalie Hale."_

_Alice seemed really sweet, but a little on the hyper side. The school bell rang to tell us to go back to class and Alice took my hand and walked with me. When we got back inside, I noticed that Alice went into the second grade class and Emmett to the forth. I stood there and turned to see Edward staring at me._

_He extended his hand to me again, and I wrapped my own around his. "I'm Edward Cullen, it's very nice to meet you."_

"_Bella Swan."_

"_Jingle Bells…"_

_I smiled at that. I thought it was cute. He led me to my seat and the rest of the day he helped me with everything. I would glance over at him and when our eyes met, he would smile back at me. _

_I then did the most childish thing. I passed him a note. It read:_

_**Would you be my best friend? Check yes or no.**_

_**Yes No**_

_He read it. He pulled out a pencil, wrote on it, and passed it back to me. I opened the note see a check. He checked yes. I turned to him and he smiled back to me. I had never had a best friend, not even back home. _

_Most of all, I remember when we walked out school that day. He took my hand and led me out of the school and I saw my mom waiting for me. I told him bye, and that I would see him tomorrow and he just smiled back to me. It was a sense of security. He was my safe place in that school now. _

"Bella… hurry up."

I shook my head and finally finished getting ready. I was back in my room, in front of the closet, when I heard the rumble of his car. He had to make it as loud as possible. The neighbors hated it, but I thought it sounded awesome. Being his friend made me appreciate cars more.

I was standing in a bra and a pair of jeans when he came into my room.

"Hey Jingle Bells."

He still thought he was so cute and funny.

I sighed. "You know, you can actually call me by my name, Edward."

"What would the fun be in that?" He chuckled.

He threw himself on my bed while I was still searching for a shirt to wear. I turned to see that he was in his typical black t-shirt, tight blue jeans, and motorcycle boots. His hair was the normal bronze mess, and his eyes still sparkled like emeralds. All the girls in school thought he was gorgeous. I didn't know what the big deal was. They thought he was this "bad boy" too. He wasn't really, but it was clear that they didn't care about that. They just wanted him to get in their pants. It was rather annoying being his friend at times.

"Come on, Bells. Your mom has food and I'm hungry."

"Go eat then."

I turned to look at him and he glared at me. He always would wait on me to change clothes before we did anything. I don't know why, but he did. I finally pulled out an old volleyball t-shirt from last years season, and grabbed my backpack.

"You are such a geek, Bells."

"I might be, but I am going to get into a good college."

He shook his head and took my bag from me and I followed him down the stairs. He was in the kitchen at the table eating some of my mom's homemade cinnamon rolls in seconds. I pulled my hair up in a low ponytail and joined him there.

"So, you ready for our senior year, J.B?"

Another one of my many nicknames from him. I couldn't think of one for him except 'royal pain in my ass', but that wasn't nice so I kept it to myself.

"I guess. I have to do good though. I want a scholarship. Plus I have to retake my ACT to get a higher score."

He rolled his eyes. "You worry too much, Bella. You are going be valedictorian and you are stressing over this crap."

His parents had more money than they knew what to do with and he thinks I am crazy for stressing. Carlisle Cullen was a brilliant surgeon and his wife, Esme, was a great interior designer. So money wasn't an issue. I on the other hand had parents that were a kindergarten teacher and the local police chief. I wanted to be somebody, to get out of this place. Forks was just not the place that I wanted to be. Edward on the other hand, was happy being here for the most part. He had his family, his garage and his car, "Christine." Yes, he named his car.

"You two better move or you are going to be late," exclaimed my mother.

I looked at the clock and saw it was five till eight. I grabbed my bag from Edward and we were out the door.

"Thanks, Mrs. S. Breakfast was awesome," called Edward as he rushed out behind me.

I climbed into the passenger seat, and he turned the ignition as the car roared to life. He slammed the car in reverse and was out of the driveway in minutes. I really wish this car had seatbelts… because I really wanted to arrive at school alive.

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Again, I ask for you to review my story. I want to know what you like about my story and such. EclipseoftheTwilightMoon


	3. Chapter 2: Doubting the Friendship

The Normal Stuff: The Twilight series and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Check out the stories on my faves, they are really good. Support my friends Stormy Bella and twilightgurl22. Their stories are awesome. Also, check out the work by ashel-13. Her stories are great too.

Please review and let me know what you think. I love them and they make me want to write more and more.

This story is being Betaed by my friend, whom I call Sweet Pea. She is the best and I love her dearly for this. Good luck with your test too.

I dedicate this chapter to the two people that have helped me inspire this story, though I doubt they will ever really know. You both are such good people and I hope that you both end up happy, eventually. Also, to CARLISLE'SDARKETERNALQUEEN, Stormy Bella, and twilightgurl22... you all rock!

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Note Cody and Brandon are real people. Yes, they were guys that I had crushes on in high school. I changed the last names for their security, but I couldn't bring myself to change their first names. If you met them, you would understand why. Also, I will be putting up a picture on my profile to let you know what Edward's car looks like too. My best friend actually has this car, and its so cool.

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Chapter 2: Doubting the Friendship song: First Day Of The Rest Of My Life - MxPx  
Reasoning: I loved the tempo for starters, but mostly it has a lot of things to add since this is Bella's first day of high school as a senior.

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Chapter 2: Doubting the Friendship

Edward loves his car. It's not just any car though. It's his 1955 Ford Thunderbird. Midnight blue with a black top. The car was a product of hours of work done by himself, Emmett, and Jasper. Some days they would never leave the garage, which was located at Edward's house. I would go by to see Alice and I would find them tuning the engine or doing more body work to it. He finally got to start driving it at the end of our junior year of high school. It was his pride and joy. My main worry was that before a certain year, cars weren't required to have seat belts. This car didn't have any and he drove like a mad man at times.

When he turned into the parking lot at Forks High it slung me across the car and almost into his lap.

"You know you should hold on to something, Swan."

I turned to look at him with disgust but he gave me that sparkling smile and I couldn't stay mad at him. He pulled the car into a space and we were out of the car and running toward building one. Luckily we had first hour together with Mr. Banner. The tardy bell was ringing as soon as we slid into seats located at the back of the room. Mr. Banner, however, didn't like Edward too much and normally gave him a hard time whenever he was in class with him.

"Mr. Cullen, I hope this isn't going to be a constant problem this year."

I turned to look at him. He glanced my way and looked as if he wanted to be a smart ass to Mr. Banner. Glaring at him to keep his mouth shut, he smiled back to him. "No, Mr. Banner."

Mr. Banner was shocked because he went back to what he was doing without saying a word. I let out a sigh of relief when that happened. Last year I had to help get Edward out of trouble for God knows how many times. Finally, after I knew I wasn't being watched, I elbowed him in the side.

"If you start this crap from the beginning, I won't help you."

He chuckled, "Come on Bells, you know you find it funny."

"Not really. I got to have this class, Edward. You have to behave yourself. I know it's a hard concept for you, but for me. Please?"

"Fine, Bella. Since you asked me that way."

Mr. Banner taught the College Biology class. The local community college was offering college credit for this class and the school was giving credit as well. I wanted to get as many college credits before I graduated so that I would need less time in college and I would be off to get a good job. I had been Edward's lab partner since freshman science and we were required to keep the same partner throughout school too so that meant that Edward couldn't be goofing off in this class or I would be paying for it.

The class was actually pretty uneventful and when the bell rang the class scattered to go to their other classes. I didn't have that many classes with Edward this year, because I was almost ready to graduate before the year started, so that meant that I had a lot of free time during the day. Edward, however, was taking a few classes over.

"See you in the library, Bells."

I was off to the front office. During second period I was an office worker. Only selected students got to work in the office. However, since school was just starting back, I really didn't have much to do so I pulled out my normal book and read the entire hour. I was going to hate this. I only had four required classes and four free hours. I was sort of bummed out because I wouldn't see any of my friends until fourth hour.

After what felt like forever, the bell rang again and I was off to the library. I was lucky there. Being a student library worker helped when I had to work on papers for classes since I had constant access to the internet. And it was also the gossip center of the entire school. If anything was happening, it would eventually make it to the library. Edward on the other hand, had multimedia class in the library.

"Bella… I get to see your smiling face in the mornings. It's a great thing."

I smiled as I saw the librarian, Mrs. O'Brien sitting at her desk. Not far off I could see the library aide, who most of us called Shelly, putting the new books on the shelves. It was never a boring time in the Forks High School library. Something was always going on and it was always a possibility that it might have started here.

I was standing quietly when I felt arms wrapping around me. I squealed to the musical laughter of Edward. I turned around to give him a death look, but again, he gave me that normal Edward smile which caused me to instantly forgive him.

"You should have seen your face, Bells. It was priceless."

"You know, you are really a jerk at times."

I marched off toward Shelly and Edward was following closely behind me, but was stopped by Mrs. O'Brien because she was getting ready to start the multimedia class. I laughed at him and he marched back over toward the computers. Serves him right.

Shelly was putting books away and that was when I picked up a pile of books and began to help.

"So…Bella, have a nice summer?"

I sighed, "I guess okay."

"Edward driving you crazy?"

"Do you really have to ask me that one?"

She about dropped the books she had in her hands when I said that. When she laughed she brightened everything up, no matter how bad they were. Shelly was just that type of person and the whole student body loved her. After that, we didn't really talk that much, but she said something that really surprised me.

"You know, I was thinking over the summer about you and Edward."

I was really confused when she said that. "Why?"

She kept working but continued to ramble on about her thoughts. "I realized that you two are so close and you know how the school likes to talk and the rumors that have been going on about you two dating…"

I sighed. There have been rumors of me dating Edward since junior high. We never really paid that much attention to them. Most people really didn't talk to me, but Edward on the other hand was in high demand by the female population and most females thought that I wasn't even in Edward's league. I knew I wasn't either, but it really didn't matter to me. Edward was my friend. Not just my friend, my best friend. I was not a leggy blonde or anything like that. That was his type. Edward liked the leggy blonde bimbos that would go around saying, "Look at me. Look at me." I wasn't that. I was ordinary.

"Yeah, Shelly. You know they aren't true too."

"Yeah, Bella, but have you thought that maybe you should?"

My head jerked to look at her. Shelly's eyes were very sincere too. She couldn't be suggesting that I actually date Edward Cullen. She couldn't be. She was talking about the Edward that protected me from Lauren in the third grade or fought off guys that wanted to pick on me or protected me from all of Alice's attempts to take me shopping with her.

"I don't think so, Shelly. Edward really isn't my type."

"Bella, I know you have liked guys like Cody and Brandon, but they never would have understood you. Edward does."

I sighed when I remembered my two past crushes. Cody Wilson and Brandon Chambers. Lord, I really wished I could forget them. I rubbed my eyes trying to force them from my memories.

Thankfully, the bell rang. I said bye to Shelly and was off to College English. As I came into the room I noticed that both Jasper and Rosalie were already there and as always, had a seat saved for me.

"Hey Bella. How's it going today?"

Jasper was always enthusiastic with me. Rosalie however, could be cold if she wanted to.

"Boring actually. I think this is going to be horrible. I have so much free time I think I am going crazy."

"Doubt that, Bella. You spend too much of your time doing homework, you'll use the time," stated Rosalie. She was never one to spend too much time on anything besides her wardrobe and shopping.

She was right though. I spent massive amounts of time on homework. Edward even fixed me a spot in his garage that I could do homework there, since I basically lived there all the time. I was just too predictable. Sighing I listened to the teacher go over the syllabus for the class and as quick as it started it was over. It was time for lunch.

As soon as I made it to my locker, I saw Edward standing there. He was flashing me a smile which meant one of two things. Either he was already in trouble or he needed me to do something for him.

"What do you want, Edward?"

"Can't I just be happy to see my friend?" He grabbed my hand and started to lead me to the gym. It was always open to let students play basketball during lunch, which I didn't have at school. Lunch, I mean. I would normally eat after school.

"Edward, you are talking to me. I know you like a book. What do you want?"

Sighing he sat down on the bleachers and I sat down next to him.

"It's not really that I need anything, just need to talk to you about something."

"Okay… what?"

He kept staring down at the bleachers which worried me some. He never avoided me. Something was going on. I kept looking at him until he brought his gaze back to me. His emerald eyes were giving off a look of concern, maybe even worry.

"You know I don't talk too much about my dating life, right?"

"Yeah…"

"I don't want everyone in my business, but I think now I am going to have to tell you about part of it."

I didn't like how this was sounding either. He was acting weird.

"Bella, I have been dating Lauren for about a month or so and it's been getting pretty serious."

I was taken aback by that. That wasn't something I was expecting to hear. She was his type, and I should have known that it would eventually come down to that.

"Oh. Okay."

Something in his eyes was bothering me. There was more.

"Bella, she really doesn't want me to be around you."

Searching his eyes, I wanted to know how serious he was about this. His eyes told me he was dead serious. Well, it was looking pretty clear to what he was going to do, so I was going to take myself out of the equation before he would have to make that choice.

I stood up and began to go back down the bleachers. What surprised me was his hand grabbing me and swinging me back around and almost into his lap. His hands never released my arm.

"Let me go, Edward."

"Hold up for a second, Bella. You didn't let me finish."

"I don't think I need to hear the rest. You have the right to date whoever you want and if that is what your girlfriend wants, I'm gone."

I jerked my arm out of his grip to have him pull me down into his lap. He wrapped his arms around me and I struggled to get away from him.

"Bella, I told her that I would choose you over her. I wanted to warn you that she is really pissed off with me and she will likely take it out on you."

I stopped struggling and finally turned back to look at him. His eyes looked distressed, maybe because I was about to jump to conclusions about him. Maybe he thought I lost faith in our friendship or something. Then I started to worry that maybe I hurt him by overreacting about the situation with Lauren.

"I'm sorry."

I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. Stupid tears! I felt him move me on his lap to face him and his thumbs were wiping away the ones that had already begun to fall.

"Its always going to be the two of us, Bells. No matter what happens in the future. I'll always choose you. If a woman can't understand that you are my friend, then I don't want to be with them."

I slid out of his lap to sit right beside him. He wrapped his arm around me and I put my head on his shoulder. I always felt safe with him. He was my sanctuary from all the bad things that I dealt with in a day.

After what felt like forever, the rest of our group was showing up. Rosalie was alone since her other half, Emmett, was now going to the local community college and she was closely followed by Jasper and Alice.

Alice was bounding up the stairs when she noticed that I had been crying.

"Edward, what have you done to her?"

He looked annoyed that the first thing that would come to her mind was that he had done something to me. Alice was a little temperamental about how her brother acted at times, especially if it concerned how he was treating me.

"I haven't done anything. It was more of a misunderstanding, right, Bella?"

I nodded and leaned into his side. Alice kept looking at me to make sure I wasn't covering for her older brother. After she was apparently satisfied with his answer, she started talking about everything that was going on.

I kept my thoughts to myself though. I began to question why I freaked out about Edward dating Lauren. It really shouldn't matter who my friend dates. I never really have been interested in what he did with his dating life. I wasn't clueless. I heard things when I was around town about him. He was a partier. That was part of his life that I wasn't a part of either. I had also heard some rumors about how good he was in bed too. Not that it really mattered to me in the least. He was not virtuous by any means, but I respected him.

Honestly, we were complete opposites. He was the bad boy, I was the geek. I wasn't really like anyone in our group of friends either. Emmett and Rosalie were like little rabbits and would bring up their sex life at any moment. Alice and Jasper were overly affectionate, and Edward just cloaked his whole sex life in shadows. I didn't have one. Not that I was overly worried about having a sex life anyway.

It just felt odd to react like that to Edward. Normally, we were pretty easy to get along with. We never fought about stuff, well nothing really serious. Maybe it had something to do with Lauren. I hated that bitch and she returned the feelings to me. Jealousy maybe.

The next thing I knew was I was being elbowed in the ribs. I turned to see Edward looking at me.

"Are you going to answer my question, Swan, or am I going to have to try to read your mind?"

"What did you ask?"

"Do you have volleyball practice tonight?"

Volleyball. The only sport I could actually play and not hurt someone. I had played through junior high and into high school. I was actually pretty good too.

"I think so. I am not looking forward to it now, since you told me about Lauren though. I am betting she is planning something with Jessica to make my life miserable."

"Sorry," he mumbled. It was clear that he was sincere about it too. He perked up enough to ask me another question though. "Do you want me to pick you up? I know Charlie and your mom are going to be out of town and well, I have your truck."

I glared at him when he mentioned my poor truck. My 1992 Chevrolet Silverado Z71 quarter ton. He broke it. Every time I thought about it, it made me angrier. I could even feel a growl growing deep within my chest.

"I think it would be a good idea since I don't have a ride home and I don't want to walk." My voice showed my annoyance with him, but he knew it was nothing to be too concerned about though. "Remind me after you fix it, not to let you drive it anymore."

The bell to go back to class finally rang and everyone that was sitting there scattered, but he helped me up and down the bleachers. He was a good friend. He took really good care of me too. I was really lucky to have someone like him in my life.

The rest of the day was so boring. I had my College Math class, PE, and the last two hours of the day were spent in the guidance councilor's office. I was her student assistant for the year. I didn't do much there, but I was so glad to hear the final bell for the day. I barely got out of the door when I saw Edward leaning up against the wall, waiting for me.

"So, Swan, how's the first day as a senior feeling?"

"It came, it went. I'm ready for graduation now."

He laughed at me and took my stuff from me. He walked with me to my locker and he took the stuff I wasn't going to need with him, since I would see him later on. I grabbed the clothes I had for volleyball out of my bag and told him bye. The next thing I knew, I was heading across campus to the gym.

I had a feeling of dread too. I knew I would be coming face to face with Lauren and her group of cohorts. I wondered if Edward was right for me to be concerned about her. As I pushed the doors of the gym open I noticed Lauren and her group staring at me. It didn't take me long to know it wasn't staring either. It was more like a look of death. I wasn't scared though because I didn't have a reason to be. Lauren was more talker than a fighter. I crossed the gym to the locker room and pulled off my regular clothes and into my practice clothes. Pushing the doors open I began to wonder what was in store for me, but I knew it would all work out, no matter what they would say or do to me.

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Remember, please review. Thanks. EclipseoftheTwilightMoon


	4. Chapter 3: People Never Change

Hi.

I know its been a while. Actually I had this chapter done, but I have been a little busy with stuff around home. Plus I had sent it to my Beta and she has been sick and all.

My Beta is also getting ready to go on a trip to Vietnam, which is where her family is originally from, so I am going to go ahead with my story on my own. I try to catch all my flaws and such, so don't bash me on the grammar stuff. I am normally pretty good about catching stuff, so cross your fingers for me.

I want to thank Sweet Pea, you are a sweet heart, you are the best too. Love ya! Thanks for being my Beta up until now. I hope that when you get back from your trip that you get to read my stuff and enjoy it. Plus you know I'll always ask for your opinions and such. I value you too much.

The Normal Stuff: Twilight and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Check out my faves and support my buddies, twilightgurl22 and Stormy Bella.

I dedicate this chapter to the people that have never changed on me, so that means my friends and family. Especially... CARLISLE'SDARKETERNALQUEEN, Sweet Pea, twilightgurl22, and I can't forget my partner in crime, Autumn. I love you all dearly and I hope things never change between us. Friends forever is what I say!!

Don't forget to review too. Love to read them.

Again, sorry for the wait.  
EclipseoftheTwilightMoon

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Chapter 3 Song: I Love Rock N Roll - Joan Jett & The Blackhearts  
Reason: Personally I think its just a great song. Put me in a good mood while I wrote.

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Chapter 3: People Never Change

As I crossed the gym of Forks High, I knew I was in for at least two hours of hell, especially since Lauren and Jessica were present. I sat down on the floor and began to stretch out. I was sitting far enough away that I couldn't be bothered, but close enough that I could hear Lauren's clique talk.

"I can't believe he dumped me… for her. It's not like she is going to have sex with him."

I rolled my eyes as I continued to listen to her talk. Everyone in the group had to put in their two cents. The overall thought of the group was the Edward Cullen was loosing his mind to pick the plain, ordinary, geeky Bella Swan over the hot and sexy Lauren Mallory.

My mind kept running while I listened to them. I concluded that they didn't understand that you could be a man and a woman and still be best friends. I didn't have any feelings for Edward, at least not in that way, and I knew he didn't see me as anything more than a friend too. I was happy with the relationship that I had with Edward. If I needed him, he would be there for me, and it was the same when he needed me. Friendship, a great thing with few complications.

I heard the whistle of Coach Warren and that meant it was time to start practice. Within minutes he had us gathered up and outside to start us on our run around the school campus. I hated the running part. It was the worst part, especially when we got out of Coach's sight. He blew the whistle again, and we were off.

I never ran in full force. I didn't want to wear myself out when I ran. I tried to stay out of the way of Lauren and Jessica though. They were Coach's pets. They tried to use their flirting skills to get me kicked off the team I don't know how many times, but I was lucky, I played my position well and he would continue to tell them that I was an important aspect of the team.

"Hey, Swan. How do you feel about the fact that you are the reason that Lauren and Edward broke up?"

Jessica was running enough that she could catch up and then kept pace with me. I rolled my eyes and continued on my run. I didn't think I needed to justify that with a response. I kept running and she punched me in the arm.

"Are you fucking deaf, Swan? What the hell do you have to say for yourself?"

"I don't control Edward, Jessica. He does what he wants, and if he doesn't want to date Lauren, then he doesn't want to date her."

I then noticed that a group of girls were closing in on me. I knew I had to get back to Coach before they decided to pull something on me. I picked up pace and took off as fast as I could. Lucky for me, I ran at least three or four times a week. Leaving them behind, I asked myself why Edward really had dumped Lauren.

Maybe it's because she's a royal bitch. That might be it, or maybe it's because she didn't put out like he wants. I didn't know what his standards are in that area of his life, but I sure wasn't going to ask him. That fell into that unspoken area of our lives especially in concern to our sex lives or lack there of.

I got back to the gym and was sent in to start the next part of practice, killers. I started on the lines and ran back and forth from line to line. Within a few minutes of me finishing my killers, the rest of the team joined me. I watched as the others finished their killers and I sat down and continued to stretch my muscles. The eyes of my teammates were cold and calculating. They were planning something.

After about twenty more minutes of different running drills, we finally got the volleyball cart out and started spiking lines. Lauren and Jessica were the setters too, so that meant that I wouldn't be accomplishing much doing the drill, but I still had to look like I was going to try.

The entire time we did that drill, I had the ball set way outside or too close to the net. They just wanted to make my life miserable. The best one was when Jessica tried to trip me by sticking her leg out. I saw what she was planning on doing, so forced myself to tumble to the floor in hopes of preventing myself from getting really hurt.

"Swan, you alright there?"

Coach was over checking out my ankles within a few minutes. I turned to look up into Jessica's smug look. She wanted me hurt, she wanted me off the team. I wasn't going to let her do that to me.

"Coach, I'm fine. Just tripped… see."

I jumped up to my feet and jumped up and down a couple of times to show that I wasn't hurt. He looked at me and let it go finally. I walked across the gym to see the disappointment in the team's eyes that I hadn't been hurt in the fall. _Stupid bitches._

Toward the end of practice, Coach Warren divided his varsity and junior varsity teams up to scrimmage against each other. That meant that Jessica and Lauren were going to have to behave themselves now. This was some serious business. You had to prove yourself to earn your varsity spot. Just because you were a senior, didn't mean you automatically got a varsity starting position.

The practice went on and on and we finally got to stop for a few minutes and get a drink. I sat down across the room from the rest of the team. I didn't trust them at all so I decided it was in my best interest to keep an eye on them. I couldn't take any chances. They were cold and ruthless.

Coach called us all back on the floor and we started the scrimmage again. It was long and drawn out and I could feel the sweat dripping from my ponytail. I turned to see Edward sitting on the bleachers waiting on me. His smile told me that I was safe for the moment. He wouldn't let Lauren or any of her friends hurt me. I then noticed that Lauren and Jessica had seen Edward sitting up there and both were trying to make themselves look good in hopes of impressing him. I looked up at him and he smiled at me and rolled his eyes to show that he wasn't impressed with their flirting. I couldn't help myself, I started to giggle.

"What's so damn funny, Swan?"

My eyes locked on Lauren's as soon as I heard her speak. I then noticed Edward tense up on the bleachers too. He knew I was in trouble. I looked at him to stay where he was though. I wanted to try to handle her on my own. If I couldn't handle it, I would not object to him coming to my rescue.

"That you think I am the reason that Edward broke up with you."

"Well… you are. I was doing a great job satisfying him until I told him that he needed to dump his little geeky friend."

I felt my blood begin to boil. I didn't say anything. I didn't want to give her any satisfaction.

"Oh… did I touch a nerve, Swan? I bet you wish you were the one fucking his brains out. I hate to burst your bubble though… he would never touch you."

The next thing to happen actually surprised me. I punched her in the face, causing her to fly backwards across the floor. I hadn't noticed that Edward had run from the bleachers and wrapped his arms around me, preventing me from going back after her.

"Lauren what the hell is the meaning of this?"

I turned to see Coach Warren and it was clear that he had heard and seen everything that had just happened.

"Cullen, don't let her go. Lauren… I am not going to take this behavior on my team. If you can't get your act together, you are done. That goes for all of you. Am I clear?"

The team looked at the coach and nodded in response. They turned back to glare at me again, I struggled against Edward's arms in hopes of getting away from him and going after them.

"I didn't know I had a little fighter for a best friend," he chuckled in my ear.

I turned to glare at him. He continued to laugh as he let me go. I didn't go after them, mostly because I knew Edward would have me back in his arms in a flash.

"What did you expect? After so long, you had to rub off on me, don't you think?"

I heard Coach dismiss practice early and he told me to go down first to grab my stuff. I didn't change or anything, but just grabbed everything and ran. Edward was standing outside the door of the locker room waiting on me.

Lauren and Jessica came marching up toward me, but before I could get to them, Edward stepped in front of me.

"Stay away from Bella, Lauren. You don't want do anything to her."

"They hell I don't. I just got suspended for the first three games of the season because of that little bitch."

"You come after her, I will make sure you are sorry for it."

"What the hell do you think you are going to do about it, Eddie?"

I saw Edward act as if he might lunge at her, but I grabbed his arm. He turned back to me and then grabbed my hand.

"Come on, Bella. Let's get out of here."

I turned back to see the cold stare of Lauren since Edward had his hand locked around mine. I must have done something because, he then wrapped his arm around my shoulder and led me out of the gym.

As soon as I heard the slam of the double doors to the gym, I let out a scream of frustration.

"I hate her! She is insane."

Edward was used to my rare ranting about Lauren. I tried my best to stay away from her and had for the most part, but volleyball season was the only time that I actually had to deal with her.

"I know. I'm sorry that you had to deal with that, Bella."

I stood there in silence for a while. He didn't say anything, because he knew there was nothing that could be said in that moment to make it better. However, my day was going from bad to worse.

"Hey, Sexy!"

My eyes locked on the one person that I didn't want to see, Mike Newton. He thought he was so hot and suave, a real ladies' man. I tried to back up away from him, but he kept closing the distance and I ended up pushed up against the brick wall of the gym. He had his arms around my head, which kept me from trying to make a run for it.

"You always seem to want to run to get away from me. Why is that?"

"Mike, if you don't get away from Bella right now, I am going to put you in the hospital."

I glanced over to see a furious Edward glaring daggers at Mike. Mike didn't move. He kept his stance in front of me.

"You know Eddie, you should let your friend here decide if she wants me to leave then."

Edward looked to my eyes to see what I wanted. I didn't have to say a word, he knew by the look in my eyes that I didn't want him there. He brought his gaze back to Mike.

"Unless you want a repeat of what happened in the eighth grade, I would move those arms and let Bella go."

I shuddered when he mentioned that. I couldn't help remembering it either.

"_Hey, Bella."_

_I was walking, with my face staring at the ground. Mike reached out and stopped me. When I looked up, I had to adjust my glasses on the bridge of my nose._

"_I'm in a hurry, Mike. My dad is waiting for me."_

_Mike bothering me after school was becoming a regular thing. Normally, Edward would walk me home and his mom would pick him up at my house around five. Today though, he had something to do, or so I thought._

_He walked toward me as if he was stalking an animal that would become his prey. He walked me until I was backed up against the wall of the school. I could smell his horrible breath against my face. _

"_You know, Bella. You are so sexy. If you would just take off those glasses and get your nose out of a book for a change."_

_I stared back into his eyes. There was something there. Something that terrified me. I watched as he took my glasses off my face and he stared at me for a moment. He then started to lean toward me… his lips coming toward mine._

"_Get the hell away from her."_

_Out of nowhere, Edward slammed his entire body weight into Mike, throwing both himself and Mike to the ground. _

"_What the hell are you doing, Edward?"_

"_You touched my best friend."_

"_We were just talking, man…"_

"_Looked like you were trying to kiss her and she didn't want you to."_

_Edward then drew back his fist and punched him in the face. He didn't stop at one punch either. He kept punching him, and lucky for Mike the teachers saw what was going on and came out to stop the angry Edward from really hurting him. I remembered screaming at Edward to stop it, but he wouldn't._

_Mr. Bowen, our homeroom teacher, came and pulled him off Mike while the school nurse was looking at Mike to find out how much damage had been done. _

_Edward got suspended for three days over beating up Mike. Mike on the other hand had a busted nose and had gotten the point that if he touched me, he would have to face Edward again. It was something that he really had tried again… until now._

My thoughts returned to the present when I saw the look in Edward's eyes. Mike, on the other hand, was trembling. Edward wasn't a huge guy, but he could hold his own. Edward was dead serious too. He would put Mike in more hurt than he could ever imagine.

"When you decide to get rid of this thug of a friend, Bella, come see me and find out what a real man is like."

He turned and sauntered off toward the parking lot. I hadn't noticed that I was trembling too. I looked down to see my hands shaking and that I had dropped my clothes to the ground. Edward came up and wrapped his arms around me.

"You okay, Jingle Bells?"

"I don't know. I guess."

He bent down and picked up my stuff and he led me over toward his car. After he opened the door for me, I climbed in and shut the door. He finally got in and turned the ignition and pulled the car out of the lot.

Normally I would have talked the entire time he drove, but I sat silent for the time. I watched the houses of Forks pass me by and for the most part, they were a blur. I saw that he was watching me out of this peripheral vision. I still didn't say anything. Finally, he pulled up in front of my house. I just got out of the car and started up the walk to the house.

"Bella…"

I turned to see him getting out of the car. He ran to catch up with me.

"What's wrong?"

I threw my clothes and my bag down and sat on the steps. He sat down next to me, his eyes never leaving mine.

"People never change," I sighed. "They just get older and they never grow up, they just keep doing the same stupid things over and over."

"What brought that up?"

"Seeing how Lauren, Jessica, and Mike were acting. They act like we are still little kids and that they can throw tantrums and get their way. Look at Lauren, she thought throwing a fit would get you to take her back, even though she didn't come right out and say that."

Edward was silent. He was thinking about what I was saying.

"Well, I hope we never change, Bella," muttered Edward. The look that flooded his eyes gave the appearance that he was far away in thought.

Sometimes, the things Edward would say to me would surprise me, especially now. I hoped he was right though. That nothing would ever change between the two of us and that we would be friends always. However, I had this feeling of doubt that something would come and eventually drive a wedge between us, at least in some aspects of our lives.

"I hope you're right, Edward."

I got up and grabbed the key from behind the eve of the window and I went inside, followed closely behind by Edward. I walked into the kitchen to see a note from my parents.

_Bella –_

_Sorry, but something has come up and we have to run to Seattle and we will be back tomorrow afternoon. If you want, stay with Alice tonight. Be careful. We love you._

_Mom & Dad_

"Looks like you are staying at my house tonight."

I turned to glare at him. I loved Alice dearly, but she was so hyper at times that I couldn't get anything accomplished.

"I hope Alice and Rose already have plans and I can just relax."

"Grab your stuff and we'll head straight to the garage. They won't know you are even there until they leave and come back. Plus, after they leave, we'll go up to the house and maybe watch a movie or something. I think Emmett and Jasper have things to do tonight too. It will just be us."

"Alright."

I ran upstairs and picked up my "Alice" bag and headed back down the stairs. I saw Edward staring at the pictures on the mantle of the fireplace. I hated that there were pictures of me from the time I was a little girl, until now. I adjusted my glasses on my face and finally came down the stairs the rest of the way. He stopped staring and took my bag. He was always the complete gentleman, especially since it came to me.

I locked the door and put the key back under the eve. After he threw my stuff in the backseat of the car, he was pulling it out of the drive heading to his house. Again, I rode in silence and when I glanced over to his face, I could see that he was again lost in thought. When he would get lost in his thoughts, I would always wonder what was going on his mind. He was very secretive with his thoughts at times, but normally he was never that way with me. I said nothing to him though. I continued to stare out into space… wondering what was going on with him.


	5. Chapter 4: Thoughts Of Bella

Hello All...

This is the chapter that I promised halojones... I know I am cutting it short, but here it is as promised.

The Normal Ramblings -- The Twilight series and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. (Why couldn't I come up with something so great?) Check out my faves and support my friends, Stormy Bella and twilightgurl22. Please drop me a review when you finish the chapter. They inspire me and I love to see what you guys think...

Okay... enjoy the chapter. :)

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Chapter 4 Song: Find Out Who Your Friends Are - Tracy Lawrence featuring Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney  
Reasoning: Song that talks about friendship and how you should be a friend... and its during the tough times that you really do "find out who your friends are." Plus, the version with Tim and Kenny is just better. :)

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Chapter 4: Thoughts of Bella

As I drove home, with Bella sitting there beside me, I began to think back to how it all started. How two people completely different would become friends. It was a complete mystery. How would someone like Bella Swan want to be friends with someone like me?

I never really had a best friend before her, she was just different. She wasn't the typical girl you would meet. When she first came into my life, I actually thought that she was a regular girl, that she would be like Laruen or Jessica, but I knew that they wouldn't let her be apart of their group. She didn't have the money or status for them.

I looked over to her staring out the window and I saw the girl she was in third grade. My mind traveled back a few minutes ago when I was waiting for her to get her stuff upstairs, I stared at the images of her that covered the mantle of the Swan household, and it was then I realized that she was becoming the most interesting person that I knew and that her friendship with me was a true treasure. I must have gotten lucky to find such a friend.

Honestly, it was funny. Most people would think I would be unable to think like I do. I didn't do well at anything in school and I was in trouble more than I could count, but I guess Bella has rubbed off on me over time. Most people think I am clueless, but I am far from it. Just because I don't like reading books or taking tests, doesn't mean that I am not intelligent. Bella knows though. That is all that matters.

Tapping on the breaks of "Christine" I turned up the winding drive that lead up to my house and I turned when I heard Bella sigh. Her mind always was going a mile a minute, but something was telling me that something was bothering her. I knew she was upset about everything that had happened with Lauren, Jessica, and Mike, but something told me that it was more.

The urge to comfort her was huge. The strange thing was that I felt strange around her lately. I didn't know why either. She was Bella and I was Edward… just like it has always been. Nothing had really changed, but the fact that we were older and maybe that our paths were close to branching out and going in different directions. Maybe that was what was bugging me. I knew that Bella was destined for greatness. There was nothing that she couldn't do. She would tell me about the books that she had read and her eyes would just sparkle and light up. Her mind was too much for me to understand anymore. She was still the Bella that I became friends with when I was nine, but she was becoming something else. Maybe I was doing the same thing.

We had our lives outside of each other. I partied a lot anymore. Most weekends I would never see Bella. She would spend time with Alice and Rosalie. I would be out looking for a girl to screw, and drink until I was completely wasted. Bella on the other hand, did more girly stuff with my sister and friend's girlfriend.

As soon as the car was in park, she was getting out of the car and headed into the garage. I grabbed her stuff and followed her. Watching her move through the garage was an interesting thing. She was so at home in there. She walked past her truck and my new off-road truck that I had gotten to work on. Curling up on her couch with one of her many books that scattered the place, I watched her drift off into that imaginary world that she said was her safe place, away from all the real life things that was hurting her.

After putting her stuff down by her, I walked over to the work bench and pulled out my wrenches and popped the hood to her truck. I told her I would redo the whole truck since I took it out in a place the truck couldn't handle.

The thought of her when that happened was heartbreaking to me. She heard the multiple clanks that come from beneath the truck and soon I saw tears swell in her eyes. She loved that Chevy truck, I didn't know why, but she did.

For what felt like forever, we said nothing. She read, I was pulling cables loose and replacing various parts that needed to be replaced. Not long after we got there though, I turned on the radio. At times I would hear her singing along with random songs, and it would always bring a smile to my face. She wouldn't have done that if she actually knew I had been listening. The shy girl that she was when she moved to Forks was still there, though she had come to keep her under control more now.

I put down my tools and walked toward her. I said nothing to her, but just watched her. Her small frame was curled up against one of the arms of the couch, a few strands of her hair was falling across her face as her eyes darted across the pages of the book she was reading. _She was absolutely beautiful._

…Did I just think that? I looked at her again, and I realized that the thought was correct though. Bella always said she was ordinary and guys such as Mike Newton were always going on and on about how sexy she was. In that moment, I realized something… my best friend was absolutely stunning. Even with her jeans, t-shirt, and glasses… she was the most beautiful thing ever.

However, I couldn't have these thoughts about her. She was Bella. Bella, my best friend. Bella, the person that I trusted with everything. Bella that would watch action movies with me and laugh when there wasn't enough blood or action in them. The one that would pick on Emmett and actually beat him at wrestling.

I had been so busy all these years protecting her from others to see what was in front of me. I looked at her lips for a moment. If it would have been any other girl I would have walked up to her and just kissed her. I would let my lips melt into hers and eventually end up having sex with her, but this was Bella. I couldn't do that to Bella. That would end up hurting her, and that wasn't something that I could actually do. Most of all, she was my best friend. You don't go around having those kinds of thoughts about your friend.

I couldn't understand where all these thoughts where coming from either. It was strange, but I couldn't help but wonder if it would be possible to date Bella. I stared at her for a moment, and that was when her eyes looked up to mine that I froze. I was unable to think, speak, or move. _Wow, those eyes of hers were powerful._

"What?"

I shook my head. "Nothing, Bells. I was wondering if you were ready to head up the house though."

"Yeah, I guess."

As I watched her grab her stuff and start to leave I realized that it could never be that way. Bella was nothing more than my friend. I would however, be there to help her when some lucky guy did realize that she was a true beauty and treasure. No one would ever hurt her, because I would always be there to protect her.

Bella went in through the front door and I followed hearing my mother wandering around the kitchen. She was cooking when we walked into the room.

"Edward, I didn't know Bella was here."

"Yeah, she came home with me. Charlie and Renee are out of town and I guess she is going to stay with Alice tonight."

Technically, she was supposed to stay with Alice, normally we would watch TV on the couch in the family room until we fell asleep. However, her parents didn't know that, and it didn't matter either. Nothing was going on between us.

"I'll grab her pillow and a blanket for the couch."

"Thanks, Mom."

Bella sat down at the table. I looked down at my hands and realized how dirty I was.

"I'm going to go up and shower."

Bella looked up from the newspaper she found on the table that she began reading. "I'll be here."

I skipped stairs and went down the hall to my room. I pulled off my clothes and slipped into the shower. As the water ran down my skin, I kept thinking about Bella. I couldn't understand it. After all these years, why did I have to start thinking about Bella as being beautiful?

I guess on some level I always knew she was, but maybe it was seeing Mike Newton trying to man handle her that brought it to the surface. Her eyes were full of terror. Actually, when any guy gets near her besides me, Jasper, or Emmett she tends to shy away. I knew that she liked Brandon and Cody at some point, but they would have never understood her. Bella was too complex for those knuckle heads.

Turning off the shower I reached for a towel and wrapped it around me. I knew that I was going to have to come to terms with these thoughts about her. One thing I was sure of, I couldn't get involved with Bella. She was too important to me. Relationships just complicate things and I knew I couldn't be the man that she would need, especially since I didn't have any feelings for her.

In my mind, I started to formulate this list of qualities that Bella needed in a guy. _He would have to be supportive, smart, loving, gentle, caring, strong, and have a heart that could love and protect her always._ Those would be the qualities that she would need in a man. That type of man could take care of my best friend. He would be able to do that. If I knew she would be happy and taken care of, I knew I could have a happy life as well.

I pulled on my flannel pajama bottoms and t-shirt and went back down the stairs. I could hear Bella and my mother laughing in the kitchen. I couldn't help but smile. Bella's laughter was similar to the melodies that I used to play on the piano, so long ago. Bella told me that I shouldn't have quit the piano either. She said that it was something besides working on cars or trucks that I was good at. That one day I might need to express myself in a way besides swinging my fists at people.

I came down to see that everyone had finally made it to the table too, with the exception of my father, who was working late at the hospital. Looking around the table I saw my family and friends and in some ways I wanted it to stay like this always. My parents, my siblings, my friends, and my Bella. I knew though, that the time was going come that Emmett and Rosalie would move on and start a life together. Jasper and Alice were going to do the same. My parents would always be here, but when I looked over at Bella, I knew it was only a matter of time before she would move on without me.

I would constantly listen to her harp about applying to college. "Go to college," she would say. "Make something out of your life, Edward. You are too smart to stay here forever." I knew she was right, but I wasn't her. School was her thing. It wasn't for me though. I watched her sit for hours filling out college applications and writing essays to every school around, and it was amazing how she would sit there for hours working. Most of the time, she would sit in my room at the computer while I listened to music and read my many car magazines and just type away at the keyboard. She was just too smart. Too smart for Forks, Washington, that was for sure.

As we ate, I listened to them all talking about random things in their lives, but Bella listened. She didn't start that many conversations, but if it was something of interest to her she would start to talk and never stop. She was a really amazing person.

"Bella, are you going with me and Rose to Port Angles on Saturday?"

Alice wants Bella to go shopping with her and Rosalie. I pitied her immediately.

"You know, I don't like to shop, Alice. Plus I need to get some stuff done around home."

"You are just avoiding shopping. How about we make a trade, you go shopping for clothes with us and we will go to the bookstore with you?"

Alice really wanted her to go. I knew that both Rosalie and my little sister hated to go to the bookstore with Bella. She just had this ability to sit in there for hours staring up at the shelves. I have went with her before and it wasn't as bad as they let on, but for two people that hated books as much as they did, they must have something in mind for her.

"What are you two up to? I know you hate going to the bookstore with Bella, and here you are volunteering to go with her. Bella… you are about ready to get into something that you don't want to."

Alice and Rose looked at each other as if they were completely innocent, and Bella turned to eye them. She knew I was right about the bookstore thing.

"I can't believe you would think I have ulterior motives, big brother," exclaimed Alice. "Its not that we mind going with Bella to the bookstore, she just has this tendency of being in there forever and we get bored."

Bella burst out in laughter. "I'll go and I'll limit my time in the bookstore for you too. I don't want you to get bored by any means."

Shaking my head, I took my plate to the kitchen. I stood there and stared out the window. I didn't hear anyone come in though.

"Edward…"

My mother was such a graceful woman. She was the gentlest soul I knew, besides Bella.

"What's on your mind?"

"Nothing, Mom." I knew I was lying to her, but I didn't want to tell her what I was actually thinking at the moment.

"You're thinking about Bella, aren't you?" A small smile formed on her lips as she spoke.

"How did you know?"

"Because, I am your mother, and when you are thinking about her your eyes tend to do this sparkling thing."

I chuckled at that. I turned and leaned up against the counter and looked back at her.

"Edward, she is your friend. Don't hurt her." My mother's eyes turned really sad when she said that to me.

"What do you mean, Mom?"

"Edward you might fool everyone, even yourself, but Bella means more to you than a friend. I watched you two grow up together and play together forever. Be careful with her."

"Mom, Bella's my friend. That is all I want from her. I could never look at her any other way."

She nodded her head and came over and hugged me. "Edward, I hope you're not too late one day." She kissed me gently on my forehead and she left me standing there. There were times that I really didn't understand my mother and this was one of those moments.

I went back into the dinning room to find that Bella was already gone. I was guessing that she was using my shower. She normally did that, to prevent Alice from attacking her and playing "dress up Bella." Not that I minded that much either. Bella was really the only person that I ever let in my room besides myself.

Climbing onto the sofa in the family room, I turned on the TV in hopes of finding something interesting to watch. I finally settled on an old war movie. Not long after I started to watch the movie, I saw Bella come into the room and curl up on the sofa with me.

"Feeling better, Jingle Bells?"

"A little. I'm sorry I have been a silent bitch all night."

I never really thought she was a bitch at any point. "Its okay, Bells."

Sighing, she leaned up against me. I continued to watch the movie and after a while I glanced down to see that she had already fallen asleep. Her hair was falling across her face, so I brushed them away. She was so peaceful when she slept. Not that I hadn't ever seen her sleep before, but it was different watching her now.

I was internally kicking myself too because I knew that Bella was out of my league. I knew it was funny especially with everyone saying that I was out of her league. I was not what Bella needed or wanted. She wanted guys like Cody or Brandon. Plus, I would never take a chance of losing my friend.

At last, I finally concluded why I was thinking these things. Hormones. I never paid attention in biology, but I did know things about hormones. The fact that I was a man and she was a woman was the whole reason that I was thinking about Bella that way. I didn't actually have feelings for her. I was just reacting like any typical red-blooded man would. She was a beautiful woman and I was a healthy man. Simple as that, questions answered.

Glancing down I knew I couldn't move from where I was on the sofa. I would normally leave Bella there on the sofa, but since she was sleeping on me, I didn't want to wake her. I pulled the blanket that my mother had brought in for her and wrapped it around the both of us. Sighing, I turned off the TV and wrapped my arm around her. I glanced back down at the sleeping form of my best friend and I did something I didn't expect myself to do. I placed a soft kiss on her forehead. I moved enough to get comfortable and within minutes I was joining Bella in slumber, though I was going into a dreamless one.


	6. Chapter 5: The Visitor

Here is my trade for halojones... you know what I am talking about. :) Be ready to trade yourself. lol

The Normal Ramblings: The Twilight series and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Check out my faves and support my friends, Stormy Bella and twilightgurl22. Please review. I like to read them and they inspire me.

I dedicate this chapter to my friend, twilightgurl22. You are such a sweetheart. Thanks for being a great friend. Also to Stormy Bella and CARLISLE'SDARKETERNALQUEEN, I love you guys too. And to everyone else out there, you are great people and I hope that you keep enjoying my work.

Now, on with the story...

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Chapter 5: The Visitor song - The Mixtape, Jack's Mannequin  
Reasoning - It was one of the songs that I listened to when I was writting this chapter. Just love the song.

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Chapter 5: The Visitor

I felt stiff when I woke up. I started to move some when I realized I wasn't alone. Glancing up I saw the slumbering form of my friend. I guess I fell asleep with him there. When I tried to move, I realized that he had even wrapped his arm around me. I didn't want to bother him, so I closed my eyes and appeared to go back to sleep.

However, within minutes, Emmett was busting down the stairs followed by the pixie-like Alice, quickly in hot pursuit. The sounds made Edward jerk awake which caused me to almost go flying off the sofa. Luckily, he remembered that I was there and grabbed me before I went tumbling into the floor. He wrapped his arms back around me tightly, for a moment I thought he was going to choke me to death with the grip he had on me.

"You alright?"

"Yeah, but you are choking me."

He loosened his grip as Emmett came running past us with Alice only a few steps behind him.

"I wonder what he did to Alice." I sighed.

"No telling with Emmett," he sighed back.

He shifted me over some and stood. I stood and followed him up the stairs to his room. Pulling out my clothes, I went into Edward's bathroom while he was changing in his room. After slipping on my favorite pair of Capri pants and blue shirt, I began to deal with my hair. Brushing it through, I put it up into a clip and splashed my face with water.

"Edward, you decent?"

"Yeah."

He was running his hands through his messy bronze hair when I came out and as normal, he was wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and the motorcycle boots. Sighing, I began to throw things back into my bag. When he turned to look at me, his expression was strange. Not a bad strange, just different I guess. Something I would have to figure out later on.

When we went downstairs, the house was silent. I was guessing that everyone had already left for the day. Edward crossed the room to pick up his keys and we were out the door. The car roared to life and he turned up the radio. Mornings weren't the best time of day, for either of us.

We actually arrived early at school and were in our seats before Mr. Banner actually came into the room. We both stared out across the room in utter boredom. It was just going to be one of those days.

The whole day went on like that too. Nothing happened. With the exception of seeing Lauren and the rest of the volleyball team glaring at me any chance that they got. For a moment during the lunch hour, I almost thought Jessica was going to scale the bleachers and hit me, but that would have required her to go through Edward, who was right next to me. He had to know how tired I was because he wrapped his arms around me and let me sleep on his shoulder the whole time.

The bell rang which caused me to jump and again almost fall, but I was yet again saved by Edward.

"Wakey, Wakey, Jingle Bells."

"Shut up," I groaned.

He laughed at me and helped me to my feet. I trudged off to the rest of my classes, which bored me even more than the morning classes. When the final bell rang, I dreaded another volleyball practice. Again, Edward was at my locker waiting on me to get there and like yesterday he took my stuff and told me he would see me at the end of practice.

The great thing was that practice was uneventful. Laruen and Jessica and their crowd had to be on their best behavior or their high school volleyball careers were going to be gone. Coach Warren actually let us leave early and after I was changed I found Edward sitting outside waiting on me.

"Did they behave today?" He asked while he was scanning the radio for a good song to listen to.

"They didn't try to hurt me, does that count?"

"Guess so."

He put the car in reverse and pulled away from the school. He found a song and then came the normal question. "Who's singing?"

The song's lyrics hadn't even started and I had to think quickly. It didn't take me long to think of it either.

"The Eagles, 'Hotel California'. Come on Edward, you can do better than that."

"Going easy on you today, Jingle Bells," he chuckle. He was singing along with the radio all the way until we reached my house. This time when we arrive, I saw my mom's car in the drive.

"Guess you won't be staying with me tonight then?"

I glared at him as I got out of the car. "You know, you are a real smart ass."

"Rather be a smart ass than a dumb ass, J.B."

I rolled my eyes as he followed me up to the steps into my house.

"Mom…"

"You know you should be careful who you associate with little cuz, because they may get you into trouble."

I turned around to see one person that I hadn't expected to see. Standing taller than even me, in her jeans, boots, t-shirt, and cowboy hat, was my favorite person ever.

"You know I could say the same thing about you, Katrina Swan. You are trouble."

Laughing she came over and wrapped me in a hug. I hadn't seen her in forever, well, more like four or five years.

Her eyes shifted to Edward, "How's it going, Eddie? See you haven't dumped this loser cousin of mine yet."

"I try and no one will take her, so I guess I am stuck with her."

I punched him in the arm and he just broke out in laughter. "You know I wouldn't know what to do without you, Bells."

"I thought so."

"I see you found what we picked up in Seattle."

My mother was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, shaking her head at the three of us standing around the living room. We must have looked a little guilty because we all turned and look at each other to see who was going to talk first.

"I had to scare Bella some, Aunt Renee. She's just too much fun."

Rolling my eyes, I headed to the kitchen and was followed closely behind by the others. My cousin was different, but in a fun way. Everyone quickly noticed the fresh cookies on the table and all three of us were snatching one from the plate. My mother left the room to do some chores that needed to be done around the house which left us alone at the table to talk. I turned my attention back to my cousin who was picking on Edward, like normal.

"So, what brings my favorite cousin to Washington? I thought you were happy with sunny southern Illinois?"

"Well, I thought I would check out some colleges up here. I need to find a place to go after I finish junior college. I am probably going to go closer to home. So basically this entire trip was an excuse to come see my sweet little cousin."

She was so at home here and it was evident. Her eyes were as sparkly as ever, just like her personality. She picked up another cookie and took a bite savoring the taste.

"So, what are you two up to?" She questioned looking back at me and Edward.

We looked at each other and just shrugged our shoulders.

"I'll ask a better question… what happened to your truck, Bella?"

I turned to glare at the cause of my truck's destruction. Katrina looked over to Edward to see that he was trying to look all innocent.

"What did you do?"

I couldn't help but laugh when he started to stutter some. Edward didn't get too nervous but when it came to Katrina, he knew he had met his match. It was fun to see Edward like this, since it didn't happen a lot.

"Well, Kat, I sort of broke it."

Shaking her head she started to laugh. "Typical Edward," she chuckled.

The conversation was interrupted when Edward's cell phone rang.

"Hey, Alice. Sitting at Bella's talking to Kat."

The squeal that came from the phone was loud enough everyone could hear. Edward handed to phone toward Kat. Kat looked a little worried when he extended his arm, phone in hand.

"She wants to talk to you."

Kat finally smiled and took the phone from him.

"Hey Ally. Yes, just got here. No I would never think of leaving before I saw you. Just as long as there is no shopping involved, Alice, you know I hate to shop."

Alice loved Kat and she loved Alice. Kat was older, but she was very fun to be around. After a few more minutes of them talking, she hands the phone back to Edward. Edward began to talk to his sister again while Kat turned her attention back to me.

"So, is there any boy that I need to be threatening to the brink of their life?"

Typical question from her. She was my protector besides Edward. She was as big as some men so she was sort of intimidating to some. "No, Kat," I sighed. "I am not interested in anyone and they are not interested in me either."

Her eyes darted from me to Edward and she just smiled.

"No, Kat. I don't."

She didn't say anything, but I knew what she was thinking. She was always telling me that I should go after Edward. I have always been telling her that Edward was my friend and that I didn't think about him that way. This was becoming a theme with people lately though. Everyone seemed to think that I should be dating Edward, well the people that actually knew us.

Edward finally snapped his phone shut.

"I guess I need to get out of here, Alice wants me to do something to her car. She also told me to tell you both that you are going to be staying over at the house tomorrow night and that you are going on a 'mini-shopping spree.'"

I looked over to Kat and we both groaned. Shopping with Alice wasn't something that we enjoyed too much. The dislike of shopping must run in the Swan family since both Kat and I hated it. Alice on the other hand, loved to take us, especially Kat since she was a country girl and stressed about wearing clothes that she couldn't work outside in.

"Great," I grumbled.

"See you in the morning, J.B."

We watched Edward leave and the rumble of his car to tell us that he had left. Sitting there in silence for a moment was nice. I needed to think, but Kat broke in with her thoughts.

"Edward's hot, you know," she exclaimed.

"Kat!"

"Girl, you must be blind not to see him. Damn, I wouldn't mind seeing that boy with no shirt on," she sighed apparently going into a daydream about my best friend.

I rolled my eyes, and tried to get the idea of Edward being "hot" out of my head. It kind of freaked me out some that Kat was having a fantasy about my best friend and she was twenty and Edward was eighteen. I didn't want to think of him that way. He was Edward and was my friend, and that was it. End of story.

"Come on, Bella, you can't tell me that you haven't noticed him. The boy has a hot body. You are with him twenty-four-seven and girls have to be throwing themselves at him constantly. He is completely desirable and I wouldn't blame you at all if you did find him attractive. I think he's gorgeous."

I knew she was right, but I didn't want to agree with her. She was more right than she knew. Girls such as Lauren were constantly hitting on him, but he would always act indifferent to them. I knew that he dated most of them, but he kept the information to himself. At times, I wondered why he did that. Was it because he didn't want to flaunt his relationships or did he want to protect me from the knowledge?

"Yes, Kat, girls throw themselves at him all the time, but he normally doesn't care that much. Plus I know I don't have a chance even if I did think of him that way, which I don't. He goes for the hot girls, you know… long legs, blonde hair."

She sat there for a moment and stared at me.

"Do you not see yourself? You are absolutely stunning, Bella. I don't believe that guys are that unaware of a beautiful woman."

"Well, they are, except for Mike Newton, but he is a perverted freak."

Standing, I headed for the stairs and went up to my room. Kat wasn't that far behind either. I flopped down on my bed and shoved my head back in my pillow. I needed to get my thoughts together. It wasn't long before she sat down and scooted me over to lie down next to me.

"Bella, I don't say this because I want to make you mad or anything. It's not my style, and you know it. I want you happy. I know deep down in my heart that he is the one for you. I just wish you two would figure that out before something happens and you lose each other."

Rolling over I looked into her eyes. They were a blue that could be described as oceans and they shined with sincerity. I rolled over on my side, my back to her.

"I don't feel anything for Edward Cullen except friendship, Kat. I want him as my friend, nothing more. Let him have all those relationships with random women, it doesn't bother me."

She said nothing, but I knew what she was thinking. She was thinking that I was fooling myself to think that I didn't care. She thought I did care, and it was hurting me so much to know that Edward had lines of women that he had used and abused in the past few years. Her next thought would be to pull me off the bed and try to shake some sense into me, but she knew it would be a lost cause.

I heard her sigh and then felt the bed shift and I heard the door close as she left the room. Standing, I went across the room and sat down at my desk. Looking across the desk I examined the pictures that sat around that showed the variety of experiences of my life. Many were filled with family moments, but mostly they were filled with memories with Edward. The photos were like a slide show of our lives and how we have grown and changed and it was scary to think about it.

Many people wouldn't think so, but it was hard to live in Edward's shadow. He was popular even without him trying and he was in such high demand by the girls of the school, and I was invisible to the world. I was going to bet that no one would know my name if I wasn't best friends with Edward Cullen. I loved him, but only as friend and I wouldn't know what to do without him, but at times I feel hidden in his presence.

Then my thoughts shifted to the stack of college applications that needed to be completed and mailed. I knew Edward wanted me to stay in Forks and go to college locally, though he never was too vocal about it. He wanted me to stay close to him, Alice, and the others. However, I had this urge to get out of Forks and see the world. I needed to see what was beyond the small town and maybe be something. I turned my attention to my notebooks of my writings. To be a writer… I would have to leave Forks and with that, Edward.

How could Kat think that Edward was the one for me? We were complete opposites. He wanted Forks, I wanted the world. I needed more than what this little town could offer me, but the thought of Edward not being with me made my heart hurt. The idea of being there forever was horrible to me, but the thought of losing my friend was far worse. I felt as if my heart would die without him in my life. My feelings were completely conflicted and there was no way that I could fix this. Going away to college was my dream and I couldn't let my fears of losing my friend keep me from them. I had to go, if not for anything else, but to prove to myself that I could keep the friend while gone.

I went across the room and pulled down one of my favorite CDs from the shelf and placed it in the CD player. I turned it to my favorite song, and turned it up until I heard the windows rattle some. I needed to drowned out my worries, my feelings, everything. I needed solace and the only way that I could do that was with music and the aide of my "journal." I grabbed a pen and began to scratch down all my thoughts and feelings at the moment, for they would be interesting to see later on.

After I finished, I shoved it back under my mattress, which was its normal hiding spot. I continued to listen to the music, allowing it to drown my thoughts with its melodies, not the conversation that I had with Kat. I stayed like that until I fell asleep and began to dream dreams of things that I wished I could forget.


	7. Chapter 6: A Night With The Friends

Another new chapter for you guys... I really like writing for this story, and for those of you that are reading my other story, I plan on writing for it in the next couple of days since it is supposed to rain all day tomorrow and I can't mow my yard.

My Normal Ramblings: The Twilight series and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Support my friends, Stormy Bella and twilightgurl22, and read some of my faves, the people that write those stories are just too talented. Please take a few seconds and drop me a review, mainly cause I like them and they let me know what you lovely people out there are thinking.

I dedicate this chapter to my three amigos (Stormy Bella, CARLISLE'SDARKETERNALQUEEN,twilightgurl22). You three are the best and I really miss seeing you CARLISLE'SDARKETERNALQUEEN, its not the same since I don't see you at EEE. I'll swing in sometime to give you and Travie some heck sometime. Oh yeah, twilightgurl22, when you read the parts about Alice, I was thinking about you. Yes, you. You are my personal Alice and I laugh when I think about you as Alice. Love ya. And to halojones, thank you so much for your interest in my story... you rock! I think the last trade was very fair too. I can't wait for more. :)

On with the story...

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Chapter 6 A Night With The Friends Song - "Faith" by George Michael  
Reasoning: You'll see as you read the chapter. You would have laughed if you would have seen me when I came up with the idea for this one... lets just say it involved me singing in my truck on the way to visit a friend.

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Chapter 6: A Night With The Friends

"Ally, I don't think so."

I couldn't help but laugh when I saw Kat come out of the changing room. Alice had picked out this overly fancy blouse and skirt, and it was apparent that Kat was about ready to have a panic attack being in that outfit. Kat turned her attention to me when I laughed only to give me a glare of death.

"I hate you, Bella."

"You love me," I blew her a kiss and she just gave me a smug smile back.

"You look so beautiful, Kat. You should be more lady-like and you would have the guys following you everywhere," exclaimed Alice.

"I am quite happy with my life, thank you very much," she stated.

"Come on, Bella. Tell her."

"I'm staying out of this, Alice," I said while shaking my head at the two of them.

Alice was disappointed by my response, but she kept going on to Kat about how beautiful she was and this continued for a couple of hours. I had my fair share of clothes to try on too, which was to my distress. Thankfully, Kat and I got out of there with only a couple of bags, where Alice went wild and had about ten to carry.

After loading the bags in the trunk of Alice's car, we were headed back to the Cullen house. Alice also had this thing for picking out music that was very corny but it was stuff that we all knew and we would just sing at the top of our lungs. It was nice to have the girl time. Especially since Edward, was far from being a girl. I loved spending time with him, but girl time was nice too.

As we pulled into the drive, I noticed Edward coming out of the garage followed closely behind by Emmett and Jasper.

"Hey, Swan. Looks like you survived another Alice trip there," yelled Emmett.

Alice just glared at her brother while I grinned and rolled my eyes at him. Alice led the way into the house and was closely followed by Kat and myself. We were headed up the stairs when I heard Edward.

"Jingle Bells, I need to talk to you."

Sighing, I handed Kat my bags and descended the stairs back to where he was standing at the bottom.

"What?"

"You seem annoyed." He stated as he took my hand to lead me out of the house.

"I just spent how many hours with your sister shopping, what do you expect?" I looked up at him with annoyance, but I knew he would bring me out of this feeling rather quickly. He just could. How did that happen though? How could he just look at me and basically make me turn to mush?

He pushed open the garage door and there stood Emmett and Jasper pointing at my truck. My mind was flooded with confusion since it looked like my truck… nothing was really different either.

"Okay, guys, you are going to have to tell me what is so exciting about my truck that Edward decided to drop off up at the hill by 'Crystal Lake.'"

Emmett grabbed my hands and took me over and shoved me in the truck. I looked around to find a whole new sound system. If you knew anything about sound systems, you would be jealous. A person would kill for one like the one that was inside of this truck. I was dumbstruck.

"What the hell?"

Edward slipped over to the open truck door with his normal smirk. "Its an 'I'm sorry for busting your truck present.'"

I frowned at that. "You know damn good and well that I don't like you buying me things, Edward."

"Yeah, but this is because I was stupid. I should have listened to you about not going down that trail in your truck. I'm sorry and for that, you get an awesome stereo system that everyone in Forks would die for."

Jumping out of the truck I wrapped my arms around him. "Thank you, Edward." I might be angry that he did it in the first place, but I wasn't one that wouldn't be appreciative of what I was given.

"You two need to get a room or something," yelled Emmett, ruining the nice friendly moment I was having with Edward.

"I don't think I need a room with Bella. We are friends, Em. Just friends." Edward rolled his eyes as he spoke. Typical Emmett.

"Whatever you say, little brother," sighed Emmett. He was always giving us grief about our friendship. Just like everyone else out there.

Edward dropped the keys to my truck back in my hands. Just knowing that I didn't have to depend on him anymore was nice, not that I minded spending time with him in the first place.

"Guess I need to get back to Alice and Kat. You boys have fun."

I turned and walked out of the garage, and I could hear Jasper talking as I slipped outside of the door.

"Damn, Edward… Bella has become a complete babe. If I wasn't completely into your sister, I would so go after Bella."

I chuckled when I heard Jasper mumble something that sounded like ouch. Typical Edward, he never let guys talk about me that way.

Alice was bounding out of the house as I was walking up the steps to the house and before I could even say anything, she was dragging me into the house.

"What did he want? You know its girl time, Bella. Shame on you," Alice said. She kept dragging me up the stairs toward her bedroom.

"To give me my truck back since he has finished fixing it and putting a new stereo in it, and why do I have this feeling that you had a hand in that, Alice?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about, Bella. I know you don't like people spending money on you," she whispered as she rolled her eyes at me. That underhanded pixie.

Kat was sprawled out on Alice's bed reading one of Alice's many fashion magazine when we finally got there. I curled up on her floor as Alice pulled out her mushroom chair.

"Okay… it's the official start of quality girl time," exclaimed Alice as she clapped her hands excitedly.

"Shoot me now," mumbled my countrified cousin. I couldn't help myself, I had to laugh.

"Come on, Kat. You know you love girl time with us. You spend too much time with boys back there in Illinois. Bella is beginning to be more girly and it's a great thing."

Kat's eyes drifted back to mine and I shook her head. She knew that I wasn't really becoming girly by choice. Rosalie and Alice were the ones that thought I needed to be more lady like. Alice ignored the exchange between us and went on with her plans.

"Rose will be here later and we are going to do makeovers and everything. We are especially going to talk about boys… it's a must."

I laughed again, "That is going to be a short conversation for me and Kat though. We aren't really the dating type. Right, Kat?"

"Ain't that the truth, little cousin."

As the normal argument between Alice and Kat broke out, Rosalie finally came in, sleeping bag in tow. She found a spot near me on the floor and watched Kat and Alice banter like little hens. Finally, Alice realized that Rose was there and it was time to start the festivities.

When Rose was painting my nails, I could hear the guys coming inside and heading into the living room to watch some ball game on TV. I was really wishing that I was watching the ballgame instead of getting my nails painted. I couldn't keep them looking nice anyway, so what was the point? Alice was chattering to Kat about her skin and what kind of moisturizer she should use and the best type of medicine to control breakouts on her face. I looked over to see her actually listening to Alice's suggestions, which was a change.

After everyone had their finger and toe nails done, a facial, and such done, it was time for Alice's favorite part of the evening. Girl talk.

"Okay, so… let's talk girlies."

We all looked at each other for a while. I honestly didn't have that much to say. I loved Alice and Rosalie a lot, and I loved spending time with them, but we really didn't have that much in common. It really surprised me when Kat actually started the conversation.

"So, how are things going with you and Jasper, Alice? Seems like he adores you."

Alice went on to say that Jasper was a complete gentleman and how he just listens to her. Rosalie went on and on about Emmett too. Many of the things she talked about, I really didn't want to know, especially about their sex life. It was high time for me to bail out and run for it.

"I think I am going to go down stairs and get something to drink," I muttered as I dashed out the door.

Pulling the door to, I leaned up against the door, and breathed a sigh of relief. After gathering my composure, I walked down the stairs to hear the boys had turned off the ball game and had begun watching some kind of movie. I was quiet enough to prevent them from knowing I was there. It was fun to watch them being guys. Especially Edward. I knew it was different for him, having me as his best friend, and not a guy. It was nice to know that he had that kind of relationship with his brother and Jasper. It had to really be hard to have a girl for a best friend.

I continued on into the kitchen and pulled a Coke out of the refrigerator. After getting a glass of ice, I poured the soda slowly in the glass, watching the fizz settle slowly. I went over to the table and sat down and began to stare out the glass French doors out into Esme's garden. I could hear the laughter from the girls upstairs and the boys yelling at the TV, but in that moment, I felt alone.

I loved my cousin, Alice, and Rosalie, but I wasn't like them. I was more like Kat than anyone, and that came from being family. I loved to joke around with Emmett and Jasper. The only person I knew that I could understand and that would understand me back was Edward, and that was becoming a complicated thing lately. Especially with everything that was going on with Lauren and Jessica at school. Edward's relationships have never touched my life before and now that they have, I felt weird about it. The idea of them being around Edward bothered me. Jealousy? I don't think so, maybe it was more of a fear that they would take away the one person that meant the world to me, knew me better than I actually knew myself. He might appear to be a jerk and a womanizer to everyone else, but to me, he was so much more.

"Bella?"

I turned to see Edward's emerald eyes blazing into my soul. He was looking for something. I was unsure of what though. I was mesmerized by his eyes for a moment. He did have really beautiful eyes.

"Alice wanted to have 'girl talk' and it was getting a little deep up there, so I bailed."

He chuckled as he pulled out the chair next to me. For a while, we said nothing to each other. At times, conversation did not come with us, but we could just sit there and be for a while. When he broke the silence it was something I didn't expect for him to say.

"Bella, you hate doing the girl stuff, but you do it anyway. Why?"

"Because I love your sister and Rosalie like they were my real sisters. Plus it's nice to spend time with someone that isn't a male. I bet you feel the same way at times when it comes to me and you. Why do you do the things that you do?"

A slight smirk crossed his face. "You are right about that. It's just that you are so different from everyone here, it's hard to understand why you do the stuff you do at times. Not that I mind, it's just hard to understand."

"Edward, I am me and only me. I do what I have to do. I work hard in school because I want to be someone. I go on shopping trips with Alice and Rose because I like spending time with them. I come and sit in your garage and watch you tinker with your car because I love your company. It's just that simple."

His eyes dropped and stared at the tabletop for a moment, when he stood. I looked up into at him and he extended a hand to me. I wrapped my fingers around his and he led me out the doors and out onto the porch. He led me over to the swing and sat down with me. At first I leaned on the arm of the swing, but I began to feel tired and began yawn. Edward reached out and pulled me over to him and I put my head on his shoulder.

"Sleepy, Jingle Bells?"

"Maybe a little."

The air had a slight chill to it and I shivered as a breeze passed. He pulled me closer to him. I closed my eyes and listened to his breathing and the sound made me instantly calm. After a minute, I opened my eyes to see him looking up at the night sky. I watched his eyes sparkle as he examined the twinkling orbs of the heavens. He glanced down to see me staring at him.

"You know, Bella, the nighttime sky is something. It makes you feel so insignificant. I mean, look at how many stars are up there and how much is here. Makes you feel small."

This was another one of those times I didn't know what to say to him. I just turned my eyes to the heavens and watched the stars shimmer above us for a while. As I watched the stars twinkle, I thought about something that my mom had said to me. _"Bella, you know, one day you are going to find that person that makes your heart melt. It will surprise you, and you will know its fate, that it's meant to be. Like it was written in the stars above…"_ I chuckled at the thought.

"What's so funny?" Edward asked as he poked me in the side.

"Nothing, just thinking about something my mom told me a while back."

"Want to share with the class?" His eyes twinkled with playfulness.

"Not really."

"Fine then," he turned his eyes back to the sky and that was when we heard something that we didn't expect. He helped me up from the swing to go back into the house. We crossed the kitchen and peaked into the living room and we found the funniest thing ever. The girls had come down from Alice's room and had joined Emmett and Jasper in the living room. They were dancing around to the radio, and Emmett had picked up Rose's hairbrush and was singing along with the song "Faith" by George Michael.

We stood in the doorway for what seemed like forever, and it was funny how much Emmett was getting into the song.

_Baby  
_

_I know you're asking me to stay  
_

_Stay  
_

_Please, please, please don't go away  
_

_You say I'm giving you the blues._

I leaned over to whisper to Edward. "Just think that is your brother there." I giggled and hoped that Emmett wouldn't hear me and would just go on._  
_

_Maybe you mean every word you say  
_

_Can't help but think of yesterday  
_

_And another who tied me down to loverboy rules.  
_

_Before this river becomes an ocean  
_

_Before you throw my heart back on the floor  
_

_Oh baby  
_

_I reconsider my foolish notion  
_

_Well  
_

_I need someone to hold me but I'll wait for something more.  
_

_Yes  
_

_I've got to have faith  
_

_I've got to have faith_

He kept singing until the song finished and neither of us could contain our laughter anymore. They all turned to see Edward holding me up and Edward leaning up against the door frame. Emmett along with everyone else laughed too.

So the rest of the night consisted of us singing horribly to the radio. I even broke down and sang some. Finally, Carlisle and Esme came home and went up to bed, so the fun had to end there. The girls told the boys good night and I followed them all up to Alice's room. I curled up on the floor and closed my eyes. I knew it wasn't long before everyone else was asleep, but I was still awake.

My eyes popped open when Alice's door was opened. There stood Edward looking in on us. He looked down to meet my eyes.

"Sweet dreams, Bella."

He pulled the door to again and I heard him slip into his room and pull the door closed behind him. I pulled my cover up close to my face and rolled over to the side. Edward really was a nice guy, nicer than most people knew. In his own way, he was the perfect guy. He was charming, sweet, sincere – even though he never let people know it, and very talented. I hope that I find someone that is as sweet and thoughtful as he is. I just wish that he could see himself as I do, the good guy, with the heart of pure gold and the sparkling personality that shined through when you looked deeply into his emerald eyes. He was going to make some girl very happy one day.

Sighing, I tried to let my mind relax and let sleep come. My mind kept drifting back to Edward and that was when I fell into a dream, one filled with many thoughts and many of the hopes that I held for the future. The one thing that was constant in my dreams was Edward, my protector, and my knight and shining armor, and the most important part was that he was always there, his hand in mine.


	8. Chapter 7: The Older Man

I am just having too much fun with this story. I am sorta having some issues with my other story at the moment, and I am trying to work out the problems before I post, so bare with me.

My Normal Ramblings: Well, the Twilight series and its characters aren't mine, but Stephenie Meyer's. Support my fan fic buddies, Stormy Bella and twilightgurl22. Read some of my fave stories and support their authors. Review. I am totally enjoying the reviews.

The normal dedication to my three amigos still stands. (Stormy Bella, twilightgurl22, and CARLISLE'SDARKETERNALQUEEN) I'll just refer to you guys now as the Three Amigos. To halojones, this is my trade for a new chapter. I expect to see another one before you leave for Hawaii.

Now, back to the story...

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Chapter 7 The Older Man Song: (Nice To Meet You) Anyway - Gavin DeGraw  
Reasoning: If you haven't ever heard this song, its good. Especially the Stripped version, its even better. I think it will kinda explain itself after you read the chapter, if not. Oh well, its just a good song.

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Chapter 7: The Older Man

_**A Few Months Later…**_

School was on a constantly changing and causing me to do things that I normally wouldn't do. Most of it consisted of me falling asleep at Edward's computer and me using the keyboard as a pillow. I was nearing the end of my college applications and I was happy to see the end. The next thing on the agenda for me… scholarships and grants.

"Bella, you are drooling on the keyboard."

I picked up my head to glare at him. Edward just smiled as he flipped through his new car parts catalog for "Christine." I pulled myself up and started typing again, trying to get my final essay done. The only reason I was applying to this school was because Kat goes to school there. She told me that I would enjoy the chance to come home again for a while.

The silence of the room was broken when the phone in the room started to ring. Edward crossed the room and picked it up.

"Hello. Yeah, Mrs. S. She's right here, just a second. It's your mother." He smiled to me with a goofy smile.

"I think I got that from the 'Mrs. S' part," muttering at him while I took the phone from his hands.

"Hey Mom."

"_Bella, sweetie, you need to get home. You know we have that cookout at the Blacks today. Billy wants your dad to get there early so he can help cook some of the fish."_

"Yeah, I'll leave right now. Be home in a few. Bye."

I pushed the button to end the call and turned to look at Edward who looked annoyed, since this was the first Saturday that we had spent time together in forever.

"Leaving?" he asked.

"Got to. Family trip to La Push for a cookout."

"Going to the Blacks?"

"Yeah, I would rather have my eyes poked out though," I sighed as I thought about the thought of being in La Push. It was mostly just a bunch of my parents' friends so I would just be bored out of my mind. I was going to have to pick out some good reading material before I left home to keep my mind on and prevent my mind from becoming a pile of mush from the boredom.

"Sucks to be you. You can come back by later if you want."

"I bet it will be late, I'll just call you tomorrow, Edward. Catch you later."

"Later, Jingle Bells."

After I saved my essay and shutting down the computer, I was down the stairs and back in my truck. After starting it and letting it idle while I searched the radio for a song, I was ready to put it in reverse and head home.

I was in a mood, so I picked some random angry chick music. I was happy when I found one of my favorite Pat Benatar songs, I turned up the radio and rolled down the windows. Turning onto the main road, I put my foot down on the gas and drove, letting the wind blow throughout the truck and it ruffled my hair, but it was something that I needed more than anything. I even sang along with the song as I went.

As I saw the Forks city limit sign, I pushed down on the brakes. Luckily, Charlie wasn't with me or I would have been pulled over. I might be the daughter of the police chief but I do have a need for speed. I slipped my truck into the drive and tumbled out. I pulled the door open to find both my parents getting things ready for the trip over to La Push.

"Bella, go up and change. We are leaving in ten minutes," yelled my mother from the kitchen.

I climbed the stairs and threw my bag of college stuff on my bed. I pulled off my plain t-shirt for my favorite band t-shirt and my favorite pair of jeans. I stumbled through my closet too to find my favorite pair of combat boots. Pulling down my mess of hair I grabbed my brush and pulled it through my hair in hopes of getting it under control. After a couple of minutes it was lying down somewhat and then pulling it into a sort of twist with a clip. I pulled down a few strands of hair to frame my face and I picked some of the makeup that Alice forced me to buy on our last shopping trip. Applying a very thin layer of powder, mascara, and a gloss, I was ready, though I knew my parents wouldn't necessarily approve. _Oh well._

"Bella, we are leaving," yelled Charlie from the bottom of the stairs.

I grabbed my favorite book from my night stand and was headed down the stairs. My mother frowned at my choice of shirt, but she knew it was too late to complain since they were running late anyway.

"Bella, you can drive, but you can't leave until we do." My father's typical response. He always thought I spent way too much time with Edward and the Cullens, and to keep me from getting there and running back to Forks to be with them, he implemented the "you stay with us until we leave rule." I sighed as I threw my book into the front seat and turned the key.

I pulled out and again, turned on some more angry chick music, though the speed issue had to remain under control since the chief was going to be driving right behind me in the cruiser. I rolled up the windows some, to keep my hair from becoming wild again, but I left the passenger down and it let the fresh air in. The fragrance of the air was changing with the seasons. Autumn was coming and the trees shown its many colors. I especially loved the brilliant reds and oranges. I wanted my mind as clear as possible before I got there. I didn't want make the parents mad, since normally I would become a royal bitch when I was forced to stay somewhere against my will.

As I drove through the village limits of La Push, I turned at the stop sign to head down to the dead end where the Blacks lived. When I pulled into the drive it was clear that most of the people in La Push were there and that meant it was going to be a really long night. I climbed out of the truck, book in hand, and went toward the house. I was met by many smiling faces of people that I vaguely knew and it was when I got to the house I saw its owner, Billy Black.

"Bella I'm so happy to see you."

"It's nice to see you again, Billy," I said as I leaned down to give the man a hug. Billy had been in his wheelchair for the past few years and it had been quite an adjustment, but now he was about as mobile was anyone else.

Finally, Charlie and Renee came to greet him so I was allowed to move on and get somewhere out of the way. I found the most remote spot I could find and settled myself down on the ground and turned to the page I had stopped on last time I read and pulled my glasses down on my face. My eyes flew across the pages and I sat like that for a long time. My peace and quiet was disrupted by the laughter of some people that were walking in my direction.

It was a group of people from La Push, and it was clear that they were in their early to mid twenties. Most of them were guys, but was followed closely by one woman. I dropped my eyes back down to my book when the kept getting closer to me.

"I can't believe it, Bella… is that you?"

I looked up to meet the eyes of a very nice looking russet skinned man with very mysterious eyes. I was in shock too. Most guys never noticed me, only creepy ones like Mike Newton ever saw me.

"You don't remember me do you?"

I felt my skin go crimson in about a second. I wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole and die.

"It's me, Jake."

I turned my eyes back to his and I then saw it. Jacob Black, the one person that I hadn't expected to see. He had went away to start a career in journalism and was working in publishing somewhere.

"It's been a while, Jake. How have you been?"

"Busy. I have been editing a lot of books for my company and I finally got some free time to come back and hang with my old 'pack' of friends. How are you?" His eyes sparkled as he spoke, and they sort of gave me the chills.

"School. College applications, scholarships, grants, stuff like that. Nothing interesting."

"I have always thought you were interesting, Bella," he whispered.

My eyes turned to meet his yet again and they were filled with something that I really didn't understand at the moment.

"Come on, Jake, lets get some food," yelled one of his friends.

"I'll be there in a sec, Quil. I'll see you in a little bit, Bella." He smiled as he ran to meet back up with his friends.

To say I was confused would be an understatement. I was completely puzzled in every possible way you could imagine. I watched as Jake walked with his friends, but he turned back to look at me for a moment and I saw his incredible smile and his dark mysterious eyes. I blushed and turned my head back down into my book. I hoped that I would not cross his path again, but then there was this feeling that I had in the pit of my stomach telling me that it wasn't the last time I would see him tonight.

For a while, I actually thought that I was going to have a quiet evening. The food was good and all and it was time that everyone was going to head down to First Beach for a bonfire. After arriving at the beach, I found a nice log that was far enough that I wouldn't be bothered and began to stare out upon the water. For a change, the clouds had parted and a moon shined brightly over the shimmering waters. It was something that I didn't get to enjoy a lot and the feeling that it gave me was completely mesmerizing.

"Bella…"

I turned to see the tall and muscular frame of Jake standing not far behind me. He walked slowly toward me and I almost thought that my breath was going to be caught in my throat.

"Can I join you?" he asked.

I couldn't bring myself to speak, so I just nodded. He slipped down and sat next to me, a little closer than I actually wanted him to though. He sighed as he began to watch the waters that met the beach. I watching him from the corner of my eye and I examined him very closely. His raven hair was pulled into a ponytail at the nape of his neck and his face had very strong and masculine features, things that most women would die to have in a guy.

"You seem nervous," he said, breaking my concentration on his features.

I didn't want him to know I was nervous, so I continued to stare out on the shimmering waves of the water, but I couldn't help but notice the way his eyes were caressing my face.

"Bella, you have known me for how long? Why would you be nervous around me?"

I turned to see sadness in his eyes.

"Not really nervous, just curious mostly," I whispered.

"About what?"

"Why you want to talk to me, you have a whole group of friends to talk to and you want to talk to an average high girl. I'm nothing special."

"You do not see yourself very well then."

I turned back to the waters and I tried to push his response out of my head. It was really strange, especially since Jake was older than I was.

"How old are you, Jake?"

"I'll turn twenty-four in a month. Why?"

"Just wondering, I couldn't remember." I tried hard to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal, but I knew the question was making him think about the reason I had asked in the first place.

"How old are you, Bella?"

"Eighteen. Just turned eighteen in September."

"If I hadn't have known, I would have sworn you were older than that. Especially with your actions."

I turned to see that fire again in his eyes. It was then that I noticed a very large bug crawling on my leg. I wasn't the typical girl, but I hated bugs, so I squealed out in terror.

"BUG!!"

I jerked a little and I didn't notice that Jacob had grabbed me and had pulled me close to his chest in my moment of panic. When I did notice, I felt how warm his skin was against mine and how firm his grip was around my waist. I turned to see the fire within his eyes had been fanned.

Moving a little, he released me from his grip.

"Sorry, I have issues with bugs. Edward played too many jokes on me when we were younger to get me that afraid of them."

"Edward your boyfriend?" he asked.

The idea of Edward as my boyfriend was insane, but Jacob wouldn't know since he had never met Edward before.

"No, just the best friend."

"He must be a lucky guy to spend so much time with you," Jacob said as he smiled at me.

I laughed. I couldn't help it. Edward lucky? Ha. I was the lucky one to have him in my life. He was my rock, my foundation, and well, my everything. He was the best friend a girl like me could ask for.

"What's so funny about that? He can't be completely dense to the fact that you are one of the most beautiful creatures that walks on this earth. I wouldn't pass up a chance to be with a stunning woman such as you."

The blood was rushing to my face, causing it to turn a radiant shade of red. He picked up his hand and touched my face and I turned to see his gaze full of what I finally figured out to be desire. I moved enough to get myself out of his reach. I was feeling weird about what was going on here between us. One thing I was sure of, he did know what to say to a girl to make her become putty in his hands.

"I think I need to go, Jake."

I stood and when I tried to step away from me, he reached out to stop me.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I am betting I scared you with what I said. I just couldn't help myself. I have always wanted to say that to you, even when we were both younger. I have always thought you have had this unique beauty."

Again, I blushed. Since he said that, I did remember a few times that I noticed that Jake was looking at me rather oddly. I let my eyes meet his again and they were full of remorse.

"Its okay, Jake, but I really need to go, cause its getting late and I have plans in the morning."

He released my hand and let me walk away from him some, but it was when he yelled my name that I was surprised. I turned to see him looking at me.

"Bella, I know you might find this weird, but I have had feelings for you for a long time, and I hope that one day I get my chance to try to make you happy. I plan on marrying you one day."

The blood that had rushed to my face to cause me to blush had now drained from my face. I looked at him and I wanted to see that he was kidding, that he was just joking with me. His eyes did no such thing. That was when my normal Bella personality came back, the one that I had with Edward.

"In your dreams, Black. Don't you think you are a little old for me?"

"No, Bella. You need a man to take care of you, and I am the man that intends on doing that, when you finally give me the chance to do that."

I felt my heart do a little flutter. I knew it wasn't because I felt anything about Jacob, it was because I had never had a guy say something like that to me before. It was just a new feeling for an average and ordinary girl like me.

"Keep dreaming, Jake. I'll see you around."

Walking away, I thought about what he said, and the idea that he had planted in my head. The idea that I, eighteen year old Bella Swan would be with the successful, handsome, and twenty-three year old Jacob Black… that was crazy. It was insane actually. I shook the thoughts from my head and told my parents that I had to get home. My bed was calling my name. After arguing with my mother for about ten minutes, she finally caved in and said I could leave.

I climbed into my truck and was starting to pull out when I noticed Jake standing with his friends again, and yet again he turned to watch me. I wanted to hide, but it was difficult since I was driving. After a few minutes of driving I was out on the road, and no houses in sight. I opened the windows again and pulled my clip from my hair and let the wind blow through it. I turned on the radio and a song began to play and I started to sing along with it.

Pulling into the drive at around midnight, I was ready to crash. After pulling off my boots and clothes, I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and brush out my hair again. Pulling it up into a loose ponytail I went back to my room and pulled on my favorite pajamas and slipped under the quilt on my bed and got read to fall asleep, but it was then that the phone rang. I lifted the phone from the receiver and put it to my ear.

"Hello," I croaked.

"_Sounds like you survived the cookout."_ Edward just thought he was so funny.

"Yeah, but I feel like hell now. I am so tired," I mumbled as I felt my eye lids droop.

"_Sounds like it. I'll let you sleep then. See you tomorrow?"_

"Yeah, call me and wake me up though."

"_I will. Good night, Bella. Sweet dreams."_

"Night, Edward."

I put down the phone, and pulled the covers up around my head. My mind couldn't forget Jacob Black's words though, but as I slipped into slumber, I pushed them away and went into a very deep and dreamless slumber.


	9. Chapter 8: An Epiphany

Another chapter... This chapter lets some things fall into motion and things start getting more complicated along the way for some of our favorite characters.

The Customary Stuff that I ALWAYS Tell You: The Twilight series and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Yeah, like everyone else, I wish they were mine. Support my friends stories and the other authors on my favorite list. Review. Love them and I am so happy to be over the hundred review mark. Yay!

To the Three Amigos, love you guys. You guys rock. And halojones... my trade. Have fun in Hawaii. Think about me while you are there. You are just too lucky.

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Chapter 8 An Epiphany song: The World Spins Madly On – The Weepies

Reasoning: Just the thought song said something to me when I was writing. Yeah, I know… I have some odd taste in music.

* * *

Chapter 8: An Epiphany

_**December 2003**_

My world spins madly on. School consumes my time, especially those dual credit classes. Thankfully, I had lots of free periods to work on stuff. My library hour was becoming a chore because I would be behind the computer all the time working on organizing the various new videos and books that were coming in and keeping up with the general office work of the school. Most days consisted of me copying random things for the teachers and delivering messages to the numerous buildings on campus.

Though, I had so many projects going for my classes, I decided to pick up another school activity to add to my already long list for scholarship and grant purposes. I was lucky to be good at volleyball and well, I couldn't dribble a basketball to save my life, but I liked the game. So, the end result was me becoming a manager for the boys' team. I might have to sit at the front of the bus to keep "things from going on between the girls and boys" but it wasn't that bad. Plus I got to go to all the games for free, so that was a perk. So that meant that I was busy all the time, and that no one, including Edward, ever saw me.

When I was at school, I spent most of my time working with Shelly though. She just always had a way to make me laugh. After I told her to drop the subject of dating Edward, she seemed to be very quite. I knew she thought it was a good idea, but I knew it was completely and utterly insane, because it was not a good idea to mix friendships with relationships. They would just get too complicated and cause more problems than what they are worth and in the end, break a great thing, such as a friendship that had survived the awkwardness of grade school and on into junior high. So why would you want to do something that would ruin something like that? I personally had no intention of doing that.

"You ready to head to Waltonville tonight, Bella?" She asked while she was copying papers for the art teacher.

"I guess. You driving the bus there?"

"Yeah, but I'm not really looking forward to it. Wanted to go home early and crash on the couch with a bag of popcorn, and a good movie," she sighed as she stacked up the finished copies.

"Its going to be a long night that is for sure. I need to be at home working on that stupid English essay for Mrs. Shires." Stupid essay. I hate this type of writing. I can't wait for the literature and the research stuff. Fits in with my love of research and creativity. I would rather be doing some form of creative writing, but you have to do some stuff that you don't necessarily like to do to get to the good stuff, or at least that is what I have been told over and over by my parents.

I continued to type and I jerked with a pair of arms wrapped around my waist. I turned to see Edward's sparkling eyes looking at me.

"What you working on, Jingle Bells?"

"Entering the new books into the computer system. Don't you have a class to be doing stuff at?"

"Nope, we got free time today and I am here to bug my favorite person since she seems to have no time for me what so ever." He knew that was a lie, but he just liked playing mind games with me at times. He really could be a jerk at times.

"Whatever, Eddie."

"You know I hate it when people call me Eddie…"

"Yeah, but I am safe since I know most of your dirty little secrets," I said smiled up at him. He just glared down at me.

"You two should just date and it over with you know," stated Shelly who was standing not even a foot away from us.

Looking up to meet Edward's gaze and we both had this look that said, "Yeah, right. Like in a million years."

"I don't think I could ever think of Jingle Bells as a girlfriend, Shell," said Edward as he released me from his grip.

"Don't feel bad, Edward, you are not really my type either. You know my type."

"Yeah, stupid jocks or complete airheads."

"Hey, you are hurting my feelings."

"The truth shouldn't hurt, JB."

The bell finally rang, and we said our byes to Shelly and I told her I would see her on the bus to the game later. I walked through the hallway to my next class and that was when Edward's words started to make me think.

He didn't think of me as girlfriend material. That shouldn't be a big deal, but why did it seem to be bugging me so much then. I mean, he was Edward. He was the goofy kid that loved to play pranks on me and laugh at me when I fall and in the next second ask if I was okay. He wasn't my type. I liked guys like Cody and Brandon, even though his description of them was not really accurate. Well, maybe Brandon, but not Cody. I just couldn't get over the deep color of blue that Cody had for an eye color. I couldn't help but sigh at the memory.

The day went by in a complete blur after that though. I spent most of my afternoon working through Pre-Cal equations and typing like crazy to get my essay done so I wouldn't be up typing all night after I got home from the ballgame. I even worked it out with Mrs. O'Brien to work on my paper during my lunch hour in the library lab so I didn't even see Edward at lunch. I just had too many things going in my life at the moment, and these things were going to be sending me on toward my future if I did them well.

I had to hurry home and finish my equations and work through my history project before I pulled on my team polo and my favorite pair of khakis. I would have killed to wear jeans, but Coach Robinson wouldn't allow it. I finally gathered up my stuff and said my good bye to my mother and was back in my truck and headed back to the school.

When I got there I was met by Coach Rob and I was gathering the bags and water bottles and loading them on the bus. I finally got settled in the front seat up by Shelly who was doing her required paper work. I pulled out my novel that I had picked out for the ride up to Waltonville, and began to read while the team was loading onto the bus, followed closely behind by the Forks High cheerleaders. While I read, I noticed the Rick Jordan was getting on the bus. Rick was a senior when I had been a freshman, but he still volunteered his time to be the book keeper for the team. He sat down in the seat across the aisle from me and gave me a rather odd look.

The bus ride was going to rather long. At five o'clock, Shelly pulled the bus off the lot and we were headed up the road toward Waltonville. The whole time I listened to Shelly and Rick chit chat about random things, most of them really were strange, but I didn't say anything. I kept my attention on the pages of my book, and kept my eyes from looking out the window, since I got a little motion sickness when I rode buses.

After a forty-five minute drive, the bus was pulling into the parking lot of the Waltonville High School. After letting the boys off the bus, I started grabbing bags and carried them to the school. I hadn't noticed, but Rick had grabbed a couple of the bags so that lightened my load and kept me from making a second trip out to the bus. The team was down in the locker room and I was at the bench pulling out the towels, water bottles, and stat clipboards. I worked quickly and everything was ready before the team came up from the locker rooms.

I had fulfilled my requirements as manager for the time so I climbed up the bleachers to find a seat next to Shelly. She handed over her bag of popcorn to share while the game was going on. She always took good care of me, especially since were close. I was watching the game rather closely and was actually enjoying the very muscular and sweat dripping guys running back and forth up the floor. My attention wasn't on anything else. I didn't normally gawk at guys, but this was a very acceptable exception to the rule.

"You know, Rick is staring at you," whispered Shelly in my ear.

I glanced down to see his eyes on me and I brought my own eyes back to look at Shelly. I wondered what his deal was, since he was supposed to be watching the game, since he is the book keeper and all.

"Do you know why he is looking at me?"

"I don't know a thing…" Shelly was avoiding my eyes. Something was up… or even better, she knew something.

"You are lying. Spill it."

Shelly tried to keep her attention on the ball game but I wasn't going to let this go. Elbowing her in the side she turned her mind back to me.

"Spill it, Shelly. You know you want to."

"I have just heard that Rick has a thing for you, that's all." She tried to act like it was nothing, but in my simple universe, it was massive.

_What?? Rick… Rick Jordan. NO!! That was impossible. _

"You have to be kidding me."

"Nope. I actually heard it from the guy himself."

This had to be the most unusual moment I have ever experienced. Even weirder than the time that I fell at the volleyball tournament. I even shutter at that memory. Rick Jordan liked me… but in what capacity?

"Likes me how?"

"He asked me a while back if you were seeing anyone and I told him that I didn't think you were and well… he mentioned that he said that he would be interested in taking you out sometime…"

This was not what I wanted to hear. This was crazy. Rick Jordan was too old for me. He was kind of like Jacob. Too old for me. Why was this happening to me? Why??

"How do you feel about that, Bella?" she asked.

I didn't honestly know how I felt about the whole thing. It was just a crazy thought. How could something like this be happening to me? Bella Swan, the average and ordinary girl that had spent most of her life living in the small town of Forks, Washington.

"Shelly, I really don't know," I mumbled as I tried to continue to gather my thoughts.

"Remember, you can always talk to me if you need me. We've known each other for a while, and I will do anything to help you, Bella." Shelly's eyes sparkled with honesty as she spoke to me.

In the time that this conversation had taken place, the junior varsity game was over and it was time for me to round up my freshmen players so they could keep stats during the varsity game. As I worked, I noticed Rick's eyes following my every movement. It actually was creeping me out some, but I continued to work. I knew if I had any problems, Coach Rob would take care of them for me. Coach Robinson had a way of dealing with stuff, especially when the guys were being jerks to me. It helped being the girl manager of the team.

During the rest of the game I sat behind the team and was keeping stats myself. My main job was to keeping the freshmen's attentions on the game and not the other team's cheerleaders. I was having trouble keeping up with everything because my thoughts weren't on basketball at the moment, they were on the guy that was sitting about eight feet away keeping the score book. I couldn't understand why a guy like Rick Jordan was causing me so much trouble, especially this kind of trouble.

As the players went back and forth up the floor, I thought about how crazy it was, but then it was hard for me to think that maybe that this was a good thing. This would be something that would take the heat off of me and Edward and this would stop Shelly and everyone else from saying that I needed to date Edward. The fact was that the people saying that I should be dating Edward were not diminishing and it was only becoming more and more complicated. It was really becoming a very unnecessary complication at that. If I got a boyfriend that would release some of my tension since the female population of Forks High wouldn't hate me for being Edward's friend. They would just hate me because I get to spend all that time with him. That was something that I couldn't really stop doing since I depended on him so much.

Then my thoughts went back to the thought that Rick was not really my type. He was no Cody or Brandon that was for sure. Cody and Brandon had manly qualities… Rick, well, wasn't. I would be the man in the relationship and I didn't really want that kind of relationship with a guy. What girl really wants to totally wear the pants in a relationship? I wanted someone that would love me unconditionally, and take care of me when I needed it. I didn't want one that would be falling all over me at all times, but someone that was no afraid to be his own person. I didn't want to be the one taking care of someone forever.

I needed independence. I craved it. I wanted to be something. I don't want to be defined as someone's wife, but as Bella… the person that set out to conquer the world and accomplished something in her life and I knew if I got involved with someone like Rick Jordan, my dreams would be shattered. Dreams that I couldn't pass up, even if it meant that I would end up alone in the end.

My mind was drug back to the basketball game and it was a close one. Chris Jones from Forks High had the ball and took a shot from three point range at the buzzer… and scored. We won the game. The crowd was on their feet cheering, and I was as well, though my mind wasn't completely there with the cheering fans, but on how this new information could still change my life.

The crowd began to part and I was pulling the equipment back together and put them down in the bags. I watched the team go down to the locker room to hear one of Coach Rob's pep talks and such and I just grabbed stuff and headed for the bus. After loading everything in the front seats, I settled myself down in the dark bus and waited for the team and cheerleaders to load onto the bus.

My mind continued to race as the team and cheerleaders got on the bus. Rick sat down across from me when he got on the bus and started a conversation with Shelly again, and that was when I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. The idea that this guy liked me in a girlfriend sort of way was nuts. Mostly because I am in love with Edward…

_Wait a minute… did I just think that?_

My mind stopped for a moment. Did I? Do I LOVE Edward Cullen? This can't be possible. My mind kept running and I tried to slow down my thoughts. Edward wasn't my type. He was a jerk at times and he wasn't the nicest person to women in particular… I pushed myself up against the cold window and tried to think.

The whole thing was nuts. I couldn't love Edward, not in that way. I mean I would walk up and tell him I love ya…I love ya isn't I love you. Big difference in context. That was when I started to think about everything…

The day that Edward told me that he was dating Lauren and that she wanted him to stay away from me hurt me on more levels than I actually wanted to admit. The idea that he would pick someone over me hurt. Then the way that he took care of me and protected me from anyone that wanted to do anything to me. This wasn't necessarily the most normal and typical actions for a guy and there was what I created in my mind as the ideal guy and it was rather strange since the comparisons were what Edward was in every single way.

I pushed my face to the cold glass. I had to calm down. I couldn't love Edward that way… he was my friend, best friend. I went through all those weird stages of development with him and everything.

That was when I heard something in the back of my head say, _"You have always been in love with him…"_

That was when my mind traveled back to that moment, that moment when I met him. The eyes drew me in from that moment and the way that he treated me made me… fall in love with him.

I was in love with Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. The guy with a chip on his shoulders at times and thought he was a complete bad ass. The guy that was a complete womanizer and would probably never settle for one woman. The guy that was really a true sweetheart and would make someone really happy, whenever he actually did choose to find someone.

_I'm doomed._

That was all I could think. How could I fall in love with my best friend? I placed my hand on my face and tried to brush away my hair that had fallen down in my eyes and then began to pinch the bridge of my nose.

All I knew was that everything was going to change, but how they would change was the question.


	10. Chapter 9: Dealing With New Feelings

Another new chapter. I am still working on the chapter for my other story. I hope to have it up either tonight or tomorrow.

You get this chapter early since I am overly happy. I was supposed to go to this concert last night to see Jake Owen (Country singer) and it was going to be in this outdoor thing. Well long story short, there ended up being a tornado warning and the concert was cancelled. I was totally bummed. So my friends and I went to eat at Steak & Shake. We were eating when we noticed that Jake Owen was actually in there! I got to meet him and have my picture taken with him so it made my night. So this chapter is my happy gift to you all.

The Normal Stuff: The Twilight series and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Dang it, I wish I was that creative. Sigh. Support my friends and the authors of my fave stories. They are really good and I think they are really talented. Review please. Love hearing your thoughts and comments. I try to get back to everyone when you review. You never know, if you say the right thing to me, I might give you a hint about things to come. :)

The Three Amigos - you guys know I love you so much. How did I get so lucky to have such nice friends? I guess the angels were looking down on me when I found you guys. halojones... another trade for a nice person.

On With The Story...

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Chapter 9 Dealing With New Feelings Song: Complicated – Carolyn Dawn Johnson

Reasoning: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something and you were worried about what the response would be… that is what this song is all about and it fits in with Bella's feelings perfectly. You should totally listen to this song when you read this.

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Chapter 9: Dealing With New Feelings

I woke up to the sun shining down on me while I was curled up on my bed. Groaning I rolled over and pushed my head down into the pillow. I hadn't slept well and it was clear that this day wasn't going to improve any either. Sunshine wasn't always a good sign, at least in my book. Luckily it was Saturday and I wasn't going to have to face Edward, at least for a little while. Hopefully I could avoid him at least until Monday. By then I might have figured everything out especially about how these new feelings were going to affect things.

I pulled my covers up around my head and continued to lay there and try to go back to sleep, but the thoughts that I was having about Edward were not going to allow me to. I finally crawled out of bed and went down the hall to the bathroom. I pulled off my clothes and got into the shower.

The water was scalding but it felt so good against my tense muscles. After putting some of my favorite body wash on my sponge I massaged the muscles in hopes of relaxing them some because I was overly tense. Then grabbing some of my shampoo I lathered my hair and began to rinse the soap from my hair, letting the water run down my back as I rinsed. I let the water run for a moment longer, the water beating down on my back. I then turned it off and got out.

I pulled my towel down from its hook and began to dry myself off. I walked over to the mirror and in a swift motion of my hand, wiped the moisture away from the mirror to stare at myself.

_Who am I kidding? Edward wouldn't want someone like me? I'm not tall, blonde, graceful… I'm just plain. Ordinary. He even said I wasn't his type._

Sighing, I finished drying and wrapped the towel around me, and went on to my room. I was pulling the door shut when I heard a gasp from behind me. I turned to see Edward sitting on my bed.

"Edward! What the hell are you doing here at seven in the morning?!"

"Good morning to you to, Jingle Bells." His voice full of his usual sarcasm

"Get out!" I screamed.

"Chill out, Bella. It's not like I haven't seen you in a towel before."

_You haven't seen me like this since I realized that I like you more than as a friend._

"Edward, please. Give me a few minutes." I wanted to sound annoyed so he would get a clue and leave me alone for a few minutes.

He looked at me for a moment, and then left, pulling the door closed behind him. I went over to my dresser and pulled out some clean underwear and then ran to the closet to get a comfy pair of pants along with my black hoodie.

"You can come back in, Edward. I know you are standing outside the door."

He pushed the door open and looked at me to make sure it was actually safe to come in. I finally went over to my desk and pulled out my chair and got comfy while he went and sprawled out on my bed. _The guy that I like is on my bed. Stop it, Bella. It's Edward. Even if you do have feelings for him, he's still Edward._

"What are you doing here on a Saturday morning, anyway, Eddie?"

"Can't I come over to see my friend?" He asked though his eyes were shining annoyance at me since I called him Eddie.

"Yeah, but I am not used to seeing you at all over the weekend. I didn't expect you to grace me with your presence for at least a couple of days."

His eyes were studying mine. I was trying my best to hide these new feelings deep inside. I wanted to burry them, and not acknowledge them at all. Maybe if I bottle them up, I will be able to live with these feelings, even though I won't get the chance to be with Edward. Who am I kidding? I knew it wasn't going to work, but it was a thought.

"Bella, what is going on with you… you are acting, really strange." His expression and eyes showed that he was worried about me.

"I'm good. Just don't feel that great." I was trying to sound okay, but my tone must have said something different.

He stood from the bed and walked toward me. Now I noticed how his body moved when he walked. It was almost like a lion moving in to kill its prey. His hand moved to my forehead, and it stayed there for a moment. The way his touch made me feel was unlike anything I had experienced before. It was electric and so powerful. I couldn't believe that I hadn't noticed this kind of stuff before.

"You don't feel hot, but you really don't look right." I didn't have time to think before he had me lifted from my chair and had me back in my bed with the covers pulled up around me.

"You know I could have walked over here, thank you very much."

"What kind of friend would I be if I didn't take care of you sometimes, Bells?"

_Friend… always the friend, never the girlfriend._ Sighing, I rolled over and turned away from him.

Then I felt the bed shift and an arm wrapping around my waist. I tensed up some.

"Edward, what are you doing?" As I asked that question, I felt my heart speed up and it almost felt as if it was going to beat right out of my chest.

"If you are going to sleep, I figure that I would to. I have missed you, Bella. I just want to spend the day with you. Is that okay?"

"I guess," I mumbled.

I felt his body shift closer to me and I had to concentrate on not gasping. He was so close to me, and I was too chicken to tell him that I loved him. In a few moments, I heard him snore a little. I relaxed a little then. I rolled over to look at his slumbering face. In sleep, Edward looked the same as he did when I met him all those years ago. As I looked my eyes fell on his lips. I wondered what it would be like to kiss them. Were they as soft as I figured they would be?

I couldn't help but smile with him being this close to me. I moved my arm a little and pushed some of his hair from his face. My fingertips brushed against his skin and he moved a little, only to pull me tighter to his chest. I knew there was no point in trying to avoid the inevitable, so I curled myself up against his chest and let myself fall asleep.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

When I woke up, I was confused, mostly because I was not on my pillow, but on someone. I pushed my eyes open to see that it hadn't been a dream. Edward was really here. I couldn't help but giggle, when he snored. His eyes then opened slowly and looked at me.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up." I wish I could have kept that inside for a while. I would have liked to stay like this with him for a little while longer. That would have given me freedom to look at him without him asking me tons of questions.

"It's okay. You look like you feel better too." I nodded and I figured that he would release me from his grip, but he didn't. "So what do you want to do today?" He asked with his normal charming smile.

"No clue." I wiggled a little, and he finally released me. He sat up and stretched out some, when he did his shirt shifted up some allowing me to see his very toned abs. _Dang, Kat was right… he is built._

"Figure it out, Swan. You are the brains of this operation."

I rolled my eyes at him as I pulled myself up to a sitting position. I stretched myself and looked over to examine him without him noticing. Now that I was actually looking at him, I could see why girls were throwing themselves at him, but then I thought about the things that I knew that they didn't know, and it made me smile. I had part of him that many of them would like to see, but probably would never see.

He stood and crossed the room to look at the stuff on my desk and finally sat himself down in my desk chair and swirled around to face me.

"I'm waiting, Jingle Bells. We are burning daylight here."

I couldn't think. I had one too many thoughts going through my head at once and all of them were about the Adonis that was sitting there staring at me. It was hard to think with him so close. I knew that I should be used to being this close to him, but now, everything was different. I was still his friend, but now I saw him as those blonde bimbos seen him, desirable. It wasn't something I wanted consciously, but maybe my subconscious has always wanted him.

"I was actually thinking about going to the bookstore and getting me some new reading material. I have read everything here about ten times."

I was hoping that he wouldn't be interested in going. He had been the bookstore with me before, but I was hoping that Rosalie and Alice's horror stories might scare him enough that I would get him away from me for a bit, so I could process everything I was feeling.

"Sure. Whatever you want to do, I am with you." He responded as he stood up and started to walk across the room toward the door. _Damn. That didn't go as planned._

"I'll be down in a few. Hey, were my parents not down there when you came in?"

"Nope, note on the table though. They went to Seattle for the day, and they would be back tonight sometime."

He shut the door as he went out and that was when I threw myself at my pillow and yelled into it. I honestly felt like I was acting around him now. I had to act "normal." I couldn't let him know that I had suddenly come to the realization that he was the guy that I wanted and that no other guy could or would compare to him. Stupid emotions… why did they have to change my perfect friendship with my best friend?

Sighing, I pulled myself from the bed, and straightened it up and then went to the closet to find me a pair of jeans. The hoodie would do, but the pants were not leaving the house. My hair was a mess so I sprayed it and quickly brushed it out and pulled it up in my traditional twist and clip. I grabbed my money from my bowl by my bed and my phone.

As I came down the stairs I saw Edward sitting on the couch with one of Charlie's magazines and when he finally heard me step off the stairs, he turned to look at me. I was mesmerized by his eyes. They truly shimmered. They even beat out Cody's eyes and he had some beautiful ones. I finally shook my head and broke my concentration on them.

"You ready, Edward?" I asked, trying to act all casual.

"Yeah, but do you want to eat before we leave?"

"Nope." Picking up my keys, I headed for the door with him close behind me. After we both got out of the door, I locked it up and headed toward my truck.

"I don't think so, Bella. Come on." He was pulling me toward his car and that was when I started to pull against him.

"I am driving. This is my outing. You said that I am the brains, let me drive."

"You know how I feel about women drivers." His eyes burned into me, and felt my edge weakening, but I knew I couldn't give in.

"You were the one that taught me to drive." I had him there, and he knew it. He just glared at me in defeat and headed for the passenger side of my truck.

Climbing in, I threw my stuff into the middle and I watched as he pulled his seat belt over and started grabbing at the bar above the door. I looked over to him and gave him a "bite me" look and he just smiled. _Stupid guy._

After the truck was started, and was backed out of the drive, he started to play with my radio.

"I don't play with your radio in 'Christine' so back off mine, buddy." I said as I smacked his hand playfully.

He looked at me and just sat there and pouted like he was a little kid that didn't get his way. It was just so cute. I put another of my mix CDs and the sound flooded the truck. He couldn't complain since it was one similar to one that I had made him.

One of the songs was Bob Segar and he started to sing along with it. He had an amazing voice, though most people wouldn't know it. He got into the song and was lost in the moment, and I listened to him as I drove. As I thought about it, it was these kinds of moments that made me care so much about Edward. He was just free with me, unlike when he was at school and he played up his bad ass personality. This was the Edward I was in love with. Not the womanizer, not the want to be rebel, but this sweet guy that could get lost in the moment and be himself.

He sang the entire way to Port Angles and I was actually sorry that we had arrived at the bookstore, because I would have loved to listen to him more. It was these moments with him were the ones that I treasured more than anything the world.

He held the door open and I went into the store and as soon as I walked in I took a deep breath enjoying the smell of the new books that lined the shelves. He laughed at me and I turned to glare at him. He thought my love of new books was insane, especially since he wasn't much of a reader and most of all he thought it was crazy since one of my favorite smells was new books.

"I don't laugh at your love of cars, Edward." He smiled at me and took my hand and pulled me deeper into the store.

The contact with his skin was amazing. Finally he let me walk through the store, though he never released my hand. When I reached the fantasy and young adult section he let go and let me walk freely in front of the shelves, but he was never but a few steps behind me. I picked up a variety of books and read a few pages to see if I would enjoy them and when I did find something that I wanted he would stand there and hold them for me.

Finally, I needed to get a book for English class so I had to ask for help to find it. I finally found someone that worked there. He appeared to be in his early twenties with dusty blonde hair and hazel eyes and I knew that he was nice looking before I got close to him, but he was very attractive when I got closer, though not attractive as Edward.

"Excuse me; I need to find this book on Shakespeare."

"Of course. Title?"

I gave him the information and out of the corner of my eye I noticed that Edward was taking this protective stance next to me, which I found rather odd. The clerk led me across the store to the section and pulled the book from the shelf and handed it to me.

"Is there anything else I can do for you…" he asked.

"Bella and no. That's all I need. Thank you."

"If you need anything, my name is Chris. Don't hesitate to ask for me personally." He smiled and left us standing there.

I turned to see Edward glaring at the guy as he walked away.

"What is wrong with you?" I asked causing his attention to return to me. His eyes still burned with something. Jealousy? No. It couldn't be.

"That guy was wanting to get in your pants, Bella." He sneered at me.

"What? No way. I highly doubt that Edward." He was insane. Guys like Chris or Edward didn't go for girls like me.

"I am surprised that he didn't just grab you and take off with you actually. If I wouldn't have been here I bet you would have had his number too."

"You jealous, Edward?" I had to ask, even though I knew he wasn't.

"No, but I don't like guys looking at you like you are a piece of meat." His eyes told me that he was more than a little mad, he was furious.

I grabbed his hand and led him toward the check out and hoped that Chris stayed clear because I was worried that Edward might blow a gasket before we got out of the store. The cashier was a very pleasant lady and she rang up all my books and before I could get my money out of my pocket, Edward had his credit card out and paid for everything. He took the bag and led me out of the store.

"You know I am going to kill you now, right?" I asked as he walked toward my truck. He turned to look at me like he didn't do a thing wrong.

"Why would you be mad at me? I didn't do anything."

I just glared at him as we got in the truck. As soon as I got the truck my stomach growled.

"I think its time you got something to eat there, Bells." He was trying to get back on my good side so he was trying to appear cute.

"Thanks Captain Obvious."

"Let me take you out to lunch."

He took me by surprise when he said that. That wasn't something I would have expected to come from him. He didn't take people out to eat. At all.

"What's brought this on?" I was really curious about this one.

"Bella, I am hungry, and you are obviously hungry as well since I just heard your stomach growl like a lion. Humor me." His eyes shimmered in the sun as he looked over at me. I wanted to be mad. I really did, but something about those green eyes kept me from being mad at him.

"Can I drive?" He asked. It took me aback too.

"What?"

"I want surprise you. Please?"

"You realize the last time you drove this truck you broke it?" I still hadn't completely forgotten about him breaking it either.

"I will keep it on pavement at all times, promise." His smile dazzled me into letting him drive.

He slipped the truck into drive and headed toward down a side street. The music from the radio continued and he hummed along with the music. I leaned my head up against the head rest on the seat and stared out the window. This was what I wanted… I wanted to be able to do this everyday for the rest of my life. To have Edward there with me and for us to be happy together would be a dream come true. I wanted the whole white picket fence, the kids, the dog, everything. It was hard to wrap my mind around though. My mind still told me that it was insane, but my heart kept crying out to tell him. Tell him that I love him and that I needed him. I was fighting a constant battle within myself. The mind couldn't deal with this, but the heart was breaking because I was too terrified that if I were to tell him this, that I would lose the friend that I needed. I guess the question that I needed to answer was, which was more important, the friend or the love.

I felt the truck slow down and heard him shift it into park. I turned to see that we pulled up in front of this Italian restaurant. He slipped out of the truck and I followed quickly behind him. Like normal, he was a complete gentleman, and opened the door for me.

We were greeted by the hostess and she led us to a corner both and told us that our server would be with us soon. I did notice that she was trying to figure out if I was Edward's girlfriend or what. By the expression on her face it was clear that she was pleased to think I wasn't. I just sighed and focused my attention on the menu in my hands.

Then I felt his hand brush up against my fingers.

"Hey, why so blue?" Looking up at him, I realized I must appear bummed. I forced a smile.

"Not blue, just got a lot on my mind." I pushed my eyes back down to the menu.

"Like?"

"Nothing really," I wanted to avoid this. I couldn't talk to him about this. Especially since he was the cause of all these thoughts.

"I know you are lying to me. Talk to me." His voice sounded strange so I looked up to meet his expression and it was full of uncertainty.

"Edward, there are things that I can't talk to you about. I know we are best friends, but some things are just girl things and I can't tell you. So, just let it go, please."

"Alright, Bells, but you know I am here for you no matter what, right?"

I knew he was sincere about what he said, but I wondered what he would think if he knew that he was the cause of my confusion and the feelings that I had deep inside for him.

Finally the server came and took our order and left us there to talk. He was talking about random things, and I just listened. I wasn't really in the mood to talk. I kept trying to rationalize how this had happened. How I had come to love the person that I shouldn't love, but did. It would give my life another complication and that was why I told people that it wasn't a good idea for us to date or anything, and now I wanted nothing more than to be his girlfriend. To be the one that he would be with on the weekends, and to have him kiss me. I must have looked dazed off, but he didn't notice it that much.

When the food arrived, he continued to talk some while we ate. I really didn't notice the taste of the food or anything. It was just food to me. My attention was on him. After about thirty minutes we were both done and the server brought the check and he handed her the money and told her to keep the change.

I walked out ahead of him, trying to get away from his presence for a moment, in hopes of relaxing some. I finally heard the door shut to the restaurant and that was when I felt his hand take mine and lead me back to the truck. I looked up at the sky to see that the sun was slowly setting and that it was really a lot later than what I thought it was. He opened the door for me and then got behind the wheel and started the truck to take us home.

I didn't talk at all. I just thought. I thought about all the things that I was feeling. How things would or could change when I got enough courage to tell him how I felt about him. How I would deal with the rejection, and most of all how I could deal with losing him if it came to that. I wasn't sure of anything at the moment. I was terrified, even though my exterior told something else.

Being worried was one thing, but how I was feeling was something completely different. One conclusion that I did come to was that I wouldn't be able to keep these feelings bottled up forever, and that eventually I would have to tell him. Tell him that he was my everything and that I desired him more than any man on this earth. I wanted him and only him. How could I do that? That would be putting so much pressure on him.

Finally, he pulled my truck into the drive and parked next to his car. I wanted to say something cleaver to him, but I was at a lost for words at the moment.

"Bella…"

I turned to him and he just looked at me. Not confused, not angry, just stared into my eyes for a moment. I didn't know what was really going on with him, but it didn't bother me, since it gave me a moment to look at him without being caught staring.

"Yeah."

"We really should do this kind of stuff more. I didn't realize until today that I have missed you so much. You are always busy with school stuff or the basketball manager thing, and we never just get to hang out like we used to."

_It will never completely be like it used to be. Too many things have changed especially how I see you._

"Yeah, I know, but I have to do this stuff if I want to get into a good school and have a chance of getting out of this town someday."

"You know leaving Forks would mean leaving me behind…" He said his voice filled with sadness.

"Yeah, but there are some things, Edward, that I can't stop my life for, even though I would totally want to. Just know that no matter where I go, you will always be with me."

He smiled and leaned over and pulled me into a hug. His strong arms wrapped around me comforted me for the moment. I was at peace with myself and everything in my life. How could a man do that to me? I wanted to lean in and kiss him. To feel the softness of his lips against mine, but I knew it was too much to want, so I accepted the hug with grace and took what I was offered.

We finally got out of the truck and he walked me up to my door.

"Well, I guess I need to get home, Alice has some kind of family time thing planned."

I groaned because I knew if Alice was involved, no telling what it would consist of.

"Well, good luck to you. Night, Edward."

"Sweet dreams, Jingle Bells."

I watched him walk back to his car, get in, and finally pull away before I reached for my keys to the door. I pushed the door open and locked it behind me as I went up the stairs to my bedroom. I dropped my purchases on the floor and flung myself onto the bed. I grabbed one of the pillows and pushed my face down in it. I realized that it smelt like his cologne. I took a deep breath, taking in as much of it as I could.

I finally rolled over to stare up at the ceiling for a while. I just stared at it. I didn't think, I just stared. I wanted my mind clear. I needed it clear for a moment. After everything that had went on today, I had to have this calm moment. I needed to get all of the thoughts about Edward Cullen out of my head.

I finally heard my parents come in and my mom came up to check on me, but soon left me alone. I pulled off my clothes and slowly pulled out a t-shirt and pair of shorts to sleep in. I crawled into bed and laid there for a while. I wasn't going to sleep. My mind was too busy thinking about him. The way his eyes would look at me when he was confused or how playful they were when he was joking with me. The way that his hair fell down over his eyes, the way he moves.

Sighing, I stood up and went to stare out the window and I looked up to see a clear night again with the stars shimmering above. It was then I saw it. It shot across the heavens and down toward earth. I made a wish in that moment.

_Please let Edward see me and let him know how much I truly love him._

I sat down on the window sill for I don't know how long, just watching the twinkling orbs of the heavens. In time it made me tired, and I did try to sleep. Most of all I knew it was only a matter of time. The time that I would have to tell him. Tell him everything that is going on inside of me. I just hoped that he would not change after hearing what I had to say to him.

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I had this sort of flashback to Dawson's Creek in the early part of the chapter. I thought it was a cute idea to have him stay there and they just sleep. Anyway, look for a new chapter soon. EclipseoftheTwilightMoon


	11. Chapter 10: Snow Falling On Bella

Hi Everyone.

Sorry it took so long for this chapter to get posted. If you are going to be angry, be angry with my friend Autumn and her husband, Gene. I have spent the past week helping them move from their apartment to their new house. Guess that is what you get when you own a truck. Plus it would have been up earlier, but my internet was down, so I couldn't get it up. (Stupid dial up internet, grrr)

This chapter has really been bothering me a lot. It had to happen, but remember, that the story is far from being over, so hang in there with me. Let's just say that this chapter hurt me a lot more than you can imagine and I'm the one that wrote the dang thing. So basically, I hope you like it. :)

The Normal Stuff: The Twilight series and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Please support my fave authors and stories. They are all really good stories and the authors are very talented. Check out my friend Stormy Bella and twilightgurl22's stories. They are great and are my personal faves. Please review. I really enjoy reading them and remember, if you leave reviews you may get a tidbit of info about the coming chapters and such, especially if you say something that has thought to it. :)

The Three Amigos – You are the best people ever. I love you dearly and again, the heavens were smiling down on me when I found you guys. halojones here is another chapter for you. You should know that your reviews make me laugh and you put a lot of thought into them and that makes me want to get back to writing ASAP. Finally, to all you lovely people that review for me, you are pure angels and thank you for making my day and making a girl smile.

On with the story…

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Chapter 10 Snow Falling On Bella Song: Have You Ever? - Brandy

Reasoning: The lyrics speak for themselves. It's heartbreaking to have this happen to you too. I should know, I have lived this before.

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Chapter 10: Snow Falling On Bella

**January 2004**

Keeping my emotions in check has become a full time job for me especially since I have this urge to kiss him every time I see him which isn't necessarily the healthiest thing for me. My mind keeps jumping to conclusions that he would feel the same about me, but something in my heart told me that I was going to be crushed eventually. So, telling him wasn't on my list of high priorities, at least not at this point in time.

Basketball was still going on and that meant that I was constantly working for the team along with my normal school work. I never spoke about my realization of my feelings for Edward to anyone. I had thought about talking to Alice and Rosalie about it, but I finally decided against it. I knew how both of them could get when it came to my life and I didn't want them to try to play match maker with my life. It was something that I wasn't willing to start right now. I needed my friend more than I needed a boyfriend at the moment. Things were too complicated, especially with the secret I held.

Not long after getting back to school after the Christmas holiday, I started receiving letters from colleges and my choice of schools as endless. I was happy that I was going to have to pick a school and that so many wanted me to come there, but most of the ones that were of interest were not in Washington, so that would mean leaving Edward behind.

I knew Edward would never actually tell me not to go to a school because it was far away, but he never had to speak words to me. We could say everything we wanted to say without uttering a word to each other. So the idea that I wanted to leave Forks, and go away to school was something that worried me some. He would be able to read it off my face. He would know something is off and the idea of actually hurting him caused me physical pain.

Actually, he had noticed the change in my personality. It was becoming harder and harder to hide my feelings and with the thought of picking a college coming soon, I knew that I was going to have to do something about my feelings or I was going to emotionally explode sometime soon.

Sighing, I worked on a document for the guidance counselor on the word processor when Edward came into the office.

"Hey, Bells. Can we talk for a minute?"

Turning I looked over at Ms. Miller, the guidance counselor, and she smiled taking some papers with her and leaving us alone. Confusion flooded my thoughts. I had no idea to why Edward wanted to talk to me. I couldn't speak, so I just looked at him and prayed that he didn't ask me something that I wasn't willing to answer.

"Bella, what is going on with you? You have been acting weird and everyone is noticing it. Even Emmett when you come by the house. You aren't acting like yourself."

His eyes showed all the confusion that he was having at the moment. I was hoping that my eyes weren't telling him the same thing. I was more than confused but I couldn't actually verbally explain it to people.

"I'm fine. Just too many things going at once. Stressed out I guess."

"It's more than that, Bella. Talk to me." His voice was so firm when he spoke and it was more than a request, it was like he was demanding to know what I was thinking.

"Edward, you can't fix everything in my world. You know that we all have things that bother us and we don't want to talk about it. Remember, I don't get into your business when it comes to the women that you are screwing around with so leave this alone." I knew I sounded like a bitch, but I couldn't take a chance of him questioning me more.

Edward stood up and looked rather angry at me. I wasn't normally on the receiving end of these looks so it was odd seeing it.

"That is a low blow, especially for you Bella."

He opened and slammed the door before I could say a word. Internally, I was kicking myself. How could I be so cruel and stupid all at once? If you love someone, you don't go out and purposefully hurt them and I knew that my tone and my words cut him like daggers to the soul. He may never speak of his relationships with the women, but he kept them from me because he felt them to be personal and intimate.

To say I felt like a fool would be an understatement but there wasn't much I could do about it at the moment. I went back to working on the document for Ms. Miller and continued to think.

As I sat there at the computer, I wondered what he was thinking in concern to what I said and how and what I would have to do fix what I had done to him. Edward wasn't the typical man in many respects, but in some ways he was just like every stereotypical male. The idea that I made him mad or upset was gutting me from the inside out and that wasn't something I wanted to deal with. To love a man, and then turn around and hurt him or make him angry with you wasn't what you did.

When the bell rang for the day, I did the most cowardly thing I could think. I hid in the girls' restroom until I knew he was gone and went to my locker. I grabbed my stuff and slowly went out to the parking lot, looking to be sure Edward was nowhere to be seen. When I was saw that his car was no longer in the lot, I went out to my truck and went home.

I arrived home not long after three. No one was home so I had some peace and quiet for a little while. Crossing the living room to the kitchen I pulled down a glass and got some iced tea before I slouched down into one of the chairs at the table. Again, I found more letters from colleges and I just sighed at the sight of them. They were going to cause me more problems that you could imagine.

I heard my front door open and close. Guessing it was either Charlie or Renee, I never moved from my spot.

"What did you say to my brother?"

I turned to see Alice's blue eyes boring into my soul. She wasn't angry, that much I was sure of, but I could tell that something was really wrong. I just turned my attention back to the letters that were causing my grief.

"Nothing," I mumbled. I didn't want to talk about everything, especially with Alice.

She came over and sat down in front of me and stared at me. I ducked my eyes down in hopes of avoiding whatever she had planned. That was when she picked up the envelopes from the table and began to read off names of the many universities that I applied for.

"Bella, I didn't know you applied to all these schools. Edward told me that you applied the community college and the University of Washington." Her voice rang with surprise.

"It's because Edward doesn't know." This secret I could tell Alice. The main secret I had to keep buried deep inside.

When I looked up to study Alice's face, I saw confusion, frustration, and most of all, sadness.

"Why haven't you told him? I know he does know about some of the other schools you have applied to." She asked.

"Because."

"That's not really an answer Bella? What is going on?"

I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her that Forks wasn't enough for me anymore and that I was head over heels in love with her brother and wanted nothing more than to be with him, but that was unrealistic.

"Edward wants me to stay here and go to school. I don't want him knowing that I want to go away to college. Kat wants me to go home and go to college at the same school she goes to."

Alice picked up the envelopes and saw the variety of schools that I had applied to and she turned to look at me.

"Bella, it doesn't matter what my brother wants. This is your life. He will just have to deal with the choices you make. No matter if he likes it, you know he will still always care about you."

How could she be so sure of herself and how her brother would react? I was his best friend, and I didn't know how he was going to feel if I told him that I wanted the chance to go back to the place that I still call home, at least for a while.

"It's more than that though, Alice. So much more." Sighing I stood and headed for the stairs. I had a ballgame to get ready for.

I was pulling off my shirt and pulling on my polo and khakis when she came into the room.

"Bella, talk to me. What is going on? This is more than just school bothering you. It's like you have done a complete three sixty."

I couldn't speak, so I remained facing the window to my room. I heard the floors squeak as she walked across the floor and it was when I felt her hand touch my shoulder that I felt the tears begin to form in my eyes.

I turned around and Alice reached up and wiped away my tears.

I finally pushed Alice away from me to wipe my eyes and nose, and it was then that I felt the sniffles come.

"What is making you cry, Bella?"

"It's nothing." I lied.

"I am going to bet it has something to do with my brother, am I right?"

I couldn't bring my eyes to meet hers. I kept staring at the floor.

"What did he do? You know I might be little, but you know dynamite comes in small packages." Her voice was trying to sound menacing but I knew Alice couldn't be that way if she wanted to.

"He didn't necessarily do anything. Just leave it alone." I went and pulled my brush out and started to brush out my hair and swept it up into a ponytail.

"Bella, you know me better than that. Tell me, I will not let up until you do."

This was a fact. Alice was persistent.

Sighing in defeat, I looked over at her to see her watching my every move.

"I realized about a month ago that I…" I ran the last part together as quick as possible, in hopes that she wouldn't hear me, "am in love with your brother."

The next thing I knew was that I heard a squeal and her latching around my waist.

"Oh, Bella, this is great. We are actually going to be sisters. I am just going to have to make sure Edward doesn't screw this up…"

"NO! Edward isn't going to find out. This is why I hadn't told you this. I don't want anyone to know, I want everything to say as they are right now. So please don't tell him."

Alice's expression was indescribable. Her eyes looked like they were glassed over with thought and then the sparkle returned slowly, meaning that she had some plan or idea to do something.

"No, Alice. Whatever you are thinking, it isn't going to work and you are not getting involved."

"You're no fun," she grumbled as she threw herself down on my bed. "Bella, you have to tell Edward. He has the right to know and make the choice for himself."

I knew she was right, though I couldn't bring myself to admit that though. The whole idea of telling Edward that I was in love with him was just too much for me to handle. I threw myself into my desk chair and stared at her for a moment.

"Bella, the worse thing he can say is that he doesn't love you, but you should know that he cares about you too much, even though he can't describe it or explain it to anyone, especially himself."

Sighing, I turned the photos that sat around on my desk of both of us and I did know that Edward cared deeply for me or he wouldn't have told Lauren to take a hike or anything like that.

"Thanks for talking to me Alice. I think I need some time to think though."

She stood and came over and gave me a slight hug and left me alone. I stared out the window watching the winter winds blow across the yard. The skies cried out that snow was coming.

It was then something inside me snapped and I stood, grabbing all my stuff, and jumping into my truck that I started to drive toward the Cullen house. I don't know what got into me, but I had to tell him. I couldn't live with the feelings bottled up inside any longer.

I watched all the fallen leaves from the past year swirl around and the wind blew in an icy breeze from the north. It was freezing and it was only a matter of time before it started to snow. As I turned up the drive I knew I was becoming the chicken that I have been for the past month or so, but I knew I had to tell him.

As I slipped the truck into park, I noticed the lights to the garage were on by looking under the bottom of the doors. I practically ran over there. I had to hurry. The ballgame was only an hour or so away, so I had to be able to get back to Forks in time.

Pushing the door open, I saw him leaning over the engine of his off-road truck. His expression was radiating uncertainty.

"I'm sorry for being a bitch earlier." Apologizing was a jumping off point.

"I just wish you would talk to me, Jingle Bells. I'm worried about you." His voice was so calm and he seemed to be at peace with everything.

The feeling of dread was slowly creeping back and I knew I had to tell him. It was now or never.

"Edward, I need to talk to you about something." My voice was shaky and I was even stuttering a little.

He put down his tools and he went over to his stool that he had near his work bench. I sat down on some crates that he had stacked not far from him. His eyes showed that his attention was completely on me for the moment.

I thought for a moment. _How do I start this? Do I just blurt it out and see how things turn out or is there some way that I can do this that won't make me sound insane._

"When we went to Waltonville to the basketball game, Shelly told me that Rick Jordan likes me and wants to date me."

Edward's expression changed some, at one point I could have seen rage flicker there.

I then continued, "I was a little freaked out and like normal I started to over think everything."

"That isn't anything new, Bells." He chuckled. He was laughing now, but what would he be doing after I told him.

Taking a deep breath, I thought for a moment. This was the moment of truth, the moment that I have feared for months, and now it was going to come to a head and I was going to lay it all on the line, my heart on my sleeve.

"I thought something, Edward. I thought that it shouldn't matter because I was… in love with you."

The words sounded strange coming out of my mouth. I couldn't bring my eyes to look at him. I was too terrified. When I did, I couldn't explain what I saw.

He looked indifferent. It was clear that his mind was going ninety to nothing, but his expression didn't show it. His eyes finally came to meet mine and his words shouldn't have shocked me, but they still hurt.

"Bella… you know I love you, but I'm not in love with you. When I have said that you aren't my type, it's because you are my friend. I couldn't ever think of you as anything else. You are a sweet girl, and guys like me hurt girls like you. I would never want to take a chance that I would hurt you because I would lose you. You are the best friend I could ever ask for, and please don't be hurt by this. I never want you to hurt…"

I couldn't think clearly now. I knew what I had heard, and it was exactly what I expected. He was rejecting me. He didn't return the feelings. He wasn't in love with me, and I felt like a complete fool by spilling my guts to him. It was then that I felt the tears beginning to burn my eyes.

"I have to go, Edward. I have to get to the ballgame." I yelled as I turned and ran for the door. I wasn't going to let him watch me cry or try to comfort me. Pity me. I couldn't handle that.

As I pushed the doors open, the snow had begun to fall. The flakes were huge and it had even started to accumulate on the ground.

"Bella… wait. Don't leave." Edward yelled from behind me.

I was in my truck and had it in reverse before he could reach me. I saw his eyes, and they were shining that they were worried about me, but I didn't care at the moment. I didn't want his worry. I needed to be alone for a while.

As soon as he was out of my sight, the tears began to tumble down and stream down my face. Sadness wasn't even close to how I felt in that moment. I was shattered and completely heartbroken. The whole thing was stupid and I knew it. Why would a guy like Edward love a girl like me? They don't and I knew it when I went in there to tell him.

The flakes were falling faster and it was getting hard to see, especially when you are trying to see while you are crying. The wipers were going at full speed and the tears were doing the same thing, falling like crazy. The more I wanted the tears to stop, the more they came. The feeling that shook my body and soul was the worse feeling that I could ever experience. I had made a fool out of myself to the one person that was the very center of my universe, my soul mate.

I finally arrived at the school and parked. It was then that laid my head down against the steering wheel and cried without any fear of anyone caring or seeing me and especially no fear of wrecking while I drove. The tears were full of every emotion a person could fathom. Anger, sadness, hurt, hopelessness, and the list went on and on. The main thought and question was if I ruined my friendship with my best friend because I told him that. Fear of losing my best friend shook me to the very core of my soul. I needed my friend more than a soul mate, but would he still be there?

In that second, I made a choice. My friend was way too important. So the feelings I had for him, the love that radiated throughout my being, was going to have to remain sealed deep within my heart. I was going to have to be his friend, if he still wanted me. I would never bring it up again and maybe he would act as if I never said anything.

It was then that I realized that the team was arriving and that I needed to get ready for the game. I wiped my eyes and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked horrible, but what did I expect, I had cried from the time I left Edward's until this point. I pulled out a tissue and blew my nose and wiped at my eyes again. My skin was splotchy so I grabbed some of the make-up that Alice made me carry in my truck. I pulled it out and started to put some on in hopes of covering the redness that covered my face.

When I finally looked half-way presentable, I climbed out of the truck and began to walk toward the school. The snow was still falling down on me. I turned my face to the sky and let the snowflakes fall down on my face and make my skin cold and numb. That was what I wanted to feel, numb. It was then that I thought about what my mother had said about rain. _Rain is the tears of a higher power, Bella. You see them when this being is sad._ I looked up to think that the force was sad, but it was just too cold and its tears came down in fluffs of frozen water.

I turned toward the gym and walked slowly, allowing the cold to blanket me. After I entered the gym, I tried to push Edward's words from my memory, but he haunted my every move.

The game went on and while it was I realized that I couldn't have him even though my heart ached for him. I just wanted the friend and craved the friend, and if that was what I would get from him, I would deal with it. I needed him in my life, no matter the capacity. So in that moment, I pushed away the love, and craved the friend, for that was all I was meant for. Nothing more. Just the best friend…

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Many people have asked me when we are going to hear from Edward's POV again. Next chapter is going to be that. We are going to find out what is going on now that he knows that Bella is in love with him... and Alice's reaction to what he as done.


	12. Chapter 11: Internal Conflict

Here is the chapter many people have been wondering about. Edward's POV. He is a very interesting person, or at least my version of him is, at least I think so. :)

This chapter was a challenge in its own aspects so I hope you enjoy it. Please review and tell me what you think. The last chapter has had the most reviews so far and I hope to hear from even more of you and ones that I have heard from already.

The normal stuff: Twilight and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. (I bow to you, Ms. Meyer. You are just too talented.) Support the stories and authors that are on my fave list. Very talented authors and very good stories.

To the Three Amigos, love you my sweet friend. I know my buddy, Sweet Pea, is out of the country at the moment, but I will not be forgetting you while you are gone. halojones, a new chapter since you were such a sweet heart to come home from your vacation and read my chapter first thing when you got home before your unpacked or anything. You are a doll. To my fellow readers and reviewers, you need some love too, so I give it to you.

Now, on with the story...

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Chapter 11 Internal Conflict song: Pickin' Wildflowers – Keith Anderson

Reasoning: I was a little distressed writing this chapter, so I needed something to keep me up beat. This song is good for a pick me up. Good beat and very cute lyrics if you are a country girl like me. My personal favorite part of the song is the first verse of the song before the chorus. I find them cute and funny.

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Chapter 11: Internal Conflict

My world appears normal, but it has been far from it. I was constantly feeling like Bella was hiding something from me, which was something that normally didn't happen. Since well before Christmas, she was very quiet and when I would look up to meet her eyes, she seemed far away and distant. I couldn't understand it. She never held onto stuff like that for long. We would always talk about everything, well with the exception of my random list of women. She knew about the list, but I never mentioned any names, I just didn't want her to know about some things.

I never saw her, it was like she was hiding from me all the time. She never spent the lunch hour with the group anymore. She would hide in the library and type constantly or work on the projects that she had for her college classes. Most of all, I missed her. I couldn't explain it, but it was like part of me had gone missing and that I was going to hurt and hurt until she came back into my personal orbit. Her eyes would shift to the floor when I passed her in the hallway too.

Finally, January had come around and it was clear that I wasn't going to get any answers unless I cornered her somewhere. I looked up at the clock and seen that it was the time of day that she was working for the guidance councilor. I raised my hand and asked for a pass to talk to Ms. Miller. I knew she would leave if I asked to talk to Bella.

I threw my book in my locker before I headed toward Ms. Miller's office. I looked in the window of the door and I saw her sitting there typing away at something. Knocking, I pushed the door open to meet Bella's eyes. It was almost as if she was terrified when I walked into the room.

"Hey, Bells. Can we talk for a minute?" I asked. I was nervous. I was worried that she would send me away and that she wouldn't speak.

She turned to Ms. Miller and she picked up some documents and left the room. My eyes traveled back to Bella as she watched the woman leave and again, the feeling that she was afraid flooded the surroundings of the small office. I sat down in Ms. Miller's chair and swirled it around to face her.

She wasn't going to speak first, so I decided it would be best for me to start the conversation.

"Bella, what is going on with you? You have been acting weird and everyone is noticing it. Even Emmett when you come by the house. You aren't acting like yourself."

I knew I had to look confused, but her expression was causing most of it. She looked almost like a deer in headlights. For a moment, she would open her mouth and no words or sounds would come out.

"I'm fine. Just too many things going at once. Stressed out I guess." Her voice was shaky and it was clear that she wanted to avoid the issue.

"It's more than that, Bella. Talk to me."

"Edward, you can't fix everything in my world. You know that we all have things that bother us and we don't want to talk about it. Remember, I don't get into your business when it comes to the women that you are screwing around with so leave this alone." Her voice was full of venom, and that was very unlike Bella.

I stood up and I wanted nothing more than to start yelling at her and tell her exactly what I was thinking in that moment, but I decided against it.

"That is a low blow, especially for you Bella."

I slammed the door as I went out of the office. I couldn't believe that she said that to me. She never threw my personal life in my face and now she does. What the hell is going on with her?

I decided that I didn't feel like going back to class so I went out, got in 'Christine' and left. I slipped onto one of the many back roads and headed toward the house. I swung past many of the parking spots that I would take women that I liked to, and when I seen them it made me even more furious that Bella would use that against me.

Bella never did that kind of stuff. Lauren and Jessica, yes, but not Bella. Something had to be really going on in her life for her to do that.

When I finally got home, I slammed the car into park and stormed into the house. I passed everyone in the living room and stomped up the stairs. I pulled my door open and slammed it behind me. I went to my stereo and turned it to some radio station and cranked it up really loud. I then threw myself on my bed and pushed my face into the pillow.

I wanted to push Bella's words from my mind, but they hurt. If anyone else would have said them to me, I would have just blown them off and never thought about them again, but since they came from Bella, they cut me deeply.

"What the hell is your problem?"

I hadn't heard the door open, but there stood my pixie sister, her hands on her hips.

"Buzz off, Alice. I don't have the time or patience to deal with you right now." I rolled back over into my pillow.

She then grabbed my leg and yanked me into the floor and I landed there with a small crash.

"Alice, leave me the hell alone." I had this feeling my eyes looked like they were bugging out of my head.

"I will when you tell me what is going on with you? Did you have a fight with Bella or something?"

"I don't want to talk about her. Get out." I knew it wouldn't matter, Alice would stay right there until she found out what she wanted to know.

"I am going to guess by that response that Bella is the issue. I wish you could just get over your emotional crap so you can realize that you love her."

"I don't love her like that Alice!"

"Whatever, you know and I know you are lying through your teeth. I just wish you would get a dang clue."

She couldn't get it. I care about Bella, but not like that. She is my friend, nothing else. I could never have her like that. She would never be my girlfriend, my lover… _my lover?_ No… stop it, Edward. Bella is the girl that knows way too much about you and you would have to kill to keep her quiet if you ever stopped being friends.

"Alice, she is my friend, just like you and her are friends. Stop pushing something that isn't there," I said.

"Poor, Edward. You just can't see it. You have always thought of her as so much more than a friend, but you just can't seem to wrap your pea brain around it. I hope you aren't too late one day."

She turned and pulled the door closed behind her. I was getting that same response from everyone. Too late, huh? I would never be too late because I didn't feel that way about her, and I knew she didn't feel the same way about me. That would be insane. The class geek and the class bad ass, together?

I rolled over on my bed, and pulled my pillow to me. I wasn't tired, but I felt myself dozing off…

_I was pulling cables out of the off road truck. Most of them were burnt in two and I was going to have to replace them. The radio was blaring and I didn't hear the side door to the garage open._

"_Edward…_

_I lifted my head to see Bella standing there, but she didn't look like the Bella I knew. She was dressed in a very revealing red halter top and a short black leather skirt. I couldn't help but examine her. The fabric hung to her in all the right places and as my eyes moved down her body, I noticed the high black leather boots she was wearing. _

_She began to walk toward me, slowly and seductively. I felt my muscles tense as I saw this woman walking toward me… she was too sexy for her own good._

"_Bella, what are you doing?"_

"_What I have always wanted to do…"_

_Her lips crashed into mine. I was in shock at first, but the soft movements of her lips against mine, made me see her in a completely new light. What surprised me the most was how my body was reacting to hers. My lips took on a life of their own. I could feel her tongue tracing my lips, begging for entrance. I gasped, and it was then that both of our mouths were moving in perfect harmony._

_Her arms wrapped around me, and it was then that I heard he moan my name…_

I jerked up in that moment. I reached up and touched my hand to my lips. It was only a dream. A very realistic dream from what I could tell, since my body was definitely reacting like it was the real deal.

I rubbed my eyes for a moment and tried to push those images from my mind. I didn't want Bella that way. Alice just planted the idea in my head, and as soon as I fall asleep I dream about her, but the thought of Bella's lips on mine wasn't the most horrible thing imaginable. Stop it, Edward. Bella is your friend… your best friend at that. You can't have thought about her like that.

I got up and went downstairs to see Emmett and Rosalie making out on the couch, so I quickly left the room. I went to the kitchen and grabbed me a Coke, and went out the back door toward the garage.

_Yeah, Edward. Let's go to the place that had been the setting for that hot dream you had about your best friend. Real great idea._

I went inside and turned on the radio. I pulled out my CDs and put in my favorite mix CD that had some Aerosmith, Bob Segar, and some Lynard Skynard on it. Then I popped the hood of my off road truck and started to look over some of the stuff that I needed to fix. Grabbing my wrench from the bench, I started to take parts of the engine apart. I was going to have to redo the whole thing, especially if it was going to have the necessary horse power that I wanted.

I worked for what felt like hours. My muscles in my back were pulling, and it was getting cooler in there. I was going to have to get the heater out for me to work out here soon. I leaned back into the truck and started pulling cables out. I don't know why but I lifted my head to see Bella standing just inside the door, dressed to go to the ballgame tonight at the high school.

She might not have a sexy halter top or leather skirt on, but she did have a very distinct beauty. Her eyes were so soft and loving, she was going to make some guy very lucky one day.

"I'm sorry for being a bitch earlier." Her voice was very shaky. What could be bothering her so much to make her sound like that?

"I just wish you would talk to me, Jingle Bells. I'm worried about you."

Her eyes shined with something foreign to me. Was it fear? Why would she be afraid to tell me anything? We tell each other everything.

"Edward, I need to talk to you about something." Her voice cracked as she spoke. I was really scared now, though I never would let her know it.

I walked over to my work bench, and placed the tools on top and sat down on one of my stools. When I looked at her she was moving to the crates that I had stacked up not far from where I was sitting. I watched her carefully, I wanted to hear what she had to tell me. Especially, since she hadn't been talking to me in a while.

"When we went to Waltonville to the basketball game, Shelly told me that Rick Jordan likes me and wants to date me."

I didn't know what to think about that. Rick was a dweeb. He wasn't Bella's type. He wasn't worthy of her. I felt my rage boiling up at hearing that. _Why was I getting so angry about some guy liking Bella?_ I then looked at her, I knew there was more to what she needed to say so I turned my thoughts back to her.

"I was a little freaked out and like normal I started to over think everything."

I couldn't help but laugh. "That isn't anything new, Bells."

She looked down and she was fidgeting with her hands. She was really nervous. She didn't do that unless something was really bothering her or scared her.

"I thought something, Edward. I thought that it shouldn't matter because I was… in love with you."

The words came out of her mouth, and my mind started to run ninety to nothing. She was in love with me… Edward Cullen. Bella Swan was in love with me. I didn't know what to think. I had to think fast though. I knew Bella would want an answer or response to what she said.

The idea that Bella could actually love me was too much. How could a woman so perfect be in love with me? We were night and day to each other, and she deserved so much more than I could ever offer her. She was too good for me, and then I remembered how good of friends we were. She was my best friend. She was the person that I trusted more than most members of my own family and even more than Jasper, who was one of my closest friends. I loved her, but I wasn't in love with her. Heaven help me. This is the worst moment of my entire life.

I opened my mouth to say the toughest thing I have ever said to her…

"Bella… you know I love you, but I'm not in love with you. When I have said that you aren't my type, it's because you are my friend. I couldn't ever think of you as anything else. You are a sweet girl, and guys like me hurt girls like you. I would never want to take a chance that I would hurt you because I would lose you. You are the best friend I could ever ask for, and please don't be hurt by this. I never want you to hurt…"

It was when I saw the tears forming in her eyes that my thoughts changed. I wanted to take her in my arms and comfort her. I wanted to be the force that would keep her safe from all the bad things in the world. In that moment, I could have told her that I loved her.

"I have to go, Edward. I have to get to the ballgame." Her voice cracked as she was backing away from me and she turned and ran out of the garage.

As soon as she took off, I was running after her. The heavens had opened up and snow was falling down slowly and it was hard to keep up with her.

"Bella… wait. Don't leave." I yelled, hoping that she would stop. I needed her to stop.

Before I could actually get to her, she had her truck in reverse and was backing away from me. My eyes had to show her how worried I was about her. As I watched her drive away from me, I felt my legs fall out from underneath me.

I sat there in the snow for quiet awhile. I couldn't move. I couldn't think. I couldn't do anything. I just told the one person that means more to me than my own flesh in blood that I wasn't in love with her and now I felt like a hole had been gashed in my very soul.

_Was I in love with Bella? _The idea was foreign to me. I couldn't be. Bella was my childhood friend. She was "one of the guys" to me. I couldn't fall in love with her. It would be like me falling in love with Jasper Hale.

It was in that moment, Alice was pulling back into the driveway and I had to stand up from where I had fallen a while back. When she climbed out of her car, her eyes were studying me.

"What's wrong?" Her voice rang with concern and lots of confusion.

"Nothing." I lied.

"Edward, you have about two seconds to spill or I am going to get Emmett and have him knock the living crap out of you."

"Bella came by to see me," I sighed.

Her eyes were studying mine. She was trying to pick the answers up from my expressions.

"Okay, Bella came over… what about it?"

"She came to tell me something, Alice."

Her eyes went wide with shock. I didn't know why she seemed like she had an idea about what I was about to say to her.

"Alice, Bella told me that she was in love with me tonight."

Then I felt Alice wrap her arms around me and I heard her squeal. I could have sworn that she was going to squeeze me to death.

"Edward, that's great. I didn't think she was going to get enough courage to tell you. I knew that this was going to work out in the end, but no, Bella didn't want to believe me."

I pushed Alice away from me and just stared at her.

"You knew about this?"

"I just found out about it tonight. Why are you acting like this? You should be happy." Her voice had an odd tone now.

"Alice, I'm not in love with Bella. I love her yes, but I'm not in love with her."

Her eyes turned to fire in a split second.

"Do not tell me that you told her that? Edward, please, tell me that you were not that cruel to her."

I looked down at the snow that had already fallen to the ground. I couldn't bring myself to look at her.

"OH MY GOD! EDWARD WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? BELLA IS THE BEST PERSON YOU KNOW AND YOU TELL HER THAT YOU DON'T LOVE HER AFTER SHE TELLS YOU THAT SHE IS IN LOVE WITH YOU. YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE JERK."

I had never been on the receiving end of one of Alice's rampages, but I knew that it was far from being over. The thing she didn't know was that it was killing me to hurt Bella. I never wanted to hurt her. She was the only woman that I had known that I knew I wanted to protect always.

"ALRIGHT!" I screamed. Alice stopped to look at me. "I know I am a complete ass. I hurt the one person that probably means more to me than anyone in this world. I feel bad enough on my own, Alice, so shut up and leave me alone."

I took off walking toward the back of the house, leaving Alice standing in the falling snow. I kept walking until I reached the stream that was located behind the house, it was covered in ice. I sat down in the snow and watched the snow settling on the ice covered water.

Up to this point, I thought of myself as a somewhat good guy. I told women that I was with that I never wanted to be anything more than casual and everything. Now, I saw myself in a different light. I was kinder to complete strangers than I was to my best friend. I wasn't in love with Bella, but I could have been nicer to her about it. I tried so hard not to hurt her, and I did anyway. Some best friend, I turned out to be.

I was going to have to talk to her. I had to explain myself. I had to make her listen to me. I couldn't lose her. She was my rock in my insane world. She would always say that she needed me more, but it wasn't ever true. I needed her more than anything. The thought of her not being there hurt. I had to fix it. I just had to.


	13. Chapter 12: Returning To Normal

I know I talked to some people and I promised tonight... well its a little after two in the morning here so its still night. lol

Anyway... thank you so much for the kind reviews and such. They made me smile. Keep them coming. Honestly, this story has got the best repsonse so far.

The Normal Ramblings: The Twilight series and its characters belong to Ms. Stephenie Meyer. Please review, I love reading them and I am good about responding to them and you never know I might give you a tidbit of info about upcoming chapters. Support the stories and authors that are on my favorite lists. They are all very good stories and the authors are really talented.

To the Three Amigos (You should know who you are) I love you guys, and I already miss Sweet Pea, since she is out on vacation. :(  
To halojones, here is my usual trade for you my friend, enjoy.

I would like to dedicate this chapter to edwardandbellabelong2gether. Thanks for the song and I really did like it. You were right, it did fit with the prologue.

Now, on with the story...

* * *

Chapter 12 Returning To Normal Song: I Try – Macy Gray

Reasoning: This song relates so well how Bella feels when she thinks about Edward… smiles being a front, dreaming about him, etc. Not all the parts fit, but they fit very closely.

* * *

Chapter 12: Returning To Normal

The ballgame was completely uneventful, and honestly I was happy for the calm. I had way too many things going on in my head and all of them were all about Edward. Actually I was kicking myself for even telling him that I was in love with him. _Why did I let Alice talk me into that? I know she meant well, but I knew better._

When the game was over, I had to help put the equipment away in the storage room of the gym and then I was finally ready to leave for home. Coming out of the gym, I noticed that the snow hadn't let up yet and it was coming down in massive flakes. Crossing the parking lot, I pulled out my keys and unlocked the door, and as soon as I opened the door a huge clump of snow to fell into my seat. _Just my luck. I get my heart stomped on and I get to ride home with a wet butt._

After dusting it out of the truck and using my window scrapper to clean off the windshield, I got in the truck and turned on the defrosters and heat. My whole body hurt. Who knew that sobbing hysterically would wear a person out. After the truck got warm enough I could stand it, I slowly slipped the truck into reverse and went toward home.

I knew I had to look horrible. My eyes had to be completely blood shot after all the tears that I had shed, but I was just going to hide out in my room for the rest of the night so it really didn't matter. I knew it was childish, but I needed it for tonight at least.

As I drove, my radio was silent, and that was something for me. I loved the sound of music when I drove, but the music would just give me reminders of how big of an idiot I was. I might realize that I only thing I could have with Edward was friendship, but that didn't take away all the hurt that I have from loving him. Music just had a way of drawing up those loving feelings.

It took me a little longer to get home because of the falling snow, but I was just happy to see my house when I pulled into the driveway. When I did reach the front door, I opened it carefully, and wanted to get behind my mom before she would look at me and notice that I had been crying.

I was almost to the steps when she finally spoke to me.

"Hey, baby. Good ball game?"

"Yeah, Mom. We won." I was hoping that my voice didn't sound as horrible as I felt on the inside at the moment.

I took off up the stairs before she could ask me anything else. I closed the door behind me and leaned back against the door, allowing myself to slowly slide down until I was sitting on the floor. The room was in complete darkness, but it was best for me at that very moment. I needed the darkness, especially since I felt so miserable and sad. Plus my eyes needed a break from all the light.

Really, I didn't know how long I sat like that, but I finally stood and turned on the lights. I was just too tired and cranky to deal with the world at the moment, so I just pulled off my clothes and slipped into a tank top and pair of shorts. After turning on my lamp, I turned the overhead light off and crawled into my bed. I looked over to see my phone flashing at me. I picked it up to see Edward's name flashing on the caller ID. I just put it back down and rolled over in bed.

After a few hours I rolled over again and finally picked up the phone and looked to see that Edward had called me constantly for an hour before he gave up. It was then that I noticed I had two voice mails. I then called my voice mail, entered my password, and it was when I heard the voice on the phone that I felt the tears start again.

_Bella… please talk to me. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't want you to leave before we could talk… please call me. We really need to talk. _

The tears were streaming down my face and I had to wipe them away before I pushed the button to delete the message. Then the next voice that I heard didn't cut me like the voice of Edward did.

_Bella, its Alice. I know what my brother did to you. I'm so sorry, if I knew he would have been a complete ass to you I wouldn't have encouraged you to tell him. I love you and I'll talk to you tomorrow. Bye._

I put my phone back over on the table and rolled over onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. The whole time I was replaying that moment in my head. The look he gave me… I couldn't describe it. Was it disgust? I really was a fool to even think there was a chance that he could actually love me.

Sighing, I rolled over again and pulled my pillow up close to me along with my quilt. I could still feel the tears trickling from my eyes and it was making my pillow very wet. About an hour or so later, I finally slipped to sleep, but was filled with nightmares about the man that I knew in my heart was the only one for me…

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

I woke up to my room being really bright. I crawled out of bed to look out the window, to see the ground was covered with the fallen snow. There wouldn't have been anything better than to crawl back in bed and forget about the day, but likely I would have school.

It was when Renee came into the room, that my day seemed a little more hopeful.

"I just saw on the TV, no school today. The back roads are too dangerous for people to get through."

_God, thank you for having mercy on me today._

"I think I'm going to go back to sleep for a while then."

"Alright, I'll come up and check on you later." She shut the door as she went out, leaving me to the silence of my room.

Crawling back into my bed, I looked to see my phone was flashing again. Picking it up I saw 'Alice' appear on the screen.

I flipped the phone open. "Hello, Alice."

"_**Hey, Bella. I'm so sorry about yesterday. How are you feeling?"**_

"I've felt better to be completely honest."

"_**I shouldn't have pushed you to do that, Bells. I can't believe Edward did that to you."**_

Sighing I rolled over on my bed and looked out the bright window. This wasn't really helping me.

"_**Bella, you still there?"**_

"Yeah. I'm just tired." Mostly I didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to lay here in silence and try to figure out how I was going to deal with this in the end.

"_**I guess I'll talk to you later then. Get some rest and call me later. Love ya. Talk to you soon."**_

"Bye, Alice." I flipped the phone shut and set it back down on the table.

Settling myself into the bed again, I pulled my pillow to me and fell asleep again…

The crash from downstairs is what woke me up, causing me to roll out and crash to the floor. After rubbing my aching muscles, I stood up and went downstairs to see what the commotion was.

When I got down there, there stood Edward in all his normal godly glory. I turned around and ran back up the stairs and slammed the door behind me. I never lock my door, but as soon as I got in the room, I clicked the lock to prevent him from entering.

I heard him running up the stairs and I could tell that he was standing outside my door before I could even get over to the bed.

"Bella, open up." He yelled from the other side of the door.

"Go home, Edward." I yelled from where I was standing.

"I'm not leaving until we talk." I could tell he was leaning up against the door, waiting me out.

"There's nothing to say, Edward. I know you don't feel the same way."

"Bella, talk to me. Please." His voice sounded completely exasperated. "I need to explain some things to you. I want you to understand my thoughts. Please, Jingle Bells."

His voice sounded like he was in so much pain. I wanted to open the door for him, but my head kept telling me no. My heart was screaming yes. _What else can he say to hurt you worse? He has already told you that he doesn't love you._

"Give me a minute. I need to put on some clothes, Edward."

I heard him sigh and step away from the door. The thought of him being in my room, wasn't something I wanted so I decided it would be better to go downstairs when I finally got dressed. Pulling on a pair of cotton pants and a t-shirt, I went to the door and pulled it open to meet the eyes of the man that would always hold my heart.

"Bella…"

"You want to talk, but we aren't talking here. Let's go downstairs to the kitchen."

He backed up and let me pass him. As I walked down the stairs, I could hear his steps that were following closely behind me. The whole time I was descending the stairs, I was trying to figure out how I was going to deal with Edward. This was really going to be a challenge.

I was thinking ninety to nothing, and it was in those quick moments, that I decided that I wanted to hear what he had to say, and then I would tell him whatever he wanted to hear. I just wanted to put our friendship back together and try to act like I never said anything. Even though I wanted him so badly, I need my friend more.

When we got to the kitchen I realized that my mom was no where to be found. I looked around and I guess it was obvious to Edward that I was looking for her.

"Your mom left a few seconds after I knocked over the lamp in the living room. She actually told me to tell you that she will be back later."

I nodded and went to got me a glass of ice. Pulling out the pitcher of sweet tea, I poured me a glass and I noticed that Edward was watching my every move. Turning around I saw him leaning up against the door frame, just watching me. When he finally spoke, it actually surprised me.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I wasn't really clear about things, and I ended up really hurting you."

"Its okay, Edward." I wanted to sound okay, I hoped that I was sounding like I was okay, though I knew I was far from it.

I was studying his expressions and movements. They were so beautiful too. He finally sat down at the table and I slowly followed him, sitting across from him.

"No, Bella. It's not okay. I was thinking about it last night, and I realized that I've been nicer to complete strangers than I was to my best friend."

I kept watching his expressions change. He looked so sad. I wanted to reach over and touch him. I wanted nothing more than to comfort him. Seeing him like this, even if he didn't return my feelings, hurt my heart.

"Bella, when you told me that, I really didn't know what to think. To tell you that I was floored would be an understatement. To hear those words come from you, of all people, was a shock."

My eyes wouldn't stop watching him. I wanted to take as much of him in as I could, for I wouldn't have this chance again at least without him noticing it.

"I know I do love you Bells, but not as I would a girlfriend. You are my best friend and I don't think it would be a good idea for us to get into a relationship like that. Relationships come and go, but I don't want to take this chance of knowing that I had this great friendship and I lost it because we got into an actual relationship. Also, Bella, you are too good for me…"

"What makes you think that?" I interrupted. How does he know this?

"Bella, you are so sweet and kind, and at times I don't know how the hell you put up with me. We are so different from each other, but here we are all these years later, and we are just as good of friends now as we were then. I trust you more than I do my family or Jasper and Rosalie. I couldn't ever think of losing you."

He wanted the friend and here I craved the man, the good man that had the heart of solid gold. It was just frustrating to hear him talk about himself as if he wasn't a good person. Like him, I was worried too about losing the friend. I didn't know if I could stand the idea of actually losing him.

"Edward, its okay. I understand that you don't feel exactly the same way I do, and I promise that I will never mention it again. I would rather have you as my friend than not have you at all."

His expression was studying mine, and it trying to see if I was lying. Unlike him, I could lie. He couldn't. I could always read the lies right from his eyes.

"You shouldn't have to feel like that, Bella." His voice still filled with melancholy.

"Edward, I need you as my friend more than as a boyfriend," my voice cracked when I said the last word. "But know that no matter what, I will always be your friend."

I stood up and walked toward him and stood by his chair. He stood up right in front of me and he wrapped his arms around me. I couldn't help but want to cry again. I was shoving all my emotions, all my feelings, all my love for him down into the darkness of my soul. Being close like this was hard for me. I wanted to look up into his eyes and place gentle kisses on his lips and every inch of his face. I wanted him to want me as I wanted him, though I knew that would never come to pass.

"Please, Bella, don't you ever do this to me again. I was so scared that I had lost you."

His grip around my waist was not loosening, and for this moment, I didn't want it to. I needed this. In a way, it was my chance to say good bye to those loving feelings I had for him, and except my role in his life, as his best friend. He finally pulled away from me enough that he could look into my eyes. They were filled with sorrow though I couldn't understand exactly why they were so sad. _He was getting what he wanted, right?_

We talked for a few moments, and then he had to leave to go home to shovel sidewalks and parts of the driveway so everyone could get around without hurting themselves. I walked behind him when he was leaving and I stopped at the front door and talked to him while he was about to step down off the porch to the steps and on to his car.

"I guess I'll see you at school Monday, Bella?" He asked, though I don't know why he would ask such a question, I never missed school.

"Yeah. I'll see you then."

He waved and started off for his car. I watched him back it out and as he drove down the street. It was when he drove out of sight that the tears began to fall again. I felt my legs get weak and I collapsed onto the floor and sobbed. I knew what I had to do, but that didn't mean that it didn't kill me from the inside out. I wanted to be strong, and not cry, but my heart was shattered. Even when I put a strong face up, my heart cried. I had to be his friend. Nothing more.

_Oh, please give me the strength to get through this…. _

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**March 2004**

The world is somewhat back in its regular orbit. Only three people that know that I told Edward that I loved him and none will never speak of it again. It's just best for everyone, especially me, since I don't want to think about it too much.

So most of my days, I am a perfect actress. I act as if I am not in love with Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. I act as if nothing was ever said, and that nothing has changed in the least. However, when I sit around and talk with everyone, I still dwell on the love that I can't do anything with. I watch his emerald eyes sparkle with life and I would dream and wish that I could be the reason that his eyes sparkled so. I wanted to have the chance to make him happy, but he doesn't want that, so I give him what he wants. I give him my friendship.

Sighing, I spent my lunch trying to read this book for my college English class. I tried not to listen too much to the conversations that were going on around me. The more I put my mind into my school work, the less I thought about wanting Edward.

Most of all, I had made my choice to where I was planning on going to school. I needed this. It was my chance to do something with my life. However, I never spoke about it. I didn't want them to know. I knew Edward would try to talk me out of my choice. With the fact that my heart broke to be around him too much, maybe this was going to be my chance to get over him. I needed to, since it wasn't going to do me any good to dwell on something that will never change. Edward was never going to see me as nothing more than a friend.

My attention on my book was broken when I heard someone speak to me.

"Hey, Bella, you going with us this weekend?" Asked Rosalie.

"Where am I going?" I asked.

"Shopping with us, silly," responded Alice.

"I don't think so. Got too much to do." I just wasn't prepared to go shopping with them right now.

"Come on, Bells. We're going to look for our Prom dresses," exclaimed Alice.

_Prom? No. I don't think so._

"Sorry, I'm not going. I don't feel like standing around alone or having Mike constantly hitting on me or asking me to dance all night. I'm staying at home and watching a good movie."

"You aren't going alone." Rosalie said like she knew something I didn't.

"I think I know if I have a date for the Prom, Rose, and I don't have one."

"Actually, you do." I turned to look at Edward strangely. "I was supposed to talk to you about it this morning in biology."

This couldn't be happening to me. I just had this feeling that the universe just had to hate me at this very moment.

"Bella, would you be my date to the Prom?" He asked.

I don't think he knew how badly I wanted him to ask this question, but I had a feeling that Rosalie and Alice talked him into it. I just sat there and looked at him blankly for a while.

"Earth to Bella."

My mind snapped back into the present when I heard Alice speak to me again. I looked back to Edward and it appeared that he was still waiting for my answer.

"You don't have to go with me, Edward. You can find someone else. I don't need your pity."

"I would never pity you, Bella. There isn't a girl in this world that I would want to go with besides you." He smiled at me. How could I say no to that smile?

"If you want me to, I'll go with you," I said shyly.

Both Rosalie and Alice broke out into yells of triumph. I knew that I had just gotten myself into something that I would probably live to regret later on. Especially since it required a formal dress, high heals, and getting my hair and make-up done. The best part would be that I would spend the night with the one guy that haunted my dreams on one of the most important nights of a girl's life.


	14. Chapter 13: A Night To Remember

Greetings Everyone.

Here is the new chapter. I want you all to know that this chapter is the second to the longest chapter that I have ever written for a fan fiction story. There was just too much to say in this chapter. I had a lot of fun writing it too.

I would like to thank all the wonderful people that have left me reviews, you guys are the best and you mean a lot to me. So, please keep reviewing. They honestly make me giddy and inspire me to write quicker.

The Normal Ramblings: The Twilight series and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Check out and support the authors and the stories on my fave lists. Support my friends, Stormy Bella and twilightgurl22 too.

For this chapter I would like to give credit to the wonderful people that wrote the song, To Make You Feel My Love, and to the talented Garth Brooks who performed this version. I must say wow to you, and I give you credit for everything. This song was just perfect for the moment in this story. So no copyright infringement is intended.

To the Three Amigos (Currently Dos Amigos): I love you all very much and I miss you Sweet Pea, and I can't wait to hear what you have to say about the story when you get back from your vacation. halojones, my trade for you. I expect a really, really long chapter for trade this time. lol

I would like to take this time to dedicate this chapter to sanctuary-in-dreams and lia516. Thank you so much for your reviews and making them very thoughtful. I like to think and your reviews always make me think, especially when I take time to respond to your reviews. You are just too sweet.

Okay, I am done now. On with the story…

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Chapter 13 A Night To Remember Song: To Make You Feel My Love – Garth Brooks

Reasoning: Well, I used the song in the chapter. I recommend that you listen to the song while you listen to the chapter.

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Chapter 13: A Night To Remember

**April 2004**

Most people would wonder why Edward Cullen would ask me, Isabella Swan to the Prom. I was shocked when he did ask me, but I really shouldn't have been that shocked. Even if Alice or Rosalie asked him to ask me, I should have known that he would ask me anyway. There was a reason he would ask me. Though, nobody knew the reason, except us. The reason was a part of us, in our memories, in our friendship with each other. I tried not to think about it since he asked me, but today, the day that I was supposed to go dress shopping with Alice and Rosalie, I couldn't help it.

_I remember sitting around watching the seniors, trying to find Prom dates when we were freshmen. They were constantly asking random people to go. Even Edward got a few offers to go to the Prom._

"_They're crazy," muttered Edward from his seat on the bleachers. I was in my normal seat next to him._

"_It's kind of funny watching this ritual mating dance. I personally don't want to do it when we're seniors."_

"_I think we can remedy that, if you want," he said, a glimmer of mischief in his eyes._

"_And how do you plan on us doing that?" No telling what his response was going to be._

"_If we are not seeing anyone, I will ask you to the Prom."_

"_Come on, Edward. You are… well you. Girls throw themselves at you. You will be seeing someone by then." The idea that he wouldn't be dating anyone was crazy._

"_Jingle Bells, you have more faith in my looks than I do. This I promise you, if I am not dating anyone, you will be my Prom date. Plus, I think we would have more fun together than we would if we went with someone else." His voice was full of something, though at the time I didn't know what it was. Now I knew it was promise._

"_I doubt that day will come, Eddie, but alright…"_

The day came, he asked me, and now it was a totally different situation. The offer was purely innocent, and out of friendship, but now, I didn't know how well I would be able to act around him. My acting abilities were wearing thin and I wasn't really sure how things would turn out, especially since it was going to be a challenge to maintain my feelings in that setting.

I had spent many nights thinking about everything. My feelings for him, the Prom, graduation, and time that would come that I would have to say good-bye to my best friend, at least for a time, they all haunted my thoughts and dreams. Everything was too much for me. Too many secrets and feelings and they were causing me to become an emotional wreck.

Sitting at my desk, I was staring at the acceptance package from my chosen school and I had been working on getting the necessary things ready for my trip across country, which was really hard especially with Edward or someone else around all the time. My parents were the only people that knew that I was going to be leaving, I just couldn't bring myself to tell them, at least not yet.

My thoughts were brought back to the present when I heard my phone start to ring. Picking it up, I noticed the name 'Alice' flashing while her personal ring tone sang to me. I quickly flipped the phone open.

"Yes, Alice?"

"_You ready?"_ Her voice was chipper as usual.

"For?" I really didn't want to go shopping, so I was hoping that playing dumb would help me get out of it.

"_Shopping, Bella. We are supposed to meet Rose at the mall to shop for our prom dresses."_ She sounded a little annoyed, probably because I appeared to have forgotten our shopping trip.

"Oh…that. Alice, I don't really feel like going today."

"_Isabella Swan, you get your butt up and get downstairs right now, I will be there in less than five minutes!"_ The next thing I knew, the line went dead. This was going to be a long day.

Looking down at my clothes, I realized that I needed to grab something else to wear or Alice was going to flip out. Going to my closet, I pulled out a simple black tank top and a pair of cut off jeans. I pulled my hair up into a messy bun and slipped on my favorite pair of flip flops. As soon as I reached the bottom stair, Alice was walking in the front door.

She was studying my face as soon as she came in. For what, I had no idea, but I really didn't care at the moment either.

"Come on, we are already running late." She grabbed my hand, and started to drag me out the door.

"What about my mom, Alice?"

"I talked to her the other day, she knew I was coming today."

I couldn't help but sigh, when she pushed me into the passenger side of her car. Reaching over my shoulder, I grabbed my seatbelt and clicked it into place before Alice could even get the key in the ignition. The car rumbled to life and she was backing out of the drive.

We rode in silence until we reached the Forks 'city' limit and that was when Alice decided to start her list of questions.

"Why aren't you happy to be going to Prom with Edward?" Her voice seemed annoyed again.

"I don't know. Maybe it's because of a promise that we made to each other as freshman, not because he wants to go with me."

"Bella, he told me about that promise. He also told me that it wouldn't have mattered if he was dating anyone, he was going to go with you."

I looked over at Alice and I could see that it was true. Edward and Alice had always been close to each other and she would know if it was true or not.

"Why would he want to go with someone as plain as I am?"

"Bella, you may think that your love for Edward is one sided, but know this. My brother really does love you, even though he doesn't realize it. He's just bull-headed, you know that."

The bull-headed part was very true, but the fact he loved me as much as I did him was completely false. I heard what Edward had said to me. He loved me, but only as his friend. Sighing, I turned my attention to what we were passing as we drove by. I didn't want to think about it. I just wanted to make it through Prom, then graduation, and then I could worry about telling everyone my news about school.

We finally pulled into the parking lot of the mall and I could see Rose standing near the front doors waiting for us. As I climbed out of the car, I couldn't help but think about one thing in particular. I was going to go to the Prom with the man that I was in love with, even though his feelings weren't necessarily the same as mine. It's every little girl's dream to go to the prom with the man that they love. Maybe it would all turn out okay, I would at least get one happy memory with him.

As soon as we reached Rosalie, they both grabbed my arms and started to drag me into the mall. I was drug into numerous bridal shops that were located throughout the mall and I wasn't finding anything that I thought would suit me. Plus I didn't have a lot of money either, Renee had only given me a little money to shop with.

Both Rosalie and Alice found dresses quickly. They were determined to pick dresses that went along with the theme of prom. This year's theme was 'A Night To Remember.' From what we had heard, it was going to be very fancy and classy prom, one of the most expensive in the history of the school. So, both were going all out when picking out their dresses and in turn, meant that I would have to do the same thing. Both picked out very full dresses. When I saw them, both looked like they were princesses and they really could have been the models that walked the runway in those dresses.

Alice's dress was a brilliant lavender, and was very flattering against her fair skin. The bodice fit all her curves perfectly and the material shimmered as she walked in it. The layers of tulle encircled her small form, but she looked so very elegant. Very much like a fairy princess.

Rosalie on the other hand, still looked very much like a princess, but in a completely different way than Alice did. Her dress was a very shiny sliver strapless one. The scrunched material of the bottom and the neckline of the dress were very sexy, just like the woman wearing it.

After we had taken both of their dresses out to the cars, it was time to focus on my dress. I sat around on a bench while Rose and Alice picked through racks and racks of Prom dresses. I hated shopping more than anything and this whole experience was really a nightmare. Being surrounded by masses of puffy dresses wasn't what I considered to be fun.

It was when I looked up at the front window of the store, that I saw it. It wasn't anything really fancy, well at least I didn't think so. I walked toward the mannequin and began to examine the dress. It was a brilliant royal blue. The bodice was very stunning and it was covered in very simple beading. The bottom of the dress was very full and was very similar to that of the dress that Alice was going to wear.

"I think we have taught Bella something about taste, Rose." I turned to see both Alice and Rosalie standing behind me.

I stepped away from the dress and went back to sit on my bench. They both continued to look at the dress and then they would turn back to look at me. I just continued to stare at the floor. When I looked again, both were gone from the place that I had last seen them. I turned to see them talking to one of the clerks and they were both pointing at the mannequin and pointing to me. The clerk smiled and began to walk toward me, and she walked over and unzipped the dress and walked back to me and handed the dress to me.

"Go on, Bella. Try it on." Rosalie smiled as she spoke.

I walked with the dress to the dressing room and I pulled off my clothes and began to pull on the dress. I couldn't bring myself to actually look at myself as I put the dress on.

"Alice, could you help me," I called from the dressing room.

She slipped in and helped me zip up the back of the dress and she spun me around to look at the dress. I still didn't open my eyes, but by the squeal that came from Alice, it was either really good, or horrible.

The next thing I knew was I was being pulled from the dressing room out into the store. I heard Rosalie squeal as well and I couldn't take it anymore. I opened my eyes and looked down to see the material shimmering around my curves and I looked up into the mirror that was in front of me and I could see that it was definitely a dress that I could see myself in.

"Edward is going to love you in that dress," whispered Alice.

I turned around to see the Alice, Rosalie, and the clerk looking at me closely. I felt a blush surfacing across my skin.

"We'll take it." Rosalie's words were firm but her smile never wavered or left her face.

I went back into the dressing room and pulled the dress from my body and I handed it back to Rose before I put on my clothes. When I came out to pay for the dress, Rosalie and Alice were already standing by the door, dress in hand.

"I have to pay for the dress, Alice, they don't take kindly to stealing, you know?"

"Already taken care of," she said smiling.

"No, you aren't buying my Prom dress."

"Your mom told me to take care of it, and she's going to pay Mom later." Underhanded pixie.

Sighing, I followed them out of the store, following closely behind them. I could hear them chatting about stuff, but I really didn't care at all what they were talking about.

"Your mom said to use the money that you have on your shoes and your jewelry, Bella."

"Huh?" I had to sound really stupid when I said that.

Alice turned around to glare at me. She knew I hadn't been paying attention to a word that she had been saying.

"We are going shopping for shoes and jewelry. You have to get shoes and jewelry. Come on, Bella. Get excited. It's the Prom!" Alice was just too excited about this ritual rite of passage of high school life.

I continued to follow them and we ended up at a shoe store and we all ended up getting the same shoes. I thought they were cool, especially since they lit up when you walked. The next stop along the way was the jewelry counter. Alice and Rose told me that they already had stuff to wear with their dresses, but they knew I didn't.

I stood there while both of them chatted with the clerk and he showed them pieces that he though would look good on me. I didn't care at all. After what felt like hours, they selected the jewelry for me and I handed them the money to pay for it.

When we walked out of the mall, it was dark. I had spent my entire day inside that damn mall! After saying good-bye to Rosalie, Alice got in the car and headed back to Forks. I was silent. I didn't feel like talking at all. The whole prom experience was overrated and it was frustrating when people told you that you should be excited about it.

Thirty minutes after we left the mall, Alice was pulling into my driveway. I was going to take the dress with me, but Alice insisted on keeping it for a while anyway. She told me it was because she wanted to make sure the flowers I carried for prom matched the dress. I sighed, and told Alice good night and headed for the house. At least this was the last time I had to think about this for a while at least.

**Last Week of April 2004 – The Week of the Prom**

I was worried about my term papers for my classes, not the dance that was on everybody else's minds. I was constantly working and typing and trying to get organized. Graduation was fast approaching and I was no where near ready for it. Everyday I could hear Rosalie and Alice talking about the prom and I really hadn't given it much thought since the day that I bought the dress. Edward hadn't even mentioned it. Maybe he forgot about it. That would be a blessing for sure.

"Bella, I'll be by to pick you up at eight for our hair appointments."

My mind was brought back to the people that were talking to me. My expression must have made Alice really angry, because she let a yell of frustration.

"Bella, you can't seem to remember anything but school right now," she yelled.

"Well, I want to get…"

"Bella, you are the class valedictorian, you don't have to worry about anything anymore," she said, her eyes shining with anger.

"Okay, Alice. Sorry." I really was sorry, I just didn't care about the whole prom thing.

The bell finally rang and the rest of the day was very uneventful. I spent the rest of the day and night working on my school stuff. I typed from the moment I got home well into the night.

I was really shocked when I heard my phone ringing and I picked my head up from my keyboard. I fell asleep on the computer again. I really needed to stop doing that. I picked up my phone without even looking to see who it was.

"Hello," my voice cracked as I spoke.

"_Bella, you are not standing outside this house waiting on me, why?"_ Alice was really becoming annoying. You could almost compare her to a fly. One that wouldn't leave you alone and all you wanted to do was squash it.

"Because I just woke up."

The line went dead again, and I knew what that meant. Alice was coming in the house and she was going to drag me out.

My bedroom door bust open and their stood Alice in one of Edward's button up shirts and a pair of blue jeans her eyes full of fire.

"Here, put this on, we are going to be late," she said as she threw a shirt at me. It was another one of Edward's button up shirts.

I was dressed and ready to go in a few minutes and we were in the car headed for the hair salon. I felt like it took forever to get my hair done too. After many hours of having my hair in hot sticks, bobby pins, and hair spray, it was done. It was actually really beautiful, not something I could actually do by myself, but it was really beautiful.

My normally straight chocolate hair had been swept up into a partial ponytail of cascading spiral curls with the rest of the hair pinned to make it appear to have crown of curls on top. Many diamond looking clips accented my hair as well. My favorite part was the two strands of spiral curls that framed my face. After a quick spray of silver glitter, I was done.

We drove to Alice's house to get ready. I was starting to get nervous, I don't know why, but I was.

"Alice, Edward hasn't forgotten about Prom, has he?"

"Nope. He went with the boys a week or so ago to be fitted for his tuxedo and he got everything to match your dress. Actually, I saw him showing Mom the other day, he looks very good in it," explained Alice.

Why wasn't that comforting me any? We arrived at the house and I saw that Edward's car wasn't in the drive.

"Don't worry, Bella, he's over at Jasper's with Emmett getting ready for tonight. He'll be here later," Alice laughed as she got out of the car. Rosalie's car was already in the drive so it was clear that she had already arrived.

As soon as we got upstairs, we started this never ending process of putting on makeup and jewelry. Rosalie did my makeup and she was very careful to put only a small amount on, especially since I really didn't like that much makeup.

I even got to watch Alice and Rosalie get ready, which was a very interesting sight too. It was fun to see them poke and prod each other with the variety of products, though they didn't object as much as I did.

By three in the afternoon, it was time to put the dresses on. I helped Rosalie get her dress on and she slipped on her diamond earrings and necklace. When she was finished, she truly did look like a princess, especially with her long blonde hair in curls. Alice was stunning as well. Her hair was very basic, but with the shimmer of the glitter in her hair, her fairy-like appearance was complete.

Both of them helped me get into my dress and adjusted it so that I would look perfect. I stepped into the simple heels, and turned to look in the mirror when Alice stopped me and handed me a pair of earrings and she slipped a silver bracelet and necklace around my neck. After putting the earrings in, she finally let me see myself.

I didn't look like myself… The fabric clung to me and the puffy bottom of the dress was huge, bigger than I actually remembered. I looked at the jewelry and each piece had a diamond in the shape of a small star accented in silver. My face was very soft looking, my lips a very pale pink.

"Edward is going to be very surprised, Alice," whispered Rosalie.

There was a slight knock on the door, and Esme walked into the room.

"You girls look lovely. I wanted to inform you that your dates are here. They are waiting for you downstairs," Esme said as she pushed the door open for us.

Rose and Alice squealed, and headed out the door and down the stairs to meet their dates. I stood there for a moment looking at myself in the mirror.

"He is going to be speechless, my dear."

I jumped a little when I heard Esme speak from beside me.

"I know my son, Bella… he does care so much about you, but he can't seem to see it himself."

"I don't care anymore, Esme." I really did, but I didn't want her to know that.

"Oh, honey, you don't have to lie to me. I have always known that you would eventually fall in love with my little boy," Esme's voice was so musical when she said that. It gave me the chills. "Go on, he is waiting for you."

After taking a deep breath, I walked from the room and walked toward the stairs. I could see them all talking, and I saw Edward, though his back was to me. I could tell how handsome he was even without him looking at me, especially since he always looked that way to me.

I paused at the top of the stairs, and was about to step down, when Alice noticed me.

"Edward, your date is ready…"

When he turned around, I felt my breath catch in my throat, and his eyes went wide. I stood there for a moment to let my body get over the shock of seeing him like that, and to concentrate on not falling down the stairs in these shoes.

As I descended the stairs, I watched his eyes. They were examining me carefully. I had never saw Edward look at me that way. It was like he was trying to be sure that I was the same woman, the person that had been his best friend for all these years.

When I reached the bottom, I watched him step forward and he slipped his arms around me in a gentle hug.

"You look absolutely gorgeous, Jingle Bells," he whispered in my ear.

I felt my skin warming, which meant that I was blushing again. He handed me the most beautiful arrangement of flowers ever. They weren't fake flowers either, they were a bouquet of white roses wrapped in silver and royal blue ribbons.

When the shock wore off, we took pictures, and more pictures. After what felt like forever, we had to leave so we could go by my house to let Charlie and Renee take pictures as well. Edward escorted me to his car and like a perfect gentleman, he opened and shut the door before he went over to the driver side to get in himself.

We talked on the way there, about things you wouldn't really think about talking about.

Charlie and Renee were waiting for us when we got there. Renee was all weepy and blubbering about how her little girl had grown up and that she could remember when she would put my hair in pig tails and that I would play in the dirt making mud pies. After about thirty minutes of pictures, we were finally able to leave.

He took me to a very nice dinner. I couldn't recall the name of the place, but the chicken was very good. I guess the reason I couldn't remember anything was because I was too focused on watching Edward and having the chance to take in this moment with him, something that would always be with me. It was really like a dream come true to be here with him, on this last dance of high school. I wasn't really sentimental, but this was what I had always wanted.

We arrived at the school by seven, he paid for our Prom tickets, and he escorted me into the gym.

Tonight, it wasn't a musty old gym, but a magical garden, one that you would only see in the movies. White lights twinkled like stars and the walls were covered in a very dark cloth, and sprayed with silver glitter to resemble a starry night. I could hear the bubble of a fountain and saw a very beautiful gazebo draped in ivy with a swing across the room. It was truly a place that could produce a night to remember.

We went and had Prom portraits taken and then we met up with Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice. I really didn't know how long we talked, but we heard Ms. Kaytor, the principal, announce the voting for Prom Queen and King were set to start. We went and voted and returned to our spot in the gym waiting for the ballots to be counted. The dance wouldn't officially start until the king and queen were crowned. I knew that Edward would be the Prom King, because all the women in entire school thought he was gorgeous, and I was going to bet Lauren would be Queen. Not that I minded, I knew that Edward wouldn't run off and spend the rest of the night with her.

Some people were out dancing while the votes were being counted, but we stayed clear of the dance floor, mostly because I was afraid I would fall and embarrass myself.

"Excuse me."

The gym went silent when we heard the voice of the principal again. Everyone cleared the dance floor and their attention was on the woman standing in front of them with the slip of paper and the microphone in her hand.

"It is my pleasure to welcome you to the 2004 Junior and Senior Prom. This year the juniors selected the theme, 'A Night To Remember' and they want this night be one that you seniors carry with you always. You may graduate, but part of you will always be here and they wish you well and give you this dance as their parting gift to you."

The room broke into applause and after the room became quiet once again, she continued.

"It is my honor to crown two seniors to be King and Queen of this evening. Our Prom King is Edward Cullen."

The room broke into another round of ovation, especially from our group. I watched Lauren from the corner of my eye to see her standing and adjusting her dress, for she knew she was going to be the one that would receive the tiara. Ms. Kaytor then continued.

"This year's Prom Queen is… Isabella Swan."

The room burst into applause and many whistles broke out as well. I sat there in shock when I felt Alice poked me in the side.

"Go on, Bella."

I stood up and walked slowly toward Edward. I could see Lauren pouting out of the corner of my eye too. As I passed by her, I could see her glaring at me like I stole something that was rightfully hers. I stepped up beside Edward and Ms. Kaytor placed the tiara on my head. Out of nowhere, I felt Edward slip his hand into mine.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you your 2004 Prom King and Queen. Now it is time for their dance and the official beginning of your 'Night To Remember.'"

It was then that music started. Edward led me down to the center of the dance floor and he pulled me close to him. He had to notice that my heart was pounding and that I was shaking. He leaned close to me and whispered into my ear.

"You deserved this, Bella. Stay close to me, I won't let you fall."

He knew what I was thinking and my fears without me saying a word. It was then that the words of the song started…

_When the rain is blowing in your face  
And the whole world is on your case  
I would offer you a warm embrace  
To make you feel my love_

As we danced, he pulled me closer to him and he wrapped his arms around my waist. I pulled my hands up so I could wrap them around his neck and then I laid my head on his shoulder, taking in this moment.

_When the evening shadows and the stars appear  
And there is no one to dry your tears  
I could hold you for a million years  
To make you feel my love_

_I know you haven't made your mind up yet  
But I would never do you wrong  
I've known it from the moment that we met  
There's no doubt in my mind where you belong_

The words of the song echoed through my mind, and they talked deeply to my heart, the heart that craved the man that held me in his arms. I was at home here, wrapped up in his arms.

_I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue  
I'd go crawling down the avenue  
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do  
To make you feel my love_

_The storms are raging on the rollin' sea  
Down the highway of regret  
The winds of change are blowing wild and free  
But you ain't seen nothing like me yet_

_There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do  
Go to the ends of the earth for you  
Make you happy, make your dreams come true  
To make you feel my love_

As the song was wrapping up, I looked up into his eyes and when he looked back at me, I could see a look that I had never saw before. I couldn't help myself… I leaned up and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek. He looked taken aback, but he hugged me close to him.

"Thank you, Edward, for giving me one of the best nights of my life," I said, quiet enough no one would hear me but him.

He looked down at me, his emerald orbs shimmering back at me.

"No, Bella, thank you, for everything."

The rest of the night was very fun. I danced with Rosalie and Alice while the boys watched us close by, but they later joined us on the dance floor. I spent all the slow dances with Edward though. He was constantly being asked to dance, but he wouldn't leave my side. I wondered if part of the reason was because Mike Newton kept staring at me, just waiting for Edward to leave me alone for a few moments.

At midnight, the dance was over and that meant it was time to go home. Edward extended his arm and led me out to the car and again, was a complete gentleman to me. Esme would be proud if she saw this. He talked with me the entire way home. He told me about how he had heard that Lauren had been going around school saying that she was going to be queen to his king. I guess the student body didn't like that idea so they voted for me instead. I couldn't help but laugh.

He pulled up in my driveway, and came over to my side to let me out of the car. I had slipped the shoes off, and was now walking bare footed to up to my house. He stood there with me for a moment.

"I'm really glad that we went together, Bells." His voice somewhat shaky.

"Me too. I guess I need to get inside. I'm really tired, especially with all the craziness that I had to go through to get myself to look like this."

"You were the most beautiful woman in there tonight. No one could compare to you," his eyes sparkled as he spoke.

"I think you are not very impartial, Edward." I laughed as he rolled his eyes at me.

He leaned in and wrapped me in a warm hug.

"What am I to do with you, Isabella Swan?"

I pulled myself as close as I could and took in the aroma of his cologne. I never wanted to forget this moment. We stayed like that for I don't know how long, but to me it would never be long enough.

"Good night, Jingle Bells," he whispered to me and it was then that I felt his lips gently brush against the skin of my cheek, I felt faint.

I could feel the crimson color coming back to my face as soon as he did that.

"Night, Edward."

I watched him go down the stairs and back to his car. As I watched him drive away, I reached up to feel the skin that his lips had just touched. _He kissed me!_

Stop it, Bella. It was similar to a kiss you would give your parents, not a girlfriend, but it didn't matter to me in that moment. The fact was that his lips had touched my skin. I couldn't help but chuckle at myself for a moment especially after thinking about the theme of the night…

_A Night To Remember…_

As I went into the house and up to my room, I realized what he had done for me. Edward had made this a night that I would carry with me always. No matter what I did, or where I would go in the future, I would carry this one night with me. The time dancing in his arms and the chaste and innocent kiss he gave me. This night had been a night that I would truly remember until the end of my days.

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Okay, I was thinking about this and I wanted to ask your opinion... I was considering writing the Prom chapter from Edward's POV so we can find out what he was thinking, especially when he gave that quick kiss to Bella. So here is the deal... I have created a poll, which is a new thing for me even though I have been on this site since October 2007, so you can vote on this. I will be monitering the poll and will close it around midnight on June 12. So that means at 12 am June 12. (I live in the Central time zone in the good ol' USA if you are wondering, that that might help you too.) I want to know what you are thinking. You can tell me more details in a review or a PM. I respond to everything so you can expect a reply.

Again, please drop me a review and let me know what you think about the chapter in general.

Sincerely,  
EclipseoftheTwilightMoon


	15. 14: Another View Of A Night To Remember

Greetings fellow readers/reviewers,

As you can tell, the masses called for looking into our favorite guy's mind on a few things. (It won with getting 85 percent of the vote) I know I said it would be shorter than Bella's, well… I got a little carried away as you will see. Plus as some people have said to me, Edward's POV should be longer since he tends to think too much and tries to rationalize everything.

The last chapter is my highest reviewed chapter, ever. Yay! I would like to thank all you lovely people that reviewed. I dedicate this chapter to all of you that reviewed and encourage everyone to leave me a review. I do answer them all. It might take me a while to get back to you, but I will answer you. Promise.

The Normal Ramblings: The Twilight series and its characters belong to Ms. Stephenie Meyer. (Why can't I come up with something so original and good?) Check out and support the authors and the stories that are on my fave lists.

Tres Amigos – You are so wonderful, and I love you all so much. I want to thank twilightgurl22 for talking to me the other night online and enjoying my whole dancing to the Cha Cha Slide thing… there is a part in there for you. (We totally got to do that sometime!) halojones this is my trade, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it.

sanctuary-in-dreams, I wanted to reassure you that it is a fairy tale, it's just not your traditional fairy tale. I'm all for the happily ever afters. lol

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Chapter 14 Another View Of A Night To Remember song: The Right Kind Of Wrong – Leann Rhimes

Reasoning: Personally, I like the idea of the name of this song. How can it be right when it is wrong? Edward thinks all the feelings that he has for Bella is wrong, so does it make them right? Hmm… that is one to ponder.

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Chapter 14: Another View Of A Night To Remember

**March 2004**

I heard a knock on my bedroom door, and I turned over to look at the clock. It read six in the morning. I was about to get angry, but I looked to the door to see Alice's small form standing in the doorway.

"Edward, we need to talk."

I sighed as I heard her coming toward me.

"What?" I must have sounded really cranky because Alice slightly paused as she came into the room. When she was finally sure that it was safe, she came in and crawled onto my bed were I was lying.

"You know the prom is coming up right?"

That was a dumb question. The whole school was going crazy with preparations for it. Plus I had about every senior girl with the exception of my sister, Rosalie, and Bella asking me to go with them.

"Why do I care that about the prom?" I did care, but I really didn't want to explain it to Alice. I had made a promise to Bella that I intended on keeping. _I wonder if she actually remembers the promise._

"You know that I'm going with Jasper and Emmett is going to be escorting Rosalie, and that leaves you and Bella as odd people out." Her tone was too chipper for it being too early.

"If you are asking me to ask Bella to the prom… you're too late." Her expression was full of shock and hurt.

"And why not?" Her tone told me that she was now mad at me.

"Well, Alice, I was already planning on asking her."

Her eyes went to mine for a moment, and looked curiously at me. "I didn't take you for the prom type, Edward. What's up?"

After I rolled over some and Alice moved enough to lie down next to me on the bed, and as soon as I knew she was comfortable, I gave her my answer.

"I promised Bella during our freshmen year that if we weren't dating anyone that I would be her date for the prom."

"I never knew that," Alice gasped.

"You don't know everything about us, Ally. We do have our secrets."

"I figured that would be something that Bella would have told me. That's all."

I couldn't help but think back to that day I made her that promise and her reaction to it. Her laughter rang through the gym as we watched all these girls asking the guys to be their prom dates. When I told her that I would take her, she seemed almost shocked. Like I would for sure have a girlfriend, she was just too sure of my ability to draw in women.

"So you are asking her because of a promise then?" Her question almost felt like a cut, and I really didn't know why either. I thought about the question before I answered, and the answer even surprised me some.

"I would have asked her anyway, Ally. She deserves the best and I know that we would have fun together. I want this night to be perfect for her. She deserves that."

"You sound like her boyfriend, not her best friend, you know?" She chuckled as she spoke.

"Funny. Real funny, Alice," I pushed her a little and she pushed me back playfully.

She finally jumped up, leaned down to me and kissed my cheek.

"I love you, Edward, but you are clueless and possibly hopeless when it comes to that woman."

She walked out of the room and shut the door behind her. I rolled onto my back and thought about her words. Was I different when it came to Bella?

After I realized that I wasn't going back to sleep, I decided that it was time to shower before I got ready for school. I pulled off my clothes and turned the shower up as hot as possible and let the water beat against my bare skin. I ran my hands through my wet hair and then grabbed some soap and began to lather and wash, but the entire time I could help but think about me asking Bella to the prom.

The fact was that things were different now. The promise was made when we were just friends, but now, I knew that Bella harbored more feelings for me. Would going with me be too hard on her? Would she want to go with me in the first place? There were too many questions and not enough answers.

I quickly shampooed my hair, rinsed, and got out of the shower. My normally relaxing shower had officially put me on edge and in turn was going cause the day to remain like this moment, stressful.

I pulled on my clothes and grabbed my stuff as I climbed into 'Christine' for school. As I drove I listened to one of the mix CDs that Bella had made me and I couldn't help but start to worry that she would say no to me. _Why does it matter if she says no… she can go to the prom with whoever she wants to go with._

I pulled into the lot and slowly started to walk toward the school when I saw Bella walking toward Banner's class. I realized that I could ask in biology. It should be quick and painless. As I walked into the room and sat down next to her, I noticed that she was deeply engrossed in one of her textbooks for her English class, so I decided against asking now. She was just too worried about school at the moment to be worried about the prom.

So, I sat through biology, multimedia, and all my morning classes constantly worrying about asking Bella to go to the prom with me. When I arrived in the gym for lunch, I knew I couldn't avoid the situation much longer. She was sitting there reading yet another book for her English class and the rest of our group was already there talking about stuff that really didn't mean that much to me, so I sat down next to her without saying a word to anyone. It was clear that Bella didn't even notice me when I sat down next to her since she didn't even say hello to me.

"Hey, Bella, you going with us this weekend?" asked Rosalie to Bella. I looked over to see Bella's look of terror. I knew exactly what they had planned. It was Rosalie and Alice we were talking about. They wanted to go shopping and that wasn't something that Bella really looked forward to at all.

"Where am I going?" Her voice echoed the fear that she was definitely feeling.

"Shopping with us, silly," replied Alice as if Bella was completely insane for not knowing the reason.

"I don't think so. Got too much to do." Her reply was quick and sharp. She was hoping that Alice would let it go, and there was no chance that would happen.

"Come on, Bells. We're going to look for our Prom dresses," squealed Alice. I knew that Bella wouldn't care about that anyway, so Alice's words were falling on deaf ears.

"Sorry, I'm not going. I don't feel like standing around alone or having Mike constantly hitting on me or asking me to dance all night. I'm staying at home and watching a good movie."

I felt my heart skip a beat when she said that. _Why does it matter to me?_

"You aren't going alone," stated Rosalie. _Oh, no. Alice told Rose that I was going to ask Bella and I hadn't had the chance to ask her yet._

I heard Bella say something along the lines that she would know if she had a prom date and it was then that I knew that I had to speak up now or not speak up at all.

"Actually, you do. I was supposed to talk to you about it this morning in biology," I mumbled slightly. I felt really strange asking her. The whole moment was weird to me. I felt my heart fluttering like I was… nervous.

When I looked at her, she was looking at me strangely so I figured I would just finish my thought, since it appeared that I was already making a fool out of myself. "Bella, would you be my date to the Prom?"

It was then, that she went into deep thought and I hated it when she did that. I could never figure out what was going on in her head. Normally, I could read her by just looking into her eyes.

I then heard Alice say something to her to bring her attention back to the conversation, and her eyes met mine for a moment. It looked like her mind was still miles away, but her concentration was close enough to allow her to speak to me.

"You don't have to go with me, Edward. You can find someone else. I don't need your pity."

How could I pity her? She is everything a person… a man would want. I would be lucky to go with her, even as her friend.

"I would never pity you, Bella. There isn't a girl in this world that I would want to go with besides you." I then tried to smile at her to reassure her that I was doing this because I wanted to go with her. She had to know it wasn't because I had already promised her three years ago. There was no woman in that school that I liked to spend time with besides Bella and I truly wanted to spend that night with her.

She veiled her face with her hair for a moment, hiding her face from my sight and I wanted nothing more than to reach over and stroke the hair from her face, to see her eyes and watch for her answer, but I knew it was inappropriate for me to do that. That was something a boyfriend would do for her and that wasn't a title that I planned on holding in my lifetime.

"If you want me to, I'll go with you," she whispered quietly.

My sister and friend were so happy to hear that she would go, but I knew I was even happier they were. I didn't know why, but I knew that I would have been miserable without her. With her, I would have a very memorable night.

**April 2004 – A Week Before The Prom**

"You really don't know how badly I hate this." I stated while a woman was measuring my arms for my tuxedo jacket.

"Oh, you are such a big baby, little brother," stated Emmett who was only a few feet away from me getting measured for his own tuxedo.

"Bite me." Childish, but effective for the present company that I was keeping.

"Mark the acre," he snapped back at me.

"Children, we have business to take care of here," grumbled Jasper, while he was being measured for his pants.

I should have just come alone to get fitted for my tux, but everyone decided to come on the same day so here I am with the whiner, and strong and silent one of my group of friends.

"So, Edward, what do you think about going with Bella to the prom? I mean she is hot and desirable… the whole male population has a thing for her." Emmett's comment caused my blood to feel as if it was going to boil.

"She's my friend, end of story."

"Oh, come on, Edward. You have had your fair share of women, and you can't tell me that you don't think she's hot. All of those sexy curves of hers… if I didn't have Rose, I would totally go after her. I bet she would be a nice piece."

I jerked around and grabbed him by the shirt. "Don't you ever talk about Bella like that. Understand?"

His eyes shimmered with glee at my reaction. He turned to Jasper who was watching the events unfold in front of him.

"Hey, Jazz. I think I hit a nerve with Eddie here, and he says he doesn't have a thing for Bella."

I released him, and apologized to the lady that was trying to fit me for my tuxedo. I didn't say anything else to them. I was really thinking about the whole situation. I shouldn't have reacted like that to his comments. I wasn't Bella's boyfriend or anything close to it, but why did it bother me so much to hear a guy talk about her like that? Like she was a piece of meat? I did the same thing to women, but why was Bella so different?

"Edward, its okay to feel the way you do." I looked up to see Jasper standing in front of me looking at me with a really strange expression.

"I don't feel anything but friendship for Bella. You guys should know that. I mean, she spends all kinds of time with us out in the garage… she's almost like a guy to me."

"You have to be kidding me, Edward," exclaimed Emmett, "You are blind as a bat if you didn't notice that Bella isn't one of the guys. She has the potential to be an absolute sex kitten if the opportunity came up. She is going to please one lucky guy one day that is for sure."

The thought of someone touching her made me angry and sick at the same time. _No, you don't feel that way about your friend. She's your friend, Edward. She's Bella. The girl that has been with you so long that she shouldn't even register on your radar and it shouldn't make you mad that some guy would touch her because you want her to get married someday and that would entail a man touching her eventually._

"Excuse me, gentlemen, but I need you to sign these forms for your tuxedos and I have the samples of the colors so that everything will match your dates' dresses." The clerk's voice brought my thoughts back, so I pushed my feelings about Bella into the corners of my mind. I really hoped that they wouldn't continue to haunt me, though I had a feeling that they would.

We quickly signed the slips and were told that we could pick them up on the Friday before the prom and headed out of the shop.

"On some lighter side…" stated Emmett, "I went and got the ring for Rosalie. I'm going to ask her to marry me after the Prom."

Both Jasper and I congratulated Emmett on becoming brave enough to take the plunge, especially with Rosalie. I realized too that I would be getting a new sister with their marriage. With that thought, I looked over at Jasper and I knew it would be soon after Alice graduated high school that he too would ask for my sister. That would leave me alone… I would have to find someone eventually. My womanizing ways would have to end and I would have to settle on someone, but it wasn't something that I would have to worry about now. Yet, I would have to sometime in the future.

So, I listened to them talk along the way, but I my thoughts kept drifting back to the woman with the chocolate hair that swept in front of her face and the shy smile that normally was only meant for me…I internally yelled_. Why can't I stop thinking about her?!_

**April 2004 – Friday Before the Prom**

I had gone to the shop that I ordered my tuxedo from and I had tried it on in the shop, but I wanted to see it after I got home too. So I quickly pulled off my clothes and slipped it on, and quickly stepped in front of the mirror to examine how it looked on me.

It was then that I heard a knock on my door, and I turned to see my mother standing there.

"You look very handsome." Her voice was so sweet when she spoke.

"Thanks, Mom."

"Bella is going to love it."

I spun around to look at her. I didn't know what to say to that.

"Why should Bella's opinion matter?" I snapped.

"Oh, Edward, you should know that I know you like a book. I know what you think, even if you don't know it yourself. You might say you don't care what Bella thinks, but you do. You have always craved her approval, you always have and probably always will."

_Have I? Have I always wanted her approval? Why would it matter if I had it or not?_

"Edward," she spoke as she took my hand and led us over to the bed to sit down, "I know you are not ready to hear this, but from the moment that I came to the school to pick you up and I saw you clutching Bella's small hand, I knew. She was the only one for you. You might not be ready for her, but you need to get it together soon, or you will lose her."

"I don't feel that way about her, Mom." I said, trying to sound strong in what I was saying.

"Oh, baby, you are so wrong. I hope you realize before you are too late."

I jumped up from my bed and looked at her.

"Why do people keep saying that to me? Before it's too late? What does that mean?"

"Edward, Bella isn't going to wait around forever for you to get your act together. If you are not careful, some other man will sweep in and take your place in her heart. Do you really want that?"

I stood there and looked into the mirror and thought about what she said. The idea that another man would be around Bella was crazy, but that is what I wanted, or at least I thought so. I wanted Bella to have her happily ever after, just like in the fairy tales of our youth. If that meant that another man would have to come into her life, so be it.

Another knock came from my door and it was then that Alice slipped into the room.

"You do clean up rather well, Edward," mischief in her voice.

"Thanks, Ally."

I turned to see my mom standing next to me. She came toward me and wrapped her small arms around me. She stood on her tip toes and whispered to me.

"You love her, Edward. Don't be afraid of it. Love her back, that's all you have to do."

She left me standing there, and I had to look completely dumbfounded. Alice continued to look at me strangely too.

"What?"

"What are we ever going to do with you, big brother?"

She slipped from the room and left me standing in front of the mirror. I looked at myself closely and thought about everything. Finally, I pulled the tuxedo off of me and quickly hung it back up and went and crawled into bed. Pulling my pillow close, I forced myself to sleep. I needed the silence at least for the moment, because I couldn't bring myself to think about her that way. Bella was my friend, nothing more.

**The Day Of The Prom**

I woke up around eleven in the morning and when I got downstairs, I found out that Alice had already left to get Bella for her hair appointment. I was betting that Bella wasn't too happy about it either.

I grabbed me some orange juice and went back up to my room to get my tux and head over to Jasper's, since it was decided that it would be the designated place to get ready and I also had to go and pick up the flowers for Bella. Alice wanted to order them, but I told her I could do that. I ordered the most beautiful white long stem roses for her, and followed Alice's specific instructions of having them tied off with silver and royal blue ribbons.

So, I got dressed quickly and took my tuxedo with me down the stairs and hung it in the backseat of my car. My first stop was to pick up the flowers, which looked wonderful, and I also picked up my boutonnière which was a white rose, trimmed in similar ribbon. I paid for them and took them with me to Rosalie and Jasper's.

As I came into the house I placed her flowers in the refrigerator, and I quickly took everything with me upstairs to Jasper's room. Both of them were almost ready by the time I got there. I pulled my tuxedo out of the bag and started to slip everything on. I was ready before they even got finished, so I had to help them. Emmett was just having trouble all together. I felt strange pinning their boutonnières on them, but I finally got them ready and I went down to the kitchen since I left my boutonnière on the table.

After I got mine pinned to my jacket, I went into the living room, where both Jasper and Emmett were standing. I turned my attention to Emmett for the moment. He was fumbling around with a ring box … Rosalie's engagement ring.

"Nervous, Em?" I couldn't help but ask.

"A little," he mumbled as he flipped open the box to stare at the ring for a moment.

Seeing the normally fearless Emmett not so fearless, was something new to me. He was just nervous that he wouldn't be giving her the dream proposal that she always wanted. He was ready for this. He wanted to keep Rosalie with him always and their marriage would be a symbol of their devotion to each other. Emmett might only be a year older than me but he was ready for this choice, especially since they had been together for as long as I could remember.

"Lets get out of here guys, we need to get there early so that we can take pictures and everything. You know Esme, you can't get her to stop with the camera once she starts," chuckled Jasper.

So we headed for my house. As I drove, I felt strange. My heart was pounding like a drum and I couldn't bring myself to calm down. I couldn't figure out why I was so nervous though. When I pulled into the drive and walked into the house I was met by both my parents and we talked for a moment before Mom went up the stairs to get the girls.

Not long after my mom went upstairs, I heard the squeal from Rosalie and Alice and they came down the stairs towards us. Both of them were stunning and I watched as both Emmett and Jasper gave them their flowers and hugged them close. I noticed that Bella hadn't come down so I watched them talk and I even heard Dad whisper words of luck to Emmett about the upcoming proposal.

"Edward, your date is ready…" Stated Alice.

I turned around and looked up the stairs to see a stunning woman that could have been a part of any man's dreams or fantasies. It couldn't be Bella Swan. The woman before me was a goddess. An angel sent from heaven to torture me with her exquisite beauty. The woman that was standing at the top of the stairs wore a fluffy royal blue dress that hugged her body, her hair draped in curls, her eyes smoldered with something that was foreign to me, and she moved so elegantly down the stairs. _This woman couldn't be Bella._

When she finally stepped down on the floor, I looked closely at her and it was then that I saw the glimmer within her eyes that proved to me that she was indeed Bella, the girl that I had known all these years. I slowly stepped forward and I gently pulled her into my arms. I never knew how it would feel to have her in my arms like this.

"You look absolutely gorgeous, Jingle Bells," I whispered in her ear.

I then noticed the normal crimson color that flushed her face. She was truly beautiful and for this night, she was mine. I handed her the roses and in her arms they accented all the natural beauty that shined through.

My mind was racing. Was it this night that made me feel all these things for her though? Was she always this exquisite?

Mom wanted pictures and I pulled her close and wrapped my arms around her waist. She fit perfectly there and I had this odd sensation that she felt the same way too. _Stop it, Edward. This is Bella. The one that can pull out car parts with the best of us and know what the hell is going on. Stupid hormones! Put a woman in a dress that shows their form and I go crazy._

Before I could take her to dinner, I took her to her house to let her parents see her and take even more photos. When Bella walked into the house, Renee got all weepy about how grown up Bella looked. I glanced over at the pictures of her growing up and it was then that I turned to look at her features. She wasn't tall, but her features were soft and very feminine. Her curves were delicate, but very sexy at the same time. I never knew that she hid her beautiful body under all those t-shirts and blue jeans. _Lord, stop, Edward. _

All I could do was keep repeating to myself that this was Bella, but my body was saying something completely different. I watched her movements and I kept thinking that if it wasn't Bella standing there how the evening would end. I would cover her lips with kisses and I would continue to kiss her as I moved to touch all the sensitive areas of her skin and eventually make her moan my name as I moved my hands across her body and the night would end with her out of the dress too. I shook my head pushing the images from my head. _No, that isn't going to happen, not with her._

We finally went to dinner. It was one of the local steak houses, and I couldn't taste anything I was eating, but I did know that Bella ate chicken. I was observant to everything she did. I talked about anything I could think of in hopes of pushing my primal need to touch her away. _I am so sick and perverted. This is your best friend you are thinking about this way. Your sweet and innocent best friend. Your entirely too sexy… NO! _

After I internally talked myself down on the issue of Bella, we arrived at the school. When we walked to the door, Mr. Banner was manning the door and I bought our prom tickets and escorted her into the building, her arm locked in mine. As we walked in, I could see that Bella was taking in everything that was done to decorate for this evening. I looked around at the many people that were already there, and I noticed the looks that the girls were giving Bella as she walked with me at her side. The boys were even looking at me with rage too. _Jealous… that is what they are._

We walked over for portraits and then we went to join the rest of my family and our friends. It was when Ms. Kaytor told us that it was time to vote for king and queen. When I heard that, I felt an internal groan radiate from within me. Any senior could be prom king and queen, they just had to be voted for by the people in attendance. I knew the masses would vote me for prom king, though I really didn't want it. I looked over to Lauren who was puffing up and chattering with Jessica and her other friends that she was a shoe in for queen. I chuckled to myself since I had heard a rumor that she was telling everyone that she would be the prom queen, but I knew that the masses of the school were going to prove her wrong by voting for someone. I turned to my date and I wished more than anything it would be her. She deserved the spotlight, though she never really wanted it.

I stayed close to Bella and continued to talk to everyone until we heard Ms. Kaytor speak again. She welcomed us to our senior prom and said something to the extent that this was the juniors parting gift to us. I really didn't care about that stuff. It was when she started to announce the court that I started to feel sick.

"It is my honor to crown two seniors to be King and Queen of this evening. Our Prom King is Edward Cullen."

I reluctantly released Bella's arm and walked toward the stage. The room was filled with applause and yells from all the girls in attendance. I could see Lauren primping for her moment in the spotlight. Ms. Kaytor placed the stupid crown on my head and I stood there waiting for the ball to drop on the evening.

The principal spoke again, but the words that she spoke lifted my eyes to a woman that was standing across the room from me.

"This year's Prom Queen is… Isabella Swan."

Her eyes went wide with shock and she just stood there staring at me.

_Come on Bella… please…_

I saw Alice poke her in the side as she began to walk toward me. Everyone, with the exception of Lauren and her friends, was clapping for her. I looked over at Lauren and I couldn't help but laugh at her response. She couldn't stand to see Bella being the prom queen. She stepped beside me on the stage and Ms. Kaytor placed the tiara on her head and it was then that I reached out and placed her small hand in mine. _This feels nice. Perfect._

"Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you your 2004 Prom King and Queen. Now it is time for their dance and the official beginning of your 'Night To Remember.'"

It was then that the music started to play, with her hand in mine, I led her out onto the dance floor. I looked into her eyes and I knew exactly what she was thinking. She thought that she didn't deserve this moment and she was terrified that she would fall and make a fool of herself. I wouldn't let that happen though. I pulled her small body to mine and wrapped my arms around her and leaned down to whisper in her ear.

"You deserved this, Bella. Stay close to me, I won't let you fall."

The lyrics of the song began to swirl around us and I forgot were I was and what was going on around me. With this woman in my arms, I was lost to the world. As we danced I couldn't help it, but I pulled her as close to me as I could. I wanted no distance between us for this moment. Her arms wrapped around my neck and she placed her head on my shoulder. The movement of her body with mine wasn't something I never thought about, but in this moment, it was all that mattered to me.

When I heard the song coming to a close I wanted to yell for the DJ to keep the song playing… I didn't want this moment to end, even though nothing would ever come from it. Bella was my best friend, but in that moment, I could have her as more than my friend, and it still remain completely innocent. Before I knew it, I was looking down into her eyes and in a swift movement, she leaned up and brushed her soft and plump lips along my cheek.

I wanted to gasp at the contact, but I didn't want to scare her. That had to be one of the sexiest moments I had ever experienced, though so pure to the common observer. I wanted nothing more than to claim her lips and find out if she was as sweet as she appeared to me in that moment, but I shook the idea from my mind as quick as the thought crossed it. _This is Bella. This is Bella._

"Thank you, Edward, for giving me one of the best nights of my life." Her voice was a whisper, her words were only for me.

Why would she thank me? Did she not know how she was making me feel in this moment? She might be my best friend, but I wanted nothing more than to claim her as mine, though I never had any right to claim her. She was my friend. You don't have these kinds of feelings for your friend. It was my job to protect her, not to chase after her like the rest of the male population. I was a complete pig. I wouldn't ever deserve someone like Bella. She needed someone that wasn't me. I also knew it was my hormones talking too, that if I was in my normal train of thought, I wouldn't want her like I did at this moment.

I couldn't really form coherent sentences so I finally choked out something as simple as possible.

"No, Bella, thank you, for everything."

The dance ended, but my thoughts never did. I watched her out on the dance floor with Alice and Rosalie. She might think she couldn't dance, but she was holding her own out there. I couldn't help but laugh when I saw them out there doing the Cha Cha Slide. I also noticed the guys watching her closely, and I had to suppress a growl that was setting deep within my chest.

When I walked past Mike Newton, I heard him mention that he was going to get Bella to dance with him. The thought of that vile creature touching Bella, made me ill, so I remedied that. I would join her on the dance floor and all her dances would be mine. No one would try to ask her if she was with me. Like the first dance with her, her body would rest against mine and I knew for the time she would be safe in my arms and that it would satisfy my hormones desire to touch her.

They told us at midnight that the dance was over and I extended my hand to Bella and led her from the school, opened the door for her, and shut it behind her as she settled herself while I drove her home. I even told her about Lauren while I drove. She laughed when she heard what had happened. It was just so musical.

Pulling into her driveway, I wished that the night didn't have to end here. I walked around to Bella's side and helped her from the car and I watched her from the corner of my eye while I led her up the front steps. _I really wish I was in love with you, Bella. You are going to make some man very happy someday._

I didn't know why it was happening, but I was getting nervous again. So my words were so shaky from my agitation.

"I'm really glad that we went together, Bells."

"Me too. I guess I need to get inside. I'm really tired, especially with all the craziness that I had to go through to get myself to look like this." I examined her again when she said that. She was truly pleasing to the eye.

"You were the most beautiful woman in there tonight. No one could compare to you." _Did I really just say that out loud? She is going to think I lost my mind. Ugh._

"I think you are not very impartial, Edward," she chuckled at me. I couldn't help myself. I rolled my eyes at her. I leaned in and pulled her into a warm embrace.

"What am I to do with you, Isabella Swan?"

I spoke the question out loud, but it was more for my benefit than anything. What was I going to do with her? I felt as if I was balancing on the edge of a knife with her now. Ever since she told me that she loved me, and now seeing her like this, I felt so confused about everything. I wanted to touch her face, caress her skin with my fingers, let her move into my touch, but I knew that I couldn't… shouldn't do that. First, I wasn't in love with her, I couldn't do that to her. Second, she's Bella, so that places her in a completely different category than regular women that I meet, and the most important and final thing, relationships are bound to break friendships if they go bad, and I couldn't live without Bella. I needed her like the plants need the sun, or a person needs air to breathe. Ugh. I couldn't let these thoughts over power me, I need the friend more, not the very desirable woman in front of me.

Her head leaning against my shoulder, my arms around her, I took in this moment. I wanted to keep this moment always. This was going to be that moment that I could carry with me. The moment that I realized that she was a truly beautiful person inside and out and how lucky I am to have her in my life and that she cares enough about me to bless me with her presence. For this one night, she was mine, and mine alone.

I knew I had to stop this soon. My hormones were starting to get the best of my control, so I pulled myself away from her to look at her for a second, and that is when I acted on impulse. I told her good night, and I leaned down and allowed my lips to touch her skin briefly. In that second that they were there, I could tell that her skin was sweet as sugar, and I pulled myself away before I had the urge to kiss her again, and again, and then… _Stop it! NO!_

I heard her say goodnight to me too, and as I walked away I wanted nothing more than to turn around and look at her again. I wanted to take in more of her beauty because after tonight, I wasn't going to let her get to me like this. I had to protect her, from her feelings for me and my hormones that wanted her as well. I needed to think about finding me someone to fill that void in my life. I needed to find a girlfriend that could have potential of becoming my wife. Doing that would keep my hormones in check and keep me from thinking that way about my best friend.

Sighing, I pulled out of her drive and backed away from her, but as I drove home, I ran my fingers across the flesh that still burned with the touch of her tender lips. No woman had moved me so much. In that moment, I wished that Bella wasn't my best friend… for if she wasn't, it would make it a lot easier. I wouldn't have to worry about hurting her, I would treat her like any other woman I knew or had known. Yet, she was my best friend, so I pushed away the longing that cursed my thoughts.

Isabella Swan was never going to be anything more to me than a friend. She was going to get over her so called love for me, and I was going to find someone that I could marry, and so would Bella. We will eventually have children and they would play together, and maybe they too would become best friends with each other. It will be exactly what we want in the end. One day, maybe, we will come back to laugh about her infatuation with me. So why did these thoughts fill me with dread and heart ache then?


	16. Chapter 15: Graduation

Hello Everyone!

Here is yet another chapter in the story of Bella and Edward.

Some general info that probably won't mean that much to people but I will let you know. I modeled the graduation after my graduation from high school. Also, portions of Bella's speech is from my actual valedictorian speech from graduation. Finally, the tree that Edward shows Bella is a real tree. Its actually located on the property that my house is located. Its very pretty and I wish it was out in my front yard instead of the woods, but you can't have everything you want. The actual tree is a dogwood, and its really something to see.

The Normal Stuff: The Twilight series and its characters belong to Ms. Stephenie Meyer. Support the authors and stories that are on my fave lists, they are really great. Please review. I like to read them a lot.

I want to thank everyone that reviewed last chapter too... it is now the highest reviewed chapter I have ever wrote. I love you guys and I hope to see reviews from you well into the future.

To the Three Amigos - Love you all, Sweet Pea, I totally miss you, twilightgurl22 I am sorry I laughed at you the other day when we talked... I just couldn't bring myself to tell you what was going on and I should have told you that you didn't want to know... forgive me, and CARLISLE'SDARKETERNALQUEEN... where are you? You never review for me anymore, what am I going to do with you? lol I love giving you heck and I really miss seeing you at EEE. Sorry I haven't been in to see you either. Give Travie some heck too, since I don't get to do it myself anymore.

I send my love out to my reviewers this chapter... so this chapter is for all of you, and for you e-cookie people, and you know who you are, I'm giving out Oatmeal Raisin this time. :)

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Chapter 15 Graduation Song: The Graduation Song (Friends Forever) – Vitamin C  
Reasoning: Listen to this one, if you have graduated you would understand what this song would mean, and to all of you that haven't, well I say this to you… Treasure the memories you make there for they will be the things that you will carry with you throughout your life and make you the person that you will become in the end.

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Chapter 15: Graduation

**May 2004 – One Week Before Graduation**

Senioritis… we were all suffering from it by now. The teachers swore that it started in January and that every senior was now feeling its affects. We were ready for this moment, though at this very second I was terrified of what was to come. How was I going to get through this? I had too many secrets and feelings to keep hidden from everyone. Especially the ones that concerned a specific bronze haired boy that could make my heart melt with just a look from his emerald eyes.

"Ms. Swan, Ms. Kaytor will see you now."

I stood and walked past the secretary, around the counter and into the principal's office. I quickly took a seat in the chair that sat in front of her desk. She had her back to me when I came in since she was busy typing on her computer. Being in the office with her made me nervous, even though I knew what we were discussing. Spinning around in her chair, she turned to look at me, a smile on her face.

"Hey, Bella. So, we know what we are here to discuss right?"

"Yeah, I think so." My tone not soaking with excitement.

"What's wrong, Bella?" She asked.

"Nothing really. Just have a lot of stuff on my mind, I guess."

"Bella, you have been working so hard for this moment, it's your time to shine... so what is making you so sad? Edward?"

This was one of the worst things about going to a small school. Everyone knew everyone else's business. No matter how hard you tried to keep it quiet, it would eventually leak out and come back to bite you and in turn people would have to give you their two cents about what you could or should do with the problem.

"Maybe a little." I wasn't the best liar and most of the time people could tell if I was, so I figured I should just be truthful.

"What's up then?" She asked.

"I haven't told him that I am going away for college yet, and I am worried that I am going to kind of upset him, because I have been hinting that I was going to go somewhere here in Washington."

"You should be honest with him, Bella. He's eventually going to find out." Her eyes were sad when she said that.

"I know. Anyway, should we get down to business," I stated, hoping to get off the subject of me lying to Edward about my college situation.

"Yes, I wanted to congratulate you on all your hard work through high school and officially tell you that you are indeed, valedictorian. This means that you are expected to give one of the speeches at graduation to the class, so you need to get to writing on it and let me see it before graduation practice."

Internally, I groaned. Speaking in public has never been one of my high points in life. Ms. Kaytor then shuffled around some papers on her desk to grab a piece of paper to hand to me.

"Okay and here is a form that I want you to list your accomplishments throughout high school, and I was going to announce where you were going to attend college and your desired degree…"

"Truthfully, it's still up in the air about where I could go, so you could just mention the local junior college with a degree in literature."

I wasn't lying about that. I was pretty firmly set in my school choice but I was still in the process of talking with the junior college, but I really had no intention of going there.

She just nodded and wrote down the information. She knew what I was up to, but she said nothing to me. Ms. Kaytor was just that way, and I was thankful for it in this moment. Finally the bell rang, and I was headed for my first hour class.

I slipped into the room, and Mr. Banner just stared at me as I sat down next to Edward who was looking at me rather strangely. He had been doing that a lot lately. Luckily, with the seniors' days being numbered, we weren't doing anything in our classes. By seventh hour, I could leave since the guidance counselor wasn't around as much. So the senioritis was getting to me. I was bored, worried, and nervous all wrapped up in one.

I didn't realize I did it, but I must have sighed because I felt Edward's hand on my shoulder, which caused me to jump.

"Sorry, Bells. You okay? You look like you are going to be sick."

"I'm fine. Just got too much to think about right now."

I watched as everyone in our class was talking and I felt a yawn come and it was then that Edward scooted over to me and wrapped an arm around me and I settled my head on his shoulder, and within seconds, I was sleeping.

When the bell rang, I jumped again, and yet again, Edward grabbed me to keep me from falling. I was just too lucky to have him. When we went to our next class, he kept his hand on my back as we walked, and when we got to the library he went over to the area that his class was going on and I settled myself in front of the main computer in the library. Pulling up a blank document, I stared at the screen… hoping an idea would come to me. This speech was going to end up causing me more problems than what it is worth.

I stared at the screen the entire hour and wrote nothing. When Edward came over and sat down next to me, he just stared at the screen with me.

"Is there a reason we are staring at a blank screen?" His voice full of playfulness.

"Yeah, there is."

He sat there for a moment after I spoke and looked at me again.

"Are you going to clue me in or am I going to be stupid to the reason that we are doing this?"

"Speech." That is all I had the energy to say.

"Speech, huh? For?"

I looked at him like he was crazy and he smiled that crooked smile and I felt my heart melt yet again for the guy.

"Bella, lighten up, you'll get it done. I have faith in you." He leaned in and hugged me.

"Thanks."

I couldn't understand why he was so sure of my abilities when I wasn't even sure of what I was doing at the moment. Finally the bell rang and yet again I headed to my next class and that was how the rest of the day went… it was a day of complete boredom. I was glad for the day to be over so I could go home and try to think about everything.

When I got home, I found a note from my mom telling me that she was gone shopping and that Charlie would be home late tonight so I was alone for the time being. I crawled onto the couch and stared up at the ceiling for a while. I wanted nothing more than to find my happy place, the place that would allow my ideas to flow and I could write this dang speech.

I don't know how long I laid there curled up on the couch, but when I heard the door open I leaned up to see Edward standing there in all his Edward glory.

"Hey, let's go," his eyes sparkling while he spoke.

"Where are we going?" _What does he have planned?_

"To get you some inspiration for that speech of yours."

He grabbed my hand led me out of the door and we started to walk out behind my house, and into the forest.

"Edward?"

He turned and his eyes blazed into mine, "Trust me."

He never released my hand either, he kept pulling me deeper and deeper into the forest and it was when I saw the sun shining up ahead I noticed a clearing and in its center stood a large flowering tree. My eyes were trying to take in all the beauty of the area and it was then that Edward released my hand and I walked toward the tree. As I looked at the tree, I realized it wasn't one tree, but two that had twisted together and began to grow together as one.

"I found this tree a while back when I was out walking around and I actually spent a lot of time out here thinking and I thought that this is something that might give you some inspiration."

I walked a path around the tree and looked up to its white blossoms and turned back to look at Edward who was watching my every movement. I walked over to the tree and gently laid my hand against it and it was almost like I could feel the life humming from within it. It was then that I had my epiphany to what I should say.

Turning to look at him, I smiled. "Thank you."

He walked over to me and took my hand and led me back to the house, I was going to go upstairs and start writing, but he grabbed my hand before I could even reach the stairs.

"Come home with me," he whispered.

"Edward, I have to work on this."

"You can write at my house, can't you? I just want to spend some time with you, since it seems that we never can get together in one place that long."

"Fine," I said in defeat. I grabbed my stuff and followed him out of the house, and got into his car. As he drove, I couldn't help but think about all the words that I wanted to say in my speech. So as soon as we pulled in his driveway, I jumped out of the car and ran up the stairs to his room and turned on his computer. In minutes, my fingers were flying across the keyboard and I heard him come in and I knew he was watching me, but it didn't matter though. I set to work on the words that I hoped that would inspire my classmates to think about their past as they worked to the future.

**Graduation Day**

"Come on Bella, it can't be that bad," stated Kat from the other side of my door.

"You would be surprised." I yelled back to her.

"Alice has good taste so it can't be horrible."

I pushed the door open to see my cousin standing there in a nice pant suit and her hair pulled up into a bun, and high heals. I looked down at me and I wished I could have worn something like she was wearing. I was stuck wearing this dress from my last shopping trip with Alice and Rosalie. It was from our celebration shopping spree since Rose was now officially engaged to be married. She kept gushing about how romantic it was and that he walked with her outside of her house and they sat out in the lawn swing looking up at the stars and that he got down on one knee and asked for her hand and that he needed her and her alone always. I even got a little teary when I heard that.

Rose actually picked out the dress. It was a shorter than I normally wore my clothes. The white dress fit my curves and hugged them tightly, along with the swirls of brown and the thick brown ribbon that accented my waist, and the white heels that Alice insisted I wear. I didn't feel like myself at all.

Kat stood there and examined me carefully she went over to my jewelry box and pulled out the jewelry that I wore to the prom, and then she pulled me into the bathroom with her and she pulled out a curling iron and began to work with my hair. She was no Alice or Rose, but she could make my hair do things it wouldn't do for me. Within about thirty minutes, I turned to see my hair in dark chocolaty curls. It was simple, but a very classic, especially since I had to put on a mortarboard cap soon. She finished my look with light makeup.

When I got downstairs I was greeted by many members of my family that hadn't seen in forever. I knew that we were going to have a get together tomorrow after the graduation so I felt lucky that I could go and celebrate with Edward and his family, especially since I get to see the reaction to his graduation present from his parents.

I grabbed my gown and cap, along with Kat and we got in my truck and headed for the school. When we arrived I looked around the area and took it in, since it was the last time that I had to officially be here. It was something to realize that this moment had finally arrived and in turn it was bringing about changes that would forever alter our lives.

Kat went to save seats for everyone and I slipped into the library to get ready. Mrs. O'Brien was there helping the girls get into their gowns and collars. I slipped my gown on and zipped it up and pulled the collar from its packaging and put it in place. I quickly used the cheap stickers that they used to hold the collar in place and slipped my valedictorian sash around my neck. I ran my hands down the gown trying to smooth out some of the wrinkles.

"Hey, Bella."

I turned to see Rosalie standing there in her normal beauty. Even in a gold graduation gown, she looked beautiful. Her apparent joy radiated off her, joy of both graduating and becoming Mrs. Emmett Cullen.

She stepped over to me and began to readjust everything, and helped me slip on my cap and pin it to my head so it wouldn't fall off.

"Nervous?" She asked.

"A little. I'm not big on talking in front of people, especially that many people," I mumbled to her.

I felt a warm hand reach out to touch me, and this caused me to flinch a little, but when I turned I saw Edward's twinkling eyes and face.

"Don't worry about the people out there. You will be fine. If you get scared, just look at me and imagine that it's just you and me in there. Talk to me and me alone."

As soon as he said that Mrs. O'Brien was lining us up for the processional. The next thing I knew was Pomp and Circumstance began to play, and my fellow classmates began to walk into the gym for graduation. When it came my turn to walk into the room, I prayed that I wouldn't trip in these shoes. While I walked I found my parents and they were snapping pictures like crazy and it was when I saw him. Jacob Black.

He was sitting with Billy not far from where my parents were sitting and I noticed that his eyes were watching me closely, a warm smile across his face. I tried not to look at him, but my eyes seemed captivated by him for a moment. Luckily, it came time for me to turn and walk toward my seat, and away from his haunting eyes. When everyone was standing in front of their seat, we were finally told to have a seat.

The superintendent spoke for a moment and then the many awards were given. I had to get up and walk up the stairs of the stage many times, and I feared that I would eventually end up falling up or down them before the end of the night. Having so much attention placed on me was hard especially since I avoided attention at all cost and the thought of people watching me made me nauseous.

It was then that Ms. Kaytor introduced Angela Weber as our Salutatorian. She stood and gave a very moving speech, and I knew that mine wouldn't be able to compare to it. As soon as she concluded, I felt sick. When Ms. Kaytor spoke again, I knew what she was going to say before she even spoke.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor and privilege to present this year's valedictorian, Ms. Isabella Marie Swan."

The gym broke out in a round of applause when I stood and walked toward the stage. I listened as she told the masses of my accomplishments and 'my plans' for college. When she turned it over to me, I paused for a moment and I looked out to see all the people staring at me. I had to keep them out of my mind. I turned my attention to the green eyes of Edward. He nodded at me in encouragement. I stepped up to the microphone, cleared my thoughts and I began to speak.

_Welcome ladies and gentlemen, board of education, faulty and staff, class of 2004. The day that we have all been waiting for his finally here. Today is the day that we embark on our lives beyond the halls of Forks High. _

_Four years ago, we came into this school as freshmen, innocent to the ways of high school life, and in the blink of an eye we are within minutes of receiving our diplomas and we will be saying good bye each other and heading off into our individual lives. As we say goodbye though we should remember where we came from. Our fragile beginnings are the foundations to which we live and have brought us to this point. It is our interactions with each other that have brought us to this point and it time that we take the lessons we learned here in Forks High and travel into the world and apply them._

_The other day I went for a walk in the forest with a friend, and he showed me this tree, but it wasn't just a tree. It was two trees and as they grew they grew together into one. As I thought about it, I realized that they started out as small saplings, and in time, they grew and were nurtured by the sun and the rain and in time they grew and eventually grew to the point that they were side by side and then they began to twist together and in that grew into something bigger. _

_We were once saplings, we were nurtured by our family, friends, and teachers, and now we have grown into full grown trees. It is time for us to branch out into this big world and plant our own roots and show the world what we can accomplish._

_So, Class of 2004, our time has come. Its time for us to go out and seek out our dreams and reach for our stars. Though, we won't be in these halls anymore, part of us will always remain here. Just know that whether you choose to go to college or go into the workforce that you can succeed at anything you put your mind to. I wish you all the best of luck for the future and hope you find everything you want to find in your lifetime._

The room broke out into applause and I looked down to see Edward watching me and his crooked smile shined back to me along with one of his classic winks. I took my award and returned to my seat among my fellow classmates.

It was then that Ms. Kaytor stood before the podium and spoke.

"The following students have met the requirements set forth by the board of education and the state of Washington. I recommend to the board of education that they be presented their diplomas. Will the first row please rise."

As our names were called, we walked across the stage and received that slip of paper that said that we were officially graduates of Forks High School. I watched as Edward, Jasper and Rosalie crossed the stage before me, and when they called my name I felt the butterflies in my stomach as I took my diploma and shook hands with the members of the school board.

The superintendent then stood and looked out upon the class before he spoke.

"It is my honor, and privilege to present to you the graduating class of 2004, you may move your tassels."

In that moment, we moved our tassels and threw our caps into the air. We had done it! We were graduates. I looked around at my classmates to see many of them hugging one another and some crying about it being all over but I was calm. I saw Edward looking at me and his eyes seemed far away, deep in thought.

During the processional back out, I watched Jake follow me with his eyes, they were watching me as they did that day in La Push. When we exited the gym I watched more and more people begin to hug one another, saying goodbye, and it was then that I knew this was going to be happening to me in the near future. I was going to leave for college in August. I would be leaving Edward behind, and it was then that I felt the tears start to stream down my face.

I turned to see Edward standing behind me and he wrapped his strong arms around me.

"Why the tears, Jingle Bells?"

"Its over, everything is going to be changing soon," I sobbed.

"Shh, its okay. Bella, know this, I promise you that I will never change and I will never leave you. If there is one thing you can carry with you, it is that."

I pulled myself to him and sunk my face into his chest. I hoped that he was right. I hoped that nothing would ever change, but I knew it wasn't true. Things were destined to change and hopefully for the best.

We said our goodbyes to our classmates and we went back to the gym to join our families for pictures. When Edward and I came out we were caught by our families and we had to pose for pictures together and then we went off for pictures with our individual families.

"Bella…"

Turning around, I saw Jake standing behind me, a bouquet of red roses in his arms.

"These are for you," he whispered.

I took the roses and bent down to take in their incredible fragrance. "Thank you. You didn't have to."

"A beautiful woman deserves to have roses on her graduation," he said as he took my hand and placed a soft kiss on it.

"Hey Bells, who's your friend?" Asked Edward as he rushed up.

"Edward, this is Jacob Black. He's a friend of the family. Jake, this is my best friend, Edward Cullen."

I watched Jake examine Edward and he let out a little chuckle, but for what reason, I wasn't really sure. It was almost like he was checking to see who his competition was. I watched as both guys extended their hands to each other, I wondered why I had this feeling of dread at the sight of them standing there.

Edward came over to me and stood close by me. "You ready to go, Alice is about to bounce out of her seat about my gift so she wants to get out of here."

"Yeah. Let me go talk to my family for a minute and I'll be ready."

He ran off toward Alice and let me standing there with Jake. When I turned back to Jake, I could see he was examining something about me or Edward.

"He is not worthy of you Bella. That much I know. I wouldn't refuse your love."

Looking at him, I was confused to how he drew this conclusion, though so very close to the truth. "What?"

"I saw the way you looked at him, and he doesn't return the look of adoration. I would worship you Bella," he said as he took my hand is his yet again.

"Jake, it doesn't matter. You can't help who your heart falls for."

"Hopefully, one day, you will look at me that way, and I'll get to treat you as the goddess you are."

He pulled my hand to his lips again and placed another kiss on it before he turned to go back to his dad, who was talking with my parents. The sensation of his kiss on my skin couldn't be compared to the touch of Edward's swift kiss against my cheek the night of prom though.

Slipping over to talk to my parents for a moment, I told them that I was off for the Cullens, but before I left I was swept up in hugs from both of them and they told me how proud they were of me and that they loved me. They may annoy me and make me angry, but they were truly the best parents you could ask for. I handed my mom my roses and ran off to find Alice

I found Alice by the door and she drug me out to her car and threw me in the front seat with her and within minutes we were pulling into the driveway. Edward followed quickly behind us and it was then that everyone met us on the front porch. Carlisle and Esme was beaming proudly at their son as we approached. Esme pulled me into a hug and graduated me and it was then they led us through the house and out into the back yard. It was when Edward got to see his graduation present for the first time.

Sitting on the grass was his brand new Shadow. The tank had been custom painted with lavender flames against dark purple. I didn't really know a lot about motorcycles, but I was sure that it was a nice bike. It was clear that he loved it, especially since he would talk about getting one eventually. When he stepped over and sat down on it, he looked like a completely different guy, but in my eyes, he couldn't have been sexier than in that moment.

The celebration went well into the night and most of Alice and Edward's family had left and I was lying in the grass looking up at the stars.

"Can I join you?"

I turned to see Edward standing right behind me. I nodded and he sat down beside me, so I set up myself to allow me to see his eyes.

"That was some speech you gave. I didn't realize that just taking you for a walk would make you so inspired that you would say such beautiful things." He said as he looked up to the night sky.

"You inspire me a lot, Edward, you just don't realize it most of the time." It was true, even though he didn't think too much of it.

"Bella, I want you to know something, and I have never said it to you and I think you really need to know about it."

His words worried me, for what reason I didn't really know, but I was scared of what he might say, especially if it broke my heart a little more than what it already had been.

"You think you are so ordinary and that people don't notice you, but you are far from ordinary. You might think that people never saw you, but people saw you and it was that they were jealous of you that made them treat you like they did. I know you always thought you were the lucky one having me for a friend, it has never been that way, Bella. I'm the lucky one. You are a great person and I don't think you hear it enough, and I promise to let you know it any chance I can in the future."

I sat in awe of him. His words were so perfect, and not something that he would normally say to anyone and it meant more than anything for him to say those things to me, though many of them weren't necessarily true.

I felt myself yawn and I was shocked when I felt myself being lifted off the ground and I looked to meet Edward's eyes.

"What are you doing? Put me down," I squealed.

He just laughed as he walked toward the house, and I kept trying to wiggle away from his grip.

"Bella, do you really want me to drop you?" He asked.

"No, but I do want you to put me down, I can walk you know." As soon as I got the words out, I yawned again.

"You can barely keep your eyes open," he chuckled as he carried me through the house. He paused in the living room, but noticed that the couch was taken and it was then that he started to carry me up the stairs.

"Where are you taking me?"

"To my room," he stated calmly.

"What?!" _His room… what was going on here?_

"Unless you want to sleep on top of Emmett and Rose on the couch, and I don't think you really want to do that. So, I thought I would let you sleep in my bed and I'll sleep on my couch."

"My parents are expecting me home, Edward."

"Alice already called them and told them that you were staying with her."

I laughed, "You know I should actually stay with her when I tell my parents that I am staying with her. You just tend to kidnap me from her."

"You have more fun with me and you know it." His eyes shimmered with glee as he pushed his door open. He moved swiftly through the room and sat me down on his massive bed. As soon as my body reached the bed, it began to relax some and I wanted to fall asleep.

I felt Edward taking off my shoes and he quickly walked over to his dresser and pulled out a t-shirt and a pair of shorts that would be ten times my size.

"Here, you can put this on, I doubt you want to sleep in that dress." He smiled as he walked toward his bathroom and shut the door behind him.

I reached behind me and pulled down the zipper and slipped off the dress and pulled on the shirt and shorts. I took a deep breath, taking in the smell of the clothes, they smelled just like him.

"You decent?" He called from the other side of the bathroom door.

"Yeah."

He opened the door and stepped out with only a pair of shorts on. I couldn't help myself but I let my eyes drift over his chiseled features, but I quickly looked away to keep from blushing like a fool in front of him.

He grabbed one of the pillows off the bed to throw it over at the couch. It was then that he pushed me over on the bed and adjusted the covers, pulling them back. Then he reached for me and pulled me back to the place I was originally at to pull the covers up around me.

"Now, this is service," I laughed at him. He looked down at me and rolled his eyes.

"Night, Jingle Bells," he whispered as he walked over to the light to switch it off. I watched him walk through the dark room toward the couch and he grabbed his pillow and his blanket off the back of the couch to cover up with and I watched as he settled himself down to sleep.

I watched him for a while. He looked so peaceful and it distressed me so much that I would hurt him when I told him about college. I rolled over so my back was facing him and began to start to slip off into slumber…

But before I fell completely asleep I thought I heard something, but I bet it was only my imagination, because no one would ever say what I thought I heard to me…

"_Sleep well, my Bella…"_


	17. Chapter 16: Summer

Hi Everyone!!

Well, here is yet another chapter of our story. At first, I really wasn't sure if I wanted to write this chapter, but skip a little forward to get to what you guys have been waiting for, Bella telling Edward she is leaving... well I discussed it with my friend, twilightgurl22, and she said that I could write a somewhat fluffy chapter with lots of good friend moments. :)  
So, that is what you are getting, a nice fluffy chapter with some good friend moments, but I did add one thing for all you people that were wondering where Bella is headed for college. (I picked this place because I know it well and I could write about it and let you see it better in your mind.)

The Normal Ramblings: I don't own the Twilight series or its characters. Stephenie Meyer is the proud owner of them. Check out my faves and support both the authors and the individual stories. They are wonderful and they love reviews too. Please drop me a review when you are finished with the chapter. They are so nice and sweet and I love to hear what you have to say.

To the Three Amigas - You guys are wonderful, and again, I miss you Sweet Pea, and I hope when you read these when you get home that you know I was crazy not having you around to talk to and for you to update your story. twilightgurl22, I totally love you and thanks for talking to me all the time, and we truly are a pair. CARLISLE'SDARKETERNALQUEEN, you know I love ya and I miss you so much and I need to come see you. I will, but you know, not having a job cuts down my money and with gas so high, well... just know you are never far from my thoughts.

I would like to dedicate this chapter to two of my reviewers, halojones and amblovestoread. Thank you so much for your reviews and PMs. You make me laugh and think so much. Having to put thought into stuff makes things even more entertaining to me.

Okay, I am about done rambling, but I would like to place a special dedication to my late father, Norman. I know I missed getting this up before the end of Father's Day, but this chapter is for you, Dad. I miss you so much and I hope that you are proud of the things that I do.

Now, the part you are all looking forward to... the chapter...

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Chapter 16 Summer Song: Under The Sun – Sugar Ray  
Reasoning: 'Do you remember that summer that lasted so long?' This song is going to be an anthem of the fun they had during this chapter. Mostly, this song takes me back to the summer before I started college, and all the fun I had along the way. Man I totally miss that summer.

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Chapter 16: Summer

It had been a few weeks since graduation and I was totally enjoying the chance to sleep in and relax around the house. My thoughts, however, are still tainted with the lies I had to keep from my friends, especially Edward. My life was becoming a performance and it was beginning to wear on me personally, and I don't know how many times I almost slipped and told him. Thankfully, he wasn't ever paying that much attention to me and Alice wasn't around, or my secret would be out in the open for everyone to see.

So, today wasn't really that different from any other. I slowly got out of bed to find both Charlie and Renee gone so I would go to the kitchen to fix me some cereal and soon after I would crawl onto the couch with my latest book purchase. It was nice to have the quiet time, but I knew it would be short lived, especially with friends like Edward and Alice. The question always was who would get to me first.

I glanced up from my book at about ten o'clock and I started to get a little worried. Normally one of them was here by now to capture me for some kind of adventure. That is what I called them, adventures. Both of them could place me on the edge of insanity and bring me back laughing about the whole experience.

It was then that the front door burst open and there stood Edward. His hair was wind blown, and his eyes were covered with a pair of sunglasses, along with his normal clothing choices.

"Hey. You aren't ready."

I looked at him strangely. _Ready for what?_

"Come on, everyone is waiting for us," he said, trying to catch his breath.

"What are you talking about?"

"Just get some old clothes on and get back down here."

Sighing, I left my book on the coffee table and went upstairs. I pulled out my favorite pair of old jeans and an old tank top and slipped them on and I quickly pulled my hair up. After grabbing my boots, I ran downstairs to find Edward raiding my fridge for some tea when I passed by the door. Pulling my boots on, and tying them, I stood to adjust everything and quickly grabbed my keys and stood and waited for him to finish his tea.

He put his glass in the sink and was pulling me out the door before I could even speak. When I got outside, I quickly noticed that he didn't have his car, but the bike.

"I'm not getting on that thing with you," I stated, trying to keep my eyes cold.

"Come on, Bells. Even my mother has ridden with me. Do you really think that anything is going to happen to you? Would I let anything happen to you?"

Did he really ask me that? Of course I knew he wouldn't let anything happen to me, but it still made me kind of nervous to get on the back of a motorcycle with him. I knew he had to drive it like he did in a car. So that meant he would drive it insanely fast. In conclusion, the idea of getting on it with him was very scary.

"Please, Bella? Pretty please?" He asked. He was trying his best to give me Alice's puppy dog eyes, but it wasn't working that well for him. Lucky for him, I melt when he asks me to do stuff.

"You realize Charlie will kill you if I end up in a wreck, right?"

"Of course. Just know I would do everything to keep you from getting hurt. I would get hurt myself to keep you safe, Bella."

I watched him set down on the bike and he reached in one of the saddle bags and pulled out another pair of sunglasses and handed them to me. Slipping them on my face I stepped over and got on behind him.

"Hold on, Bells." He yelled before he kicked it to life.

The rumble of the bike beneath me was an amazing feeling. He moved to back it up enough and it was when I felt it begin to actually move that I wrapped my arms around his waist. I scooted up close to him and rested my head on his back, especially since I didn't want to see how fast he was actually going. I could have sworn that when I pulled myself up to him that he tensed up some, but he instantly relaxed.

I looked up after a little while and watched the normal Forks scenery fly past as he drove. It was an unusually sunny day in Washington, so it was really a beautiful day to ride. He turned up his drive. As soon as he turned it off, I climbed off and handed the glasses back to him. I turned to see the off road truck sitting outside the garage and Jasper and Emmett under the hood checking something out.

"You finished the truck?"

"Yeah, today is the first day we are taking it out. Everyone is going," he smiled, a flicker of mischief in his eyes.

"If I remember right, the last time we took a truck out, it ended up broke." My tone was solid and annoyed.

"This time if we break something it will be mine to break, not yours. Plus I want us to try something new."

When he said that he wanted to try something new, I knew it meant that it was going to be dangerous and it was likely that someone would end up hurt.

"We're ready to rumble little brother," yelled Emmett as he slammed the hood down. Both Emmet and Jasper looked ready to head out.

"Hey, Alice… Rose, we're ready to go. Get out here," yelled Jasper.

I looked up to see both of them running out of the door and they looked very unlike themselves. The normally nicely dressed women were in t-shirts and shorts. Rosalie even had her hair pulled up into a high ponytail.

When they reached their mutual partner, they wrapped them in hugs and placed gentle kisses on their lips. I turned away, feeling like I was invading on a private moment. Edward just rolled his eyes and went on about his business. He was loading down the truck with a cooler and was tying some ropes off near the front of the truck bed. _I wonder what those are for._

"Let's load up guys, and get out of here." He said as he climbed into the front seat of the truck. "Come on, Bells, I saved you a spot right next to me."

I pulled myself into the truck and slid over next to him and I was quickly followed by Alice and Rosalie. Emmett and Jasper climbed into the back. The truck roared to life when Edward turned the key. He pushed down the clutch and pushed it into first and pulled out, only slowing down to stop at the end of the drive and to turn up one of the back roads.

The road he turned onto was covered in gravel, and at first he drove slowly down it, but after about a mile or so, he slammed down on the gas and started to fly down the road, dust flying behind us. After a while, I realized that we were up in some of the local hills around Forks, which was known as a party area for the locals. He pulled into an entrance for a trail and turned off the truck. Edward climbed from the truck and everyone inside the truck followed.

"You sure you want to try this Edward? I'm up for about anything, but this even sounds a little crazy to me," stated Emmett as he wrapped his arm protectively around Rose's waist.

"Of course, but since you are concerned, I'll let you drive first so you can see it's perfectly safe."

I watched Edward's face and he was completely calm. That worried me more than anything. I knew Emmett and if he was worried, maybe we should all be. Especially since Edward could be known for his recklessness at times. I was really starting to worry that this was one of those moments. I watched as Jasper helped to pull Alice into the back of the truck, and Edward pulling himself into the truck.

"Come on, Bella," he said while extending his hand to me to pull me up as well.

"What are we doing, Edward?"

The next thing I knew, Emmett had climbed into the driver seat, with Rosalie at his side, and turned the key and was backing the truck out, while we were still standing in the truck bed! Edward grabbed me and pulled me toward the ropes near the front of the truck bed. He pulled the loop of the rope around me and he held on to it. Emmett started to shift the gears of the truck taking us faster.

"Edward!!" I squealed and I closed my eyes.

"Bella, I got you. I promise. Open your eyes," he whispered into my ear.

I opened to see Alice was standing similar to me in the truck but with her arms stretched out and Jasper holding firmly to the rope that was tied around her waist. I turned to look into Edward's eyes to see absolute joy shining back.

"We can't actually surf the oceans, but we can surf the wind," he chuckled as he held me in place.

The wind caressed our skin as Emmett drove and watched as things passed by. There were no houses around so no one saw us. The best way to describe this feeling was as if you were actually flying.

I don't know how long we were out there, but it was mind-blowing experience. We finally got back to where we started and Edward climbed back into the truck along with Alice, Rose, and me and he drove us back toward his house.

When we got back he pulled the truck to the back of the garage and everyone else went into the house. I strolled over to my couch and crashed down on it. I was staring off into space when Edward came over and sat down next to me. He pulled me over to his side and I rested on his shoulder.

"Did you have fun?"

I looked up to see the apparent amusement on his face. I rolled my eyes at him and looked away.

"Come on, Jingle Bells, you know you had fun," he said poking me in the ribs. I jerked at the contact.

"Yeah, but it was dangerous, Edward. We really could have gotten hurt."

"I'm sorry I scared you then. Just know I'll always protect you Bella, no matter how old we are, or if you are married or what. I always have, and I always will."

His words gave me a sense of security for a moment and we stayed on the couch for hours. We talked about things that we had done in the past and how he had to come have the role of being my knight in shining armor, but while we talked, my heart began to ache. For the man that I craved so much and for the friend that I knew I would be hurting eventually.

It was close to dark before we heard our friends coming toward the garage. Emmett slipped in first followed by the rest of them.

"We're thinking about starting a bonfire out behind the house and we can just hang out for a while. You two want to join us or do we need to let you guys get a room or what?" Asked Emmett playfully.

I looked to see Edward glare at him, but he said nothing back to him. Edward stood and helped me from the couch as we went toward the back yard. As we approached, I noticed the pile of timber in the fire pit and the few logs that sat around its rim. We all quickly settled down around the flames and started talking about everything from Emmett and Rose's wedding to what our plans were for the rest of the summer. I didn't really speak too much, I just listened to them bantering back and forth to each other.

It was truly an amazing experience being with them. The expression that I had been told numerous times was that your friends were the family that you got to pick out, and I realized that I had really found and picked out the best.

As the embers of the fire began to die down, everyone, with the exception of Edward and me, went to watch some movie on the big screen. We didn't speak, we just watched the small flames dancing across the slowly burning wood. It was so peaceful, and it reminded me so much of all the times that we would just listen to the world around us and just be. Nothing in the world would touch us, and we just existed with each other. One of my favorite things about this kind of time was just listening to the rhythm of his breathing and how his eyes would dance with wonder when he was either watching the flames or the stars. This was also a time that he would tell me random thoughts that would just come to his mind.

"Bella…"

"Yes," I replied without looking away from the flames.

"I wish we could stay like this forever. Completely innocent to the world, like we have been all these years, and never change. I wish we could have this always and that we didn't have to grow up and get jobs or being responsible for anything."

"It would be nice, Edward, but you know it can't be like that," I sighed as I turned to look at his features.

"Bella, can I ask you something?"

"Sure. You never have to ask Edward."

"Go for a ride with me," he stated, his eyes looking deeply into mine.

"Edward, you know I don't like riding on your bike, you seen how I acted this morning," I said as sarcastically as possible.

"You trust me, Jingle Bells. Please?"

He stood up from where he was sitting and took my hand to pull me to my feet. I almost stumbled to the ground, but Edward's strong arms wrapped themselves around me to prevent me from falling. Looking up, his eyes shone something that I had never seen there before. I knew all his looks, expressions, and actions from all the years that I had known him, but tonight, I saw something new. They looked far away but close at the same time. I wanted nothing more than to reach up and run my fingers along his face, to see how he feels beneath my fingertips and to ask him what he was thinking about.

Suddenly, he snapped back to the present. "You need to be more careful, Bella. There may be a time that we aren't together and I won't be able to catch you."

The words cut me, but he had no idea how badly they did. He saw them as completely innocent words but within a few months he really wouldn't be within reach of me and wouldn't be able to catch me. I wouldn't be able to get in my truck and go over to his house, watch movies or hang out in the garage with him. I would be thousands of miles away at college and I knew that I would be lost without him, but I wasn't going to let that fear keep me from this opportunity. I was going to get out of Forks, even if it was only for a little while.

"So, ride with me?" He asked again.

"No fast driving, Edward. I want to arrive alive."

"Sure thing, Jingle Bells, anything for you."

We went inside and told everyone that we were leaving and to watch the fire since it was dying down. He led the way to his bike and again, he sat down and handed me some glasses to keep myself from being hit in the eye with bugs. I slowly wrapped my arms around him and he kicked it to life and it roared as we took off down the drive.

Riding with Edward in the day was something, but at night it was a completely different experience, almost magical. The lights that shined outside of people's homes flashed as we rode past them and the stars shimmered and twinkled above us, covering us in their heavenly beauty. I settled myself against his warm body and watched everything fly past. I concentrated on his breathing, and listened to the rumble of the engine beneath us.

Honestly, I didn't know how long we rode, but he slowed to a stop at the edge of this open field. The only thing I was sure of was that we were down a country road, in the middle of nowhere.

He climbed off, helped me from the bike, and then led me out into the middle of it. I looked around and noticed that there were no lights from houses here, that the only light around us was the stars that sparkled above us. This was a sight that you didn't find very often either.

"This place is amazing, Edward. When did you find it?"

"I went out driving the night I finally got my license to drive my bike and I drove until I ended up here. I thought it was nice since you can't see anything but the natural beauty of the sky."

My eyes went to the heavens and watched as the twinkling spheres shine down on us. It was then that Edward reached out and touched me.

"Bella, you still seem to be bothered by something. You want to talk about it?"

"No, not now. Not on this perfect night. Let it go, Edward. Please, for me…" I begged.

His emerald orbs let me see how worried he really was about me. "Alright. Just know that when you are ready, I'm always here for you."

He pulled me down and we stretched out under the stars for a while. I watched the sky and it was when I saw a streak of light flash across the sky.

"Edward, look… it's a shooting star!"

"Make a wish, Bella," he leaned to my ear to whisper.

I closed my eyes and in that moment I wished to dance with him like I did at the prom. I wanted nothing more than to have him hold me against his warm body, to feel the tingling sensation that his hands caused against my skin. The best part would be to share that moment under the blanket of stars flickered above us. I knew it was a pointless wish, but that was the one thing that I wanted… no, I craved.

"You going to tell me what you wished for?" He asked as he playfully poked my side.

I laughed and tried to roll away from him, but he came after me, tickling me the whole time.

"Stop… it… Edward," I said between the giggles and laughter.

He stopped and let his eyes stare into mine. Even in the natural darkness, I could still see their brilliant shade of green shining back at me.

"Tell me," he said, firmly, making my body shutter.

It was almost like he was ordering me to talk. To tell him all about this dream, the dream that was filled with an innocent fantasy. Suddenly, I realized that I didn't have to tell him my wish, I just had to have enough courage to ask for my wish to come true.

"Edward, dance with me." My voice sounded weak, but he smiled at my request.

"We don't have any music though," he stated as he stood in front of me.

"I know you still have all those songs you used to play on the piano in your head, I hear you humming them once in a great while."

He chuckled as I stood and he wrapped his arms around me.

Pulling myself close to his strong body, I wrapped my arms around his neck and he began to hum one of his personal favorites. I enjoyed this moment. Forgetting everything that worried me… telling my friends that I would be leaving in August for college in Illinois and that I wouldn't be coming back very much until I was finished with my degree, or the fact that I knew my heart would break all over again as soon as I left this wonderful guy that would always have my heart.

He stopped humming when he finished the song, and he looked down at me again. The expression on his face was similar to the night of the prom, and it still captivated me completely. His face softened and he smiled at me slightly.

"I think I better get you home, Bells. I don't want Charlie to send out the hounds looking for you."

We walked back over to the bike and we were quickly off into the night. When he pulled up in front of my house, I noticed that Charlie wasn't home, and that was a good thing, since I wasn't really sure how well he would take to me riding with Edward on his motorcycle.

"I'll catch you tomorrow, right?" I asked as I climbed from the bike.

"Yeah, I think the girls want to kidnap you for wedding stuff though, but we'll hang out tomorrow night. Promise."

Wedding stuff, and that meant, bridesmaid dresses, invitations, food, cake, and so many other things that I didn't want to think about. The feeling of absolute dread washed over my good mood and changed it to complete distress. Edward must have noticed the immediate change in my disposition, because he reached out to touch me, to comfort me for the moment.

"It won't be that bad, Bella. I'll see you tomorrow." He kicked the bike to life and I watched him ride off into the night.

Groaning, I headed for the house to dwell on the horrors that waited me tomorrow, though the events of the day were still present. They brought a smile to my face. Even with all of our crazy or interesting adventures, I got to be with Edward, even if it was in a friend capacity.

One thing I was sure of… I was going to enjoy this summer. I was going to take in all the time I could with him. I would make the memories that I could and would always treasure, and no matter how things turned out with us, I would be happy with what I got. For my memories of him, were precious and would be the ones that I would never forget.


	18. Chapter 17: The Joining Of Souls

Hi Everyone.

Another new chapter for you. This chapter has lots of personal experiences in it. I'll laugh with you about it toward the end of the chapter.

The Normal Stuff: The Twilight series and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Support the stories and authors on my fave lists.

Please drop me a review when you are done with the chapter. I have been getting really great reviews and I love to read and answer them. Yes, I read them all and answer them. My theory is that if you review, the least I can do is reply back. :)

To my three Amigas - love you guys. twilightgurl22, I did something kinda special in this chapter for you. I was just thinking about you today and I thought, "Hey you can do this for her..." Well you will see when you read the chapter. Sweet Pea, still miss you and I am counting the days until you get back and you can update your story and talk to me again. CARLISLE'SDARKETERNALQUEEN, well, what can I say about you that I haven't. I love ya my Sunshine, from your Pookie Monster. lol

halojones... you know the drill chick. Get to work on that trade. lol

I dedicate this chapter to my reviewers... thats right, all of you. Even you e-cookie getters. You guys are just way too kind to me. You just make me smile and giggle all the time and my friends and family think I am absolutely insane when they pass by my door and see me laughing at the computer. Thank you guys so much from the bottom of my heart. You rock!

Now, on with the story...

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Chapter 17 The Joining Of Souls Song - Like Red On A Rose - Alan Jackson  
Reasoning: This is just a moving song. It personifies love. If you have never heard the song you should. (Yes I have a thing for country music, but I think they have some of the best lyrics and points out there.)

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Chapter 17: The Joining Of Souls

**One Month To The Wedding**

The third weekend of July. She was insane. Completely and totally insane. Rosalie thought she could pull a wedding together in a month. She was crazy. Crazy!

I watched as Rosalie and Alice sat around the dinning room table at the Cullen house and both of them were flipping through those massive bridal magazines and a binder of possible invitations from the local printer.

I really wasn't much help when it came to planning a wedding. This was Alice's thing. I would have killed to be hiding in the garage with the guys, but no, that couldn't happen since I was a member of the bridal party. I had to help with the wedding plans, even though I was actually no help to them at all.

Rosalie told us that she couldn't make a choice for a maid of honor so she chose to let both Alice and I to be equals in the wedding. She had a cousin coming in from Minnesota that was going to be in the wedding as well, but it was up to Alice and me to keep Rosalie calm and on track.

Emmett just stayed out of the way when it came to the wedding plans, and it was probably for the best actually. Both Jasper and Edward were standing up with him along with one of his college friends. I heard Emmett talking to his friend and he told Emmett that he wanted to walk with me in the wedding since he wanted to have a chance to "get with me." Edward didn't like his friend's comment too much and he told Emmett if he let that pervert near me that he would have to kill Emmett and break Rosalie's heart. Let's just say, that I am walking with Edward now and said friend is walking with the cousin from Minnesota.

"I really like this invitation, but I don't know if I like how it folds," complained Rosalie as she pointed down at the sample.

"You should go for something classier, Rose. Maybe this one," said Alice as she pointed to another sample.

_Please, God, have mercy on me. I don't know how much more I can take of this wedding stuff._

"What do you think, Bella? Should I get the ivory with the calligraphy or the white with the script?"

I looked really dumbfounded when she asked that question. I glanced down at the cardstock and frowned, since I really had not idea what to say.

"If it was me, I would pick the white with the script. Sometimes the calligraphy isn't very clear to read."

Both Rose and Alice turned back to the samples and continued to talk about them like wasn't even there. As I listened to them, they concluded that I was right. They got on the phone to the printers and told them to start on them immediately and that they would be by to pick them up sometime next week. I was hoping that this disaster was going to be the end of the wedding horrors for one day, so I stood quietly, and tried to slip out of the dinning room.

"Where do you think you are going, Missy?"

I turned around to see my pixie-like friend standing there with her hands on her hips. I put on my most innocent looking smiles and hoped for the best.

"I was going to go out and see what the boys were up to…" I said, sheepishly.

"We have an appointment at the bridal shop to pick out dresses today," her voice was filled with irritation.

"Bella, this is for me. I'm your friend and you told me that you would help me," Rosalie stated, trying to look hurt so that I would fold.

I hated it when they tag teamed me. All they had to do was look at me or say something that made me feel bad and I would fold like a poker player. I really needed to start to hold my cards closer to my chest in hopes of staying in the game longer.

It was then that the grease covered boys entered the house and saw the confrontation that was going on between the three of us.

"Looks like your woman is getting attacked in there, Eddie," Emmett punched Edward as he said that.

"Shut up, Emmett."

Emmett laughed as he went in and acted like he was going to sweep Rosalie into a hug. She started to squeal that he was dirty and she didn't want to change, but she leaned in to place a kiss on his lips. Jasper did the same thing, but I just stood next to my friend, both of us watching them flirt back and forth with each other.

"So, what are you doomed to do now?"

I turned to see Edward's annoyed look, especially since he wanted us to watch a movie tonight, but it wasn't looking promising.

"Dress shopping."

"Ouch, I really feel sorry for you, Bells."

"I'm glad that you do, but it isn't going to help the situation," I muttered as I leaned over on him.

"Come on, Bella, we're going to be late," yelled Alice as she grabbed my hand and led me out to Rosalie's car.

I looked back to see the boys waving at me and yelling good luck to me. I needed the luck. That much I was sure of.

I listened to them talk from the Cullen house to the bridal shop in Port Angeles. As we entered the store, I realized that I was officially surrounded by puffy white dresses and that I was going to have to try on tons of bridesmaid dresses until Rosalie was satisfied with our dresses. I was in for a long afternoon and night.

The clerk was very attentive and was doing everything in her power to make Rose happy and it was a good thing. I really wanted to keep her from becoming a complete witch during this process.

Alice and I watched as Rose tried on dress after dress. We praised her beauty and kept track of the dresses that were being considered and the ones that weren't in the running. After about two hours though, I really didn't care anymore.

I glanced over the room and it was when I saw a very stunning wedding dress on one of the mannequins. I walked over and I would have sworn it had been made for Rosalie to wear… It was very form fitted with a very elegant train. The bodice was covered in a very stylish beading pattern.

"Rose, why don't you try this one on?" I asked. I knew she was becoming frustrated.

She walked over toward my voice and it was then that she laid eyes on the dress. Her hands caressed the satin material that it was made of. As her hands moved down the cloth, she smiled softly.

The clerk took it down and then handed it over to Rosalie. Alice and I waited on the bench just outside of the dressing room while she put the dress on. When the curtain rustled, we both looked up to see Rose stepping out, the dress hugging her perfectly. She walked slowly over to the mirrors to examine herself. If I hadn't have known it, I would have sworn on everything to say that dress was made for her. Looking at her eyes, I began to see her happy tears.

"This is the most beautiful dress ever," she stuttered as she wiped away the tears.

"I think we'll take the dress." Alice stated as she began to talk about the necessary accessories.

Quickly after Rosalie removed the dress, Alice and I began the process of trying on dresses and lucky for us, we found dresses quickly and I actually liked mine, with the exception that it was watermelon colored. So the dresses were quickly ordered and we would come back for all the necessary adjustments before the wedding. I was just thankful to be getting out of the bridal store.

When we arrived back at the Cullen house, the boys were sitting in the living room watching TV, and luck for me, Alice and Rosalie released me for the day, but told me to be ready to go out tomorrow. So, I climbed onto the couch next to Edward and he wrapped an arm around me.

"You look horrible," he stated, not caring that he might hurt my feelings.

"You spend another day shopping for dresses with them two and see how you would feel about it."

He chuckled as he pulled me closer. We really didn't talk that day, but it was just nice getting to spend what little time I could with him. Especially since it was becoming really hard to see him now with all the wedding planning going on and I had to spend my time with Rose and Alice.

I guess I fell asleep on the couch because when I woke up, I had a blanket wrapped around me. Sighing, I rolled back over and fell back asleep, wishing that I could run and hide from the wedding planners, but I already knew that would be a lost cause.

**Friday Before The Wedding**

I kept thinking about everything that had led up to this day. Alice and I planned a really nice girls' night out a week ago today, but we couldn't do anything too wild since we were all under age. The boys, on the other hand, had their night out the same night and well, they had a little too much fun. All three of them had too much to drink and I had to go rescue them and keep them from driving. The boys really should appreciate me and feel lucky that I am their friend because they would have been in so much trouble with their girlfriends if they ever found out.

Now, I was about to loose my mind with all the stuff that I had to do and I didn't have enough time to get it done.

"Bella, are you going to be okay?"

Edward had taken to watching me constantly for the last few days, especially since I was about to stress myself out. I had spent most of my time with Alice trying to decorate for the reception. Alice had now left me alone with Edward to help Rosalie with some of her stuff.

"I'm fine, at least I think so," muttered as I was trying to cover the tables, and decorate them as I went.

He grabbed me by the shoulders and stared deeply into my eyes.

"You need to calm down. This isn't your wedding, Bella. Its Rose's and she can handle some of the stuff herself, right?"

"Edward, she still has to pick up the rest of the decorations, talk to the lady making the cake, and go pick up all the dresses for the wedding and have them stored in the church for tomorrow," stating, almost running out of breath in the process.

"Where is Alice and Rose's cousin, Heather?" He asked looking around the room realizing that we were the only ones there working.

"Alice is with Rose and Heather will meet us at the church for rehearsal."

"Okay, make a deal with me. I'll help you finish this stuff up, but then we get done you have to go out with me for a few hours so you can calm down and I will have you back at the church in time for rehearsal."

_Finish up and spend the afternoon with Edward or stay here and be put to work on some other random chore? I think I will take option one._

"Alright, but we got hurry or we'll both be stuck here all day."

Within an hour, Edward and I had the whole hall decorated to our best abilities. The tables were covered in the watermelon colored table cloths along with white candles and iridescent glitter. We even decorated the cake table so the only thing it would need was the cake and the cake lady would be bringing it by tomorrow morning. When we looked around and saw that there was nothing else that needed to be done, we got out of there.

We quickly got on his motorcycle and we were off to no telling where. We rode for about an hour when we showed up in a town similar to Forks and we stopped in a local restaurant. Ordering a chicken sandwich and some fries, I began to finally take a breath and relax, pushing the wedding from my mind.

"You feel better now?"

I looked to see Edward's classic crooked grin and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Yeah, I really needed this, thanks."

"No problem, Jingle Bells."

Sighing I closed my eyes for a minute, allowing myself to clear my thoughts. There were just too many things going on in my head. I had recently called Kat and she had told me that she was going to rent this apartment near the university and that I wouldn't have to live in the dorms, but with her. I was really looking forward to everything, but I still hadn't brought myself to tell Edward or anyone else that I would be leaving in a matter of weeks. Add in the stress of helping Rosalie with her wedding, it was making things even more complicated. I knew that I needed to bite the bullet and tell everyone, but it just never seems to be the best time to tell them.

"Earth to Bella."

I looked up to see that our food had arrived and that Edward was already taking a bite out of his barbeque sandwich. We talked about the wedding and how nervous Emmett was and I asked him how he felt about having Rosalie for a sister. Nothing too important, I wanted to keep the conversation light, because I knew I would be taking a chance of something important slipping out before I wanted it to if the conversation got too heated.

I looked at my watch to see that we had to get back to the church for rehearsal. So Edward paid our bill, much to my dissatisfaction, and we were headed back to Forks. When we pulled up in front of the church, I examined the building carefully. The church was huge. It had many stained glass windows depicting different scenes, and it brick exterior was very classic. I actually dreamed of having my wedding here. This was church where Charlie married Renee, Carlisle married Esme, and now Emmett was marrying Rosalie. This was the place that Alice would have her wedding to Jasper, and even Edward… whenever he picked a bride. It was just a tradition for the people of Forks, and it was going to be in my future, if I ever found someone that loved me enough to marry me.

"Come on, Bells, Rose is going to murder us if we don't get in there soon."

He reached for my hand and I felt the normal electric current that pulsed through my body when he touched me. He never released my hand. As we walked into the church, I thought how strange it was to be going into a place like this… hand in hand.

"Come on, you're late," yelled Alice from the doorway.

We were quickly told how everything was supposed to happen tomorrow. Heather and Emmett's friend, Jordan, were going to be the first to enter the church, followed by Alice and Jasper, and finally Edward and I. Heather's little sister was going to be the flower girl and the Cullen's small cousin, Travis, was going to be the ring barer.

I stood beside Edward as we waited our turn and I turned to see Rosalie talking quietly with her father. It was evident from the expression on her face, she was ready for this. She had been waiting for this moment her entire life.

"You will get this moment one day."

My face turned crimson as I turned to look at my friend. He smiled down at me and I said nothing. I couldn't tell him that I didn't think it would ever be possible, since it was only him that I dreamed about marrying.

"It's our turn. Come on."

He extended his arm to me and we walked slowly into the church and took our places, mine to be near Rosalie and his to beside Emmett. Rosalie walked in and even in her regular clothes, she was stunning. Emmett couldn't take his eyes off her as she walked toward him. The reverend talked to the couple about the vows and how things would go tomorrow during the ceremony.

Within an hour, the rehearsal was over and we were headed over to the Hales for dinner. The rest of the night was very uneventful, but I knew that the day ahead was going to be one that would either be completely insane… or one that I would never forget.

**The Wedding Day**

My hair was being pulled in every direction and was being sprayed and curled. The stylist was pinning up strands of hair and I just closed my eyes and hoped for the best. I could feel her twisting pieces up and pinning small pink flowers in my hair. I glanced over to see Alice having her hair sprayed with glitter and Heather having her flowers placed in her hair, while Rosalie was having her hair pulled up in long blonde curls, along with her tiara and veil.

By noon, our hair was all done. Heather and Alice had a couple of errands to run before we had to meet at the church. I was going with Rosalie to get something to eat. We made a quick trip to our favorite fast food place and went into the store, our wedding hair and all. We had a lot of really strange looks from the people that were already in the restaurant. I couldn't say that I didn't feel a little strange having all the people looking at us, but I knew it would be over soon.

We ordered our food and sat near the front. Rosalie began to open her sandwich when I had to ask her a question.

"You ready for this, Rose?"

"I have never been more ready for anything in my life, Bella," she said, her voice full of joy and excitement. "How are you though? You seem distracted. More than you normally are."

"I'm fine. Just a lot of stuff on my mind. Today is your day though, you don't have to worry about me."

"Bella, you have to think I am crazy not to notice that you have been stressing about something, and I am going to bet it is my soon to be brother-in-law that is causing you the problems."

Turned my attention to the food that was lying on my tray, I tried to ignore her last comment.

"Bella, I know you love Edward, we all do, but don't let him break you. He really isn't worth your time. I know he loves you too, but if he can't get his act together he doesn't really deserve you in the first place, right?"

"I guess."

"Bella, I haven't mentioned this to anyone, but I know you are hiding something else and it has nothing to do with Edward. I don't know what it is, but I want you to know that you can trust me. I know that we haven't always been real close, but you are my friend, and I don't want anything to happen to you and I will do everything in my power to help you if you need me. Okay?"

"Thanks Rose."

We quickly finished our food and threw away our trash and headed to the church. Slipping in through a side entrance, we went into the bridal room and began to pull on our dresses. Each bridesmaid had a dress that was a little different from everyone else's. Heather's dress was strapless, and cut above the knees, and the waist accented with a ribbon in a pale pink. Alice's dress was very Alice-like in appearance. It wrapped around her body and draped chiffon material to her feet.

As soon as I got into my dress, I stepped out into the hallway outside of the bridal room while Heather and Alice helped Rosalie get into her dress.

"You look beautiful."

I turned to see Edward standing in a silken tuxedo, examining me.

My dress was a simple satin ball gown. I wanted to be simple, and this dress was simple yet it had lots of class.

"Thanks. Is it about time?"

"Yeah," he laughed as he walked toward the double doors to enter the church's sanctuary.

I followed behind him and I could hear Rosalie finishing up behind me.

Everyone was ready in the hall outside of the sanctuary when the church's wedding coordinator came out to tell us it was time to line up to go into the church. I stood next to Edward quietly, waiting for our cue to go into the church.

The music began and the ushers pulled open the doors, and Heather and Jordan went into the church, and were followed closely by Alice and Jasper. Edward and I waited for our cue from the coordinator and we began to walk into the church. I looked out to see all of our friends and family watching and I prayed that I wouldn't fall. As soon as we all reached our places, the ushers closed the double doors. I turned to look at Emmett and I could see the smile on his face, the excitement in his eyes. He was waiting for his bride.

The doors opened again and there stood Rosalie. The dress looked even more stunning on her than the day she tried it on. With white roses in her arms and her father by her side, she began the walk toward Emmett and on to her future with him.

The wedding was very traditional. The vows that they spoke were very beautiful and spoke of all the love that they had shared and the love to come. How they were meant to be and that nothing would ever take away the love that they had for each other. I began to wonder if Edward hadn't helped Emmett with his vows since he used such eloquent words to tell Rose of his love for her, but after he made a joke about her falling in the mud, I knew it was all Emmett.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to present to you for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Emmett Cullen."

The people in attendance stood and applauded the newlyweds and the recessional began. Everyone in the bridal party filed out and waited to greet the guests. Not long after that was over, we gave the couple a proper send off with bubbles filling the air.

Edward took my hand and led me to his car and we were quickly off to the hall for the reception.

"Glad that is over, aren't you?"

"Yeah, I don't like the whole dress thing at all."

"Look at it this way, Bells, you don't have to do this again for a while, unless you get married or Alice does."

I shook my head and we rode in silence the rest of the way to the hall. When we arrived, we quickly took our seats at the head table. The DJ was playing music while we waited for Emmett and Rose to arrive. The happy couple arrived a few minutes after we did and soon after, dinner was served.

The dinner finished and the DJ announced that it was time for the toasts and since there was not official best man or maid of honor someone had to get up and say something. It surprised me when Edward stood and went over to the microphone and began to speak.

"I have known these two for as long as I can remember and I have never seen a time that they weren't looking at each other adoringly, or playing jokes on one another. That is the kind of love we all look for. A love so pure and so innocent. To my brother and new sister, I wish you all the luck and love the world may offer you and may you have many happy years together. Cheers."

Everyone took a sip of their sparkling ciders. Both Alice and Heather began to stare at me and I knew it was up to me to go up there and speak. I took my glass with me and took the microphone.

"When I moved here, I was scared and these people took me in and made me one of them. Emmett was this massive teddy bear and Rosalie was a very strong and determined person, bent on protecting those that she cares about. In time I got to see them together and see how much they truly love one another. That is something that you don't across often. Their love could be something for the ages, for they personify love. To you, Emmett and Rose, I wish you all the blessings the world can offer and my love and hope for a beautiful and loving future."

The group took another sip of their drinks and it was then that it was announced that the new couple would have their first dance. They stepped out onto the floor and it was then that they began to sweep around the dance floor. I watched as their eyes sparkled back and forth and how much love radiated between the two. Soon the bridal party was asked to join them on the floor and Edward came over and helped me to my feet and led me out onto the floor.

His arms wrapped around me and I laid my head against his right shoulder, and I felt him lay his head against mine and we swayed with the music. This dance was so similar to those that I had already shared with him, but so different as well. Like always, I never wanted the moment to end, I wanted nothing more than this moment to go on forever and to be here with him always, but I knew it would only last until the music ended.

The music did come to an end and they cut the cake, and Emmett tried to push the cake in Rose's face, but ended up with more cake on his face than in his mouth. Emmett then brought out a chair and removed the garter and well, Edward was the lucky guy to catch it. When it came time for Rose to throw the bouquet, I tried to slip out of the room, but Alice grabbed me and drug me back to the center of the room.

"Ready everyone?" Rosalie smiling as she turned back to all the unmarried women.

The bouquet left her hands and all I could see that there were hands flying in front of my face and I didn't even try, for I had no interest in catching the bouquet. It was when I moved my hands in front of me that the bouquet fell into my hands and I felt the blood drain from my face.

"Congrats, Bells, you are the next one to get hitched," exclaimed Alice while she danced around me.

Everyone was clapping and I turned to see Edward staring at me, Rose's garter on his arm. I blushed and turned away before I made an even bigger fool out of myself. It was funny that Edward and I caught the symbols that we would be the next people to get married.

The rest of the night was just as much fun. We danced and danced, laughed until we cried and had another one of those times that would be very memorable for all of us. The looks of love between both Emmett and Rosalie were just the most beautiful sight and I was so happy for them. These two souls were meant to be joined as one.

As I watched everyone though, I had this feeling of dread. It was almost like I knew something was on the horizon waiting for us, and nothing good would ever come from it. I turned out to the group of my friends. The newlyweds… the pixie and the love of her life… and Edward, the one I loved so much. Something was going to happen and it was going to tear us all apart at the seams.

* * *

The irony is that I have been to a fast food restaurant in 'wedding hair' along with my friend who had her veil and tiarra in. Lots of strange looks. Fun, but strange. And yes, I caught the bouquet at the wedding too. The weirdest part is that I had to go to another wedding the following Saturday and I caught another bouquet. I'm a little worried. Two bouquets in two weeks... strange stuff there.

Remember, review.

Lots of love,  
_EclipseoftheTwilightMoon_


	19. Chapter 18: Saying Goodbye

Hello Everyone yet again.

This is the chapter that you all have been waiting for and in turn I have been stressing myself out about it. I actually wrote this chapter after I posted the last one. I wrote the whole thing in about two hours and was over ten pages long. I was kind of on this emotional thing and it just came to me I guess. Problem was when I finished it, I was scared to reread it. Funny, huh? I guess that is what you get when you are writing from three in the morning to five. It took me all day to proofread the thing once so I sent it over to my friend, twilightgurl22, so she could help me out with it. (Mostly to see if she thought it fit will with the rest of the story) She gave me the okay, after she yelled at me on the phone about it for a while. So I went back through it a couple of times and it is how it is now.

I want you to know that I am terrified about this chapter. I am covered in fear. So I hope that you guys like it and understand that I tried really hard for this. Know that I sobbed and cried the entire time I wrote this chapter and everytime I tried to proofread it.

The Normal Stuff: The Twilight series and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Support the authors and stories on my fave lists. They are really good.

Please review. I love them so much and will answer you when you review. It might take me a few minutes to get to it, but I will. Promise

To the Three Amigas - totally love you so much. You are just wonderful friends and I will always treasure you. halojones, this your trade and be ready with the tissue box.

I dedicate this chapter to you, twilightgurl22. Thank you for listening to me when I am crazed and about to stress myself out like I was last night and for being my sister in every sense of the word. Congrats on your good news too. Yes, I will try to learn the dance for you. There is few people that I would do that for and even wear a dress for... you are special in ever way. I love ya.

Now, on with the story...

* * *

Chapter 18 Saying Goodbye Song: Leaving On A Jet Plane – Chantal Kreviazuk  
Reasoning: This song could totally be Bella's theme song for this chapter and how she feels about everything. It's just a moving song and maybe some of the lyrics don't fit, but it is a great song anyway.

* * *

Chapter 18: Saying Goodbye

Emmett and Rosalie were gone on their honeymoon. Alice and Jasper were constantly together and I really didn't know what was going on with Edward since I never see him anymore. I spend most of my time at home on the couch with my latest book choice. I can't help but be curious to where Edward is and what he is doing though.

I asked Alice the other day about it, but she was just as confused about it as I was. The fact was Edward was being rather secretive lately. Maybe I didn't notice it that much because I was so busy with Rosalie and helping her with her wedding, but now I knew something was going on.

"Hey, Bells."

I looked up to see Charlie coming into the living room from work. He looked a little more worn out than normal.

"You okay, Dad? You're home early."

"I'm fine. Just finished up early. How are you doing, honey?"

"Just thinking. Mostly I am thinking about the fact that I am going to Seattle in two days to fly to St. Louis and that I still can't bring myself to tell my friends that I am leaving."

"You know you can't keep this a secret much longer. Honestly, Bells, I am surprised that Edward hasn't figured this out yet."

Charlie was right. Edward should have known something was bugging me, but he hadn't even noticed.

"I don't know what his deal is lately. I hardly see him. Alice says that he is vague about stuff all the time and she never sees him either. So I don't know."

"You seem like you are harboring some hostility against him lately," he said as he sat down in his recliner.

"Maybe… I don't know. I just know I am about ready to go crazy. I have been packing stuff to ship to the apartment and then I have to pack the stuff that I am taking on the plane. I am just so worried about stuff and…"

"You don't want to say goodbye to your best friend."

Sighing, I looked over to the dark eyes of my father and I realized that I hadn't really talked to him like this in a really long time.

"Dad, can I tell you something?"

"Of course, sweetie. You know I will always listen to you." Charlie turned to where he was looking at me and nothing else.

"I'm scared, Dad. I'm scared that I am going to fail at this and that I will have to come home with my tail between my legs or I go there and I like it and I'll end up wanting to stay there."

"That's nothing to be afraid of Bella. We all feel this way sometimes. I think part of your problem is that you have depended on your mom and me and your friends so much that you don't think you can go out there and do this. Baby, you can do this and you are going to be able to tell them that you are leaving and that you will be back sometime soon."

I knew Charlie was right. I could do this, but it still didn't settle my fears completely. I knew that telling everyone was inevitable but it still worried me. In just a few days, I would be leaving everything familiar behind and starting again in a place that I used to call home years ago.

"Bella, this is my best advice to you. I was going to tell this when you graduated but I got busy with stuff and you had things going on, but know one thing. You think that you are going to go out and change the world, but, sweetie, it is going to be the world that changes you. Just know that you can make a difference, even if it's not a big change, but let these changes come and become the woman that you are destined to be."

I stood up and went over and wrapped my arms around the man I called my father. There were days that I never saw all the wisdom that resides within him and he did have a lot of wisdom to share.

"I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, Bells."

I went upstairs and pulled my pajamas on and slipped onto my bed with my book when I heard my phone starting to sing. I picked it up to see Edward's name flashing at me.

"Hey you."

"_Hey, Jingle Bells. Have you been looking for me? Alice told me that you have been driving her crazy with questions to my whereabouts."_

"Yeah, you seem to be MIA a lot anymore. What's going on Edward?"

"_I would rather not tell you on the phone, Bells. I was planning on telling everyone when Emmett and Rosalie got back from their honeymoon. I heard from Em today and he said they will be back tomorrow sometime. So, do you want to come over and hear the news?"_

"Yeah, sure. Should I be worried about anything?"

"_Nope. I don't think so. I'll catch you tomorrow then, J.B."_

"Night, Edward."

I snapped my phone closed and I sat there in silence. I pulled off my glasses and sat them by my book on my nightstand and finally clicked off my lamp. I pulled the covers up close and looked out the window. I don't know when but I fell asleep not long after that.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

When I woke up the next morning, I hurt and I wanted nothing more than to stay in bed, but I had more packing to do. I crawled out of bed and headed to the kitchen to find my mother cooking and she sat down a plate of breakfast in front of me.

"Eat up, Bella." Her voice full of joy and cheerfulness.

"Thanks Mom."

"Your welcome, honey. Do you need any help with packing or anything else?"

"Nope. I'm just going to pack a few more clothes in my suit cases and box up my books to be shipped and that is about it. I'm about done with everything."

I finished my breakfast and put my plate down in the sink before I went upstairs to change for the day. Within an hour or so I had most of my stuff packed up and most of the boxes downstairs. I knew the stuff that I didn't take and I would eventually come to miss would be sent to me whenever I realized that I didn't have it. When I walked back into my room I looked around to see how bare it actually was.

I couldn't help but remember the day that I moved in when I was still in the third grade and that I remembered playing with dolls on the floor with Alice and that I painted a spot on the wall with finger nail polish that said that I loved some random boy back in junior high.

The fact was that my life was on track for a change and it was only a matter of time before I had to tell everyone that I was going to be leaving them. The person I feared the most was Edward.

I knew I had done a horrible thing by telling them that I was going to the local community college, but I didn't want them to dwell on the fact that I would be leaving them or they would want to do something for me before I left, and I really didn't want that to happen either since I frowned on attention in the first place.

I knew that Carlisle and Esme would be sad to see me go, but they would love to see me go out into the world beyond Forks. Emmett and Rosalie would accept my choice no matter what I chose to do. Alice would be upset that I left her in the dark about my choice and that Jasper would side with Alice no matter what was said or done. Edward on the other hand, I wasn't sure what he would think.

I never hid anything from Edward. He was my sanctuary and my rock. He was my stable force and I craved him so much, though I would never tell him to his face. By hiding this from him, I feel as if I have done the cruelest thing possible to him. The feeling that I had broken his trust in me haunted my heart since I made my choice all those months ago.

I don't know how long I sat there on the foot of my bed, but I finally got up and went down the stairs to see that both my parents were gone and I decided that I would go for a walk around Forks, while I still had the chance to do it. It was muggy and it was like the air was thick and was sticking to my skin.

My mind traveled down the streets of my youth and I thought back to all the memories that I made along the way. I walked past the grade school and I walked out to the playground and sat down in that swing that put my life in Forks into motion. I felt myself pushing myself in the swing and I glanced over toward the kickball field to imagine my friends as they were that day. Mostly I saw Edward in my mind. I couldn't help but feel sad that I was going to be saying goodbye to my youth, my life in Forks, my parents, my friends, and Edward.

I stood and walked past the local restaurant, the high school, the library, and every other place in town that held a memory for me. Even the insignificant ones were flashing through mind, making me miss the place and I hadn't even left yet.

My trip down memory lane was stopped when I heard my phone ringing from my pocket. I pulled it out and flipped it open.

"Hello."

"_Hey, little cousin. How's it going on your end?"_

"Hey, Kat. I'm making it, I guess. You?"

"_Ready for you to get here. Its kind of lonely being in this place by myself. Anyway, I got some of your stuff today and I went ahead and put it in your room, hope you don't mind."_

"No, that's fine." My voice rang with uncertainty.

"_Hey, what's wrong?"_

"Nothing," I lied.

"_You are lying to me. Tell me now or I am going to call Aunt Renee and find out what is going on with you."_

"I haven't told anyone that I am leaving yet and I am going to have to tell them tonight."

"_Bella, you shouldn't have waited this long to tell them. Hey, I have to go, Autumn is here and she wants to see the place. See you tomorrow night when I pick you up at the airport."_

"Alright, tell Autumn I said hey. Talk to you tomorrow."

"_Bye, Bells. See ya."_

I heard the line go dead and I shut my phone. _Tomorrow I was leaving Forks._

I was about to put my phone back in my pocket and continue my walk when I heard it ring again and I pulled it out to see 'Edward' flashing at me.

"Hello Edward."

"_Hey, are you available in about an hour?"_

"Yeah, I guess. I'm out walking around and I have to get back to the house before I can head your way."

"_I'll see ya then. Later, Bells."_

The line went dead as soon as he quit talking to me. _That is really strange._

I headed back toward the house and I ran in the house before I left to tell Renee that I was headed to the Cullen's. Turning the key to my truck, it roared to life and I cranked up the radio and I let lit blare as I drove toward Edward's.

All the Cullen vehicles were in the drive and I pulled in behind Alice's car and slipped the truck into park. I pocketed my keys and headed for the front door. Esme met me at the door and when I entered the living room I was greeted by returning newlyweds. I asked where Edward was when I came in and they told me he was up in the shower and would be down in a bit.

Edward finally descended the stairs in his normal fashion and normal Edward appearance. He settled himself on the couch and was talking like crazy until he heard the doorbell ring.

"I'll get it."

He rushed from the room and I could hear him talking from the hallway and it was a woman's voice I could hear him speaking to. A moment later, he walked back into the room hand in hand with a woman. She was tall with flowing blonde hair and really could be comparable to Rosalie, if she didn't have a very cold look in her eyes.

"Everyone, I would like to introduce to you Tanya Mason… my girlfriend."

Everyone in the room was in utter shock. This wasn't what any of us had expected from him, especially me. He slowly introduced us to her and when he mentioned me and that I was his best friend her eyes turned to me and they went cold as she glared at me.

Esme made dinner for everyone and I had to sit next to Edward while Tanya sat on his other side. I was far from being comfortable there at the table with the woman. The whole meal consisted of me thinking about everything. The fact that he brought his girlfriend home to meet his family had to mean something since he never brought girls home to meet everyone. I always knew when he had a girlfriend, but never a name or a face to go with it with the exception of Lauren and I found out about that after the fact. I still knew he was dating someone, I just didn't know it was Lauren until the relationship was over with.

I listened to Edward talk about how he met Tanya right after graduation and that they had been seeing each other off and on since and he thought it was finally time to bring her home to the family. The whole time I was trying to figure out how I missed this. How did I miss this?

My insides were screaming. My heart was just in shock and it wasn't registering what was really going on there. I watched her clutch to his arms and laugh when he talked and just looked adoringly at him. His eyes looked just as tenderly at her. Full of a look that I wanted more than anything and wasn't meant for me.

It was then that something snapped inside me. He had been hiding this from me for almost two months. He had a secret and he purposefully kept it from me. I knew that I had kept a secret too, but this was massive. My secret had been eating at my soul and it was killing me to keep it from him, but it appeared that he was more than able to keep this a secret from me.

"Bella you okay?"

I turned to see Rosalie looking at me, her eyes flooded with concern.

Of course Rosalie would be the one to see it. She was the one to know that something else was bothering me in the first place. I couldn't speak, I just placed my finger to my lips to tell her not to say anything else.

I was angry. No, I wasn't angry… I was furious. I couldn't believe that he would do this to me. He humored my emotions for him, to keep me as his friend and I was completely blind to the fact that he was seeing someone else too. He thought he had to keep his girlfriend hidden to keep me from being hurt, he thought of me as something so weak that I wouldn't be able to handle his news. I couldn't sit there anymore and had to get out of there. The tears were beginning to burn my eyes though I pushed them back, I would not cry in front of him

"I have to go guys. I have stuff going on tomorrow and I need to get some sleep. It was nice to meet you Tanya," I lied through my teeth as I marched to the door.

I shut the front door behind me and went to my truck and put the key in the ignition when I saw Edward coming out the door to talk to me. I was too angry, so I turned the key and just backed out of the driveway. When I reached the highway, the tears began to fall. My heart, what little bit I had repaired from my confession of love, was now shattered into tiny shards with no hope of repair.

The tears began to fall so hard, I had to pull over to the side of the road and park for a moment. I sobbed hysterically for a very long time. I finally got myself back together enough that I could drive and I finally got home after about an hour of slow driving.

Wanting to sneak into the house, I came in the back door but my mother was standing in front of the refrigerator.

"Bella, what's wrong?" She asked her eyes wide with fear.

"Nothing. Just leave me alone."

"Isabella Marie, sit down," she said pointing to one of the chairs at the kitchen table.

I sat down while I was still wiping tears away. She took the seat in front of me and stared deeply into my eyes. My guess was she was hoping that I would break and tell her, but I had no intention of breaking down again.

"What happened at the Cullen's? Did they take the news badly?"

"I didn't tell them. I'm not telling them," I stated as I grabbed a napkin off the table to blow my nose.

"You didn't tell them? Why not?" Her tone getting angrier by the second.

"I don't want to talk about it, Mom. Let it go. I just want to go to bed."

She stared at me and I knew it would be bad for my health if I stood and tried to walk away.

"Isabella, you are going to tell me what happened or I am going to call Esme and ask her."

She was using the typical parent move. Call the other parent. It was completely annoying that she could still use that card on me, especially with me being eighteen years old.

"Edward has been lying to everyone for about two months about having a secret girlfriend."

"Okay, that still doesn't answer the question to why you didn't tell him or his family that you are getting on a plane in less than twelve hours for Illinois."

"I have been guilty about keeping this secret from him and he kept this secret from me and he doesn't even bother him that he kept it."

"Edward doesn't have to tell you everything, Bella."

"He has never purposefully hidden stuff from me though. He would say he is dating someone without mentioning a name or something, not like this Mom."

She stared at me some more and I didn't say anything, I just wiped away more tears.

"Isabella Marie Swan, you are going to get back in that truck of yours and you are going back over there to tell Edward you are leaving tomorrow to go to college. You will regret this if you don't."

"No, I'm not. I can't," I cried.

"Now, Isabella." Her voice was firm as she stood and pointed to the door.

I stood up, still wiping away stray tears as I walked to the door and shut it behind me. Slowly, I got back in my truck and backed it out of the driveway and headed back toward the Cullen house yet again. As I drove I tried to calm myself down because I was only going to tell him about me leaving, not to yell at him about how angry I was at him for hiding stuff from me.

I pulled into the driveway and I noticed that Tanya's car was still in the drive but the lights in the house were all off by now. So I headed around to the back of the house to come in the back door, since I had been told so many times to come in that way when it was late. I came around the side of the house and I saw the one thing that shattered any chance of coherent thought or speech for the night.

Edward was standing with Tanya out by the stream that babbled behind the house, her arms wrapped around his waist. I was about to speak out when I saw her bring her lips to his and I saw his response to the kiss. He didn't push her away, he accepted her kiss and returned it.

I turned and ran. I didn't think about it, I just ran. I got in my truck and drove around until I knew that Renee and Charlie would be asleep before I came home. When I finally went inside, I crawled on the couch with a blanket and just laid there in silence. I knew I wouldn't be able to fall asleep especially the sight of Edward kissing Tanya flashing in my mind. The sight was permanently seared into my mind and I would be haunted with that image forever.

I stared at the clock on the VCR the whole night. I watched the numbers slowly change as the time passed by. About six in the morning, Charlie finally came downstairs for coffee.

"Hey Bella. You need to get upstairs and get ready to leave you know. We are leaving in an hour."

I ran upstairs and pulled on another pair of jeans and one of the many shirts that Alice had gotten me. I started gathering everything up to carry it downstairs so it could be loaded in the cruiser for the trip to Seattle.

"Bella, its time," yelled Renee from downstairs.

I stood there for a moment and stared at my room as if to say goodbye to an old friend. Sighing, I picked up all my stuff and closed the door behind me before I headed down the stairs. When I reached the bottom, Charlie took my bags and took them to the car, Renee and I following close behind.

I glanced at my truck, but I knew that Renee and Charlie were going to bring it to me in a week or so. I looked around at everything that was familiar for a minute and I finally got into the backseat and shut the door. When Charlie finally pulled away from the house, I couldn't help but turn back to look at the house. I said a mental goodbye to the place and turned back to watch the road as we headed toward Seattle.

I never spoke the entire way to Seattle. Charlie and Renee talked about everything along the way from the weather to how Forks has changed over the years. By ten, we were arriving at the airport. I took my luggage to be checked and headed toward my check in and was preparing to go through all the security. This was the time that I had to say goodbye to my family.

"We love you, Bella. We'll see you in a week, okay?" My mother hugged me tightly to her.

"Love ya, baby. Be careful," whispered Charlie.

I picked up my carry on stuff and walked through security and on toward the gate. After I did all the required stuff to fly, I settled myself in a chair to wait for them to call for the boarding of the plane.

My heart hurt. It hurt so badly and I knew why. Edward had destroyed my heart completely, but he still held the shattered shards of it. I couldn't tell my heart it was stupid for loving him, because it made everything hurt even more. I thought about stuff while I waited and I realized that maybe going to Illinois was the best thing because I wouldn't have to watch Edward with Tanya everyday and that I might have a chance of moving on if I didn't see him all the time. _Maybe this is all for the best._

I looked up to the clock and I knew it was only a matter of time before they called to board the plane, so I did the one thing that I didn't think I would do. I pushed my speed dial on my phone and waited until the person answered.

"_Hey Bella. What you doing today? I was thinking we could go shopping in Seattle with Rose."_

"Alice, I have to tell you something and you are going to be really angry with me."

"_Bella…"_

"Alice, I am sitting at the airport in Seattle and in about ten minutes I am going to be boarding a plane to go to Illinois. I got accepted to Southern Illinois University and I am going to be living with Kat and I am going to stay there until I get my degree. I don't plan on coming home until I am finished."

"_WHAT?! NO! You can't be there, you were just here yesterday and you never mentioned it to me or to anyone else and you told me that you were going to college here."_

"I know. I am sorry," I sobbed. "I was going to tell you last night, but after what happened I was too…"

"_Edward doesn't know you are leaving?!" _

"No. He doesn't."

"_No, you are not leaving me to tell him this. Bella this is going to kill him. Please don't go."_

"He has Tanya to take care of him now. He doesn't need me anymore. I need this, Ally. I want to be independent and I can't be that way in Forks. Please forgive me."

I listened as she sobbed into the phone and I couldn't fight my tears either.

"_Bella, I want you to stay. I will talk to him. I'll tell him how much you love him and convince him that he loves you too. Please, don't leave me!"_

"**Flight 324 to St. Louis is now boarding at Gate 12."**

"I have to go Alice. I'll call you when I get there, I promise."

"_Bella, don't go!" _She screamed.

"I have to. I love you, Alice and I'll talk to you soon."

I snapped my phone shut and I gathered my belongings. I walked to the gate and handed my ticket over and slowly stepped through the gate. I didn't turn back. There was no point. I made my choice for my future and my destiny.

I boarded the plane and slipped my carry on stuff into the compartment and sat down and stared out the window for a moment. Finally the captain came across the intercom to say that we would be leaving and to buckle up. I took one last look at Seattle, Washington and finally shut the shade to the window. I was closing this door on my life and as soon as I landed in St. Louis… my new life would begin.


	20. Chapter 19: Edward, She's Gone

Hello, Everyone.

Let me start out by saying…WOW!! The last chapter got over 100 reviews. The night I put up the chapter, I left for a few hours to come back to see my email box full of reviews! I almost fell out of my chair. I answered reviews for almost three hours that night. So, to all you lovely people out there, THANKS!! I hope to have just as many.

I hope you like the chapter, and I hope it is a good follow up to the last chapter. Also, I don't normally write in two POVs a chapter, but some of my readers wanted to know what Alice and Edward were thinking, I wrote both. Hope you enjoy.

The Normal Stuff: The Twilight series and its characters belong to Ms. Stephenie Meyer. Support the people that are on my fave author list along with the stories on my list.

The Three Amigas, I love you guys so much.

I send my love out to twilightgurl22, halojones, and amblovestoread. twilightgurl22, thanks for reading my stuff so that I can see if it is good or not, and to you, halojones and amblovestoread… well thanks for chit chatting with me. You make me laugh and give me some extra courage, which is really needed at times.

Now, on with the story…

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Chapter 19 "Edward, She's Gone" song: Goodbye To You – Michelle Branch  
Reasoning: I think it can speak for itself.

* * *

Chapter 19: "Edward, She's Gone"

**Alice POV**

It was your average day in Forks. The sun was hidden behind the clouds and it was close to the end of summer. Within weeks I would be headed back to Forks High alone, since my boyfriend, my sister-in-law, and best friends were graduates now. Luckily, they were all going to be around while I finished up high school. However, I noticed recently that something was really wrong with Bella. What I wasn't really sure of.

Edward introduced us to Tanya Mason last night… his girlfriend. I about jumped out of my chair and yelled at him, but I knew Esme wouldn't have been happy if I did that. She taught me better manners. When he did introduce her to us, I noticed Bella's expression of shock and hurt. I didn't get the chance to talk to Bella since she ran from the house not long after dinner was over. I watched her the entire time during dinner and I could see conflict playing in her eyes like a movie would on a screen. _He hadn't told Bella about Tanya. He sprung this on her. Stupid, insensitive jerk._

After Bella ran from dinner, Edward took Tanya out to the backyard and left everyone in the house to deal with the aftermath of the shock that was Tanya. It really looked like Edward liked the blonde bimbo.

We all finished with what we were doing and we quietly went to the living room, every one seemed a little upset about Tanya and most of them began to voice their opinions as soon as she was out of ear shot.

"I don't like her," muttered Emmett.

"There is something about that girl that doesn't sit well with me, what do you think Carlisle?" Asked Esme.

"I am not too crazy about her either, my dear," responded Carlisle.

"She looks like a cold hearted bitch to me…" yelled Rose.

We all turned to look at her. Leave it to Rosalie Cullen to say it like it is. After about a moment of shock, we all burst out in laughter especially since we all knew she was right about her.

"Rose, we might agree with you, but you realize that Edward or Tanya may hear us. I don't like her that much either, but…" started Jasper.

"She is all wrong for him. Why doesn't he see this?" Rose rolled her eyes as she sat down on Emmett's lap in the living room.

Rosalie seemed a little more annoyed by the presence of Tanya Mason than the rest of us. Why, I wasn't exactly sure, but something told me that she was more concerned about Bella's reaction to Tanya than anything.

"She's no Bella that's for sure," stated Emmett as he wrapped his arms around his wife.

Everyone nodded in agreement. Everyone knew that Bella loved Edward and we knew that Edward loved Bella as well. So, Edward bringing Tanya home was a shock. _I am going to have to have a chat with my older brother about this, especially since I knew he had to have hurt Bella so much by doing this to her._

After a few hours, Jasper headed home and everyone else went to up to bed. As I pulled my clothes off and changed for bed, I had this feeling of dread, but I shrugged it off to nerves and got into bed and fell asleep quickly.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………

When I woke up in the morning, the bad feeling that I felt before bed had grown overnight. Groaning, I rolled back over and tried to go back to sleep. Around nine, I finally decided that it was time for me to roll out and get ready to do a few things.

I pulled on my favorite weekend clothes and shoes and began to apply my makeup when I heard my cell phone starting to sing one of Bella's favorites. I ran across the room and flipped it open.

"Hey Bella. What you doing today? I was thinking we could go shopping in Seattle with Rose."

She was quiet on the line for a moment before she spoke.

"_Alice, I have to tell you something and you are going to be really angry with me."_

To say I was worried would be an understatement.

"Bella…"

"_Alice, I am sitting at the airport in Seattle and in about ten minutes I am going to be boarding a plane to go to Illinois. I got accepted to Southern Illinois University and I am going to be living with Kat and I am going to stay there until I get my degree. I don't plan on coming home until I am finished."_

My mind went blank for a split second… I had to have heard her wrong. That can't be right. My mind began to spin from everything that was going on inside my head and then I realized that my best friend wouldn't do this to me.

"WHAT?! NO! You can't be there, you were just here yesterday and you never mentioned it to me or to anyone else and you told me that you were going to college here."

"_I know. I am sorry,"_ she sobbed. _"I was going to tell you last night, but after what happened I was too…"_

Suddenly, something popped into my mind, scaring me more than anything. I hoped that I was wrong about this, but something told me that I wasn't.

"Edward doesn't know you are leaving?!"

"_No, he doesn't,"_ she said, her voice very cold and very unlike Bella.

"No, you are not leaving me to tell him this. Bella this is going to kill him. Please don't go," I begged.

I knew that Edward loved her. No matter how badly he denied his feelings for her, his love for her was pure and undying. I knew that this knowledge would send him into a downward spiral to do something that he would live to regret. It being my brother, I knew it would be dramatic and would end up hurting everyone involved.

"_He has Tanya to take care of him now. He doesn't need me anymore. I need this, Ally. I want to be independent and I can't be that way in Forks. Please forgive me."_

Bella's voice spit venom when she spoke Tanya's name. He really had hurt her by bringing Tanya to the house last night, more than I or anyone else could have imagined. I couldn't let her go though. I had to talk her out of going.

"Bella, I want you to stay. I will talk to him. I'll tell him how much you love him and convince him that he loves you too. Please, don't leave me!" I yelled.

She couldn't leave me. I needed her here, and so did Edward, even if he was clueless to the fact he needs her. How could someone that loves a person so much not realize that they had their soul mate with them this whole time?

I could hear in the background a call for a plane to St. Louis.

"_I have to go Alice. I'll call you when I get there, I promise."_

"Bella, don't go!" I screamed.

"_I have to. I love you, Alice and I'll talk to you soon."_

As soon as she was done speaking the phone when dead and my body began to tremble. She was gone. Bella was gone… Bella was really gone…

"NO!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

Throwing myself on the bed, I continued to scream. She couldn't do this. _Not Bella. She wouldn't do this, especially not to me._

My bedroom door flew open and there stood Rosalie along with my mother. Both looked terrified and as if they thought I should be bleeding or dying. When they saw me trembling on the bed, they both looked at me in shock.

"What's going on?" Rosalie asked.

"She's gone. She's gone…"

That was the only phrase that I could form. My mind was running too fast to process anything but the fact that Bella was gone.

"Alice, baby, who's gone?" Esme asked taking hold of my hand.

"Bella…" I stuttered.

They looked at each other like I was crazy. They didn't understand that Bella was gone and… it took me about a second to realize it was partly Edward's fault!

"I'm going to kill him!" I screamed.

I jumped from my bed and ran for the door, but before I could get it pulled open, Rosalie had me around the waist and was pulling me back toward the bed. I struggled against her grip, trying to get away from her to hunt him down.

"You are going to have to tell me what is going on, Alice. Bella is gone where?" Rose looked worried, even more worried than I thought she would be. Did she know something that I didn't know?

"She is on a plane… she's leaving Forks."

Both women looked dumbfounded at the information. I stumbled back to the bed. My adrenaline rush had passed for the moment, and sat weakly on the bed both women at my side.

"What?!" Gasped Esme.

"She was going to tell us last night, but Edward dropped Tanya on us and well… you know how Bella feels about Edward. I guess she couldn't take it and she just left. She called me a minute ago to tell me before she boarded the plane."

"Edward doesn't know this?" Gasped Rosalie.

"No, Rose, he doesn't. All I know is I want to string him up for doing this to her. Why didn't he break this to her? He dropped Tanya like a bomb, no wonder Bella freaked out."

"That inconsiderate jerk. I'm going to rip his heart out," yelled Rosalie.

We sat there for a moment and that was when we heard the rumble of Edward's motorcycle from outside the house.

"I think it is time I 'talk' to my brother…" I exclaimed as I marched toward the door. I was out for blood. The only blood I wanted was Edward's.

**Edward's POV**

I had just got home from riding over to Port Angles to see Tanya. She was really a sweet woman. I couldn't really believe she liked me. I had heard that she normally didn't date guys like me either. She was beautiful, and liked most of the things that I did, which was really a plus.

I pushed my keys down in my pocket and when I turned around Alice was about a foot away from me. What surprised me was when she drew back her fist and hit me in the jaw, throwing me back and I eventually fell to the ground.

"What the heck was that for?" I yelled.

"You are an absolute jerk, Edward Cullen. It's your fault. If I could get away with killing you now I would," she screamed.

I looked up to see the rest of the family gathering behind her. Something was really going on now. Especially since Emmett and Carlisle were standing close behind Rose and Esme with their arms across their chest in aggravation.

"Would someone like to tell me what is going on here?"

"You broke her heart and now she's gone, you idiot," stated Rosalie.

This wasn't making any sense to me at all. Who were they talking about? I didn't break anyone's heart that I knew of.

"Bella," said Emmett as if he knew what I was thinking without me saying anything.

Bella? What? I thought for a moment. Broke her heart? None of what they were saying was making any sense.

"You are going to have to tell me what I have done since I am not getting it from this vague crap," I yelled as I stood up.

"Edward, you are so stupid! You drop a bomb on Bella and what do you expect to happen. You bring your new girlfriend to dinner in front of Bella, who loves you more than life itself, and you expect her to be fine with the whole thing? If you did, you're crazy. She's gone, as in she left Forks, and honestly we don't know if and when she will be coming back," glared Rosalie.

Bella's gone? No, that's not possible. She wouldn't leave me. She promised me that she wouldn't leave me. They had to be lying to me…

"Bella called me from the airport, Edward. She told me that she is going to school in Illinois and is going to be living with Kat while she is there. She's not coming home anytime soon," explained Alice, her eyes were as cold as ice.

"She wouldn't leave without saying anything to me… I'm her friend."

"That is a little debatable now, little brother," yelled Emmett.

Why were they ganging up against me? It's not like I had anything to do with this.

"Why are you all so angry with me?"

"Edward, Bella has been an unofficial member of this family since she moved here. She's like my very own daughter, and she was so mad that she left without a word to anyone," stated Carlisle. "I really wish we had the option to say goodbye to her, which you took away from us with your actions."

"This still doesn't explain your anger," I yelled.

"You brought Tanya to the house, Edward. You dropped this massive news on her on the night that she was going to tell us. You made her so upset that she didn't even get to tell us goodbye. You did this, and I hope that this hurts you so badly that you never forget it," screamed Rosalie.

I did this? My mind began to swim with all kinds of foreign emotions and thoughts. Bella was gone. She didn't tell me goodbye or anything. My family was about to tear me apart for it too.

Being there letting them yell at me wasn't helping me at all. I couldn't think, so I pulled my keys out and hopped back on my bike, and kicked it to life.

"Runaway, Edward… typical reaction. You let the love of your life runaway from you. I hope you are satisfied," yelled Rose.

I turned to see them all glaring at me. Even Esme's normally soft eyes were hard as stone. I pushed down on the clutch and pushed on the gas. Gravel flew from behind the back tire of my bike and I was flying down the drive, away from the looks of hatred.

My mind was running as fast as my bike was flying down the road. I couldn't understand anything that was happening to me at the moment. The farther I drove away from the house the harder it became to concentrate on the road. I didn't even realize where I was driving. When I finally stopped, I looked up to see it was the field… the field that I drove her out to and I danced with her.

I turned the key and stood there looking out into the place that I had such a great memory with her. I closed my eyes and I could still smell her fragrance around me, her hands around my neck and her head against my shoulder. I finally went over to the spot and stretched out in the grass. I closed my eyes and tried to push this feeling away. The feeling of hurting my best friend, and how badly my heart hurt knowing she was gone.

If someone asked me in this moment to explain my feelings, I wouldn't be able to. There wasn't an emotion to explain how I felt. I was numb. I wasn't happy, or sad, or mad… I felt nothing. Bella was gone and now I felt so universally alone. How could one person make another hurt so much without a word or a second glance?

Never in my entire life did I realize how valuable Bella was to me. It wasn't until she packs up and leaves me that I appreciate her. Then I realized I really wasn't alone really alone. I had Tanya. Tanya was really nice and sweet, and too sexy for her own good, but Tanya wasn't Bella. She wasn't the girl that I had spent almost every waking moment with from the time she came to Forks. Tanya would never be Bella to me. Bella was irreplaceable, but Tanya was my girlfriend and I cared about her, maybe I could even come to love her someday.

Then the thoughts of both women began to jumble in my mind. I would think of kissing Tanya and all of a sudden, I would see Bella's face… her lips, her plump, round lips. I could swear that I could still feel her lips brushing against my cheek and how my mind and body reacted to her touch. Her smiling face, her laughter, her everything… _God, she's really gone._

I kept trying to shake this feeling of loss, confusion, of everything. Nothing was right in the universe anymore. Bella was gone, my family was ready to murder me for what I had done, though I am still trying to figure out everything myself, and now I had Tanya in my life. _What am I going to do?_

I finally pulled myself to my feet and went back to my bike. Sitting here imagining Bella here with me wasn't helping me. So, yet again, I kicked it to life and drove back toward Forks. As I drove around, I realized that I couldn't go home yet, since the family was ready to hang me for my crimes against Bella. Driving around for a while, I ended up in front of Bella's. I looked up to see her truck still in the driveway and her parents' cars there too so I knew that meant that they were home and I had to find out if it was true. I would only believe it's true if I heard it from them.

Climbing the steps, I knocked on the door. I heard shuffling from the other side and Renee pulled the door open.

"Edward, it's nice to see you, come in," she said cheerfully.

As I came inside, I could tell that the house felt different. It wasn't like the many times that I had come here to get Bella, it was if something was long gone from these walls. At that very second, I felt stupid for being there, but I had to know if she was really gone. The only way I would know was to ask her parents.

"What brings you by, Edward? I didn't think I would see you around much now that Bella isn't here."

I didn't have to ask the question, Renee answered it before I could and the words came out of her mouth, cut my soul. _She really was gone…it wasn't a lie._

"I was wondering if that was true," I mumbled.

"What did you say?" She asked, a look of irritation rising.

"I wanted to know if it was true that Bella was gone," I said, looking a little worried now.

"Damn that girl! I told her to go back and tell you last night and she didn't. I'm going to have to talk to her about this."

She was supposed to come back to tell me? Did she? I thought back to spending time with Tanya in the backyard… I hadn't seen her there, but… no, she would have said something. Bella wouldn't have come to the house and not said anything to me. That's insane to even think she would. What if she had seen me kiss Tanya though? God, if she saw me with her she wouldn't have said anything to anyone.

"Edward, I'm sorry she didn't tell you. I told her that she shouldn't let something as trivial as a 'secret' girlfriend upset her," Renee said reaching for my hand and leading me into the kitchen.

Secret girlfriend? Oh, no. Bella didn't even realize that I had been seeing Tanya in the first place. I had always told her about my girlfriends and I just dropped my first official girlfriend on her. I am a cold-hearted jerk. No wonder Bella didn't tell me she was leaving.

"I forgot to mention to her that I was seeing someone. I always tell her. I might not ever tell her details, but she always knew. I'm an idiot," hitting my head against the table.

"Edward," she started, "she knew better than to do this. I told her that there had to be a reason for this to happen and that you didn't have to tell if you didn't want her to know."

"Renee, it is my fault. I let my life get too complicated and I let my friendship with your daughter slip, and now, I don't even know where I stand with her anymore. I'm so stupid."

My heart hurt, it hurt so badly… why? Bella was my friend, but it was like I lost something so much more valuable, something that was more precious than gold or jewels. I sighed as I turned to look down at the table top.

"You love my daughter, don't you?"

Her question made my eyes rise to meet hers. Love Bella? I love her as my friend, yes, but not more… right? I shook my head. I can't love Bella. She's my friend, only my friend… if she will still have me as her friend. Someone like Bella would never love someone like me. She just had an infatuation with me. I had Tanya. The beautiful and sexy Tanya. Tanya that has amazing lips, has indescribable kisses, and can do things… no, not going there.

"I love your daughter as my friend. Nothing more."

"Oh, Edward, I wish you could see what we all see. You should see how you look at each other, and how you move together… like you both are in perfect harmony with each other," she smiled as she spoke, her eyes glittered with glee.

"I need to go, I'll come by again sometime, Renee."

I stood and started to make my way to the door when I heard Renee call from behind me.

"Edward, I hope you see it someday. I want to see my daughter smile again and you are the only one that can truly make her smile."

I waved to her as I went through the door, and as soon as I was off the front steps of the house, I felt the tears began to fall. Reaching up I wiped them away, feeling less than a man because I was crying.

Annoyed that I was brought to tears, I got on my bike and headed toward the house. When I got there, I pulled over toward the garage and slipped the bike inside to prevent my family from knowing I was actually home. It was then that I slipped past my off road truck, Bella's couch, and all my other projects that I reached a door at the very back of the garage.

The door was stuck, especially since I hadn't went back there in a very long time. After pushing on it with my shoulder, it moved and I slipped inside. The room was dark, but I reached along the wall until I found the switch and I flipped it and the lights began to shine across the room.

Esme never wanted me to stop playing the piano but I said that I wanted a garage to work on cars, so I got one, but with a soundproof room with a piano sitting in its center. I walked over to the center of the room and the glossy piano was covered in over an inch of dust. It really had been a long time since I had been back here to play.

I crossed the room to find a cloth, and I wiped away the dust. It took me a few minutes, but when I was done, its finish shined as brightly as the day it was brought into the room. I sat down at the bench, and I pressed on key. I wanted to hear how out of tune it was… but after all these years, it was still perfect.

Placing my hands over the keys, I started out playing something simple, something that I remembered from the time that I took lessons, and I was surprised that after all these years that I could still remember the songs. My hands continued to fly across the keys and I played song after song. After a while, I sat silently but then began the song that Bella always claimed to be her favorite.

I could remember when I would sit in the house at the grand piano, and Bella would come in and sit down beside me and lean her head against my shoulder. I always asked why she would do that, and she always told me that listening to me play was expanding her musical culture. I laughed whenever she said that. The funny thing was, when I thought about that, I began to wish she was here with me. Why did I want her to come into this room and sit with me… lean her head against me and listen to me play?

When those thoughts crossed my mind, I stopped playing the song I had originally started, and began something of my own creation. My fingers began to play a song so sad, it reflected my feelings at the moment. The melody came from deep with me. It was a song of sorrow, of regret, of being such a fool. The melody sounded like the sobs of a broken person, a person that had lost his purpose in his life, and now had to face it alone without the person that meant so much to him.

I played like that for many hours, and I finally rested my hands against my lap and placed my head against the piano.

"I really wish you would still play like that."

I looked up to see my mother standing in the doorway.

"I thought no one knew I was here," I said standing from the piano.

"I did, no one else does… I need to know something, Edward. Why did you do that to Bella? Why did you tell her about Tanya the way you did?" She asked her eyes still full of fury.

"I don't know, Mom."

"Edward Anthony, you knew better than that. Why did you do it?" She asked again.

"I'm a fool or Rosalie put it better, I'm an idiot."

"No, son, you are neither, but you were very careless with Bella's heart and affections. You know that Bella loves you, would move mountains for you. I guess the best question is Tanya really the person you crave to be with? Is she really that special to you?"

My mother stared at me, and I thought about it. Was Tanya really special? She was nice, and very funny. Then I thought about Bella… she was everything Tanya was plus more. Tanya was still great though, but different.

"Mom, I don't know. I've only been seeing her for a few months, but she could be, I don't know."

"Know this Edward, Tanya is no Bella, and we will not welcome her as we did Bella. This family loves Bella and will not stand by and let you hurt her. We will be kind to Tanya but we will never accept her like we did Bella. I love you, Edward, but I am very disappointed in you."

She turned and left me alone. Her words hurt. I had never heard my mother speak to me like that. I had never heard her say a cruel word against anyone, but now she had. Her disappointment upset me. I felt as if I was a child again and that I had gotten in trouble and would have to sit in my room and think about what I had done.

Things were never going to be the same, I quickly realized. My family would never get past how badly I hurt Bella. I didn't think I would myself. Alice would never see me the same and Jasper would miss Bella as well. Emmett and Rosalie would miss her too, Emmett would miss his 'other sister' and Rosalie would miss the chances they had to do makeovers on Bella and my parents would miss the girl that became a member of our family. I would miss the girl that blushed at the drop of a hat and the one that laughed with me when things weren't that funny.

I heard my phone start to ring, and I pulled it out and opened it without looking.

"Hello."

"_Hey, baby. Where have you been? I've been waiting for you all night. When you going to get here?"_

Tanya. The person I wasn't sure I wanted to deal with at the moment.

"Hey. I'm sorry, I forgot. I've had a few things on my mind lately."

"_Hopefully me though,"_ she giggled.

"You have come up a few times." It wasn't a lie, just not the complete truth.

"_Eddie, baby… I need you here with me… can you hurry? Pretty please?"_

"I guess, Tanya. I'll be there in about an hour. Bye."

I didn't give her a chance to even say goodbye, I didn't think I could handle it. I sat there at the piano and stared down at the keyboard and it was when I realized something.

Tanya was here. Bella wasn't. I shouldn't be all upset with Tanya because Bella made a choice to step out of my life and into something else. Why would I fault Tanya for Bella's actions? How could I fault Bella for hers?

I realized that I couldn't keep dwelling what I couldn't change. Bella was gone and I was going to have to deal with my life with or without her here. Tanya was a perfect distraction. Bella would never be completely gone from my thoughts, but in time, maybe Tanya would bring me out of this and maybe she could fill the void that Bella left in me.

_I don't think so Edward_ whispered a voice deep within my mind.

I shook it off the little voice. Tanya was my future… Bella was my past. Or so I thought.

I pushed my bike back outside and stepped onto it, and I looked up to see the sky was clear and the stars were shimmering above me. _Bella loved the stars… I wonder if she is looking at the same stars tonight._

I started my bike and headed for Port Angeles and to my girlfriend, my heart filled with both joy and sorrow. I rode down the road, the wind in my face, I felt a single tear stream down my face. In that moment, I said my goodbye to Isabella Swan. Not a final goodbye, but a goodbye until our paths met again.

I couldn't take her actions as being goodbye forever, but more like a 'see ya around" kind of thing. It would never be a goodbye forever with me and Bella, at least I would never take it as goodbye forever. She would be back someday, and I will be waiting for my friend's return, even if I have to wait until the end of time.


	21. Chapter 20: A Life Beyond Forks

Hello Everyone.

It is time for another chapter of our story. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it. Most of the extra characters with the exception of Adrian and Lacy are real people. Joanne and Tiffany are my college friends and Debi and Michelle are people I used to work with out at the restaurant. (I was a hostess.) The buildings I mention too are real places. I have had classes in both Faner Hall and Pulliam Hall. If you visit the SIU website Pulliam in the one with the clock tower so you can kind of see where Bella is wandering around.

For you people that I told that this would be up in the afternoon, well I had one of those strange days that kept me from my computer most of the day. So a blueberry Mt. Dew, a blueberry slush, a bowl of chicken fried rice, and cherry coke later, I have it finished. I am so sorry. Forgive me.

Thank you to everyone that reviewed. I had around 100 reviews again and I am so thankful to you that review. They really make my day and make me laugh. So, please keep reading and reviewing.

To the Three Amigas… Sweet Pea, I can't wait for July because you should be back. CARLISLE'SDARKETERNALQUEEN… you just make me laugh. Your reviews kill me. Keep them coming and I love ya. twilightgurl22, you are truly a great friend and I am glad that I found you and thank you for being my long lost family/sister.

I dedicate this chapter to the wonderful ladies over on twilighted(dot)net . You know who you are. You ladies are wonderful and you brighten up everything and I can't believe all the nice things you have said about me. I am glad that I have written something that you enjoy so much.

Okay, now on with our story…

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Chapter 20 A Life Beyond Forks Song: You're Beginning To Get To Me – Clay Walker  
Reasoning: I think its title is interesting for this chapter since certain things happen and how Bella is thinking toward the end… read and find out.

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Chapter 20: A Life Beyond Forks

**November 2004**

_I was sitting in a church. Not just any church, but the church in Forks. Sitting in the back pew, I stared up at the front of the church. The sight of him up there broke something that was deep down inside me. I wanted to break down into tears, but I refused to cry. I wasn't going to break down here._

_The wedding march began and she came through double doors of the church draped in silks and a shimmering veil. Her cold eyes sparkled as she walked toward the groom. When she reached him, I wanted to sneak out, but I couldn't. I thought I could handle this…but I guess I was wrong._

"_Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to unite in the holy bond of matrimony, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen to Tanya Jean Mason. Now if anyone here thinks there is a reason for this couple to not be joined in holy matrimony, please speak now or forever hold your peace…"_

_The church was silent. My heart was screaming at me. "Stop him… stop him." It screamed. _

_I don't know where I got the courage, but I had to. I cared way too much to be silent._

"_I object," I yelled as I stood from my seat._

_Everyone in the room turned to look at me, many glaring, especially the bride. The only people that stared at me with soft eyes were his family. Alice stood in a dress at Tanya's side, but her eyes were begging me to stop him. To keep him from marrying Tanya._

"_Edward, you can't marry her… you don't love her. Please don't marry her. I don't care if you don't love me, just don't marry her," I begged, tears tumbling down._

_Edward's expression was cold. The sparkle that once danced in his eyes was gone and Tanya glared at me with cold eyes. Her eyes let me see her internal laughter and were telling me that she had what I would always want._

"_Bella… leave. You are not welcome here. I don't love you. I never loved you. I love Tanya and I'm going to marry her. I never want to see you again," he yelled as he glared back at me._

"_No, Edward, please don't," I begged._

"_GO! I hate you, Isabella Swan. Leave us alone!" He screamed._

_The tears were streaming down in waves and I turned to see Alice's eyes filled with tears along with everyone else in the Cullen family…._

I let out a blood curdling scream and jerked into a sitting position. This wasn't the first time that had a dream like this and it probably wouldn't be the last time either, and like normal I reached up to touch my face to find it drenched in sweat. I had been having dreams like this since I came here, and they weren't getting any better, they were getting worse.

"Bella, you okay?"

My bedroom door was pushed open and Kat stood in the doorway. Her eyes showed how worried she was about me.

"I think so. Just another nightmare."

Kat came into the room and sat down beside me on my bed. I shifted over to let her have some room.

"Bella, you are going to have to get past this. You are letting Edward haunt you and your dreams. He doesn't deserve this much devotion. You need to let him go," she said her voice calm and soothing.

The fact was that my heart continued to break more and more since I moved to Illinois. I couldn't help it that my heart wondered what he was doing or if he missed me or not. It was foolish but I couldn't myself. I was devoted to him. He was everything I wanted in a man and more, and it was just too hard to forget, especially when my heart still held out hope that someday he would return my love.

"I know. It's just hard to turn your feelings on and off, Kat. I know he's a complete jerk, but my heart is still telling me to hold on for a little while longer."

"You need a guy to get your mind off him. What about Adrian from your literature class? He has been trying to get you to go out with him since you moved here."

"No, I don't want to date. I don't want to get involved with anyone."

"Bella, you need to. Edward isn't going to come after you. He can't even get up enough nerve to pick up a phone and call you. He's a coward. He knows he treated you badly, and he can't even call you and apologize for being an idiot."

Kat was right. Edward hadn't even picked up the phone to see if I was okay. I got calls from the rest of his family all the time though. Alice called everyday to let me know what was going on. Even Jasper called to check on me once in a while.

Hearing Kat talk about him like she was started to make me feel uneasy and I just wanted it to stop, I couldn't take much more of this.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore, okay?"

She knew I had reached my limit of how much I could talk about him and she finally let it go and stood up from my bed. It was clear she was sad to see how much Edward could still hurt me, even with him miles and miles away.

I turned to see it was about time to get up to head to class.

"I got to get ready. I'll be out in a few. Fix coffee."

Kat smiled and left me to change. I crawled out of bed to trip over my boots that were lying next to my bed. _Stupid boots and floor._

I crossed the room and looked over at my desk that was covered with pictures of all my memories in Forks. I picked up the portrait of Edward and I at the prom and I felt a tear stream down my face.

_I couldn't have imagined all of that. All the emotions that I was feeling, it couldn't have been a dream._

I sat it back on my desk and went to the closet to pull on my SIU Saluki hoodie and my favorite pair of jeans. I slipped my hair into a ponytail and I turned to stare at myself in the mirror, yet again. Picking up my bag with all my books and notes, I was about to head out the door when I heard Alice's normal cheerful ring coming from my phone. I flipped open the phone to hear Alice's chipper voice on the other end. _How can someone be that awake so early in the morning?_

"_Hey, Bells. How's it going today?"_

"Hello Alice. Don't know yet, since I haven't even gotten out of my room yet."

I began to walk down the hall toward the kitchen, my phone still at my ear.

"_Oh, that's right. You don't have class until nine. Anyway, I was wondering if you were going to come home around Thanksgiving."_

Thanksgiving… both my parents have been asking me constantly if I was coming home, but honestly I wanted to stay here. It was safer here, and I wouldn't have to deal with Edward and his girlfriend.

"I am staying here," I told her. "I have too many things going on and I have to work," I said. It wasn't a lie but not the complete truth either.

"_Oh, I was wondering because Mom and Dad were hoping that you would be back so you could come by to see them. They really miss you Bella."_

"I miss them too. How is everyone?"

I asked this question and she had come to know that I didn't want any details about Edward or his girlfriend. It was really just too much for me to deal with.

I poured me some coffee in my travel cup and Kat was motioning to me to follow her. After locking the apartment, we loaded into the car and headed toward the university.

"_Emmett and Rose are moving into their new house. Jasper has been working with Emmett on the plumbing. Mom is decorating this house in Port Angeles and Dad is working like normal. I'm just trying to get through this year of school without you being here."_

Talking to Alice at times made me realize how much I missed her and her family. When I called after I arrived in Illinois, Alice told me that the whole family had basically disowned Edward, and that really hurt me. Every time I talked to them I tell them that they should be nice to Edward and that he made his choice and that I was moving on, but they told me that they could never look pass something like that, especially since he was so cruel to me.

"You really need to be nicer to Edward, Alice. He did what he wanted and he never declared his love for me or anything. I was being melodramatic about the whole thing. He just hurt me and I am dealing with it now."

"_Bella, he is miserable without you. He tries to act happy, but he can't figure out how to be happy without you."_

I couldn't help but roll my eyes when she said that. I couldn't imagine Edward being unhappy at all. He couldn't miss his virginal best friend that much since he has the sexy and desirable Tanya Mason around. The whole idea was actually funny to me.

"Edward wanted Tanya and I am fine with that."

"_Then why aren't you trying to find a guy there then?"_

This was a typical question Alice would ask me. She was just determined to get me to break down. I had already had that stupid nightmare about Edward and now she just wanted me to be in complete tears when I went to class.

"I don't need a guy to make me happy. I am trying to get through college, Alice. It's important to me to do well. I want to be writer and I have to study and keep my thoughts on my school work and my job."

Alice was obviously rolling her eyes at me because I heard her sigh. It was clear it was a sigh of annoyance too.

"_I wish my brother would figure it out that you are the one that he has always wanted. Unfortunately, he's been attached at Tanya's hip so much lately I doubt it would matter at all."_

"I don't care what your brother does anymore. He gave up his rights to me and mine to him when I got on that plane and came here."

"_He still considers you to be his best friend, Bella. He hasn't forgotten you, even though he seems like he is constantly trying to push you from his mind."_

I knew what I was about to say was a lie. I missed him so much. I wanted to get up and go to see him all the time and it's taken me so many months to realize that I can't do that, and it wasn't my place to run to him anymore. Tanya was the one that should be running to him, not me and to hear that he missed me broke my heart even more.

"I don't care, Alice. He made his choice. He chose Tanya and I don't want to interfere with their relationship or life. So, remember, you are never to tell him anything about me at all. I don't care how much I beg you later on… don't tell him anything."

"_You know I will keep my word, Bells. I got to go, got to get ready for school. I love ya and I'll talk to ya soon."_

"Love ya too, Alice, tell everyone I love them too and I will talk to you tomorrow."

"_Bye."_

The line went dead, and I snapped my phone shut.

"Alice is right, Bella. You need to get out there and find someone. You shouldn't have to sit around here and mope about Edward when you have a chance to find a wonderful guy out there," stated Kat while she drove down the highway.

"You two just like to gang up against me on this. I am fine and I am going to continue being fine. I need to focus on school and my life."

"Why don't you call back that guy that keeps calling the house… Jacob Black? He seems like a sweet guy, Bella."

Jacob Black. Charlie gave him my home number and he had been calling every few weeks trying to talk to me since I moved here. I always had Kat scan our calls so I could avoid them. Why I wasn't exactly sure. I just knew that I wanted to keep him at a distance. After he mentioned to me that he wanted to date me I have felt kind of strange around him. Not freaked out strange, but it was this indescribable feeling that I couldn't understand.

"He's nice but I don't think so. I'm nineteen and he's twenty-four or twenty-five. Don't you think that it is a little strange?" I asked.

"Oh, Bella, you realize that when he told you that you were completely within legal dating age to him. You were eighteen. He was just a little more open with his intentions toward you."

"I'd say so. How many guys do you know that walk up to a girl and tell them that they have wanted to date you for I don't know how long and that he wants to marry you someday."

Kat couldn't help but bust out into laughter. I turned to glare at her, but she continued to laugh.

"It's not funny, Kat."

"I know, but you obviously like him on some level or you wouldn't be so nervous around him."

Me… like Jacob? Please. I never thought of Jacob as anything but a friend, an older friend to be exact. While I thought about it, I remembered the expression in his eyes when I saw him at the last La Push cookout and at graduation. The looks made me weak at the knees though I never admitted it to anyone.

"Can we drop this subject?" I asked as we pulled into the parking garage on campus.

"You just need to get your feelings together, little cousin. You totally should talk to him. I've talked to him some and he seems like he worships the ground that you walk on. You should at least think about it."

"Fine, I'll think about it. Happy?"

Kat smiled as she pulled her bag out of the backseat of the car. I grabbed my stuff and told her goodbye and we went our separate ways. I was crossing the campus… passing the student center and Faner Hall. I kept walking toward Pulliam Hall and my first class.

Everyday, I passed all these people but I tried my best to be invisible. Yet, I gained a few friends along the way, but they never knew about my life in Forks. Especially my love for Edward Cullen and my lingering thoughts I had about him.

"Hey, Bella," yelled Joanne, one of my friends from my English literature class.

"Hey."

"You look down, Bells, what's up?" Asked my other friend, Tiffany. She was sitting with Joanne on a small wall in front of Pulliam Hall.

"I'm okay. I just got a call from one of my friend's back home."

They dropped the subject. They knew I didn't like to talk too much about my past so they started to talk about the assignment we had due in our class. About ten minutes later, our other friend, Lacy, was running up to meet us.

"You are not going to believe it. There is this guy teaching one of my creative writing classes now… the professor is gone for the rest of the semester and he's so hot. He's tall, dark skin, haunting eyes, and kissable lips," she said with a sigh.

"You sound like you are in lust," I laughed.

"Oh, Bella, you would totally fall for this guy. He's a new grad student and the professor picked him to finish up the class for him. He's from somewhere out west though. I know it will sound corny, but he's dreamy."

"I don't think any guy is good enough for our Bella. She has guys falling at her feet and she ignores them. I tell her all the time that she's a beauty and she's convinced that she is plain…" stated Joanne.

"Stop it guys. I just don't want to date anyone. I'm happy with my life as it is right now."

"Bella you have to get out of this shy shell of yours and find a guy and screw his brains out," exclaimed Lacy.

"You know I don't believe in that, Lace. I am going to wait for my husband. I do have some moral fiber."

"Well, loose the moral fiber. I bet this guy would make you loose your moral fiber in a heartbeat," mumbled Lacy.

I looked down at my watch to see it was almost time for class.

"We got to get upstairs or Professor Morrison will tell us to go home for being late to his class."

So the conversation was dropped, and I was really thankful. I doubt any grad student would interest me in the least…

**May 2005**

"Bella, baby, you got an order up," yelled 'Mama' from the kitchen.

"I'm coming, Deb. I'll be right there, got to drop these drinks at table thirty."

After dropping my drinks to my table, I ran back to the kitchen to pick up my order for another one of my tables.

I liked my job, even though it was a serving job. I never actually thought I would be that great at it since I was clumsy, but I was actually really good at it. Kat's cousin owned a local restaurant and she needed a new server and hostess and in turn we got jobs. We had been working there for almost eight months, and it has been one of the best experiences ever. The idea of having a job was different especially since I had never had a job before the move.

I finished my first two semester with straight A's and I was ready for the summer semester to start. There was no wasting time for me. Kat was taking some time off but I had every intention of keeping up the pace and getting finished so I could start my career of being a writer.

College had to be the best thing that ever happened to me too. Though I haven't forgotten him completely, my thoughts aren't constantly on Edward anymore. I couldn't completely suppress my feelings for him and he still starred in some of my thoughts and dreams, but I was getting better as time passed. Now I was just happy with my life as it was, even without Edward in my life.

"Can I get you guys anything else?" I asked as I sat down the plates on the table.

"No. Thanks," replied the customer.

I swung up to the front of the restaurant to talk to Kat at the hostess station, but when I got there Michelle, one of the other servers, was standing there. Kat had to be out somewhere in the restaurant seating someone.

"Hey, Bells. You got one at thirty-three. He's a cutie. Dark hair, dark eyes, great body," said Michelle.

"Oh, yeah."

"He asked for you too."

I wasn't really sure of who would ask for me except the regulars, since I really don't know that many people from around here. Plus, that didn't fit the description of any of my regulars I that waited on either.

I grabbed some silverware and I walked toward the table and as I approached, I felt like turning and running backwards to the kitchen. His eyes were scanning the menu and his hair pulled into his traditional ponytail at the nape of his neck.

"Hi," I mumbled as I laid down the silverware on the table.

"Hello, beautiful," his voice as smooth as silk.

"What are you doing here, Jake?"

"I live around here. Charlie never told you did he?" He chuckled.

"I guess not," I mumbled, as I felt my heart rate accelerate.

The thought of Jacob Black actually living around here kind of worried me, but I knew he would never do anything to hurt me. I just wondered why he would pick this place to live, especially with all the nice places in the world a person could pick to live. Why would anyone want to pick this place to live??

"Yeah, I work for the local paper in Carbondale. Plus I am doing some graduate work at SIU."

"Grad school? What's your degree?"

"I'm trying to get my masters in creative writing actually. I double majored when I got my bachelors, English and creative writing."

"That's cool, Jake. How long have you lived around here?"

"About two years. Two years in September."

_He lived here before I came. That makes me feel a little better._

"That is why I have been trying to get in touch with you. I wanted us to get together and have lunch sometime, but you seem to be a busy person," he stated.

"Sorry, school and work keep me pretty busy. How did you know I work here though?"

"I had this girl named Lacy in one of my classes and she kept talking about this friend named Bella and I wondered if it was you so I asked and it was. She told me you worked here and I was in town for the paper doing a story."

That explained a lot of stuff. Then I remembered when Lacy told me about the hot graduate student… it was Jake. _Oh my God._

"I see, I guess I need to get your drink order now," I said, trying to cover up my uneasy feelings.

"Iced tea is fine, lemon…"

"Okay, I'll be back."

I turned and basically ran for the kitchen. I was so nervous and I couldn't figure out exactly why either. When I went through the swinging doors of the kitchen I walked over toward the cooler and stood for a moment, trying hard to gather my thoughts so I didn't look like an absolute fool.

I wasn't used to facing my past here, and seeing him was causing me to panic and bringing back memories of a certain person. Also, I realized that I had been checking him out!!

"Bella, are you alright?" Sheila, one of the older servers asked as she came into the kitchen.

"I don't know… maybe," I said with a pause. "No, I'm not."

"You look like you're a little freaked out, Bella. What's up?"

I recognized Kat's voice and I turned to see her standing behind me.

"That's Jacob," I exclaimed

Kat's eyes went wide when I said his name. She went to look out the window in the door. She turned back to me with a smirk on her face.

"That's Jacob Black. Jacob Black that told you that he wants to marry you someday?"

"That would be him."

"Why are you so damn lucky? You don't want a guy and you have them basically falling at your feet."

Lucky huh? I didn't think so.

I went over and finally poured a glass of tea and slipped a lemon on the side of the glass and headed back out to the table.

Sitting the glass on the table, I turned to meet his eyes. His eyes were so dark, but you could see the sparkle in them and they would make any woman's heart flutter. I reached into my apron for my order book and when I looked over to look at him, he caught me staring, and this caused me to drop it to the floor. I leaned down to pick it up but before I could get there, a dark-skinned hand reached it and handed it back to me.

For a moment our eyes locked, and I felt caught in his gaze. I was mesmerized by his eyes. They were dark and mysterious, everything that Edward's wasn't. I finally broke the gaze and stood back up. He moved to sit upright.

"Sorry, I'm clumsy."

"I think it's charming, Bella," he said seductively.

"So, what can I get for you?" I asked, pulling my pen from my apron, hoping I didn't drop it on the floor.

I was trying to concentrate on his order, but I was also thinking about how his voice was making my body feel too. That was making it rather difficult to listen to what he wanted to eat.

"Grilled chicken with fries and cottage cheese."

"I'll get this put in and I'll have it back to you soon."

I turned and made a straight line to the kitchen's computer to put in my order. When my ticket printed out, I slipped it into my order book and headed to help the other servers carry out their food.

After I got caught up I went back out front to talk to Kat.

"Why have you been hiding that guy from me?" She asked.

"I haven't hidden him from anyone. I had no idea that he was around here until now."

"He's a hottie. You should totally date him."

"I am not dating Jacob Black. He's not my type."

"You don't want to date him since he's not Edward."

"Keep it down about Edward, I have done a great job of keeping him a secret around here," I whispered, hoping that no one heard her mention Edward.

"Fine, but you are going to date someone soon. If you don't, I will make a phone call to Mr. Black and have him take you out on a date."

"You don't have his number."

"I do too," she mumbled.

I turned to look at her, and it was clear she wasn't lying.

"You have Jake's number?"

"He gave it to me to give to you. I just wrote it down for myself in case of a moment like this."

My blood was starting to boil when I heard that.

"That's low, even for you, Kat."

"I'm looking out for your interests. You need to get out some."

I heard the kitchen yell order up and I went in to get Jake's food. I grabbed everything that the plate needed and I kicked the door to go out into the dinning room. As I carried the plate, I saw him watching me move toward him. His eyes never released me.

"Here you go, Jake. Can I get you anything else?"

"That isn't the best thing to ask me Bella," he replied his eyes smoldering with a hidden double meaning.

"Okay, enjoy your meal."

I turned and walked back toward Kat, and she had a wicked grin on her face.

"You're blushing. What did he say to you?" She asked.

"Nothing. Drop it."

"Oh, little cousin, you like him. Don't try to deny it. It's written on your face."

"No, I don't."

"We'll see. I say eventually he's going to use that charm of his and break down those walls that were constructed around that heart of yours."

"Whatever, Kat. I know me, and I would never date Jacob Black… not if he was the last man on this earth."

"We'll see Bella, we'll see."

Thirty minutes later, I went back to the table to give Jake his ticket.

"Would you like some dessert, Jake?"

"I don't think so."

I placed the ticket on the table and was about to walk away when I felt a hand reach out and grab me by the wrist.

"Bella… go out on a date with me?"

I felt my mouth go dry and I couldn't speak. I was shocked… no, confused. I never thought he would ask something like that, especially here. Not at the place that I work at. Finally I got up enough courage to say something back to him.

"I don't know, Jake. I'm busy with school and work, and I really don't have any free time."

"Please, Bella?" He begged.

"I can't right now, Jake. I'm sorry."

He released my hand reluctantly, his eyes full of sadness. I started to walk away when I he spoke to me again.

"I'm not giving up Bella. I want you to know that."

I turned back to look at him for a moment. "See you later, Jake."

I went on my break then. I didn't want to be anywhere he could try to talk to me when he left. Sitting on the curb behind the restaurant, I saw him drive away in a red Mustang. A few minutes later, I went back in to clean off the table and it was when I saw a fifty dollar bill laying on the table and a short note.

_Bella –_

_I know something has happened to you, that someone broke your heart, but know that I will never hurt you. You are truly an angel and I will treasure you when you give me the chance to. I was very happy to see you and hope to see you again soon._

_Love- Jacob_

"You got a fifty dollar tip? Damn, baby what did you do to that man?" Asked Debi from behind me.

"He's an old friend."

I cleaned the table off and tried to forget that he had even been there. The entire way home I listened to Kat talk about him. All I wanted was her to be quiet and let me think about it. When I got home I crawled into the shower to wash off the smells from work, and got into bed afterward. I slowly fell into a dreamless slumber away from the thoughts of the two guys that were now flooding my mind.

**The Next Day…**

"Bella. You need to come here for a minute."

I groaned when I heard Kat yelling from the kitchen. I got out of bed and pulled on a sweatshirt and shorts before I slipped out of my room to go to the kitchen. When I got there I saw something that I hadn't expected to see, a vase of red roses.

"Where did these come from?" I asked.

"Someone just delivered them. They're for you."

I walked over to the vase, and pulled the card from its sleeve and gasped.

_Isabella –_

_Red roses represent love. I give you these as a symbol of my love for you. I hope to see you soon._

_Jacob_

I handed the card to Kat, and she laughed as she handed it back.

"He loves you."

I leaned in to take in the fragrance of the roses… I counted the roses in the vase. A dozen roses. A dozen red roses… I was completely in shock. I looked up to see Kat smirking at me.

"What?"

"You really do like him, even though you don't realize it. Maybe not love, but you do like him."

Do I? Do I like Jacob Black? How could I?

Kat was right though. I wasn't in love with Jake, but could I like him? I stared at the roses sitting on the counter of the kitchen. My mind wasn't really sure of anything, but I knew that this was far from being over with Jacob. I had this feeling that he wasn't going to give up until I gave him a chance and the main question I kept asking myself was did I really want to give him a chance?


	22. Chapter 21: Out Of Sight, Not Mind

Hello Everyone.

I know it's been almost a week in the waiting for this chapter, but I have had some major issues with it. If you listen to my ramblings over on twilighted(dot)net, I had two versions going at once, and this is the better of the two. I proofed it twice, but not as well as I normally do, so if there are any major flaws, I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

The Normal Stuff: The Twilight series and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Check out my faves and support the authors and stories. Check out my buddies stories too. (twilightgurl22 and Stormy Bella.) Please drop me a review and tell me what you think. I love to read them.

Also, I have considered this, and I have decided to do something kind of different. I have decided that the person that gives me my 1000th review for this story will get the opportunity to ask me one (1) question about the story. I will have to clear the question, because I don't want to give anything too specific about the story away, especially stuff that will ruin the suprises that will come in the future. So, review and maybe you will get the chance to know something about the story... maybe when Edward realizes that he loves Bella or how Tanya or Jake plays into the story...

To the Three Amigas – You are all back in the country so I send my love your way. Welcome home Sweet Pea. Missed ya! CARLISLE'SDARKETERNALQUEEN, love and miss you like crazy. twilightgurl22, I love you. Thank you for being such a wonderful friend. To the ladies over on twilighted… sorry for the wait. Thanks for your patience in me.

I dedicate this chapter to both Sweet Pea and to twilightgurl22. I can't wait for a new chapter, Sweet Pea, the last one you wrote was magical and intense. twilightgurl22, this is sent with all my love and prayers that you will be well soon and remember I would move heaven and earth to help you if I could.

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Chapter 21 Out Of Sight, Not Mind Song: The Wurlitzer Prize (I Don't Want To Get Over You) – Waylon Jennings

Reasoning: Well, I was listening to this song during most of my time writing this crazy chapter. Its words kind of made me think of this chapter especially the first few lines of the lyrics.

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Chapter 21: Out Of Sight, Not Mind

**Exactly One Year After Bella's Departure**

"Edward… Edward, please?"

"No. If you want to stay over tonight, go to sleep."

Tanya was pulling at my boxers trying to get them off me, but I kept rolling away from her. The only thing she ever thought about was sex. I wasn't complaining either, well, not completely. I had just a healthy sex drive as the next man, but this woman constantly wanted sex, and I did need a break once in a while.

"Edward…" she wined.

"Damn it, Tanya. Go to sleep or go the hell home. I am tired and I am not in the mood for your bull," I snapped back.

She looked a little annoyed but she finally gave up. I then felt her try to pull herself to me, but I moved away from her, and I guess she finally got the clue that I wasn't in the mood to be messed with, at least not tonight. I just had too many things on my mind and none of them were about having sex with her. My night time thoughts were hardly ever about her.

Shifting my pillow and wrapping my arms around it, I thought about everything that was going on in my life and how different it was now that Bella Swan had walked out of my life and into another. Even thinking her name made my insides hurt. Not in a way that made me sick, but hurt in a way that showed how much I missed her presence in my life.

The night after her departure, I tried to wallow in my sorrows. I went to Tanya and tried to forget it all. I let her take over my life and even with me doing that, and I still felt dirty. My family hated me, and since there was no Bella to hold the balance within my life I threw myself into Tanya's life and in turn I lost most of the things that valued the most…my family, and Bella.

My family has never forgiven me for what happened with Bella. I still kick myself over how I brought Tanya into their lives. I have tried numerous times to tell them that it was truly a misunderstanding, but they said that I should have known better. They kept telling me that Bella was ten times the woman that Tanya would ever be.

Tanya constantly asks why my family hates her so much and I can never tell her why. How do you tell your girlfriend that they hate you because of another girl that they thought was better than she is? I knew if I told her it was because of Bella that Tanya would try to pull me even farther away from my family and deeper into her life, and I really didn't want to loose them any more than what I had already. Even with them not speaking to me that much, I still cared about them.

The only people that would really talk to me were my father, Emmett, and Jasper, but that was pretty limited, especially when the women of their lives were around. My mother never really looked at me anymore. She would speak when necessary, but if she could avoid me, she would. Rosalie's personality towards me has changed so much since Bella's departure from Forks. Her eyes are so cold and unforgiving and she never stays in the same room with me for longer than a few minutes. Alice just glares at me. She knows stuff about Bella but she won't ever tell me. It is so frustrating. I have wanted to ask so many times what was going on with Bella and if she was happy there, but I knew there was no point. I heard Alice talking to her on the phone to find out that she made Alice promise to never tell me anything about her life.

The fact was I truly missed my friend. Sometimes miss wasn't the word that I would use to describe my feelings about it, but it covered it most of the time. There was no denying the fact that I missed her sense of humor or her wit, or her laughter when things went completely crazy. Bella was a major part of my universe and to have her leave my orbit like she did hurt more than she could ever imagine. Plus I could imagine how much she hates me, and honestly I don't blame her in the least. I went against everything that we had ever been through to drop something massive like Tanya in her lap and I expected her to be okay with it. Bella was different about things. It was just so irritating to know that she never gave me a chance to say I was sorry or to make it up to her. I would have made it up to her. I would have done anything for her. How could she not known that?

I knew most of my family was angry since I never have tried to contact her since she left, but I had my reasons, both personal and girlfriend related. Everyday I pick up my phone and I scroll through my phone book and I reach her name and I stare at it, never getting enough courage to push the button to call out to her. I ask myself why I am so afraid of a woman that had been in my life so long but I couldn't bring myself to hear her voice, because I knew it would be filled with either sorrow or anger, or maybe even both. I knew if I called I would be taking a chance it would all be over with Bella and I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't ready to learn that my best friend was gone and there was no way that I could ever get her back. So I chose to be a coward and not call at all and hoped that she would come home sometime and give me a chance to fix what everything, if I could.

My main problem with contacting Bella was Tanya. The first night that I brought Tanya to the house, she let me know in no uncertain terms that she didn't like Bella. That she thought that Bella was after me and that Bella wasn't going to take me away from her. I knew on some level Bella still meant everything she said to me in that garage that night and when Tanya said those things about her, it hurt me and I really didn't understand why. I honestly didn't know what Tanya was capable of doing and I wouldn't know how I would feel if my girlfriend went after my best friend in anyway… maybe I did, but I didn't want to admit to myself that I would pick one over the other.

Tanya feared Bella and has done everything in her power to push Bella from my heart and mind. The picture of prom that sat on my dresser was thrown across the room the first time she came into my room. She screamed at me and told me that I couldn't have pictures of other women in my room and she quickly replaced them with pictures of herself. So I had to hide all my pictures of Bella in a place that she would never look for them, the piano room in the garage.

So my sleeplessness was caused by my constant thoughts about my best friend and it was becoming a normal event in my life. I turned to see Tanya sleeping and it was then that I crawled out of my bed and shut the door behind me. Leaving her alone in bed was starting to become normal, and it was something that she didn't know was happening. I slipped from the bed and pulled the door to when I exited the room.

As I went down the hall and descended the stairs I couldn't help but think back to the night of the prom and how beautiful she was standing at the top of the stairs and how many things that I felt for her in that moment. I knew I shouldn't think about that moment, but something inside me couldn't help itself.

Walking through the house, I realized that Bella haunted me. There was nowhere in this house that didn't remind me of her. Passing through the halls, I went to the kitchen and pulled a Coke from the refrigerator and headed to the kitchen table. The only sound you could hear in the house was the pop of the top on the can and the chair racking across the floor as I pulled it out to sit down.

"Edward?"

I looked over my shoulder to see my father standing in the doorway.

"What are you doing up this late, Edward? I though you and Tanya were in bed," his voice somewhat annoyed especially since he didn't like Tanya being in the house at all.

"She's sleeping, I'm not."

"What's going on with you Edward? You seem like you are trying to be happy when you aren't."

I wasn't happy. I was okay, but not happy. My happiness wasn't around anymore. I just existed, I didn't live. Tanya had brought me to this. As much as I liked her, there was something about her that would keep me from being happy with her.

"I'm fine, Dad. It's nothing really."

"Its Bella, isn't it?"

"Why do all my problems have to revolve around Bella?" I asked, getting angrier by the second.

"Because, Edward, she is the only person that could bring you to this kind of sorrow and you not be ready to hit someone or something."

Sighing, I laid my head against the table top and my father slipped into the room and sat down in front of me. Why was it that my family doesn't want anything to do with me, but they still could pinpoint the exact reason for my grief.

"Edward, why haven't you called Bella?" My father asked.

"I'm coward, that's why."

"You're not a coward. What is the reason?"

"Tanya and fear, I guess."

"Tanya has nothing to do with this, Edward, and you shouldn't be afraid of Bella. You guys have been through enough to withstand anything the world can throw at you. Call her."

"What if she yells at me or…"

"What if the sky falls and the world ends today, would you want carry this with you?" He asked, looking sincerely into my eyes.

"No. I wouldn't."

He smiled as he stood. "Edward, everything isn't lost yet, and you can fix this mess before it's too late if you want to. You just have to figure out how to do it."

He went through the doorway and I heard his footsteps on the stairs, and finally the opening and shutting of the bedroom door. Looking around the room, I saw my phone lying on the counter and I slipped over to pick it up. Flipping it open, scrolled down to her name. Looking at the clock, I saw it was four in the morning here which meant six in the morning there.

It was then that I pushed the button to dial and I watched the screen say that it made the connection and the phone began to ring. I listened to it ring, and ring, but she didn't pick up but I got her voicemail.

"_Hey, this is Bella. If you got this I am sleeping, working, busy, or just ignoring your call. You know the drill, leave a message and I'll get back to you. Bye."_

I hung up before the beep. My mind was swimming with the sound of her voice. I hadn't heard her voice in over a year and when I heard it… it made my heart happy… not content, but purely and truly happy.

"You know most people sleep during this time of day right?"

Glancing over my shoulder I noticed Alice standing there in one of my older t-shirts and a pair of shorts.

"Well, why aren't you sleeping then?" I asked.

"I heard something downstairs and I find you down here. Why aren't you wrapped up in that bitch's arms?"

"Alice…"

"Sorry, it's true though. She's a cold hearted bitch, Edward, and she is doing everything in her power to make you into something that you aren't. Half the stuff you do now, you would have never considered if Bella was still here."

"Bella isn't here though, Ally, and she doesn't want anything to do with me and you swore to her that you wouldn't tell me anything."

She stared at me for a while after I said that. I knew I just stuck my foot into my mouth, but I didn't care, I needed to get a reaction out of her because it might cause her to slip up and say something to me.

"Edward, why do you think Bella doesn't want you to know anything about her? Think about it."

Alice's question confused me, and made me think about everything. She had to be happy there… right? I had to ask, I had to know.

"Alice, what is going on with her? She doesn't have to know that you told. If you tell me I will tell you what you just walked in on a second ago."

Her eyes studied mine and she sighed before she started.

"Bella has been having some very bad nightmares since she left, she wakes herself up screaming at times. Kat's been trying to get her to date, but she won't. Even though Jacob Black keeps trying to get her to go out with him, she still won't…"

"Jacob Black?" I asked my voice was filled with apparent anger.

Jacob Black. That was the guy from the graduation that gave her the roses. He was the guy that I had this bad feeling about and wanted to keep Bella away from. What is he doing in Illinois with her?

"Yeah, he's a graduate student at the same university as Bella. He goes to see her once in a while and asks her to go out with him a lot, but it's only a matter of time before she says yes to him."

The thought of Jacob dating Bella bothered me to no end. Why does it matter though? She's a woman and she has the right to date whomever she wants.

"Edward, this is stuff that Kat has told me, not Bella. So I haven't purposely broken my promise to her, but here's the thing, Bella is so sad and she is trying to be happy, but she can't. Its like her purpose in life is gone and she is just going through the motions. She really misses you, even though she can't admit it to herself."

Hearing that she missed me too made my heartache. It was hard to know how much I missed her, but to know she missed me too, it made things even more complicated.

"What did you do, Edward?" She asked.

"I actually tried to call her," I replied, my eyes staring down at the floor.

Alice surprised me when a smirk came across her lips. She walked in and wrapped her arms around me.

"You are never going to forget her. The love that the two of you share will never die," she whispered and placed a quick kiss on my cheek before she left the room.

_The love that the two of you share will never die…_

Alice's words tugged at my heart. Why? Why does it matter though? I'm with Tanya, even as warped and confused as I am about everything. I cared about her, and I was alright with our relationship for the most part, except the demanding stuff. So, why did Alice's words bother me so much?

**September 2005**

Tanya was becoming more and more demanding and needy. For the past few weeks I have spent so much time in Port Angeles with Tanya, her family, and her friends that I have began to forget what home actually looked like.

Her family and friends were very different from the people I normally spent time with and I was starting to get the questions from her family and friends about when I planned on asking her to marry me and if and when we would move in together. These were questions I wasn't really ready to deal with. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to marry Tanya yet. So the opportunities to sneak away from her for a while was becoming moments that I really treasured.

Normally I would slip out into the garage and go into room that housed my piano and I would play. I would play for hours and hours, trying to work through all my feelings about everything, mostly my thoughts about my friend.

After the anniversary of her departure, I started to come to the garage to begin work on an original piece of music in hopes of getting my feelings worked out so that I could be happy with Tanya. I would write for a few moments, and then strike the keys to let the melody echo throughout the room. Then I would start from the beginning and let the music fill my thoughts and my mind. The music always let me see Bella as I remembered her. The sight of her in my mind would flood my thoughts with everything that we had, and everything that we had been through, especially how sad I was when she left me.

This room, one that I hadn't used very much until the past four or five years, had now become my sanctuary from the world and I treasured the solace it created for me. It was the only place that I knew that I could be alone with my thoughts and find some peace of mind. Mostly, it was a place that I could remember my friend without fear of people saying something against me. I didn't have to worry about Tanya's screams and yells that I shouldn't be thinking about another woman besides her or my family's constant feelings about how I should feel about Bella. This was the place that I could be me and just deal with everything.

I was pulling the door to the piano room closed, when I heard people walking outside of the garage, so I moved away from the doorway as quick as possible, since I didn't want Tanya to come in and actually notice the door. I was leaning into the off-road truck by the time Tanya, Emmett, and Jasper came into the garage.

"Hey, Eddie baby."

I looked over to see Emmett and Jasper trying to keep busting out into laughter. They knew it made me angry for her to call me Eddie, and she still did it anyway. They thought it was just hilarious that I would just glare at her and not say anything else.

She started to wander over toward Bella's couch and started to pick up some of her stuff. I didn't say anything, but I could feel my anger building at the sight of her touching anything that belonged to Bella.

"Baby, I didn't know you liked to read? Why so many books in here?"

She had been in this garage a ton of times, so it made me wonder why all of a sudden she gained an interest in Bella's stuff.

"Leave the stuff alone," I said, my voice sounded as annoyed as I felt.

She turned to look at me like I done something wrong. I had never told her she couldn't do something before. So telling her she couldn't do something was something she wasn't used to hearing. I just knew that I wasn't going to let her bother Bella's books. I never bothered Bella's stuff, and she wasn't going to either.

"Excuse me?" She snarled back to me.

"Put the stuff down and leave it alone," I growled.

"You didn't tell me I couldn't do something, did you? You know how I feel when people do that?"

"I don't give a damn if it makes you mad or glad, leave it alone," I yelled.

Emmett and Jasper were watching the whole situation. They were looking at each other wondering what was going to happen next. They knew it was Bella's stuff sitting there and seeing me fight against Tanya like I was, they didn't know how everything was going to turn out.

"Edward, why does it matter? It's in YOUR garage."

"It doesn't belong to me. Leave it the hell alone."

Her eyes appeared to be filled with fire and she glared back at me like she knew something.

"This belongs to her, doesn't it?" She said through her teeth.

I didn't say a word, but I watched as she turned to my brother and friend who had been silent through the whole fight.

"Does this belong to her?" She asked, waving a book in front of them.

Both of them looked to me for help. They knew that all hell was going to break loose if they told the truth. I knew there was no point in lying to her though. I nodded to them to tell her.

"They belong to Bella," stated Jasper. "So, I would advise you leave them alone."

She jerked back around to glare at me as she threw the book back onto the couch.

"Why do you have her stuff in your garage? I told you to get rid of everything that would be a reminder of her."

"I don't do everything that you say, Tanya," I yelled.

By this time we were face to face yelling at each other. Jasper and Emmett finally came in and pulled us apart to put some distance between us.

"You can't get her out of your head. It's always Bella this and Bella that. I'm your girlfriend, and you can't forget about this other woman," she screamed, Emmett holding her back.

"What do you expect? She's been my friend since I was ten, I can't just forget her."

"Yes, you can and the first thing you are going to do is take this stuff outside and burn it."

"No, it's not mine to burn, Tanya." I stood firm in my thoughts.

She stood there with her arms across her chest and glared daggers at me. I knew that I was in for a very long yelling spree if I didn't, but I didn't matter to me. I couldn't do what she wanted. I wouldn't destroy Bella's stuff to please her.

"I hope you know you are cut off now."

She turned around and walked out of the garage leaving me with Emmett and Jasper. Sighing I leaned my back up against the front fender of the off-road truck, putting my hand over my eyes, in hopes of clearing my thoughts. I could careless if she thought taking sex out of my life would hurt me. The thought of doing something to Bella hurt more, than anything that woman could say or do to me.

"Why do you stay with her?"

I looked up to see my brother staring at me, his arms across his chest.

"Emmett, lay off."

"Edward, you don't even like the girl, and you just keep putting up with her. You let her screech at you constantly. It's not worth it."

"I don't want to hear it, Emmett," I said, closing my eyes in hopes of pushing the raging emotions in my body to rest.

"Edward, you deserve better than that. You know I think of you as my brother, and you need someone that can make you happy and it's not her."

I always told Jasper that he was an old soul, in a young body. I knew he was right, but who else out there in this world would put up with me?

I threw myself on Bella's couch and put my face in my hands. I was too frustrated. Too many people wanted too many different things and it was starting to drive me insane.

"Edward…"

I looked up to notice, Emmett had left and only Jasper remained. He must have told Emmett that he would talk to me.

I scooted over and he sat down beside me.

"You don't have to keep doing this. Tanya isn't worth it. You can find someone else to love you and not yell like a banshee at you every minute."

"It's not that simple, Jasper."

"Why not?"

That was a good question. Why not? Why couldn't I find someone else? She wasn't the only woman in the world.

"I don't know," I muttered, placing my face back in my hands.

"Edward, you don't love Tanya. That much is clear, but you can find someone that does love you, and will love you unconditionally. Look at me and Alice. We don't fight, we compliment each other in every possible way. That is the kind of relationship you need."

"Thanks, Jasper. I think I need sometime to myself though."

He stood and I heard the garage door shut behind him. Taking a deep breath, I tried to clear my mind yet again, and I looked over at the book that Tanya had picked up and picked it up myself. _Gone With the Wind_.

How ironic?

Staring at the book, I could see her in my mind sitting here, her glasses on the tip of her nose, and her eyes flying across the pages. I placed it back where Tanya picked it up from and I stood, only to turn back to look at the couch. This was the only things of her I had now. A couch and a few of her books, and couple of pictures that I had to keep hidden from Tanya… how sad is that?

Tanya's words rang in my mind. She was right, I couldn't forget Bella. No matter how much I tried, it was a loosing battle. So, I headed for the house, knowing what I was in for, but I knew deep inside I wasn't alone. Bella was always with me at least in my heart and she would stay there as long as I let her be there. Even though, she was far away, and maybe even hated me, I still felt her presence in my life and held our friendship close to my heart. With Bella's friendship, anything was possible.


	23. Chapter 22: I'm Moving On

Hello Everyone.

I know it's been almost two weeks and I can explain and have a good reason. I am currently enrolled in this accelerated Spanish class which has been consuming massive amounts of my time. The best way to describe this class is that its 32 weeks worth of college Spanish in 20 days. You read right, 20 days. So, I have had no time to do anything at all for the past two weeks except read Spanish stuff. Plus, I went back to work as a server so I have that cutting into my writing time too. So, I am not doing so hot in the class so I have to spend most of my time studying or waiting tables.

I want to also say that this is going to be the last chapter until I get done with my Spanish class though. The last day is July 30th so you can expect a chapter soon after. I have ideas for the next chapter, just don't have the time to write it at the moment.

I want to thank everyone that has been reading and reviewing the story. I love you guys. It keeps me inspired and it really means the world to me. Keep reviewing and remember that review number 1000 gets to ask me something about the story.

The Normal Stuff (Dang, I have written this a lot…): The Twilight series and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Support all the lovely stories on my faves and their authors.

I also want to give credit to the writer(s) that wrote the song, "I'm Moving On" that was sung by Rascal Flatts. It fit so well with the chapter, so I give you credit and praise your talent.

I send my love out to twilightgurl22, Stormy Bella, CARLISLE'SDARKETERNALQUEEN, Goo82, halojones, amblovestoread, withthevampiresofcourse, Gustariana, and to all the other lovely ladies out there on twilighted (dot) net. You guys are just wonderful and it is your funny personalities that keep me going and keep my sanity through the insane Spanish class.

So, I dedicate this chapter to the Three Amigas and the ladies of twilighted. Thank you for being dolls and waiting for me to get caught up on stuff.

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Chapter 22 I'm Moving On Songs (Yes, you read it right, songs.): I'm Moving On – Rascal Flatts & He Ain't Worth Missing – Toby Keith

Reasoning: Well, I thought both these songs are kind of fitting for this chapter. The Rascal Flatts song is kind of Bella's theme for this chapter and the Toby Keith song could be Jake's song to Bella about Edward.

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Chapter 22: I'm Moving On

**May 2006**

My life was moving on and my old life in Forks was now becoming a distant memory. It has been almost two years since I left Washington and Illinois was becoming more and more like home.

I'm not saying that I didn't miss the Cullens, or my parents, or some of my other minor friends, but it was slowly becoming easier to envision myself here and having a future here. My mind would constantly wander back to the moments before I got on that plane to come here and my conversation with Charlie. My fears of coming here before the flight were now completely forgotten, though things are not necessarily great either.

In the past few months, Mom called to let me know that Charlie has began to suffer from some health issues. The doctor gave him a massive list of things that he was suffering from. It started with high blood pressure and continued with high cholesterol, and finally that his heart wasn't function as a health person's would. In simple words… congestive heart failure. Charlie wasn't necessarily old, but he wasn't getting any younger by any means.

The last time I talked to him on the phone, he wanted to make it appear that it wasn't as bad as it sounded. He didn't want me to worry, but that was typical Charlie. He would protect his family before letting anyone know how bad off he really was. It was his way of keeping me from worrying about him, but I did worry… he's my father, so I had to worry about him some. I actually considered getting on a plane and heading back to Washington to help take care of everything, but he told me that he wouldn't stand for that. His response was that my future was in Illinois, not in Forks. Mostly I think it was just his way to keep me away from Edward, especially now that he found out why I never broke down to tell Edward about my departure.

My whole school experience continued and I had to work hard to keep up with all my classes. Kat finished during the previous semester and was patiently waiting to hear from graduate school. She was always telling me that she wanted to be someone and she decided that to do that, she needed to get a PhD. So that meant that she was working constantly while I either worked at the restaurant or was working on many of my writing projects.

Both Alice and Kat were still constantly bugging me about Jacob Black too. The now twenty-seven year old man still remained unattached and it was to the amazement of many people that knew him. Since he graduated with his masters, he has remained around the area working for the local paper. What surprised many was that he would still come to the campus to either walk me to class or to take me out to lunch. It was nice to have Jake as my friend, though we appeared to be a couple, we both knew we were just friends.

So, this day wasn't any different from any other. As I exited Lawson Hall, I saw the dark skinned man sitting on a bench not far from door.

"Hey, beautiful," he smirked as he spoke.

"Hey, Jake."

"So, what do you want for lunch?" He asked as he grabbed my hand to lead me across campus.

"No idea. I don't even know if I am hungry," I mumbled as I pulled out my phone to check for new text messages.

"Hey Jake!"

We both turned to see two women running toward us. I didn't pay that much attention to them though. Jake was rather popular among the people in his old department, especially with his old female colleagues.

"Hey Rory… Christa," he mumbled as they came toward us.

The women were beautiful, but they couldn't compare to Rosalie. One was a tall, leggy blonde, and the other was a little shorter with slightly curly brunette hair. Both had perfect skin and flawless facial features. I never raised my eyes to meet theirs though, I just continued to stare down at my message that I had received from Alice.

"You spend so much time here, why don't you just get back into the program and get your doctorate?" Asked the one that I guessed was Rory.

"Nope, I'm done with the school thing… plus I have a new job lined up and I don't really want to do the school thing anymore."

"So, you found a hot woman yet, Jake?" Asked the blonde.

I glanced up for a second and pressed my lips into a tight smile to keep myself from busting out into laughter. I just continued to stare at my phone. I knew both women were staring at me, but honestly I really didn't care that much anymore. It was becoming a normal thing to have people staring at me when Jake was around.

"No… I am waiting for the one," he stated, not even blinking an eye.

I walked away from them so Jake could finish talking to them, mostly to keep from hearing his comments. I knew who he was referring to and I wasn't going to listen to him talk about me with me standing about a foot away from him.

I turned back to see him arguing with them. I walked back toward him a little. I went close enough that I could hear what they were saying to each other. I guess my curiosity was going to end up getting me.

"Why do you spend so much time with a little girl, Jake, when you could have a woman?" Asked the blonde.

"It's none of your damn business who I spend time with. Plus, she's ten times the woman that either of you are."

"She's never going to give you the time of day… why we don't know either…" sneered Rory.

Those words cut me deep in my soul. I knew why I couldn't give him the time of day. It was more than just my feelings for Edward that was keeping me from being anything more with Jake. I was worried that I could loose another friend if it all turned out badly.

"You want to know something…I'll wait forever for her because she's worth it," he yelled.

He turned and had my hand in his before I could even realize it. Quickly he was leading me away from the two flabbergasted women that were glaring daggers at the back of my head.

"I'm sorry, Bella."

I turned to look over at his eyes, to see them filled with sorrow and regret.

"It's nothing, Jake. We are friends, and if they can't understand that, well, it's their problem. Not ours."

"Bella…"

I knew what he was thinking. It didn't take rocket science for me to know, especially since it wasn't anything new. His mind was always in this place when it came to me, and I doubt that it would ever change.

"Bella, people see us all the time and they think we are this couple, and why couldn't we be? I know I'm not him, but…"

He knew better than to mention Edward's name. I finally broke down about a year ago and told him about Edward, and since then, he has done nothing but try to prove to me that he isn't Edward, but someone better than him. No one could replace Edward in my life, even if he was being a complete jerk at the moment.

"Bella, I have loved you for so long, and to see you all the time, and not get the chance to touch you… it drives me crazy," his voice an almost seductive whisper.

We had now stopped on the sidewalk, and he reached up to place his hand against my face. His touch warmed my skin and made my stomach fill with butterflies. I didn't know it at the time, but I was leaning into his touch. However, when I did, I quickly moved away from him, trying to act as if I didn't react to him like that.

"Jake, you know Edward isn't the reason that I won't date you… I don't want to ruin our friendship," I stated, hoping it would cause the subject to be dropped.

"You sound like Edward when you said that…"

"What?!" I exclaimed.

"You told me that he didn't want to date you because he didn't want to ruin the friendship that you shared, and now you just said the same thing to me. You thought that you could have had a chance with Edward, but when I want the same thing you wanted from Edward, you shoot me down."

His words hurt, but he was right. I always thought that Edward and I could have been this great thing, but he never wanted to give it a try, and here Jake was wanting the same thing from me and I kept shooting his advances down. I was a hypocrite, plain and simple, but did I really want to take that chance with Jake though? Did I want to take this chance that everything would fall apart and then I could loose the person that had become one of my closest friends since Edward and Alice?

"Bella… all I want is a chance. You're twenty years old and you haven't gone on a date since you moved here. Give me the chance to be the guy that shows you how a man is supposed to treat a woman."

I couldn't help myself, but I continued to stare up into his warm, dark eyes. I was speechless, and everything he was saying was spinning in my mind, confusing me more and more.

"Isabella Swan, go out with me?"

I couldn't bring myself to speak, so I only nodded shyly, dropping my eyes to the ground. When I finally did look up, I saw Jacob smiling at me. He moved slowly toward me and pulled me into his arms. His body was huge in comparison to mine, and his arms wrapped tightly around me.

"You will not be sorry, my Bella. I will show you that you are truly goddess on Earth," he whispered into my ears.

For that moment, I was at peace. I was happy to be there with Jacob Black. I even found it strange that I was this comfortable with Jacob. I never felt this safe with any man besides Edward, but this man made me feel things that I never thought possible with anyone but my best friend. Maybe this was a good idea… I would just have to wait to see how it turned out.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

When I came home and told Kat about my upcoming date with Jacob, she was thrilled. I hadn't seen her that excited in forever.

"I told you that you would go out with him eventually. I told you. I told you," she said mockingly.

"Real mature, Kat. I sometimes wonder which one of us is really the adult."

She burst out into laughter and continued dancing around the room. Suddenly, the apartment phone began to ring. Kat ran over to the phone and picked it up.

"You are not going to believe this Alice…"

Alice?! No… I don't want her to know just yet. If she finds out she would be tempted to tell Edward about it, and I wasn't ready for him to find out about Jake. Running across the room, I grabbed the phone from Kat and pulled it up to my ear.

"Hey, Ally. How are you?" Hoping that I sounded completely innocent.

"_What don't you want Kat to tell me, Bella?"_ Her voice full of suspension.

"Nothing, Alice. Nothing."

"_You're lying to me Bella, and I know it. Spill it or I will call back when you aren't home so Kat can tell me."_

I couldn't help but sigh. I knew as soon as Alice found out about my date with Jake, that it would set things into motion that I wasn't really sure I was ready for.

"I agreed to go out with Jake over the weekend."

The next thing I heard was a loud squeal from the other end of the phone and Alice yelling to Jasper.

"_Jasper, get on the phone, we're going to Illinois."_

"Alice, no. It's nothing. It's just a date."

"_It's not just any date, silly, it's your first date and it's with a hot guy like Jacob Black. I am totally coming in for this one. Who is going to help you get ready for it? Kat? I don't think so."_

I turned to see Kat glaring at me. I knew she heard Alice's complaints about her ability to help me prepare for a date.

"_We'll get tickets and I'll call when we know when we'll be arriving."_

Before I could say anything at all, Alice had already hung up. I slammed the phone down and turned to glare back at my cousin who appeared to be somewhat cowering in the corner of the room.

"Thanks a lot, Katrina. Now, Edward is going to find out about this and it's going to be blown out of proportion."

"You're worried about a man that still hasn't called except for that one time and he never left a message for you. Come on, Bella, get a grip."

I couldn't take anymore of this, so I stormed out of the room and slammed my bedroom door behind me. Throwing myself on my bed, I began to think about what she said. It shouldn't matter. Yes, Edward did try to call me once, but that was almost two years ago and lots of things had happened since then. I have become close friends with Jake and now I was about to give him a chance that he had always wanted. The fact was that I had been putting off Jake's feelings for so long and it was because I was dwelling on my past feelings for a man that didn't love me in return. I was acting like a complete fool!

My cell phone then began to ring and I picked it up to see Alice's name flashing.

"Yes, Alice."

"_Jasper and I will be in St. Louis around six tomorrow night. Can you pick us up?"_

"I guess. You really don't have to come though Alice, it's really not a big deal."

"_This is a perfect reason to get to come and visit you. I haven't seen you in so long, and I want to see you. Even Jasper misses you."_

"I believe that," I said sarcastically.

"_He really does. Everyone does."_

"I really don't see why everyone is so excited about me going out on this date with Jake."

"_You will see why soon enough. I'll see you tomorrow, Bells. Bye."_

I flipped my phone shut and leaned back onto my bed. I was going on a date with Jake. Jacob Black. He was the guy that had been trying to get me to date him since I was eighteen, and now I was now finally giving him the chance that he had been begging me for. I rolled over and pulled my pillow close and closed my eyes, hoping for a sweet dream, but found nothing there. No dream, nothing but quiet and peaceful slumber.

**T****he Next Day… A Day Before The Date**

My city driving wasn't that great so Kat was going to St. Louis to pick up Alice and Jasper from the airport. So I was relaxing on the couch with my latest book purchase. My glasses sat on the bridge of my nose, and I let my eyes fly across the pages. It was one of my normal purchases too. Most of my books had a variety of paranormal elements… vampires, werewolves, and witches.

My cell phone began to sing Rosalie's ring and I reached for my phone.

"Hey Rose. It's been a while since you called."

"_Sorry, I have been busy with my job and dealing with Emmett. You know what I mean."_

I couldn't help but laugh. Emmett was a handful for everyone, no telling how much of a handful he was for Rosalie.

"So what do I owe you the honor of this call," I asked.

"_I wanted to ask you about your thoughts and feelings for Jacob Black."_

Typical Rose… always curious about my life.

"It seems like everyone in Forks is interested in my dating life, or lack there of up to this point."

"_I guess you can say that. We have been hoping that you would find someone. We just want you to be happy, and if it's with Jacob Black… so be it."_

"Does he know?"

I had to ask, I had to know if Alice blabbed to Edward yet about my date with Jake, not that he would care in the first place.

"_No, Alice knew you wouldn't want him to know so she just told him that her and Jasper were going on weekend getaway and that they would be back sometime on Monday."_

"I'm glad she did that. I'm not ready for that news to spread to Forks."

I couldn't help how my heart was feeling at that moment though. It was still pounding out of my chest, and the thought that Edward knowing that I was going to be going on a date with Jacob bothered me on some level. My fragile heart felt as if I was betraying him, even though I knew it didn't matter. It was obvious that he didn't want anything to do with me since I hadn't heard from him in over two years.

"_I mostly wanted to call and wish you good luck and I hope that he sweeps you off your feet."_

That was when I heard a crash in the background on her end and a faint voice from somewhere near Rose.

"_**Rosie, I need your help…"**_

"_I got to go, Bells, it sounds like Emmett has broken something and I am either going to have to help him or kill him, so I will call to find out how it went soon. Bye."_

"Bye."

Snapping my phone closed I sighed. I couldn't help it. Everyone was making a bigger deal out of this date with Jake than it really needed to be, but then why did the thought of Edward knowing about the date bother me so?

After I sat my glasses on the coffee table along with my book, I curled up on the couch with one of the pillows and closed my eyes. I needed the quiet time. I slowly drifted off into a peaceful slumber.

"Hey woman, we fly all the way from Washington and you are sleeping when we get here."

I rolled over to see Alice's sparkling eyes looking at me.

"ALICE!" I squealed.

Jumping up from the couch I wrapped my arms around her small frame. I saw Jasper standing in the doorway, but he didn't come in to room. He knew we girls were having a moment.

After Alice finally released me from her bone crushing hug, I walked over to Jasper and wrapped my arms around him as well.

"I've missed you Jasper. It's been too long since we have talked."

"Its not the same without you Bells. We all miss you so much," stated Jasper as he pulled himself back to meet my eyes.

"I know you are fine without me. I've been gone long enough it shouldn't matter anymore."

"We'll never be fine without you, Bella," exclaimed Alice as she grabbed my hand and led me back to the couch.

"Don't you think you are being a little melodramatic there, Alice?" I asked, looking at her like she speaking in gibberish.

"We really do miss you. All of us do. Even he misses you."

"Don't Alice. I don't want to think about him. He doesn't care what I am doing, and I have done a really good job of keeping my emotions in check lately and having him brought up isn't going to help me at all. He's with Tanya and happy, so just drop it."

I watched as my cousin and my friends turned and began to look at each other rather strangely. I kept watching and it became clear that they all knew something that I didn't know.

"What's going on guys?" I asked.

Jasper looked at both my cousin and Alice before he spoke.

"Edward and Tanya haven't been getting along real great, and it's mostly because of you."

That statement wasn't really making that much sense to me. How could I be causing issues for someone that I hadn't even talk to for almost two years?

"Tanya noticed some of your stuff that is still out in the garage and she freaked out on Edward just a little, and he basically told her to shove off."

I looked over at Kat for a second wondering if she knew this.

"Yeah, I knew. Alice called and told me about it."

"Is everyone talking about stuff and choosing to keep me in the dark?"

"We didn't want to upset you, little cousin. It's just a fight, nothing to get all worked up over. Plus you have Jake to be thinking about, not the clueless wonder," explained Kat.

"Yeah, Bella, it's really nothing, promise." Alice did the childish crossing of her heart too.

That didn't help me in believing what they were telling me was the truth. Something was going on and it was clear that I wasn't meant to know exactly what it was… at least not yet.

"So, we all need sleep. Got lots planned for tomorrow," squealed Alice while she clapped her hands excitedly.

"I have a date tomorrow so I can't do too much."

"I have made a few appointments to get you ready for said date. Jacob Black isn't going to know what to think when I am through with you, Bella Swan."

Her eyes twinkled with mischief and I turned to see the other two looking off into space as if they didn't have one clue to what Alice was talking about, but I knew that both knew what was planned. I knew that they would lie about it if I asked, so I just didn't and hoped for the best.

**The Next Day... The Day of the Date**

"Bella get up!" Yelled Alice.

I couldn't help but groan as I tried to roll back over in hopes of going back to sleep, however the next thing I knew as that my cover was being ripped off my body causing me to pull myself into a ball in hopes of keeping myself from freezing. This was really bringing some bad memories from my high school years.

"Alice, what the hell? It's... seven in the morning. Nothing is open yet. Let me sleep please," I begged.

"Lots of thing to do today, Bella. Come on… get up."

I rolled over and shoved my face down in the pillow. This had to be a nightmare. There was no way that this was really happening to me. There was no way that I was really going on a date with Jacob Black tonight. My mind was swimming with the very idea that at exactly seven o'clock that he would be by to pick me up for my first actual date.

The whole idea seemed strange to me. I always thought that my first date would have been with Edward. Now it had become crystal clear that it would never happen that way, especially with Tanya in the picture.

"Move it. Shower and get those clothes on. I made you a hair appointment at eight thirty."

I heard my bedroom door close and I finally got up and grabbed my toiletries before heading down the hall to the bathroom. As I walked I could hear Alice, Jasper, and Kat talking. Kat was going to show Jasper around a little and show him many of the local historical places. Both of them are majoring in history so they always had lots of things to talk about. History was an okay subject, but I am glad that I picked English and writing.

Turning on the shower, I pulled off my clothes and stepped into the scalding stream of water. The water beat against the skin of my back and it caused my weary body to relax some especially since I was absolutely terrified of my upcoming date. I didn't know why I was that worried either. Jake had been my friend for a while, not a friend like Edward, but a friend still.

"Come on Bells. We have about forty minutes till your appointment," called Alice from the other side of the bathroom door.

I quickly scrubbed my skin and wash my hair with my favorite strawberry shampoo. I quickly used the blow dryer and wrapped myself in my fuzzy bath robe and went back to my room to find that Alice had already laid out clothes for me to wear. It was nothing extravagant but wasn't something that I would normally pick out for myself. She laid a simple pair of Capris along with a pale baby pink peasant top.

I pulled on the clothes and clipped my hair up. There was no point in doing anything to it since Alice was planning something for me. With Alice, no telling what I was in store for.

As soon as I stepped out of my door, Alice grabbed me by the hand and drug me out to my trusty truck and threw me into the passenger seat while she got behind the wheel.

She slipped the truck into reverse and turned up the radio as the drove from the apartment to wherever it was she was taking me to.

About ten minutes later, she pulled into the parking lot for one of the local hair salons. Alice jumped out enthusiastically and ran over to my side to pull me toward the door.

The woman behind the counter was smiling as we entered.

"Hello ladies. Can I help you?" She asked.

"Yes, my friend has an appointment with Lisa," said Alice.

"Have a seat. She hasn't made it in just yet. It should only be a few moments."

Sitting down I began to look around the salon at the variety of styling products when a small woman with black hair came out to greet us.

"Hi. I'm Lisa and who is Bella?"

I slowly stood and the small woman led me to a chair. Alice followed closely behind us.

"So... what do we want to do today?"

It was then that Alice went into this discussion with Lisa about what she thought I should have done to my hair. I knew there as no point in even speaking at all so I just kept quiet.

A few minutes later I was being led into another part of the salon and Lisa was putting globs of crème on my hair to have me sitting beneath a hair dryer for a while. I just kept my eyes closed to what was going on around me, praying that I didn't look weird when it was all said and done with.

After my time under the dryer, Lisa went to work cutting at my hair. Twenty minutes later she tells me to open my eyes and when I did I could hardly recognize the woman staring back at me. My hair was a darker shade of brown and been cut into layers.

"What do you think?"

I turned to the stylist and smiled back to her.

Alice quickly paid, much to my disapproval. The next stop was a nail salon and then to a store to buy 'the perfect outfit.' Alice had this vision of what she thought I should be like and she quickly found what she as looking for.

By five that evening Alice was helping me into the clothes she picked out and was putting the finishing touches on my hair along with doing my makeup. She was finally finished just a little before seven.

It was then that I started to panic. My mind actually started to scream, "You are actually going on a date with Jake."

"Calm down Bella. You look absolutely stunning and Jake will think so too." said Alice as I began to pace the floor.

It was at that moment that there was a knock on the door. I turned to Alice and she must have felt my apparent fear because she walked past me to open the door. I slowly stepped back toward the doorway of the living room in hopes of him not seeing me as soon as the door opened.

When the door opened, I almost gasped when I saw him standing there beyond the doorway. I couldn't believe that my heart was now fluttering yet again. In that moment I began to see Jacob Black in a new light. Yes, he was still the person that I considered to be my friend but now there as something more to it though. Dressed in a dark button-down shirt that showed how defined his muscular chest was along with a tight pair of jeans. If I was the type of woman that fainted, I probably could have in that moment. How could someone that looked like him want someone like me?

"Hey, Alice. I didn't know you were going to be around here."

"I thought it was time to come out for a visit. I have really missed Bella a lot since she moved here."

I kept watching him and it was clear that he was searching the room for me as well. Alice finally moved from in front of the door and let him inside and when his eyes met mine that I felt weak at the knees. His eyes then traveled along my body examining how I looked.

Alice picked out this black dress that was very classy, but was a little shorter than I would have actually picked out along with stiletto high heals. With the help of a curling iron, she flipped my hair out some which gave me a completely different look than I was used to, and with the slight touch of makeup, it gave my skin a soft glow. The only color that was really noticeable was the shimmering pink gloss that she insisted that I wear.

Jake stood there in silence for a moment and he then started to walk toward me. I couldn't move. I could have sworn that I was in a trance and it was Jacob that had placed me under his spell. He was giving off this energy that was completely different from the friendly energy that I was used to, but that of a man that was very handsome and desirable that only had eyes for me.

"Hello, beautiful," he whispered as he reached out to take my hand.

When his hand met mine, I felt my body shutter as if it was cold, but it was more than that. It was like a charge of energy shot through me when his hand reached mine. My eyes glanced up to his and they were so very deep but so warm.

"You ready?" He asked.

"Yeah," I said, especially since I was having trouble forming sentences that were longer than a few words.

As I followed Jake out, I turned to see Alice smiling at me and her mouthing the words, 'good luck.' She shut the door behind me as Jake took my hand, yet again, and led me to his car. It wasn't anything fancy, but it was something that got him from place to place. Opening the door for me, I slipped into the passenger seat, and he shut the door before walking around to the other side of the car.

When he got in, the waves of nervous feelings came over me again. I started to wonder why I was really so nervous. It wasn't like I didn't know him. I had known Jake forever, and here I was getting all jittery because he was now taking me out on an actual date.

He turned the key and the car rumbled to life, and he turned on the radio to a jazz and blues radio station. As we drove one of my favorite Frank Sinatra songs came on the radio and I began to hum along with the radio. I quickly realized that Jake was watching me closely and I stopped suddenly. I couldn't help the blush that began to creep across my face and so I just looked down to stare at my hands to keep him from seeing how red I was becoming. Over time I had become so comfortable with Jake that I really didn't think too much about what I did when I was around him. Now that I was out on a date with him I needed to be more careful to keep from doing things that would embarrass me and cause me to blush like crazy.

"You don't have to stop. I love listening to you."

I looked over to him to see the sparkling of joy in his eyes. It was obvious that he really did care about me even though I had been oblivious to it until this point. Looking back down at my hands, it shocked me when he reached out and touched one of mine with his massive one.

His touch was different. His touch was nothing like the touch of the hands that my heart had craved for so long and loved, but it was just too similar. I let my eyes glance up from beneath my eye lashes at him and gave him a soft smile.

He pulled into the parking lot of one of the local restaurants and slipped the car into park. He quickly came around to my side and again opened my door. With an extended arm, he led me inside.

The hostess was apparently taken by Jake because I noticed her eyes going up and down his body within the first few seconds of being inside and she continued to smile at him as he walked toward her.

"I have a reservation. Two for Black," he said without even noticing the beautiful hostess.

Looking down at the book, she finally picked up two menus and led us into the dinning room, Jake never releasing my arm. The hostess finally sat the menus down on the table and told us that our server would be with us in a few moments and quickly left us. In a few moments, the server came to ask for our drink orders and quickly left to retrieve them.

I didn't want him to notice how much I was blushing so I tried to keep my menu up in front of my face. Just being here with him like this was making me even more nervous, especially since I didn't deserve someone like Jake. Mostly, I couldn't believe that he went to this much trouble for me, just plain Bella. Nothing special, just ordinary.

The server came back and brought my iced tea and Jake's glass of wine and quickly took our order and left a basket of bread. I couldn't bring myself to look at anything but my glass. As I sat there, I noticed that my nervousness was becoming noticeable since I was tracing the rim of my glass with my finger.

"Don't be nervous, Bells."

I couldn't see my eyes, but I knew that I had to have looked shocked when he spoke.

"I'm not nervous."

He chuckled as he reached for my hand across the table.

"You haven't been able to look at me for more than a minute before you either stare at your hands or your feet and now you are tracing the rim of your glass. It's just me, Bella. You know that. I'm not any different from the guy that has been your friend for the past couple of years."

He was right and I knew it and I kept telling myself that too. It was hard to believe that I was here on a date with a guy that I swore that I would never date and I actually was okay with the idea of being here with him. Maybe age has changed me some, though it has only been a couple of years.

"I know. It's just a little different."

"Bad different, good different, or not sure yet?" He asked, trying to make the mood a little lighter.

"Good different, Jake," I said with a smile.

Our food was brought out and we talked about a little bit of everything. He talked about his friends from La Push and I talked about my other friends and some of my other family members that had a tendency of doing crazy and funny things. We laughed so much and I honestly had a wonderful time.

It was when the restaurant began to play music that many of the people stood and stepped out onto the dance floor and wrapped their arms around their other half and swayed with the music.

"Would you dance with me?" He asked as he stood, extending his hand to me.

"Dancing really isn't one of my strong points, Jake."

"Please… I'll keep you safe," he promised.

I reached out and his warm hand led me to the dance floor and a very fitting song began to play. Jake's arms wrapped around me and he began to lead me around the floor and I couldn't help but watch him the entire time. His eyes watched mine and kept searching them as if he wanted to find something that he was longing for.

After three or four songs, he left money to pay for our dinner and the tip and he escorted me out of the restaurant and down the street.

"Where are we going?" I asked out of curiosity.

"I want to take you to one of my favorite places ever."

He didn't say anything else, but kept walking until we walked into the local park and down one of the lighted paths. He stopped for a moment and placed his hands over my eyes.

"I want it to be a surprise," he whispered.

Jake's body was pressed up against my back and was walking slowly with me when we come to a sudden stop.

"Ready?" He asked.

"Yeah…"

His hands moved away from my eyes and we were standing in a gazebo out on the pond of the park. Out across the water, you could see the stars sparkling down and not far from the gazebo was the fountain that was spraying toward the heavens, lighted from beneath the water.

"What do you think, Bella?"

"Jake, I didn't know this place was so beautiful at night. I never have been here like this."

I turned and walked toward the far side of the gazebo and reached the railings and stared out to the rippling water watching the image of the stars from above reflecting back up to me.

I turned around to speak to Jake and it was then that I slammed against his stone-like chest and he wrapped his arms around me. I met his eyes and they smoldered with longing and his hand reached up to caress my cheek.

What happened next changed everything. I watched as that smoldering desire that sat deep within his eyes became action and he leaned forward and brought his lips to mine.

At first, I was shocked, unsure of what to do. I had never been kissed before. I felt Jake leaning into me, and it surprised me how warm and soft his lips were against mine. When the shock finally wore off some, I felt my body reacting to his touch. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer allowing my lips to move in sync with his. My heart beat was erratic but I didn't care. All I cared about in that moment was his lips against mine.

He finally pulled back, breathing hard, and leaned his head against my forehead. I was breathing heavily as well.

"I always wondered how soft your lips were," he said seductively.

I couldn't speak since I couldn't form coherent thoughts. I just knew that I had just experienced something that I never thought I would experience. Especially not with Jacob Black.

"Say something, my angel," he begged.

"Wow."

That was the only thought I could form at the moment. He chuckled and leaned down to kiss the tip of my nose and then my cheeks, and my eyes. Every place he touched, left a tingling sensation that I had never felt, but wanted more of.

He pulled me back up against his chest and wrapped his arms around me and we watched the fountain and water for what felt like forever. Finally he took my hand and we walked from the park to his car and he drove me back to the apartment.

Walking with me up the stairs to the apartment he stood with me outside the door, and I knew that Alice wasn't too far from the door, listening to see what we said to each other.

"Bella, I don't think you realize how much tonight meant to me and I hope you want to go out with me again."

Did I want to do this again? What about Edward?

_Forget him,_ my mind screamed. Jake was here and it was clear that Edward was never going to get the clue that I wanted him. Jake was sweet and wonderful and any woman would be lucky to have him. The best thing was that he wanted me because he liked me.

"I had so much fun, Jake. Of course I want to go out again," I said with a blush.

He wrapped his arms around me and I wrapped mine around him as well. This was what it was supposed to feel like. No sadness. Just happy feelings.

"So, what do I call you when people ask me what you are to me?" He asked his eyes still full of adoration and playfulness.

"I have no idea. What do you want me to be called?"

"My girlfriend," he whispered.

I pulled back to look into his eyes, and I saw how hopeful they were and how much he wanted me to be that special person in his life.

"I think I am okay with that," I said with a smile.

He squeezed me, and leaned his head down into the crook of my neck for a moment. I leaned against him, and took a deep breath, taking in his scent.

He pulled back and looked at me for a moment, before he leaned in and kissed me softly. He told me good night and I watched him walk down the hall and down toward the stairway. I touched my lips and continued to stare down the hall that he just passed through.

In this one day, my life was changed. I was actually moving forward with my life, the life that didn't have Edward in it. The best thing was that during the majority of the date, Edward was the farthest thing from my mind. Having Jake in my life was going to be a plus and in turn let me become the person I was meant to be. Not the shell of a person that I had been for the past few years. I dwelt so much on how I felt about Edward that I let my life become consumed by it.

As I walked into the apartment, I could hear Alice, Jasper, and Kat talking in the kitchen and the radio playing in the background. I couldn't help but laugh when I heard the song… "I'm Moving On." How funny!

I tossed my purse down and headed to the kitchen for my interrogation that I knew I was in store for. I couldn't help but remember the lines as I walked too…

"_I'm movin' on  
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me  
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone  
There comes a time in everyone's life  
When all you can see are the years passing by  
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone."_

The song was right… I was moving on.


	24. Chapter 23: The Proposal

Greetings Everyone.

Finally I have the new chapter posted. I have been working on this for the last day or so and now it's finished.

The Spanish class is over, and well… let's not talk about it. It might make me cry.

I am happy to have some free time on my hands and to all you lovely people that I haven't reviewed to yet, I am just a little bit behind in my fan fic reading so just hang in there with me. I will read and review. Promise.

This chapter is likely to take this story over the 1000 review mark so I will be watching to see who is lucky review number 1000. You get to ask me something about the story within reason... I don't want to give too much info away, but I will be generous with my response.

The Normal Ramblings: The Twilight series and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Please support the people that are on my favorites and their stories.

To the Three Amigas… well, I love you guys. You totally brighten my day up. Oh, and to the ladies over on twilighted, you are just wonderful, and give me all kinds of sunny and happy feelings. Thanks for your kindness.

I want to dedicate this chapter to amblovestoread, halojones, and to my sister twilightgurl22. amblovestoread thanks for listening to my ranting and raving about the Spanish class. Halo, thanks for being totally understanding about my whole studying situation and my inability to update during that time. twilightgurl22, thanks for helping me prepare for the evil oral exam for the Spanish class. Your thoughts, your time, and you consideration did not go unnoticed.

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Chapter 23 The Proposal Song: Jealous Guy by Gavin DeGraw  
Reasoning: This song could be Edward's song if he wasn't in so much denial about his feelings about Bella, but I think the whole point of being jealous is what he is even if he doesn't know it. Silly Clueless Wonder.

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Chapter 23: The Proposal

**October 2006**

"See you in the morning, Edward."

I turned back to my boss and yelled back before I jumped on my bike to head home.

So much had changed for me lately. I had finished my degree and I was now working in the local car dealership in Port Angeles as chief mechanic. It wasn't the best paying job, but it was a job and it was something that I liked to do.

As I rode back toward Forks, I couldn't help but think about how much my life had changed up to this point. My family was being rather secretive lately. I kept asking and asking, but they kept changing the subject. The funny thing was that it started a few months ago after Alice and Jasper went on that trip. It was a trip that neither would ever really talk about.

My mind seemed to drift off to random thoughts and I didn't even notice that I had arrived home until I was turning the key and stepping off my bike. Walking up to the front door, I could hear that Rosalie was there and that she and my mother and sister were talking rapidly about something. I pushed the door open and it was then that I heard what they were talking about.

"That was so sweet of him. I wish Emmett would do those kinds of things for me," sighed Rosalie.

"She got lucky with that one, that is for sure," agreed my mother.

I was really confused so I stood back in the doorway and continued to listen to what they were talking about.

"She also told me that he is going to be taking her to see some play in St. Louis too. I think the Fox Theatre. She said that the theatre is so gorgeous," exclaimed Alice.

"That Jacob Black is something," said Esme.

_Jacob Black? That meant that they were talking about… BELLA!!_

I looked down at my hands and I quickly noticed that they were shaking. I tried to calm myself down and get my thoughts together. Maybe Jacob and Bella were friends and he was just hanging out with her as friends. She wouldn't date someone like Jake. He was too old for her, and he wasn't the type of guy that I could see with my best friend.

She deserved someone that knew her heart and soul and would move the heavens to make her eyes sparkle or her lips curve up into that innocent smile of hers. She would want someone that would laugh with her and understand her intense fascination with books and let her talk about them. Jacob Black couldn't do that for her. I was sure of that.

"She won't really tell me anything. Nothing juicy at least. I wonder if that boy can kiss… I bet he makes her just melt."

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THREE TALKING ABOUT?" I screamed.

I couldn't take it anymore. The thought of that pathetic puppy kissing Bella caused something to snap inside of my head. I couldn't stand in the shadows and hear them talking about Bella like that.

The three of them turned to look at me. My mother and sister looked as if they had been caught doing something wrong, Rosalie on the other hand had a smug smile smeared across her face.

"I guess the secret is out now. Bella is dating Jacob Black," stated Rosalie, her voice full of venom.

My eyes must have show how shocked I was because her smile became wider. The expression from my mother and Alice was one of sadness.

"No… she wouldn't date someone like him. He is a pathetic loser."

"That pathetic loser has been dating her since May and from what I have heard, he makes her feel all kinds of things," Rosalie sneered.

"Rosalie that is enough," stated my mother. "Edward, you need to calm down too."

I turned to look at her, and she appeared to be very annoyed with me too. Why would she be angry with me? I hadn't done anything, well with the exception of freaking out when I figured out that Jacob was… with Bella.

"Edward, this is why we were keeping this under wraps. We knew you would take this badly. However, for someone that doesn't have any interest in Bella what so ever, you seem to be getting a little overly agitated about her dating Jake," stated Alice sarcastically.

Interest in Bella in a romantic way…no, but in her life and who may or may not hurt her later on, yes I did. The idea that Bella would let that man touch her at all was completely insane. That wasn't the Bella I knew all those years. That Bella wouldn't have given Jacob Black the time of day. What happened to that woman that left me so long ago?

"She wouldn't date him. He's not her type," I stated firmly.

"If you haven't figured it out, Bella has changed some since the last time you saw her. She's very independent, she works hard, and she finally saw Jake for the sweet guy that he is," started Alice.

Before I could cut in and say something, she continued.

"Edward, let her be happy. Don't get all angry about this. You never saw how sad she was after she told you that she loved you and how she took the rejection. Jake has brought joy back into her life and has made her incredibly happy. She needs that kind of happiness too. Are you going to be the one to throw a fit and deny her that? You broke her in so many ways and by the look in your eyes, I can tell that you want to go to Illinois and kill Jake, but don't. Leave Bella alone and let her live her life there."

I couldn't listen to this anymore. The tone of their voices almost had a ring of pity and I didn't want their pity. I stormed from the room and headed toward the door to slam it as I left the house. The idea that Bella was someone so different from the woman that I knew was something I didn't want to think about. She still had to have the same heart and soul that I had come to depend on so much during my life.

My mind flooded with all the moments with her that I couldn't forget. I still remember the day that she came to Forks and how her eyes shined with her absolute terror and fear of being in a new place. She never knew it, but I watched her quite a bit that day. She kept her distance from everyone and when I got the chance to come to her rescue when Jessica and Lauren started to make fun of her… I got my chance to talk to her. I just knew that she needed someone. Someone to watch out for her, to take care of her, but now, she wasn't here and I was starting to realize that maybe it wasn't her that needed to be taken care of, maybe it was me that needed her.

I jumped on my bike, and it roared to life with one kick and I shifted down the clutch and slung gravel from the drive as I roared down the driveway. When I hit the highway, I pushed the gas as far as I could, and I was flying down the road, the engine roaring. I kept thinking though. I couldn't figure out what I did wrong to make her hate me so much and make her want to hide things from me. I had been a good friend to her with the exception of the how I told her about Tanya.

Tanya. How could I forget her? She was such a prominent person in my life, and if it was her choice… the only person that would be in my life. We had been having some issues, but lately things were rather calm. I still really couldn't understand why my family hated her so much. Bella had been gone for almost two years and they still haven't even given her a chance. Yeah, she may be a ruthless bitch at times, but aren't we all a little ruthless at times?

I pushed Tanya from my mind and my thoughts turned to the chocolate eyes of Bella. I hadn't really thought a lot about Bella lately since it hurt just too much for me to think about her. The idea that she was living this life that was outside of my existence was foreign, but on some level I had to have known it was going on. It wasn't like her life stopped after she flew out of Washington.

I really wasn't paying that much attention to where I was going either. When you live in a place so long it's like you just know the way to go, no matter what you are doing. You will always end up in a place that you will know or wanted to go. What surprised me was when I noticed the sign that said La Push. I continued to drive through the streets and I watched the people finishing their nightly chores and they were beginning to head into their houses for the night. I on the other hand decided where I needed to go.

On the outside edge of town, was the local bar, The Call Of The Wild. I pulled up in front and climbed off my bike and headed for the door. As I pushed the door open, I noticed that it was mostly filled with locals from the town, no one that I knew. That was exactly what I wanted, alone time. I walked up to the bar and sat down and finally the bartender came over and I ordered a beer and he quickly went back down to a group of his friends that were down toward the other end of the bar. They may have been down a little bit from where I was sitting, but they were rowdy enough that I could hear everything that they were saying.

"Hey, Embry. Heard from Jake lately?" Yelled one of the guys toward the very end of the bar.

"Yeah, I heard from him a day or so ago. Quil, he must really love that girl. He talks about her like she is the only woman in the world," answered the bartender.

_Jake…_ That was one name that I didn't want to hear while here, but I realized it was to be expected especially since Jacob Black grew up around here and his friends still lived here.

"I am glad to see him happy for a change. He dated all those chicks in high school, but they never had a chance you know. He was always hung up on Chief Swan's daughter. Told him so many times that she was too young for him and he kept telling me that he would wait forever for that woman. Guess he finally got the girl of his dreams."

I felt everything in my stomach start to churn. I knew I was eavesdropping on their conversation, but it was Bella that they were talking about and having them talk about her like that made my blood boil.

"Didn't Jake mention that she was hung up on some guy from Forks though? Supposedly she was really in love with the guy," stated a tall woman that had her back leaned up against the bar.

"You're right Leah. She was supposedly in love with some guy there at one point in time," said the bartender.

"Bella was a sweet girl, from what I could remember, I can't figure out why a guy wouldn't want to sweep her up when he had the chance," yelled another member of the group.

"Sam, all people can't find their soul mate and sweep them off their feet," chuckled a woman that had her arms locked with his.

"I propose a toast… to Jake and Bella. For many years of happiness together and for a happy marriage when Jake gets enough courage to finally ask her," stated another of the group.

"You got that right, Jared. To Bella and Jake…" exclaimed Emery, the bartender.

In unison, they toasted to my best friend and her boyfriend. I looked down to see my bottle was dry and I yelled for another beer. To hear them talking about her… wasn't something that I expected to listen to, but from what I overheard, she was happy with Jake. My heart started to ache. Why was hearing that she was happy giving me such a sad feeling?

I don't know how long I sat there and drank beers. I finally threw down some money and walked out of the bar and looked up to the night sky. This caused me to think of Bella yet again. It was mostly at night when I thought about her, especially when I knew she could be staring up at the same sparkling stars that I was watching. The blanket of stars above me always made me feel close to her, no matter where in the world she was, or who she was with.

I wasn't ready to go home yet, so I started walking. I glanced around the town as I watched the houses go dark as their occupants were heading off to bed and I continued to walk and I continued to walk until I reached this cliff that over looked the water. I sat down on the edge and started out across the waters. The stars were shimmering back up to me as I looked out there. The rippling waters and the way the world felt around me calmed me some, but not completely.

It was then that I heard people walking toward me so I decided that it was time for me to leave, especially since I didn't know if I was trespassing. I recognized the voices as being the friends of Jacob Black so I knew I wanted to get out of there before they had a chance to figure out who I was. I headed back to the bar and I climbed on my bike and it rumbled to life and I drove slowly from town, but as soon as I got to the town limits, I let it roar as I drove back to Forks.

When I pulled back up in the drive, I noticed Tanya's car in the driveway. I glanced down at my watch, to see it was well after midnight and that she was probably ready to jump me about not calling. So I decided it was safer to sit outside. I walked around back and sat down in the lawn swing and began to stare up at the sky again.

"Edward?"

I turned to see Alice standing in the doorway, I just grimaced and turned my attention back to the sky. I heard her pull the door to, and she slipped out and sat down beside me. I kept my attention on what I was doing and tried to ignore her presence.

"Are you going to be okay, Edward?" she asked softly.

"I don't know what the hell you are talking about," I replied, not even moving to look at her.

"Yes, you do. You are angry that you didn't know about Bella and Jake. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I knew you would get angry about it. Plus, there is no point in letting yourself get upset about it. You both made your choices. You have Tanya and she has Jake."

Hearing his name with hers made me furious, but I had to keep my cool. I didn't want Alice to know how badly it affected me knowing about Jake now. The thought of him touching her drove me insane and I couldn't understand, nor did I want to try to understand the feelings, because if I tried it might bring about a change that I really didn't want.

"I know. I'm happy with Tanya and I hope she is happy with… Jake."

We sat there in silence for a while when she chose to speak again.

"You know it could have been you with her right?"

I turned to look at her for a moment, saying nothing though.

"Edward, Bella loves you. I know you love her too, but now I don't know if you ever came to realize your feelings if she would return them. Especially since Jake is in her life now. I think she cares enough about Jake that she wouldn't do anything to hurt him, including acting on any past feelings she had for you."

"She wants Jake, Ally. Let it go," I stated as monotone as possible.

Alice didn't realize that in this one day I had listened to the praises of Jacob Black's greatness from my own family along with his friends at the bar. This was starting to become a little bit more than I could actually handle now.

"Why do you act like it doesn't matter?" She asked, her voice becoming louder and angrier.

"It doesn't."

"The hell it doesn't. Edward the idea that Jacob Black is with Bella is killing you. You want to be that guy for her and don't start that bull about Tanya being nice and all. You are with Tanya for spite. We all hate her, we have told you that we do, and you keep being with her because you are too scared to do what your heart wants. You have always wanted Bella and it will always want her, but you are just too much of coward and you plan on letting her get away because you are too scared to act on anything."

I looked at my sister and her eyes were flooded with fire. I turned back to stare at the sky.

"Did you know that Jake's friends are thinking that he will ask Bella to marry him soon?" I asked, trying to sound indifferent.

"How would you know something like that?"

"There aren't very many bars around here and the closest one is in La Push."

Alice sat there for a while.

"Kat told me the other day that Jake is thinking about asking Bella to marry him."

I said nothing but thought about what she just told me. _Bella marrying Jacob Black… Becoming Isabella Marie Black…_

I shook my head trying to push those thoughts from my mind.

"You need to stop acting like it doesn't bother you. We aren't blind Edward, we all know you have missed Bella all this time and it wasn't just because you missed the friend either. Why do you think Tanya goes all psycho on you when it comes to Bella? She knows who has your heart and she keeps trying to push her out of your heart and it doesn't work. You love Bella. Why can't you get it?"

That was it. That was the last nerve I had. I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't love Bella, at least not that way. I couldn't. I loved Tanya… right? Yes, I loved her or I wouldn't have put up with all the bull for the past few years.

"Alice, I don't, and I repeat, I do not love Bella Swan in any manner besides friendship and I intend on proving it to you and to everyone else here."

"Then you are truly a lost cause then, big brother," she sighed as she stood up and went back into the house.

I sat out there even longer and it was when the sun began to rise that I realized what I needed to do to prove to them all that I didn't want Bella. I would do this one thing and it would prove to them all that Bella wasn't the one for me…

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

**November 2006**

I have been so busy for the past few weeks trying to get ready for this moment. Why did the thought of doing what I was planning making me sick at my stomach though? I should be happy right? This one thing was going to set into motion the rest of my life.

"Here you are sir, I hope your young lady likes it," said the man standing behind the counter.

I thanked him and I quickly put the box in my pocket. It was all planned and nothing was going to stop me from doing what I planned. In that second, Bella's smile flashed across my mind, and I pushed it back quickly not wanting to see it now. This moment wasn't about her, it was about me and Tanya, but for some odd reason I felt as if Bella was really a part of this moment.

I slipped behind the wheel of my car to head to Port Angeles to pick up Tanya for our date. We hadn't been going out that much lately, but this was the perfect moment and I had to do this. For me… for her… for everyone. I couldn't keep dwelling on something that wasn't meant for me. Tanya had been with me so long, and it should be expected that I would do this.

By seven that night, I picked her up and I listened to her talk and pop her gum the whole way to the restaurant. My stomach was rolling and I would have sworn that I was going to sick. Something about this moment was wrong, but I knew I had to go through with it. It was almost like it wasn't supposed to happen like this. It was like I was supposed to be doing this differently, with someone else.

Tanya was dressed in a tight fitting strapless black dress and stiletto heals. She was beautiful, but as I watched her, I realized that she wasn't as beautiful as I thought she was in the beginning of our relationship. She might have been physically beautiful, but she didn't have the inner beauty that some had.

We arrived before eight and I escorted her inside the restaurant and I treated her to an extravagant dinner and then, it was off to this fancy club in Seattle for a night of dancing. That was the place that I was going to ask her.

As I drove toward Seattle, I realized that this whole moment was not what I expected it to be. I thought the actual question would cause butterflies in my stomach, but my nervousness wasn't because of the question, but the uneasiness I was getting about the moment being wrong. However, I pushed the feelings aside and went on. This was supposed to happen or at least everyone that knew both me and Tanya thought it should happen.

This club was rather elegant. It played big band music and required you to dress in black and white or you couldn't even get in. As we stepped into the club, I watched as the many men turned to stare at Tanya walking seductively through the club. I should have gotten upset about the guys undressing my girlfriend with their eyes right in front of me, but I didn't care. I reached into my pocket to feel the box sitting at the bottom. It still didn't feel right. That was the only the only clear thought that I could process at the moment too.

She returned to my side and I led her out onto the dance floor and wrapped my arms around her, and she placed her head on my shoulder. I closed my eyes, and my mind traveled back to that night in the field with Bella. How she moved perfectly with me and how perfect the moment was.

Then I heard the band leader call my name.

"Is there an Edward Cullen in the house? If you are, come on up to the stage, please."

The moment was here. I was going to do this. I turned to a confused Tanya and I headed for the stage. I stepped up there and I turned to see Tanya still looking puzzled. The man with the microphone handed it to me and I turned back out to the crowd. _Here goes nothing…_

"Tanya… we have been together for two years and we have had our rough moments, but you know I care so much about you. Tanya Jean Mason, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife? Marry me."

You could hear the awes from the people in the room and the squeal from Tanya as she ran for the stage and wrapped her arms around me. I pulled out the box and placed the ring on her finger. As I placed the ring on her finger and when I looked up to meet her gaze, I didn't see Tanya standing there, but an angel with chocolate eyes. I had to shake my head to bring my attention back to reality.

When I glanced out into the club, I met the eyes of two people that I didn't expect to see. Their expressions shined with the hurt that they felt. They had seen what I had done… the question that I had asked.

Tears began to fall down the gentle face of my sister. Watching her cry was something that hurt me so much. I hated to see my sweet, pixie-like sister cry. Jasper just glared back at me as he led my sister back toward the doors. I wanted to run after them and explain why I did it, but Tanya had a death grip on me and was now leading me back out to the dance floor. She placed her hand to where she could see the diamond in the ring shimmer in the twinkling lights of the club.

My stomach turned and turned. I felt sick. Why did I do this? You don't ask someone to marry you for spite against people. I did care about Tanya, but did I really want to marry her? Why did I keep seeing Bella everywhere?

Maybe I had made a huge mistake, but it was done now. I was engaged to be married. Tanya was going to become my wife someday, so why did I want to run away and hide now? Something deep inside me kept telling me that I had made the biggest mistake of my life… but I had made my bed. Now I had to lie in it.


	25. Chapter 24: A Life Forever Changed

Hello Everyone.

Another new chapter. I warn you now it is a sad one. It really, really bothered me to write this one.

I would like to apologize to everyone that I didn't get to reply to when you sent me reviews. I have gotten so far behind in things lately, but every review that I get for this chapter will receive a reply. Promise. Just forgive me for the lack of response lately.

Please continue to review and let me know what you think… I will give you this teaser, Edward will see Bella again soon.

The Normal Stuff: The Twilight series and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Support the stories on my faves and my friend's stories.

I send my love to the Three Amigas and to the ladies over on twilighted (dot) net too. I would like to dedicate this chapter to the memory of my dad. It's tough to relieve these moments because I have never really gotten the chance to work through them myself and this was a way that I could express some of my feelings about everything. Mostly, I miss him and this is my way of putting him in here with me.

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Chapter 24 A Life Forever Changed: When I Get Where I Am Going – Brad Paisley and Dolly Parton  
Reasoning: Just listen to the song. I remember the first time I heard this song, it was a week after I lost my dad and a few days after I lost my uncle. It touched my heart.

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Chapter 24: A Life Forever Changed

**December 2006**

The holiday season… there was something about this Christmas season that made me feel strange. It was different from the ones of my childhood especially with Jake being in my life. I never realized how lucky I was to have him. It was wonderful to have him, especially with my life changing so much.

My life was becoming one of constant worry, especially with Charlie's health problems increasing. Every doctor's visit gave more bad news and they eventually told him it would be in his best interest to take a leave of absence from the force. He was sad about it, but he knew that if he wanted to get back to the job that he loved, he would have to do what they wanted. However, he would never say it, but he knew everyday that his heart was getting weaker and weaker.

So, when the Christmas holiday came around, my parents made a choice to come to Illinois to see me and the rest of the Swan family that lived here. At first, I was a little worried about them driving from Washington, but then I realized that this was important to Charlie, no matter how difficult it would be for him, he still wanted to come.

The first few days were pretty uneventful but on the forth day, we had to rush Charlie to the emergency room. We noticed that he was becoming really tired and uncomfortable. They admitted him and I quickly took some time off work to be with him. Luckily I had a very understanding boss that knew that family came first and that my co-workers would cover my shifts. My mother, on the other hand, was becoming frantic with worry since the doctors weren't really saying to much to her about his condition, since they weren't really sure themselves. So, to keep her as calm as possible, I asked Kat to keep an eye on her and keep her as happy as possible.

While all of this is going on, Jake got news that he got hired for a new job that would be taking him away from me for a little while. It was an opportunity that I wouldn't let him pass up either. He was hired to work for a publishing company as an editor and that meant that he was going to be making a lot more money than working as a reporter for a local newspaper. He would be moving to St. Louis to be close to the office, but he understood that I needed him too, so he divided his time between the two places. Mostly, he spent most of his time reassuring me that the distance wouldn't be horrible, and that as soon as I graduated that we would be together all the time. It was just hard to be without him with me dealing with so much stuff.

My mind was constantly being occupied by thoughts and feelings about the situation at hand, but even through all the confusion, I continued to work on my stories that I hoped to eventually publish. I would sit at Charlie's bedside with my computer and type frantically trying to get all my ideas down. The majority of the time, Charlie would sleep through my writing and it honestly didn't bother me at all. I knew he needed the rest and his presence was just soothing to my soul and made it easier to work on things. I hadn't realized how much I missed him until I had the chance to spend time with him, even if it was under not so good circumstances.

"Bells…"

Looking up from my computer, I saw Charlie's eyes studying me. I had to look frazzled and a little crazed since my hair was pulled up with a couple of pencils in it, and my glasses almost ready to slip down my nose.

"What Dad?" I asked.

"I need to talk to you about a few things. Especially, since your mother isn't hear to listen. You know how she is getting about stuff lately."

The way that he started out this conversation wasn't making me feel really comfortable. I quickly saved what I was working on and closed my laptop.

I began to examine him carefully as I waited for him to start talking. His appearance showed how sick he actually was. My father had always been somewhat thin, but now he was far from it. Everything from his face down to his fingers were swollen twice their normal size. This was because of all the fluids that his body was holding.

"Bella, I want you to promise me something…"

"Anything, Dad."

"If something happens to me, I want you to promise me that you will take care of your mother for me."

I couldn't help but stare at him for a moment. That wasn't exactly what I expected him to say to me. That statement kind of limited your choice of answers too. How do you answer something like that… no, I won't, Dad or sure Dad, I'll just take your place if you leave us. No matter how I answered that, I was still going to feel weird about it.

"Dad, you are going to be around for a long time, you don't need to make me promise something like that."

"Bella, there is no point of us acting like nothing is wrong. You and I both know that I am not well. Your mother, on the other hand, doesn't want to accept this though. So this is why I need you to do this. I need to know that you are ready to help her when the time comes. She is going to be lost and alone, and the only person I know that will be able to help her is you. You are stronger than she is. She won't be able to take care of things if I am gone. Please, do this for me," he begged.

"Okay, Dad. What do you want me to know?"

For a little over an hour, I listened to him talk about a variety of things. He told me how he wanted his funeral done right down to the music to play and where I could find the important documents at the house back in Forks. He knew that Renee wouldn't know where they were and it would be easier for me to find them. Mostly, he talked about things that he wanted to pass down to me. Charlie was a very interesting person and had a fascinating way of looking at things Charlie always had an interesting way of looking at things and he wanted me to know these things so that I could pass them on to my children.

"Bella, will you do me a favor too?" He asked.

"Anything," I replied.

"Make peace with Edward. He really does miss you."

If I was to say that I had been expecting that, I would have been lying. The topic of Edward wasn't something me and Charlie ever discussed too seriously. Charlie always thought our friendship was strange since he was a boy and I was a girl, but he came to except it in time, but now I wasn't really sure what to expect.

"Dad?"

"Bella, he may be stupid and clueless, but he really does care about you. I have never seen a boy miss someone so much. He's not even the same kid anymore. Over look all the things he has done and make peace with him. He may have a crazy fiancé but he will take care of that part on his own."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes about his comment about Edward's crazy fiancé. I knew about the engagement on the night that he proposed since Alice called me in an absolute crying frenzy because she and Jasper witnessed his proposal in this fancy dance clue in Seattle. Maybe she thought I would go into a crying fit about it too. Not saying that I wasn't a little sad, but I knew there was no point in getting all worked up over something that I couldn't change. Edward had made his choice and I had made mine. I was with Jacob and he was with Tanya. End of story.

"Sweetie, know this. Men don't get it right all the time. We make mistakes about things that we should know and understand. So for me, consider letting go of all those hurt feelings with him. You never know how doing this might change the course of your destiny. Alright?"

I nodded at him and I stood to give him a hug.

"I love you, Daddy," I whispered.

"And I love you, my sweet Bella."

**January 2007**

It was an ordinary day. Well, as ordinary as it could be for someone like me. The New Year rang in and I got to spend it with my father since he got out of the hospital a few days before Christmas. So he sat on the couch in the apartment with me and we watched the big ball drop in Times Square. As corny as it was, this was one of those memories that I would always treasure and remember always.

Charlie had an appointment made with a doctor here in Illinois. Basically it for them to clear him for travel back to Forks. As much as I hated it, I had to go back to work. I had missed so much already when I was staying with him in the hospital.

So I was waiting on a table when I saw my parents come in the front doors, my father's face very sullen. It was obvious that the news hadn't been good news by the expressions on their faces. I met them at the door and led them over to my section and they talked softly to me while others passed us by.

"So, what did the doctor say?" I asked.

Looking to my mother, I could see her eyes were sad and I waited for her to speak, but it was the sad voice of my father that I heard.

"The doctor told me if things don't change soon, I won't be here in a month."

When the words finally registered their meaning, I felt my heart drop. It was almost as if my heart shattered the instant that he said those words. He was my father… the man that took me fishing, told me what I should listen for when working on a car, the man that showed me what kind of person I needed to be. This couldn't be happening to him. Not my father. He was too good of a man for this.

My mother began to sob and I watched as Charlie reached his hand across the table to comfort his wife. I could have fallen apart and cried too, but I was determined not to fall apart. My parents didn't need that kind of stress, they had enough going on than taking care of their adult daughter in a time like this. I had to be strong for both of them. I left them there alone for a moment so I could go to the kitchen to retrieve what they ordered. Luckily I was allowed to go on my break after I took out their food, so I sat down with Charlie for a moment.

Sitting there, I listened to my mother talk about the possible treatments that could be done for Charlie. As she spoke, he leaned over to lay his head on my shoulder. I thought it was a little strange, but nothing that I should be too worried about. He was tired and it was understandable. He had a lot of things going on with him now.

I stood when they were going to leave to go back to my apartment. I reached for Charlie's hand and helped him toward the door. Looking over at him I realized I was never going to get used to seeing him as this fragile man, not the strong and capable man that was the image of my father from my childhood.

"I'll see you at home, Dad."

"Yeah, see you soon," he replied.

They went through the doorway and finally went out of my sight, so I went back to work. I had been cut so I was going to be going home soon, which meant that I had to get my tables cleaned off as well as cleaning up my section.

My world shattered when I heard a blood curdling scream and it was a scream that I recognized instantly.

"BELLA!!"

I turned to see my mother, her eyes frantic. I ran toward her and she grabbed me screaming.

"Your dad… he got in the car and he just slumped over… I can't get him to talk to me," she wailed.

I looked up to see a woman jumping up from a table.

"I'm a nurse, I will go with her, call for help."

Watching the woman run out the door with my mother, I ran back into the kitchen to get to the office. I grabbed the phone and quickly was calling for help. I gave them the information and they informed me that they were on their way. As soon as I hung up I quickly called Kat and she told me that she would call Jake and they would meet us at the hospital. I threw the phone down on the desk and it was then that I felt myself tumble to the floor and that my pent up tears began to tumble down. I didn't know it, but something was telling me that something was terribly wrong.

"Get up Bella. Your mom needs you," exclaimed Sheila.

The woman helped me to my feet and I ran from the kitchen out the front doors and toward the car. When I got there, I could see that everything was wrong. His complexion was all wrong and the nurse wasn't getting him to come around. My mother was just muttering and getting in the way, so I pulled her close to me and she leaned into my shoulder. I pulled her as close as possible to keep her from turning back around to see what was happening.

The wails of the ambulance were coming closer and the nurse continued to try to bring Charlie around. The ambulance pulled into the lot and the paramedics tumbled out with their equipment and they began to work on him. They quickly loaded him on a gurney and loaded him into the back of the ambulance. I watched, and I quickly noticed that they weren't rushing to leave. Instantly, I knew this wasn't good.

"Why are they sitting there?" my mother wailed.

"They have to get him stabilized, Mom. They will leave soon."

I knew I was just giving her false comfort, but I had to do something. Even me saying that to her, gave me some warped and twisted form of comfort, but I knew it wasn't as good as I was trying to make it out to be.

"I'm going to follow them," she exclaimed, while trying to pull her car keys from her purse.

"No, I'm taking you."

I grabbed her hand and I lead her around back to where my truck was parked and I ran inside to tell the manager I was leaving and to grab my keys. I was out the door and had my mother loaded before the ambulance pulled away from the restaurant.

Never letting the ambulance out of my sight, I floored my truck to keep up. We were inside the hospital within a minute of the arrival of the ambulance and I led my mother in so we could start the paperwork that would be needed for the hospital. Through this whole time, I kept having this feeling of dread.

As we walked into the waiting room, we were met by Kat and Jacob. Kat quickly wrapped her arms around my mother and Jake around me. For a moment, I let myself feel safe in Jake's arms, but it was then that I noticed the small man dressed in a white coat step from behind the door from the emergency room all feelings of safety were gone.

"Mrs. Swan… I'm Dr. Morrison. I'm sorry to tell you this, we tried everything but we were unable to revive your husband."

My heart shattered in that moment and I wanted nothing more than to die myself. I wanted to revert to being a child and sob hysterically. Charlie was gone. My dad… my daddy.

Before I could start to cry myself, I heard my mother hit the floor and she began to wail uncontrollably.

"My life is over," she wailed.

I realized that I couldn't fall apart as soon as I heard those words from her. I made a promise to Charlie that I would take care of her in the event that something like this happened so falling apart wasn't an option. I had to protect Renee now… it was my job. I pushed Jake away from me and dropped to my knees and wrapped my arms around my sobbing mother, her tears drenching my shirt. She clung to me like there was nothing else in the world that she could grasp. I was all she had now.

Holding her close, I let my eyes rise to meet those of Jacob and Kat. Both had tears filling their eyes. I never let her go though. She kept holding on to me for dear life because she needed me in this moment, and I needed her as well. In one day, my life changed so much and it was never going to be the same again.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Kat finally leaned down and pulled my mother up off the floor after her breakdown. I stood and when Jake tried to reach for me to comfort me, I pushed him away. Not because I didn't want him there, but because I needed that space. I knew one thing and that was that I needed something, but I wasn't exactly sure of what it is that I need though. It was very frustrating to know that I craved something but not knowing what it was… well it was making me crazy.

Jake wanted to take me home, but I told him I needed some time alone. After arguing a little, he finally agreed to let me have some time alone, so he helped Kat get my mother into the car so they could take her back to the apartment. I sat there in the waiting room for a while and just stared around the room. Mostly I was trying to figure out something to do. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't seem to let the tears flow though. The best way to describe the moment was that I was in limbo and I couldn't get out.

One of the nurses finally came out and asked me if I wanted my father's belongings and I told them I did, so she brought out everything that was on his person… his keys, his wallet, even his watch. My hands trembled when they touched my skin. Unsure of what to do, I pushed his keys and wallet in my pockets of my jeans, and placed his watch on my wrist along with my own watch.

After about an hour, the funeral home came for my dad and I just continued to sit there waiting to wake up from this nightmare. I kept telling myself that this couldn't be real. My dad couldn't really be gone.

Mostly, I felt so alone. Daughters have this connection with their dads. It was almost like a part of myself was gone now and I couldn't figure out what I was supposed to do. He was my compass in this thing we call life. It was scary to know that I had to face the world now without him.

Finally, after putting it off for as long as possible, I pulled my phone out and pushed my speed dial and called out. I started with people that I thought would be easier to tell.

"_Hello, Cullen residence, Carlisle speaking."_

"Hi, Carlisle. It's Bella."

"_Oh, Bella. I am happy to hear from you, it's been a while."_

"Carlisle, I wish I was calling under better circumstances, but I wanted to let you know that… Charlie died this afternoon."

The line went silent for a moment.

"_Bella, are you okay? How is Renee?"_

"She's a mess. I'm a mess. I don't know what I am doing right now either."

"_Have you called Alice yet?"_

"No, I was hoping you could tell her. She would probably take it better from you. I know she would start to sob hysterically as soon as I told her, I don't think I could handle it right now," I said, rubbing my throbbing eyes.

"_What about Edward, Bella?"_

He wasn't someone that I had thought about in a long time. Edward… his name still echoed through my mind when I heard his name. My heart started to ache too. Why? I was over him, wasn't I?

"I don't know, Carlisle. Use your judgment on that one. I don't think I am able to make that kind of decision right now."

"_I don't know about Esme and myself, but I would say that Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett will be flying out to be there with you. You aren't bringing him back here are you?"_

"No. Our family is here and he wanted to be here with our family. I doubt that I will even get Renee to go back there to live. I probably will end up selling the house there."

The thought of Renee going back to Washington alone scared me. Her being there alone in that house without Charlie worried me. I just hoped that she would decide to stay here in Illinois and I hoped that she would stay here with the family. The only reason we moved to Forks in the first place was so that Charlie could be police chief, but now… we really didn't have a reason to go back.

"_Bells don't worry about stuff too soon. Get through this now. If you need our help, we will help you."_

"Thank you, Carlisle. I need to get home. I will be in touch."

"_We love you Bella."_

"Love you too. Bye."

Hanging up the phone, I stood from the chair I had been sitting in for hours and headed toward the parking lot. I climbed inside my truck and sat there for a moment. Not long after getting inside, the tears finally started to fall. I leaned my head down on the steering wheel and cried. I felt my body trembling and I wanted… no needed someone to be here with me to let me cry. Someone that wouldn't ask me tons of questions or try to make me feel better… Jake… no, he wouldn't do that. There was only one person that would do that for me, and I couldn't ask for him… I needed Edward.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

When I got back to the apartment, the entire Swan family was there. I slipped in and went down the hallway to my room without anyone really noticing my presence. Pulling the door shut as I came into the room, I crossed the room, not even caring to turn on the lights. I pushed myself toward the bed, and crawled up to the head of the bed, pulling my pillow close to me. Every time I close my eyes, all I see is Charlie, and in turn makes me want to cry even more.

"Bella?"

I turned to see Kat standing in the doorway, but she quickly pulled the door to and came over and crawled onto the bed with me.

"Are you okay, sweetie?"

"No."

"Bella…"

"Kat, please leave me alone."

"Bella, please…"

I rolled over to meet her eyes, and I tried to look at her with as much coldness as I could bring forward. I wanted to give her a reason to leave me alone with my thoughts.

"You are not the person that can help me, leave me the hell alone," I said with my coldest voice.

She stared at me for a minute, trying to process what I was saying.

"I'll go get Jake then. He'll talk with you," she said while starting to stand up from the bed.

"No, I don't want him. Can't you get the point… just leave me the hell alone."

I rolled over again so my back was facing her, but I could still tell she was standing behind me trying to figure out what was going on inside my head. I never was cold with Kat because we were so much alike, but at this point in time we were so very different from each other.

"Alice, Jasper, Rose, and Emmett will be here in the morning. Maybe they could help you."

They were my friends, but not the one I needed or wanted. My mind kept screaming at me, 'you don't need him,' but my heart cried for him. More than anything I knew better than to even feel this way or to even consider wanting him here with me. I hadn't spoke a word to him for almost three years and now, I wanted nothing more than to pick up the phone and call him. Beg him to come here, to help me get past this nightmare. I didn't care if Tanya was in his life. I just needed Edward.

"Fine. Go away."

"Bella, what in the world is going on with you? You don't want my help or Jake's… who do you want?"

I couldn't answer. I couldn't tell her that my heart was yelling out for him. Especially with me having Jake in my life. What kind of person would that make me? I want the man that broke my heart all those years ago instead of the guy that worships the ground that I walk on…

"You don't want to know," I mumbled.

"It's him. You want Edward, don't you?"

I turned over, and it was then that she saw the tears.

"Oh, Bella."

She walked over to me and pulled me into a hug. I cried in her arms for a while. I cried for the loss that I was suffering through, for Jake even though he didn't know it, and for Edward, the only person that could have made me feel better after everything that had happened.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou arte with me…"

I stood beside my mother and Jacob, while the pastor read the twenty-third Psalm and I wanted nothing more than to scream. I wanted nothing more than to fall apart and sob for my father, but it wasn't something that I could do. I had to stay calm and strong for Renee. She was sobbing into her tissue, Alice at her other side.

The graveside service was over and I let go of my mother's hand and Jake followed her back toward the car while I walked out away from everyone a bit. He just had a way of knowing now when I needed some time to myself.

This cemetery was different from most that I had ever seen before. It sat on top of this hill and as you walk out you can see fields bare from last year's crops as far as you can see. Even in the distance, you can see the water tower for the town. The breeze was cold and blew through my coat, giving me the chills. Luckily it wasn't snowing or icy.

I just stared out into the distance taking in the sight, mostly thinking that this had to be what heaven looked like, for the view was incredible.

This was the place that the Swan family had been buried for generations and one day I might even be here with my family.

"Bella…"

Turning I saw Alice standing behind me in a black dress, her eyes splotchy from her tears.

"Yeah," I mumbled.

"Edward doesn't know about Charlie yet. He was gone doing some training for his job. Do you want me to tell him?"

"Not, yet. Maybe after I have come to terms with it."

"Bella, you know you are going to have to talk to him eventually. You can't keep hiding from him forever. He knows about you and Jake, and you know about his engagement to Tanya. You two just need to talk now. For you guys being such good friends, I think it's time to let it all go and we can go forward from here."

I knew she was right, but I couldn't, at least not yet. I wasn't ready for it. Even with all the time I have had with Jacob, I wasn't sure if I could completely shut down my feelings had I harbored for Edward. I knew I needed him to help me with this point of my life, but I was afraid that it would bring back all of those feelings that I wanted to remain dead and buried.

I am extremely happy with Jacob. I never thought I would be able to say that about anyone beside Edward Cullen, but now, I am happy and I looked forward to my future with him. The idea of Edward coming back into my life scared me, more than anyone could realize.

"I don't think so Alice. Our time as friends is done and over with. It was good while it lasted, but I think it will be better if we live separate lives. Our paths may cross again someday, but not now."

"I wish you two could get this figured out because I want things to be like they were. All of us were like a puzzle, we all fit together perfectly, and now… two pieces are missing and nothing is the same now," said Alice.

She turned and headed back toward the car while I continued to look out and it was then a burst of cool air swirled around me. I shivered and I looked over my shoulder. In that moment, I could have sworn that Edward was standing behind me.

I turned and finally headed back toward everyone who was now getting into their cars to leave. I thought about my life as I walked toward my family and friends. Mostly about how I had become a different person since leaving Forks, how I had pushed my past behind me and I was working toward the future, but something kept tugging at my heart. Something that I doubted would ever let go completely.

My father was gone, but his lessons had brought me to this point. He gave me enough courage to get on that plane and come here. I was no longer that girl that left Forks in tears over a guy that didn't love her in return, but a strong and independent woman. One that had a wonderful family, a group of great friends, and a magnificent boyfriend that was too perfect for me. This life I had now, didn't have Edward Cullen in it and I was surviving just fine without him, even though I still missed him at times.

Maybe I had moved past the bad times… maybe the good times were ahead. I just knew that though my life had forever changed in the past few days, I knew that I would come out of this a stronger person and maybe a happier one… someday. So why did I feel like I wanted nothing more than to go back to the past? To the days of my childhood, with all my friends and have those carefree moments that brought me so much joy and happiness. Mostly, I wanted to go back to those moments with the green-eyed boy that brought me so much happiness and forget the bad things that had come to me. Mostly I wanted the simpler times when there was no love lost and I could just take the boy's hand and he would walk with me… no matter where, it was just perfect because we were together. Oh, how I wished for that.

I wonder if he thinks like I do. If he misses the times together or has time done too much to us. Has the world changed us too much? No matter what I may say to others, I hope that maybe someday we can find peace with each other and maybe our friendship mend. Charlie wanted our friendship mended, and maybe he was right. Maybe in time, I will have the courage to face him and fix the thing that I had broken so many years ago.


	26. Chapter 25: Who Says You Can't Go Home?

Hello Everyone.

I am sorry that it has taken me forever to get this chapter up, but I have been massively busy since I am leaving in a few days to go to Chicago to see my friend. Yay!! I am so excited about this trip too. I have never been there so I am looking forward to it.

I do want to let you know if there is any major mistakes, I will try to go back to catch them later since I am awake at five thirty in the morning trying to read this. My eyes are actually burning and that means its time for me to stop looking at the computer. So forgive them for the moment. I will go back to catch them.

This chapter is opening the door to the one thing that most people have been waiting for… can you guess?? I have been thinking about this portion of the story since I started it back in April so I hope it turns out as good as it is in my head.

The Normal Stuff: The Twilight series and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer and check out and read the stories that are located on my fave list.

Note: Summa cum laude is the highest academic honor that you can receive. Basically it's a 4.0 GPA.

I want to give a shout out to everyone that reviewed last chapter. To those that have not received their reply, I will finish the last chapters before I begin to reply to this chapter. Reviewers are so nice and I love you guys.

I dedicate this chapter to the Three Amigas, and to the lovely people from Twilighted (dot) net. I want to give a shout out to Halo though, I was thinking about you when I wrote this chapter… can you see when I was thinking about you? lol

Okay, now on with the story…

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Chapter 25 Who Says You Can't Go Home? Song: Boston by Augustana  
Reasoning: I was looking through my music to find a song for this chapter and when I came across this song I thought of a couple of lines in it and it made me think of how Bella would have felt when she left Forks and now to have her going back she has to face the past is something that would be a challenge for her overall.

* * *

Chapter 25: Who Says You Can't Go Home?

**May 2007: Bella's Graduation**

"Come on, Bella. We're going to be late."

I was slipping on the blue dress that Alice had bought for me to wear to graduation along with the death traps that she called stiletto heals. I looked at my hair and my makeup for a moment to ensure that I didn't look weird, I wanted to look nice for this moment. I had been working toward this moment since I left Forks, and it was one of the most important things I have done in my life up to this point. Quickly I swept a piece of hair behind my ear and then grabbed the hanger with my graduation gown and cap and headed to the living room.

When I reached the living room, I was met by my mother, along with Kat, Jake, Alice, and Jasper. However, as I was getting ready for this moment, I couldn't help but think about Charlie though. This was the moment he wanted to see more than anything in the world. I knew the idea that I was valedictorian of my senior class was something that he was overly proud of, but seeing me graduate from college was going to be one of the crowning achievements in my life, at least for him. Especially since he never had the chance to do what I have done with my life.

"You look beautiful, sweetheart," said my mother as she wrapped me in a hug.

"No time for sentiment, Renee, we are going to be late," chirped Alice as she grabbed my hand and began to drag me out of the apartment toward the car.

"I am starting to wonder who is more excited about Bella's graduation, you or Bella," chuckled Jasper as he followed behind us.

She turned and stuck her tongue out at him like a child and he smiled back at her. I couldn't help but smile when they acted that way. I just loved to watch them together. They were perfect in everyway possible… relationship wise. Not saying that I didn't have a good relationship with Jake, but it wasn't anything like what Alice and Jasper had, not even close. Jasper and Alice just were perfect for each other and it was obvious that they were meant to be together always. That was the kind of love that I wanted… one that was meant to be.

"So, are you excited to move to St. Louis, Bells?" Asked Kat as she pulled her seat belt on and turned the key to the ignition.

"Yeah, it's going to be a new experience that is for sure."

My mother wasn't too happy with my future living arrangements, but after I told her that I wasn't having sex with Jake, she took the information a little better. The idea that her daughter was going to be living with her boyfriend, one that was a few years older and looked like Jake did, would worry any rational mother that cared about her child's well being. I knew Jake wanted us to have sex though. I could see it in his eyes, but he knew I wanted to wait until I was married. Plus I didn't feel like I was emotionally ready for that kind of relationship with him. So he was the perfect boyfriend and went on respecting my wishes, even though I knew it was becoming frustrating for him, especially since I would be living there with him, and even seeing me in less clothing than he had seen me in before. I would have to keep that stuff in mind so I didn't make it harder on him than it actually was.

The drive to the SIU Arena was a long one, and by the time that we got there a massive line of people had formed and were trying to get inside. When I stepped out of the car, Alice was pulling my graduation gown off the hanger and putting it on me, along with the collar. She looked at me carefully, and then adjusted my hair some before she placed the mortarboard cap on my head and tassel.

"Now, let's get you graduated," she said smiling as if she was a proud parent instead of being one of my best friends.

When we finally got inside, my family walked toward the stands. I, on the other hand, went to the table to retrieve my name card and went toward the Arena floor. As I stepped out, I looked around to see the hundreds upon hundreds of people that were taking their seats. Walking farther out, I finally found the sign for my degree and took a seat on the outside edge. Finally I looked out into the crowd to see my family out there smiling and waving at me.

Sighing, I couldn't help but think about a lot of things as I waited for the ceremony to begin. The main thought was that I never dreamt that I would ever be graduating from college without my father or my best friend, but here I was graduating and neither was here with me. It was a hard thing to wrap my mind around.

I didn't find this out until a few months after my father's passing, but from what Esme told me later on, Edward didn't take my father's death very well. Alice would come to tell me that he disappeared for a few days. No one knew where he was and even Tanya was driving everyone crazy with frantic phone calls searching for her fiancé. They said when he finally did come home, he had a completely different attitude about things. Esme asked me once what I thought brought this on, and I couldn't be sure for a few reasons. Mostly I wasn't sure if he was the same person that I had known before I left Forks. Edward was now a complete mystery to me.

In a way, I had made peace with Edward since Charlie's death. Alice knew it was okay to tell him some things about my life, though I never asked about Edward's. I felt it would be better to be on a need to know basis, and I really didn't feel like I needed to know what he doing anymore. Too many things had happened in our lives and we couldn't just go back to way they were when we were in high school, but I didn't have to be cruel and mean about everything anymore. It was time for me to grow up and get past the stuff that had hurt me in the past.

"**Please rise for the Processional…"** boomed the voice from the loud speakers.

Standing, I watched as the professors marched in with their brightly colored hoods and they took their seats on the floor. When they all were seated, the graduates took theirs. The whole graduation was actually pretty boring. Watching hundreds of people graduating wasn't something I considered to be fun. I would have rather been finishing packing my stuff for the move to St. Louis.

After about an hour and half, they called the bachelor's degree candidates in English forward. I followed in line with my fellow candidates. I handed my name card to the professor that represented the English department.

"**Isabella Marie Swan, English, summa cum laude."**

Crossing the stage, I shook hands with the dean and a variety of other people that were associated with the university and went back to my seat. It was a nice feeling to know that I had finally accomplished what I had set out to do, but sad that the people that I wanted there the most wasn't there to share this moment with me. Mostly, I wanted my best friend here, even after everything that had happened between us, I wanted to share this one moment with him. No matter what would happen to us, I knew that Edward would always be my biggest fan.

They conferred our degrees to us and then the recessional played, and professors marched out. When they finally left the floor, the graduates were free to leave and find their families. As I exited the building, I found them standing outside by the fountain that was just outside the front doors. I received the normal hugs and congratulations, but I wasn't completely satisfied with everything.

"What's wrong?" Asked Alice, low enough no one but me could hear.

"Nothing. Just thinking."

"You're thinking about my brother, aren't you?"

"Maybe a little."

"He wanted me to tell you congratulations."

Congratulations huh? I wondered if it was true or was Alice just saying it to make me feel better.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah, and he wanted you to know that he was happy that you accomplished what you set out to do too."

"That's some big words… you sure he said that?"

"I made it sound a little nicer than what he said," she chuckled.

Smiling, I shook my head and turned my attention back to Jake who was watching me closely, a smile on his face. He slowly came toward me to wrap his strong arms around me, pulling me as close as he could to his chest.

"Congratulation, my love," he whispered in my ear.

"Thanks."

I pulled myself close and laid my head against his chest. I felt safe in his arms, but still felt strange at times being there.

"I want to take some pictures," beamed Renee as she pulled her camera out of her purse.

I couldn't help but smile and shake my head. I had reached this moment and I could give this to my mother. She never asked for much from me and I could be the good daughter and let her have this moment. This was the moment that she got to be a proud mother of a college graduate.

So I put the cap back on my head and stood with Jake for some, then with Kat to Alice and Jasper. Then I wrapped my arm around my mother and stood with her for a minute, taking in this moment and reflected on all the stuff that brought me to this point. Even with all the people that I cared about there with me, I felt alone like I was missing something. It didn't take much to know who I missed either. I missed Edward.

**October 2007**

"Bella, I need those copies on my desk… NOW!" stretched Carrie, one of my many bosses.

When I finally got moved to St. Louis, I began working as a copy editor for a publishing company. Since I started working here, I have actually begun to question my sanity. I have even begun to wonder if I was crazy to become a copy editor for Smith Publishing.

I quickly finished scratching down my corrections and was running down the hall toward Carrie's office. As soon as I threw the folder on her desk, I was off toward Greg Crane's office, the president and CEO of the company. Yesterday, I had received a memo that he had sent down saying that he wanted to see me in his office about something. I had no idea what it was about, but I knew better than to tick him off. Greg had a little bit of a temper when people tested his patience.

I rode the elevator up stairs to the top floor, and when the doors opened I was greeted by his personal assistant, BJ. He was the go to guy when you were in a pinch too. He knew everything that was going on in this building and there was always a million things going at once.

"Hey, Bells. Ready for this meeting with Mr. C?" He asked while he was writing something down on his clipboard.

"I would be more ready if I had a clue what he wanted to talk to me about. You got any ideas?"

"Sworn to secrecy, Miss Swan. I would totally love to tell you but Mr. Crane isn't the only guy I have been sworn to secrecy by."

"Jake?" I asked.

"Yeah. Told me if I told you anything he would personally talk to Mr. Crane about demoting me to being a janitor instead of being Mr. Crane's right hand guy," he stated looking down at his clipboard.

Jake helped me a lot by getting this job for me. He was working as the new head editor of the paranormal romance department. He totally loved this job too. Mostly he liked it because he could swing downstairs when he wanted to visit with me. It didn't matter if the other people in my department liked it. Jake was in too good with Mr. Crane and he could almost get away with anything he wanted as long as it didn't bother anyone else.

"I guess I am going to be surprised then?"

"Yes, and promise me this… you won't get mad at Jake. He does have your best interest at heart."

BJ's comment worried me a little. What had Jake done? Was I in trouble? Oh God, please don't let this be a meeting to tell me to find another place of employment.

It was then that the speakerphone on BJ's desk buzzed.

"BJ, send in Swan."

I looked over at BJ and he gave me an encouraging smile as I walked toward the door. Turning the knob I said a silent prayer hoping for good things.

"Come in, Swan. Don't be afraid."

Gregory Crane was a very frightening man if you didn't know him. He appeared to be one of those cranky older men that you might even come to think would complain about everything, but he was the complete opposite of that. He was the funniest and most relaxed guys, but when angry, he was a force to be reckoned with.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Crane?" I asked as I sat down in front of him.

"Swan, when were you going to tell me that you could write?"

"Excuse me?" I asked, confused.

"I was talking with Jake and he told me that you spend most of your time writing at home and I was shocked since you have never mentioned it to me yourself. He also told me that you have a dream of being an author too."

"It's only a dream, sir. Not a reality," I said sadly.

"I don't think so."

He pulled out a folder with my name on it and when I flipped it open laid one of my stories that I had been working on for the last few years.

"Bella, this story is amazing. Honestly, it's raw and powerful. It deserves to be finished and published."

I sat there in shock of what he was saying. He was saying that my writing was good. My story was good.

"Mr. Crane?"

"Miss Swan… would you be interested in completing this story and Smith Publishing being its publisher?"

When he asked this question a million thoughts flooded my mind. The idea that I was getting my chance was insane. It couldn't be real. I just continued to look at my boss, not saying a word.

"Bella?"

I shook my head trying to bring myself back to reality.

"This is because Jake asked you to do this?"

"He asked me to read some new talent and he actually put another name on it to keep me from knowing. Bella, it wouldn't have mattered either. Your work is wonderful and I want you to be one of our new writers. So, what do you think? Do you want to stay as a copy editor for this company or do you want to get out there and show the world what you can do?"

It didn't take me long to answer either.

"If you want me to write… let me."

I shook his hand and I quickly started to sign the paperwork while he told me about some of the requirements that would be expected of me.

"Clean out your office, Swan… work from home now," he said with a smile as he led me to the office door.

When he closed the door, I was met by the smiling face of BJ.

"Congratulations, Miss Swan… you are now a soon to be published author," he said with a smile.

He grabbed me and we both were jumping up and down and squealing. Many people were walking past us and they were wondering what was going on to have the copy editor and the head honcho's assistant dancing in front of his office.

"Can I get in on this excitement?"

I turned to see my Jacob standing behind me. I ran into his arms and was enveloped in his strong embrace. I couldn't help but kiss him. I normally wasn't that affectionate in public, but this was one of those exceptions.

"I should kill you for this, you know," I whispered when I pulled away from him for a moment.

"You love me, and you would miss me if I wasn't around," he said playfully.

I hugged him close again, before I pulled back to look at him again.

"Got to go tell Carrie to shove it now," I said with a smile.

He chuckled as he released me and I skipped downstairs. After I swung into Carrie's office to tell her that she would be getting a new copy editor since I was now an author, I ran down to my office and began to pick up most of my personal belongings when the phone on my desk began to ring.

"Hello," I said my voice full of music.

"_Someone is rather happy…"_

"Yes, I am, Alice. Happier than I have ever been."

"_Well, then… I want to add to the happiness."_

"Then add away…"

"_Jasper asked me to marry him!"_

The squeal that came through the line caused me to start jumping up and down and squealing too.

"Oh my God. Congratulations. When?"

"_Today at lunch. Told him I had to call you as soon as the ring was on the finger."_

"I bet he laughed at you too…"

"_Oh, Bella. Anyway… I need to ask you something."_

"Alright, ask."

"_Will you be my maid of honor?"_

That wasn't exactly what I thought she would ask me, but not something that I should have been surprised by.

"You know you have a sister-in-law you could ask too. I don't want to take away from her…"

"_Bella, you know that I would only want you there with me. Please… pretty please… with sugar on top."_

I stood there looking around my office for a moment before I answered.

"Okay, Alice. For you, I will."

She squealed again causing me to pull the phone away from my ear.

"_I love you, Bells. I'll call you with more info soon. Later."_

The line went dead and I put the phone down on the desk and couldn't help but smile. I was getting out of the copy office and I was going to be working on my writing and my good friend was getting married…

I stopped for a moment when I started to process this new news. Alice and Jasper was getting married. I was Alice's best friend and in turn was going to be her maid of honor. Jasper's best friend was… Edward. So that meant that he was going to be the best man!

My thoughts started to run. Edward was going to be in the wedding. I hadn't seen him in forever and I would have to spend massive amounts of time with him for this wedding. I promised myself that I wouldn't go back to Forks, and now I had to go back because I just made a promise to be in a wedding. I could change my mind. Tell Alice I was busy with my writing especially since I was now trying to get my story ready for publishing. No, I couldn't do that to Alice. She came here so many times for me and she wants me there.

Sighing, I sat down in my chair and stared out the window of my office. I never thought I would have to go back to Forks to face him. I thought I could hide out from him and just make the choice to stay in the Midwest and not go anywhere that he was. Now, it wasn't an option. I had to go home.

Questions flooded my thoughts though. How would he react to me now that it's been so many years since we last saw each other? Would he recognize me? Would he hate me for what I had done? I ran away from him without a word. What kind of person does that make me… a coward? Would it be weird with him being with Tanya and me with Jake? Groaning I put my head down on my desk. My happy news has now turned to gloom.

The old saying is 'who says you can't go home?' and I realized that I wasn't one of those people that could have that option of staying away. I had to go home to face my past and my demons. Mostly, I had to face the man that been so much a part of my life and show him that like him… I had moved on.

**December 2007**

I was sitting at my desk working through some chapters of my story that Greg wanted to see on his desk when my cell phone started to ring.

"Bella Swan."

"_You are so professional now."_

"Yes, Emmett. It tends to happen when you have a job."

"_Guess so. So… when are you coming in for the wedding?"_

I sat in silence for a while on that one. I really didn't want to think about it too much, but I realized that I was going to have to head toward Forks soon… especially with the wedding only weeks away.

"Unfortunately soon," I mumbled.

"_Aw, come on Bells. You know you are excited to see everyone. Especially me."_

"I wonder who is the most excited to see me… you or Alice. You realize your wife might get upset with your fascination with me too," I said jokingly.

"_Doubt it. She's excited to see you too."_

Sighing, I was a little more at peace since I knew I wasn't heading into Forks alone. I had called my college friends, Joanne and Tiffany, and they were going to go out with me. Jake would be flying out closer to time for the wedding. He still had to report to Smith Publishing everyday where I just stayed in communication with Greg and my editor, Kyra, via email.

Lucky for me, my mother never sold the house in Forks, not for a lack of trying though, so we had a place to stay when we got there. Alice had Jasper and Emmett getting the house back into shape so it was livable. As I thought about it, I began to wonder what the good people of Forks would think to see the daughter of the former police chief back in town.

"I think Joanne told me that she got the tickets so we will be leaving in a day or so."

"_Great. I can't wait."_

It was then that I had to ask the question.

"Emmett, what does Edward think of me coming back to Forks?"

The line went quiet then. I removed my hands from the keyboard of my computer.

"Emmett…"

"_He doesn't know yet. When the subject is brought up he seems to think that Rose is going to be the matron of honor."_

"YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT HE HAS NO IDEA THAT I AM COMING??"

"_Alice thought it would be better to let him find out after you got here. Plus with the psycho fiancé of his…"_

In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to strangle Alice to death. What was she thinking?? After taking a really deep breath I started to calm down again.

"I'm sorry, Em. I didn't mean to freak out. I just have a bad feeling about this."

"_Worry not, Bells. All will work out like it is supposed to. I got to run. Rosie is yelling. See you in a day or so. Bye."_

"Bye, Em."

After pushing the button to end the call, I felt this moment of dread again. This wasn't going to be good. That much I was sure of.

**Two Days Later…**

"So how does it feel to be heading back to Forks?"

I turned to my friend, Joanne, to see her studying my expressions closely. I must have looked a little freaked out, because she seemed like she was walking on egg shells around me at the moment.

"Nervous I guess. I never thought I would actually be going back to Forks. I thought my life there was over, but I guess I was wrong."

"It will be fine, Bella. Just take it all in stride," stated Tiffany who was sitting across the aisle from the two of us on the plane.

"Yeah, Bells. Who cares if your high school crush is there and he is engaged to some evil bitch now. You have a wonderful guy that worships you and soon you are going to be a published author. How could it get any better for you?" Asked Joanne.

"I see your point," I said with a smile. Joanne always had a way with words.

"Alright then. We should be arriving in Seattle in an hour or so. So let's get a little rest."

Taking Joanne's advice, I closed my eyes and I quickly fell asleep, pushing my worries from my mind. The next thing I knew was the captain was coming over the intercom to tell us that we would be landing soon. My worries quickly returned and were causing my heart to beat erratically.

"You ready for this?" Asked Tiffany while Joanne and I were followed her down the aisle of the plane, heading for the exit.

"I guess I better get ready since we're here now," I chuckled.

We claimed our luggage and we were walking through the airport heading for the front doors. We were going to have to hail a cab to make it to the hotel. I wasn't in the mood to go to Forks tonight. I needed a little more time before I faced the Cullens, especially Edward.

"So, Bella, are we going out tonight? I mean we should totally go out for drinks. Plus I think you need calm down some and it will totally help you relax some before we head into Forks tomorrow. What do you think?"

Looking at my friends, especially Joanne, it was obvious that I wasn't going to get out of this situation without going out for drinks with them. They liked the bar and club scene… I personally could live without it.

"Fine. Lets get checked into the hotel first, and then we can go out for dinner and drinks," I replied, while I hailed the cab.

The ride from the airport to the hotel wasn't horrible. I listened to my friends talking the whole way there but my mind was on more pressing issues. I was thinking about how things were going to go when Edward and especially his psychotic fiancé found out that I was back in Forks for Alice and Jasper's wedding. Mostly, I was wondering how I was going to react to Edward. He was such a prominent person in my life and I just left him here and moved on with my life… how would things be between the two of us?

As the cab pulled up in front of the hotel, both of my friends gasped at its size and grandeur. Before the flight I had called to reserve us a room and it was actually one of the nicest ones in Seattle. Greg was a doll and let me put the room on the company's tab. Said it was his way of helping one of his up and coming authors out. Plus he hoped that maybe the time away would inspire something new for me. My first book was going to be coming out soon and he was ready to see what other original ideas I could come up with.

The girls scattered around the room as soon as we crossed the threshold. They were quickly showering and getting dressed for our night out on the town. Me, I crashed on the couch with my cell phone. Pushing three on my speed dial, I pushed the button to make a call. After about two rings, Alice answered.

"Hey, Ally."

"_Bella!! Are you here yet?"_ She asked.

"Yeah, we are going to stay over in Seattle tonight though. My friends have never been to Seattle and they wanted to see some stuff before I bring them to the middle of no man's land."

"_I totally understand. So you will be in tomorrow sometime?"_

"Yeah, around four or five probably."

"_Great, tomorrow we are going to the dress shop so you can try on your dress."_

I couldn't help but feel another moment of dread. I hadn't forgotten Emmett and Rosalie's wedding and I knew Alice. Her wedding was going to be even more fancy and extravagant.

"Great," I said sarcastically.

"_Oh, Bella. You are being overly dramatic about this. It won't be that bad."_

"We don't all find dresses and fittings to be fun, Alice."

I looked up to see Tiffany and Joanne walking out of the bathroom to stare at me. I knew they were wondering why I wasn't getting ready for our girls night out.

"Alice, I need to go, I think Tiff and Joanne are going to kill me so if I don't make it through tonight, tell everyone I love them."

"_I will," _she chuckled. _"Talk to you tomorrow, Bells. Bye."_

I ended the call to see a glimmer of mischief in their eyes.

"You aren't ready, Bella," stated Tiffany.

"I was calling to check in with Alice. Sorry."

Tiffany grabbed my hand and drug me into the bathroom and was pulling out her hair iron and was quickly waving my hair along with putting on a light layer of makeup with a soft, pale baby pink gloss. Joanne had an outfit pulled from my suitcase and was forcing me into it before I could say anything.

When I stepped out of the bathroom, I didn't look like Bella Swan, but someone else. The woman had been staring back at me from the bathroom mirror was a woman that had this look of absolute confidence. She was a force to be reckoned with. She could walk in a room and take control of everything. She could make men fall at her feet and beg for just a moment of her attention. It was strange, but I loved it. I wanted to be that woman, at least for tonight. Especially since no one in this city knew me as the geeky Bella from Forks. I could be anything I wanted, and I wanted this…at least for tonight.

"Damn girl, you will have the guys at your feet tonight. Glad that your boyfriend is no where to be seen because we would be bailing him out of jail for kicking the butt of every guy that lays eyes on you tonight," stated Joanne while she was putting on her necklace.

"Lets get out of here, I don't want to be out all night."

Grabbing our keys, we were down the elevator and at the front of the hotel hailing a cab to take us to this restaurant that Greg told us that we should go to. Again, he was paying for this portion of the trip. I must have really impressed him. Companies normally didn't spend this much money on a new author.

The restaurant was nice. In my mind, it was a little too fancy, and too expensive for my taste, but my friends loved it. They loved having all the fancy food and French champagne. Me, I would have loved to have a sandwich somewhere. When they were done with their food they started to ask where the best place to go for drinks would be. It was then that our server recommended this bar no far from the restaurant… The Casino. He told us that it wasn't a fancy place, but it wasn't a dive either. Mostly he told us that they were having karaoke tonight and my friends couldn't pass up the opportunity to listen to people make fools of themselves. Drunks were hilarious when they sang karaoke.

We didn't even take a cab. We just walked down the street, since it was only a block away and it was in a well lit neighborhood. When we walked in front of it, you would have sworn it was a place that could have been seen in the 1920's… a speakeasy. The atmosphere was similar to one too. The place was dark, and had walls that had iron grate windows throughout the place. The bar located in the center of the room with numerous table in which games of poker were being played. We found a table not far from the bar and Joanne quickly went to the bar to get us drinks. She returned and I began to sip at my drink when they announced that they were going to be starting karaoke soon and that people should come to sign up to sing.

"You should sing something, Bella."

I turned to see Tiffany looking at me. Serious about her comment too.

"I don't think so, Tiff. Singing isn't my thing."

"I'll sing if you do…" She said, trying to tempt me.

"What would you sing, may I ask…"

"I Hate Myself For Loving You," she said with confidence.

"Joan Jett. Very classic."

"Come on, Bells. Be bold. Do something crazy… it's just us with you. No one else you know is here. Have this moment of fun," teased Joanne.

I sat there and thought about it for a moment. I wanted to be that woman. The strong, confident woman that could make the world fall at her feet, but I was a coward when it came to standing in front of people to do anything. Joanne was right though. The only people that I knew in this bar were her and Tiffany. So why not?

"Okay, but you can't make fun of me later about it."

"Never. Especially since I can't sing and I am going to," laughed Tiffany.

I followed her up and she told the DJ what song she wanted to sing and I began to flip through the book when I came across this song that I had listened to and I fell in love with. I quickly wrote my song choice down and the DJ told me that I would sing after Tiffany.

Sitting back at the table, we listened to many people get up there and some were making absolute fools of themselves. It was fun, even if I didn't say it out loud to my friends. I was worried though. Something told me that this moment of fun was going to do something to change my world completely. How it would change it… I didn't know.


	27. Chapter 26: The Casino

Hello Everyone.

I am sorry it's taken a while to get this chapter ready to post. If you have been over at twilighted (dot) net you will find out how much time I have been spending. I spend lots of time over at twilighted so I invite everyone to come over and talk with me about the story or random things too. I would like to thank my reviewers and I am sorry that I haven't been able to reply to your reviews. I have been behind since I just got home from Chicago this past Sunday.

I hope everyone is ready for this chapter… many of you have been asking about it since I started working on this story.

My normal stuff: The Twilight series and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Support the fave authors and stories on my faves and check out twilighted. The stories there are awesome.

I dedicate this chapter to my friend twilightgurl22. I love you so much and I had so much fun visiting with you last week. Can't wait for November so I can come back.

I send my love to the Three Amigas and to the ladies of twilighted. Thanks for the update too Halo. I am getting ready to read it as soon as I get it all together for my posting.

Now, on with the story…

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Chapter 26 The Casino Song: I Want You To Want Me by Cheap Trick  
Reasoning: I thought it was kind of funny. Mostly it fit well with the story. Check out the version by Letters to Cleo too. Both versions are awesome.

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Chapter 26: The Casino

**January 2008: A Week After Charlie's Death**

I like my job, but it requires me to go to a lot of training sessions which I hate… a lot. While driving home from the latest one, I had a bad feeling. Why? I wasn't really sure, but I knew something was going on. I guess the main reason was because my family was being really secretive before I left for the latest training session in Port Angeles.

Before I left for my latest training session, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie were planning a trip. To where, they would never say. Even my parents were acting weird. Lately, I have come to the realization that it was completely pointless to ask about anything, because they would never tell me anything. Didn't really matter what it was I would ask about, they would never speak a word about it. Basically, it was just better not to ask, it was an absolute waste of time.

So when I returned from Port Angeles a week later, I pulled up the driveway slowly and turned the key when I was just outside of the garage. I looked to see that I was the only person home with the exception of my parents. Mostly, I was glad that Tanya was nowhere to be found because I wanted some down time to myself before I had to deal with her. I knew she was going to be clingy since I had been gone for week. I had no idea where she was, but was glad it wasn't here.

Slipping into the house, I could hear my parents talking in the living room. Normally I didn't really pay that much attention to what they talked about. They had their personal lives and I respected that. Even though they didn't like Tanya, they respected my life with her and our privacy. So, when I was passing by, I was shocked to hear a name that was hardly mentioned in this house anymore and in turn caused me to pause just outside the door to listen.

"This has to be hard on Bella, Carlisle. She has so much going in her life, and now she has to deal with this," stated my mother, while she leaned back into one of the chairs.

"I couldn't imagine how badly Bella is feeling now and poor Renee… I told Jasper and Emmett to go over to the Swan house get it ready to be closed up. When I talked to Bella she wouldn't say what else to do with it. I don't think she is ready to face Forks yet, and I know that Renee will not likely come back so it will all fall on Bella to take care of," sighed my father.

I continued to stand outside the door and listened in on their conversation. Something wasn't right about what they were saying and how they were saying it.

"Esme, Alice seems a little worried about Bella. She compared it to how she was acting after she left Forks. I am really worried about her."

"I am too, but what do you expect. Look at how much she has been through in her life. Now that she has lost Charlie, I don't know what to expect from her."

Lost Charlie? What happened to Charlie Swan that would hurt Bella so much? The stuff that they were saying wasn't making any sense…

"The kids said that the service was nice. Bella was closed off, but it was nice. I just hope that she is okay someday, Carlisle. She deserves happiness, especially with everything she has dealt with in her life."

When my mother mentioned the word service and when I added it to Charlie that I started to think. When my mind clicked into place to understand what happened, I burst into the room. I knew that Charlie had been sick, but I had no idea that it was so bad that it would lead to his death.

"What the hell is going on?" I exclaimed. "Why have you been hiding stuff from me?"

My parents turned to me, shocked that I had been listening to their conversation.

"Edward, we are sorry…" started my father.

"Sorry, for what? Hiding something like this from me? My best friend looses her father and no one seems to think that I should know? Or was it Bella? Did she not want me to know?"

They both looked at me. It was obvious that they were trying to figure out what to say to me. To justify hiding something like this from me… Watching them I couldn't figure out what they were thinking. I was betting they weren't really sure what to think. One thing I was sure of was that I wasn't thinking very well at the moment. The idea that Bella wouldn't want me there with her when something like this happened was unthinkable. It didn't matter how much time had passed or what had happened, she would know that I would want to be there with her.

"Edward, Bella wasn't doing very well at all. She didn't want anyone there," said Esme.

"It doesn't matter. I should have had the choice to go if I wanted to go," I yelled.

"Calm down, Edward," stated Carlisle as he stood from where he had been sitting.

"Calm down? Calm down?! This is Bella we are talking about," I screamed.

I hadn't notice that we had been joined by Tanya and Alice. Both looked concerned and confused by what was going on before their eyes.

"Edward, calm down," yelled Alice.

I turned to face her, my eyes were shining with all the hurt that I was feeling. I couldn't believe that Alice of all people could keep this from me. She would know that I would want to be there for my friend.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why?! That was where you four went… you went to a funeral," I roared.

"Edward, she wasn't in any state that she could have dealt with you."

"So she hates me that much?! She hates me so much that she doesn't want me anywhere near her?!" I asked, my eyes burning into hers.

"Far from it," she muttered.

I turned to look at Tanya, and her eyes were cold. When she finally looked over at me, I saw a cold and cruel smile form on her lips.

"What is that smile about?" I asked with uncertainty.

"I think it's funny that you are getting so damn worked up over a little girl that doesn't give a damn if you exist or not," she sneered.

"You don't know a damn thing about Bella so shut up," I yelled.

"See… You always defend her, no matter what. Edward, she is a cold hearted bitch and she doesn't give a damn about you," she yelled.

"You are not going to talk about my friend like that," exclaimed Alice as she stepped between Tanya and me. "Bella is ten times the person that you are!"

By now, my parents had stepped in and all four of them were yelling at one another, and I put my hands on my head, running my fingers through my hair. I was trying to push the screaming of my family from my mind with hopes of getting my emotions in check.

Tanya's words cut, and I even considered them. Was Tanya right? Was Bella that cold that that she didn't care about me at all? No… Bella would never be that cold. Bella wasn't that kind of person. I knew I hurt Bella all those years ago, and she was one that didn't forgive easily. So no wonder she didn't want to let me know about her father's death.

They continued to scream at each other and I finally reached the moment that I couldn't take it anymore. I turned and stormed toward the front door, heading straight to my garage. Slamming the door behind me, I stopped in the very center and began to look around me. I didn't know what came over me, but I began to throw everything that I could get my hands on. I slung my tools from the bench, flipped chairs, and threw a punch into the wall of the building.

"Damn it!" I roared.

I leaned my body against the front of off road truck and put my hands on my face, trying to calm myself down. I was hurt that Bella didn't want me to know about Charlie's death, more than anything… I was worried about her. I knew how much she loved Charlie. I cared a lot about Charlie too. Not many fathers would be that comfortable letting their daughters spend that much time with a guy that was known as a womanizer throughout the town.

I heard the door open and I when I looked up I saw Tanya standing there.

"You are a fool."

"Shut up," I stated as I turned away from her.

"You act like you care about her more than you do me and I am your damn fiancé," she shrieked.

"Shut up," I yelled as I came face to face with her.

She stared at me. Her eyes never left mine. I wasn't going to stand here and justify why I cared about Bella. She was always going to be my friend, even if Tanya liked it or not. How could Tanya not see how much it hurt me to have my best friend shut me out of her life? Was she blind to that fact?

I realized in that moment she couldn't. She would never understand how my friendship with Bella made me who I was. She was the person that always had faith in me. Well… it looked like she may have lost her faith in me now, but I never let that stay in my mind long. I always tried to keep the good stuff in mind, never the sad or the bad. With that, I turned for the door, leaving her standing there.

"Where the hell do you think you are going?" She shrieked yet again.

I put my hand on the door knob for a second. I couldn't be here right now. I hurt too much. I missed Bella too much to stand here and be criticized by my fiancé about how I felt.

"I'm leaving."

I pulled the door open and walked across the yard toward my bike, which was parked in the driveway. I could hear Tanya screaming from behind me, but I didn't care. She could scream and scream but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered at this moment.

Stepping onto the bike I kicked it to life and the engine roared. When I was pushing down on the clutch, Tanya was finally getting close enough for me to actually hear what she was screaming about, but I didn't want to know so I pushed the gas and I quickly rode away from her.

The wind was rushing by, blowing my hair. I wanted nothing more than to have it blow away how badly I was feeling at this moment. However, no matter how fast I was going, the feeling of sadness that flooded my body wouldn't leave me.

I didn't think about anything… I just rode. I didn't turn around either. I just rode until Forks was a faint thing on the horizon. It was the one place that I didn't want to be. Mostly, I needed to work through my pain, and gather my thoughts and Forks was the last place I needed to be at the moment.

**October 2007**

"Hey, Edward… can we talk?" Yelled Jasper. He was running to catch up with me.

"I guess," I replied as I pushed the garage door open. "What's on your mind?"

"I asked Alice to marry me."

I chuckled. I was starting to wonder when he was going to get enough courage to ask my sister to marry him. It was obvious that he loved her from the moment he laid eyes on her when we were younger. Jasper never had eyes for any other woman besides my sister. I was impressed. There were days that I wished that I was more like Jasper in that way.

"Congrats. I was starting to wonder when you would get brave enough to ask her."

"We can't all be like you, Edward," he replied.

"Guess not," I laughed as I walked toward my work bench.

"Anyway, I have a favor to ask you," he started.

"What would that be?" I asked back.

"Would you be my best man?"

Best man, huh? I had already done the job once when my brother married Rose, and I wasn't sure if I really wanted to do it again. Sighing, I thought about it for a moment. Jasper would do it for me, and I knew it.

"Yeah, I'll be your best man."

We had one of those moments that most guys would feel a little uncomfortable but it okay with me. Jasper had been one of my friends since the beginning so it didn't bother me too much. He was my best friend… well, best guy friend. My best friend would always be Bella.

"So when is the big day then? Anytime soon?" I asked.

"The third Saturday of January," he replied.

Third Saturday… two months away. That meant that Alice would be rushing around the house for the next couple of months like a crazy woman. Then I realized that I would be in for a round of complaining from Tanya since Alice and Jasper would be getting married before we were. Just great…

"Well, we better get ready for the craziness that we call Alice."

"I trust her. I can't wait," he said with a smile. "I got to go tell Rose, before Alice does. She will kill me if I don't tell her. Guess that is what you get when you have a twin."

"You better hurry, or Alice will beat you to it. Bet Rose will be happy to be Alice's matron of honor too."

"Yeah, bet she will be," he said, his voice a little strange.

He turned and left me standing there. Something was a little strange about his response to Rose being in the wedding. I wonder what is going on…

**December 2007**

My house has become a place of complete insanity. You can't walk anywhere without seeing something wedding related lying around. There are fabric samples for the tablecloths, flower samples, and tons of other things that I'm really sure what they are or what they do.

The whole situation in turn was making Tanya even crankier than normal. I was right when I thought that she would be mad about Jasper and Alice getting married. The thing that I honestly think made her the angriest was the fact that Alice didn't ask her to be in the wedding. It didn't surprise me that Alice didn't ask her, since Alice hates her, but Tanya wasn't really observant when people didn't like her. Tanya thinks EVERYONE loves her.

Luckily, Tanya wasn't around today so that meant that I was going to get some down time away from her. Even without her being there, the house was still crazy since Alice, Rose, and my mother were running around the house doing last minute wedding preparations. Every time I saw one of them, they had a cell phone to their ear trying to work on wedding stuff. Watching them made me tired so I wanted nothing more than to relax so the plan was to head to the living room for some rest and relaxation.

As I was walking down the hall to the living room, I heard Emmett pacing around the dinning room. When I got closer I heard him talking so I paused and glanced in the room. He was talking on the phone with someone, so to keep him from knowing that I was there, I stepped back outside the doorway, but close enough that I could hear what was going on.

"Guess so. So… when are you coming in for the wedding?"

I stood there for a moment wondering who he would be talking to. I didn't know that anyone was coming from a far distance for the wedding since most of our family lived in Washington.

"Aw, come on Bells. You know you are excited to see everyone. Especially me."

Bella… he was talking to Bella. No big deal…

Suddenly, my mind registered what I just heard. He was talking to Bella about the wedding and from what he just said… Bella was coming!

My mind raced. The idea that Bella was going to be back in Forks was something that I never thought was going to happen. She swore never to come back and now she was. Maybe this was going to be my chance to make up with her, to make things right with her.

I walked away from the doorway and threw myself on the couch as soon as I reached the living room. Bella back in Forks…

**A Couple of Days Later…**

I kept my knowledge that Bella was coming back to Forks to me. Mostly because I knew that they were trying to hide that Bella was coming home for the wedding. My main concern was that Tanya was going to find out about Bella coming before I was ready for her to find out. I wanted to figure out how to handle Bella before the bomb was dropped that she was going to be here.

The sight of Alice skipping around the house was a pleasant sight. She was skipping past me while Tanya was lying across my chest on the couch. I enjoyed Tanya a lot more when she was not saying anything at all.

"Why are you so happy?" Snapped Tanya.

"None of your damn business," replied my sister.

"Temper, temper…" giggled my fiancé.

"If you should know, my maid of honor is getting here in a day or so, thank you very much."

I felt my body go stiff. Maid of honor? I thought… Rose… My mind started to work quickly. If her maid of honor was coming, it was BELLA!! This was bad. Very bad. Tanya was going to freak out. It was good for me since I wanted to make peace with Bella, but bad because Tanya was going to throw a fit about it. The idea that Bella was going to be in the same room with me for a while was going to make her angry, but having to spend massive amounts of time with Bella was going to enrage her to the point of no return.

"I thought Rosalie was going to be your matron of honor? She sneered.

"Well, that is what you get for thinking," chuckled Alice.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"That means you shouldn't assume stuff. My maid of honor could and probably will put you in your place before the end of this."

_Oh no. This is getting worse by the moment._

"Well then, who is this person that is going to put me in my place?" She asked, glaring at Alice.

"Come on Tanya, we need to do a couple of things," I said, trying to pull her out of the room.

"No, I want to know who she thinks is going to put me, Tanya Mason, in her place."

I looked at Alice, hoping she would meet my eyes. They were begging her to shut up. I wanted to have a chance to fix things with Bella and I figured this was going to be my one and only shot at it.

"Someone you don't ever want to step foot back in Washington," giggled my sister.

Tanya stood there for a moment, my hand still wrapped around her arm. I couldn't help but hope she would realize who Alice was talking about, but when I felt Tanya's body go stiff, I knew she knew.

"That bitch is coming back," she screamed.

Alice stood there with a happy smirk across her face. Tanya quickly jerked out of my hands and glared back at me.

"You knew this…"

"No, he didn't. He does now though," responded Alice.

I couldn't help but thank Alice for that. She didn't know that I knew about Bella's soon to be arrival.

"That witch isn't getting with a thirty feet of my fiancé," she stated.

"Tanya, stop it."

She turned to look at me. Her eyes were cold and were starting to fill with fire.

"You are not going to be anywhere near her. I don't care how long she has been gone, she will still want you and you are not hers. You belong to me."

"I am not a piece of meat," I stated.

"I don't give a damn what you think. I don't want that bitch near you," she screamed while she turned to Alice. "You planned this. You want to get rid of me. I am here to stay you little…"

"You call my sister a bitch, we are through."

She turned back to me yet again and glared.

"You know she did this on purpose… she hates me," she said, trying to get me to be sympathetic with her.

"Stop it. I know what the hell you are doing and it isn't going to work. I don't have to deal with this crap. I'm out of here."

"Where are you going, Edward?" Asked my sister before my fiancé had the chance to ask.

"No idea, but I am going to get as far from here as possible."

I walked away and I could hear them yelling at one another, but I was at the point that I didn't care. Both of them hated each other so much, it didn't matter if I was there to referee the match or not.

I slipped onto my bike and it roared to life yet again. The last time I felt this way was when I found out about Charlie's death. I got on my bike and rode until I got to Seattle and I found this club that I decided to drown myself in a bottle of beer. So, what else could I do but go back there.

It wasn't a place that I could normally go to but it was an interesting place. I even won some money while I was there. The Casino.

As I rode, I couldn't help but think about everything that had lead to this moment. If Tanya had never come into my life, Bella would likely be still here and it would be like it was in high school. Well, maybe not exactly like high school but we would still be friends.

The wind roared in my ears as I drove. I wanted nothing more than to let the sounds of my bike and the wind to drown out my thoughts, but I knew that I had gotten myself into more trouble than it was worth by leaving. _Oh, well._

When I arrived in Seattle though, I was ready for a drink. I slipped my bike into a parking lot not far from the club and headed for the entrance. I was met by the bouncer that I met the last time I was there too.

"Back again?" He asked.

"Yeah, and I'm in just as good of mood as then," I grumbled.

As I walked into the club, I looked around the room. I noticed quickly that it was karaoke night in The Casino. Great, a night to listen to a bunch of drunken people sing. Walking toward the bar I found a barstool at the center of the bar. The bartender came over and stood in front of me before I had a chance to realize he was there.

"What can I get you buddy?" He asked.

"Beer," I mumbled.

He walked over to a cooler and pulled out a bottle and sat it down in front of me.

"Why so glum?"

I looked up to meet his eyes when I realized he was talking to me.

"Life sucks," I replied, taking a big swig of my beer.

"It can't be that bad."

"I just left my fiancé and my sister fighting about my best friend."

"Ouch, I see what you mean."

He left me alone to go down the bar to get other people drinks while I sat there drinking my beer. Sighing, I glanced around the club. The card tables were filling up and most of the other tables were filling up as well.

What caught my attention was when three women entered the club. I normally didn't look at women that much anymore, but when these women walked in, they were asking to be looked at. One in particular had caught my attention.

She was tall, and slender. Her chocolate hair fell in waves around her face and down the exposed skin of her back. Dressed in a tight fitting midnight blue dress that fit all her curves perfectly, she followed the other two toward a table that was located near the DJ. I watched from the corner of my eye as they took their seats.

"Checking out that woman in blue?"

I looked back to see the bartender back beside me.

"Just looking. Engaged," I stated.

"Damn. I bet you were wishing you weren't now. That one is…" He trailed off.

I turned to look at them again. The woman in blue had her back to me, but I could see how long her legs were from where I was. Her skin was a pale milky color, but it was fitting for her. I watched as one of the women was walking toward the bar. She walked right beside me and ordered herself a drink along with ones for her two friends. She wasn't anything to look at in comparison to the woman in blue. As fast as she arrived, she was back at her table.

I went back to my drink, when I heard them laughing, I turned to see them giggling about something. Obviously it had something to do with the woman in blue. Then I noticed the woman walking along with the blonde to the DJ. One of them was going to sing. It didn't take me long to realize that it was going to be the blonde singing so I lost interest. I was more interested in the brunette.

The DJ announced that they would be starting and I had to suffer through lots of horrible singers. He announced the friend of the brunette as Tiffany and she went up and sang I Hate Myself For Loving You. She wasn't that bad. Not the best, but a heck of a lot better than most of the drunks. After she was done singing, I turned my back the people singing karaoke.

The next song surprised me though. The intro started and I heard a bunch of guys from the club begin to whistle and the club then was flooded with a woman's voice.

_I want you to want me  
I need you to need me  
I'd love you to love me  
I'm beggin' you to beg me _

I turned to see it was the woman in blue. Her face was covered by her long hair, but the woman was singing and it was amazing.  
_  
I want you to want me  
I need you to need me  
I'd love you to love me  
I'll shine up my old brown shoes  
Put on a brand new shirt  
Get home early from work  
If you say that you love me  
__  
Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'  
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'  
Feeling all alone without a friend you know you feel like dying  
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'  
__  
I want you to want me  
I need you to need me  
I'd love you to love me  
I'm beggin' you to beg me  
I'll shine up my old brown shoes  
Put on a brand new shirt  
Get home early from work  
If you say that you love me  
__  
Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'  
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'  
Feeling all alone without a friend you know you feel like dying  
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'_

I wanted nothing more than for her hair move enough I could see her face, but it never moved enough to get a good look at her. Maybe when the song was over…  
_  
I want you to want me  
I need you to need me  
I'd love you to love me  
I'm beggin' you to beg me  
I want you to want me  
I want you to want me  
I want you to want me  
I want you to want me_

The club erupted in a cheer when the song was over.

"Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Bella!"

I felt my eyes go wide and when I looked up at the stage, I thought I was going to fall off my barstool. Before my eyes was someone that I didn't expect to see, at least not looking like that.

If it wasn't for her eyes I wouldn't have recognized her. Her features weren't the same. What did I expect? She had been gone for years. My eyes traveled down her body and I realized something quickly. Bella had grown up and she definitely was gorgeous.

I looked around the club, and I noticed that every guy there was watching her as she went back to her table with her friends. I wanted nothing more than to take her out of this club and away from their prying eyes. They were looking at her like she was some piece of meat. Seeing these guys eying her like that was making me angrier.

"You look like you have seen a ghost, buddy."

I turned to look at the bartender again.

"I think I have," I said before I turned back to the table.

"Think she has some guys wanting to take her home."

The thought of some random guy taking Bella home, ticked me off. No one would do anything to her, not as long as I was around.

"I bet she won't go with them though," I said, hoping that she was still like the girl I knew back in high school. That Bella wouldn't give those guys the time of day.

I ordered another beer, and I continued to watch her. She acted like Bella, but she didn't look the same. Her hair was different, and she would have never worn anything like that before. I wasn't saying that she didn't look amazing in that dress, but it wasn't something I was used to seeing Bella in. When she wasn't hiding in baggy jeans or big sweatshirts she looked… beautiful. Absolutely stunning…

"Buddy, if you don't pick that jaw up off the floor, the other women that are checking you out will think you are weird."

I shook my head and glanced around to see that many of the women in the club were staring at me, but they didn't matter. Only one woman had my attention, and she didn't even know I was in the club.

"If you are going to keep staring, why don't you go talk to her? You are engaged… not married," stated the bartender.

He had no idea how much I wanted to go over and talk to her, but I knew it wouldn't end well if I did. I kept watching her. Her eyes sparkled and her smile was breathtaking when she turned enough that I could actually see her face. _What am I saying? I am thinking like I am examining a woman on the street… not my best friend!!_

"So, you are going to go talk to her?" He asked again.

"No, but if I bought them around of drinks would you do something? Could you deliver a message to the woman in blue?" I asked.

"I guess I can do that. What's the message?"

"Tell her that her best friend says hello and that he will see her in Forks."

"Sounds simple enough. Okay."

I pulled out some money from my pocket and threw it on the bar. Next, I stood and headed for the door.

"Why you running off, buddy? Scared of her response…"

I turned to look at Bella for a moment and quickly looked back at the bartender. Again, he had no idea.

"Just not ready to face her just yet."

I turned and headed for the door, but before I got out of the door, I turned back to the table. A waitress was dropping off the drinks, and she leaned in to whisper in her ear. When the woman stood, I watched as Bella turned and glanced to the bar and then toward the door. Her eyes locked with mine immediately.

I was frozen there. I looked at her and I could see her surprise and something else shimmering on the surface of her expression.

Shock? Anger? What? I wasn't sure.

I finally broke eye contact with her and walked through the door. When I got outside I leaned up against the building, closing my eyes in hopes of gathering myself. I never felt like that when I saw Bella before. It was like I was sinking into her eyes and I was close to drowning in their depths. I realize though that I only had a few seconds to get away from the club or she would be out the door looking for me so I headed for my bike.

Kicking it to life, I looked back to the club to see her standing outside it looking around. She was looking for me. To yell or to talk, I wouldn't know until she came home. I pushed on the clutch and slowly pushed down on the gas and the bike rumbled as I pulled away.

The ride back to Forks was one that I wasn't expecting. I was expecting to have my thoughts about Bella gone and I could go back to deal with Tanya's fury, but now my thoughts were flooded with nothing but Bella. I could see how perfect she looked and how she was so different but yet she was still the same.

I went inside the house when I got home, but I knew better than to go to my room. I knew Tanya was waiting up for me, so I slipped into Emmett's old room. Throwing myself on the bed, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I wanted to push the image of Bella from my mind, but for some weird reason she wouldn't leave. I was enchanted by her. Pulling the pillow close to me, I let my body relax and tried to fall asleep. As I started to feel myself falling asleep, I had this moment of wonder. Wondering if Bella's pink lips were as soft as what they looked when I saw her tonight…


	28. 27: It's All Coming Back To Me Now

Hello Everyone…

Here is the next installment in this little story of Edward and Bella. We are close to one of the moments that we all have been waiting on, the Clueless Wonder becoming not so clueless to his feelings!!

First, I want to thank my reviewers. I know I have been horrible about replying lately, but with work and all, its tough to stay awake long enough to answer them as soon as I read them. So I beg your forgiveness. You guys are wonderful. Please keep reviewing. I love hearing what you think. :)

The Normal Stuff: Twilight and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Check out my faves on my profile and come over to twilighted (dot) net and hang out on the forums. We are an interesting group of people. I talk a lot over there and sometimes I put up teasers.

The Three Amigas (you still know who you are) I love you guys, and I hope you get some inspirations Sweet Pea. I know you are bummed about MS but I have faith that you will find your inspiration again. To the ladies over on twilighted… I hope you like this chapter. I send my love to pwtf, who knows?, halo, FraA, and amblovestoread… thanks for being so awesome.

* * *

Chapter 27 It's All Coming Back To Me Now Song: It's All Coming Back To Me Now – Celine Dion  
Reasoning: I am not a massive fan of Celine Dion for starters. I just think that many of these lines fit the story. I could imagine Bella doing some of the things in this song. It's just tough to be fight the things you feel.

* * *

Chapter 27: It's All Coming Back To Me Now

The club continued to fill with people, and I kept listening to Tiffany and Joanne going on and on about stuff, but to be completely honest…. I really didn't care what they were talking about. That feeling that something was going to happen to me wasn't going away.

"Earth to Bella… come in Bella."

I turned to see Tiffany staring at me. I shook my head trying to push the worries from my mind, but they just would go away. They just remained cloaked in the shadows of my mind.

"What?"

"They are starting the karaoke. It won't be long till we get up there," replied Tiffany, her eyes sparkling.

Groaning, I couldn't help but think that this was the craziest thing I could do while I was here. Singing was something I did in the shower, not in public. I had sung in the car around my friends, but that was different, they were my friends. Singing on a stage in front of tons of people wasn't something that I consider to be fun. If it wasn't for Tiffany's constant nagging, I wouldn't have agreed to it. Something told me that getting up on that stage was going to end up causing something to be set into motion.

Thirty minutes later, the karaoke started. I listened to a line of drunks singing songs that they shouldn't have been singing since they couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. A couple of singers were pretty good though. I heard a variety of songs from AC/DC to songs like There's A Tear In My Beer.

Finally, the DJ announced Tiffany, she took the stage, and totally rocked singing I Hate Myself For Loving You. I couldn't help but think that it was funny how the words of that song could have fit me a few years ago. I actually hated myself for loving Edward Cullen. No matter what he did, I still loved him… and in some ways I still did. I guess old habits just die hard.

The crowd erupted in cheers and the DJ motioned for me to come on up. I stood and turned back to Joanne before I went forward. After she gave me a reassuring smile, I walked toward the stage. I wanted to give off that feeling of confidence that I saw when I looked in the mirror earlier tonight before we left the hotel, so I lifted my head high and walked like I could bend the will of any person in the club.

The whistles of the men as I walked told me that I was getting the job done. I reached the DJ and he handed me the microphone and I leaned my head forward some for a moment, letting my hair fan across my face. The music started, I felt my body start to keep rhythm with the beat. Then I began to sing… at first I was scared that I would screw up the song, but then I realized that this song was the song that I had always wanted to sing to Edward, but never had the opportunity to do. As I sang, I didn't focus too much on anyone in the club, I wanted to keep my mind in the song, letting the words come from me, expressing everything that I wanted to say but never had the courage to say until this point.

When the final chords of the song ended, the club erupted in applause and cheers, and I couldn't help but feel the blush that I had been keeping under wraps from coming forward.

"Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Bella!" Yelled the DJ from his own microphone.

The crowd continued to cheer while I took a slight bow and headed back toward my seat. Both my friends had cheesy smiles on their face, so I knew I was in for a "why don't you sing for a living, Bella" comments.

"You were awesome, Bells," started Joanne.

"Come on guys, I sing in the shower, nothing else," I replied.

"I'll say this, our girl has got the guys in the club all hot and bothered by her little song and maybe that hot dress too," laughed Tiffany.

I looked around the club and I noticed that there were many pairs of eyes watching me, most of them from the male sex. I shook my head and pushed the thoughts from my mind.

"Doesn't matter though, I have a boyfriend… remember."

"Who isn't your fiancé so you can look… but no touching," laughed Joanne.

Typical Joanne. She just had a way of looking at things. Even though she knew I would never do anything like that to Jake, she would always suggest something like that.

For the next hour, we continued to listen to the singing when we noticed a waitress coming over to our table, a tray of drinks in hand. She stopped at our table and sat them down.

"Excuse me, we didn't order any drinks," I stated as she tried step away from the table.

"A man at the bar ordered them for you and he wanted me to deliver a message to you," she answered, confusing me a little.

She stepped forward and leaned to my ear to whisper the message.

"The man said to tell you that your best friend says hello and he will see you in Forks."

I felt all the blood falling from my face and I felt my heart stop for a split second. _Edward…_

Turning I looked to the bar. My eyes raced down the bar searching for him. It didn't take me long to realize that he wasn't there anymore. I then turned to the next thing that I could think of doing. I searched the room and it was when my eyes fell on the door, that I saw him.

His eyes were locked with mine. I couldn't move, couldn't think, I couldn't do anything but look into his eyes. Their emerald depths had me stuck where I was sitting. He looked like Edward, but there was something more in his eyes… maturity, hurt, I couldn't really tell. All I knew was that I knew deep down that I could stare into those eyes forever, and never bat an eye.

I watched him shake his head and push the door open and leave the club. My mind was in shock that he was in the club, and he never said a word to me. Why would he do that?

"Bella…"

I turned to see worry in my friends eyes. I turned back to look at the door again, though I knew he was already gone.

"Bella, what the hell is going on here?"

Tiffany was getting annoyed that I seemed to be ignoring them, but my mind wasn't processing things like they should. It was horrible. I hadn't laid eyes on Edward Cullen in almost four years and now I see him and it was like it was before I left Forks.

"That was Edward," I replied.

They both looked at each other for a moment and looked back to me.

"That was Edward Cullen?? Is that the guy that you fell in love with and eventually broke your heart, Edward Cullen?" Asked Joanne.

I couldn't answer with words so I nodded in response.

"Go after him," yelled Tiffany.

I jumped from my seat and ran for the door. I didn't know why Tiffany thought I should go after him. I knew he was still with Tanya and nothing had changed between us, but I was still running for the door. Pushing the door open, I stood under this solitary light that lit the doorway up for people to come and go from the club and I searched for him. The streets were dark and even if he was on the street, I wouldn't be able to see him. As I started to walk back to the club, I heard a motorcycle start in the distance and it became quieter as it drove away from the club.

Standing there, I thought about everything. Edward had been there. He saw me and possibly even heard me sing and he never said a word. Why? I knew from what Alice had told me over time that he wanted to talk to me all the time and he had the chance to do it now and he didn't? Was he a coward to face me? Or was I the coward for never wanting to come back to Forks to face him in the first place. This was just too much to deal with at the moment.

I went back inside the club to find my friends were sitting there quietly waiting for my return. When I sat back down, my expression on my face must have spoke a million words to how I was feeling.

"You couldn't find him?" Asked Tiffany.

"Nope. He was gone," I muttered.

"Damn him. You were doing so well with everything and now he had to come and ruin everything," spat Joanne.

"What the hell does that mean?" I asked.

Joanne and Tiffany looked at each other again before Joanne turned her attention back to me.

"Honey, you are not over that guy. You are never going to be over him and from the expression in his eyes, he isn't over you either."

Over me? We were never together so how could he over me in the first damn place.

"We were never together," I stated coldly.

Both of them started to laugh and I wanted nothing more than to hit both of them for laughing at me, especially since I had no idea why they were.

"Bella, you may have never officially been together, but that guy was acting like he was longing for you just by the look in his eye… and you thought you didn't have any power over him," chuckled Tiffany.

Longing? Edward didn't long for me. He had Tanya. Tanya may be a witch but she had a body that would please any guy, so why would Edward Cullen long for plain ol' Bella Swan. Plus, I had a wonderful guy that loved me dearly, so why was the idea of Edward longing for me sending chills down my spine and making my heart flutter like a million butterflies were living within my chest.

"Come on Bella, you can't tell us that you don't think about him… not that we would blame you in the least, your description of him doesn't compare with how he really looks," giggled Joanne.

"Guys, cut it out. I don't feel that way about Edward anymore. I have Jake and I love him. I am just going to have to learn how to be civil with Edward now. Especially with it being Alice's wedding and all. The most we will ever be is friends and I am okay with that."

The words hurt when I said them. Somewhere deep in my heart, there was a part that still longed for Edward Cullen's touch, but it knew better than to surface anymore. Sighing, I looked down that the round of drinks that Edward had bought to see that my friends had already drank theirs so I quickly downed my drink.

"I guess we should get the party pooper home," frowned Tiffany as she stood up.

"Guess so, she doesn't seem like a party person anymore," answered Joanne.

Standing I followed my friends out of the club and back to the hotel. They quickly changed into pajama pants and tanks and I followed suit. By the time I stepped out of the bathroom both of them were deep in some conversation about the sights that they wanted to see before we left Seattle for Forks. The only thing I wanted now was quiet so I slipped onto one of the beds and pulled the covers around me and I stared up at the ceiling for a while.

I couldn't help but think about how Edward was looking at me. Was it longing like Tiffany and Joanne stated or maybe it was just shock of seeing me after so much time. All I knew was that I couldn't dwell on it. I rolled over to my side and closed my eyes, but when I shut them all I could see were Edward's emerald eyes. I don't know how long I stayed there like that, seeing only his eyes, but slowly I slipped into a dreaming slumber, staring my long lost best friend.

**The Next Day…**

Seattle wasn't something that I was really excited to see, but Tiffany and Joanne had never been here so I acted as if I was excited. The thought of going to Forks by the afternoon wasn't something that I was really looking forward to. So, putting on a smiling face, I tried to act happy.

I took them to all the normal tourist spots and around noon we had seen what they wanted to see so that meant it was time to pack up from the hotel and head toward Forks. While putting my stuff back in my suitcase, I began to ask myself a lot of questions. How was I going to handle Edward? I couldn't go back in there and act like nothing had happened all those years ago. The fact was those four years had past and we hadn't spoken a word to each other. Many would think it was childish on my part, but I would have to disagree. I just couldn't handle it so I figured it would be better for the both of us to cut the ties. Well, maybe it was a little childish…

"So, are we going to see your friend, Alice, first?"

My thoughts were jolted back to what was going on around me.

"No, going to the house first, I figured that we needed to get our stuff unpacked before we see Alice. She may never let us out of her sight after we get there," I giggled.

"Sounds like she's an interesting one," replied Tiffany.

"That is an understatement. You should meet Rosalie. They are so much alike."

While they talked, I was loading the luggage back in the Jeep and we were on the road within minutes.

"The way that you talk about them, they seem like they are completely opposite of you. How could you be friends with people like that?" Asked Joanne.

"They say opposites attract, I guess. They really aren't that different from me, with the exception of the shopping obsession."

After that, my friends started to talk to each other again, leaving me with my thoughts again. I quickly moved on to how I would be dealing with Tanya. I wasn't stupid. I knew she hated me, and Alice and Rose had on numerous occasions told me so. I couldn't help but laugh mentally when they told me that she was screaming and ranting about me at times, calling me a bitch in every other sentence. Alice had faith that I could handle her though. I hoped she was right, because I didn't really want to deal with her too much.

When the Forks city limit sign came into view, I felt my breath catch in my throat. I was back. Back in the place that I had sworn I would never come back to. It was the very place that haunted me, even in my dreams. Forks… home sweet home.

As I drove through town I couldn't help the flood of memories that came to me. I passed the high school, the places that I had hung out with the Cullens and Hales. It was when I turned down my old street that I felt the tears streaming down my face.

"Bella, you okay?"

I glanced in the rearview mirror to see Tiffany looking at me, worried.

"I'm fine. I am just overwhelmed being back here I guess. I haven't been here in almost four years, and its strange coming back and my dad isn't here," I answered, hoping she would leave it alone.

Pulling up in the driveway, I looked up at the house, and sighed. It looked the same, exactly like it did when I left four years ago. Stepping out of the rental Jeep, I stepped toward the front steps, but I paused to look out to the place that I used to call home. Turning around I fumbled with the keys that were in my pocket and pushed the key in and turned it. Reaching for the knob, I pushed the door open and felt along the wall for the light switch, and I pushed it up to see the house.

The house wasn't the same, but not completely different. I could tell that Alice and Rose had made some changes to the house so that I wouldn't be as uncomfortable. Tiff and Joanne were coming in while I stood taking in the place. I quickly walked to the kitchen and pulled open the refrigerator to see that they had even stocked it for me. They were hoping that I would stay a while.

"This house is amazing, Bells. This is where you grew up?" Questioned Tiffany.

"Yeah, this is home."

I showed them around the house and led them into the extra bedroom. They left me alone and I walked down the hall and pulled open the door to my bedroom. It was like I was walking into a time warp. It was as clean as it was the day I left and my pictures still scattered the room. The shelves shined back with all the memories that I had been trying to forget, but all the feelings, all the memories, were flooding my thoughts.

My phone began to ring in my pocket, causing me to shake my head and pull it from my pocket. Not looking, I flipped it open.

"Hello."

"_I never thought you would answer me."_

My eyes went wide when I realized who it was that answered back.

"Edward?"

"_I guess you haven't forgotten me completely then."_ He chuckled.

I stood there, trying to figure out what to say. Did I want to yell, or was I going to melt into his words like I used to do? No. I wasn't going to do that. I was stronger than that.

"What do you want, Edward?" I asked, annoyed.

"_Alice was wondering if you were here yet."_

"Why didn't SHE call then?"

"_I told her I would. Are you here yet?"_

"I think you probably know the answer to that," I snapped.

The line was silent for a moment. I wondered if I had made him mad enough that he would hang up on me.

"_Bella…"_

The way that my name sounded made me want to swoon, but I couldn't. It shouldn't. Only one man could make me feel that way. Jake… _I love Jake. Not Edward…_ I thought.

"I got to go. Good bye, Edward."

I flipped the phone shut and stood there as silent as possible. I wanted to cry. I wanted nothing more than to scream to the heavens. He still had that power over me. That man was never going to loose that power over me. Mostly, I couldn't understand how I could still feel this way about a man that hadn't spoken a word to me for four years when I had a man that worshiped me in everyway.

I threw myself down on the bed and pushed my face down into the pillow. I didn't want move, I just laid there motionless. I wanted to hide… no, forget that, I wanted to run again. I wanted nothing more than to go back to Seattle and get on a plane and head home to Jake and my job, but I couldn't. I was stuck here. I was stuck here with a man that could bend me to his will at any moment, without even trying. I'm doomed.

**A Week Later…**

I had been lucky. I had been in Forks for almost a week and I hadn't crossed paths with Edward or Tanya yet. The Cullens came over the night that we arrived and I had spent most of my time with Rose and Alice in hopes of getting everything ready for the wedding.

Tiffany and Joanne were enjoying the Cullens and I was having so much fun being back with them. I received a call from Jacob every evening and I quickly realized how much I missed him while I was here. He told me that he and Kat would be flying in on the same flight for the wedding and that I would be seeing him soon. I couldn't wait.

The fear of crossing paths with Edward never left though. I stayed away from the Cullen house like it was infested with the plague. Alice knew what I was doing, and she kept telling me it was going to be a matter of time before I crossed paths with her brother and it was getting close to time for the rehearsal. Plus they were having a gathering at the Cullen house… a sort of engagement party. To say I was dreading it would be the understatement of the year.

So the night of the engagement party, I did my hair in large curls letting them fall in curly waves down my back, with a few strands framing my face. Slipping into this black evening dress, I put on some make up and looked at myself in the mirror. I couldn't help but think how ordinary that I was going to look in comparison to my friends and to Edward's fiancé.

Sighing I went to my old jewelry box in search of something to compliment the dress I was wearing. I quickly found the jewelry that I wore to the prom. I smiled, as I put in the earrings, bracelet, and necklace and I realized how beautiful the pieces were. The silver shined against my skin and accented the dress very well.

"You ready?"

I looked to see Joanne standing in a light pink dress just outside my doorway.

"Ready as I will ever be," I replied.

Going down the stairs was a challenge, since I was in high heels, but I made it without killing myself. Locking the house, we loaded up in the Jeep and headed for the Cullen house. I was worried. Actually I was beyond worried. Especially since I knew the bitch would be there. More than anything, I didn't want to face Edward, at least not yet. I wasn't sure how to handle Edward. Mainly because I feel horrible about how I left Forks all those year sago.

Driving up the long drive to the Cullen house, made me sick at my stomach, since I never thought I would step foot in that house again. The lights shined in the distance and I could see that my friends were amazed with how big it was and how elegant it was compared to places at home.

After parking the Jeep, I stepped out to be met by Esme and Carlisle. I really missed them. I stood talking to them while many others were coming in and were being greeted just inside the door by Jasper and Alice. I looked around to see if I could find the object of my nervousness, but he was no where in sight. I was about to take a sigh of relief when I saw Tanya descending the stairs. Her blonde hair was sweeping down her back in waves and her dress was a tight fitting violet that was extra short along with thigh high black stiletto boots. The only word that I could use to describe her was a slut.

When she reached the bottom of the stairs she finally saw me standing there, and her eyes went ice cold. I knew I was in for a long night now. I told Esme and Carlisle that I would see them later as I went into the house to find Joanne and Tiffany. As I passed by her, I could see that she was trying to flash her engagement ring in front of me, trying to get a rise from me. Unlike her, I didn't care that much about a stupid engagement ring. I wanted nothing more than to walk up to her and hit her in the face.

I found the table that had the drinks on it and I quickly lifted the glass to my lips, hoping and praying that I could get enough to drink before I had to deal with Tanya.

"Hello Bella."

_Damn it!_ I thought.

"Hello Tanya. How are you?" I asked, trying to seem polite.

"I'm wonderful. Life couldn't get any better. I think Edward and I are going to be setting a wedding date soon."

Again, I was fighting the urge to hit her, but I kept my cool. I didn't want to ruin this party for Alice and Jasper, though they would be totally understanding of my anger.

"I know he will make you happy," I said, trying to back away from her.

I turned and heading in a straight line for the back door when I heard her following me. When I reached the back door, I saw a hand push the door closed to prevent me from getting away from her. I turned to face her. Her eyes were cold but could have burnt a hole in me if that was actually possible.

"You are not going to have him."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked.

"Don't play stupid with me. You want my fiancé and I am not going to let you have him. Go off and play house with that old man of yours," she sneered.

"For starters," I said, my anger rising, "I don't want Edward nor does he want me because he asked YOU to marry him. Second, don't talk about my boyfriend. You don't know a damn thing about Jake."

She took a step toward me and pushed me against the door.

"You may be fooling everyone here, but I know you want him. Try anything, and I will destroy you."

She turned and walked toward a group of people that I didn't know. I pulled the door open and walked out into the back yard. I couldn't help but scream out in frustration.

"What's wrong, Jingle Bells?"

I turned around to see Edward standing behind me. His eyes were studying mine and I wanted nothing more than to grab him by the throat and strangle him to death.

"Where you going to tell me that you were there or were you going to make me look like a fool like you did at the club?"

"I didn't know it was you in the club until the DJ mentioned your name and I looked at you really close."

"That's bull you and you know it," I stated.

"Bella, you don't look the same… like now. You were the girl that didn't wear a dress unless she had to and now it's like you were them so freely."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. I knew it was so high school like, but it was the perfect response.

"That kind of stuff happens when we grow up, Edward. I'm not the same girl that I was then."

He walked toward me slowly and stopped when he was standing beside me. I could feel the heat radiating off his body, and I wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch him, but I refrained from it.

"I know. You don't know how much I know."

"What are you talking about?" I asked a little confused about what he had said.

"Bella, I have made mistakes in my life and I wish that I could take them back and do them again. Like the whole situation with Tanya, I wish I would have told you about her before the night that I dropped her on the whole family."

"Doesn't matter, its done and over with," I said trying to keep him from continuing.

"It does matter. Bella, that moment cost me your friendship. Something that was very important to me. You don't know how badly I have felt about that."

I walked out away from him a bit. Being so close to him was making it difficult to think.

"Edward, it isn't time for what ifs. The fact is what is done is done. We can't play these games that say how we would do things differently if we had the chance. There is no point. A person only has to come to terms with what they did and move on from it."

"It doesn't mean that I am not sorry though, Bella."

The words broke my heart again. He was sorry. Sorry for hiding something so important to him or that his actions caused a break in a friendship that we both though was indestructible.

"Sorry for what? Sorry that you seemed to forget to tell your best friend that you had a girlfriend… sorry that you made me so angry that I couldn't say goodbye to the people that were like my family… sorry that you pushed me to the point that I couldn't even tell you that I was going away to college… WHAT are you sorry for, Edward??" I exclaimed.

He studied me for a moment and he walked toward me. I couldn't look at him so I looked at the ground and hoped that I could get my emotions in check.

The sound of steps on the ground told me that he was walking toward me and it was when I saw the shadow on the ground that I realized how close he really was to me. I felt his hand touch my face and bring it back to eye level. His eyes shined with how sad he was something I didn't want to see.

"Bella, I am sorry that I didn't tell you about Tanya. I'm sorry that I hurt you so much that you ran away from Forks, leaving all of us behind, but mostly Bella, I am sorry that was a coward that I didn't try to fix this before now. You are my best friend, the person that could figure me out without even trying, and I miss you. I have missed you so much, and I haven't been the same without you here. So, I am begging for your forgiveness because I can't live without your friendship or you being in my life in some way."

My eyes watched his face as he spoke, trying to find out how sincere he was about his words. There was no doubt in my mind that he was sincere about what he was saying, but I wasn't sure how I could take the words that he was saying. Too much had happened in my life, I just couldn't let him back in as it was before I left, but… I could let him in slowly…

"Edward… it can't be exactly the same as before. Too many things have happened to us since I left. You are engaged, I have a boyfriend that loves me…"

"Bella, I am not asking for exactly what we had before then, but the chance to prove to you that I am sorry and the opportunity for us to try to be friends again."

I stood there thinking. Could we be friends again? Could we deal with the fact that we both have significant others now and have them not get upset about the other? Would Jake be okay with me being friends with Edward with everything he knows about how I felt about him?

"We can try… but I am not making any promises. I just have one request."

He looked at me and smiled.

"Anything, Bells…"

"Keep your damn fiancé in check."

His expression showed his confusion and he was wondering why I asked that.

"What did she do to you?" He asked.

"She jumped me in the house earlier, and I don't appreciate it. Next time I will send her scrawny rear flying. Understand?"

"Don't worry about Tanya. I'll deal with her," he said with a smile.

We stood outside and watched the stars start to shimmer from above us. It was like old times. We never spoke, but it was different too. It was like we were learning about each other again at the same time. Time had changed us, but it was like we could just start again like no time had passed between us.

Edward moved over to me and put his arm around me and I leaned into his shoulder.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"For what?" I asked.

"For making my world right again."

I couldn't help but laugh. We stood outside the rest of the night and talked. I told him about my life, and how happy I was, and he told me some things that had happened to him as well. It wasn't until Joanne and Tiffany came out to tell us that the party was wrapping up that we had to say our goodbyes to each to each other.

Edward walked me to the Jeep, and I could see Tanya standing inside the house glaring at me. When I shut the door to the Jeep, and put it in reverse, I knew I was in for a long line of questions from my friends. I answered them as simply as possible, not giving them anything more than what they needed to know. I knew them. They would make more out of the time that I spent with Edward than it really was.

I knew that the rehearsal would go better now. At least I would be able to stand in a room with Edward and not be nervous about what could happen. We were now civil with each other. The only issue was that every time he got near… my heart would do flip flops.

**Day Before The Wedding**

"At least you don't have to wear a dress."

"Try wearing a monkey suit."

This was typical conversation between Edward and me. We both hated to dress up and he was happy to know that I wasn't completely different from when we were in high school.

"At least you will have more material covering your body. I will look horrible in it."

"You will look amazing… I will be one of those guys in a monkey suit."

I couldn't help but laugh. It was nice knowing that I could talk to him like this again. It was very relaxing.

We were standing in the same church that Emmett and Rosalie got married in and the coordinator was getting all worked up about all the extra things that Alice wanted to add into the wedding ceremony. I, on the other hand, was just worried about getting up aisle and back.

"Edward…"

I heard the sickeningly sweet voice of his fiancé and it made me want to hurl.

"Yeah," he answered.

"When are you going to be done with this silly rehearsal?" She asked.

"When Alice says so."

Edward turned his back on her and I saw her glare at me since I was standing so close to him. I turned my back on her and went back to listening to Alice talking to the pastor and the wedding coordinator.

"Your fiancé is giving me death looks," I whispered low enough only Edward could hear me.

"Let her, she is just in a bad mood today."

I shook my head. I found out that Edward and Tanya's relationship was far from being a traditional one, actually it probably could be better described as an absolute train wreck.

"Hey, we are going this wedding a little different," started Alice as she walked toward us.

"Different how?" I asked.

"The guys are going to be standing at the front and each bridesmaid is going to walking alone but will be escorted out by one of the groomsmen."

I couldn't help but think that this was bad since I was going to be cursed to walk in stilettos… alone.

"It won't be that bad, Bella," laughed Alice.

I was betting my expression was telling her that I was worried. Edward poked me in the side and I looked up to see his reassuring smile.

"Okay, folks, lets get this show on the road," started the coordinator.

I watched as she showed the guys were they would be standing and the door that they would be coming into the sanctuary from. I laughed as Edward looked uncomfortable standing next to Jasper. He looked over at me and he smiled with a glint of mischief in his eyes. He was up to something.

The coordinator was back in the hall of the church and lined us all up and we did a quick walk through of us walking into and out of the church. Then we went through the motions with the music. It wasn't horrible, but I was still in regular shoes at the moment, and tomorrow was going to be a challenge.

As soon as Alice released us from the duties for the night, we learned that we were going to a local restaurant for a rehearsal dinner. I could tell from the expression on Tanya's face that she wasn't happy that Edward was going to have to spend more time with me. Luckily, I drove myself and I didn't have to ride in a vehicle with them. Tiffany and Joanne were along for the ride so I knew that I at least I had some back up in the event that Tanya went crazy on me.

"It's nice to see that you and Edward are getting along."

I looked over at Joanne and rolled my eyes and didn't respond. I could hear Tiffany giggling from the backseat though.

"Come on, Bella. You know that you still have a little thing for him."

"No, I don't. I have Jake. I care about him and he cares about me."

Speaking of Jake, I heard my phone start to ring, his name flashing on the caller ID.

"Hey baby."

"_Hey Bells. Kat and I just arrived and we will be arriving in Forks in an hour or so. Are you going to be at the house?"_

"No, got this rehearsal dinner to go to. You have a key right?"

"_Yeah, I have the one that you gave me and Kat just told me that she has a copy too. I can't wait to see you, baby. I have missed you."_

"I miss you too. I'll see you in a bit. Bye."

I heard him hang up so I flipped my phone shut.

"Jake?" Asked Tiffany.

"Yeah, Jake and Kat will be at the house when we get there."

"I wonder what he is going to think of you and Edward being friends again."

"He knows. I told him the other night."

"And?"

"He is worried that he will hurt me again. He also told me that he would rip out Edward's heart if he tried to hurt me."

"I wonder if he would if he realized that you still have a thing for Edward…"

I slammed on the brakes and turned to look at my friend.

"I do not have a thing for Edward. I am happy with my boyfriend and I am not going to do anything to ruin it."

"Alright, Bella. I won't mention it again," Tiffany whispered before she dropped her head to look at her lap.

We arrived at the restaurant not long after everyone else did. I went inside and I sat at the far end of the table, away from Edward. He gave me a strange look when I did, but he didn't question me about why I did it. I tried to eat, but I could feel Tanya's glares of death on me, so I just forgot trying to eat. I talked to Alice about getting our hair done tomorrow and lots of other things, but I couldn't get Tiffany's comments about Edward out of my head. Just being here in Forks around him has changed me yet again. It was like all the things that I wanted to push away from me were coming back with full force. All the feelings that I had, were starting to creep back into my mind, and Edward was even starting to become the star of my dreams again.

This place… it was turning me back into that girl. I didn't want to do that though. I was Bella Swan… soon to be author and published writer. I had to stay strong. I wasn't going to let this place turn me back into that weak girl. I could do that. I would be strong and keep Edward from consuming my life again.

I said good night to my friends and Tiffany and Joanne followed me to the Jeep and we headed back to the house for the night. I just wanted to sleep. I needed the rest. When we got there we saw another rental car so I knew that Jake and Kat had made it in, and I was glad. I needed Jake. I needed him to be near me to keep me from acting on these foolish emotions that I was feeling.

The lights were off, and I could see Kat was crashed out on the couch and I said good night to my friends as they headed into the extra bedroom. As I went into my room, I saw Jake sprawled out on the bed, so I pulled off my clothes and pulled on a pair of shorts and tank before crawling onto the bed with Jake.

He moved over a little and I felt his arm slip around me. I normally would have liked the feeling, but it felt strange.

"Hey you," he whispered.

"Hey."

"I missed you."

"Missed you too."

Sighing, I heard him settling to go to sleep. Me… I couldn't sleep. Even with me being so tired, sleep was avoiding me. Every time I close my eyes all I could see was a pair of emerald eyes staring back at me. I thought about everything… how much I cared about both men, and I realized that even after all this time, I still cared about Edward. I cared about Jake though. It was just way too complicated.

I looked over to my night stand to see my prom picture and I smiled. It was like my mind was going back in time to that night, the night that everything was simple and not so complicated. A time that I still had hope that maybe Edward would love me and one day we would be together, not now. Not a time that had him engaged to another woman and me with another man.

Slipping into my slumber, I could see Edward and Jake standing in front of a church, me in a beautiful dress. Both men were in silken tuxedos looking at me like they were waiting for me to make a choice… a choice of who I should be with. That was crazy though. Edward didn't feel that way about me. I would be marrying Jacob someday though. I knew he thought that much of me and he wanted me that way. So why did I still feel like this wasn't a dream, but something that was going to come one day?


	29. 28: The Dance That Changed It All

Hello Everyone,

Here is the latest installment of _Written In The Stars_. This is the moment that many have been waiting for. So I hope it lives up to the expectations of everyone. This was a challenging chapter to write since it has so many things going on in it.

I would like to apologize to my reviewers. I have been so busy that I never had a chance to reply to you. Between work, having to take a trip to the ER (it wasn't nothing too serious), and my life in general I wasn't able get back to you. So I will give you all my love now and tell you that you will have replies from me for this chapter. It's too important not too. So please continue to review. I love to read them, and they keep me going.

The Normal Stuff: The Twilight series and its characters are the property of Ms. Stephenie Meyer, and check out my faves and support the stories and their authors.

Also, come over to twilighted (dot) net and join the forum. I ramble about my life and things, and you never know, I might post teasers for the upcoming chapter. It's just a really fun place and you might find a thread for another of your fave stories.

I am going to send my love to my friends over at twilighted… halojones, amblovestoread, ECyesplease, FraA, lothlorien, pwtf, and who knows?. Thanks for being so awesome and listening to my randomness. I want to also send the love to the Three Amigas. To my Sweet Pea, I am glad you are back online with us, CARLISLE'SDARKETERNALQUEEN… thanks for being my Twilight friend at work, it helps, even though we have BJ with us now, you are still my #1. twilightgurl22, you are just too awesome.

I dedicate this chapter to my friend, Heather. You have been driving me crazy about this chapter and I hope you love it. Mostly, know that no matter what life throws at you, you are strong enough to face it, if not, I will be there with you and we will get through it together.

Now, On with the story…

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Chapter 28 The Dance That Changed It All Song: Hungry Eyes by Eric Carmen

Reasoning: Yeah, it's a _Dirty Dancing_ song, but it fits. Read and see if you see why I picked it out.

* * *

Chapter 28: The Dance That Changed It All

**The Next Day...**

The sun was shining in the window causing me to roll over away from its rays. _Stupid sunlight._ I knew there was no point in trying to go back to sleep though. When I sat up in bed I quickly realized that I wasn't in my bed. Then the reason why I wasn't in my bed came back to me… _Bella._

Throwing back the covers, I stood and stretched out. One thing I was sure of, Emmett's bed wasn't as comfortable as mine was. It was then that I heard the family running around the house. It was obvious that they were working on getting more things done for Alice's wedding. They were all talking back and forth, but there was one voice that I heard that I wasn't really ready to deal with. The fact was that I had avoided a confrontation with Tanya by hiding in Emmett's old room for the night, but I knew I have to eventually face her.

"Where is he?" She screeched.

Groaning, I opened the door a crack to see if it was all clear. As soon as I was sure the coast was clear, I made a run for it. It was childish, yes, but I wasn't ready for that confrontation yet. Tip toeing down the hall, trying to be as quiet as possible, I was quickly grabbed and drug into one of the bedrooms. When I finally saw who it was, I breathed out a sigh of relief. It was only Alice.

"So… where were you last night? Since you bailed on us last night, we got to listen to that witch scream all night about you running off all the time and never telling anyone where you are going," frowned my sister.

"Went out."

"Where?" She asked.

I wanted nothing more than to avoid this subject. I wasn't really ready to let Alice in on the fact that I had already seen Bella. My main reasons were I was unsure of how I felt about seeing her and how I should think about the whole situation in general.

"Seattle… went to a club there," trying to be brief and to the point.

"Oh, I see. Next time you decide that you need to go to Seattle to a club, tell someone. Personally I don't like dealing with your bitchy fiancé, so if you think anything of me at all… take me with you next time so I don't have to listen to her."

"I'm sorry, Ally. I won't do that to you again, promise."

"You better not. So, are you okay now?" She asked, looking at me strangely. "You seem lost in thought."

Lost, yes. Deep in thought about someone that I hadn't thought about in a while, but someone that wasn't ever completely gone from my thoughts. My thoughts were now consumed by the woman. I was still internally kicking myself in the butt for not recognizing her as soon as she came into the Casino. How could I not know it was her? Yeah, her hair might be a little different in color and she might have been wearing a very tight and sexy looking dress, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't recognize my best friend. If she still considered me to be her best friend…

"Just a lot of things on my mind, I guess. It's just a little frustrating to know that Tanya is going to be a complete bitch to Bella while she is here. Plus I want to work things out with Bella and Tanya isn't going to be too happy about that. I just miss Bella, Ally, more than you can imagine."

"I know you miss her. We all do. Probably more than you realize that we know. I guess I need to get back to work on wedding stuff," she stated. "Oh, yeah, I need to call Bella and see if she has made it in yet…"

"I'll do it," I interrupted.

"You? Edward you haven't called her in four years… plus I don't know if she would answer the phone for you," she said looking at me rather strangely, "You sure you are okay?"

"Come on, Alice, you know you are busy with other stuff besides trying to call her and I can do this one thing for you."

Sighing, she continued to look at me strangely. I couldn't help but wonder what was going on in her mind, but she wasn't one that let people all the time, but it was obvious that something was going on deep down inside that mind of hers.

"Alright, but I don't think you will get the response you want."

She spun around and left me standing in the middle of the room. After I checked, yet again, for the coast to be clear, I slipped out of the room and down stairs. As childish as I felt, I knew I hadn't gotten any more confidence in dealing with my fiancé yet, so I stepped ever so gently on the stairs as I went down.

While descending the stairs though, I couldn't help myself but to think about how people viewed Tanya and the many things that they said about her. This caused me to ask myself a series of questions. Why was I marrying her? Was it spite? Was I just being stupid?

Maybe, but mostly, I knew that I wasn't likely to find one of those good women that are out there in the world. Good women weren't meant for guys like me. Good ones didn't go after the womanizer. So what good woman in their right mind would want a man like me? The one that used to party all the time, get drunk, and screw any woman that they came across? No, they don't want a guy like that. They want a good guy that has some form of morals and will treat them with respect. So I guess its karma's way of coming back to get me. Do bad things, you get bad results in the end.

When I got to the bottom of the stairs though, I could hear Tanya in the kitchen with my parents. It was do or die time, do I deal with her now or later? The fact was that I knew I was in store for a knock down drag out, so I decided that it was just better to avoid it, at least for the time being. It wasn't something that I could avoid forever, but for now I would. Mostly, because I needed to figure out how I needed to deal with Bella first before I could think of a way to handle Tanya.

Sneaking out the front door, I ducked in front of the windows and headed toward the garage. As I walked I couldn't help but wonder what I should say to Bella, especially since this was going to be the first time I had spoken to her in four years. Would she just hang up on me? I knew I deserved that, but I hoped that she would at least give me a chance. The chance to make things right. Honestly, I don't know what got into me to volunteer to call her in the first place. I was crazy… completely insane.

Looking to the sky I noticed it was cloudy, but it obvious that it wasn't going to storm though. It was more like it was an omen of what was in store for me. The air was cold, and it was likely going to snow sometime in the future though. Alice wouldn't mind though since she was hoping for some snow to go along with her wedding theme.

I stood outside the garage and pulled my phone from my pocket. Flipping it open and hit my speed dial and Bella's name appeared on the screen. I was about to push the button to call out when I chickened out and just snapped my phone shut.

So I headed to the back of the garage and went to the piano and sat down. My hands hovering above the keys, I would only push down on individual keys, just listening to the tone that was produced. I would pick one key to move to another, then another. Frowning, I dropped my hands to my lap. My mind wouldn't relax. I couldn't get the thought of calling Bella out of my mind. It was something that I wanted to do, something that I wanted to do for so long, but at the same time I didn't want to hear her anger when I did. That was my greatest fear of calling her, her anger and possible hatred of me.

Looking down at my watch I realized it was well into the afternoon, and that I had hid out almost all day. After pulling my phone out of my pocket, I realized that I couldn't put it off any longer, I had to call Bella. Since my phone didn't have any signal in the garage, I stepped outside to make the call. The air was cold against my skin causing me to shiver some. I flipped the phone open yet again, and pushed the number on my speed dial, this time I pushed the button to call out.

Putting the phone to my ear I heard Bella's ring back, 'I Love A Rainy Night' by Eddie Rabbitt. Typical Bella. As I listened to the music, I started to worry and to ask myself what I had gotten myself into when I heard the most beautiful voice ever.

"_Hello."_

I was in utter shock to hear her voice. It was so familiar but so different. I wasn't really sure what to say, so I just said the first thing that came to my mind.

"I never thought you would answer me," I said, kicking myself internally as soon as the words left my mouth.

The line was silent. The silence was deafening and it worried me when I didn't hear her sweet voice again. Did she hang up on me?

"_Edward?"_

Her voice was full of confusion. No… wonder. I hadn't called her in years, she must be surprised that I actually called.

"I guess you haven't forgotten me completely then," I answered with a little bit of a laugh.

She went silent again. This time I was almost sure that she had really hung up on me. I wouldn't blame her either, I completely deserved it.

"_What do you want, Edward?"_

It was obvious from the tone of her voice that she wasn't particularly happy to be talking to me. However, she was still talking to me. There had to be something to say for that.

"Alice was wondering if you were here yet."

"_Why didn't SHE call then?"_

"I told her I would. Are you here yet?"

"_I think you probably know the answer to that,"_ she snapped back.

Hearing her speak to me this way wasn't something I was used to. I was used to the kind Bella, the one that never wanted to hurt anyone. I made her become this person, I made her this angry with me. I am an idiot. How could I hurt the one person that probably means more to me than…?

"Bella…" I started.

I didn't know what to say. How do you tell someone like Bella that you are sorry for being a complete fool and that you want them to forgive you?

"_I got to go. Good bye, Edward."_

The line went silent then. I pulled the phone away from my ear and stared down at it. What I did next even shocked me. I threw my phone against the wall of the garage and it shattered across the ground.

Damn it! Now I had to get a new phone. Growling at myself, I picked up the pieces and kicked myself for my inability to control my temper. Normally it was only Tanya that caused me to do stuff like this, so why were Bella's actions upsetting me so much?

After I tossed the remains of my phone on my work bench, I threw myself on Bella's couch and put my hands over my face. I was angry, but not at Bella, I was angry with me. I really thought this was going to be easy. My friendship with Bella had always been so simple and now… it was nothing close to simple. Then the thought that Bella wouldn't forgive me crossed my mind.

No… that couldn't happen. I wouldn't let all these years and my stupidity end everything. Bella meant too much to me, and I didn't care if it made Tanya angry or it gave my family the wrong idea about my feelings for Bella… I just knew that I had to have her in my life. I can't make it through the challenges of life without her. I had lived without her for four years, and it was time for it to stop and I had ever intention of making it right.

**A Week Later…**

Standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, I examined the shirt that I had on. The fact was I never wore dress clothes, so it made me feel a little silly, but Alice had picked this out for me to wear since it was her engagement party. She picked out a simple silver long-sleeve button up shirt and a pair of black pants. She said it would highlight my features. I really didn't know what that meant, but I put on the clothes and hoped I didn't look like a complete fool.

"You look nice."

I turned around to see Rosalie standing in the doorway.

"You know that Emmett is going to think it's weird that you are watching his little brother change clothes," I chuckled as I smoothed out my pants.

"Oh, shut up. Next time I will say you look like a monkey in that get up if you don't like compliments."

"Sorry, Rose."

She walked into the room and stood beside me. She looked in the mirror and fixed her hair, though I didn't know why since it looked absolutely perfect.

"So, what's bugging you?" She asked.

"Worried I guess."

"Let me guess, Bella?"

"How did you know?" I asked back.

"It's always Bella with you, Edward. It doesn't matter that she has been gone for four years, she lives I don't know how many states away, but she still has this ability to rule your universe," she giggled.

"Stop it."

"Sorry. I know how opposed you are to hearing the truth so I will just lie to your face now. You love Tanya so much," she replied sarcastically.

"I do…"

"That is a crock and you know it," she snapped back.

I cared about Tanya. Yeah, she may be a bitch and cold and even ruthless when she didn't get her way, but that is to be expected. Tanya was exactly the type of woman that a guy like me deserved. I would just have to come to terms with that fact.

"It doesn't matter, Rose. Guess you can say that I got what I deserve."

"Deserve? Edward, are you crazy?! You are a great guy. You may have done a lot of really stupid things in the past but you do deserve to be happy."

"I'm marrying her, Rosalie, and that's final. I can't go back on my word now."

She looked back to me, her sadness was very clear. I knew she thought I deserved more, but I knew better than that.

"Then it's your fault when you wake up a few years from now and find out that you are completely miserable. You have the chance to make your life exactly what you want it to be, but you won't. I don't know about you, Edward. I can't see why you don't think you are worthy of having happiness in your life."

Rose spun around and stormed from the room, leaving me to think about everything. When I was finished getting ready, I slipped down the stairs and outside before anyone could see me. I had this feeling that Tanya would want to latch onto me, so I figured I would hide out outside away from all the guests especially since I didn't want to be too involved in this party in the first place.

The air was cold, so I reached back in the house and grabbed my leather jacket. After pulling it on, I stepped out onto the back porch, and then down into the yard, just out of view of the backdoor. I turned my attention to the sky and watched the stars sparkling above me. My mind drifted off to wonder if Bella still did this. Did she still looked up at the sky to examine how vast and magnificent it was?

It was when I heard the backdoor slam and a frustrated yell from behind me that I turned to see her standing behind me. She was absolutely stunning, but there was more to it. Seeing Bella upset made me feel upset as well. What happened to her to make her so angry? So I did the first thing that crossed my mind…

"What's wrong Jingle Bells?"

She spun around I became lost in her chocolate orbs. They were full of confusion and anger but they were still so very soft and caring. I had the urge to reach out and comfort her, but what she did next shocked me.

"Where you going to tell me that you were there or were you going to make me look like a fool like you did at the club?"

It was clear that she didn't realize that she had changed so much since the last time I saw her. In ways she was exactly same, but from a distance and by her actions… she didn't look like Bella Swan. Just looking at her now, I could tell she wasn't the girl that wore hoodies and jeans back in high school, but a sexy and completely desirable woman.

"I didn't know it was you in the club until the DJ mentioned your name and I looked at you really close."

"That's bull you and you know it," she stated.

Her eyes instantly changed and became very cold. Not cold like Tanya's but cold nonetheless. I had never seen Bella look coldly at anyone, but now… this look of coldness was reserved just for me.

"Bella, you don't look the same… like now. You were the girl that didn't wear a dress unless she had to and now it's like you were them so freely."

Her expression told me she thought I was lying about everything. That hurt. It hurt more than she could ever realize. To have Bella think that I wasn't being honest with her, wasn't something I wasn't used to. I never lied to her… I may have forgotten to tell her things, but I have never lied to her.

"That kind of stuff happens when we grow up, Edward. I'm not the same girl that I was then," she said rolling her eyes.

"I know. You don't know how much I know."

"What are you talking about?" She asked, apparently confused about what I said.

"Bella, I have made mistakes in my life and I wish that I could take them back and do them again. Like the whole situation with Tanya, I wish I would have told you about her before the night that I dropped her on the whole family."

After I said that, I realized that the word mistake didn't cover what I had done in my life. Actually, the word mistake was an understatement. I was an idiot. I let myself become consumed by sex and partying. I let my life become devoted to what I was doing with Tanya and because of it I lost the person that probably cared about me more than even some of my own family.

"Doesn't matter, its done and over with," she whispered, as she stepped out away from me some.

Her actions told me that she didn't want me to push the subject, but I had to. If I wanted to fix our friendship I would have to push the issue to get her to talk to me. The strangest thing was the fact that I craved to hear her voice. Just her voice. It was something about her voice that made me feel good on the inside.

"It does matter. Bella, that moment cost me your friendship. Something that was very important to me. You don't know how badly I have felt about that."

"Edward, it isn't time for what ifs. The fact is what is done is done. We can't play these games that say how we would do things differently if we had the chance. There is no point. A person only has to come to terms with what they did and move on from it."

She was right about that, but she was wrong about it as well. Yes, what happened in the past was done and over with, but we could always try to do something to make what was done in the past a distant memory and move forward together as friends.

"It doesn't mean that I am not sorry though, Bella."

She stood completely still. I knew she was thinking, and I wished in that moment that I could her thoughts. To know what she was thinking and to know what I had to do to fix this. She turned back to me, her eyes alight with fury.

"Sorry for what? Sorry that you seemed to forget to tell your best friend that you had a girlfriend… sorry that you made me so angry that I couldn't say goodbye to the people that were like my family… sorry that you pushed me to the point that I couldn't even tell you that I was going away to college… WHAT are you sorry for, Edward??"

I had never heard Bella like this. I had no idea how badly I had hurt her and it was clear that I had hurt her beyond anything that I could have ever imagined. Knowing this hurt my soul, making my heart ache with sadness. Some friend I was…

"Bella, I am sorry that I didn't tell you about Tanya. I'm sorry that I hurt you so much that you ran away from Forks, leaving all of us behind, but mostly Bella, I am sorry that was a coward that I didn't try to fix this before now. You are my best friend, the person that could figure me out without even trying, and I miss you. I have missed you so much, and I haven't been the same without you here. So, I am begging for your forgiveness because I can't live without your friendship or you being in my life in some way."

While I spoke, her eyes went wide. I knew she was taking in all the words that I had just told her and I hoped beyond anything that she would forgive me. To forgive me for my massive amount of stupidity and my inability to see how badly I had treated my best friend.

Then I started to ask myself what I would do if she didn't forgive me. How could I live without her? I had survived without her, but I couldn't keep going without her in my life. I was terrified of what her response would be.

"Edward… it can't be exactly the same as before. Too many things have happened to us since I left. You are engaged, I have a boyfriend that loves me…"

Was she forgiving me? How? I was utterly speechless to what she had said to me. I had done so many things wrong with her and she was apparently was going to give me a second chance to fix this. The only thing was that I would have to come to deal with her boyfriend… Jacob Black. That part didn't matter now though… the only thing that did matter was the fact that she was going to give me a chance.

"Bella, I am not asking for exactly what we had before then, but the chance to prove to you that I am sorry and the opportunity for us to try to be friends again."

"We can try… but I am not making any promises. I just have one request."

A request? I would do anything for her. All she would have to do is ask.

"Anything, Bells…"

"Keep your damn fiancé in check."

"What did she do to you?" I asked.

"She jumped me in the house earlier, and I don't appreciate it. Next time I will send her scrawny rear flying. Understand?"

I couldn't help but internally growl about Tanya's actions. She had no right to do that stuff to Bella and she was going to have to learn her place and that was to keep her mouth shut when it came to Bella. There was no reason for Tanya to act like that toward her. Bella had never done anything to her.

"Don't worry about Tanya. I'll deal with her," I said with a smile.

Time flew by and I wasn't really sure how long we stood out there, the cool wind blowing against us. I couldn't help but look up to the heavens again to see the stars shining above us. She was very quiet, but I had never felt so close to her. Our lives had come full circle and she was back in Forks with me and I couldn't be happier. I glanced over to her for a moment, and then reached for her to pull her to my side. She then leaned into me and I couldn't help but smile.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"For what?" She asked.

"For making my world right again."

She broke out into laughter and it led us talk about all the things we had been doing in the last four years. It was like old times and I welcomed the chance to be like this with her again. It was nice having my friend back with me, even if it was only for a little while.

When I noticed Bella's friends, I knew that she was going to have to leave me again, but at least it wasn't going to be as long before I saw her again. We were on the right track to restoring our friendship and because of that I was incredibly happy.

I walked with her to her rental car and I told her good night. When I turned to the house, I saw Tanya glaring from inside the house. My family continued to stand outside and talk, but I left them and headed to the house. Slamming the door behind me, I came face to face with Tanya.

"What the hell did you say to Bella, Tanya?"

"What do you think I said to her, Edward?" She replied with an attitude.

"I have no idea, but whatever you said has started something you don't want finished."

"She wants you. Are you fucking blind? It doesn't matter how much she says she doesn't or the fact that she has that old man, she wants you."

"It shouldn't matter Tanya. I am YOUR fiancée and here you are causing a scene with someone that hasn't done one damn thing to you. Just know that if it came down to it, I will choose her. She's been my friend forever and I am not going to loose her again. Do you understand?!" I yelled.

"You would pick her?! Damn you, Edward. You are a fucking fool," she screamed as she stormed from the house.

A fool? Yeah, but not for the reasons that she thought I was though. I threw myself down on the couch and stared up at the ceiling for a while, trying to clear my thoughts. Why didn't Tanya's words upset me? They should. She is my fiancée and I don't give a damn what she thinks or feels anymore. Maybe there is something wrong with this picture.

**The Wedding Day…**

When I woke up, I rolled over to see Tanya wasn't in bed. To be completely honest, I was overjoyed. Crawling from the bed, I slipped into the shower and let the hot water run down my body and it quickly woke me up enough that I could start getting myself together so I could pick up Jasper from his house.

I couldn't help but wonder what was going on with Bella though. We had moved on through so much and we even had a great conversation at the church during the rehearsal, but when we went to the restaurant for the rehearsal dinner, she was very quiet. I knew it made Tanya happy, but it still gave me a weird feeling. It was like we were going backwards instead forward with our friendship.

Pulling on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, I grabbed my tux and raced down the stairs. I could hear Alice and my mother talking in the kitchen so I headed that direction before heading for my car. Both of them turned to look at me as soon as I entered the room.

"I'm out of here, I guess I will see you at the church."

"Edward, you aren't going to be able to see Bella before the wedding," replied my sister.

"Uh, why?" I asked a little confused.

"Because I want to have good luck so I decided that the groom and the groomsmen can't see any of the bridesmaids before the wedding."

"Isn't it just bad luck for the groom to see the bride?" I asked jokingly.

"Humor me, please," she pleaded.

"Alright, Ally. Anything for you. Love ya, and I will see you then."

"Love you too, Edward."

I put my tux in the backseat of my car and started the engine. I quickly pulled a CD out, pushed it into the player, and turned it up and the music flooded the car. Backing out of the drive I began to do my mental checklist of things that I had to have for the wedding. I had my tux, shoes, and the rings. I was good to go.

When I pulled up in front of Hale house, I could see Jasper's parents walking in the living room. Knocking on the door, I waited until Mrs. Hale opened the door for me.

"Hello, Edward. He's upstairs."

I climbed the stairs, skipping stairs along the way, and I pushed the door open to see Jasper looking disheveled going through drawers searching for something.

"What are we looking for?" I asked.

"The rings," he exclaimed.

"Jasper, you gave them to me last night. I have them down in the car."

He turned to look at me and I could tell he hadn't slept much the night before either.

"Nervous?"

"Just a little," he said with sarcasm.

"Jasper, it is going to be fine. This wedding is planned out perfectly, I know you are nervous, but nothing is going to go wrong."

"I hope. I have been waiting for this moment my entire life. Now its here and I just don't know what to think."

Watching my friend acting so nervous about his wedding day was something. I couldn't help but think I wouldn't be the least bit nervous marrying Tanya. It would just be the legal stuff. Honestly, I wanted nothing more than to go to the courthouse and get a license and just forget the wedding. I didn't want or need an actual wedding, but I knew Tanya would throw an absolute fit if she didn't get one. So that meant that I was probably doomed to go through one eventually.

"I love Alice, you know that…" started Jasper.

"Jasper, you have been in love with my little sister since you laid eyes when we were kids. I just have two things to say. For starters take care of her and second, if you ever hurt her or make her cry, I will have to kill you. Alright?"

He laughed and he reached out and hugged me. I quickly helped him gather up everything that he needed for the wedding, and after saying good bye to his parents, we were loaded up and on our way to the church. As I drove I couldn't help but think about Bella eventually getting married. I knew for a fact that Jacob Black was going to ask her eventually, it was only a matter of time before he did. I wasn't really sure how I would feel when that came though. On some level the thought of Jake marrying Bella made my stomach turn.

After we parked at the church and headed inside, the wedding coordinator led us to an old office so that we could finish getting ready for the ceremony. Emmett and Jasper's cousin showed up not long after we did and within an hour we were all ready. We spent most of our time trying to keep Jasper from stressing himself out though. He must love my sister to be this nervous. It was then that I felt my new phone vibrate from my pocket. Pulling it out, I flipped it open.

"Hello."

"_Is Jasper as nervous as Alice is?"_

"Yep." I laughed.

"_I figured that. You guys ready?"_

"Yeah, Bells. Ready to get this show on the road. Alice won't let any of us see the bridesmaids until they come in for the wedding… crazy huh?"

"_You aren't missing much, Edward. Rose and Kat look stunning and Alice looks absolutely gorgeous."_

"How do you look?" I asked.

"_Like a fool."_

"I doubt that Bella."

"_You'll see for yourself in about twenty minutes."_

"You are beautiful, Bella, don't you ever forget it."

"_Thanks, Edward, but you don't have to say that…"_

I then heard a crash in the background.

"_I got to go, see you in a few."_

The line went dead, and I couldn't help but laugh and shake my head as I shut my phone.

"Is Alice alright?"

I turned to see a very worried groom, and I smiled back at him.

"Everything is good to go, Jasper. Here in a few minutes you are going to have a new wife."

There was a knock at the door and it was the wedding coordinator.

"Gentleman, it is time to head down to the hall outside of the sanctuary. The wedding will be starting soon."

She led us down the hall and stopped just outside the door to the sanctuary. I watched as Emmett and Jasper's cousin, Christian, were joking and laughing while Jasper, on the other hand, appeared to be concentrating on keeping himself calm. Looking up at the clock on the wall, I knew the time had come… the wedding was getting ready to start.

The coordinator opened the door to the sanctuary and I followed Jasper in, and was followed closely behind by my brother, and Christian. We reached our spots and the music began to ring throughout the church. I looked toward the double doors of the church to see the ushers pulling them open and before my eyes stood Kat. She was beautiful and she walked with such grace as she came toward the front. She was followed by Rosalie. I quickly noticed her winking at Emmett as she came forward. I turned my attention to the floor since I didn't want to watch my brother and sister-in-law flirting.

The next thing I knew was Emmett was elbowing me in the ribs.

"Look at that," he whispered.

My eyes rose and I felt as if I was going to tumble to the floor. Before my eyes was an angel. She walked slowly toward me, and it was as if I was alone in that room for a moment. There was no one there but me, and the goddess walking toward me, but in this vision she wasn't wearing a form fitting baby blue dress, but a flowing wedding gown… walking to meet me at the alter.

Her long brunette hair flowed down her back in perfect waves, and her chocolate orbs sparkled as she walked toward me, her lips curled up into a seductive smile. It was hard to believe that she didn't know how beautiful she truly was. One thing I was sure of, Bella was going to be a beautiful bride one day.

When she finally stepped into her place, the double doors were closed for a moment. I turned to look at Bella and she turned a deep crimson and smiled back to me. I couldn't help but realize how perfect she was. _Stop it. That is Bella you are thinking about that way…_

The pastor stepped forward.

"All rise…"

The wedding march began to play and the double doors opened again. Just beyond the doorway stood my sister, looking absolutely gorgeous waiting to start her trip up the aisle. As she walked up the aisle with our father at her side, she met my eyes. She looked at me and then to Bella. I knew what she wanted to say without her even speaking a word. It was her way of saying, that maybe I should reevaluate things with Tanya. My sister was never going to give up hope about Bella and me. She truly thought we were destined to be together.

Alice finally reached the front of the church, was given away by our father, and lead before the pastor by my other best friend. I listened to the ceremony but the whole time, I had a silent conversation with Bella. Mostly it consisted of our feelings about the wedding. She was happy for Alice, and I wanted nothing more than this kind of happiness for her when the time finally came.

Looking out into the room of guests, I saw Jacob Black, his eyes never leaving Bella, but for a brief moment he turned his look to me, his eyes cold as ice. I knew from what Bella told me that he wasn't really sure if it was a good idea for us to be friends again, but he would respect Bella's wishes. Mostly he just wanted to appease her. Then my eyes went to Tanya who was watching Bella closely and then suddenly looked back to me The best way to describe her expression was… well, it was the eat crap look.

I then turned my attention back to the ceremony when the pastor asked for the ring. I looked down at the ring and I watched as my best friend promised to love my sister always and then Bella gave Jasper's ring to Alice and she too vowed to love Jasper always.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to present to you for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Jasper Hale."

The church burst into applause and Bella handed Alice her bouquet. Alice then took her new husband's arm and he led her from the sanctuary. I then turned my attention to Bella who stepped toward me, and I extended my arm to her. As soon as her arm locked in mine, we began to walk. The feelings that were radiating from my body were she touched me was electric.

When everyone exited the sanctuary, the wedding party lined up to greet the guests. Tanya leaned in and kissed me quickly and then glared at Bella before walking away. My parents were sentimental as ever, going on about the fact that it would soon be my turn to get married, though I knew they were wishing for any woman besides Tanya. Then, I came face to face with Bella's boyfriend.

"Hello, Edward."

"Jacob, it's nice to meet you."

"Likewise. Bella has told me a lot about you," his eyes dark with anger.

He kissed Bella on the cheek and quickly went down the line to speak to the others in the wedding party. When I saw his lips brush against Bella's fair skin, I felt like hitting him. Like he was touching something he shouldn't, but that was crazy. He was Bella's boyfriend. It would be expected that he would kiss her. Why was it driving me crazy to see him do that?

Finally after everyone had exited the church, we waited till the happy couple came out and we tossed fake snow over them as they headed to the waiting limousine. I was about to turn to Bella when I saw Jacob leading her over to his rental car to go to the reception. My stare must have been cold because the reaction from Emmett.

"Looks like the green eye monster is coming out there, Eddie."

"Shut up."

Heading to my car, I noticed that Tanya was following me.

"I thought you drove."

"I rode with your parents and I told them I would be riding to the reception with you."

"Fine."

I slammed the car door and quickly started the engine. Turning up the radio in hopes that it would keep my witch of a fiancé from talking to me, however, I wasn't so lucky. Not long after we pulled out of the parking lot, she turned down the radio.

"What the hell is your problem?" She asked.

"None of your damn business."

"Its that bitch, isn't it?"

I slammed on my breaks and pulled into a parking lot for a moment.

"Don't you ever call her that…"

"See, you can't help but defend her. She doesn't need your protection, Edward. She has Jacob for that," she replied glaring back at me.

"Shut up. I don't want to hear you."

I pulled back out onto the road, and I could see Tanya puffing up in anger, but I really didn't care. She was actually starting to push my last nerves. It was this kind of shit that made me really think about breaking my engagement with her.

When I finally pulled up in front of the reception hall, I could see Jacob's car not far down from where I was parking. Locking the doors, I walked toward the doors, leaving Tanya walking behind me.

When I got inside, it was like I was walking into a winter wonderland. The walls were draped in blue and white, the tables covered in white along with crystal candleholders that created the affect of ice. I was greeted by my parents and Emmett and Rosalie, but the whole time I was looking for Bella. I had to find her. My eyes finally found her sitting at the head table talking with Kat about something. I finally excused myself from talking with the family and walked toward the table.

As I walked toward her, I noticed that Bella chewed on her lower lip a lot, especially when she was the close to the center of attention. I smiled, thinking it was cute. I was about to speak to her when the DJ called our attention to the bride and groom coming in.

So, my opportunity to talk to Bella had slipped away and I would have to wait and try again later. I followed the rest of the bridal party over to the head table and took my seat next to Jasper. Within a few minutes dinner was placed on the tables and we began to eat. It was annoying since the groomsmen were on one end of the table and bridesmaids were on the other, so that prevented me from trying to talk to Bella yet again. Looking out to the other guests at the other tables, I noticed that Tanya and Jacob were sitting together at one of the tables. I couldn't help but think that wasn't a good thing.

Finally, the dinner plates were taken and they cut the cake. Next, I had to give a speech and was followed by Bella. She said a lot of beautiful things, unlike mine which was corny and generic. I guess she just had a way with words. Then the DJ announced that it was time for Jasper and Alice's first dance. I watched as my new brother and sister took the floor and wrapped their arms around each other. They swayed with the music, and I couldn't help but get a little sentimental. Normally I didn't get that way, but since it was my baby sister I was watching out there, it was a completely different story.

Following their first dance, the DJ announced that it was time for the bridal party to join the new couple for a dance. I stood and walked down the table toward Bella, and I couldn't take my eyes off her. She watched me as I came toward her and I could see something in her eyes, but it wasn't something I was familiar with though. I extended my hand to her.

"May I have this dance?" I asked formally.

She looked up with a smile when she took my hand and I led her out to the dance floor. I slowly wrapped my arms around her while she wrapped her arms around me. One of her arms slipped around my back and the other brushed against my neck as she settled her hand on my shoulder. The feeling that radiated from the spots that her hands touched was so powerful, so indescribable. It was almost like her touch was setting my skin afire.

When she finally leaned herself into my body, I felt her heartbeat against me. I don't know what came over me, but feeling of her heart against me, caused my own heart to accelerate. I couldn't help but looked down at the beautiful woman in my arms and think it was strange how I was reacting to her. No woman had ever made me feel this way. Moving with the music, it was like I was alone with her and that there was no place that I would rather be. I was completely at peace with the world.

Sadly, the song came to an end and she looked up to meet my gaze. Her eyes were soft and gentle, looking deeply in my eyes for something. What I wasn't sure of. I was about to say something when I was interrupted.

"May I cut in?"

I turned to see Jacob standing beside us, and she slipped from my arms and into his without a word to me. I stood there alone on the dance floor for a moment as I watched her arms wrap around him. It was in that moment that I wanted to snap his neck and take Bella back, to have her in my arms, to protect her from him. Jacob was taking something that wasn't his. Bella had always been such an important person in my life and… I just wanted Bella in my arms. I wanted to reach up and brush my fingers along her soft skin, I wanted to…

_I wanted Bella…_

I saw her smiling and laughing as Jacob twirled her around the dance floor, but the only thought I could register was that I wanted to be that guy that made her laugh… to make her smile… I wanted nothing more than to shower her with my adoration. I shook my head trying to push the feelings that were flooding my thoughts away. Trying my best to shove them out of my mind, but I couldn't.

All I could see was this woman that was beautiful both inside and out. A woman that had the gentlest heart and had so much love in her soul, a person that was kind and wouldn't hurt anyone purposefully if she could help it and had a power to make any man stop and stare when she passed by. She was beyond amazing, she was absolutely perfect.

How could this be? How could I feel this way about her? She was Bella. Bella was my best friend. The person that understood me more than anyone… how could she make me feel this way?

"Because you love her."

I turned to see Alice standing beside me. Her eyes were soft with understanding.

"How did you know what I was thinking about?" I asked.

"I know you, Edward, probably better than you know yourself at times, but not as good as the woman out there on the dance floor," she said pointing out to Bella, "Edward, now you are seeing what we have been telling you all this time. You have been in love with Bella since she came into your life, but it took you seeing another guy with her for you to truly understand."

I looked back out to Bella, and thought. I remembered the moment that she moved to Forks, her soft eyes and I knew even before we became friends that she was special. Over the years, I watched her become this amazing woman. She might be clumsy at times, she may like books too much for my liking, but she was one of the most remarkable people I knew. I watched as the guys that once called her a geek became interested in her and how badly they wanted to date her, but she wouldn't give them the time of day. Now, here she was and everything was clear.

How stupid have I been? To have this woman in my life and not realize how much of a treasure she was? As she danced, her hair swooshed around her body, lying on her fair skin, and then she looked back to me for a moment. Her chocolate eyes locked with mine for a moment and I knew. I was in love with her. I was truly in love with her.

I loved Bella Swan.

"So what are you going to do about it, Edward?"

I looked back to see Alice had been joined by Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie, all of them smiling back at me.

"What can I do? I have done too much to hurt her."

"Eddie, it's never too late," answered Emmett.

"Have we forgotten about Tanya?" I asked.

"No, unfortunately we can't forget her," muttered Rosalie.

Everyone had a good laugh, but that didn't change anything. I had hurt Bella so much. She has even moved on with her life. She has Jake in her life now, and I have Tanya, unfortunately.

"You aren't married yet, Edward, and neither is Bella," stated Jasper.

Sighing, we walked over to table and sat down. I couldn't take my eyes off Bella though. Everyone just stared at me while I tried to gather my thoughts about everything.

"She told me she loved me all those years ago, she couldn't still feel the same way about me."

"You may be surprised."

I turned to see Kat walking up from behind us to joining our group at the table.

"Huh?"

"Edward, she still loves you. I think at times it makes her angry that she loves you as much as she does. I will also tell you something that she would kill me if she found out that I told you. When Charlie died, she didn't want anyone but you there with her. She would lie in her bed and just cry for you. She loves you, Edward, believe that."

I looked again at her dancing with Jacob. How could she love me? I wasn't the guy for a woman like her. Women like her didn't fall for the 'bad boys.' They fell for guys like Jacob Black.

"Edward, you are going to have to fight for her if you love her as much as I think you do," my sister said, her eyes turning out to look on the dance floor.

"I don't know what I want to do yet, Ally."

"You don't know what to do?!" Exclaimed Rosalie. "You are going to dump that bitch of a fiancé and you are going to go after her."

"It's not that simple, Rose."

"Why not? You don't love Tanya, we've known that since you brought her around. You love Bella, so get rid of the bitch and fight for Bella. It's that simple"

"Rosalie, he could only wish for it to be that simple," replied Alice.

I could hear them arguing back and forth about the whole situation, but all the only thing I could concentrate on was Bella dancing. Sighing, I reached into my pockets of my pants and pulled out my car keys, stood and headed toward the door. I couldn't sit around and watch Bella with him, mostly I needed to think. I needed to figure out what I was going to do with all these new feelings.

"Edward, where you going?"

I turned around to see my angel behind me calling my name. Jacob was following closely behind her.

"I'm not feeling that great. I think I am going to go ahead and head home."

She walked toward me and wrapped her small frame around me and I slipped my arm around her.

"Okay. Be careful, Edward. I'll be by tomorrow to say bye."

Bye? She was leaving. Going back to her life that didn't include me and knowing this caused an ache in my heart. This woman had me wrapped around her finger and she didn't even know it. I had my share of women in my life, but Bella was so different, and maybe that is what intrigued me so much.

"Alright, Bells. See you tomorrow then."

I pulled her tight to me for a second and then released her before I had the urge to kiss her. I turned back to her for a moment to see her still looking at me, but Jacob touched her hand and led her back into the crowd.

Walking… no running to my car, I slammed the door behind me as soon as I was inside. Leaning down, I placed my head on the steering wheel and just stayed there for a moment. I could imagine Jake and Bella together at this very moment. The idea of Jake touching her, dancing with her in his arms, kissing her… Then the thought of him making love to her crossed my mind and that was more than I could handle.

The idea of that man being with Bella like that made me sick. They had been together so long it would be crazy to think that they haven't had sex sometime in there, but the idea of her giving that part of herself to him wasn't something I wanted to deal with. He didn't deserve that part of her.

Slamming the key into the ignition, it roared to life with the turn of the key. I threw the car in reverse and squealed the tires as I sped from the parking lot. I didn't turn to look back, because there was no point. It wasn't like I could go back and declare my love for the woman. She didn't deserve that. She deserved the good guy. The guy that could give her the world and I wasn't that guy. I was a mechanic. What woman in her right mind would want a guy like me? A womanizing, man-whore of a mechanic. Bella deserved more than I could ever give her.

It took me less than five minutes to get home. I pulled over into the grass beside the garage, out of the view of the house, to keep my family from knowing I was home. Slipping into the garage, I walked through it, the lights off, to the back. When I got to the back room, I turned on the lights and headed to the piano.

Opening the keyboard, I put my hands on the keys, my hands began to fly. It wasn't a song that I knew but all the emotions that I was feeling at the moment. It started out with all the anger I felt toward Jacob Black. His presence in her life push enraged me. The dark tones of the piano echoed through the room, but in time the tones changed into something completely different. It slowly turned into an expression of the love I had hidden from myself for my angel. It was almost like a story. It told of a fool who had an amazing woman in his life and how he was blind to her greatness.

The notes rang throughout the room. I could see the moment that Bella came into my life in my mind, and with each flash from my memory I saw her turning into the woman that I saw tonight. When I reached the memory of her declaring her love for me, the echoes of her words hurt, and how I reacted to her hurt me even more. Had I known now, what I didn't know then, things would likely be different. It would be likely that I would be coming home to her, crawling into bed with her and pulling her close, letting her head rest against my chest, but that wasn't what was happening. I wasn't living that dream, I was stuck in this nightmare without her.

So, I just played. I played a song that basically declared my undying love for this woman. Bella had always had my heart, even though I didn't know it at the time. I mostly thought about how stupid I was for not seeing it. When the song came to a close, I slammed the cover down over the keys. I placed my hands over my face, and eventually pushed my fingers through my hair.

Sitting there I knew all was lost. I had condemned myself to a fate worse than hell. I was doomed to be stuck with a heartless bitch that only cares about herself. I knew my family was angry with me for not seeing how much I loved Bella. To top it all off, the woman of my dreams was with another man and he was going to likely propose to her at any time.

After sitting out there alone for hours, I decided to go up to the house. As soon as I got to my room, I started pulling off my clothes, throwing them across the room. Crawling into bed I felt alone. Not in the traditional way, but alone in a way that caused your soul ache. I knew Tanya was likely to come in screaming about me leaving her at the reception, but I didn't care. Nothing mattered. There was only one thing that did matter… Bella.

I wasn't sure how long it was when I heard my parents and Tanya come in. Tanya opened the door and looked as if she was going to start to yell, but I didn't move. I just pretended to be sleeping. My acting must have been good because she pulled off her clothes and then put on a tank and shorts and finally slipped into the bed beside me causing me to shutter in disgust.

Then, my mind started to slip away into thoughts of the angel. I could see her sitting at the computer working on something and… then a dark room lit with candle light and the angel walking toward me.


	30. Chapter 29: A Question For My Future

Hello Everyone

I am sorry that this took a little while to get wrote, but I wanted to create a perfect moment, which you will be reading here soon.

I want to say thank you to all you lovely people that have been reading and reviewing. I haven't gotten to finish answering all my reviews for the last chapter since I have been working on the chapter, but if you haven't gotten a reply back, I will try to get one to you soon. Please continue to review. I love reading them. They really do make me smile and laugh a lot.

The Normal Ranting: The Twilight Saga and its characters is the property of Stephenie Meyer. Support the many stories and authors on my fave list. Also, if you have some time, come over to twilighted and join us on the forums. I am over there almost every night so you can give me a shout out and I sometimes give teasers for the upcoming chapters.

The normal dedications: The Three Amigas, love you guys: SB, good luck with your classes, Steph, love ya and I have your back always, and twilightgurl22, you are the best sister from another mother and another father that I could ever have. I send a shout out to my lovely ladies over at twilighted: halo, ECyesplease, FraA, Dolle, Who, pwtf, amblovestoread, and to the many other awesome ladies out there. You guys rock and make me laugh. Dolle, I think this chappie deserves another chapter of Vetward too.

On with the story…

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Chapter 29 A Question For My Future Song: Take My Breath Away by Berlin  
Reasoning: Well, that moment that I mentioned earlier, it takes the breath away from our lovely Bella.

* * *

Chapter 29: A Question For My Future

**The Wedding Day**

The sun was shining in my bedroom window and I couldn't help but groan as I tried to roll away, but as I tried to move out of the bright sunbeams, I bumped into something. Opening my eyes at little, I saw that I had rolled right into Jake. I held my breath and watched him for a minute. I praying that I hadn't woke him up. As I stared at him for a moment, I could tell his breathing was still deep and he didn't stir, so I sighed with relief. Looking over at the alarm clock, I noticed it was time for me to get ready for the day. It was going to be a long one that much I was sure of. So, I climbed from the bed, trying not to shake the bed too much, and headed toward the bathroom.

While grabbing a wash cloth from the closet, I started to wash my face. Listening I could heard my friends downstairs. They were complete opposites of me, they liked the morning. Me, I hated it. I couldn't ever get enough sleep. They could just bounce out of bed and be ready to go in about thirty minutes and look absolutely perfect. I, on the other hand, would look like walking death.

Today wasn't a day that I could waste time though. Alice and Rose were going to be here soon so we could get to our hair appointments. In a normal situation, this would be the time that I would be freaking out, mostly about the hair and dress, but there was only one thing on my mind that was causing me some issues… those damn high heels. I spent part of the night before I went to bed trying to work on walking in them to no avail, so I decided one thing… those shoes were pure evil.

As soon as I finished brushing my teeth, I slipped down the hall to my bedroom. I had to find something to wear that wouldn't mess up my hair, so I was in search of a button up shirt. Alice wouldn't be happy if it ruined my hair before the wedding.

When I shut the door behind me, I noticed that Jake was now lying on his back snoring, his bare chest exposed, and the sheet hugging around his waist. I couldn't help but smile. He was a good looking man, and it honestly surprised me that someone that looked like him wanted a woman that was as plain and ordinary as I was. I guess I am just lucky that he likes ordinary.

Slipping into my closet, I pushed clothes down and it was when I saw something that I hadn't seen in years. Pulling it from the back of my closet was the shirt that Alice brought with her for me to wear when we went to get our hair done for Prom… it was Edward's. I really thought I had given it back, but it was now obvious that I hadn't and it had become hidden in the far reaches of my closet.

I couldn't help but run my hand across the material causing me remember things that I had long tried to forget. I was thinking about things that I, at one time, never wanted to think of again. These thoughts caused me to look over to my night stand and it was then that I noticed that my Prom picture was missing. As I walked over to the table, I found it lying face down on the stand. Frowning, I sat it back up and looked at this moment frozen in time.

We were happy then, me and Edward. I might have been lost in the emotions of loving him, but we were still friends. Our friendship wasn't tarnished with the things that happened over the summer following our graduation. Sighing, I looked down at the shirt in my hands, throwing it on the bed for a second while I pulled off my tank, then pulling the shirt on and buttoning it up. After pulling on the material so it wasn't too wrinkled, I pulled on a pair of my jeans, and headed downstairs.

"We never thought you were going to get downstairs," started Joanne.

"Just thinking, plus I had to find a shirt. You know Alice would freak out if I messed up my hair by pulling a shirt over my head."

"You ain't kidding," laughed Kat.

It was then that there was a knock on the door. Tiffany ran over to the door and just outside stood Rose and Alice.

"Let's get a move on. We have a lot of people to get their hair done," started Alice.

Everyone started to grab their stuff, when I noticed Alice examining me closely… she recognized the shirt.

I lagged behind some when everyone was getting into Rosalie's new SUV, with hopes of avoiding a conversation with Alice about the shirt, but I wasn't so lucky.

"I wondered what happened to that shirt…"

"Drop it, Alice."

"My brother really did look good in that shirt too."

"Shut up, Alice," I growled.

I climbed into the very back with Kat, Tiffany and Joanne sat in the middle, and Alice was up front with Rose. Rose backed the massive monstrosity out of my driveway and put the pedal to the floor. Holding on for dear life, I was quite while my friends talked about a variety of things. Mostly, I asked myself why I chose this shirt of all of the ones in my closet. That was one question that I wasn't really sure of the answer.

Our hair appointments were at nine and there were lots to do since there were six of us getting our hair done. Alice asked Tiffany and Joanne to take care of the guest book at the wedding. She wanted them to have a part in her day. So when we arrived, we found out that Alice booked the whole place for the morning so everyone would get done in a reasonable amount of time.

A sort of scary looking woman who called herself Stormy lead me over to one of the many chairs and started pulling strands of my hair up in hot sticks. She then asked Alice how to do my hair, she quickly told her what to do to my hair. She then pulled all the hot sticks out and she began to pull up pieces and pin them into place. Within an hour, my hair was draped down my back in long curls with small baby blue flowers in my hair.

By noon, everyone was finished and looked wonderful too. We then loaded up in Rose's monstrosity yet again and were headed for the church. When we arrived, I could tell that the guys hadn't made it yet, mostly because I didn't see any of their vehicles in the lot.

One thing was causing me some problems though. I was worried how I would feel seeing both Jake and Edward in the same room together. Jake made it very clear that he didn't like Edward and wasn't too happy that we had somewhat made peace with one another, but he wouldn't say too much about it, mostly because he knew how badly Edward hurt me. I wasn't sure, but I was guessing that there was more to Jake's dislike for my best friend, but it wasn't something that I really wanted to know so I never questioned him about it. I was happy. I had Jake and my best friend back, what more could I ask for?

Joanne and Tiffany changed into their dress clothes within a few minutes, leaving Kat, Rose, and myself to get Alice in her wedding dress. Mostly, Alice wanted them keeping the boys away from us. For some weird reason she has become a little paranoid about this wedding. I don't know why either, since she planned it down to the last detail. There was no way anything could go wrong.

"Something is going to happen to ruin this day for me, I just know it," she exclaimed while I was trying to finish buttoning the back of her dress.

"Everything is going to be fine, Alice."

"I don't know, Bella."

"Breathe Alice," replied Rosalie while she stood in front of the nervous bride, her hands on her arms.

After taking a deep breath, Alice appeared to be calming down some. I looked over to Kat who was putting the finishing touches on her makeup and then to Alice and Rosalie. Alice's nervousness was obvious, but it would all work out, that much I was sure.

I then pulled out my phone from my purse that was located on one of the many tables in the room. Flipping it open I dialed Edward's number, wondering how things were going with the groom. I laughed at his ring back, "Pour Some Sugar On Me."

"_Hello."_

"Is Jasper as nervous as Alice is?"

"_Yep."_

I couldn't help but laugh. I knew if Alice was about to jump out of her skin, Jasper was likely to be ten times more nervous than she was.

"_Yeah, Bells. Ready to get this show on the road. Alice won't let any of us see the bridesmaids until they come in for the wedding… crazy huh?"_

I honestly thought Alice was going to an extreme on this request, but it was nice that no one could see us till the wedding though. Mainly, it kept people from seeing me in this dress. I knew it didn't look horrible on me, but I just couldn't get over my personal uneasiness about wearing it. The dress was beautiful. It was a classic spaghetti strap dress that fit perfectly as it flowed down to the floor. It just looked weird on me in my mind.

"You aren't missing much, Edward. Kat and Rose look stunning and Alice looks absolutely gorgeous."

"_How do you look?"_

"Like a fool," I stated.

"_I doubt that, Bella."_

"You'll see for yourself in about twenty minutes."

It was then I heard a crash behind me and I spun around to see glass shattered on the floor and a horrified looking Alice.

"I got to go, see you in a few."

I quickly snapped my phone shut and ran over to Alice pushing her away from the broken glass.

"What happened?" I asked.

"My perfume… my five hundred dollar perfume…" muttered Alice.

"Everyone, stay away from it or we will all smell like that," I stated, pushing Alice farther away.

The door opened and just outside stood the coordinator.

"I have the gentlemen just outside of the sanctuary and we will be ready to begin soon."

"Good. We'll be out in a few minutes."

I looked over to my cousin and Rosalie who were starting to look a little nervous themselves. I was normally the nervous one, and here I was being the calm, cool, and collected one. I turned back to Alice who was starting to look a little green.

"Something is going to go wrong…" she started.

I grabbed her by the shoulders and locked eyes with her.

"Alice, nothing is going to go wrong. It is all going to be fine. You have outdone yourself in preparations for this wedding. You are a beautiful bride and this is supposed to be the happiest day of your life. Take a deep breath…"

Alice started to breathe deeply for a moment and then she looked back to me.

"Are you okay now?" I asked.

"Yes. I'm ready."

I smiled as I picked up her bouquet to hand to her. Kat opened the door and everyone filed out and headed toward the double doors to the sanctuary. We were met by Carlisle standing in the hallway and he hugged his daughter close and began to whisper words of encouragement to her.

"Ladies, can we line up in order and we will be starting," started the coordinator.

Everyone quickly lined up and I put my small bouquet in my hands and stood in front of Alice.

"Breathe, Bella."

I turned around to see Alice smiling at me. _Maybe I should take my own advice._

The music began to play and the ushers pulled the double doors to the sanctuary open and Kat started to saunter into the church and then was followed closely by Rosalie. It was finally my turn, so I took another deep breath and started to walk toward the doors.

As I crossed through the doorway, I noticed all eyes were on me, and I tried not to concentrate on them, but putting one foot in front of the other. As soon as I gained enough confidence in my ability to walk in the death traps, my eyes looked up and I met Edward's emerald eyes. When I looked in them, they were strangely different, but so welcoming. I felt myself smile as I continued toward the front. When I reached my spot, I turned to look at him yet again, and still his gaze was locked on me, why I would have to ask him later.

"All rise…"

All attention then turned the double doors reopening and beyond the doorway was my best friend, dressed in her silk wedding dress, on the arm of her father, coming to marry the man of her dreams. I then turned my attention to my friend who was standing just across from me. We had this conversation with our eyes. It wasn't unusual for us either. Mostly I wanted him to know how happy I was for Alice.

The ceremony was absolutely beautiful and touching. The vows were perfect and seeing them both tremble before one another was a sign of how much they truly loved one another. I continued to watch Edward throughout the exchange of vows, and I noticed his gaze drifting off onto the guests at times, but always would shift back to the ceremony.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to present to you for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Jasper Hale."

The church erupted in applause and I quickly handed Alice's bouquet back to her and watched her take the arm of her husband as they walked back down the aisle. Edward then stepped toward me extending his arm to me and when I hooked my own arm with his he led me down the aisle. I had forgotten how my body reacted to his touch, but when my arm touched his, it was like fire raced up and down my body, but I shook off the feeling. Old feelings just die hard.

The bridal party quickly lined up to greet the exiting wedding guests. I stood beside Edward and was greeted quickly by Tanya, who gave me a "drop dead" look and then was greeted by Edward's parents. They were going on and on about how it was going to soon be Edward's turn to get married and how they really wished it was anyone but Tanya. Next, was Jacob. I smiled up at him as he approached, and I caught a quick wink my direction before he addressed Edward.

"Hello, Edward."

"Jacob, it's nice to meet you."

"Likewise, Bella has told me a lot about you," grumbled Jake.

He quickly kissed me on the cheek and walked on down to speak to the rest of the wedding party. I noticed his tone with Edward. His anger toward him wasn't waning, but growing worse with time.

After everyone had been greeted and all was outside, we did the formal send off of the new couple by tossing the fake snow over their heads. Alice waved to me from the limo and they were off and I would see them at the reception.

"Bella, let's get going," whispered Jake, as he took my hand and led me toward the car.

He didn't speak the rest of the way to the car, but opened my door for me and closed it as he walked toward the driver seat. After starting the car, and pulling out of the parking lot, I began to wonder what was bothering him.

"What's wrong, honey?"

"I think you should know," he replied.

"Don't tell me this is all about Edward."

"You are too forgiving, Bella. He hurt you beyond anything I have ever seen and in a few weeks you are just fine and can talk to him and be his friend. That is a little weird."

"I think you are over reacting a little. I think most of my problem was that I was being a wee bit childish about the situation. Edward has the right to do what he wants and if it was to have Tanya in his life, I should have just been happy for him. Now is the time to be grown up about everything. He's engaged and I am with you, so there is nothing to fear… alright?"

He looked over at me and smile. I reached out to him and he dropped one of his hands off the steering wheel into mine, squeezing it tight. Within minutes we pulled in to park at the reception hall. Jake helped me from the car and led me inside before I froze.

The inside of the hall was magnificent and Alice had out done herself on the details. The once plain hall looked like an ice palace. The crystal table settings sparkled in the candlelight and the ice sculptures were amazing. Jacob quickly kissed me again before he headed to his seat with Esme and Carlisle, and I walked toward the head table, taking my seat.

I was staring out into the crowd when I noticed Kat coming over to the table and quickly sitting down beside me.

"See you didn't fall," she chuckled.

"I was really worried though, guess the fates were on my side tonight."

"So, I see that you and Edward are getting along better. Maybe it isn't hopeless for you two yet."

"Stop it, Kat. I'm with Jake, remember?"

"Yeah, yeah, you know and I know that you still haven't ever completely worked through all those feelings, Bella."

I was thankful to the DJ when he announced the arrival of the bride and groom, so that meant that it was the end of this conversation, and when I looked up I saw Edward coming toward me, but then moved over to take his seat beside Jasper. The dinner was brought out and we all began to eat. I chit chatted with Alice some, and I was happy to see her so happy.

Finally it was time for the cake to be cut and I watched as Alice's eyes sparkled as she shoved cake in Jasper's face to have him lean forward to kiss her getting icing on her as well. Then it was my turn to give a speech. It wasn't my best work but it touched on all the elements that I thought were important in a relationship… trust, honesty, commitment, and most of all, love. My speech was followed by Edward's which talked about devotion to the one that you love and that with that all things were possible.

Then it was time for Alice and Jasper's first dance. It was so beautiful, the lights when dim and the room glowed a pale blue while a white spot light shinned down on them. I couldn't help but want that when I got married. Maybe not a fancy and extravagant stuff wedding, but that look of pure love in the eyes of the man that I married, the look of pure love and devotion.

The next announcement was for the bridal party to join them on the floor. I was scared. My dancing abilities haven't improved at all and the last time I actually danced like this was at the Prom. I then watched as Edward walked down the table toward me, and he then extended his hand to me.

"May I have this dance?" He asked.

I couldn't help but smile as I stood and he led me out onto the dance floor. He was hesitant but he pulled me in and wrapped his arms around me. I slowly wrapped my own arms around him, accidently brushing the skin of his neck as I settled my hand on his shoulder. I couldn't help but notice the slight electric charge that was produced from that brief moment of contact.

Then as the music began to play, I leaned myself into him. Being this close to him, I felt my heart begin to race. It was an amazing feeling though. It was nice to be close to my friend again. I could feel him shifting a little, but I never looked up to see what he was doing, I just wanted to enjoy this moment. It was like there wasn't anyone out there in the world, it was just us out there on the dance floor, and I would be more than happy with that.

I heard the song drawing to and end, and then I looked up to meet his eyes. They were warm and looking deeply for something in my eyes. I was about to say something when my thoughts were disturbed.

"May I cut in?"

I turned to see my boyfriend standing beside me, his hand extended to me. I wanted to speak to Edward, but I knew it would just cause trouble, so I took Jake's hand and he led me out onto the dance floor, leaving Edward standing alone. When he wrapped his arms around me, I settled myself against his chest. It wasn't the same though…

"You look beautiful, Bella," he whispered.

I felt the blood rushing to my face, causing a crimson color to spread across my face.

"You are Bella, why can't you see it?"

"I think you need to get your eyes checked Jacob because if anyone is good looking it is you," I chuckled as he was spinning me around the dance floor.

"Can we leave the reception a little early?" He asked.

"Why?"

"I want to show you something," he replied, a look of mischief in his eyes.

"What are you up to, Jacob Black?"

"Nothing, my love. Just a surprise."

"You know I hate surprises, Jake."

"Come on, Bells, let me do this one thing for you."

Shaking my head, I knew I was going to regret this when I agreed to it.

"Fine, but nothing too crazy, alright?"

"Okay… nothing too crazy," he said with a look of confusion.

I then started to look for Edward, I knew I was going to have to talk to him and let him know I would be leaving early, and when I met his eyes, something was off. Something was going through his mind that much I was sure of, but I wasn't really able to go find out at the moment.

I watched as the rest of my friends gathered around him and eventually went over to one of the tables and was talking. I remained silent though, because I knew if I drew to much attention to me watching them, that it would make Jake angry.

Then I noticed that Edward was walking toward the doors… was he leaving?

"I have to see where Edward is going," I said releasing Jake's hand.

"Bella…"

I ran as fast as I could in my heels, trying to catch up with him.

"Edward, where you going?"

When he turned around, I saw sadness there. What was making him so sad?

"I'm not feeling that great. I think I am going to ahead and head home."

There was something more to this but I wasn't going to question it now. I reached out and wrapped my arms around him, hugging him close.

"Okay, Edward. Be careful. I'll be by tomorrow to say bye."

It wasn't something I was ready to do, but had to do. I had to go home. I had to get back to work. I had gotten behind with working on the revisions on my story and Mr. Crane had really lenient about my work schedule lately with Alice needing me for her wedding.

"Alright, Bells. See you tomorrow then."

He hugged me tight and then let me go. I felt Jacob touch my hand, and I finally let him wrap his fingers between mine and lead me back out onto the dance floor. I couldn't help but wonder what was going on with Edward though.

I was getting tired though, I had danced with Jake, Emmett, Carlisle, and even Jasper. I was having so much fun and I wished it wouldn't have to end, but I knew it would in time. One thing I knew though was it would be even more fun if Edward was still there.

"You ready for your surprise?"

I felt Jake's strong arms snake around my waist, I turned a little to look back at his smiling face.

"Do I have any choice?" I asked playfully.

"Nope. Come on," he said as he pulled me toward the door.

"I have to say goodbye to Alice and Jasper first, silly."

He stopped, giving me the sad puppy eyes as I walked over to say goodbye to my friends. I quickly rushed back over to him, and he led me out the doors and to the car. He turned on the radio and pushed in one of my favorite CDs, while he was backing the car out of the parking space.

"So, what is this surprise?" I asked.

"It wouldn't be a surprise if you knew what it was, Bella."

I crossed my hands over my chest, and tried to pretend that I was angry with him. He then poked me in the side, causing me to squirm a little.

"Come on, Bella. Just let it be a surprise," He begged.

"Fine, Jacob, but you better have not gone crazy on this, because I saw that look earlier at the reception."

"Me? Never, Bella. I know you hate being fussed over."

It was then that I noticed that we weren't heading toward the house, but out of town.

"Jake…"

"The surprise isn't in Forks… its in La Push."

I watched as the trees flew by the car. The night had settled in and it was a very cool evening, the stars blanketing us with its brilliant light. We slowly came into La Push, the town quiet. We pulled up in front of The Call Of The Wild. I could hear the music blasting from inside the bar, and I figured that Jake was getting ready to drag me into a nasty bar in this dress, I was going to be beyond angry.

"Come on," he exclaimed while grabbing my hand.

"Where are you taking me, Jacob Black?" I yelled as he pulled me toward this path into the forest.

"Taking you to your surprised… oh, that reminds me, you need this."

He then pulled a blindfold out of his pocket and began to wave it in front of my face.

"Oh, no. No blindfolds, Jake."

"Humor me, honey. Please."

Sighing, I let my defenses down and allowed him to put the blindfold over my eyes. I then felt him slip his hand back into mine and him leading me forward into the forest. I could hear the crunching of the underbrush beneath my feet, and the sound of his breathing next to me. We walked quite a distance, and then we suddenly stopped and Jake released my hand.

"Jake…"

"I'm right here, Bella."

I reached up to remove the blindfold, but I felt Jake's hands push my own hands to my side.

"Don't take that off just yet," he whispered, his warm breath causing my skin to have goose bumps.

I stood there listening, and I wondered where we were and what he had planned, when I heard him walking around from behind me to some place in front of me.

"You can take the blindfold off now, Bella."

Reaching up, I pulled the blindfold over my head, and kept my eyes closed for a second before I opened them. I couldn't help but gasp at what was before me. Before my eyes was a sea of candlelight. Looking around, I realized it was the cliffs just outside of La Push, and then I noticed the moon shimmering down over the waters by First Beach.

My eyes moved to the man that was in front of me, a single solitary rose in his hand. I wanted to cry. This was way too much.

"Jake…" my voice trembling.

He was walking toward me now, slowly, taking long strides to reach me. When he stood in front of me, he smiled at me, reaching out to touch my hand.

"Bella, you know I love you. I have loved you from the moment that I laid eyes on you when were kids. You never saw me that way until a few years ago, and you have made me so happy since then."

"You have made me happy too, Jake. Happier than I thought I could be at times."

It was then that he dropped down onto one knee and looked up to meet my now tear filled eyes.

"Isabella Swan, I can't live without you. I need you in my life. You are my heart, my soul, my everything. Please, I beg you, I want nothing more than to become your husband. Please, Bella… would you marry me?"

The tears were streaming down my cheeks, when Jacob pulled a ring box from his pocket, opening it. It was beautiful. Words couldn't describe its beauty. The solitary diamond shined in the light of the candles that surrounded us, his eyes shimmered with hope.

My mind was racing. This man wanted me forever. He wanted me to be his wife. No man had ever wanted me this much. Even the man that I craved for so long didn't want me this way, but this man… he wanted me always.

"Yes… I will marry you," I whispered.

He stood and pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me. Slipping the ring onto my finger, and handing me the rose, I was still in shock.

"I love you, Bella. I will never love another like I love you. You have made me so incredibly happy."

Leaning myself into his body, I began to think. I was now engaged. I was going to become Mrs. Jacob Black one day. This was almost too much for me to handle.

Jake pushed me back some to look into my eyes.

"Are you going to be okay, Bells?"

"Yeah, this is not what I would have ever expected when I got engaged to the man that was going to be my husband. It's ten times what I could ever expect."

"For you, Bella, I would give you the world."

With that he leaned in and touched his lips to mine, sending shivers down my spine. Leaning back, I saw the glint in his eyes. He was truly happy. I was happy, but why did it all seem fast? Why was I all of a sudden questioning this? Pushing those feelings aside, I hugged Jake close, closing my eyes, trying to push away the feeling that this was wrong and that this moment was meant for someone else.


	31. Chapter 30: Learning About Broken Hearts

Hello Everyone!

I know it's been a while, but I do have a reason for being late in posting. I actually worked for two weeks straight with no time off, so it was really hard to work on a chapter when I had to sleep and such. I hope you can forgive me.

First off, to my sweet reviewers. I got to read all of your lovely reviews but I didn't get to reply to them all. I am sorry. I figured that you would want a new chapter instead of a personal reply, but know that they were all very nice and I appreciate them all. Keep them coming, I love knowing how you feel about the story.

The Normal Stuff: The Twilight Saga and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Support the many authors and stories that are on my fave lists, they are all very talented authors and very well written stories.

To the lovely ladies over on twilighted, love you! You keep things interesting in my life. I look forward to talking to you after a long day of craziness. My normal shout outs… halo, pwtf, FraA, Who, ECyesplease, amblovestoread, and my sweet Dolle, love you all. Thanks for listening to me at different times. By the way, hey Dolle… do I get to see Vetward anytime soon??

Now, to my friends… the Three Amigas, thanks for being such sweet people. Sweet Pea, miss talking to you as much as we have in the past, and you are never far from my thoughts. CARLISLE'SDARKETERNALQUEEN – Yay! You get a day off finally. Hopefully you get some time to relax! Finally, to my sister from another mother and another father, twilightgurl22, I can't wait to see you in a month. It will blast hanging out together again!

Now, on with the story…

* * *

Chapter 30 Learning About Broken Hearts Song: You Shouldn't Kiss Me Like This – Toby Keith  
Reasoning: Well, since I started this story, I have been listening to this song and I couldn't help but see the images that you are going to be seeing in the first part of the chapter. The lyrics are perfect and paint this image of everything that Edward is feeling at this point in time.

* * *

Chapter 30: Learning About Heartbroken Hearts

**The Day After The Wedding**

_Looking down, I noticed I was dressed in black, head to toe along with a sliver tie. Glancing around the room, I realized that I was standing in a grand ballroom, the walls a dark crimson, lit only by candlelight. As I glanced around the room, I noticed a pair of French doors not far from where I was standing. Within a few steps, I reached the golden knobs, and I pushed gently down on one of them. The door slowly slid open and beyond doors stood an angel._

_Dressed in a simple silver evening dress, her hair tumbling down in dark, curly waves, she looked out into the night. When she heard the door open, she turned to look at me, her eyes smoldering with something deep within._

"_You've kept me waiting," she whispered seductively._

"_I'm sorry. I didn't know."_

_Walking toward me, I watched her body sway. It was the sexiest thing I had ever seen in my entire life._

_Extending my hand, she reached for me, her touch setting my very soul afire. Leading her back into the ballroom, I could hear a song beginning to play._

"_Dance with me… please," I begged._

_She moved toward me and I slowly pulled her close to me. Her body molded into mine, her soft body resting against my strong one, my arms around her small frame. The words of the song began, echoing through the room._

**_I got a funny feeling  
The moment that your lips touched mine  
Something shot right through me  
My heart skipped a beat in time_**

**_There's a different feel about you tonight  
It's got me thinkin' lots of crazy things  
I even think I saw a flash of light  
It felt like electricity_**

_I looked down and saw her eyes again, and I realized what it was I saw in it earlier… it was desire. My hands began to move up her slender body, my hand reaching her face. As soon as my hand touched her face, she moved into my touch._

_**You shouldn't kiss me like this  
Unless you mean it like that  
Cause I'll just close my eyes  
And I won't know where I'm at  
We'll get lost on this dance floor  
Spinnin' around  
And around  
And around  
And around**_

_**They're all watchin' us now  
They think we're falling in love  
They'd never believe we're just friends  
When you kiss me like this  
I think you mean it like that  
If you do baby kiss me again**_

_She was now moving her own hands across my body, sending powerful waves of something, something I couldn't describe. Her eyes, so soft, so pure, so innocent, looked at me and it was as if nothing in the world could break this moment. This moment proved everything, how much we felt for one another, how much love that could exist between two souls._

**_Everybody swears we make the perfect pair  
But dancing is as far as it goes  
Girl you've never moved me quite  
The way you moved me tonight  
I just wanted you to know  
I just wanted you to know_**

**_You shouldn't kiss me like this  
Unless you mean it like that  
Cause I'll just close my eyes  
And I won't know where I'm at  
And We'll get lost on this dance floor  
Spinnin' around  
And around  
And around  
And around_**

**_They're all watchin' us now  
They think we're falling in love  
They'd never believe we're just friends  
When you kiss me like this  
I think you mean it like that  
If you do baby kiss me again  
Kiss me again_**

_The song ended, but I never wanted this moment, this feeling to ever end. My hands still on her soft skin, I pulled myself closer to her, and then I did something I never thought I would do. I kissed her. I thought it would be weird, but it was like lightning struck on that very spot and it sent the purest flow of electricity through us. Her lips were soft, and moved with my own. They then turned urgent, more passionate. She traced my lips, begging for entrance. _

_By now, one arm was wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer. Allowing her to deepen the kiss, I heard her moan causing my heart to race. This goddess, this angel, wanted me as much as I wanted her..._

BEEP. BEEP.

I threw my hand out and slammed the snooze button. Groaning I turned to see it was six in the morning. Looking across the bed, I noticed that Tanya was still there, though she was still asleep.

Slipping from the bed, I headed to the bathroom. Stumbling into the room, I ran my hand along to the wall and eventually found the switch, turning the light on and looked at myself in the mirror.

I looked like hell.

I quickly looked down at myself, I quickly realized that the dream that I had been having had been… well it was just a little too realistic and it was clear that my body was wishing it wasn't just a dream. I immediately jumped into the shower, turning on the cold water hoping to push the dream from my mind, however, my mind couldn't seem to forget the star of my dreams. Then I remembered the most horrible thing… she was leaving today.

This really couldn't be happening to me. She couldn't be leaving me. Not now. Not after I realized that she was thing that I had been missing in my life and needed more than anything. I just had to figure out how to work this all out. I knew that I had been dumb, but she normally forgave me. Maybe she could forgive me for this.

Stepping out of the shower, I dried off, and immediately went to the closet to pull out something to wear. Maybe I should wear something nice, since I was trying to make an impression on her. Or would she think something was off?

Frustrated, I pulled on something simple, a blue polo and some jeans. I never wore clothes like this, but Alice told me that I needed to broaden my fashion horizons, whatever that meant. So, I decided that maybe I should listen to her now. Running my fingers through my hair and grabbing my phone, I left the room before Tanya woke up and started yelling at me. I was far from being in a mood that I could put up with her.

Descending the stairs, I could hear my parents along with Rosalie and Emmett at the kitchen table. My sister and new brother were already off on their honeymoon to some beautiful tropical island, and I was hoping that they were enjoying themselves, especially since I was far from enjoying my present situation.

My options were limited, and it was still too early to call Bella to see when she was going to come over, so I headed to the living room and flopped down on the couch, and closed my eyes for a moment, hoping that I could relax a little before I talked to Bella, but as soon as I closed them, all I could see was her.

Groaning, I sat up and rubbed my hands over my eyes.

"Hey, little brother…"

Turning I saw Emmett coming into the room. He quickly took a seat beside me.

"I don't think I can handle anything you have to say at the moment, Emmett."

"Eddie, I think we need to talk."

Turning to him, I saw the most foreign thing ever, Emmett being serious… really serious.

"What then?"

"You realize that Bella is leaving today, right?"

"Yeah, Captain Obvious," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Maybe you should tell her how you feel."

"I don't know, Emmett…"

"Edward, you don't love Tanya. You never have. From the moment you brought her to meet the family, I knew you didn't love her. If you even try to tell me that you did love her I would have to call you a liar. You can't imagine what I was thinking when you brought her home and announced that she was your fiancée. I couldn't believe that you would do something that would make yourself so unhappy, but then I realized what the problem was."

"Which is?" I asked. This was going to be good… Emmett logic.

"You don't think you deserve to be happy because of all the stupid crap you have done in your life. Mostly, you don't think you deserve a woman like Bella."

For being a big goof ball majority of the time, he really did know me well.

"I don't deserve her. She needs a sweet guy."

"Eddie, you are a sweet guy, the problem is that you have never found a girl that makes you want to be that sweet guy. Everyone knows that you are this sweet and caring guy, except you. I hate to tell you that you might be able to fool the world into thinking you are this bad-ass but you aren't fooling any of us."

"Well, here's the thing, I am engaged and she is with Jake… its not like I can do anything about that."

"Edward, you can deal with the Tanya issue, and I think Jacob Black would be a goner if you told her that you love her. She may not be as vocal with her feelings now, but love doesn't just go away."

I knew that you couldn't turn love on and off, but that was beyond the point. Suddenly, my phone began to ring. Pulling it from my pocket, I saw it was Bella.

"Hey, you."

"_Hey back at ya. Listen, Jake has to get back to St. Louis for some meetings, so I have to run him to the airport, but I don't leave till tomorrow morning, so I was thinking that we should spend my last day in Forks together, what do you think?"_

This was perfect. A day with Bella… maybe, just maybe I could figure out what to do before she could leave.

"Yeah, do you have anything in particular that you want to do?" I asked.

"_Don't care. I would rather avoid your fiancé though."_

I wanted nothing more than to tell her that I wanted to avoid her as well, but that would seem a little strange.

"I think I can arrange that. What time will you be here then?"

"_Hold on a sec,"_ she started.

I could hear some talking in the background along with her talking to someone else.

"_Hey, Joanne and Tiffany said that they could take him because they are all leaving on the same flight, so I can come over in about an hour. Is that alright?"_

Is that alright? That was wonderful!! I couldn't have been happier.

"No problem. Hey, don't eat, we'll go out for breakfast, alright?"

"_Sure. I'll see you in a bit. Bye."_

"Bye."

I heard the line go quiet. I frowned a little though, especially since I had this urge to tell Bella I loved her, and I almost let it slip.

"So, is Bella going to be here soon?"

I turned to see Emmett still sitting there. I had completely forgotten that he was there too. How hopeless was I to forget him? Pretty hopeless…

"Yeah, we are going to spend the day together," I started.

"That's great, but I bet she wants to avoid the bitch though."

"Emmett…"

"Sorry, but she is, Edward. You and I both know it."

He was right, but it wasn't my style to bash women, even if she was a bitch.

"Just don't do it in front of me please," I begged.

"Fine, so what do you have planned?" He asked.

Planned? Oh, no… I don't have anything planned. Crap, crap, crap.

"I don't…"

Emmett began to laugh, and I punched him in the shoulder.

"Hey, I might be laughing at you, but I plan on helping you."

"Alright, Romeo, what do you think I should do?" I asked, with sarcasm.

"Take her to breakfast, let her pick out something… take her to a bookstore or something, treat her to some lunch, do something else, and dinner, take her home. Simple."

"I could have come up with that on my own," I snarled.

"Hey, don't growl at me, if you would have realized this four years ago, you would probably be happily married and happy with your life."

He did have a point, I should have realized this years ago. Bella was just always there and now that she wasn't here it made it a little easier to see what I had been missing out on.

"Sorry."

"No worries, little bro."

He stood and headed out of the room, leaving me sitting on the couch thinking. I was going to have to figure out how to deal with everything, how to handle Tanya and mostly I had to figure out how to tell Bella that I realized that I loved her. This was something easier said than done though.

Standing I walked through the house and when I passed by my dad's office, I could hear that he was rustling papers on his desk.

"Edward, could you come here for a minute," he called from the other side of the door.

Pushing the slightly open door open, I saw him sitting at his desk, a book in front of him.

"What's going on, Dad?" I asked.

"Sit down, Edward," motioning me to sit in front of him. "I know you have a lot on your mind right now."

"That would be an understatement."

"But, you need to think this all through before you act on anything."

"About?"

"If you really want to disrupt Bella's life with this knowledge or not, or how you plan on handling Tanya."

"I see your point," I grumbled.

"Edward, I know you care for Bella, and that now you want nothing more than to be with her, but you have to realize what you will be setting into motion. Do you really want to do that to her, to yourself and even to Tanya?"

"I don't care…"

"Don't even say that you don't care about Tanya. You must have cared about her at one point or you wouldn't have dated her."

"Guess you are right there…"

"Edward, just be careful with what you do, your actions do have consequences."

"Alright," I replied while I jumped from my seat.

As I walked through the entryway, I heard the knock at the door. Opening the door, stood my personal goddess, my Bella. Dressed in beige sweater, she was very casual, but in my eyes, she was perfect.

"Hey, you ready to go?" She asked.

"Don't want to come in for a minute?"

"Is Tanya here?"

I knew what she was asking about. She didn't want to cause any trouble. So, this was her way of keeping the peace.

"Let me grab my keys, and we'll get out of here, alright?"

"Sure," she replied while she walked toward the steps off the porch.

I stepped back to house to grab my keys off the table, and leaned into the dinning room to tell my mother bye, and was headed toward the door. Shutting it behind me, I walked out to meet Bella who was now out by her rental car.

"I think we should take the rental to keep your fiancé from knowing you are with me."

She was right about that. If Tanya knew I was with Bella, she would be calling me constantly until I decided to answer her. That made me think, I reached into my pocket to turn my phone to vibrate, because I knew it would only be a matter of time before she finally realized where I was and I didn't want Bella knowing that she was calling.

Turning around she smiled at me as she threw the keys to the Jeep at me. Watching her, she slipped over to the passenger side and shut the door before I could even realize what was going on. Getting into the car myself, she laughed.

"Shocked that I am going to let you drive?"

"Maybe a little, since you used to always argue about driving before."

"Guess I realized that there are worse things than letting a guy drive you around."

Smiling I started the car and slipped it into reverse and backed it out of the driveway. I listened to her talk about the rest of the reception, and it made me cringe when she mentioned Jacob Black at all.

I could remember that she loved this place in Port Angeles that served a great breakfast so I drove till I found the place. Luckily it wasn't too busy when we arrived.

"I haven't been here in forever, I totally missed their omelets. They don't make them like that at home."

Home? She was even referring to that place as home. Forks wasn't home to her anymore. The thought of this made my heart feel uneasy. How could I tell her that I love her when she doesn't even consider this place home anymore? It wasn't like I could move to wherever it was she lived. My life was here in Forks with my family.

"Come on," I said, as I took hold of her hand, pulling her toward the restaurant.

We ordered as soon as we got inside, and I listened to her talk about things that was going on in her life and about her college experience. Mostly, I just listened to the sound of her voice. I thought my memory was good and that I could remember it exactly, but it was different now. Her living away from Forks has caused a slight change in her voice and accent.

As soon as we finished, I drove her to one of her favorite stores, a bookstore, of course.

"You hate books," she started.

"But you love them. They are something you have always enjoyed."

"This is true, but I figured that we would do something we both enjoy, not just me."

"Bella, you know that I want nothing more than for you to be happy, right?"

"Yes, what brought this on?" She asked.

"I was just thinking about stuff and I realized that if you were happy with your life, I would be happy too."

Smiling, she took my hand again, her touch causing my heart to flutter, and led me inside the bookstore. She began to show me books that were published by the company that she was working for and told me about the authors that she had met. She was so happy with this life she had created… was it wrong of me to want her here with me? Would I be taking something precious away from her by asking her to love me in return and possibly come back to Forks?

Watching her, I noticed all the little things that I hadn't really paid attention to before I knew I loved her. She would always draw one leg up to her body when she sat in a soft chair with a book… or her hair would fall just slightly over her eyes while she read. She was just mesmerizing. Just watching her like this would be like a dream, something I could do always and never once get bored doing it.

We spent the majority of the morning looking down the shelves of the store; once in a while she would just sit down and look through the pages, smiling when she found parts that she liked. By a little after noon, she found a few selections that she liked, and I took them to the counter and paid for them, watching her frown at me when I did it.

"I still don't like people doing that kind of stuff for me, Edward," she growled.

"Bella, it is the least I can do. Let's just say it is me making up for the stuff that I could have done for you if you were still around here."

She rolled her eyes, and started for the car and as we walked, I heard her stomach rumble.

"Hungry?"

"Not really… maybe a little."

Looking across the street, I noticed a small bakery, and after I put her purchases in the backseat, I lead her inside. Just getting a coffee and a donut, I told her about things that were going on with me.

"So, when are you going to get married?" She asked.

That question threw me off some. At this point I wasn't planning on marrying Tanya. I couldn't. I would be doing my heart the greatest disservice. I couldn't marry Tanya when I was in love with Bella. It would be wrong on so many levels.

"Not sure," I replied.

"Not sure? What's wrong?"

"Nothing really. I just don't think that Tanya understands me or I understand her. It's just tough some days."

"Oh. I didn't realize. I though you were happy for the most part."

Happy? Lord, I wish I could be happy. Happiness would be a blessing, however, I was living in hell with Tanya. Pure hell. There wasn't another word beside hell to describe it, but I wasn't able to tell Bella that. If I did she would want to know why and I wasn't able to answer why at this point.

"It will all work itself out, Edward."

"I hope so," I said.

The rest of the afternoon was pretty boring, but nothing was ever really too boring when I was with Bella. She wasn't much of a shopper, but we went the local outlet mall and spent most of the time walking around, talking, and laughing. Her laugher… was so musical. I wished that I could play something on the piano that would resemble her laughter, something so genuinely beautiful.

So when I noticed that the sun was beginning to set, I knew it was time to get home, especially since I checked my phone and saw almost a hundred missed calls from Tanya. I knew I was in for a round of screaming and yelling, but it didn't matter to me. Getting this time with Bella was all that mattered.

"I need to check my messages, Edward. Give me a few minutes," she said as she stepped away from me for a moment.

Pulling out my phone, I called home. The voice on the other end was a welcoming sound.

"_Hello, Edward."_

"Hi, Mom. I was wondering, is Tanya around the house right now?"

"_Actually, no she's not. She screamed for about an hour and said she was going home to her mother's."_

"Good, Bella and I were going to be heading home soon, so I didn't know if I needed to avoid the house."

"_No, honey, she isn't around. I was thinking that it would still be a while before you came home since this is the last day that Bella is going to be here."_

"I hope that our time together isn't over yet, but I don't know, Mom. We'll see what happens."

Looking up I could see Bella walking back toward me.

"I need to go. Talk to you at home."

"_Bye, Edward."_

Snapping my phone shut, I smiled as she walked toward me. Her eyes were sparkling, I had to know why.

"What brought on that smile?" I asked.

"Nothing really, Jake was just being sweet."

The sound of his name coming from her lips cut my heart deeply. How can a name, just a name of another man, hurt me so much? Maybe it is because I want it to be my name that she is saying.

"I was thinking that we need to be heading back to Forks, what do you think?" I asked, praying that it wouldn't be time to say goodbye yet.

"Yeah, I think so, but would you be interested in coming to the house. I was thinking about cooking some pasta and we could talk some more. I have something I need to tell you."

Tell me? What could she have to tell me?

"Alright, but I guess I need to get a vehicle from home since we will be at your house then…"

"Yeah, so we better get going, and can we stop by the market so I can get some stuff to make salad and garlic bread?"

"Sure."

She reached out and hooked her arm in mine, and we walked to the Jeep and were back out on the road toward Forks within minutes. I pulled into the small local market, and she ran in and came back with a small bag of stuff, and we were off to my house.

Pulling into the driveway, I shifted the Jeep into park, and turned it off. I looked over to Bella, and I noticed a look of concern.

"What's wrong, Jingle Bells?"

She looked up to meet my eyes, and she forced a smile.

"Nothing, I was just thinking about some stuff that I have to do when I get home."

Stepping out of the vehicle, she walked around the front to come over to the driver's side, as I stepped out of the Jeep. Stepping out of the way, she climbed in, and I pushed the door closed. She rolled down the window and smiled.

"See you in about thirty minutes?"

"Yeah, I'll be there."

I ran up to the house for a minute to see that no one was around. I guess something came up and everyone was off doing something. Oh, well.

So, with no one being around, I figured that I should go ahead and go to Bella's. When I got behind the wheel of 'Christine', I started to wonder if I should take a leap of faith and tell her. Then, I started to question my sanity. Why would she believe me when I tell her that I am in love with her? I told her all those years ago that I just wanted to stay her friend and now I change my mind to declare my love for her… She is happy, at least I think so… why would I want to take her happiness away when she seems to have moved past everything.

Pulling in front of the house, I saw the lights glowing within the house. Shutting the car door behind me, I slowly walked up the front walk, my mind still racing with the possibilities for this evening. I tapped on the door, and I heard Bella walking through the house, to have her pull the door open. Her eyes were full of wonder, playfulness, mostly friendship.

"You got here early, guess the family wasn't around were they?"

"Nope, everyone is gone for the time being."

"Come on in, I am finishing up the pasta and the sauce is about ready too."

When I stepped inside the house, it was like I was entering a time warp. It was so similar but so different too. I was betting Alice made some changes to keep Bella from being so uncomfortable in the house, especially since it had been so long since she had been here in Forks.

Watching her work in the kitchen, I was captivated by her movements. She moved so gracefully, but at times, she would revert to the old Bella and almost drop things she was carrying. It was endearing.

Turning around I looked to the see the kitchen table set with all the dishes and salad. I noticed a bottle of wine too. She was pulling out all the stops for tonight. Maybe it was the time to tell her that I loved her…

"Go ahead and sit down, Edward, I'll be finished in a minute," she called from behind me.

Sitting down at the table, I let myself watch her from my seat, she turned and brought the food to the table. Watching her open the wine and pouring it into the glasses, I started to get even more nervous. This was a massive moment. Something I never thought I would be doing in my life. I was going to tell my best friend that I loved her.

"Go on, Edward. When have you ever been shy around food?" She asked playfully.

I reached across the table and started to place food on plate, while she brought her wine glass to her lips to take a small sip. _That is so sexy…_

Finally, we started to eat, and she was telling me about this project she was going to be starting at work, and I was telling her about my job, which wasn't near as impressive as hers was, but she was just as interested in it as I was in hers.

It was after dinner was served, and the mess cleaned up that I started to worry. She had mentioned that there was something that she needed to tell me. What could it be?

We went into the living room, Bella sitting on the couch, me on a chair not far from her. Her movements were changing. She was becoming tense, uneasy about something. What she had to say couldn't be that bad.

"What's wrong, Bells?" I asked.

Taking a deep breath, she looked at me. Her eyes were set and were looking deeply into me. It was almost like she was looking in my very soul, in search of something deeply hidden within me.

"Nothing is wrong, actually I am happy, but I don't know how you will take this," she said with a pause. "Edward, something happened last night after you left the reception…"

What happened? Did Jacob Black hurt her? The thought of him doing something to harm on hair on her precious head sent waves of anger throughout my body. I would kill him. No one could hurt her, no one.

"What?"

"Jake took me to La Push, and…"

"He what, Bella?"

"He asked me to marry him…"

I felt the blood draining from my face the instant that the words marry him came from her mouth. He asked her to marry him…

"What did you say?" I asked, praying that she didn't say what I think she did.

"I said yes. I'm going to be marrying him. Isn't that exciting? I'm going to get married."

"Yeah, it's real exciting," I said, trying to sound happy, though my heart throbbed with pain.

"You are the first person I have told. I couldn't let you find out about this from Alice or anyone else, especially since we have made so much progress with our friendship since I came back."

"I'm happy for you. I figured that he would ask you eventually."

My words sounded okay to the outside observer, but inside my head, I was screaming. I was screaming that he was wrong for her. I was meant to be with her. He didn't deserve a woman like Isabella Swan. Bella was an angel that lived on earth…

"I was nervous that you would be upset. I know that you wanted me to find a guy that makes me happy, and he does."

"I am happy for you, Bells. Very," I said, trying to keep from gritting my teeth in disgust.

It was then, that I finally noticed the ring. It was huge. I stood and walked toward her, taking her hand and bringing the ring to my eye level. The electricity that radiated from her skin into my body was still there though. The feeling burned throughout me and created this longing that I could barely describe. No woman had ever made me feel this way, my heart had never known such pain.

"Bella, I really need to be heading home, I know I am in for it with Tanya and I guess I need to face up to the fact that I am going to be getting yelled at for a while."

I couldn't tell her that I couldn't stand here and know that I had realized too late. That I knew that she was one person that I couldn't live without and now, I had to.

"Oh, alright," she said with a sigh as she stood to walk with me to the door.

When she pulled the door open, I turned around and almost bumped into her. She was so close, close enough that I could smell the faint smell of her perfume. I wanted nothing more than to lean in and kiss her lips, to run my hands over her soft skin. The temptation was excruciating.

"I guess I will be seeing you sometime, right?" I asked.

"I won't stay away as long as I did this time, I promise," she answered.

She then reached for me, pulling me into a hug. I let myself wrap my arms around her small body, and laid my head on top of hers. I wanted nothing more than to stay like this always with her, but it wasn't mean to be.

"I'll miss you," she whispered.

"I'll miss you too, Bella," I said, pulling her as close to me as I could.

When I finally released her, she smiled slightly as I walked down the front walk to my car. I looked up when I reached the driver side door, and she was leaning in the door frame of the house watching me leave. I waved and got in the car before I did something I would later come to regret.

The car rumbled to life as I pulled away and I didn't look back. I pushed the pedal to the floor and the engine roared. It was then, that I felt something falling down my face. Reaching up I noticed tears. I wiped them away quickly… guys don't cry. Especially guys like me.

I didn't head for home though. I didn't want to hear Tanya yell or hear my family's constant complaints to how stupid I was for waiting too long to tell Bella that I love her. I was doomed to be with a woman that I hated with all my being and to have my family angry with me for being so blind to the greatness that could have always been mine if only I had spoke up and claimed it.

So with that, I drove till I found a spot that I could drown my sorrows in. I started to drink and think about everything. I wanted nothing more than for this to be one of those old movies, the ones that the guy always got the girl in the end, but that wasn't how it worked out here in reality… The fact was that the boy didn't necessarily always get the girl… So, with each drink, I tried to push the feelings that I was feeling away, the love, the anger, the heartbreak, but mostly the loneliness. That feeling of loneliness would never truly go away because Bella would never be with me.


	32. Chapter 31: HDYTYFYAGM?

Hello Everyone.

I hope you enjoy this chapter. If you find lots of mistakes, I am sorry. I have read this so many times I am going cross eyed. So I beg for your forgiveness.

To my reviewers… I love you guys dearly. Thank you so much for the reviews. I read everyone's review, but I have been working a lot so I didn't get around to replying. I will say that they are greatly appreciated and loved. Please continue to review.

The Normal Ramblings: The Twilight saga and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Support my faves on my profile and check out DID by Dollegirl. It is awesome! It cracks me up totally. I have to show my Vetward love!

I send my love out to my wonderful ladies on twilighted… you know who you are. ;)

To The Three Amigas… love you. twilightgurl22 can't wait for the trip to see you. Can't see the movie without you either.

Now, on with the story…

* * *

Chapter 31 How Do You Tell Your Friend You Are Getting Married? Song: I Can Still Feel You - Colin Raye  
Reasoning: I think many of these lines can explain how Bella feels about Edward at times. How many times have you sworn that someone that you care about it is just behind you… like you can feel them there…

* * *

Chapter 31: How Do You Tell Your Friend You Are Getting Married?

To say that I wasn't still in shock about everything that had just happened in my life, I would be lying, but I knew that it was for the best. Right? What woman wouldn't want to be proposed to in the most romantic way possible?

I wasn't able to sleep after everything that happened. Jake drove home from La Push and as soon as we got home, we went upstairs for bed. He changed quickly and was in bed within moments. Me, I changed and so that I could lie down beside him until I was sure that he was asleep, to get up and head downstairs.

Lucky for me, everyone was sleeping. Joanne and Tiffany were sleeping in my parents' old room, and Kat was in the guest room. So I slipped over to the couch and picked up my glasses and a book from the coffee table, and clicked on a lamp. I turned the pages until I found the spot that I had stopped reading and began to read through the words.

My eyes didn't leave the pages for hours, so when I looked up to see it was well after four in the morning, I put the book down and placed my glasses on top of the book. I walked to the kitchen and turned on the light and pulled a glass from the cabinet to run some water into it. I took a quick drink and turned the light out as I walked out of the room. It was then I heard someone coming down the stairs into the living room.

"Hey."

It was only Kat, her hair a mess and looking all disoriented.

"What are you doing up?" I asked.

"I think I could ask you the same thing. You weren't home when we all went to bed. What time did you get in?"

"Around midnight I think. Just came in and went to bed."

"Doesn't look like you have been to bed yet, you look tired," she started as she walked over to the couch.

"No, I guess I have too much on my mind."

"Like?"

Sighing, I let my hand come into the light and let her see the ring.

"He proposed?!" She exclaimed but it was nothing too loud though.

"Yes. He did."

"This is wonderful, Bells. You are going to be Mrs. Jacob Black soon."

I let my eyes drop to my hands that were now folded in my lap. It is wonderful, at least I think it is.

"What's wrong, Bella?" She whispered, her voice echoing concern.

"I don't know. It just seems like too much, too fast. I mean I care about Jake and I want to marry him, but it's just strange."

"I bet I know what the problem is…" she started.

"What?"

"You are worried about telling Edward. It is written all over your face, little cousin."

Edward… I was going to have to tell him about my engagement. The thought of telling him this made my stomach turn and made me feel like I was going to be sick. I worried that this information would be too much for our newly mending friendship, especially with all the past events that led to the breaking of our friendship four years ago.

"More worried that this information could break everything we have fixed up to this point."

"I think it's more than that, Bella. You still love him. That much is clear. I haven't ever heard you tell Jake that you love him. Its like you are afraid of something."

After I told Edward I loved him, I made a choice. I wasn't going to use the words I love you again until I meant every single word. Maybe I love ya, it didn't mean the same thing as I love you.

"Kat, just drop it. Please."

"Bella, you are going to have to move past this whole Edward thing. He is engaged and now you are too. It's never going to be you and him. He made his choice. I always wanted to see you two together, but it's just not meant to be."

Sighing, I leaned back into the arm of the couch, pulling a cushion close to me.

"You deserve the world, and Jacob can give it to you. You have a wonderful job, a man that loves you unconditionally, family and friends that love you too. What more can you want?"

I knew she was right, but that didn't ease my thoughts. It was still going to be hard to tell Edward I was getting married. I was lucky though. I was a better actress than he thought I was. I got lots of practice when I was trying to pretend that I didn't love him back in high school.

"You're right, Kat. I know you are. I just don't know how to go about telling him about it. It's hard since Jake hates him so much and he is my friend so he is important to me. I'm just doomed," I said dramatically.

"You are far from doomed, confused maybe, but not doomed," she laughed.

It was then that we heard Tiffany and Joanne moving around upstairs. They had a plane to catch too this morning, along with Jake. I knew I had to get ready so I could take Jake to Seattle to catch the plane. I stood, stretching out some getting ready to head upstairs.

"What are you doing?" Asked Kat.

"Getting ready to take Jake to the airport."

"Bella you haven't slept yet. Just lay down for an hour or so. You need some rest too."

I then yawned which made Kat's "I told you so" look even more serious.

"Fine, I will just lay down here for an hour or so."

I pulled the blanket from the back of the couch, and curled my arms under my head, and tried to let myself fall asleep. I didn't think that I could, but within minutes…

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Groaning, I stretched, and looked at the clock on the wall. Six in the morning, great… just great.

I could hear everyone moving around the house and I could hear bags and luggage being dropped in random rooms of the house, so I knew there was no point of even trying to go back to sleep. Climbing the stairs, I pushed the door open to see Jake pulling on his shirt and buttoning it.

"Hey, when I woke up and you weren't here, I got a little worried."

"I couldn't sleep so I went downstairs and read some. Fell asleep on the couch."

He crossed the room and wrapped his strong arms around me. I leaned into his strong body, and breathed in taking in the smell of his cologne. I would miss him, even though I would only be away from him a day.

My feelings were confused. I cared so much for Jake, and he meant everything to me, but then there were these other feelings that still said that this wasn't the person that I was meant to be with… that Jake was meant for someone else. This ache in my heart just wouldn't go away, even after all this time. The fact was I was in a complete and utter mess but I was sure it would get worked out in due time. At least I hoped it would.

"What's wrong, my darling?"

I looked up to meet his dark eyes. They looked deeply into my own and they looked for the answers that I had hidden within me.

"I have decided that I have to tell Edward that we are getting married before I come home tomorrow."

His eyes turned darker at the mention of my best friend's name. I knew it hurt him that I could just forgive him so easily, but isn't that how friendship should be. You do something stupid and you forgive one another, right? At least that is how I have always viewed friendship.

"Bella, you know I don't like you being around him."

"Jake, I am a grown woman and I can handle Edward. Remember, he is engaged, and I am too," I said with a forced smile.

"He better realize that you are all mine and I intend on keeping it that way."

"Jacob Black, you make it sound like you are threatened by my best friend."

"Not at all. I just hope he knows his place," he said with a growl.

I leaned up and kissed his cheek gently, and looked back at him with a smile.

"Don't worry about Edward. He won't do anything like that, but you need to hurry and finish getting ready so I can get ready so I can get you to the airport on time."

He hugged me close for a moment to release me so he could finish getting ready. Knowing it was cold outside, I grabbed my favorite beige sweater and a pair of jeans. Pulling them on, I slipped on a pair of boots, and pulled my hair up so that the wind wouldn't make it an absolute mess.

Running down the stairs I was met with my cousin, my fiancé, and my two friends running around the room. I then asked myself why I made my flight the following day instead of today. Who knew?

"Joanne, where is my purse," called Tiffany from upstairs.

"Down here," she yelled in reply.

I crossed the house, to the kitchen for coffee, which I knew my cousin would have ready before I got downstairs. I guess living together all those years helped.

I saw my phone on the table and I realized that I needed to call Edward, mainly because I needed to figure out what our plans would be for today. I knew I had to tell him bye before I left for home, but the main reason was that I had to tell him about the engagement. I couldn't leave this one for Alice or anyone else to tell him. He had to hear it from me and me alone.

I flipped my phone open and dialed the phone. I listened to his ringback, humming along with the song. It suddenly ended when he finally picked up his phone.

"_Hey you."_

"Hey back at ya. Listen, Jake has to get back to St. Louis for some meetings, so I have to run him to the airport, but I don't leave till tomorrow morning, so I was thinking that we should spend my last day in Forks together, what do you think?"

"_Yeah, do you have anything in particular that you want to do?"_

He sounded excited. In a way, I was too. Since getting back to Forks, I hadn't had a chance to just spend time with my friend, so it would be nice to just hang out.

"Don't care. I would rather avoid your fiancé though."

"_I think I can arrange that. What time will you be here then?"_ He said with a laugh.

"Hey, Bella, we can take Jake to the airport," started Kat as she walked into the kitchen.

"Hold on a sec," I said, covering the phone to keep Edward from hearing our conversation.

"We'll all ride together in Jake's rental and you can just stay here and do whatever you have planned," stated Tiffany while she took a sip of her coffee.

"Are you sure," I asked being a little cautious.

"No problem, Bella. Have fun with your friend. You don't know how long it will be before you see him again."

Removing my hand I began to speak again.

"Hey, Joanne and Tiffany said that they could take him because they are all leaving on the same flight, so I can come over in about an hour. Is that alright?"

"_No problem. Hey, don't eat, we'll go out for breakfast, alright?"_

He sounded happy, actually really happy. I couldn't help but wonder what was going on with him.

"Sure. I'll see you in a bit. Bye."

"_Bye."_

Closing my phone, I felt a smile form on my lips, and I turned to see both of my friends and cousin staring at me.

"What?"

"You know what? You still want him?" Stated Joanne.

"Come on, ladies, Bella is now off the market," exclaimed Kat as she pulled my hand up so they could see the ring."

Both women squealed and rushed me before I could even think. All of them were chattering like crazy about the fact that I was getting married, and I saw Jake coming down stairs looking at me with a look of adoration. The look in his eyes showed how excited he was that my friends were thrilled about us getting married.

"Ladies, I know you love gushing over Bella's new happiness, but we all have a plane to catch."

They all looked at each other like someone had killed a puppy, but they all smiled as they started to gather up all their stuff and they began to sit it by the front door. I watched as they got coffee and talked for a few minutes, but by eight they were loading up their stuff. I hugged my friends and cousin, and they quickly got into the waiting car.

Jake, on the other hand, stood on the porch with me a moment.

"I'll miss you," he said, pulling me close to him.

"I'll miss you too. I will be home tomorrow though," I said smiling.

Leaning down, his lips brushed against mine, causing me to blush. He leaned up and smiled back before he went down the steps and to the waiting car. As they pulled out of the driveway, I already began to miss them, but I couldn't stand there all day and miss them. I had to get to Edward's.

Grabbing the keys off the table just inside the door, I went out to the Jeep. Turning the key, I turned the radio to one of my favorite radio station while I drove. My hands on the steering wheel, I looked at the ring. It was massive and Edward would see it as soon he saw me. I pulled off the ring, and stuck it in my pocket of my jeans. I couldn't wear it in front of him till I told him about my engagement, but how and when would be the best time to tell someone that you are getting married.

When I pulled the Jeep into the driveway, I got a little nervous, no… really nervous. Climbing from the Jeep, I walked toward the house and reached the door, but paused a minute. I needed to breathe and gather my thoughts. When I finally felt as if I was brave enough, I brought my hand to knock on the door.

Waiting at the door, I kept shifting my weight from one foot to the other. When the door opened, I saw his eyes and I was lost in them yet again. Their emerald depths were always so mesmerizing and so gorgeous. I stood there for a moment before I could even say a thing.

"Hey, you ready to go?" I asked, trying not to sound nervous.

"Don't want to come in for a minute?" He asked, stepping out of the doorway some.

"Is Tanya here?"

It was an honest question. I wasn't in the mood for a knock down drag out this morning. By the look in his eyes, it was clear that Tanya was somewhere in the house, and that meant that was the last place that I wanted to be at this moment.

"Let me grab my keys, and we'll get out of here, alright?"

"Sure," I replied, as I walked toward the Jeep.

I stood around waiting and I looked at his car for a moment and smiled. I had a lot of memories in that car. Then I realized that we couldn't take his car or Tanya would be searching for him. When he started to walk toward me I reached into my pocket and pulled out the keys to the Jeep.

"I think we should take the rental to keep your fiancé from knowing you are with me."

I then threw the keys to him as I walked around the front of the Jeep and climbed inside. He followed me inside and he had this look of confusion there. I couldn't help but I laughed.

"Shocked that I am going to let you drive?" I laughed.

"Maybe a little, since you used to always argue about driving before."

I watched his eyes. They were looking for something, maybe to see if I was going to say gotcha or something like that, but why would I?

"Guess I realized that there are worse things than letting a guy drive you around."

While he drove, I told him about my life, about my life with Jacob, though I knew it made him uncomfortable, but he never complained at all. It was almost like he didn't care what I was talking about, he just wanted to listen to me.

As we drove into Port Angeles, I realize that we were going down many of the familiar roads that I hadn't traveled in years so when we pulled up in front of this café, I smiled. It was a place that I had many happy memories, many of them I had shared with Edward.

"I haven't been here in forever, I totally missed their omelets. They don't make them like that at home."

I watched his face as soon as I spoke and it was as if I said something that upset him. What had I said that was so horrible? Let's see… I said that I hadn't been here in a long time, and that they don't have them like that at home… nope, can't figure out what was so bad about it.

"Come on," he said as he grabbed my hand and led us into the restaurant.

We quickly ordered our breakfast, and while we ate, we talked about a variety of things. I told him about my friends in college and about some of the things that I had to do at different points of time. He really didn't say too much, it was almost as if he was just taking everything I was saying in and storing it into his memory. I really didn't think what I was talking about to be that interesting, but maybe it was to him.

After we paid for our food, Edward drove until we ended up in front of my favorite bookstore. I looked at him really strangely, wondering what was going on with him since he HATED bookstores, though he would go with me on an occasion.

"You hate books," I started.

"But you love them. They are something you have always enjoyed."

"This is true, but I figured that we would do something we both enjoy, not just me."

"Bella, you know that I want nothing more than for you to be happy, right?"

His question caught me off guard somewhat. I knew I wanted him to be happy no matter what, but did he want me to be happy? Of course he would, he's Edward and he is just that type of guy.

"Yes, what brought this on?"

I had to know why he asked that. Was there a darker reasoning to why he wanted to know this?

"I was just thinking about stuff and I realized that if you were happy with your life, I would be happy too."

That was nice of him to say, but something inside me kept telling me that there was more to this question than what he was letting on to. I knew there was no point in pushing the subject, he wouldn't break down and tell me if there was, so I smiled and took his hand and we went into the store.

We walked up and down the aisles of books, and I showed him some of the books that the company that I worked for published, and even told him some stories about the authors that I had met before I had actually became an author myself. It was funny to hear some of the demands that they wanted.

After a while, I started to search the shelves and I found a couple of books that I wanted to look at so I found a soft chair and curled up some to read a few pages to see if I was interested in them. By about fifteen after twelve, I had found the books that I wanted, and while standing in the line to pay for my books, Edward took them from my hands and paid for them himself. I couldn't help but glare at him, especially since he knew I hated it when people did that for me.

"I still don't like people doing that kind of stuff for me, Edward," I growled.

"Bella, it is the least I can do. Let's just say it is me making up for the stuff that I could have done for you if you were still around here."

Rolling my eyes, I followed him from the store, when my stomach became a trader and let Edward know of its sudden little hunger pain.

"Hungry?" He asked.

"Not really… maybe a little," I replied, blushing slightly.

I then saw the bakery across the street and Edward quickly put my books in the backseat and led me across the road. I only got a coffee and a donut, but it served its purpose. It made my stomach stop growling like a rabid animal.

While we were talking I had this sudden urge to ask Edward something, something that wasn't really any of my business, but I just wanted to know.

"So, when are you going to get married?"

His eyes went wide when I asked that question. For a moment, I thought he was going to spew his coffee all over me. It was almost like he was searching his mind for the answer because he was unsure of what to say to me, like he wanted to hide something.

"Not sure," he replied.

"Not sure? What's wrong?"

There was something going on in the depths of his mind, but I couldn't figure out what. It was a simple question. When was he going to get married? What was so wrong with that question?

"Nothing really. I just don't think that Tanya understands me or I understand her. It's just tough some days."

The way he answered was strange, really strange. It was like he wanted to run me in circles and not let me in on something that he seemed to want to keep hidden from me. This wasn't like Edward, at least not the Edward that I had always known.

"Oh. I didn't realize. I though you were happy for the most part. It will all work itself out, Edward."

"I hope so," he mumbled.

After that uncomfortable moment, I decided it would be better to leave many of the too personal subjects alone and just be as casual as possible. We went to the local outlet mall and walked around and talked about random things. I couldn't remember the last time I had laughed so much.

By the time I looked at my watch, I realized it was getting late, and I noticed that Edward had pulled out his phone to see how many calls he had missed. By him doing that, it made me remember that I needed to check in and see if Jake arrived home safely.

"I need to check my messages, Edward. Give me a few minutes."

He nodded and pulled out his own phone again and dialed out. I walked away giving him some privacy while I called Jake.

I hummed along with his ringback and he finally answered the phone a few seconds later.

"_Hello, beautiful. How are things?"_

"Alright. Had breakfast with Edward, went to the bookstore, walked around and talked about stuff."

"_You've told him we are engaged, right?"_

"Not yet, I was thinking of having him over for some dinner and telling him though."

"_I don't like you being alone with him, Bella. I don't care how much you trust him. He still hurt you and he is still a man. He could…"_

"Jake, Edward wouldn't do anything to me. I don't care if you don't trust him, just trust me, please," I begged.

"_Alright, Bells. I trust you. If you need me, call me."_

"Bye, Jake."

"_I love you, Bella. See you soon."_

I quickly snapped my phone shut, and tried my best to push my worries away. I was worried about how Edward was going to take this news, and I knew it would be better to do it in private than in public. As I was walking back toward him, I saw he too was shutting his phone. I put on my classic actress smile and watched as he did the same thing.

"What brought on that smile?" He asked.

"Nothing really, Jake was just being sweet."

I knew I was lying, but I couldn't be truthful, at least not yet. I couldn't tell him that my fiancé didn't trust him and that he didn't want me to be alone with him. It was just better this way.

"I was thinking that we need to be heading back to Forks, what do you think?" He asked.

"Yeah, I think so, but would you be interested in coming to the house. I was thinking about cooking some pasta and we could talk some more. I have something I need to tell you."

Food was a good thing. I could cook and then maybe gain enough courage to tell him that I am going to become Mrs. Jacob Black in the near future. Maybe if I ease him into the fact that I am getting married that it would make things better and hopefully not destroy all the work we have done to fix our friendship.

"Alright, but I guess I need to get a vehicle from home since we will be at your house then…"

He agreed. That's good.

It was then that I remembered that I was running low on food at the house since tonight was my last night that I was going to be there. I needed to shop for food.

"Yeah, so we better get going, and can we stop by the market so I can get some stuff to make salad and garlic bread?" I was hoping that I didn't sound like I was getting nervous about having him over either, or he would be questioning me about it.

"Sure."

Hooking my arm with his, he led us back to the Jeep and got back on the road. I continued to have this internal conversation with myself. I was imagining all the possibilities that could happen when I told Edward. I could see him getting angry, throwing things, taking it in stride, or just staring at me like I was crazy to even consider marrying Jake.

He pulled up in front of the local grocery store and I tried to hurry as I looked for everything I wanted. Just let it be simple, I kept telling myself. I grabbed the fixings to make salads along with some of my favorite Caesar dressing, French bread, pasta, and even some sauce. I would doctor it up to make it perfect.

Paying for my food, I got back in the Jeep and Edward drove toward his house. I watched the trees pass by, knowing that we were getting closer and closer, which made me even queasier. The fact that I would be telling my best friend, a person that I valued so much even after all the drama that we had put ourselves through, that I was doing this meant the world.

We pulled into the drive and I heard him turn the key back. We sat there for a moment, not speaking at all to one another. He finally broke the silence after a few minutes.

"What's wrong, Jingle Bells?"

I hated it when he could read me like a book. Was I so transparent? Lord, could I not worry in peace for a change. Could he not know that I needed to get my thoughts together before I drop this massive bomb on him about my personal life?

"Nothing, I was just thinking about some stuff that I have to do when I get home," I lied.

The thing that worried me as soon as I said that was that I was really getting good at lying to him, which made me feel sick, well sicker than I was already feeling up to this point. Walking around the front of the Jeep, I got behind the wheel, Edward pushing the door closed as soon as I was inside. I rolled down the window, meeting his smiling face with a smile of my own.

"See you in about thirty minutes?"

"Yeah, I'll be there."

I watched him turn and run up the stairs toward the house, and then I caught myself staring at his… Stop it, I scolded myself. You don't go around looking at your friend's rear, but it did look nice.

Shaking the thoughts from my mind, I started the Jeep, and pulled away from the house. I pulled my favorite CD from my purse, and pushed it into the radio. I quickly turned it up blaring it on the way home. I was in a mood, one that I couldn't describe, but it was a mood nonetheless. So what better to listen to than angry chick music?

It didn't take me long to get home so I quickly went into the house and started dinner, but before I forgot it, I needed to put the ring back on. Slipping it back onto my finger, it felt heavy and awkward, but maybe it was because I wasn't used to it being there yet, especially since I wasn't much on wearing jewelry in the first place.

I began to simmer the sauce as soon while I added some more garlic and other seasonings to make it taste even better. Cutting up the salad, and fixing the garlic bread took only a few moments. I would wait till a little later to start the pasta since it didn't take too incredibly long to cook.

I was setting the table, when I heard him pull up in front of the house. I quickly put the plates on the table, along with the wine glasses and a bottle of wine. I wanted everything to be perfect. I needed this to get myself ready to tell him everything.

When I heard the rap at the door, I went to answer it. Opening the door, I put on my happy face. I couldn't let my expressions betray me anymore than they already had.

"You got here early, guess the family wasn't around were they?"

"Nope, everyone is gone for the time being."

He appeared to be deep in thought. His bright green eyes were lost in concentration, like he was trying to find the perfect words to say whatever he was thinking. Edward never did that though. He always just told me what was on his mind. There wasn't anything fancy about the way that he did things. Something was going on, maybe I would find out later as the night went on.

"Come on in, I am finishing up the pasta and the sauce is about ready too."

As soon as both of us entered, I shut the door and went back to the kitchen to check on my pasta sauce. Reaching for the spoon, I stirred it slowly, taking in the aroma from the garlic. I could hear Edward walking around behind me though. I knew what he was doing, he was looking around the house since he hadn't been here in so long. When I felt him standing close behind me, I felt my blood run cold. His presence had a way making me weak, though it shouldn't.

"Go ahead and sit down, Edward, I'll be finished in a minute," I stated, hoping that the distance would get my concentration back.

I put the pasta on, and began checking the bread, since I had this ability to burn it every time I made some, and it wouldn't be good with me trying to set a tone to tell Edward if I burnt the bread. Within about ten minutes or so, everything was ready and I put the food on the table, my eyes studying Edward while I did so. I opened the bottle of wine, and poured some into the glasses, careful that I didn't spill it on me.

"Go on, Edward. When have you ever been shy around food?" I asked playfully, trying to cut the tension that was obviously building in the room.

I quickly brought my glass to my lips and took a small drink. Something to calm my nerves.

After he began to eat, I followed suit. The food tasted wonderful, I wasn't really hungry, but it was a way to keep myself from talking as much as I would without the food being there. Mostly I talked about this new book I was going to be starting soon and the book that was going to be published soon. He told me about his job, which I really did find interesting. I might not like cars as much as he does, but I always found them fascinating.

As we cleaned up the mess, I realized that I couldn't put this off any longer. I couldn't keep this information to myself. I had to tell him, but I knew that I was taking a risk of breaking the very thing that I had missed so much over all these years. Something more valuable than gold or precious gems… my friendship with Edward.

We finished and we headed into the living room, me settling down on the couch, him on the chair. I stared out into space for a moment, asking myself, how do you tell the man that you once declared your undying love for that you were now marrying another man?

"What's wrong, Bells?"

He had no idea what was going through my head, he just knew that something was off. It was strange that no matter how much time had passed… he could still figure me out.

"Nothing is wrong, actually I am happy, but I don't know how you will take this," I said, pausing for a moment, and then I continued. "Edward, something happened last night after you left the reception…"

"What?" He asked apparently a little worried.

"Jake took me to La Push, and…"

I was watching his face as I spoke. It was getting more concerned, even furious…

"He what, Bella?"

"He asked me to marry him…" I replied, my voice weaker than it really should have been.

"What did you say?" His voice on the brink of yelling.

"I said yes. I'm going to be marrying him. Isn't that exciting? I'm going to get married."

The spirit that sparkled within his eyes died. I could see it, though I knew he was trying to hide the face. The idea that I was marrying Jacob Black upset him.

"Yeah, it's real exciting," he said.

It was clear that he was just being kind, he wasn't happy. I wanted to call him on it, but I didn't feel it would be right. Mostly, knowing he didn't approve broke my heart all over again.

"You are the first person I have told. I couldn't let you find out about this from Alice or anyone else, especially since we have made so much progress with our friendship since I came back."

Yes, I had told Kat, Joanne, and Tiffany, but that was different, they were staying with me. He was the first actual person outside of the people that had been with me that knew and when I did tell him, he was saddened by the news.

"I'm happy for you. I figured that he would ask you eventually."

Something in his voice told me that there was more to his actions. It was like all hope he had within his soul was gone, but why? Why would the news of my engagement take away all his hope?

"I was nervous that you would be upset. I know that you wanted me to find a guy that makes me happy, and he does," I said, trying to make it clear that I wanted this to happen…

"I am happy for you, Bells. Very," he said.

My hand moved into the light, and it was then that Edward stood and came toward me. It frightened me how he moved toward me, not that he would do something to me, but that his movements still caused that kind of reaction within me. He reached down and took my hand, letting the ring shine in the light of the room. The feeling of his skin against mine almost made me gasp, but I kept from doing that. It wasn't appropriate.

"Bella, I really need to be heading home, I know I am in for it with Tanya and I guess I need to face up to the fact that I am going to be getting yelled at for a while."

"Oh, alright," I said, while Edward released my hand from his and I walked toward the door.

Edward turned and almost bumped into me. He was so close to me, I could feel the very heat off his strong body.

"I guess I will be seeing you sometime, right?" He asked.

"I won't stay away as long as I did this time, I promise."

I don't know what came over me, but I reached out and pulled him into a tight hug. I needed to be near him in this moment. He finally leaned in and wrapped his arms around me, allowing himself to lean his head onto of my own. This felt wonderful… I could have sworn for a moment that it was only a dream.

"I'll miss you," I whispered.

"I'll miss you too, Bella."

When he released me, I felt myself almost tumble to the floor. I had let him hold me up, and now, I felt as if I could crumble. He walked down the front walk toward his car. Since I wasn't able to hold myself up yet, I leaned up against the door frame. He waved up at me and sped away.

I stood there for a while, not knowing what to do. I knew he was angry about my engagement and it hurt me that I had hurt him. My feelings turned to anger. I wanted to be happy and I knew that Jake could do that, why couldn't he just be happy for me. Why?!

I then felt myself slide down the doorframe, my body trembling as my body hit the floor. Reaching up to brush my hair out of my face, I felt the tears.

Edward's approval means so much, and the fact that he couldn't be happy for me hurt so badly. So, I cried. I couldn't help it. I knew he didn't ask me what I thought about him marrying Tanya, but it still hurt. I wanted him to know I was happy and that I was moving on, but something inside me told me that this was far from what he wanted… then I would have flashes of rage, wanting to yell at him for not getting this.

I finally got up enough power to take myself back inside the house. Curling up on the couch, I pulled the blanket off the back wrapped it around myself. Leaning my head back I closed my eyes, trying to push the image of my friend driving away from me from my mind, mostly the look in his eyes that were telling me that I was making the biggest mistake of my life.

**A Month Later…**

I was walking around the apartment looking for my appointment book when my cell phone started to ring.

I didn't have to look at the caller ID to know who was calling, I just flipped it open.

"Hey, Ally!"

"_Hey back at ya. I was wondering when you were going to be coming home to start planning this wedding of yours. I know you want to get married here, right?"_

I hadn't thought too much about it lately, but she was right. I wanted to get married in Forks. It was where my friends and Jake's family was.

"I do want to get married there, but I don't know how it will happen since I am so busy with work and so is Jake."

"_I talked to Jake about that actually…"_

It really started to worry me when Alice started to call and talk to Jake on a regular basis. It just seemed strange and I knew that Alice was up to no good when it came to that kind of stuff.

"What have you two been up to now?"

"_Nothing really, we just talked about how important it was for you and him to get married in Forks or La Push. Mostly were trying to figure out if having the wedding here was possible."_

"I doubt it will be possible though," I said sighing.

"_You never know, Bella…"_

I heard a beep and I pulled my phone away to see that it was the office calling me.

"I got to go, work calls. Call ya later, Ally."

"_See you soon, Bella."_

I switched over to the other line.

"_Hey, hey, Bella. It's BJ, I have some news for ya."_

Mr. Crane's assistant was just a hoot. We had become really good friends since I became an author and in turn had to be in constant contact with the boss.

"Hey, what's up?"

"_Mr. C wanted me to call you and talk to you about this wedding of yours."_

My wedding? Now I was officially confused.

"What about it?"

"_He said that you did so well while you were gone for your friend, Alice's wedding that he says that it is okay for you to take some time away from the office to get things ready for the wedding, and that means if you need to go back to Forks for a while to get it all done, so be it."_

This couldn't be happening to me. My boss was giving me the okay to work away from the office as long as I needed.

"What's the catch?" I couldn't help but ask.

"_No catch. Jake was talking to Mr. C about the fact that you both wanted to marry where you both grew up and he knew that you would want Alice's help so it would be easier for you to work from Forks instead of being in St. Louis. Mr. C thought it was a good idea since you did some quality stuff while you were there for Alice's nuptials. So… are you going to take him up on his offer?"_

The fact was that I worked very well while I was in Forks. I got more of my editing and necessary changes to my soon to be published novel done than I would normally do. Maybe it was the fact that I wasn't cooped up in the apartment all the time.

"Of course. I have so much to do and I couldn't do it without Alice…"

I paused for a second when I remembered what Alice's last words were to me… "Seen you soon, Bella."

"_What Bella?"_

"Nothing, BJ. Tell Mr. Crane that I said thank you so much, and tell that no good fiancé that he is the best."

"_Of course, Bells. Be sure to swing in to see me before you leave. I know that wedding is coming soon and I better get an invite too."_

"Yes, BJ, you are so going to be there. You're the best. Catch you soon."

"_Later, Bells."_

He hung up and I started to dance. I was going home again, but this time… I was going to be walking up the aisle to the wedding march along with all the people that cared about me. I was happy. I would be seeing Carlisle and Esme, Emmett and Rose, and of course one of my best friends and her husband. Then, the other name popped into my head… Edward.

I sat down at the table and sighed. Edward… I knew how upset he had been about everything, though he still claims to be okay with everything. Maybe I would find out for sure if Edward was okay when I got back, because I needed him to be okay with everything. He was my best friend, and I had a massive favor to ask him when I finally got back there.


	33. Chapter 32: The Mistress Of His Heart

Hello Everyone.

This is a chapter that many people have been waiting on. I hope that it lives up to your expectations. I had a lot of fun with this chapter too. I would like to also note that I used some stronger language that I normally use, I felt it would be appropriate to warn you before you began. If I offend anyone, I appologize.

To my lovely reviewers… you are so incredibly sweet and kinds. Life just hasn't given me time so I can reply back lately. I send my love to you and thank you for your continued interest in the story.

The Normal Stuff: The Twilight saga and its characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Support my fave authors and stories. Diffidently check out DID by dollegirl and No Regrets by RedChevy. They are totally awesome.

To my lovely ladies from the forum: halo, dolle, Red, pwtf, ECyesplease, FraA, Who, and the many others, thanks for listening to me all the time. You make my life so much fun and I am grateful to know such wonderful people. Hey, halo… I was discussing this with one our fellow twilighted ladies and we had a trading system going on… what happened to it?

CARLISLE'SDARKETERNALQUEEN, my Sweet Pea, and twilightgurl22, you are such good friends and I love you all.

I dedicate this chapter to all the reviewers that have come up with all the original ways that this chapter could have happened. I hope that I made it worth the wait.

On with the story…

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Chapter 32 The Mistress Of His Heart Song: Stay by Sugarland  
Reasoning: This song is sung from the point of view of a mistress… have you ever noticed that. I thought it was fitting since she wants Edward to stay.

* * *

Chapter 32: The Mistress Of His Heart

**A Month After Alice and Jasper's Wedding (February 2008)**

"Stay with me, baby."

I couldn't help but groan as I listened to his constant begging, which wasn't really a new thing. He always begged me to stay with him, not to go home. It was funny to me that he couldn't figure it out, he couldn't figure it out that I was using him. Didn't he know that he was standing in for the man that I wanted to love me in return? I stood from the bed and began to put my clothes back on.

"I don't want to hear it. I have to get home. Edward is waiting for me."

Edward… God, I love him. Honestly, I really didn't know why I do, but I do love him.

The problem is that Edward Cullen has never loved me and it was obvious that he never would. Why couldn't he love me like he loved her? He just can't love me like I love him… no, he had to fall in love with an absolute bitch… Bella. Just knowing he loves her would drive any woman to the brink of insanity, especially when the only thing you want is his love.

The moment that I realized that he was in love with her, I should have just left… made a clean break, but I couldn't, I loved him too much. I thought I could break his will, make him love me in return. It was stupidity on my part to think that he would love me and love me alone. How could I have ever known from the beginning that he loved someone else, and that he didn't even know it himself? Bella Swan would always be number one in his life, and it didn't matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I put out, he would always want her.

"Tanya…"

"I don't want to hear it. I'll see you when I can."

Storming out of my lover's apartment, I ran for my car and slammed the door behind me. Sighing, I turned the key and put the car in reverse and headed home to my fiancé.

While I drove I couldn't help but let my mind wander and think about how my life had come to this moment. How I came to know Edward, meeting his family… I thought I could have it all. The hot, sexy husband, the money, the prestige, but that was stupid. It was dumb to think I could have it all. I had no idea that there was a woman already dwelling deep within his heart.

To start off, his whole entire family hated me. Why? Because I wasn't their precious Bella, the one that they all dreamed of marrying Edward, so they had to make my life miserable… probably in hopes that I would leave, but not a chance. I wanted Edward too badly to give him up, especially to someone that was truly beneath my status. I knew I was better than her, and he deserved the best.

I couldn't help but smile about the day that I met Edward though… it was the best day of my life. He was tall, sexy as hell, and his eyes were all over me. What woman wouldn't want that?

_I was sitting on the tailgate of this truck. It was one of the many regular parties that took place up in Port Angeles, my hometown. All the local parties took place out in the surrounding forest and were hidden to keep them from being busted up by the police. I was dressed in a tight, formfitting blue halter top, and skin tight shorts. Many people called them Daisy Dukes, but I had no idea what that meant, they were just shorts to me. _

_There was a rumble in the distance, and it was then I saw him riding up on his motorcycle. Dressed in a black motorcycle t-shirt, tight jeans was Edward Cullen, though I didn't know him personally. I had heard of him. He had quite a reputation of being a womanizer, but I didn't care. He had a body that any woman would die for. I could only imagine how I would fit with him… how good of a lover he would be, and that I knew it was only a matter of time before he was mine._

_I continued to talk to the other guys at the party, many surrounding me where I sat, but my eyes were always looking for Edward. It was when I saw him talking to my younger sister, Irina that I knew it was time for me to go in for the kill. _

_I pushed the guys that had been talking to me away, and I walked toward him, swaying my hips as I walked. In Port Angeles, I was queen and I was treated like one too. The crowd parted as I walked toward him, all turning to watch me pass. _

_Irina was apparently shocked to see me standing behind Edward. Her eyes went wide as Edward turned to look at me, a drop dead sexy smirk upon his lips. Irina knew she was going to be forgotten by the god-like man, so she left without a word. She knew there was no point in staying especially since I was marking my territory and it would be best to leave or feel my wrath._

"_Hey," I said with a sexy tone._

"_Hello, beautiful. I was wondering when you were going to get enough nerve to come and talk to me."_

_His voice, oh, his voice, was like velvet, so soft and so sexy._

"_Well, I was wondering when you were going to come talk to me." Trying to sound alluring._

"_It looked like you had enough admirers so I figured I would let you come to me when you were ready…"_

_Oh, God, I was ready for him. I came closer, slipping my arm around his neck, and kissed him. His kiss was like nothing I had ever felt before. Maybe all the women he had been with had perfected his kissing ability. After a kiss like this, I had no intention of letting him go…_

Why couldn't it stay that way? Why did it have to get all complicated? Why couldn't it just be simple, not so complicated.

My relationship with Edward started in a whirlwind and continued well into the relationship. I loved the ride too. Everything about him amazed me, and I couldn't get enough of him either. I was right about him though, he was the best lover I had ever had, and I had my fair share of past ones.

However, I guess it wasn't meant to last…

It was a few months into our relationship that Edward told me that he wanted me to meet his family. It was after he had met my family. My family loved him, they knew that I would be well taken care of too. So when he told me that he wanted me to meet his family and best friend, I knew I was going up on display. The family would be checking me out to see if they though I was worthy of marrying him. I asked many questions about everyone, but he was always vague about the best friend. I couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with him. I knew my friends loved Edward, they loved partying with him and everything. It was just perfect… too perfect.

_It was nearing the end of summer, and I was finally driving down to Forks to meet Edward's family. I was excited, and nervous. In my mind, I was meeting my future in-laws. These were the people that would become my family so everything had to go perfectly. I couldn't make a mistake… I had to be the ideal girlfriend, no the perfect girlfriend._

_As I pulled into the drive, I noticed a lot of cars there, even an older model truck. It must belong to the best friend, because all the other vehicles shined with the appearance that their owners had money, and lots of it._

_I walked up to the front door, and knocked. I could hear someone coming toward the door. When Edward opened the door, he smiled and kissed me gently on the lips. We talked for a moment, before he took my hand and led me into the living room. I was met by seven pairs of eyes. I quickly realized who many of them were, and it was then that I laid eyes on his best friend… a woman, that I realized why he never mentioned much about her._

"_**Everyone, I would like to introduce to you Tanya Mason… my girlfriend."**_

_I was hoping to have a warm welcome, but everyone, including his parents, was in absolute shock. They were polite to me, yes, but I could tell that everyone was not happy, almost like they were unhappy about me being there. Mostly, I watched everyone's eyes shift to the woman that I came to know as Bella Swan. It was almost like they thought she was fragile and would break into a million pieces by seeing me with Edward. _

_It was then that Edward told the family of how we met, and I couldn't help but smile with pride as my boyfriend bragged on me. I continued to watch Bella though. Her eyes shined with hurt… _

_Oh my… she was in love with my boyfriend. _

_I couldn't help but internally laugh. There was no way in Hades that Edward would fall for someone like her. She was too plain, not slender and sexy like I was. She was pathetic in comparison to me, and she knew it too._

_Edward's sister-in-law, Rosalie, asked her if she was okay, and she just nodded. Of course she wasn't okay… I had broken her heart by seeing me with Edward. Poor baby. _

_She finally said that she had to go and I was happy to see her leave. I was going to have to do something about her, I didn't want Edward around her anymore. He was mine now, and I intended on keeping him. Bella Swan had to go._

_Edward then led me outside and we admired the sky. Lying in the yard, I let my hands travel across his chest, using my hands to rub circles on his stone-like chest. It was amazing. Totally amazing… just being with him was amazing._

_He later led me over to the edge of the property where we could see the stream that ran behind the house and I leaned in to kiss him ever so gently, his lips were like a passionate caress on my own. It was then that I saw Bella out of the corner of my eye. Her eyes went wide when she saw how passionately he was kissing me. I couldn't help but smile into the touch of his lips. She ran away without a word… So long, bitch._

I thought that would be the end of it. The bitch was gone and that I was going to have Edward all to myself. How wrong could I have been?

Bella had to make a dramatic exit from Forks and in turn put my Edward in a cranky mood. More than anything, it caused a change in him. He wasn't the same guy anymore. It was like he had a completely different personality.

During this time, I started staying over with him at his house and him at mine on many occasions. Many nights I could hear him mumbling in his sleep, but I couldn't tell what he was talking about, but one night, a night that I wanted him to moan my name, he did something I never expected. He said something that caused my heart to shatter into a million pieces…

_He was trailing kisses down my neck, his body pressed against mine. I then returned the favor by kissing a trail down his rock-hard abs, and I heard him groan a name…_

"_Bella…"_

To say I was angry… it wouldn't even cover it. He didn't even realize his mistake! Damn him and that stupid bitch.

From that moment I always listened to the things that he moaned while we were having sex, and each time in the heat of the moment, I could hear him say her name. It was never my name on his lips, but hers.

It was then that I started hearing her name while he slept. He would talk in his sleep and I would always hear her name. I couldn't get away from her. She was everywhere. That dumb witch was haunting my very existence and knowing that she had feelings for him enraged me even more.

So, when he asked me to marry him, I was overjoyed, even though I did think it was a little odd. I was thinking that maybe he realized that he couldn't have her since she was now with what's his name… Jacob Black. He proposed in the most romantic way and I couldn't have been happier. I was going to be Mrs. Edward Cullen and have all the prestige that came with it, but the mumbling didn't stop… it only got worse with time.

I asked myself many times why I had stayed with a man that didn't love me in return. It was obvious that he didn't love me, especially since the night after Alice and Jasper's wedding. While lying in bed with him that night, I heard him mumble a phrase, and it broke my heart.

"_I love you, Bella."_

As soon as he spoke those words, I knew. I knew that I was never going to be the love of his life, the woman of his dreams, the one that he wanted for all time, it would always be her. I was doomed to be the mistress of his heart. It would never me that he wanted, it would always be Bella. I was always going to be second best.

So, when he came home the following day, he announced that Bella was engaged to marry Jacob Black… I was ecstatic. She was going to be out of my life and I would have Edward all to myself. This would make him forget about her, I was sure of it.

I wasn't that lucky.

Not long after the announcement, he got into a habit of not touching me, he wouldn't even look at me anymore. He just pretended I didn't exist. He would work all the time, working late hours. If he did come home at all, he would hide out in that damn garage of his, and lock the doors so that no one would bother him.

My once great relationship with Edward was now a complete nightmare, but I had no intention of letting it go. I knew if I let Edward go, he would be jumping on a plane and off to declare some undying love for that mousy woman, and that was something I was never going to allow.

I don't loose. Ever. I was defiantly wasn't going to loose to someone so plain and not even in class with me.

So, I stayed, and I was going to marry him… no matter what. He was going to be sorry for not loving me back. I was going to make his life a living hell, forever. He was making me miserable, I would give it back to him ten fold. I couldn't help but realize how petty I sounded when I thought that though. It didn't matter; he deserves everything I can give him since he broke my heart completely.

I couldn't get past the fact that I did actually love Edward. Even with all his flaws, and he did have a fair share of them, I loved him. He was charming and kind, but it wasn't meant for me and I knew it, but I couldn't let her win. Bella Swan didn't deserve Edward… I did. I was the model like beauty and I deserved to have the handsome husband, the beautiful children, and the social status. Not her. It was never going to be Bella on his arm, not as long as I was drawing breath.

I finally pulled in the driveway at home, looking to see that all of Edward's family was gone, with the exception of Alice. She might be married, but she spent a lot of time around the house.

Slamming my car door, I stormed into the house throwing my stuff on the floor as I passed her while she stood in the kitchen.

"Bad day?" She yelled at me, obvious amusement in her voice.

"It's none of your damn business," I roared.

"You are in a bitchy mood. Are you still mad that my brother is starting to realize how stupid he was for asking you to marry him?"

I hated Alice. She was nosy, and she was always trying to talk Edward into dumping me. She hated me from the moment that Edward brought me home to meet everyone and she made no effort to hide the fact from anyone that would listen to her that she thought I was all wrong for her brother. She always told people that it was only a matter of time before Edward saw me for what I really was… a heartless bitch. The feeling was mutual.

"Screw you," I replied, glaring at her for a second, and I quickly started to storm away.

"Real mature, Tanya. So… how is Mike Newton? I know you have been getting together at his apartment a lot lately."

I stopped dead in my tracks. She knew about Mike. Damn.

A woman has needs…

So if Edward wasn't going to fulfill that part of our relationship, I knew there were plenty of men out there would be more than happy to fulfill them. So, the day after I heard Edward mumble 'I love you, Bella,' I went out the following night and found someone that wanted me in their bed.

_I was sitting in this bar, drinking one of my favorite drinks, dressed in a tight black dress and stilettos. _

"_Hey… you're Tanya Mason, right?"_

_I turned to see a man standing behind me. He wasn't Edward, he was far from being Edward, but he was hot in his own way. His hair was gelled into a mess, his blue eyes piercing through my personal gloom._

"_Do I know you?" I asked, trying to sound seductive._

"_You're engaged to Edward Cullen. Personally I don't know why you want him… he's not worth you time. The damn fool has always wanted Bella Swan though he is too stupid to realize it."_

_This guy had to know Edward pretty well to know that much about him… he knew him better than I did since I was just starting to realize all this myself._

"_How do you know Edward?"_

"_Went to high school with him. He actually almost broke my nose for almost kissing Bella back in grade school."_

_Lord… was he always in love with that stupid girl? _

"_Sounds like you don't like my fiancé very much then."_

"_I personally hate his guts. I wanted Bella and I couldn't get within a foot of her without him barking at me to get away from her. Now she is engaged to that guy from La Push. I never had a chance and it has always bugged me."_

"_I wish Bella Swan would drop off the face of the Earth," I grumbled, taking another drink from my glass._

"_Sounds like you hate Bella as much as I hate Cullen," he said with a smile as he sat down beside me on a barstool._

"_You can only imagine," I mumbled._

"_Why does a goddess like you take that crap from someone that doesn't deserve you?"_

_He was flirting with me… and I liked it._

"_I know what being Mrs. Cullen will offer me, that's why."_

"_Well, it looks like he treats you like crap… so why don't I show you how a goddess is supposed to be treated?"_

_I downed the rest of my drink and turned to smile at him… I knew this was the start of something great…_

So I was sleeping with the enemy, and now my future sister-in-law was in the know about it.

"I don't know what you are talking about," I lied.

"You are a horrible liar, Tanya. I saw you."

"You are mistaken, I don't even know who this Mike Newton person is."

She started to laugh. Her eyes were sparkling, along with an all-knowing look.

"That's funny. I just saw you leaving his apartment which happens to be right across the street from the grocery store just yesterday, and that kiss he planted on you wasn't a peck on the cheek either," she giggled

"You can't prove a damn thing."

"I see I have touched a nerve there," she smirked.

"Stay out of my business, Alice. You don't want to mess with me."

She started laughing again, leaning herself up against one of the kitchen counters.

"Tanya, if you think that my brother is stupid enough to fall for your games forever, then you got something coming. He is going to realize what you are and he is going to throw your pathetic butt out."

"He isn't going to find out because I don't intend on seeing Mike anymore. I want my fiancé not someone like Mike."

"Don't think that it will change anything. The deed has been done, Tanya. He is going to see you for the lying, conniving witch you are," she said as seriously as possible. "I wonder what Bella will do to you when she finds out what you have done to her best friend…"

When she mentioned her name, I snapped and I lunged for her. My only thought was to hurt her, but when I heard the clicking of shoes behind me that someone was in the house with us. The next thing I knew was that I was being grabbed from behind, restraining me from reaching Alice's small frame.

"What are you doing to her?!" The voice screamed.

I turned to see Rosalie's fierce eyes glaring at me. I quickly stopped struggling with her, and she quickly released me, only to walk over and stand beside Alice.

"It's none of your business."

I stormed off, leaving the two witches to talk about me behind my back. I didn't care… it wasn't anything that I wasn't used to. Running upstairs to the bedroom, I got into the shower and scrubbed my skin until I was sure I was clean. Mostly, I didn't want Edward to smell Mike's cologne on me, if he did I knew I was going to be out on the street.

I dried off and changed into a tank and sweatpants before I went back downstairs. When I reached the bottom of the stairs I could hear Alice and Rosalie going on about my affair with Mike, Rosalie having a laugh at my expense.

Out of curiosity I walked up to the doorway and listened for a moment. Leaning up against the wall, I could hear their whole conversation.

"She thinks she can fool Edward forever, she has something coming," laughed Rosalie.

"I know. I just wish my stupid brother would call Bella and tell her that he loves her. I know she wouldn't marry Jake if she knew that Edward loved her as much as he does," said Alice.

"Yeah, but you know your brother… as long as he seems to think that Tanya hasn't done anything too horrible he will stay with her."

"Rose, I wish he knew about Tanya and Mike. If he could find out about that and the fact that she has been staying with him for spite because she doesn't want Bella with him, he would have her out on her rear in nothing flat."

"She's not stupid enough to do anything to jeopardize what she has going here, Alice. She may be a witch, but she is sly like a fox. She knows that she has a good thing going here."

"I think the best part is that she is having an affair with Mike Newton? How pathetic?" Giggled Alice.

"I know. How low can you go," laughed Rosalie.

The sound of their laughter made me beyond angry, and I couldn't take it anymore.

"You two are absolute bitches!" I screamed, bursting into the room.

Both turned to look at me, not really reacting at all to my screams. They both just looked at me with indifference.

"You think you are all high and mighty and better than I am. You are so wrong. So, I knew that Edward mumbled Bella's name when he slept, or that every night he would say how much he loved Bella in his sleep, big deal. How about the fact that he couldn't even call out my name when we had sex, he had to call out the bitch's name. Yeah, maybe I am sleeping with Mike Newton but what do you expect since my fiancé won't look at me or touch me. So, you both can back the hell off and leave me and Edward alone…"

As I spoke, I could help but notice how their expressions were changing from indifference, to shock, to pure joy in a matter of seconds. Something inside me told me I had said too much.

Turning around I saw the last person that I wanted to be standing behind me… Edward.

The way he looked at me sucked the breath from my body… his eyes were cold and full of pure fury, and his presence terrified me. His body was stiff and unmoving, like he was ready to commit an act of murder and the person he wanted to kill was me.

"Edward… I can explain…" I stared.

"You bitch!" He stared, his eyes afire with rage.

"Edward…" I said, walking toward him.

"No… no," he said, backing away from me.

"Edward they were talking about me, I was…"

"Stop it! I don't want to hear anymore of your lies, Tanya!" He yelled.

"Edward, they made it all up…"

He put his hand in front of my face, motioning me to shut up.

"Is it true, Alice… Rose?" He asked.

"I don't know about the mumbling part, but I saw her coming out of Newton's apartment a couple of days ago," stated Alice with a smile.

Alice loved this. It was her dream come true.

His eyes came back to meet mine, the only thing I could see was pure and adulterated anger.

"Get the hell out of my house," he said, completely monotone.

"Edward… I love you," I said.

"I don't give a damn, you crazy bitch. Get out of my house!"

He stormed from the room, and I ran after him. He was up the stairs and in the bedroom within a few seconds. As I came into the room, I saw him sling open the closet door and he began to pull all of my clothes from the closet and started to throw them across the room.

"Edward, no… stop," I begged.

He turned to me, just glaring at me.

"You make me sick, Tanya. You knew I loved Bella, but you didn't want to loose did you? You didn't want someone that you thought was below you to have me… guess what, you will never be the woman that Bella is, and you will never have me. You are dead to me. You are pathetic and you don't deserve my kindness or my sympathy. I thought you were a nice person at first, but I should have realized from the moment that you told me that you didn't like Bella that there was something wrong, but no, I gave you the benefit of the doubt. You knew I loved her, and you kept quiet so you could get what you thought you deserved. Tanya you will never be my wife, I don't care if I never get Bella, I will not marry anyone but her."

Before I could even react, he reached for my hand and pulled the ring from my finger, and he turned toward the bathroom. I tried to rush after him, to stop whatever he had planned, but he just pushed me back into the bedroom. I watched as he threw my engagement ring into the toilet and he reached for the lever. I heard it flush and I rushed in to see my ring swirling inside the bowl as it finally went from sight.

"Edward, No!" I screamed.

"We're through, Tanya. Get out of my house, away from my family, and out of my life."

By now, the tears were tumbling down in long streams, I couldn't loose. Not to Bella Swan. I just couldn't.

"Edward, I love you. You deserve more than that mousy woman. She's engaged to another man! You can't even have her. I can make you happy, Edward, I know I can."

He looked at me for a moment before he headed back to the closet and started throwing clothes again. I tried to grab some of my clothes and put them back in the closet, but he grabbed me by the shoulders holding me in place so that he could glare into my eyes yet again.

"How many ways do I have to tell you that I hate you to get you to leave me alone?"

"You don't hate me," I sobbed.

"I don't love you, Tanya, I never did. I didn't know what love was. Now I do and I have no intention of living without it anymore."

His words registered immediately. He was intending on going after Bella.

"She's engaged, Edward."

"She's not married yet, so I still have a chance."

"Please, Edward," I begged.

He released me again and went over to the dresser to begin throwing more of my clothes into the pile on the floor. When I finally reached his side, I was so tired from sobbing and crying that I collapsed onto the floor, reaching for his pant leg, I sobbed into the material.

"Have some dignity, Tanya. Begging doesn't fit you," he stated, his voice cold.

"I won't give up on us, Edward. I love you too much."

"It doesn't matter how much you cry or beg or plead with me, Tanya. We are done. You can either pick your stuff up and walk out of here with some dignity or I will toss it out of this house and slam the door in your face. It's your choice."

I couldn't believe how cold he was being to me. He had to know I cared about him. He just had to.

"No, Edward, we are meant to be together. I knew it from the moment that we kissed the first time at that party…"

At the mention of our first kiss, he shuttered. The thought of kissing me disgusted him.

"Oh, Lord, I had sex with you. I had sex with a cold, calculating bitch that thought of nothing but her own interests. I was a fool to let Bella go all those years ago…" He mumbled.

"What?" I asked.

"You never knew that Bella told me years ago that she loved me did you? She did, and I was stupid enough to tell her that I wanted us to stay friends. I am going to fix the mistake that I made though, I don't intend on going through my life without her anymore. Now, get of my house and leave me alone."

He started to leave me in a heap on the floor, but I went after him.

"Edward…" I continued to cry as I held onto his arm.

"Go back to Newton's bed. I bet he misses you. Tell him I said he can have you."

I wouldn't release him, not yet, I couldn't lose. I wasn't going to give up.

He finally got out of my grip and crossed the room. He reached the window, pushed it up, quickly gathered up my clothes, and started to throw them out the window.

"Edward! My clothes!" I screamed.

He continued to throw out stuff till everything was scattered across the yard.

"There… your stuff is outside now, go gather it up and run home to mom or to Newton. I don't care," he said, throwing his hands up. "I wash my hands of you, Tanya Mason. Good bye and good riddance."

He stormed from the room and I could hear every one of his footsteps on the stairs and the door slam behind him. Then I heard his motorcycle roar to life and within minutes I could hear it roaring off into the distance.

I stood there for a moment and then collapsed onto the floor. I lost… I lost him.

"See Tanya, you're cold and calculating ways cost you everything that you held dear."

Turning to the doorway, stood Rosalie with a smile. I could hear the rest of the family coming in asking what was going on and Alice telling them about my downfall.

"I am not giving up, Rosalie Cullen. I will be back in this house and Edward's bed. Bella will not take him back."

"I don't think you heard my brother, Tanya. If he can't have Bella there will be no one."

She turned and left me alone in the floor, a sobbing mess. I continued to cry and sob for what felt like hours. I couldn't believe that this had happened to me.

I finally picked myself up off the floor and looked around the room for a moment and it was then I went on rampage through the room and threw everything that I could find that wasn't attached to something. By the time I was done, you couldn't recognize the room. He deserved the mess after doing this to me.

Turning off the light, I shut the door and descended the stairs and I was met by the eyes of the entire Cullen family, Edward's father standing in front of the door.

"I want your key to this house, Tanya," he said coolly.

I picked up my keys and took the key off the ring and placed it in his hand. He clasped it in his hand as soon as it touched his skin.

"You have darkened our lives for far too long, good bye Tanya," he said while he moved from in front of the doorway to let me pass.

I turned to see the eyes of Edward's family to be full of happiness and joy. They were happy to see me go, but I was at the point that it didn't matter to me anymore. I would figure away out of this… I would be back and they would be sorry for making a fool of Tanya Mason. That much I was sure of.

I went outside and grabbed all of my clothes that I could find and put them in the trunk of my car and some in the backseat. I watched as Alice and Jasper slipped outside and watched me. They were enjoying this too much. I glared up at them before I got behind the wheel of my car.

Looking up at the Cullen mansion one last time, I frowned as I turned the key and backed out of the driveway. I didn't look back though, but I knew that I was going to find a way back into this house someway… because there had to be a way. I just hadn't figured it out yet.


	34. Chapter 33: Revelations

Greetings!

Here is the latest installment of our story. Yay! Tanya is gone. I know you guys are happy to see her go, you don't know how happy I am to see her gone. I will say that she will return someday… maybe in a sequel, who knows.

I also wanted to make a note that while I was working on this chapter and working through some plot issues I realized that I made a typo back when I dated the chapters. We are now in February 2008. Alice and Jasper's wedding took place in January 2008. I wanted to make sure that was clear. Sorry if that caused any confusion.

I am shouting out to all my lovely reviewers… you know who you are. You are truly wonderful and I love you all so much. It is people like you that keep me inspired to work.

The Normal Stuff: The Twilight series and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Check out and support the authors and stories on my fave list and be sure to check out DID by dollegirl and No Regrets by RedChevy.

To the ladies of twilighted… love you all. Halo, FraA, ECyesplease, Red, Dolle, pwtf, who, and everyone else…. Thank you for being so nice and hanging in there with me. And yes, Dolle, we are getting closer to the lake. Oh, and Red has claim on Jasper in this chapter… you will see why. It is my thank you gift to her for helping me with some editing for this chapter. You are a goddess, Red. (See I told you that I would tell all of our friends.)

To the Three Amigas… love you all more than you know. To my sister from another mother and another father… twilightgurl22, you are the best sister ever and thank you for completing my life… you know what I am talking about.

Also, this is likely to be the last post before the Twilight movie opens… but I promise to have one up soon after.

Now… on with the story.

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Chapter 33 Revelations Song: Iris by Goo Goo Dolls  
Reasoning: I really don't have a reason for this one. I think it's the closest thing I could find to fitting with the chapter, so I hope it does. I have good songs for the coming chapters. Promise.

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Chapter 33: Revelations

**A Month After Bella Announced Her Engagement (February 2008)**

This past month has been an absolute nightmare, one that I wanted nothing more than to wake up from. Since Bella uttered those words, words that told me that I had lost her before I even had a chance to try, were eating my very soul alive. Why couldn't I figure it all out before it was too late? Why hadn't I seen what a true angel she was?

Since the engagement, I have been sad, no more like depressed. I tried not to let it get to me, but I have never been one to work well with my feelings. So what did I decide to do? I continued to hide my breaking heart the best way I knew possible. I worked, a lot. If I wasn't working, I kept myself out of sight. I didn't want my family to pity me, it was something that I could bare. I knew they would understand, but that wasn't what I wanted or needed from them. What I wanted and needed was Bella and that was now something that was completely unattainable.

I couldn't help but think back to the first week after Bella told me she was marrying Jacob. I was beyond the reach of anyone. I drew in all of my feelings, not wanting to let them show, and I wanted nothing more than to drown myself so the hurt would go away, even if it was just for a moment. So, after work, I would spend the majority of my nights in The Casino. Even that bar couldn't keep me from thinking about her… I could hear her beautiful voice. It was like I couldn't go anywhere without her being there, and its hard to believe that it took me four years of missing her, to realize that she was the one thing in my life that made me complete, a whole person.

Though Bella haunted my thoughts while I was there, The Casino became a home away from home, a place where I could hide from both my family and my fiancé, whom has been acting a little strange actually. I came to know the bartender that was there the night that Bella sang, to be named Travis, and he was a pretty interesting guy to talk to. The thing I liked most about him was that he was good about keeping the beers coming.

Things went like this for a week, but it was when Alice came to the bar that I realized that I couldn't keep going like I was.

"_Hey, Edward… the usual?" Yelled Travis from the other end of the bar._

_I nodded and headed toward my stool at the end of the bar. Travis brought a beer down and sat it in front of me._

"_You know you are going to have to get past this." He stated, crossing his arms across his chest._

"_Not yet. I'm not ready to."_

"_I am guessing that the girl that you are mourning is the one that was singing the first time I saw you in here."_

"_You remember?" I asked, shocked that he could actually remember Bella. _

"_There aren't that many beautiful women that come in here and sing. It's normally those ugly drunks… that you wish you could forget."_

_Sighing, I took a drink. I watched as he walked down to take care of a woman in search of another cocktail._

"_Edward…"_

_Turning, I was met by Alice. Groaning, I turned away and took another drink from the bottle._

"_Edward, what are you doing?"_

"_I think its pretty clear, Ally."_

_She sat down beside me. The next thing I knew Travis was wondering if she wanted a drink._

"_No thanks, I think my brother has it covered," her tone showed how truly annoyed she was with me._

_Travis met my gaze and left us alone. I tried to ignore her… pretend she wasn't there. She was here to tell me that it wasn't too late. My sister didn't want it to be too late for me and Bella, I wanted the same thing, but I was being realistic. She thought I still had a chance to tell Bella how I feel, to win her heart back, but I couldn't bring myself to do that. Bella accepted Jacob Black's proposal so it was clear that she loved him… right? _

"_Edward, Bella loves you. Why can't you just tell her?" Alice started._

"_If she loves me, she wouldn't have accepted Black's marriage proposal."_

"_She doesn't know that you love her… if she knew she wouldn't even be with Jake right now, she would be here with you."_

_That would be wonderful… to have my Bella with me. To come home to her, to see her smile, to have her curl up against my chest with a book, me running my fingers through her hair. The best thing would be to pull her into bed and kiss her, to make love to her. That would be a blessing… one that would never come to pass._

"_It doesn't matter, Alice. What's done is done… let it go."_

_She grabbed me, and spun me around to face her. When the pixie got mad, she could do some damage, that's for sure._

"_Edward Anthony! You are a damn fool if you let this go. Bella might not be here now, but she would be if you would swallow your damn pride and tell her. You and your noble ways… you can't tell the girl you love her because she is now engaged, well remember you are too."_

"_I can't forget that… I am doomed to that one forever…" I mumbled._

"_Why?!" She exclaimed. "You can't tell me that you are still going to marry her!"_

_Why not? I knew I wouldn't love anyone but Bella… ever, and I was already engaged to Tanya. She hadn't given me a reason to break the engagement except that she was a complete and total bitch all the time. It doesn't matter anyway. I would just live with the sadness… that is what is meant for a person like me, pure sadness._

"_Edward… drowning yourself in a bottle isn't the answer… Have you even called her? She asked me the other day if you were okay, if you were going to call her. She is starting to think something is wrong with you." _

"_She doesn't need me, she has Jake and she has no reason to worry about me. I'll be fine."_

"_Damn it, Edward, she needs you. You are her rock. The entire time she has been gone she has done nothing but miss you and she still does. You are not going to continue to do this to yourself or to Bella. You might choose to do nothing about your feelings, but you are not going to forget that she was your friend first and you are going to treat her as such. She deserves that much from you."_

_She grabbed the beer bottle from my hand and chucked it across the bar, the glass shattering when it slammed against the wall. Everyone in the bar turned to stare… surprised that a woman of Alice's size could cause such a ruckus. _

_I grabbed her hand and dragged her from the bar. When we were finally outside, I spun her around to look at her. Her eyes were ablaze with fury, her body trembling with anger._

"_Edward, don't do this… Please…" She pleaded._

"_Alice…"_

"_Edward, you are better than this. Drinking all the time, being with someone you don't love, loving a woman that you won't tell, this is completely ridiculous."_

_I knew she was right. Everything in my being told me she was, but I couldn't get past this. I had lost the woman of my dreams, the only one that would truly have my heart. It was just too much for me._

"_I can't do this without her, Alice," I mumbled, dropping my head in defeat._

"_Then don't… tell her," replied my sister, her voice soft._

"_What if she tells me to leave her alone after I do?" I asked._

"_She can't live without you either, Edward. Have faith in her."_

_She walked toward me and pulled me into a hug. Wrapping my arms around my sister, I realized she was right. That I couldn't keep doing this, something had to change._

And something did change. I realized that drinking every night was going to get me nowhere and that I couldn't hide from Bella forever either, especially with her calling Alice everyday wondering about me.

So the drinking stopped, and I finally broke down and called her. Hearing her voice was music to my ears. I would love to listen to her all the time, she talked about work and things that she had to do, and I told her about work, and some of the things that I did during my days. It was nice just getting to hear her musical laughter on the other end of the phone.

I did continue to work a lot of hours at the shop, and when I got home I spent my time at the piano. I kept playing with the piece that I started to work on as soon as I realized I loved Bella, and it kept growing into something that was wonderful, a true expression of my love for her. Maybe one day I would play it for her, not letting her know I wrote it for her of course.

**Moments After The Fight With Tanya… **

Storming from the room, I left Tanya squalling on the floor, to quickly descend the stairs and head for the door. I could see Alice and Rosalie watching me from the hall, but I didn't even respond to them. I didn't have the energy to talk to them now. There was too much going through my mind to even speak.

Throwing open the front door, it slammed as I headed toward my bike. My head was pulsing with so many raw emotions… hatred, anger, frustration, and mostly confusion. I never thought that this would happen. I never thought that Tanya would stoop to something so low. To hide the fact that she knew I was in love with Bella all this time, it was unforgiveable.

Kicking my bike to life, it rumbled beneath me, as I took off from the house. I couldn't help but hope that the speed would take away all the thoughts and feelings that I was going through, but I wasn't that lucky. I couldn't get over being so dumb to the fact that she knew this. No wonder she scorned Bella all the time.

I didn't know that I talked in my sleep either. No one in the family ever mentioned it before, but maybe I do. Thinking about it, I must have been doing this for a while to push Tanya to the extremes that she went to. I could only imagine how I would feel if the person that I cared for was muttering another person's name while they were sleeping.

My next thoughts went to me calling out Bella's name while I was having sex with her… it wasn't something I was aware of but maybe my subconscious was desiring Bella before my consciousness was. I knew that many of my dreams lately had been of making love to Bella, but it was hard to believe that I had been doing that.

The part that enraged me to no end was Mike Newton. Damn him. He was still mad that I didn't let him get close to Bella back in high school. I saw him on an occasion around town and he would constantly glare at me like I taking up space that he wanted. So I guess he thought that fucking my fiancé would be getting me back. How wrong could a guy be? From the moment that I realized that I wanted Bella, Tanya meant nothing to me and was nothing but a royal pain in my butt… I just didn't figure that she would be stupid enough to find a lover in Forks, especially a guy that I went to high school with.

So by me finding out the truth about my ex-fiancé I quickly came to some massive conclusions. As I flung her clothes out the window, I knew that I was free of her forever and that I needed to figure out what to do about Bella. She was the only woman that I would ever want and I knew I couldn't live without her, not anymore. Alice always told me how Bella saw me as her rock, I realized that maybe Bella was my rock, the center of my universe, my everything. I couldn't do this without her in my life. I had to get Bella back.

I drove until I reached the field that I took her to back in high school, and I walked out through the tall grass, and I eventually found a spot too far from the road, and I laid down and stared up to the sky, and I watched as the sun set onto the horizon and I continued to think about everything and how my life was now changed forever, mostly by a brown eyed woman that had captured my very soul.

It was not long after the sun had set and the stars shone down on me, that I began to walk back to my bike, to kick it to life again to ride some more. Riding, I felt free for a moment, letting my emotions fly, like I was, across the pavement. I drove until I pulled up along side a lake and I pulled into the lot. Getting off I walked down to the dock and sat down at the end, letting my feet hang over the side. I watched the lights, of the cabins that surrounded the water, twinkle in the distance and I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to have Bella with me… to have a home of our own, a life together like all of those people.

To have that would be heaven. I just had to figure out how I could get her to see how much I loved her and it was going to be a challenge especially with how I handled her declaration years ago. I hurt her so badly, and she turned to Jacob Black for comfort and now she was engaged to marry him. Why would she want a guy that hurt her so much when she could have a guy like Black to give her everything she could ever want? What could I give her really? Nothing… the only thing I had to give was my undying love for her, but would she want that? Would that be enough?

I don't know what time I got to the lake, but when I looked down on to my watch it was well after two in the morning. I needed to be going home, but the thought of going to that place that caused me so much grief today wasn't appealing so I thought about it for a moment. Yawning a little, I decided that I needed to find someplace to go, since it wouldn't be a good idea to be found sleeping on a dock.

My bike started easily and I rode for an hour back to Forks when I thought of a place that I could go. I drove quietly down the sleepy streets until I pulled up in front of an older two story house with a large screened in porch. Pulling into the drive, I turned off the bike, stepping off before I looked up at the house, the many windows dark. Walking up the sidewalk, I pulled open the door to the porch, slipping my shoes off by the interior door.

I then reached up and knocked on the door. Looking at my watch, I knew it was well after three in the morning, hopefully I wouldn't be killed for doing this. I didn't hear anything, so I knocked again, and it was then that I heard someone coming down the stairs toward the door. The door pulled open and just beyond it stood my brother-in-law.

He was barely awake standing in the door with just his boxers and his hair a mess from being suddenly woken from his sleep.

"Edward?" He asked with a yawn.

"I need a place to crash."

He didn't say another word but just stepped out of the way and let me inside. I followed him from the foyer, past the living room, to one of the extra bedrooms that were just down the hall from the kitchen. He pushed open the door. It was decorated to Alice's normal standards, not that it mattered to me. It was just a place to sleep to me.

"See you in the morning, bro," grumbled Jasper as he left me.

I heard him climbing the stairs and shut his bedroom door behind him as I pulled off my clothes. Pulling back the covers, I crawled between the sheets, closing my eyes, wishing for a peaceful slumber. Within moments… sleep over came me.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

When I woke up in the morning, I could see the sun was shining outside, since there was a slight stream of light reflecting off the wall across the room. Rolling over I saw it was a little after eight, so I crawled out, pulling on my clothes before I left and went toward the kitchen. I knew Jasper had already left for the day since he had to be at work by eight, but I knew that Alice was home since she was still taking classes at the local college and it was one of those days that she didn't have class.

When I got to the kitchen, I noticed that the coffee pot was still on so I shuffled over to the counter and poured myself a cup... As I pulled it to my lips, I saw Alice sitting outside on the porch along with another person. Pushing the door open, Alice and her guest turned to look at me, and it shouldn't have surprised me at all to see that Alice's guest was none other than our mother.

"Good morning, Edward," smiled Alice.

"Morning," I grumbled as I sat down in the chair across from my mother.

"Alice, I would like to talk to Edward for a moment."

The only thing I could do was drop my eyes. The tone in her voice was one that I recognized immediately and I knew it was one of disappointment. There were quite a few reasons that she could be disappointed in me too… the reasons being how I ended things with Tanya, and how I treated Bella.

To be completely honest with myself, I really didn't care how I treated Tanya, but how I treated Bella was something completely different. Bella is an angel, and is the shining star in my once dark universe. She is everything to me and more, and I knew it hurt my mother to know that I broke her heart all those years ago. Now it was coming back to bite me.

"I'll be inside," whispered Alice as she stood and went inside the house.

The silence that enveloped the moment was deafening, and I could feel the air tensing by the second. I waited for her to use that stern voice of my childhood, but it wasn't the voice that I heard.

"Edward…"

Finally finding some courage, I raised my eyes and I was met with her soft eyes. Not eyes of anger, but sorrow and hope.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

Confusion flooded my mind. Why wasn't she yelling at me? Why wasn't she telling me that I was dumb for letting this go on so long or how dumb I was to let Bella go? She wasn't going to be this nice to me, was she?

"I guess that depends on your definition of okay, Mom."

She patted the seat next to her and I walked over with my cup of coffee and sat down beside her. She slowly wrapped her arm around me and I leaned my head down on her strong shoulder.

"Edward, do you remember that conversation we had about Bella at the beginning of your senior year of high school?"

"The one in which you told me to be careful or one day I would lose her, yeah, I remember it," I mumbled as I stared down.

"Edward, I could be yelling at you about how horrible you were to Tanya and how unfair you were to her because you never loved her back, but that isn't going to help anything now. Tanya didn't love you either Edward, even though she still, right up to the moment she left the house, she thought she did. None of that stuff matters now. What matters is that you have seen the light, and learned what love truly is."

I looked up to see her eyes shimmering on the brink of tears, and was mesmerized by my mother's grace and courage too, while she spoke these words to me.

"You love her, Edward. You have always loved Bella. The love that friends share is something rare, and it changes over time. It never stays exactly the same, but it's always there. You weren't in love with her when you were a boy, but you loved her still. It took you growing up to know what true love is and that Bella is the other half you, the only one to make you whole."

"I know, Mom. She is everything I could ever hope for and more… I just don't know what I can do to fix this," I whispered.

"Oh, Edward… you still have time, you just have to figure out what you can do to show her how much you care."

Standing, I walked out into the yard some, dragging my feet some, thinking as I went. Turning around I looked back to my mother, who was watching me closely.

"How do I do this? I told her that I didn't want to be anything but friend and now I want to turn everything around and tell her I love her. This isn't fair to her. I can't ruin her happiness, Mom."

"Edward, you will ruin her life if you are not honest with her about your feelings. She deserves to know that you love her. Yeah, she may not come back to you, but she deserves to know that you love her."

"How do you tell someone… 'Oh, by the way, I just realized after I saw you dancing with your then boyfriend I realized that I can't live without you. Leave him and be with me,'" my voice dripping with sarcasm.

"You can't tell her like that, Edward. You know her. Edward…" she paused for a moment and then continued. "You are a part of her and she is part of you. That is what love is. You become part of one another, and though you never acted on it, the both of you have always been one person when you were together. There were never two people, but one."

I said nothing for a moment, thinking about what she had said to me, wondering if she was right. Were all the answers to my problems inside of me, and was it only a matter of time before I figured it all out on my own?

"Take your time, honey. You will know what to do when the time is right. Have faith. I do. I have faith that everything between you two will end up like it's supposed to. In my mind, you two are destined for each other."

She stood and wrapped me in a hug. The security I had in my mother's arms never changed, though I have grown into a man, I still needed her at times. I was blessed with a truly amazing mother and one that had more faith in me than I really deserved.

Watching her go into the house, I walked out into my sister's backyard, looking around at all the flowers that she had planted. Strolling around, I let my mind process all of my mother's words, struggling to come up with something that would help me with my situation with Bella. It was in that moment, that I made my decision of what I had to do.

When I heard the door open, I saw Alice walking toward me. I stopped beneath a large tree, staring up between the branches and leaves, and I could hear her when she was finally standing beside me.

"So?"

"I'm going to fight for her," my voice firm with determination.

Turning my eyes to Alice, I saw her smug smile. I couldn't help but smile myself, knowing that I was finally ready to fight for the one that I loved.

"I'm glad that you are. You two deserve to be happy, and I think you both would be truly happy together."

"Do you think it will work out?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Of course, Edward, its called destiny," she said with a smile.

Her words gave me hope. Something I hadn't felt in so long, something that I had almost forgotten. She believed that I could do this, she thought I could show the woman of my dreams that I truly cared and that I could make her happy. The whole moment made me feel good. That was something that I hadn't felt in a really long time.

**A Week Later… March 2008**

"Hey! Don't drop that!" I yelled while Emmett and Jasper were carrying up my new bed.

When I got home to find my room destroyed I figured it was for the best since I really didn't want any reminders of Tanya Mason around. She was a part of my past and I was ready to move forward with my life, a life that didn't include Tanya, but a life in which I was fighting for true love.

"You could be helping us you know," muttered my brother as he finally came into my room, Jasper not far behind him.

My room had been cleaned from top to bottom, and everything that had been in there was thrown out. I wanted a new start for my new life. One thing I did learn though was that painting wasn't my brother's strong point. I think he ended up with more paint on him than on the walls. Now, they were helping me move in my new furniture.

They finally set down the bed, which was the last part of the furniture, and now it was up to me to get everything put back into place. Pulling out some tools, I started to put together some parts that couldn't come into the room assembled. Emmett and Jasper sat down on the floor, leaning up against one of the walls.

"You better get this stuff together soon, or Bella is going to be making fun of the mess," chuckled Jasper.

Glancing over to look at them, I was looking to see if he was joking. It didn't take me long to know he was telling the truth.

"What?"

"Bella is coming back to Forks, she supposed to be here in a week. Alice told me yesterday that her boss gave her some time away so she could plan for the wedding. She wants to get married in Forks, and she wanted Rose and Ally to help her, so it would be reasonable for her to be here while planning."

Bella was coming home?

The thought of Bella's return caused a rush of emotions to flood my mind. I couldn't wait to see her. My memory of her eyes, her hair, even her smile couldn't compare with the real thing. Everything about her made my heart flutter. Next, my mind turned to worry. Was Jacob coming with her? How was I going to act now that Tanya wasn't an issue anymore? What was I going to do to let Bella know how much I care about her?

Groaning, I dropped the tools that I had been holding to the floor, and brought my hands up to cover my face to hide the fact that I was now overwhelmed with emotion.

"Edward, don't freak out… it will all work out," started Emmett.

"I'm not so sure."

"You love her, right?"

Looking at Emmett, I wanted to throw something at him for asking such a stupid question.

"Yes, Emmett, I love her. More than I should."

"Okay, then… she is coming back in a week and from what Rose told me she is planning on getting married in late May or early June, so you have a few months to tell her, make her see that you are the one for her."

I knew he was right but that didn't make me feel any better. I had a lot to make up for. I had hurt her so much, and now I had to show her that I was wrong for pushing her away, for making her run away from Forks, and away from me all those years ago, and mostly that Jacob Black won't make her happy, I would.

"Emmett… Jazz, can I talk to Edward please?"

We all turned to see Alice standing in the doorway. Both stood and left the room as Alice came inside and shut the door behind her. She came over and sat down on the floor and picked up the tools that I had dropped and started to help assemble parts of my new dresser. I was silent, waiting for her to speak, waiting for her to impart her normal wisdom on me.

"So?" I started.

"Edward, you can't freak out because Bella is coming back, you only have a matter of time to fix this. Bella is getting married the last week of May. You have almost four months to make her see that she is marrying the wrong man."

"I know."

"Knowing that you have to do this isn't going to get Bella back. What are you going to do?!" She said, apparently frustrated with me.

"I don't know!" I yelled, standing up.

I began to pace back and forth. I couldn't help it. Knowing that I had to do something great to prove myself was something I wasn't used to doing. Women normally fell at my feet, I didn't have to do anything to get them. Knowing that I had to do something or I would be losing the love of my life forever was something that was hard for me to deal with. I never had this much pressure on me to do something right.

"It's not hard to figure out what you need to do. Just think," she replied, her voice softening.

"I can't be myself, Ally. I am a jerk so I have to be something else…"

"No, be yourself. Edward, you play this game with people to make them think you are something you are not. You are that sweet guy and you do have a heart so why don't you let Bella see that person. Not the bad boy. Bella has always known you were a good person or she wouldn't have put up with you for so long."

Sighing, I leaned up against the window sill and stared out into the yard.

"What if she doesn't love me anymore, Alice? I don't know if I can live without her."

She stood and walked over to stand in front of me.

"I'm your sister, and I love you, and I love Bella. I wouldn't tell you to fight for something that wasn't there. She cares for Jacob, but I don't think she has ever truly loved him. Even Kat says this. Bella wants to be safe, she put her heart out there and now she doesn't want to be hurt again. She wants that guy that she is sure will be there when she comes home, one that will love her unconditionally, and be her partner in life. Can you be that?"

I knew the answer to that. Yes, I could be that. I loved Bella. I wanted her and her alone. I looked at my sister and smiled back to her. She knew my answer.

"Okay, stop longing for her. It's time for you to be the vulnerable one and lay your heart out there and see if she will love you back."

I pulled her into a hug. Alice laid her head on my shoulder for a moment before she looked up to meet my eyes.

"Good luck, Edward. You deserve this."

She stood on her tip toes and kissed my cheek before she left me alone. I turned to stare outside. My parents were outside along with Emmett, Rose, and Jasper… Alice soon joined them. They were happy.

I couldn't help my thoughts from going into a daydream… one in which Bella and I would join them. I could see a wedding ring on her finger, her eyes looking up with adoration at me. It would be a perfect moment… one I wanted to come true.

I longed for this, and now my chance to fix it all was fast approaching. My angel was coming home. I was going to be in her presence yet again and now knowing this… I was scared. Scared of what was come. The fact was I had to prove everything to her. I had less than four months to tell her that I loved her and change my fantasies into reality.


	35. 34: Familiar and Unfamiliar Territory

Greetings!

Here is the latest installment of our story. We are on the verge of some good stuff so hang in there with me… I promise some very moving and WET events.

I am shouting out to all my lovely reviewers… you know who you are. You are truly wonderful and I love you all so much. It is people like you that keep me inspired to work. Please keep them coming... they are so nice and I really do read them all and enjoy them.

The Normal Stuff: The Twilight series and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Check out and support the authors and stories on my fave list and be sure to check out DID by dollegirl and No Regrets by RedChevy.

To the ladies of twilighted… love you all. Halo, FraA, ECyesplease, Red, Dolle, pwtf, who, and everyone else…. Thank you for being so nice and hanging in there with me. A special thanks to Red, for looking the chapter over for me after I proofed it a couple of times. You rock… really!

To the Three Amigas… love you all more than you know. To my sister from another mother and another father… twilightgurl22, you are the best sister ever and I can't wait to visit and meet your husband this time.

Now… on with the story.

* * *

Chapter 34 Familiar and Unfamiliar Territory Song: All I Really Want – Alanis Morissette  
Reasoning: Well, this is the song I heard Bella listening to while she is driving home to Forks… angry chick music is what I personally love to listen to when I drive, so I am just letting Bella live like I would.

* * *

Chapter 34: Familiar and Unfamiliar Territory

**March 2008**

Stumbling through the apartment, I was grabbing things as quickly as I could. I had a meeting with Mr. Crane before I left St. Louis for Forks, and I still had tons of things to do, mostly packing stuff for the trip. Rummaging around on my desk, I finally found the manuscripts that I needed, along with all my notes for my new book. I quickly reached for my keys, as I ran for the door.

Locking up behind myself, I ran down the stairs since it would take way too long for the elevator. I was really thankful for living somewhat close to the office, especially in moments like these. Driving in St. Louis wasn't my thing so I would just have to catch a cab to make it in time. Pulling out my cell phone, I quickly dialed the office.

"_Hello… Smith Publishing, how may I direct your call?"_

"Yes, I need to speak with BJ Harrison please. It's Bella Swan."

"_One moment please."_

While someone was connecting my call to BJ, I walked out to the street and hailed a cab. Listening to that corny music, I waited for what felt like forever, but couldn't have been more than a few seconds, when I heard a click letting me know my call had been connected.

"_Hey, Bells. What's going on?"_

"Can you cover for me with Mr. C? I am running behind and I will be there in ten minutes."

"_Sure thing, actually I will send in Krista. I'll tell her to cover for ya."_

"You are so awesome, tell her thanks. Be there in a few."

Hanging up I was thankful for having such an awesome editor. Krista Ryan was an up and coming editor and Mr. Crane put us together so that we could bounce ideas around. He also thought that, since we were both new to the business, it would allow us to become familiar with things together and allow for new and fresh ideas.

I started to flip through my papers trying to get them somewhat organized before I had to make a run for my meeting. My book was going to be hitting bookstores a week after the wedding, so a long honeymoon was out of the question. Actually, the idea of a honeymoon scared me some. The whole wedding was still an uncomfortable subject. It still just felt odd, but I figured that it was pre wedding gitters. All women have them… or at least I thought so, or so I have been told by many.

The cab pulled up in front of a massive high rise, and I quickly paid and dashed inside. Our offices were located on the fifteenth, sixteenth, and seventeenth floors of the building so taking the stairs were out of the question. I wasn't that graceful on a good day so today wasn't one that I felt like testing my luck. I pushed the button for the elevator and I waited a minute when I heard the ding and the door opened.

Stepping inside, I started to let my mind wander some to the fact that I would be heading for Forks within six hours… something I was truly looking forward to. I mean I still had to focus on work and do some writing there, but I would be around the people that I truly missed more than anything… with the exception of Jake and Kat… whom I saw on a regular basis. I talked to Alice the night before she was still excited about me coming home to prepare for the wedding, especially since I had no idea how to plan such an event. That was Alice and Rosalie's department. So, when I told them they could have free reign, they were excited. I just wanted to show up and not have all the hassles, but I knew that wasn't going to happen so I wasn't going to hold my breath.

When the elevator opened, I dashed past the receptionist and continued till I reached BJ's desk, and he looked up to meet my frazzled look.

"You look horrible."

"Thanks," I answered sarcastically. "How long has she been in there?"

"About five minutes. I think you should be fine. I'll let him know you are here."

BJ picked up the phone and punched a series of buttons.

"Mr. Crane, Miss Swan is here. Do you want me to send her in?"

"_Yes. Send her in."_

Mr. Crane's voice didn't sound angry over the speaker so I wasn't as nervous. BJ smiled as he pushed a button to disconnect the line, he mouthed good luck to me as I reached for the door to find Mr. C behind his desk and Krista sitting on the opposite side.

"Swan, have a seat… I want to get this meeting out of the way so you can get home and on the road."

"I apologize for running a little behind, I couldn't find my notes for the new book," I stated, having a seat beside Krista.

"It's not a problem, Swan. Ms. Ryan was telling me about the new book… sounds interesting. I thought your first book was great… touching on the many elements of the human psyche… So what do you have planned for the next one?"

"Well, I am considering doing a historical fiction piece… civil war, balls, belles… the works."

As I spoke, I watched him nod his head as he was taking in what I was saying, and I could see Krista writing franticly trying to take down as many notes as possible. I continued to explain some of the minor points before he raised his hand to pause me.

"Krista, do you think that this will be as good as her last piece?"

"Of course, sir. Bella is one of the most detail oriented people that work here."

"Okay, Swan, I want to see some work done on this one while you are off on your mini vacation. Krista will be seeing to the fact that I get stuff from you. So, I guess we'll just wrap things up and you can get ready to leave. I know Jake wants to see you before you leave the building though."

Krista grabbed her stuff was gone within a few minutes… I wasn't her only writer. As I was filing away my papers, Mr. Crane startled me when he spoke to me again.

"Bella…"

"Yes, sir?"

"I wanted to tell you that I am happy for you and Jacob. If any two people deserve to be happy… it would be the two of you. Take care of yourself and I will see you when you get back to the office in a few weeks."

"Thank you."

I quickly left the office to see Krista was outside talking to BJ.

"Thanks for covering for me Krista… you are truly a life saver."

"No sweat, Bella. When Bob here told me that you were in trouble, I covered for ya."

I couldn't help but laugh. Krista always called BJ Bob… I guess that is what you get when your actual name is Robert. I listened to them chat about some of the gossip that was flying around the office. I quickly hugged BJ and told him I would call him all the time while I was in Forks, and that I would see him about a week before the wedding.

Now that I wasn't rushing around like a fool, I walked to the elevator to go down a floor so I could see Jake before I headed home. The editors' offices were located on the sixteenth floor, and wedged into every corner of the floor. I guess when you are a big publishing company you need lots of editors and, in turn, lots of offices. Jake's office was on the far side so I had to pass by lots of others before I got to his.

I reached the door and knocked gently when I heard him call from inside to come in. His eyes lit up when I came through the door, but that wasn't anything that I wasn't used to.

"Hey."

"Hey, babe."

He came over and pulled me into a hug, and sat me down on his lap. I smiled as I looked down into his eyes.

"You know I am going to miss you, Bells."

"It's not like I am leaving forever, Jake. You'll be seeing me in about three weeks."

He wrapped his arms around me tightly in a possessive way.

"Bella, I don't want you to be around Edward."

His words shocked me. That wasn't something I had been expecting him to say.

"Jake… Edward is my friend and I will be around his family all the time…"

"Bella, I don't want you around him," his anger becoming more apparent.

I pushed at his arms and he released me and I stepped away from him. I turned to see how serious he was about his words. He was dead serious.

"Jacob Black, you will not tell me who I can or can not talk to. I am my own person and I am not going to be treated like a child."

He looked at me, and his expression changed some, to a more concerned look.

"Bella, its not that I don't trust you, I don't trust him and I would rather you just stayed away from him. It would be for my peace of mind."

I rolled my eyes, even though I knew it was a childish response. I knew what his problem was without him saying it. He just didn't want me to be reminded of all the stuff from my past, but I was over all of that.

"Jake, I have to talk to him. I want him to give me away at the wedding, and I have to talk to him about it."

Jake's expression was the same as the last time I had mentioned this. He was angry… more like furious. He screamed for about an hour about the whole thing, but I reminded him that he was the man that I was marrying… Edward was just going to give me away so I could marry him. That had calmed him down considerably.

"Bella, I know you care about him, but you can't blame me for being worried. Look at your history with him. I know you never dated, but the kind of connection that you told me about can't just be one sided, even though he never acted on it he had to care about you."

I walked over and touched his hand, he raised his eyes to meet mine, worry filling the beautiful, black pools.

"Jake, I am marrying you. I care about you more than you know. You are my future."

"I'm sorry, Bells. I don't mean to overreact about stuff. I just don't want to lose you," his voice quieter than normal.

Leaning in, I kissed his forehead. His eyes sparkled as he looked back to me for a moment.

"I have to go Jake, or I am never going to get packed before I have to get to the airport."

"I love you, Isabella Swan."

"I got to go. I'll call you when I get to Forks," I replied as I walked toward the door.

Looking back, I saw that flicker of sadness again, but I blew him a kiss before I closed the door. Leaning back against the door, I thought about his words, his worries, his love for me and I wondered for a second if going to Forks was a bad idea. I wanted to go there, I wanted to see Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle, and Esme, but most of all I wanted to see Edward. I need to see him, this was the most important time in my life and I needed my best friend with me. So, why was I having this feeling that this trip could change my world in more ways than one?

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Walking through the airport in Seattle, I couldn't help but look out the windows to see the cloudy overcast sky. I knew that was to be expected, but maybe on some level I wanted the sun to shine today. I was happy and I wanted the world to shine like I was feeling inside. I was missing Jake, yes, but being back in Washington was like I was being recharged with some energy that only this place had.

Collecting my luggage, I headed to rent a car. It only took about thirty minutes and I was being led from the airport to a car that I really shouldn't have been driving. It was the only car left to rent…. A Vanquish. The attendant helped me put my luggage in the trunk, and handed me the keys, before he walked away. Getting behind the wheel of the car, I realized that this was going to definitely draw some attention.

When I turned the key, the engine purred to life, and I slipped it into reverse, and within seconds, I was gliding from the space and toward the highway. As soon as I was out of the city limits of Seattle, I pushed the pedal to the floor, and the car accelerated quickly and I was moving at speeds that I had never driven before. It was like a release of all my inner frustrations were being freed by the speed of the car.

After about fifteen minutes, I finally slowed down some, and reached for my phone. I quickly called Jake and told him I was going to be in Forks in about fifteen minutes. As soon as I hung up with Jake, I was calling Alice and told her that I was going to be in Forks soon, and she told me that she would see me soon after I arrived.

Hanging up, I turned on the radio, and one of my favorite songs played. I couldn't help but let my mind travel through the words and let the music take me away from my worries, my concerns, everything.

Driving was never my favorite thing to do, but in the solitude of the car, I let myself be free of my life. I didn't think about Jake, or my wedding, or my friends, I thought of nothing, but the sounds of the car and the trees that blurred past as I drove. It was something about this car that made me this way… maybe I should consider getting rid of my truck for a sleeker car…

I finally saw the sign that said that Forks was only ten miles away, and I then slowed down even more, as I approached the sleepy town. I saw the Forks police cruiser setting a speed trap, but I was well under the speed limit before I passed him. The sight of the cruiser was a sad one to me, since it made me miss Charlie, but that was something that was never far from my thoughts, especially with me planning on asking Edward to stand in for him by giving me away to Jake at my wedding.

Turning down a familiar street, I start to turn into the driveway at my house, when I noticed a motorcycle sitting on the sidewalk just in front of the house. When I looked I saw him stand up from the porch. I felt a smile creep across my face and I turned off the ignition, and quickly jumped from the car. Never in my life had I been happier to see Edward Cullen.

"Welcome home, Jingle Bells."

I ran and he swept me up into a tight embrace, one that I returned. I pulled back to see Edward's eyes sparkling like nothing I had ever seen before. This had to be the happiest that I had ever seen my friend!

"What are you doing here? You didn't even know that I was coming home today," I exclaimed.

"That is what little sisters are for. She wanted to be here to meet you, but something came up so she sent me… I hope you don't mind," he said with a smile.

"No, you don't realize how happy I am to see you."

"I doubt you are as happy as I am," he replied as he finally released me from his grip. "Do you want me to help you carry your stuff inside?"

"Yeah, if you don't mind."

I took the keys that were for the Vanquish and pushed the electric trunk release and Edward quickly slipped to the back and started to pull out my suitcases and bags. Reaching inside the car I pulled out my purse and rummaged through it to find the keys to the house. When I reached the door I unlocked it quickly, and was followed closely by Edward with my bags. I held the door open as he walked past me, and I couldn't help but reminisce about how good he smelt. He still wore the same cologne that he wore in high school, and it complimented his already good natural scent.

I ran back to the car to grab the last of my bags, shutting the trunk and heading back toward the house. It was when I was about ready to step on the porch from the steps, that I felt myself start to tumble forward, and a pair of arms reaching for me.

My bags were on the porch, but I was in Edward's arms. I looked up to him, still breathing hard from my almost fall.

"Are you okay, Bella?"

"Yeah… I think."

I thought he would set me back on my feet, but he carried me into the house and sat me on the couch, before he headed back to retrieve the bags that I had dropped. I felt stupid for almost falling and that Edward had to come to my rescue… especially since I had been doing really well with the whole balance thing. I heard the front door click as Edward pulled it closed, I looked up to meet his gaze.

"So…"

"So…" I said with an awkward pause.

He walked over and sat down in the chair just a few feet away from me. He was quieter than normal, and I watched him, noticing that he was thinking… almost contemplating what to say next. This was strange… normally Edward wouldn't have to think about what he had to say to me.

"How was the flight, Bells?"

"Okay, I guess. I really don't like flying that much. It kinda scares me."

"You are never going to get over that fear of heights are you?"

"I doubt it. We all have fears Edward, even you."

"Nope, I don't have one fear at all."

I studied his eyes, and they told me that he was lying. I knew he didn't have any traditional fears… heights, snakes, spiders… but he was worried about something.

My stomach began to growl, and I dropped my hands in hopes of covering up some of the sound and not letting it be brought to his attention.

"Hungry?" He asked.

"Maybe a little," I said, trying to suppress the yawn that was now escaping my mouth.

"How about I order some pizza for us… my treat," he said with a smile.

"Fine, but I will cook dinner for you sometime to make up for it."

"I'll even take you grocery shopping. I know you hate doing that," he chuckled.

He was right about that. I grocery shopped when it was necessary… I really wasn't a people person and I didn't like being stopped numerous times to chit chat with the people that I met in the stores.

Edward reached in his pocket and pulled out his phone and called to order the pizza. I stood and stretched my muscles then I turned and headed toward the stairs. I needed to shower. Mostly I hoped that it would wake me up some. Edward quickly noticed me walking toward the stairs.

"Where do you think you are going?"

I paused to look at him. He had this playful look, one that I hadn't seen in years.

"Shower… if you don't mind."

"I guess you can go… but you better hurry. Pizza will be here in fifteen minutes."

Climbing the stairs I realized that I was going to have to clean since everything was covered in an inch of dust. I guess that is what happens when you aren't here very much. I ducked into my bedroom and pulled out a pair of shorts and a t-shirt before I walked across the hall to the bathroom.

Pulling off my clothes, I turned on the shower and let the water run for a while. I looked in the mirror at my figure… I couldn't figure out what Jake thought was so beautiful about me. I examined my skin, which was a creamy color, with the occasional freckle. My eyes were a deep chocolaty brown, my hair a dark brown, almost a black. My body was ordinary in all ways, at least I thought so.

Sighing, I stepped into the scalding stream of water. The water assaulted my skin with its hot temperature, but I was hoping it would loosen my muscles. Sitting in that seat on the plane and driving all the way here had done a number on my back. I finally turned around and stepped into the warm water, letting it run down my face and across my body. After I felt like I was relaxed enough, I pulled a washcloth from the rack beside the shower off and poured on some of my favorite body wash on to it, and began to run circles on my skin, massaging away the tension in my body. I then poured some of my strawberry shampoo in my hand, and scrubbed my hair and quickly rinsed it out.

Turning off the shower, I pulled a towel down and started to dry my hair before I moved down to drying my body. Reaching for my clothes, I pulled them on. I then took the towel and wiped away the condensation that had accumulated on the mirror so that I could look at myself. Pulling my brush through my hair, I studied my face closely for a moment before I brushed my teeth and headed back downstairs.

As I started to descend the stairs, I noticed that Edward was staring up at the pictures on the wall. Most of my high school pictures had been taken down by Alice and Rosalie before I came home for Alice's wedding, but some still hung on the walls, and one was another copy of our Prom picture. His eyes were focused only on that picture, nothing else.

Finally I started walking again, and as I stepped on one of the stairs, it squeaked. Edward turned to look at me and his eyes were darker… almost like he was dreaming of something. Smiling I continued down the stairs, his eyes never leaving mine. He shook his head and it was like he was back in the present with me.

"The pizza should be here in a few minutes."

As soon as the words came out of his mouth, the door bell rang. He crossed the room and opened the door to see Mike Newton just beyond the doorway. I really didn't know who was more shocked to see the other… Edward or Mike.

"Newton…"

"Cullen…"

I walked toward the door with hopes of stopping a fight from breaking out, but Edward stood where I couldn't get past him.

"Your pizzas," grumbled Mike as he handed Edward the food.

Edward handed me the food while reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet, handing Mike twenty. Mike grabbed the money and turned away and was gone in seconds.

The door slammed as Edward turned back toward me, his eyes now ablaze with fury.

"What was that about?" I asked confused about what was going on.

"It's nothing."

"You are a horrible liar, Edward. What is going on?"

He slumped down in the chair, and ran his fingers through his hair. Watching him I knew something had happened.

"I broke my engagement with Tanya."

I felt my eyes go wide when he said that. I didn't know what to think, and that was not what I was expecting him to say to me.

"You what?"

"She was having an affair with Mike Newton. I found out and broke the engagement."

Tanya and Mike? I couldn't believe what I was hearing. That was hilarious… but I didn't let Edward know that I thought it was funny. He had to be hurt that someone that he loved had hurt him like that.

"I'm sorry, Edward."

He shook his head and threw his hands up, motioning me to stop.

"Bella… It's nothing that you really should be sorry about. I was at fault for this, but I am okay with it. I just don't like Newton and the fact that he was fucking Tanya behind my back is just another item to add to the list of reasons that I hate him. So, don't worry about me. Okay?"

I couldn't help but feel bad. Now Edward was all alone, and I was getting married. I would have never thought that this would happen.

Edward stood and went to the kitchen and grabbed some paper plates, along with a couple of sodas that were left from the last time I had been home. He crashed on the couch beside me before he opened the boxes. We dug in and we talked about all kinds of things that we hadn't talked about in years. He told me that we would have to hang out like the old times… stuff that I really did miss even after all these years.

After an hour or so, Edward raided the DVDs and put in _The Bourne Identity_ and turned off the lights with the exception of the lamp that sat just beside the couch. We sat in silence for a while, when I felt myself begin to yawn again. My eyes were starting to droop, it was then that I felt Edward pull me toward him, and he pulled the blanket off the back of the couch, wrapping it around me. I looked up to meet his eyes, and there was something simmering toward the back of them. I leaned my head down on his shoulder and my attention went back to the movie.

My eyes started to hurt so I closed them, and I continued to listen to the gun shots from the movie. I don't know when, but I felt his arm wrap around me, and soon after I was slumbering peacefully.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

When I woke up, I noticed that I wasn't where I fell asleep. The feeling of being disoriented wasn't one I liked too much. Looking around I realized that I was in my bed, covered with my favorite quilt. Pushing back the covers, I stood and walked over and pulled the door open, and quickly descended the stairs.

Stepping over the squeaky step, I looked down to find Edward curled up on the couch, his messy hair covering his eyes. I couldn't help but smile as I continued down. Walking over to the couch, I sat down gently beside him. Staring down at his slumbering form, I realized that he looked so peaceful when he slept. When I used to stay over at his house, he had always been up before me, so I had never had the chance to see him like this. His face was flawless, strong, and so content. I wanted to reach over and move his hair from his eyes, but I knew that it would rouse him from his sleep, and I didn't want to do that yet.

It was then that I watched his eyes flutter open, and it was clear by how they looked that he was still partially asleep.

"I must be dreaming… because there is no way… I have never seen someone so beautiful before."

I felt my skin flush at his words, but I knew he was still half asleep. He wouldn't ever say something like that to me if he were awake.

"You must be dreaming, because I'm not that beautiful," I said with a smile.

He closed his eyes for a second, and when he looked to me again, it was clear that he was more aware of what was going on around him.

"Good morning," I replied.

"Oh… Bella, I'm sorry… after you fell asleep I carried you upstairs and put you in bed, and I realized that it was late so I just crashed on your couch… if I overstepped my boundaries…"

"Its okay, Edward," I cut him off before he finished. "You're my friend, so you are welcome to stay here if you need to."

He sat up, and ran one of his hands through his already messy hair, still apparently rattled by what had happened.

"You want breakfast?" I asked.

"You have no food, Bella, remember," he said playfully.

"I think we can manage. You still have to take me grocery shopping."

"Sure, let me get dressed."

He stood and folded the blanket and placed it back over on the couch. It was then that I noticed that he didn't have a shirt on. My eyes grazed over his sculpted features… all the way down to the prominent V just above his hips. I could have sworn I was about to drool at the sight of his body, but I kept my emotions in check, especially since I was ogling my best friend, not my fiancé.

He pulled on his t-shirt, and it was one of the most sensual things I had ever seen. Why was it that I couldn't think this way about Jake? Ugh!

He picked up some of the mess that was left over from the night before too. Whoever ended up with him was getting a great guy… but that wasn't something that was news to me. I always knew he had the potential to be a great guy.

"Do you think you need to get ready? I doubt you want people to see you in that," gesturing to the clothes that I had on.

Glancing down, I blushed. He was right… I really shouldn't have let him see me this way either, but I had.

"I'll just be a minute," I said as I dashed up the stairs.

I pulled one of my old hoodies from high school on, along with a pair of jeans, and combat boots, before I ran to the bathroom to brush out my messy hair. Quickly pulling it up into a high ponytail, I went downstairs to find him looking absolutely perfect by the front door, the keys to the Vanquish in his hands.

"Ready?" He asked.

"Yeah," I said as I grabbed my purse from the side table.

Shutting the door behind us, I followed him down to the car and he turned to me, looking at me like he wanted to know something… it didn't take much for me to know that he wanted to drive.

"Go ahead, Edward. I know you want to."

He smiled, his brilliant white teeth shining.

"Thanks, Bells."

Climbing into the passenger seat, I looked over at Edward. So many things had changed for us. I was used to being the one without someone, and now it was the complete opposite. How could it come to something like this? Edward was well… Edward. He was meant to have a girl at his side… me on the other hand, I wasn't supposed be the one with someone.

My mind drifted to the fact that I had to ask Edward to give me away soon and I wasn't really sure of how he would take the information. I needed Edward there with me. I couldn't marry Jake without him.

Sighing, I pushed the thoughts from my mind, and just sat in silence as Edward drove. Just being with him, made me feel safe… at peace… truly at home. Looking over at Edward for a moment, he turned to smile at me. Smiling back, I relaxed and closed my eyes. Letting my worries float away for the moment because I was in my safe place, the company of my best friend.

**A Week Later…**

Sitting at my kitchen table, I was working on changing a few things in my new story, while Edward sat on my couch, watching my TV and drinking my beer from my refrigerator. Not that I really minded. Since coming home, Edward spent a lot of him here and this whole time I continued to worry about how I was going to bring up the subject of him giving me away at the wedding.

"Edward…"

"Yeah, Bells."

He turned to look at me. His eyes appeared to be soft, almost like he was thinking about something that was making him very happy.

"You know you have been spending a lot of time here lately…"

"Oh… I'm sorry, Bella. I can leave…"

"No… I am just playing. I was just thinking that you have been watching my TV a lot while I work. Its not that I mind, it's just that you have a TV and beer at home."

"It's not the same though. I just want to spend time with you. I know you are going to be going back to St. Louis after… the wedding."

His voice sounded odd at the mention of my upcoming nuptials. The sound of his voice tugged at my very heart, making me want to comfort him, from what I wasn't exactly sure, but I would. I would do anything for him.

I clicked the save button on my work and closed my laptop before I walked toward him. His eyes followed my movements closely, almost as if he was taking something of great importance in, filing it away for another day.

Sitting down beside him, he turned off the TV, and set his beer on the coffee table. It was almost like he knew I had something to ask him. How though? It wasn't like I had been hinting around about my question.

"Edward… I need to ask you something," I started, but paused for a moment to gather my thoughts.

"You can ask me anything, Bella… you know that."

His body turned slightly to face me, and I felt a lump form in my throat. Something inside me told me that this was going to be weird, but not this strange. The idea that I was asking the man that I once declared my love to give me away at my wedding to another was massive, at least it was to me.

"Edward… you know I am getting married and you obviously know that there are traditions too."

"Yeah… what's your point?"

"Charlie isn't here and he would have been the person to give me away…" I stopped for a moment, when I noticed Edward's expression turn into something I wasn't expecting… terror.

Taking a deep breath… I thought about my words before I continued.

"And I was hoping that you would give me away. You are my best friend, Edward, and I need you there with me. I don't know if I can do it without you there."

Edward's normally confident expression was now gone. Had I done something horrible by asking him this? I didn't think so.

"Bella… I don't know about that. I mean, don't you want someone like an uncle or even my dad to give you way…"

"No. Edward its not like I can have you be my maid or honor and I want you to be a part of my wedding some how… please?" I begged.

His eyes dropped away from mine and he stared down to his hands that were now folded in his lap. I could hear him breathing and it was almost like he was straining to breathe. Something told me that this wasn't something that he had expected for me to ask.

He raised his eyes but he wasn't looking at me, but was staring out into space. When he finally brought his eyes to meet my own, it was like a moment of defeat, that he had lost a battle that he had been fighting within himself.

"Okay… if it is important to you, Bella, I will do this for you," his voice much quieter than I normally heard from him.

I couldn't help but lean in and hug him, but something about this moment felt weird. His grip around me was different. It was almost like he didn't want to release me.

Leaning back I looked into his eyes again. They were expressionless, more than sad… it was like all the light that had ever existed within them was gone, but he put on a smile.

"I have one more favor to ask, if you don't mind," I whispered.

"What would that be?" He asked.

"Next week, Alice made an appointment for all of us to go look for dresses and the guys to get fitted for their tuxedos… will you come?"

He stood and walked across the room. I watched him as he paced back in forth in front of me for a moment. He turned suddenly and looked at me, almost as though he wanted to tell me something. But it was something that was not meant to be said, at least not now, maybe not ever.

"I guess, Bells. Just let me know when."

"Thanks. It really means a lot, Edward."

"I need to go, Bells, I have a few things at home to do," he replied, running his fingers through his always messy hair.

"You don't have to go, Edward," I said as I stood.

"I need to. I'll stop by tomorrow, alright?"

"Sure, Edward."

He grabbed his keys from the table, and closed the door quickly behind him. I stood in the living room window as he walked down to his bike. Watching him, I noticed him pause for a moment before he got on it. Seeing him like that hurt, especially since I couldn't figure out what was making him act this way. I didn't understand how asking him to be in my wedding and going to get fitted for tuxedos was such a bad thing.

Knowing that something was wrong with my friend made me sad, for his pain was mine too. Maybe in time I would figure it out, or maybe something would happen that would allow me to see what had been going on with him, but mostly I wanted to take his pain away, and make him happy again… and I really hoped that it would be possible.


	36. Chapter 35: Like The Rain

Hello Everyone.

Many of you know, that yesterday was my 24th birthday, so I figured, why not work on something for my readers, and I did. This chapter came pretty quick to me since I have been viewing it in my mind for months, and I really hope you enjoy it. I do have a feeling that I will need to go into hiding afterwards though…

The Normal Stuff: The Twilight Saga and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Check out my fave authors and stories… they are awesome. Check out my friends stories too… DID by Dollegirl and No Regrets by RedChevy. Also, come over to the twilighted forums and hang out… we are a very interesting group of people and I am known to leave a teaser or two along the way.

To my sweet reviewers… I feel horrible that I haven't had a chance to answer your lovely reviews. They really are so good and awesome, but between my real job and working on writing, it's really getting hard to keep up with them. I do read them and love them, so please don't stop reviewing because you think I don't care, because I do. You are wonderful people and deserve tons of praise. MWAH!

To my lovely ladies over on twilighted… Halo, ECyesplease, Red, Dolle, Who, pwtf, and everyone else… love ya, and now we are starting to get to the good stuff. Also, I want to give a shout out to my girl, Red. She's the best, especially since she checked everything out for this chapter after I edited it. Love ya, Red.

Now, on with our story…

* * *

Chapter 35 Like The Rain Song: Like The Rain by Clint Black  
Reasoning: "Like the rain, I am falling for you… falling for you now…" Perfect! You will see why soon.

* * *

Chapter 35: Like The Rain

**Mid March 2008**

My heart was breaking. Never in my life would I have thought that something that Bella said to me would hurt so much, and I knew it wasn't possible to stay there around her right now. I wasn't a good enough actor to pull it all off. She would see right through me if I stayed there.

Pausing for a second just a few steps from her front door, I considered running back to the house, throwing open the door and telling her everything. To tell her that I loved her, that I needed her more than air, and mostly to cover her lips with tender kisses. I finally decided that it wasn't in Bella's best interest or my own… so I continued to my bike, kicking it to life, and quickly roared away.

The air was cool against my skin, but I didn't mind. It was making my whole body feel what I was feeling inside… completely and totally numb to the world. I could handle the physical pains that the world threw at me but the pain of knowing that things had now become extremely complicated in my mission to get my angel back was more than I could handle at this point.

Turning up my driveway, I started to think about everything that had happened in the past week. Everything had been going perfectly. We were comfortable with each other, talking about the past, talking about the future… even though some of it hurt to talk about. The memory of her coming home though was one of my favorites.

Alice called me while I was driving home from work and said that Bella would be at her house soon and that maybe I should go over to meet her. I knew that was her way of letting me get some time in with her before everyone, including herself and Rosalie started to occupy her time, and I jumped at the chance to be with her for a while. So, I came home quickly, and pulled on some clean clothes before jumping back on my bike and driving over.

When I arrived, it didn't take me long to realize that Bella hadn't made it in yet, so I lowered the kickstand, walked up to the porch and had a seat in one of the chairs. Sitting there, I felt my hands begin to sweat, so I tried to wipe them on my jeans, but they just wouldn't stop. I was nervous. No woman had ever made me feel this way. There was something about her that made me feel like I was an awkward teenage boy again.

Hearing the purr of an engine coming up the road, I rose up just enough to see a bright blue Vanquish pulling into the drive. I finally stood, and when the door swung open to reveal a slender pair of legs, I almost had to grab a hold of something to keep my balance. Her very presence made me weak at the knees.

I closed the distance and paused just before I reached her. I didn't want to jump her or make her feel uncomfortable, but I wanted nothing more than to pull her as close as possible. So, when she ran into my arms, and I was able to pull her close, I felt my heart skip a beat and then settle down to a steady rhythm.

Offering to carry her luggage I followed her to the car, and while I walked behind her, I caught myself watching the sway of her hips as she walked. Shaking the image from my mind I pulled out a few of her suitcases, and then walked with her to the front door. I placed them just inside the door and turned back to see Bella retrieving the last pieces. She was rushing up the stairs, and something told me that I needed to keep an eye on her, and I was right. She didn't get her footing on the front steps causing her to lose what she was carrying and began to fall but I had her swept up in my arms before she could even get close to the ground.

Having her in my arms wasn't something I had planned on happening, but it was one of the most amazing things that I had ever experienced. Something so simple, so innocent, but it was turning me on just standing there. Worrying that she would stumble, again I carried her in and placed her on the couch before I went to get the bags that she had dropped.

There was this awkward moment after I set her bags down. I wasn't really sure what to say to her. She had to notice it too. I was never at a loss for words around her. I had to think… something, anything!!!!

So I asked her about her flight… corny, but it worked. I brought up the fact that she had a fear of heights, and in turn she turned it on me. Typical Bella, she just had this ability to do this kind of thing to me. I blew off her comments and tried to play it cool and hoped that she wouldn't see through my façade.

When her stomach growled, it was a lifesaver. Offering to order pizza for both of us, I pulled open my phone and quickly ordered to see Bella walking toward the steps. She informed me that she was going to go shower and be back down in a few minutes. This left me alone in her house with nothing to occupy my mind.

Pacing around her house, I noticed things that I hadn't noticed the last time I had been there. I noticed that Alice had bought lots of new items for the house. Most of the stuff, I knew Bella had to love… everything was classy and very classic. The colors were brilliant shades but nothing extreme. No lime green, but deep burgundies and evergreens.

Then my mind started to travel to places that it shouldn't as soon as I heard the water of the shower start to run. I knew she was up there, no clothes on, water running down her slender form, her gently washing her skin…

Shaking my head, I went back to pacing, trying not to think about how much I wanted to climb the stairs and slip into the room with her… I then turned my attention to the pictures of her on the wall. It was nice to see how she changed over time from a shy girl, to a temptress of a woman. Staring at the picture of the two of us from the Prom, I though about the chaste kiss she had given me and for the first time, the memory sent a shiver through my body.

The silence was broken by a squeak, and I turned to see Bella standing in a t-shirt and a rather short pair of shorts, her hair falling in wet waves down around her face. She was stunning. Shaking my head, I let myself come back to reality while she finally finished descended the stairs.

Soon there was a knock at the door, and when I opened it, Mike Newton stood just on the other side. My blood boiled within me at the sight of him. I didn't care that he had been fucking Tanya but it was just the point that he was alive and that he was an absolute pervert. Grabbing money from my wallet I shoved it in his hand before he had a chance to say or do anything, but as soon as I slammed the door behind me I knew that Bella would be questioning me why I was acting like I was.

The fact was… I wasn't ready to tell her that I had broken my engagement. It was going to make things worse, but it couldn't be avoided. Telling her was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, but I knew it wasn't going to help me since she was still engaged to Jacob Black. It was obvious that she felt bad for the end of that relationship, but I didn't care to see its end because I was now on to the more important things… her.

I let it go and gathered a couple of plates and a couple of sodas from the refrigerator before I crashed on the couch beside her. Talking to her like this was what I enjoyed the most… the simple stuff and it was light and comfortable. I didn't want to push anything, I wanted it to come with time.

We finished eating so I raided her DVDs and found one of her favorite movies and put in before I turned down the lights. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her yawn and her eyes begin to droop, so I reached over and pulled her closer to my body. It was innocent. I had always been sort of her 'pillow' back in the day… so why not now? I wrapped the blanket around her, but before I turned my attention back to the movie, I looked into the chocolate depths and was lost for a moment but then went back to looking like I was engrossed in the movie. I was too focused on her breathing to keep track of Matt Damon.

When the movie was starting to get interesting, I glanced down to see her eyes close, and I then pulled her closer to me, letting my arm wrap around her. Finishing the movie, I slowly moved enough that I didn't wake the slumbering goddess that slept beside me. Knowing that it wouldn't be the best for her to sleep on the couch, I did something I didn't think possible. I gently lifted her into my arms and carried her up the stairs, pushing her bedroom door open with my foot, and finally laid her down among the pillows.

Pulling back the covers, I slipped them over her body. I stood there just watching her sleep for a moment. Her hair was fanned out like a halo around her face, and she slept so peacefully. I kept wondering and asking myself how it would feel to go to sleep with her beside me every night until the end of time, but I would have to push the thoughts away, because at this point it was only a fantasy… not a reality.

Closing the door behind me, I went back downstairs. I saw the time and realized that I didn't need to be driving so I slumped back onto the couch. Hopefully, Bella wouldn't mind me sleeping there for a night. I wrapped the blanket that had once covered my angel around me, and I could smell the light fragrance of her shampoo on it. It was so relaxing and within moments I was drifting off into dreams that were completely consumed by her.

When I awoke the following morning, I was surprised to see Bella looking down at me. I couldn't help myself… I told her how beautiful she really was. I could play it off to being still half asleep so I thought it was okay. Watching her reaction to my words was perfect. She turned a dazzling crimson color, and I wanted nothing more than to see it everyday, it fit her perfectly.

Then I started to panic that I overstepped my boundaries of our friendship… I just assumed that she would be okay with everything, and she quickly calmed my nerves and informed me that she wanted to fix breakfast. Quickly, I reminded her that she had no food and that she needed to change so we could go shopping.

I cleaned my mess up, and pulled my t-shirt back on that I had removed during the night. I couldn't help but notice Bella watching me closely as I pulled the shirt over my head and down my body. I wanted to know if she was thinking about me… thinking about me the way that I thought about her.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful… shopping for groceries was something that she hated more than anything in the world. She was good with people, but it was just like she was scared of people at the same time. It was just the way that she was.

I spent most of my days after work like this with Bella. So carefree and relaxed. I was slowly gaining more courage… soon I hoped to tell her how I felt about her… but then she dropped this bomb on me.

She wanted me to give her away… was she crazy?? I didn't know if I could endure having to stand beside her, walk her up the aisle and then hand her over to Jacob Black. I knew I couldn't and that was going to be a problem. Then I realized that I had said yes to this… God I was so stupid!

By the time I got to the house, I noticed that everyone was there, and I knew that they would be curious about why I was at home when I should be with Bella, so I avoided them and went to the garage. Going to the back, I slipped into the back and had a seat at the piano.

Staring at the sheet music that was scattered around, I finally gathered it up and organized it some before I started to play. Letting my fingers glide across the keyboard, I played until I reached a weird place when I started to play a few bars… to stop and write them in.

This had become my stress relief since the end of my engagement. I was actually writing out Bella's song. Being able to see it on paper was something I had never thought of doing, but then I realized it couldn't just stay in my mind forever, I had to make it where I could keep it forever.

I tried to calm myself down from my stupidity by saying yes to her request, I couldn't. It was too much, and it was coming out as I worked. I finally gave up trying to work out stuff for the song and began to play whatever I could play from memory. I pounded my hands against the keys, letting my anger ring out with the loud tones that were being produced. Finally I slammed the cover over the keyboard, and laid my head against the cool surface.

The fact was that I had said yes to walking her down the aisle and giving her away… UGH!

Then there was that damn fitting. I hated getting fitted for stuff in the first place, but this was going to be worse. I was going to be going to a wedding instead of being the groom, the place I wanted to be more than anything.

I was in trouble… more trouble than I knew and it was painfully clear that it was only going to get worse unless I did something to change it, but what? How do I get her to see that I am the one she needs? Nothing I thought of seemed good enough. How do you tell someone something of this magnitude and not have it turn out bad? That was truly the question…

**A Couple Weeks Later…**

Like anything else, plans change. I mentally prepared myself for the evil thing which is called the fitting, but it was later cancelled due to the fact that Alice and Rose had to take Bella to a bridal show up in Olympia. So I was stuck at home with Jasper and Emmett. They spent most of their time with their Wii, so I just moped around. More than anything, I was trying to figure out what I was going to do when Jake showed up next week.

Alice announced the other day that she and Rosalie were going to be hosting an engagement party for them. Mom jumped at the chance to offer the house up for the occasion too. I was thrilled… not really, but I played it off that I was. Also, I had to figure out how I was going to spend some time with Bella while he was here, especially since Jake wanted me to drop off the face of the planet.

So now the time had come yet again to plan on going to Seattle for the girls to try on dresses and for the guys to show up and get fitted for their tuxes. Alice showed me a picture of them… they weren't horrible, at least. I knew I would feel like a monkey in them no matter what, but that was to be expected.

It was a Saturday and it was a normal, cloudy day, the only difference was that I was going to have to spend time with some of Jake's friends from La Push. I wasn't really sure if I was going to be able to handle too much of the 'Jake friend love' that would be going on, but Emmett and Jasper, along with my dad were going too. Actually the whole Cullen family was going, since they all were considered family of the bride.

Much to my dismay, everyone left early since everyone had business to take care of before we went to the fitting, with the exception of me and Bella, so I had to swing over and pick her up. Dressing casually, I got on my bike and was at Bella's within about ten minutes. I saw her shutting the door as I pulled up. When she saw me, I smiled. It didn't matter what she did, what she wore, or anything else, her very presence made me happy, and it always seemed to radiate off me when she was around.

"Hey," she called as she walked toward me.

"Hey, you ready to go?"

"I guess, I think we both feel the same way about this whole fitting thing, right?"

"Pretty much, Bells. So… let's get going then. The faster we get there, the sooner we can leave and we can go do something fun."

I hadn't told her or anyone else that I wanted to do something special for her and I was finally ready to try to push a little more… well push her to realizing that I care about her more than in a friendly manner.

"Do tell?" She asked playfully.

"Not telling. You'll have to find out when we're done with all this stuff."

She frowned when she realized that I was intending on taking my bike to Seattle. Never speaking a word, she put some of her stuff in one of the saddle bags, and zipped up her coat before she slipped on and wrapped her arms around me.

The engine roared to life, and I pulled the bike back on the road, and I felt Bella's grip around my middle tighten. Having her so close was wonderful. I wanted to concentrate on driving, but when she placed her face in my back, to prevent the cool winds from blowing against her face, I thought I would die. Innocent as it was, it was so intimate, almost like a lover laying her head against your body after you had exhausted yourself from all the love that you had made.

Driving faster than the speed limit, we arrived in front of the bridal store well before everyone else did. The first people to arrive were friends of Jacob's. Bella stepped off and went to talk to them leaving me to think about what I had planned. It wasn't much… but Bella had always liked the simple things in life. Nothing too fancy for her…

Fifteen minutes after we got to the store, the rest of my family arrived and Alice pushed us all into the store, directing the ladies to one part of the store, and the men to the other side. The friends from La Push were talkative, me and my family, on the other hand, kept our mouths shut.

The guys introduced themselves as Sam, Quil, Embry, and Paul. Listening to them talk I learned quite a bit about Jacob Black. He dated a woman named Leah in high school, but wouldn't commit to her because of his desire for Bella. Leah had now moved on to someone else, but who, they never said. Then they talked about the stuff that Jake had told them about Bella. The thing that surprised me the most was that they weren't talking about Jake's comments about how Bella was in bed. Maybe it was because they didn't know us, and 'we' thought of Bella as family.

After two hours of being poked, prodded, and measured, they said we could go. The La Push guys said their goodbyes and were gone within minutes, the rest of us walked over toward the dressing rooms. We found Alice and Rosalie talking with one of the employees about bridesmaid dresses. Esme was sitting on a small sofa in front of the dressing rooms.

Slipping down beside my mother, she reached for my hand and smiled gently back to me. She still had hope for this to work out, even though I was starting to lose more and more faith everyday. My father rested his hand down upon my mothers shoulder, she looked up and mouthed words of love back to him. I tried not to pay any attention to what was going on around me since I was completely surrounded by all these couples and their massive amount of affection for one another.

Staring at my hands for a moment, I tried to let my mind go anywhere but on what was going on around me. I just wanted to clear my mind, prepare myself for what I had planned, but it was then that I heard a click from one of the dressing room doors. Raising my eyes, I felt every drop of blood leave my face.

Standing before me, with her hair tumbling around her shoulders, was the most beautiful angel dressed in the most stunning wedding dress I had ever seen in my life. There was no words to describe it, but beautiful. Bella's eyes fell on me, and she immediately blushed her famous crimson.

"Oh, Bella…" whispered my mother.

Both Alice and Rosalie ran over and began to circle her like they were buzzards looking at her as their next meal. They were talking so fast I couldn't understand a word either of them was saying. My eyes never left Bella though. I couldn't help myself, drinking in every detail, like she was the last person I would ever see in my entire life.

The dress's front was cut somewhat low allowing the swells of her breasts to peak over just slightly, it hugged against her slim curves, and made her look like a princess that had stepped right out of a fairy tale. I could see her breathing lightly, and fidgeting with the dress… she was nervous, I was sure of it.

"This is the dress, Bella!" Exclaimed Rosalie.

"Yes, it looks like it was made for you," gushed Alice.

Bella turned me, meeting my eyes for a moment. She paused for a second before she spoke.

"What do you think of it, Edward?" She asked, her voice almost a whisper.

As soon as she spoke, my mouth went dry, I couldn't form a sentence if I tried. I had to calm down, I couldn't let her know that I wanted nothing more than to kiss her on this very spot in front of everyone we cared about.

"You… look… stunning," I stuttered out.

She smiled at me, blushing even more. How could she not know that I loved her? I knew my eyes shone with all the feelings that I had, and at times, I could swear that she felt the same way about me.

Bella turned to the woman that had been helping them and told her that she would take the dress. My sisters squealed and started to dance around like crazy. Me… I felt my nervousness growing. It was about time for me to start working on getting Bella back.

Once Alice and Rosalie settled the paperwork for ordering their dresses and they paid for Bella's dress, we were finally released from their presence. Walking to my bike, I sat down, watching Bella finish talking to everyone else before she came back toward me.

"So… what are we off to do now?" She asked playfully.

"What are the rest of them doing?"

"They are all going over to Emmett and Rose's… why?"

"Just wondering. Let's get going… lots to do tonight."

Kicking the bike to life, I put it back on the road, and again, Bella buried her face in my back, this time I was ready for it. I enjoyed it more the second time. She looked up when she saw that I was slowing down, and turning up the driveway to my house.

"What are we doing here?" She asked.

"I wanted to share something with you."

Pulling up beside the garage, I turned off the bike and stepped off, turning back to see Bella looking at me. Extending my hand, I helped her off, and she followed me to the garage and inside as soon as I unlocked the door.

Turning on the lights, I noticed her taking in the place since it had been so long since she had been there. She sauntered around the room, walking over to the couch that was still in the spot that she had last seen it.

"Edward…"

Turning to look at her, I saw her copy of _Gone With the Wind_ in her hands.

"All of things that I left here are still here. I figured Tanya would have thrown it all out."

"I wouldn't let her. She didn't like that either. Told her that it wasn't mine or hers to throw away."

She smiled, clutching the book to her chest as she continued to look around. I knew what she was doing… she wanted to know what was so special about the garage, but it wasn't something that she really even knew about.

"Come on," I said, extending my hand to her again.

She took it and I led her to the door at the back, opening it, I quickly led us inside. Pushing the door shut with my foot, the room was pitch black, her hand clamped down on my own. Giving her a reassuring squeeze, I reached for the light switch, and turned it on.

She blinked a couple of times, adjusting to the new brightness of the room, when she started to take in what she was seeing. Looking up, I smiled at her.

"How long has this been here?"

"It was a compromise with my mom. I got the garage, but I had to have a place for the piano as well, I just let everyone think it was storage though."

Bella released my hand and began to walk around the room, examining everything that was there. My eyes followed her, taking her in, enjoying her very presence in my life. She finally walked up to the piano and began to run her fingers over the hard surface.

I walked up behind her, pausing to whisper in her ear.

"Do you want your surprise?"

Turning enough that she could see my face, she examined me a moment, before she nodded.

Stepping around her, I had a seat at the keyboard, lifting the cover and then looking up into her chocolate eyes that were filled with wonder.

Placing my hands on the keys, I began play. I had put the music away, and I was playing from memory… no, from my heart. Everything that I had been feeling for her, from the moment that I realized that I loved her, through the realization that she was getting married to someone else, to me knowing that I had fight for her, for her love, and for my place at her side.

As I played, I felt something brush against my arm, and I looked to see Bella sitting down beside me. She leaned her head against shoulder and I continued to play, the song changing some as it went. Time was nothing that I was concerned with, for time stopped for me when I realized how much Bella meant to me, and always would, so when I wrapped up the piece, I looked over to see tears streaming down my angels face.

"That was beautiful, Edward. Who wrote that?"

"I did," I mumbled as I looked down at the keys.

"Really?" She asked with awe in her voice.

Looking up to see her teary eyes, I saw how they sparkled. I smiled at her and reached over and brushed away the tears that had tumbled down her face.

"Yeah. I actually started to play again after what happened when you left for college."

"You did?"

"Yeah… I missed you, Bella. It was a way that I could work out how I was feeling at the time, and I just never stopped."

"I'm glad that you didn't stop playing."

"Me too," I answered with a smile.

"Play some more for me please…"

"For you, Bella… your wish is my command."

My hands returned to the keys and I played the pieces that I had played many times before for her in the past and she just sat there and took them in like it was the first time she had ever heard them. This was the stuff I wanted with her… moments like this. Peaceful, calm, together.

After a while, I finally covered the keys and looked over at her, her eyes shining with some unknown thoughts. I wanted to pluck her thoughts from her mind and know what she was thinking… whatever it was that made her smile, I wanted to know what it was… so I could keep doing it.

"So… is this the end of our night?" She asked.

"Far from it. Let's take out the truck for old time sake…"

"Edward…"

"We won't break any laws… just for a drive. Promise."

"Fine. Let's go," she laughed.

Turning off the lights and closing the door to the piano room, Bella walked over to the truck and opened the passenger door and jumped inside. After opening the garage doors, I pulled the keys to the truck off the hook over the bench and got in myself.

Looking over at her for a second, I stuck the key in the ignition and turned it, the truck roared to life. Revving up the engine, she laughed.

"You will never change, Edward Cullen. You are still that teenage boy that loves his loud vehicles, and will always have the girls chasing you."

"You may be right about my cars, but I only want one girl in my life from now on."

She looked at me for a moment, trying to figure out the meaning of what I had said. She never questioned me about it, but I knew she was trying to know what I had meant by that, that was how Bella was about things.

Putting the truck in gear, I gently pushed down on the gas… the truck rumbled out of the garage. Jumping out, I closed the doors and locked up before I got back inside and we headed toward the highway.

Turning down one of the many back roads, we drove, listening to the radio, and talking about a pretty wide variety of things. Many of the funny things she told me was when she was working as a waitress. She had witnessed a fight in which the two involved almost fell over her feet, to having to call for help when customers fainted or even some of her coworkers. I realized that these moments might have changed her some, but they made her more interesting to me.

We drove for an hour or so when I realized where we were, and I pulled over to the side of the road to park. Opening the door, I got out and walked out to the spot that Bella had once asked me to dance with her. I heard the door slam on the truck and the sound of her foot steps coming toward me. Then in the distance, I heard the rumble of thunder. Looking up to the sky, I saw that a storm was coming in.

"Edward…"

Turning to face her, she looked concerned, almost worried about me.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I was just thinking about stuff that I wish I could do differently."

The sound of the thunder rumbled again, louder this time… the storm was coming and it would be here soon.

She turned her attention to the sky too, noticing the clouds.

"Maybe we should start heading home, Edward. Looks like its going to come pouring down here soon."

"We still have a little while, Bells. Let's stay here for a little longer."

"Okay…"

Standing there I don't know what came over me, but I had the urge to touch her, but how to make it seem not so obvious… then I thought of the perfect idea… a request that she had once asked me.

"Bella… would you dance with me?"

She looked at me for a moment, like I was crazy, and I was… absolutely crazy about her.

"Edward… we don't have any music."

Walking toward her I pulled her toward me, wrapping my arms around her.

"I believe you asked me to dance once and I answered with that very response, and we worked it out just fine."

Smiling, she let her arms snake around my neck, letting her head rest on my shoulder as I began to hum the song that I had written just for her. She exhaled a gentle sigh, as we danced there in that field, the thunder becoming louder by the minute.

Then I felt a drop of rain on my face, I knew it was a matter of time before it started, but I didn't want to let her go. This was where I wanted her to be, and I was greedy… I needed this, wanted this more than anything I ever wanted.

"Edward, it's starting to rain," she whispered.

"I know. We'll go soon."

Then something I hadn't expected happened. The clouds opened up and the rain began to thunder down upon us. The water was beating against our bodies and plastering our hair to our skin. I thought that Bella would jerk away from me, and make a run for the truck, but she didn't, her arms tightened around me, leaning into my body, closing all distance between us.

My heart was thundering just as loud as the thunder from above us, and I had to see her face, so I pulled back to see that her hair was hanging over her lovely eyes, hiding them from my view. Still holding her close with one arm, I used my free hand to touch her chin, allowing me to raise it slightly. Then I touched her face, processing how soft her skin was before I gently pushed away her hair.

Lightning cracked in that moment letting me see her eyes for a second. They were wide with wonder… it was the sexiest thing I had ever seen in my life. My hand never left her face, it continued to move slowly across her skin as the rain abused our bodies. Then I noticed that her hand was beginning to move too… starting to stroke my face with the backside of her hand.

What was she doing to me? Did she want to make me crazy? I wanted her. More than she knew, and her hand barely touching my face was making me want more than just a gentle caress of her hand.

My free hand started to trace her facial features, trying to memorize everything about her. Stroking my thumb across her eyes…down her nose… across her sensuous lips, my mind wanted to do more. It was when I moved my hand along her jaw line and she moved into my caress that I thought I would lose it.

Lightning lit up the sky yet again, and her eyes were smoldering with something that had been hidden from view but now was where I could see it… I couldn't take it any more. I had to know…

Tightening my hold on her body, she never flinched away from me. She looked straight at me, her eyes never leaving mine. My hand began to snake itself into the long waves of her hair, pulling her face closer to me. I moved slowly, not wanting to scare her, but something told me that nothing could scare her in this moment. Her hand was firmly locked on my neck, the other around my waist.

Then I did what I never thought I would do. As the sky lit up with lightning, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers, letting go of all my fear, all my worries, taking this moment. Finding out what my heart and body always wanted to know. I had no more fear, no regrets… just this moment with this woman that was now kissing me back.


	37. Chapter 36: Confrontations

Hello Everyone.

For starters… MERRY CHRISTMAS. Yeah, I know I am running late today, but its still Christmas here for another hour and fifteen minutes.

I am so sorry that it took me so long to update. I have had some problems in the real world that I needed to deal with before I could finish the chapter. Please forgive me. Hopefully this chapter was worth the wait.

The Normal Stuff: The Twilight Saga and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Check out my fave authors and stories… they are awesome. Check out my friends stories too… DID by Dollegirl and No Regrets by RedChevy. Also, come over to the twilighted forums and hang out… we are a very interesting group of people and I am known to leave a teaser or two along the way.

To my sweet reviewers… You made this last chapter the most reviewed chapter so far. Thanks. You are truly awesome and I love you guys. I feel horrible that I haven't had a chance to answer your lovely reviews though. Again, real life has been keeping me down some.

To my lovely ladies over on twilighted… Halo, ECyesplease, Red, Dolle, Who, pwtf, and everyone else… love ya! I must give another shout out to my Red, she is just too awesome. Thanks again for letting me talk out some of my chapter issues and just being a good friend. I love you BB.

Finally, I wanted to let everyone know I am leaving Saturday to visit my friend in Chicago. I am so excited, but that also means that I am not going to be home to work on the next chapter. I will be gone for a week, so that means I will be home after the New Year. So, I will start working on it as soon as I come home, so please give me some time to get back into the swing of things and write it. I promise to have it out as soon as I can. I would give you a hint, but some would hunt me down and drag me home and force me to write it if they knew. So I wish you all a very Happy New Year and I will see you in the New Year.

Now, on with our story…

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Chapter 36 Confrontations Song: Halo by Bethany Joy Lenz  
Reasoning: I was just thinking about this song a lot lately. I think it says a lot about Bella at times. How she feels she is viewed even. Plus I love the song in general.

* * *

Chapter 36: Confrontations

**Mid March 2008**

When Edward and I loaded up in the truck and went for a drive, I thought it was going to be an ordinary night… one that had us hanging out like old times. Nothing could have prepared me for what was come.

Edward pulled over to the side of the road, and got out of the truck before I could even say anything to him. I watched as he strode out into the field, and I couldn't help but be amazed by his presence in my life. No matter how angry I had been with him for hurting me, especially when he was with Tanya, I still cared about him, just having him in my life made me happy, happier than I had been in a really long time. I never knew that one person could change my life so much.

Getting out of the truck, I walked slowly out to him, my eyes constantly studying him, trying to understand where he was since it was obvious that he wasn't here with me. As soon as I got close enough to reach out and touch him, I heard the thunder roll around us. Looking up I saw the clouds rolling in, and I looked back to him, his eyes staring up to the sky too.

"Edward…" I started.

He turned to look at me, letting me see something, something I had never seen before in my life. His eyes were dark, very mysterious, and flooded with some emotion, one that I had never seen him give me before.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I was just thinking about things that I wish I could do differently."

His words made wonder about what he wanted to change in his life. He always appeared to be so sure of himself, that he was sure of what he needed to do with his life, but hearing that simple phrase made me wonder what part of his life created this deep sadness within him. Never in my life had I heard my friend so sad, so heartbroken. I had to resist the urge to reach out and touch his hand, to comfort him. It wasn't my place to offer such solace, it never would be.

It continued to thunder around us, and I then turned my eyes back to the sky to see the thunderheads were still coming in. The storm that was coming toward Forks was huge, that much was clear.

"Maybe we should start heading home, Edward. Looks like its going to come pouring down here soon."

"We still have a little while, Bells. Let's stay here for a little longer," he answered.

"Okay."

Standing there, I could hear the quietness of our surroundings, and the closeness that we shared, though we weren't even touching. I couldn't really describe though… it was just there.

"Bella… would you dance with me?"

Turning to him, I couldn't help but wonder what brought him to ask that question. He was crazy. We were on the verge of a thunderstorm, and here he was asking me to dance in a field… without music.

"Edward… We don't have any music."

He walked to me and slipped his arms around me. I almost gasped at the closeness and my heart skipping a beat along way.

"I believe you asked me to dance once and I answered with that very response, and we worked it out just fine."

I couldn't help but remember the words that I had spoken to him years before. How could he remember that? It was only an important memory to me. Sighing, I slipped my arms around his neck, laying my head on his strong shoulder as he began to hum. Quickly I realized it was the song that he had just played for me just before we left the garage. The piece was so beautiful, and it stunned me to know he created something so exquisite. I couldn't help but wonder what inspired him to write something like that.

Then a stray drop of rain dripped down on my arm, causing me to shiver slightly. I knew we needed to go, but something inside told me to stay. To stay with him, I wanted nothing more than to stay with him always though I never would have the chance. Old feelings die hard… that's for sure.

"Edward, it's starting to rain," I whispered.

"I know. We'll go soon."

The words barely escaped his lips when the heavens opened up and the rain fell in thunderous streams. My hair started to cling to my face, and I pulled myself closer to his strong body, trying to keep the rain from beating down on me.

He suddenly pulled back some, his hand gently touching my face, lifting my chin so I was almost looking at him. He never released his grip on my waist, but used his other hand to push away some of the hair that had fallen in my face.

When I looked into his eyes, I could have sworn that there was desire in them. That he wanted me, but that couldn't be true, he wanted to be my friend… that's what he told me all those years ago. With his free hand still touching my face, I watched him. Without me realizing it for a moment, I had released one of my arms from around his neck and brought my hand down to touch his face… I could feel the slight stubble as I brushed it gently along his jaw.

He moved his thumb over many of my features, caressing them gently. When he finally ran his hand across my jaw line, I felt my body reacting, leaning into his touch.

Lightning continued to crack around us, but I couldn't bring myself to care. The only thing that mattered was what was going on in this moment, with this man that had been such a huge part of my life.

When he tightened his grip on waist, I should have been afraid, but I wasn't. His eyes were focused completely on me, and I felt his hand start to weave into my wet hair, starting to pull me closer to him. My hands had now locked themselves in place, one at his neck, one at his waist. I didn't know what was happening, but I couldn't move away from it nor did I want to try.

In a swift movement, he brought his lips to mine. At first I was shocked, I didn't know what to do. He moved his lips slowly, in a teasing motion over mine. Then, suddenly, my mind clicked everything into place. Edward was kissing me and it felt good.

I knew it was wrong within moments of its start, but my body wanted this, craved this man's kisses more than anything in the world. It wasn't like any kiss I'd ever had… not that I was really experienced in kissing in the first place. Something about this kiss, made me relax, and I began to kiss him back. I never wanted this to stop, this was my teenage dream come true. This man, the one I wanted so badly, now was doing something I never thought he would do.

He kept pulling me closer, not allowing any distance between us, not that I wanted the distance. His kisses became fiercer and more passionate as the seconds ticked by, but suddenly he pulled back, both of us gasping for air.

His eyes sparkled, I was sure, because the lightning flashed and I saw them. As soon as his lips left mine though, my first thought was of Jake. Oh my God… I just kissed a man that wasn't my fiancé… and I liked it, and wanted nothing more than to kiss him again.

He grabbed my hand and dragged me back to the truck, throwing open the door for me and then shutting it behind me before I had to a chance to close it myself. When he got inside the truck, he wouldn't look at me as he started the engine and threw it into drive.

We drove in silence, but my heart was pounding within my chest. I could still feel the warmth and tingle of his lips on mine, and my mind couldn't rationalize how his touch made my body shiver, not even Jake could make me feel that way. Jake's kisses weren't like that. I mean, they were nice, but they never made me feel like I was going to melt into nothingness. Edward's kiss though, made me want to more than kiss, more than I had ever given to a man in my life.

Mostly, I couldn't help but wonder what was going on in his mind right now. Edward's concentration appeared to be on the road and nothing else, but I knew him better than that. He was deep in thought about what had just happened. What made him do that? What made him kiss me like that? Maybe he thought I was someone else or something… he wouldn't want to kiss me like that. I was just Bella, plain… ordinary Bella.

Edward pulled into the driveway at my house and turned the key to kill the engine. The rain was still coming down in streams as he got out and quickly came over to open my door. Grabbing my hand he took me up to the house, both of us dripping wet from the rain. Pulling my keys from my pocket, I opened the door and went inside, Edward followed me after I had reached the other side of the living room.

The door shut, and I turned to see him staring down at the floor, water dripping from his disheveled hair. I wanted to cross the room and touch his face, like he had touched mine, but it was wrong. He wasn't mine to comfort. I was engaged, even though I wanted nothing more than to see what this meant… I couldn't.

I had made a commitment to Jacob, and I cared about him. I already felt horrible for kissing Edward, as good as it was, it wasn't right for me to want it again. In a way, I felt that I had been unfaithful. I might have not had sex with him, but I was taught by Charlie and Renee that you have to be faithful to your husband, even though he wasn't technically my husband yet.

"Bella…"

Turning to look at him, I saw the regret in his eyes. Studying his expression, I didn't know what to expect to come from him. This was new and uncharted ground.

"I'm sorry. I got caught up in this moment and I let myself go somewhere that I shouldn't have."

Pausing, I tried to process what he was saying… every word cutting me to my soul. He was saying it was mistake to kiss me. It hurt so much, I wanted nothing more than to die. It shouldn't have been affecting me so much, but it was. He wasn't meant for me and I was promised to Jacob. So why did hurt?

"I'm going to go," he said as he grabbed the door knob.

"Edward, don't go," I begged.

He smiled at me before he opened the door and he was gone in a flash. I ran to the window to see him get in the truck and he was gone within seconds.

Walking back toward the couch, I collapsed to the floor and sobbed. I knew it wasn't meant for me, and that I was already spoken for, but it still hurt. I didn't know why I was crying for him, but I was. It was Edward, and I was fool to keep letting him get in enough to hurt me again, and again. He was still the man that I loved long ago, and it still hurt. Maybe Jacob was right… maybe it was too much for me to have Edward in my life.

**Two Weeks Later… April 2008**

Two weeks had passed since Edward played the piano for me and kissed me in the rain, and now it almost seemed like a distant memory. During that time, Edward hadn't been around as much and though I didn't question it, I still missed him. He called everyday, always right before I would go upstairs to get into bed. We would talk about everything that we did in a day, and he got in a habit of humming that song to me. There was something about it that made me feel safe and loved.

I never questioned Edward about the kiss we shared, I knew there was no point. He wouldn't talk about it even if I wanted to. He must have been embarrassed that he even kissed me. I wasn't his type, and I knew that, he was ashamed to have kissed me all.

When he did come over, it was normally with Jasper and Emmett in tow. They liked my house a little more for watching TV, why I wasn't exactly sure, but it made me happy to see them all the time. Most of the time, I would sit and work on my story or curl up in a chair with a book, it was still nice to have them around.

Alice and Rosalie had been working almost twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week in preparations for both the wedding and engagement party. I had been trying to talk them out of the engagement party, but they wouldn't hear it. They said I deserved to have a party and have all of Jake's and my friends there to celebrate our upcoming wedding that was fast approaching.

Jake and Kat were going to be flying in soon for the party, and that made me feel sort of uncomfortable. This was going to be the first time I had seen Jake since leaving for Forks, and I had a lot of guilt going through me about the whole kiss with Edward, something that had been haunting my dreams a lot lately.

So, sitting on my porch, I saw when Jake and Kat were pulling into the driveway. I jumped up and ran into Jake's open arms, but my guilt sat in the back of my mind, though I did a good job of hiding it from him. It was wonderful to be back in the arms of the man that loved me, but knowing what I had done, made it hard for me to be near him. My acting skills were becoming really useful lately.

"Hello, beautiful," he whispered. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, Jake."

Kat was standing behind Jake and could see through my carefully made façade just by looking into my eyes. She knew something was wrong, but wouldn't ask now. She would wait till she could jump me and catch me off guard when Jake wasn't around.

I clung to Jake for a moment, trying to remember why I was marrying him. He was good to me, cared about me, wanted me to be happy, was honest, and truly a genuine person… the perfect person to marry. He would be a wonderful and caring husband to me, and that was what I wanted, at least I thought so.

When he released me, Kat pulled me into a hug.

"We'll talk later," she whispered into my ear.

Pulling back, I nodded to her. Helping them unload their luggage, Jake carried his stuff up to my room, while I followed Kat into my parents' old room. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, I watched her start to unfold some of her things, not speaking to me yet. How do you tell someone that you cheated on your fiancé… not in the physical aspects of actually having sex, but I still kissed Edward, and on some level I still wanted to? Damn, I was just too moral about stuff.

There was a knock at the door, and Jake leaned into the room.

"I just got a call from my dad, so I need to run over to La Push. I'll be back in a couple hours okay?"

"Yeah, be careful."

Stepping in, he kissed me on the cheek, before he shut the door. Kat didn't say anything until she heard the front door open and shut behind him.

"What's going on with you? You aren't acting like yourself," Kat's voice sounded confused.

"You don't want to know," I replied.

Throwing herself down on the bed, she turned to look at me.

"What happened?"

"How do you know something happened?" I couldn't help but ask.

"I can read you like a book, Bella, and I would guess it has something to do with your best friend too."

Sighing, I covered my face with my hands. Why does she have to know me so well?

"Bella…"

"If I told you what happened, you wouldn't believe me."

"Try me."

Sighing, I told her everything, told her about the piano playing, the thunderstorm and the kiss that had rocked my life to the very core. Her eyes were soft during the whole explanation, I knew she wouldn't have one of those 'I told you so' attitudes, but it was still hard to tell her this thing that I had kept hidden from everyone, including Alice and Rosalie, which was a very challenging thing.

"So, he leaned in and kissed you huh?"

I nodded, still feeling all the shame that had built up within me.

"I never thought he would get up enough courage to do that."

My eyes went wide at her response and she began to chuckle as she looked at me, shaking her head. Honestly, I really didn't know why she found it so funny.

"Don't laugh at me. This is horrible."

"Bella, are you blind?" She asked.

"Uh… I guess I am because I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Bella, he cares about you. More than he will actually admit to himself or you. He felt bad for kissing you not because he didn't want to kiss you, but because you are engaged to someone else. Duh."

I hated it when she got like that, all knowing and sarcastic. Rolling my eyes, I turned away from her.

"You must be delusional, because Edward told me that he didn't think of me that way. Need I remind you of the whole breakdown back in college?"

"Things change though, Bells. You both have grown up a lot since then. Things have happened to both of you. Have you ever considered that?"

No, and I wasn't going to. As much as my body wanted Edward, I knew he wasn't healthy for me. He didn't love me that much I was sure of. Jake loved me and I wanted the stable life that Edward couldn't provide for me but Jacob could. Our worlds were miles apart, though I wished it wasn't true. I couldn't go back to being that girl in Forks, I had a career and a life that Edward wasn't a part of.

"It doesn't matter, Kat. We have picked our paths, we have to live with them now."

"You don't believe that Bella," she stated.

Turning to look into her sad eyes, I was confused by her remark. I did believe what I was saying to be true. How could she not know that? At least I thought I was being truthful.

"I do. Jake is my future. Edward is my friend and is in my past. It's just the way that things have to be. Edward will find someone someday."

She stood and walked toward the door, but paused just as she opened it. Turning back to me, her eyes looked deeply into mine.

"The reason you want Jake is because you are scared. You're afraid to feel something that is real. Jake may love _you_ Bella, but you don't love him. You are settling for someone that doesn't give you those butterflies like Edward does, or makes you laugh, or can put you in your place when you need to be brought down a peg or two. Damn, Bella… Your heart has always belonged to Edward, and it always will. Only when you realize that will you be happy and your life will be less complicated. I wish I could force you into realizing this, but I can't. You have to figure it out and I guess it will only happen in time."

She shut the door behind her as she left the room, leaving me sitting there alone. All her comments burned deep within my soul, but it didn't matter… it wasn't true. I loved Jake, didn't I? Of course I did. I wouldn't be marrying him if I didn't. She was just saying things to confuse me. No, she wouldn't do that. She cares too much about me and my happiness. So why were all my thoughts still flooded with the bronze haired man with the emerald eyes?

**The Night of the Engagement Party**

I was lying face down on my bed when Alice and Rosalie entered the room. Both were as bubbly as ever… me, I just wanted to die. The urge to hide was ever present in my life, mostly because I wanted to avoid being the center of attention at all costs, though I knew it would be tough to avoid it since I was going to be the bride at a wedding in three weeks.

"Come on, Bella. You have to get ready," chirped Alice.

"Bite me," I mumbled into my pillow.

"Bella!" cried Rosalie.

Rolling over, I saw both their shocked expressions. I knew they meant well, but the thought of this party made my engagement real. It wasn't that my engagement hadn't been real before now, it just made it more concrete since they were planning a party to celebrate it. The whole situation made me feel weird, especially since I knew I was supposed to be happy. I was happy to a point, but something told me that I wasn't as happy as I was supposed to be under the current circumstances.

"I'm sorry. I just don't like this kind of stuff. This is what you both love, me… not so much," I said waving my hands around being kind of dramatic.

"Oh, Bella. You will love it. We didn't plan anything too fancy, since neither you or Jake is too extravagant. It's simple but classy," explained Alice as she sat down at my desk.

Rolling my eyes, I couldn't help but still be worried. I knew my friends, and nothing was simple and classy. Everything ended up too fancy and complicated.

"Get in the shower. We have lots to do before we head over to Mom's," started Rosalie as she pulled me from the bed and pushed me out the door.

Shutting the bathroom door, I groaned as I leaned my back up against it. As more time passed, the more worried about this wedding I became, mostly because I felt guilty for kissing Edward. I knew he was the one that kissed me, but it still made me feel bad.

I showered quickly and pulled on my fuzzy robe, since I knew Alice and Rose were waiting outside to primp me for the party that I wanted to avoid like the plague. When I got back to my bedroom, they had a variety of hair products along with tons of makeup spread around the room and my desk chair rolled out into the center. Sighing, I sat down, closing my eyes with hopes of pushing my worries from my mind.

I could hear my friends talking to me as they made me over for the party, but I didn't care really about what they were saying. I had other things on my mind, one being I had to figure out a way to keep my best friend and fiancé from killing one another. He never said anything about it, but I knew that Jake was still furious on some level that Edward was going to be in the wedding, no matter how small the role. Edward was just acting funny as well. The closer the wedding got the more on edge he became. The one time that Edward and Jake saw each other was when he dropped off some samples for the engagement party for Alice and if looks could kill, Jake would have had Edward dead and buried as soon as he stepped on the front porch.

"Bella… are you listening to me."

Opening my eyes, Alice's expression glowed with anger.

"Sorry. Thinking."

"You need to stop over thinking things. You are getting married and you should be happy. Jake's a great guy and he will make you a very good husband."

Rosalie didn't say anything, but I could see her rolling her eyes at Alice's comments. I wasn't sure why she was rolling her eyes, but who knew with Rosalie.

"I'm just worried that Jake and Edward won't play nice with one another," I said with a sigh.

"My brother will be on the best behavior, Bells. I promise. I'll talk to him. I'll actually call him on the way back to Mom and Dad's. Okay?"

I nodded, and went back to my thoughts, hoping that maybe I could still calm myself before the party.

"We're done," chirped Rose.

Opening my eyes again, I was shocked. My eyes appeared to be a deeper shade of chocolate and my lips were traced with a pearly pink shade of lipstick. Rosalie had pulled my hair up into an elegant clip of gold, my hair draping down in long curls.

"You look beautiful," squealed Alice. "Now, put this on."

In her hands was a silk evening dress the most brilliant shade of blue I had ever seen. I knew my eyes must have looked wide with disbelief when I saw it. I couldn't wear something like that. It wasn't my style or taste.

"Don't you even say it won't look beautiful on you. This dress is perfect for you, I should know, I picked it out," chuckled Alice.

She pushed the dress into my hands and pulled Rosalie out of the room. Dropping my robe to the floor, I slipped the dress around my body and turned to look at myself in the mirror. Alice was right, it was beautiful, but not something I really felt too comfortable wearing. It had very thin straps and a deep neckline that was lined with small blue crystals. I knew Jake would love it though. He was always telling me how beautiful I was and that I should be wearing clothes that show off how I look, but I couldn't. I would always be that girl that wore the baggy jeans and hoodie sweatshirts.

The door clicked open from behind me and I knew it was my friends, checking to see if I was still dressed in my robe. Turning to look at them, they smiled at me. Rosalie came forward and helped smooth out the dress, her eyes studying me closely.

"Alice, I'll finish getting Bella ready, you need to get home and get ready too. Plus you still need to call Edward," Rosalie's voice sounded very strange while she spoke.

"Okay… see you in a bit, Bella."

Alice bound down the stairs, and shut the door behind her as my attention turned to Rosalie. I knew what Rose had done… she wanted to talk to me and figured that I wouldn't talk to her about anything if Alice was around. I really don't know how Alice didn't see it honestly, Rose wasn't being really secretive about it.

"Are you okay, Bella?"

"I'm not sure."

We both walked over and had a seat on my bed. I couldn't tell her I was still thinking about a kiss that didn't mean anything.

"Bella, are you sure you want to marry Jake?"

I was a taken aback by the question. I couldn't afford to think about it for too long, or it would give off the impression that I didn't want to marry Jake so I reacted immediately.

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?" I answered my mind full of guilt.

"Your eyes tell me otherwise."

"It's nothing, Rose."

"Bella, you can tell me anything. You know that right?"

"Of course, Rose. It's just…"

I paused before I spoke, not wanting to reveal too much about what was really going on inside my mind.

"It feels like too much is happening now. Overload I guess."

"That's understandable, your life is getting ready to change forever, and you will have more responsibilities being a wife, and maybe a mom someday."

The thought of being a mother terrified me some. Maybe because it wasn't a role that I had given much thought to, up to this point. Even the role of wife scared me some. I knew that my life would be completely different when I married Jake and there would be new expectations, but I figured that I would be able to handle whatever was thrown my way.

"You're right about that," I mumbled.

Standing up she walked over to my jewelry box and pulled out a pair of diamond earrings, and a matching pendant. I had never seen them before.

"It's a present from me and Emmett. No reason. Just because we love you so much and are happy you are home right now. Oh… and these are the shoes for that dress," she said as she pointed to a pair of stiletto heals that were located by my closet door.

She helped me with the necklace and I put in the earrings before I walked over for the shoes. When I stood after putting them on, I said a silent prayer hoping that I wouldn't fall or make a fool out of myself at my own engagement party. Rosalie smiled brightly to me as she helped me walk out of my room and down the stairs.

"I've got to go Bella, I have to get ready too. I'll see you at the party. Jake will be meeting you there right?" Asked Rosalie.

"Yeah."

Jake had left early in the morning. He had some things to take care of with his friends in La Push. Plus, he had to show many of his friends how to get to the Cullens house, since it was in a pretty remote part of the area. Everyone else knew the way. Kat was out running a couple of errands and should be back soon. We would ride together to the party.

"You really do look beautiful, Bella. He is going to love you in that dress."

"Yeah, Jake is going to love it."

"No, Bella… Edward."

She smiled, and shut the door behind her as she left me standing in the middle of my living room. What was she talking about???

I began to pace back and forth, thinking about what she said. Her comments weren't putting my mind ease at all and were making me more nervous than I actually was before I started to get ready. Looking up at the clock, I saw it was slightly after four, and that the party would be starting around five thirty. Kat had to be getting back soon.

No quicker than I had thought her name, she came in the front door, her hands full of shopping bags.

"Hello there 'Alice'."

"Not funny, Bella. I had to find something to wear to this party, plus I had to pick up a couple of other things."

She climbed the stairs and left me standing alone. I could hear her moving around upstairs, going from the bathroom back to her room, and back again. Less than thirty minutes later, she was coming down the stairs dressed in a simple pant suit, her hair in a tight bun. Her eyes sparkled under the light makeup she wore. She never knew it but she was a simple beauty.

"Ready?" She asked as she picked up the keys to my rental.

"I guess," I sighed.

Locking the door behind us, we got in the car. Due to the fact that I was wearing the death traps I figured it would be safer to let Kat drive, so she slowly slipped the car into reverse and began to drive toward the Cullens house. She was singing along with some random song on the radio while she drove, I just sat in silence, trying to mentally prepare myself for what was going to be happening around me.

Kat drove a little faster than I would have, and we arrived as Emmett and Rosalie were getting out of their Jeep. Rosalie had her hair up in a clip, and was wearing a pink evening dress. Emmett was well dressed too, so I knew that Rose picked out his clothes. I couldn't help but chuckle.

Walking toward the porch, I looked up at the house, and I was surprised to see Edward pacing back and forth in his room. It made me wonder what was on his mind. What was making him so worried or nervous?

My hand barely touched the door knob when Alice pulled it open, bouncing up and down and pulling me into the house. My eyes roamed the room seeing what she had done to the house in preparations for the many guests that would soon be arriving. The rooms were filled with white linens, soft light, and a table with some of the fanciest foods I had ever seen in my life.

Alice was talking non-stop as she pulled me through the house, passing by Esme and Carlisle who were already seated in the living room on the couch. I smiled shyly as they waved to me as Alice continued to talk.

"Bella?"

Turning to look at her, she glared at me.

"Stop worrying. It's going to be fine."

"Okay, Alice."

Sighing, I continued walking through the house in search of my friend, but to my surprise he was nowhere to be found. I could hear people arriving and Alice and Rosalie were playing the role of hostess very well. As I walked around the house, I kept wondering what was plaguing my friend, but until I found him, I wouldn't know.

"Hello, my darling."

I felt a strong pair of arms snaking themselves around me. Looking down at the arms, I knew who it was. Turning slightly, I saw the look of pure love in Jacob's eyes. Smiling, I leaned up against his strong body for a moment.

"When did you get here?" I asked.

"A few moments ago. Alice is talking to my dad, Quil, and Embry at the moment. Everyone else will be here later."

"Hmm. I just hope we can survive this tonight. I would rather be at home with a book or having all my teeth pulled with no drugs," I sighed.

Jake chuckled at my response, pulling me closer to him. He finally released me to entwine his fingers with mine, and led me back toward the front of the house. We then started to help Alice and Rosalie with greeting the guests. I didn't know many of Jake's friends very well, but they seemed to be very charming. I squealed with joy when I saw Angela coming through the door, on the arm of a man that I recognized as Ben from high school. She was one of my favorite people outside of the Cullens and Hales that I talked to. We talked about old times for a moment, and kept going on and on about how sad it was that we had lost touch. A promise was made that we wouldn't let it happen again.

When we were sure that all the guests had arrived, Jake and I began to circulate among them, talking about everything. I talked about my upcoming book's release, about my mother, who was unable to come to the party but would be here for the wedding and about Jake. As I talked, I noticed Edward leaning up against a wall on the other side of the room. His eyes were locked on me, and there was no denying that. Excusing myself, I tried to make my way to him, but he quickly moved and by the time I reached the last place that I had seen him I realized he was gone. Where did he go?

As I circulated around the house, I kept being stopped for a few moments here and there in my search to find Edward. I would politely move on as soon as I could in hopes of finally finding him. It was when I neared the entrance to Carlisle's office that I heard his voice, along with another voice that really didn't need to be there.

"I know what you are doing."

"I don't have any clue what you are talking about, Jake."

"The hell you don't. I see the way that you look at her. You think I am blind?!"

The door was partially cracked open, and I peaked inside to see them standing in front of each other, Jake's eyes flooded with rage.

"Jake you are getting upset about something that isn't really there."

"You love her. I see it. Everyone sees it. Only Bella is blind to that fact."

Edward turned away from him, looking at the back wall of the study. Turning around again, I noticed Edward's eyes. I had never seen him look so cold at anyone before.

"I want Bella to be happy. If it's with you, so be it, Jacob Black. But I warn you, if you ever hurt her, break her heart, I will personally make your life miserable. Do I make myself clear?"

Jake stepped forward, as close as possible to my friend, daggers blazing from his eyes.

"If I could do it, I would take every memory, every feeling that Bella ever had for you away. You hurt her, and I want nothing more than to destroy you, but I can't. It would hurt Bella too much and she would never forgive me for doing anything to you."

He was right. He couldn't do anything to Edward without me either getting angry or going into a crying fit. What he didn't know was that this confrontation was making me furious. Who asked him to do this to Edward? He had no right to.

"Well, Jacob, you are going to have to deal with the disappointment that you can't do that, aren't you?"

Edward then turned and began to walk toward the door, causing me to back up and duck into Emmett's old room. I held my breath as he passed not wanting him to know that I had been so close and that I might have over heard their conversation. His footsteps were loud against the floor, and I finally breathed a sigh of relief after I knew he was far away from the door. Jake passed by the door soon after though, heading back toward the party and likely looking for me.

Not long after they left, I slipped from the room and headed back toward the party. Trying to act as if I hadn't heard the argument between my fiancé and best friend wasn't something that I could easily do. I was beyond furious, but I had to appear happy and completely at ease. Everyone wanted to talk to me, and I wanted nothing more than to melt into the walls and not be seen.

"Hey babe."

Turning around, I looked into the smiling face of Jacob. I wanted to drag him out of the room and tear him a new one, but I knew it wasn't the time or place for it, so I had to compose myself to keep myself from killing him on the spot.

"Hey," I said, my voice dripping with my annoyance.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing. Just let it go right now."

"Okay. Alice was looking for you. She's getting ready to serve the food and she wants to propose a toast before we eat."

Alice and her formal ways… why???

"Alright, I'll be there in a minute. Let me get myself together."

"Okay, babe. See you in there."

Turning he left me standing there and I wanted to scream to the heavens. He was acting like nothing had happened in Carlisle's study and it was infuriating knowing what he did and I couldn't do anything about it.

I mentally calmed myself some before I stepped back into the dining room, which was serving as the central location of the party. Jake was standing near Alice talking quietly as I walked forward. Jake turned to smile at me as I approached, Alice caught my obvious mood change just by looking at me even though I appeared completely at ease.

Jake wrapped his arm around my waist as soon as I got close enough to him that he could reach me. I wanted to push him away but it would look a little odd having the bride pushing away her groom.

"Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention?"

Everyone turned to see Alice standing just slightly in front of us, a glass of wine in hand.

"I want to propose a toast to my best friend, Bella and to her future husband, Jacob. I wish you many years of happiness and all the joys that marriage will bring to your life. To Jacob and Bella…"

The crowd toasted our happiness, but it was when I saw Edward's glare and his glass still full that I knew that there was definitely something wrong. Looking to Jake, I saw a smug smile that I knew was being directed back to Edward. Turning my eyes back to my friend, he was looking at me, watching me closely. Almost like he was trying to figure out what was going through my mind at this moment.

He finally turned and walked out of the room, and I tried to follow him again, but was stopped by future father-in-law asking me questions about the wedding ceremony. When I got away I went outside looking for him and I saw that he was nowhere in sight. I sat myself down on the front steps, and settled my face in my hands. This was supposed to be a happy moment, but it was more like pure hell.

The party went on for another couple of hours, and I ended up greeting more people than I actually knew, and when the final person left I was hoping that Edward would surface at last so I could talk to him, but he never did. I asked Emmett and Jasper where he was and they said that they saw him leave the party hours ago. Knowing he left me there made me sad.

Jake kissed my cheek before he went to his car to take his father back to La Push. I knew I was being cold to him, but I wasn't really sure what else I could do. I couldn't pretend that I didn't see him picking a fight with Edward.

Kat was watching me closely as I walked toward the car, and got inside. She didn't speak a word to me though. She knew me well enough to know it wasn't the time to ask me about it. I had to figure out what to do before I could talk to her about what was going on inside my mind. So when we got back to the house, I went inside and up to my room. Striping off my dress, I pulled on a t-shirt and pajama pants and slipped myself into bed, closing my eyes hoping to shut out my worries, but I knew it was pointless.

Not long after I got in bed, I heard the door open and Jake come inside. I pretended to be asleep as I heard him pulling off his clothes and felt the bed shift as he climbed in beside me. I felt him wrap a warm arm around my waist and a sigh as he started to try to fall asleep. I remained still, trying to keep up my illusion of slumber.

I don't know how long I laid there, but I knew I wanted to sleep. I wanted these feelings gone. I had so much guilt over kissing Edward, and now my fiancé threatens my friend, and I still feel guilty. It was becoming more than I could handle. It wasn't like I could ever tell Jake that Edward kissed me. He would try to murder him, and I wasn't sure if I could deal with my fiancé being put away for murder or missing my friend if he accomplished his mission. Sad as it was, I would probably miss Edward more… probably because I had been his friend for so long.

It was around four in the morning when I so worn out that I finally felt myself start to drift off into a slumbering state. The last thought I had was of that moment in the rain… when I felt Edward's lips press up against mine.

**The Morning After the Engagement Party**

I only slept for a couple of hours before I woke up, with no hopes of going back to sleep. Jake still had a tight grip around my waist, and I gently pried his hands away from me, and slipped from the bed. Shutting the door behind me, I looked to see the bedroom door to where Kat was sleeping was still shut, meaning she was still asleep.

Going down the stairs, I jumped the squeaky step, and crossed the living room to reach the kitchen. I clicked on the coffee maker, and pulled out a chair, slumping down in it. The silence echoed throughout the house, and let me go back to repeating the events of the party again and again.

When the coffee was made, I poured a cup and settled down again. By then, I could hear Kat rummaging around upstairs, and it was only a matter of time before she was downstairs to drink coffee with me. So when I heard the sound of footsteps on the stairs, I assumed it was Kat.

"Hey Babe."

Turning, I saw Jake leaning up against the wall between the living room and kitchen, dressed only in a pair of shorts. I looked at him for only a second before I turned away, focusing my attention on my cup of coffee.

"What's wrong?" He asked, walking into the room, circling the table to see my face.

I kept my face down, concentrating on the wood grains of the table, grinding my teeth to keep myself from screaming.

"Bella… talk to me."

My eyes snapped up to meet his, and I knew I couldn't keep it inside anymore.

"I can not believe you," I growled.

"What are you talking about?"

"I know what you did last night, and I am not happy about it either."

"Bella you need to let me know what you are talking about because you aren't making any sense."

"I heard what you said to Edward last night. You had no right to say anything to him."

"So you were spying on me then?" He grumbled.

"No, but when you walk past a room and you hear two people that you know and do not like one another, you would be curious to know what they would want to say to each other."

"He needed to hear that, Bella. I'm your fiancé, and I am not going to stand by and let him think that he can take you away from me."

"Edward doesn't feel that way about me, Jake. I am engaged to you, and I am marrying you. Why would you start something that isn't necessary?"

He stiffened as he stood there looking at me, his eyes burning with anger.

"Bella you are blind if you don't see it. You would be jealous too if you saw another woman watching me the way _he_ watches you, obviously wanting more than friendship."

Rolling my eyes, I took another sip from my coffee, trying to calm myself down internally, since I didn't want to say something that I would come to regret.

"Jake, you shouldn't have said anything that is the point I am trying to make. Edward is my friend, and I can handle him."

"I am not going to stand by and let him hurt you again," he yelled.

"It's not your place to do that. I don't say anything about your friends, and I would appreciate if you did the same thing with my friends."

"Maybe you like it then…"

My eyes snapped back to his again.

"How dare you? Edward has been my friend since I was nine, I lost him over something stupid, and I don't intend on losing him again because you are jealous," I screamed.

By now, Kat was downstairs watching us yell at one another.

"HEY!" She screamed.

Both of us turned to see her standing there, her arms crossed across her chest.

"Both of you need to chill out. Jake, you need to stay away from Edward. Bella, you need to remember that Jake loves you and only wants what is best for you. You guys can't be fighting about stupid stuff like this."

Somewhere deep inside me, I knew she was right, but it didn't make that feeling of rage leave me. Jake wasn't letting his anger go either. He never would. He would always see Edward as a threat, no matter how many times I tell him that Edward doesn't want me that way or that I am committed to our relationship, he will still be threatened by Edward.

"I need to get ready to go. I've got a plane to catch in a couple of hours," he grumbled as he left the room.

He marched from the room and up the stairs, leaving Kat standing just a few feet away from me. I closed my eyes tightly trying to push away all the thoughts that were running through my mind.

"Bella, what were you thinking?"

"I wasn't," I sighed.

"This isn't a time to start fighting with Jake. You are getting married in less than three weeks. You should be happy, not screaming and yelling at each other."

"I know, but…"

"No buts. You need to keep in mind that you are marrying Jake, and that you need to be somewhat sensitive to his feelings about Edward, but he needs to remember that you care about Edward too."

Kat was always talking me down from my fits of rage, and I was thankful for her.

"Thanks, Kat."

"I love you, Bella. You just need to figure out what you want before its too late," she said with a smile.

"Love you too."

"I promise to talk to Jake on the plane on the way home too. Just don't let him go back for three weeks with bad blood between you two, okay?"

"Okay."

She smiled and went back upstairs to finish packing. When I saw that I had finished my coffee, I set the mug in the sink, before I headed up the stairs to my bedroom.

Pushing the door open, I saw Jake was already dressed and was now throwing stuff into his suitcase. Pausing in the doorway, I looked at him. He looked up at me and stopped the moment he noticed me standing there.

"I'm sorry, Bella. You were right, but you have to know it's hard to share you with someone that I know that thinks of you more than just a friend."

"You have to trust me, Jake. I am marrying you," I said.

"I do, Bells. I really do."

He crossed the room, and wrapped his arms around me. I leaned into his touch for a moment. Trying to relax, and when I looked up I was surprised. It wasn't his dark eyes that I saw, but the brilliant emerald ones of my friend.

I shook my head and looked again, and it was Jake again.

"Bella… you okay?"

"Yeah, Jake. I'm fine."

I hugged him close and felt guilty again. I couldn't get Edward out of my head, even when I was with the man that I was supposed to be marrying in a few weeks. What's wrong with me?


	38. Chapter 37 The Lake

Greetings Everyone.

I want to apologize for taking so long to get this chapter wrote. As you know I was gone for a week after Christmas and then I went into a mood which didn't have me writing much. Some of you may know that I lost my father in January 2006 and I had to deal with the anniversary of his passing, along with the passing of my uncle a week later. Then recently I lost my great aunt along with a couple of my friends' mother. So writing hasn't been my priority lately.

Okay, on to happier things. I got promoted at work. I can now be a supervisor. Scary huh? This inspired me to get to work too. This chapter is one that many people have been waiting for. For some time actually. I hope I don't let you down on this one.

The Normal Stuff: The Twilight Saga and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Check out my fave authors and stories… they are awesome. Check out my friends stories too… DID by Dollegirl and No Regrets by RedChevy. Also, come over to the twilighted forums and hang out… we are a very interesting group of people and I am known to leave a teaser or two along the way.

To my sweet reviewers… Thank you so much for being you. Your kind words are truly an inspiration. You really make my day by reviewing. I can't wait to see what you think of this chapter.

To my lovely ladies over on twilighted… Halo, ECyesplease, Red, Dolle, Who, pwtf, and everyone else… love ya! I must give another shout out to my Red, she is just too awesome. She was such a great help with this chapter, so if you hang out on the forums, swing over to her thread and give her some much needed love. I love you BB.

I would also like to give my love to my Sweet Pea, CARLISLE'SDARKETERNALQUEEN, and my sister from another mother, twilightgurl22. Happy Late Birthday, Sis. Your gift will be in the mail soon. Finally I want to give a much deserved shout out to Kapootya. She knows why. If you haven't read her story, Teach Me to Love, you should. It helped me get out of a writing funk I was in before Christmas and I didn't get a chance to tell her so in the last chapter.

Now, on with the story…

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Chapter 37 The Lake Songs: Vulnerable by Secondhand Serenade & The Blues Man by Hank Williams Junior  
Reasoning: Well, I want to thank Red for turning me to this specific song by Secondhand Serenade. When she shared it with me I was like, "This is perfect for this moment in the story." So, MWAH to you Red. The lyrics are wonderful so check them out. I made a reference The Blues Man in this chapter so it might be helpful to hear the song or check out the lyrics for it. It might help with understanding parts of it.

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Chapter 37: The Lake

The moment I slammed the door of the truck, I thought I was going to be sick. Telling Bella it was a mistake to kiss her was killing me. I could swear that a little part of me was dying by the second. The fact was I couldn't let my true feelings slip out, but it still hurt me more than anyone could ever imagine.

My body was shaking as I tried to grip the steering wheel, trying to concentrate on the road. I finally had to pull over to the side of the road to keep myself from wrecking. I had to calm down some before I got home. My lips still tingled from the touch of her soft lips against my own. They were so tender at first and then turned so passionate, desperate, almost like she couldn't get enough of me. That was only hopeful thinking on my part. She couldn't want me that way especially after how I treated her when I told her that I thought we should remain friends.

It was then that I felt a tear sliding down my face, and I wiped it away quickly. I began to internally yell at myself for acting like I was. Why was I crying? Yeah, I kissed her… the best kiss I had ever had in my life, but it was still just a kiss. Right? No… it wasn't just a kiss. It would never be just a kiss with Bella. It would always leave me wanting more. Wanting more than just a kiss from her tender lips… I would want everything she could ever give me… her body, her heart, her very soul. I would never have enough of Bella. Never.

In my mind I kept thinking about her, and I had to keep telling myself it wasn't over yet. I still had time, not much but some time. I couldn't let her marry Jacob Black without knowing that I wanted her, but how to tell her. My timing was going to be horrible no matter how I went about doing it, and it was likely that it wouldn't change anything, but I couldn't go on without her knowing what was in my heart. She would likely marry Jacob and I would be alone. Maybe it was what I deserved… to be alone forever. Maybe this was my punishment for not seeing Bella as the beautiful person she was before she got engaged to Jake.

Sighing, I put the truck back into gear and drove home. Slipping it into park, I got out slamming the door behind me. As I came in the house I dropped the keys on a table just inside the door and slipped through the dark house in silence. No one was home, I was alone with my thoughts. Sitting down on the couch, I leaned my head back closing my eyes in hopes of relaxing my mind, but all could see was the chocolate depths of Bella's eyes and how she looked up at me in the rain before I kissed her. She was haunting me… haunting my very soul. This captivating woman wasn't going to be denied, and I quickly realized that I could ever deny her and I would never truly give up on her.

**The Night of the Engagement Party**

I hated Alice and Rosalie at the moment. Not because I didn't love them both dearly, but because of this stupid engagement party I was going to have to endure. The idea that Jacob was going to be with Bella all night wasn't something I really wanted to suffer through, but I knew that I had to appear happy and be pleasant. I didn't need Bella asking me what was wrong with me because at this point I might just break down and tell her in front of everyone, including her fiancé, how much I love and need her.

Everything up to this point had become somewhat strange and stressed. After the night of the kiss, I didn't spend time with Bella alone. I figured it would be better to have some supervision, so I normally brought Jasper and Emmett with me when I went to Bella's. She would usually sit in a chair not far from where I was and I would watch her from the corner of my eye while she read a book or had her laptop in her lap working on her next book. Never dressed fancy, always in a hoodie and a pair of sweat pants, she was beautiful.

There were moments when Emmett would look up and see me watching her, and he would just smugly smile at me. Normally on our way back to the house, he or Jasper would question me constantly about what I was planning to do about Bella. I would just ignore them mostly, because I still wasn't one hundred percent sure of what I was going to do. Time was running out and I had to figure out what to do and soon.

Walking along the banister upstairs, I looked down to see Alice pointing the caterers toward the dining room and her quickly turning to Mom to give her instructions of what she needed to do. Rosalie had just arrived and they were going to be heading over to Bella's to get her ready for the party. Alice looked up and met my eyes for a moment, her eyes shimmered with something. Sadness? No… more like disappointment.

She went back to talking to our mother, and I walked back toward my bedroom. Shutting the door behind me, I threw myself on my bed. Grabbing my pillow, I pulled it close to my chest, thinking about everything that was about to happen tonight. I was going to have to watch the love of my life on the arm of another man, her smiling, the jerk holding her close. UGH! This was going to be absolute living hell. I closed my eyes for a moment with hopes of letting my mind relax some.

It didn't seem like long before I opened my eyes again. Groaning, I looked over at my clock and realized I had dozed off for about an hour and I needed to get ready before the guests started to arrive. Standing and stretching, I wandered to the bathroom and quickly stripped down and stepped into the shower. The water was scalding, but it didn't matter. Scrubbing my skin I tried to focus my mind so I would be able to handle all the stuff that was going on around me. Turning off the water I reached for a towel and slipped it around my waist. No sooner than I had it in place, I heard my phone ringing from the other room. Picking it up from the table beside my bed, I saw the caller ID had Alice's name.

"Hey, Ally."

"_Edward, we need to talk before the party starts."_

This didn't sound good.

"Yeah. What's up?"

"_Edward you have to play nice with Jacob tonight. Bella is already freaked out about you two being in the same room with each other."_

"I don't intend on doing anything to Jake. I will play nice if he does."

"_Promise me, Edward. You will not get confrontational with Jacob. This party is for Bella and I don't want you to ruin it for her."_

"I promise, Alice. I can't say anything for Jake, but I won't go out of my way to do anything to him."

"_Thank you, Edward. I know this is tough for you and all, but it means a lot that you can do this for Bella."_

Tough? Try killing me from the inside out.

"Ally, I need to finish getting ready since I am standing in a towel and the party starts in about forty minutes."

"_Alright. Thanks again. I love you."_

"Love you too, Ally. See you in a bit."

Snapping my phone shut, I groaned. This was getting worse by the second. Crossing the room, I pulled out an Armani shirt that Alice had bought me to wear for the party along with some very nice jeans and dress shoes. She said that I needed to look nice, but not too fancy. Before pulling on the shirt, I dried my hair a little more and ran my fingers through it quickly. Buttoning the shirt I left the top few buttons undone, and pulled it to where it was lying flat.

My nerves were starting to get to me, and I quickly noticed I was pacing back and forth. This was going to be tougher than I thought. I honestly thought I was going to be okay with this party, but as the time drew closer, I thought I was going to lose it. I could see people starting to arrive as I glanced out of my window, and I didn't care if they saw me pacing or not. They wouldn't know why so it didn't matter to me.

When I heard a knock at my door, I jumped a little.

"Yeah," I called out to the person on the other side of the door.

"It's me, can I come in?"

"Yeah."

Emmett slipped into the room, wearing a dark dress shirt along with a tie. I would have bet that Rosalie had to threaten him to the brink of his life to get him in a tie. I couldn't help but chuckle.

"You okay, bro?"

"Do I look okay to you?" I asked my voice screaming with sarcasm.

"Not really, but I was hoping you would be."

He crossed the room and had a seat on my couch.

"Edward, when are you going to tell Bella that you love her?"

"I don't know," I sighed.

"You know you might want to do that pretty soon since the wedding is only a few weeks away."

"I know."

"Are you sure? Because you are taking your sweet time about it don't ya think?"

My brother was right, but tonight wasn't the time to be dealing with something like this.

"Listen, Edward. Here is the thing… you love her, right?" He asked.

I nodded my head in agreement, not really wanting to say too much.

"Okay then, you need to tell her. She needs time to make her choice and you aren't giving her much time to work with at this point."

"I know. More than you realize. Its just hard to walk up to someone and drop a bomb on them by telling them that you are in love them after you tell them that you don't feel that way."

"I see your point, brother. Just don't let this go on much longer, alright?"

"I won't, Emmett."

He stood quickly and left me alone with my thoughts. I knew he was right, but that didn't make things any easier. After about ten more minutes of alone time, I started to head downstairs.

People were already arriving, and I could see Bella across the room, talking to someone I didn't recognize so it must have been someone that knew Jake. While she talked, she never noticed me. I slowly circled the room, watching her travel slowly through the crowd with her fiancé talking to everyone for a few moments. It was when I was leaned up against one of the walls across the room that her eyes looked up to meet mine. She was determined, for what, I couldn't be sure, but there was one thing I was sure of, and that was that I needed to keep some distance from Bella, tonight of all nights.

Slipping through the crowd I walked toward Carlisle's office. Glancing over my shoulder to ensure that no one was watching me, I pulled the door open and shut it behind me. The room was dark, the only light came from the moon that was shining through the window. Clicking on the lamp that sat on my father's desk, I took a seat in his chair. Leaning back for a moment, I closed my eyes while I listened to the chatter of the people that were passing by the room.

Out of nowhere I heard a click from the door being opened. Opening my eyes, I saw the one person that I didn't want to see. His dark eyes were examining me closely, fire burning deeply within them. I quickly stood and started to walk toward him.

"I know what you are doing."

"I don't have any clue what you are talking about, Jake."

I was hoping that I sounded sure of myself. I couldn't let my true feelings come out especially while this man was with me. I could hurt him if he said the wrong thing to me.

"The hell you don't. I see the way that you look at her. You think I am blind?!"

No, he wasn't blind. Maybe Bella was blind to how I felt about her, but this guy knew that I wanted his fiancé and that I would do anything to keep him from marrying her. He on the other hand was determined to block every possible attempt.

"Jake you are getting upset about something that isn't really there."

"You love her. I see it. Everyone sees it. Only Bella is blind to that fact," he stated with a firm voice.

Every bit of anger that was in my body was starting to build. This man didn't deserve Bella and never would, and it was majorly ticking me off that he was trying to use his holier than thou attitude against me, and it wasn't going to work.

"I want Bella to be happy. If it's with you, so be it, Jacob Black. But I warn you, if you ever hurt her, break her heart, I will personally make your life miserable. Do I make myself clear?" My voice was full of authority.

"If I could do it, I would take every memory, every feeling that Bella ever had for you away. You hurt her, and I want nothing more than to destroy you, but I can't. It would hurt Bella too much and she would never forgive me for doing anything to you."

I couldn't help but internally laugh about his comment. He wanted me gone from Bella's life… it wasn't something that was ever truly going to happen. Yes, I may have hurt Bella, but I was going to do every thing in my power to make it up to her.

"Well, Jacob, you are going to have to deal with the disappointment that you can't do that, aren't you?"

Turning I walked from the room, pushing open the door. Walking past Emmett's room, I paused for a moment, to head toward the stairs. No one paid any attention to my reentrance to the party which made things easier. Jacob walked toward Alice and they appeared to have a slight conversation for a moment, then he turned and began to fight the crowd in search of Bella. That much I was sure of, especially since I wasn't exactly sure where she was at the moment.

I noticed that he finally found her, but there was something different about her. Her eyes were focused too much… she was mad. Really mad. She dismissed him quickly as he walked back toward Alice at the front of the dining room. I walked till I was on the opposite wall, a good place to watch what was getting ready to go down.

One of the caterers came around with glasses of champagne, I took one even though I had no intention of toasting this marriage, since it was one that I didn't want to happen. Bella finally walked toward the front of the crowd taking a glass of champagne as well, her eyes studying me from across the room.

"Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention?"

Everyone turned when they heard my sister speak up. All eyes were on her.

"I want to propose a toast to my best friend, Bella and to her future husband, Jacob. I wish you many years of happiness and all the joys that marriage will bring to your life. To Jacob and Bella…"

I could see everyone raising their glasses, but I didn't. Jacob's smug smile was making my blood boil, and then I turned to see Bella looking in my direction, but I focused mostly on Jake. After I realized I couldn't take it anymore, I turned and headed for the exit.

I passed Jasper and Emmett, and mumbled that I was leaving. I knew they were going to try to stop me but I kept walking not slowing down at all. I walked till I found a path out into the forest that surrounded my house and slowly slipped into the shadows.

I heard the door slam, I turned slightly to see Bella standing on the porch. I knew she was looking for me, and I wanted nothing more than to go back to her, but it wasn't the time for that. I needed to be alone. I knew I had to do something to let her know I loved her and that she needed me, but I couldn't do that while her fiancé was in the next room. I just had to figure it out soon though or I was going to be too late to do anything about it.

**The Saturday Before Jake and Bella's Wedding**

I am a coward. I can't even tell Bella that I love her. Now, in one week she is going to be getting married and I was going to be doomed to be alone forever because I could never have another woman that wasn't her.

Alice and Rosalie were planning for a bachelorette party for Bella, but they had to reschedule for later in the week, so when Bella called and asked me to come over, I was a little confused. Getting in my car, I drove over slowly, trying to figure out what was going on.

When I pulled up to her house, I noticed that the lights were low in the living room, so I was even more curious about what was going on inside. As I approached the door, I noticed that she was asleep on the couch with a book in her lap. Lucky for me, I knew where her spare key was hidden.

After getting the hide-a-key from above the window, I unlocked the door and slipped the key back into place. Walking into the room, it was very quiet. She slept with her arm drawn close to her body, her face in a tender smile. She must have been having a good dream to have such soft features.

I gently sat on the edge of the couch, hoping not to disturb her. She was beautiful, in every possible way a woman could be beautiful. I didn't want to awake this slumbering angel, but I knew I was going to have to in hopes of finding out what she wanted me here for.

"Bella… wake up…" I whispered as I gently shook her slumbering form.

"Not now, Edward," she mumbled into her arm.

"Wake up," I whispered again, leaning closer to her ear.

She reached out and her hand brushed against my chest causing my heart to skip a beat. When her eyes fluttered opened, they shimmered as if she was still in that dream world that was just beyond my reach of seeing.

"You know you are just too damn sexy for your own good, right?" She mumbled, as she wiped away the sleep from her eyes.

"Or so I have been told by many," I chuckled as looked down on her slender form.

"How did you get in the house?"

"The key. I saw you sleeping and I didn't want to wake you so I just let myself in."

Sitting up, Bella's hair tumbled around her shoulders in waves of chocolate silk. She stretched out some, her shirt tightening in places, showing the swell of her breasts as she leaned back slightly before coming back into a sitting position.

Shaking my head, I tried to push away the thoughts I was having, wondering if her body was as soft as I thought it was.

"So, what did you want me to come over for anyway?"

"You know that Alice wanted to have this bachelorette thing for me tonight and then she cancelled, so I thought maybe we should do something tonight… you know, one last night of it just being us before I become a married woman."

The thought of being alone with Bella scared me terribly, but I knew she was right. Jacob Black would see that I never get the chance to be around Bella after he becomes her husband, so this was it. My last chance and I was hoping that I didn't do something stupid to ruin it.

"What do you have in mind?" I asked, trying to keep my nervousness from showing.

"No idea. Maybe go out for a couple drinks and take a drive somewhere… a public place."

She didn't want to take a chance of a repeat of what happened that day in the rain. I couldn't blame her.

"Okay, sounds like a plan. You want to change or…" I trailed of as I spoke.

She looked down to see herself in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, and she looked up to smile at me.

"Yeah, I guess I could. Give me a few minutes."

She quickly jumped up from the couch and headed up the stairs leaving me sitting on the couch. I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief as I waited for her to return.

Thinking about what was to come was hard for me to process. The idea that Bella was going to be married soon was unbelievable. The idea that she was going to be a wife was something. Challenging, but something.

I could hear her moving around upstairs and the slight slam of her bedroom door as she was coming back down the stairs.

She was descending the stairs dressed in a lavender long sleeve t-shirt and a pair of blue jean overalls, her hair in low pigtails. She smiled as she jumped the last step and hopped down on the floor.

"You ready?" She asked.

"Very cute, Bella," I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Alice won't let me wear them with her and I know you won't mind if I dress for comfort…"

"No, I don't mind."

I didn't mind, mostly because seeing her like this was like a flashback to when we were both eighteen, before Tanya, before Jacob, when it was just us. That was what I was wishing for most of all. I wanted it to be like the old days, more than anything.

"Let's go," she said grabbing me by the hand and pulling me up from my seat on the couch.

She picked up her purse from the table and pulled me out the door, locking it behind her.

"Are you driving or am I?" She asked her eyes sparkling with excitement.

"I will," I replied pulling my keys from my pocket.

I followed her over to the passenger side and pulled the door open for her quickly shutting it behind her before I went around the front of the car to my side. Slipping behind the wheel, I couldn't help but smile about her being so close and how knowing that I was getting one more chance to tell her how I feel was so important.

The engine roared when I turned the key and I clicked the radio on. The music began to flood the car and she turned to look at me when she recognized the song.

"The Blues Man? When did you start listening to country music?"

"I heard a band perform it in a bar a few weeks ago and I thought it was cool," I replied.

The words spoke to me. The lyrics of that song made me think about everything that was going on with Bella. I could imagine Bella saying some of those words to me at one point in my life. She would have told me that she needed me, that she wanted me, that I didn't have to prove anything to her, that I was exactly what she wanted in her life, but now… was I too late?

We swung into a small diner and ate a cheeseburger and some fries, before we drove to a small bar just on the outskirts of Port Angeles. Locking the doors to my car, I jogged to catch up with Bella who was getting closer to the entrance. I pushed the door open, taking in the scene that was presented.

It was like any ordinary bar. The neon of the random beer brands, the pool tables, the dart boards, and the many regulars or bar flies. Whatever you called them, they were basically a bunch of drunks. I lead her to the far corner of the bar and grabbed a table before I went to the bar to order our drinks.

The bartender was sort of scary. He was tall, bald, and covered from head to toe in tattoos and had this really angry look. I wasn't really scared of him, he just appeared to be a really shady character. He handed me two bottles of beer and I slipped back to Bella, who was watching a couple of guys playing pool.

Setting her drink down in front of her, I pulled up a chair across from her.

"You look entertained…" I started.

"Not really. So, Edward… you ready for next week?"

There was something in her voice. Uncertainty? I could only hope. As she brought the bottle to her lips, I couldn't help but watch her hands tremble somewhat. Her eyes moved away from me briefly but quickly returned. I could almost swear that she was trying to appear confident.

"I guess as ready as I am ever going to be. You know I hate those monkey suits."

"Yeah, I know, but it really does mean a lot to me that you are doing this."

"I know it does," I sighed as I took a drink of my beer.

"It's just hard to believe that I am going to be someone's wife in a week. I never really thought I would take on something like that."

"What did you think you were going to be, Bella?"

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but I had to know.

"I don't know… I always thought I would go back to school and maybe get my teaching degree and teach high school English or go back and get a PhD and teach college. I never thought I would be writing books for a living."

"Why not, Bella? You have always had a creative mind. Why not write books?"

"I guess I never thought I was good enough. If it wasn't for Jake turning in my story to Mr. Crane I wouldn't be doing this. I would still be a copy editor listening to random people yelling at me about how bad of a job I did editing someone's story."

Hearing her talk about herself like she was below where she was at this point in her life broke my heart. She deserved everything she was getting… she was talented, beautiful, and truly a magnificent person.

"Bella… believe me when I say this, you deserve all this. You really do," I said with a smile.

"I don't know, but thanks anyway."

She finished her beer and set the bottle back on the table. I grabbed the bottles and went back to the bar and ordered us another round and came back to see her looking out into space, lost in some thought that caused her to be a million miles away.

"Bella?"

She turned to me, her eyes still lost in thought.

"You okay? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just thinking."

"About?"

"My life. How things aren't what I ever thought they would be. It's just weird."

"I know what you mean, Bells. I never thought things would be this way either."

We didn't talk for a while, we just watched the two guys continue to play pool and laugh and joke with one another. When she sighed, I turned my attention back to her, her eyes flooded with emotion. It was then that I thought of something that I had been wondering about for a while.

"Bella? Can I ask you something?"

"Of course. What's on your mind?"

"You said that you wouldn't be writing if it wasn't for Jake giving your story to your boss, right?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"You are telling me that you wouldn't have taken a risk to see if you could be a writer?"

"Probably not."

"You can't be telling me that you would be too scared to let people see your work, are you?"

Her eyes dropped to the table. My mouth dropped at her response.

"Bella Swan… I can't believe you. You are the most talented person I know and it would have been a crime for your mind to be hidden from the world forever."

"We can't all be risk takers like you, Edward," she snapped.

"Come on, Bella. We were friends for how long? You have taken risks before."

Bella's eyes dropped back to her beer bottle, avoiding my eyes.

"You aren't a coward, Bella."

"I don't know about that one…" she started but stopped in mid sentence.

Jumping to my feet, I grabbed her by the hand.

"Edward… what are you doing?" Her eyes wide with surprise.

"I am going to prove to you that you can take risks…"

The barflies didn't know what to do when I started to pull Bella from the bar and out the door. I pulled my keys out and quickly unlocked the doors to my car. Bella was in the car as soon as I slid into the driver seat.

"Edward?"

I didn't answer her. I just turned the key to the ignition and the car roared as I slipped it into drive. I hadn't done what I was thinking since I was teenager, but this could show Bella that she could take a risks and it would be a safe place for her to do it. I wouldn't let anything happen to her.

While I was driving, I couldn't help but think about all the risks that I knew she had taken. She packed up her entire life and moved away from home to find herself and her place in the world. She came home to face her demons and she still couldn't see that she was one of the bravest people that I knew.

When I pulled 'Christine' into the parking lot, I knew Bella was going to be confused. The lake was as calm as glass, lights sparkling across the waters. Getting out, I opened my trunk and grabbed a couple of blankets that I had stored there in case of an emergency and I walked down to the beach, Bella following quickly behind me.

"Edward? What are you doing?" Her voice called from behind me.

We stopped walking when I reached a remote little cove just out of the sight of the many houses that surrounded the lake's waters. Dropping the blankets near an old fire pit, I turned to her, and looked deeply into her eyes as I kicked off my shoes and socks. Was I crazy to ask her to do this? Was it just a cheap thrill for me or was this something more?

"You can take risks, Bella."

"Edward…"

I reached down and began to tug at the hem of my t-shirt as I pulled it over my head. Bella's eyes went wide as I did this.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking a risk, Bella."

"How is it proving anything?" Fear shimmered in the shadows of her eyes.

Never losing eye contact with her, I reached down for the button of my jeans, undoing it, lowering the zipper, and then pushing the material down my legs.

"Edward, what in the hell are you planning?!"

"Take a risk with me, Bella." I pleaded.

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going skinny dipping, I don't know about you…"

The blood drained from her face as she watched me.

"Why?"

"Call it a dare, call it a risk… Bella when you can throw caution to the wind and do something just because you can or want to, it's just an amazing feeling. So come with me."

"I can't…" she stuttered.

"You can't or you won't?"

I knew I was pressuring her, but I had to make her think. I had to make her see what I was trying to prove to her that she was brave and could do this kind of thing if she wanted to.

When I reached for the band of my boxers, she quickly turned around to keep from watching me drop them to the sand. Turning, I made a dash for the water's edge, jumping head first into the cold water. The splash caused her to turn around and see my head just above the waters.

"See… nothing to fear. You just jump. You take the risk," I called to her.

I could tell that she was thinking seriously about what I had been telling her. Every second that I floated in this water, the colder I became. I couldn't stay out here long, so I hoped that she would find that courage that I knew that was deep within her.

Then I saw her reaching for her hair, and she began to pull it down out of the pigtails and then kick off her shoes and socks as well. I was stunned to see that she was acting like she was going to jump. She reached for the clasps of her overalls then, before she unhooked them she called out to me.

"Edward Cullen you better not watch me…"

I turned myself slightly making it appear as if I couldn't see her. From the corner of my eye I could see her unhook the clasps and the material pooled around her feet as she stepped out of the overalls. She brought her shirt over her head allowing me to see the matching red underwear that she had on. It was a brilliant red lace bra and boy shorts and I almost gasped at her physical beauty. My fantasies of her didn't do the real thing justice. I then turned my head when she reached behind her back to unclasp her bra and slip out of the shorts.

The splash from behind me let me know that she was in the water with me. When her head surfaced she squealed.

"It's cold!"

"I know, but you did it. You took a risk. We could get caught out here and get arrested but you still did it."

"You had me jump in frigid water naked just to prove that I can take a risk?! Edward!"

She splashed me with water and I couldn't help but laugh.

"You did it on your own. You didn't want to walk away with me thinking you were weak, so you jumped in head first."

"Ugh!"

She was swimming back toward the beach by now, but I grabbed her and pulled her back to me. Our bodies were still a foot apart but being this close to her, knowing she was bare started to stir the many desires that I had hidden for her.

"Bella… you would have published your work without Jake's help because you are brave. It might have taken you some time to get there, but you would have. That much I am sure of, because not many women would strip down to nothing and jump into a lake in the middle of May in Washington," I laughed. "Let's get out of this water. I'm freezing."

She ran out first, grabbing one of the blankets and gently wrapping it around herself. When she turned away from me, I came out of the water as well and wrapped the other blanket around me. Running over to my jeans I reached in one of the pockets to find a lighter. Lucky for us, someone filled the fire pit with logs. Grabbing a piece of trash that had likely blown from a trash can somewhere I lit it on fire, throwing it among the logs. Within a few minutes the fire began to glow.

I took a seat on one of the logs beside the fire and Bella soon joined me. She was still shivering so she leaned into my body as I wrapped my arm around her small frame.

"Edward…"

"Hmm…"

"I don't take risks because I am scared of a repeat of getting hurt."

Looking into her eyes, I knew what she was talking about. She had taken a risk one snowy night so many years ago, when she told me she loved me, only to have me reject her. The repercussions of what had become my biggest regret weighed heavily in my chest as I stared into the flames.

"You can't live in fear Bella. All things happen for a reason and we just have to hope that they will turn out the way they are supposed to in the end."

She leaned her head against my shoulder, and sighed. I tightened my grip around her and finally leaned down to rest my cheek on the top of her head.

The fire crackled around us, and we were starting to dry, but we never spoke. We just sat in silence, while I thought about the advice that I had given her. I couldn't help but think I was a hypocrite. I couldn't even follow my own counsel; I wouldn't take a risk to tell her my true feelings because I was afraid that she would reject me, but I tell her to face my own personal fears. The only way I could let her know how I felt was to do one of two things, one tell her, or two show her.

Raising my head, I turned to look at her. As she brought her eyes to meet mine, the speckles of green that were within the chocolate depths of her eyes captivated me. I was going to follow my own advice…

Tentatively, I leaned in until our lips touched briefly, never breaking eye contact as I gauged her reaction. She was surprised at the contact, but didn't pull away from me so I pressed my lips to hers more firmly and my heart beat wildly in my chest as I waited for her response.

After a moment that seemed like an eternity, her lips began to move against mine. They were soft and tender at first, like the flutter of a butterfly's wings, but then she began to nibble gently on my lower lip. A primal growl rose in my chest as I ran my tongue along her upper lip and a sigh escaped her as her lips parted, granting me entrance into her soft warmth. She gasped at the intrusion but then settled into the motions of kissing me back.

Kissing Bella was like nothing I had ever done before, all of my past experience could not have prepared me for the sensations that flowed through my body. I felt like a teenager again, learning to kiss for the first time, each sigh and moan that passed between us was guiding me, teaching me how to please the woman I loved. She was in complete control of the situation, my actions were merely in response to the cues I was receiving from her. In that moment, she owned me body and soul and, if I were honest with myself, I realized that she always had and always would.

As the kiss deepened, I turned my body towards hers and buried my fingers into her thick chestnut waves as she reached up and tangled her fingers through my hair, pulling me closer. The movement of our arms had caused both of our blankets to fall away and pool themselves onto the log behind us.

We remained seated on the log, lost in the kiss, our naked bodies twisted awkwardly toward each other with my growing erection no longer hidden from view as only our lips and hands made contact with the other's bodies. I pulled back for some much needed air and gasped at the sight of Bella, her perfect body exposed to my hungry eyes, her flawless skin glowing in the firelight.

Her eyes snapped open at the sound of my sudden intake of breath and, as her gaze met mine, I could see only desire shining back at me. The confirmation that she wanted this, wanted _me_, was almost more than I could bear and I moaned her name softly as my lips met the skin of her neck.

I felt a shiver run through her as I nipped and kissed her creamy flesh, my name rolled off her tongue in a whisper as I moved to kneel in front of her. Blindly grasping at my discarded blanket, I threw it haphazardly on the ground behind me before wrapping my arms around her waist and gently guiding her with me to settle by the fire.

Her hair fanned out around her like silken halo as she lay back on the soft blanket, her eyes full of wonder and need, my desire for her was obvious as I pressed my self against her thigh. My lips met hers once again in a kiss that was filled with all the passion and love I could convey and my heart rate picked up to an impossible pace when she returned the kiss with equal enthusiasm.

My hands began to move of their own volition, the need to feel every inch of the goddess that lay beside me, beneath my fingertips overrode all other thought, as I caressed the skin over her flat stomach before gently trailing my fingers along her side. Bella trembled when I brushed the side of her breast but didn't pull away. Instead, she turned her body toward mine slightly, her hands tracing cautiously over my chest causing my muscles to quiver under her touch and eliciting another low growl from deep within me.

Suddenly, as if the primitive sound had flicked a switch inside both of us, our movements became frantic, our breathing was labored as I reached down to curl my fingers behind her knee and hitched her leg over my hip, bringing us closer together. We each cried out at the contact, my hardness against her soft, warm center as we moved together to create a painfully exquisite friction. My lips alternated between her mouth and neck, my hands exploring and memorizing each curve. Her moans and whimpers merely adding fuel to the fire that burned in my belly and my groin, as her hands moved over my body like they had finally found what they'd been looking for.

Easing her onto her back, I nestled myself between her legs as my lips blazed a trail down her throat and settled between her heaving breasts. My hand slowly made its way between our bodies, searching for the wet heat I so desperately wanted to sink my self into, if only just this once. Her hips bucked erratically into my fingers, the reaction almost making think that she had never been touched that way before. Impossible, surely Jacob would have taken every opportunity to pleasure this beautiful creature? I shook the thought from my head quickly as I reached the Promised Land, gently pinching the swollen bundle of nerves, my tip poised and ready at her dripping entrance.

"God…Bella," I panted into the soft flesh of her chest.

"Edward," she breathed, knotting her fingers into my hair and arching her body into me.

I lifted my head so that I could see her face in the moonlight, the need to look into her eyes before I finally made her mine was overpowering, and to be lost in the depths of her soul as we became one would be the ultimate prize. Her hands slid down my back and a hiss escaped me as I winced when I felt something scratch the skin painfully. My reaction startled her and she brought her hand between our faces to see what it was that had caused my pain.

In the moonlight I could see the sparkle… the diamond in her engagement ring.

Her eyes widened as she stared at the ring, the desire in them was replaced with panic and finally horror as she shook her head slowly, mouthing the word 'no' over and over, as tears welled up and threatened to fall from her beautiful eyes.

I continued to hold her trembling form to me, trying to reassure her, and myself, that everything would be okay… but she placed her hands on my chest and firmly pushed me away.

Scrambling to her feet, she grabbed the discarded blanket from the log and quickly wrapped herself in it, slipping her feet into her shoes. The tears were streaming down her cheeks as she struggled to catch her breath.

"Bella…please," I begged, still shocked and immobile by the sudden turn of events.

She raised her hand up in an effort to cut me off, shaking her head violently. The orange glow of the fire caught the facets of the diamond and threw a spectrum of light into her face, causing her to stare at it once more before letting out a sorrowful sob and running away from me, into the darkness.


	39. Chapter 38: Too Late

Greetings Everyone.

I know, this is a quick update, but realize that I was stuck at home for two days due to an inch and a half of ice plus about four to five inches of snow… so I had lots of time to write. I would have had this up earlier if it wasn't for the fact that I didn't have internet for almost four days. I am still having some minor internet issues due to the fact that the county that my internet connection comes from has been declared a disaster area due to all the down power lines, trees down, no power, etc. So life is just crazy. Crazy I tell you…

The Normal Stuff: The Twilight Saga and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Check out my fave authors and stories… they are awesome. Check out my friends stories too… DID by Dollegirl and No Regrets by RedChevy. Also, come over to the twilighted forums and hang out… we are a very interesting group of people and I am known to leave a teaser or two along the way. I haven't been around much, but I will try to be around more, promise.

To my sweet reviewers… You are so very nice and I thank you for being that way. I you're your reviews and they make my days so joyful. So, MWAH to you all.

To my lovely ladies over on twilighted… Halo, ECyesplease, Red, Dolle, Who, pwtf, and everyone else… love ya! I send my love to my sweet Red. I am telling you people, she is truly a goddess. When you see her around the forum tell her how wonderful she is.

I would also like to give my love to my Sweet Pea, CARLISLE'SDARKETERNALQUEEN, and my sister from another mother, twilightgurl22. I love you guys so much. Thanks for being a great friend.

Now, on with the story…

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Chapter 38 Too Late Songs: Insensitive by Jan Arden and White Horse by Taylor Swift  
Reasoning: Well, this chapter has a lot going on and Bella has to deal with a lot of stuff and both of these songs can express some of the stuff that she is feelings… White Horse… Edward being too late and Insensitive… well, I just listen to the words and you will see why I picked it.

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Chapter 38: Too Late

When I woke up from my nap to find Edward sitting beside me, I honestly thought I was dreaming still. Especially since I was dreaming about dancing in the rain with him again and that kiss he gave me. I knew it was horrible to dream about since I was engaged to another man, but that kiss wasn't something that I was going to be forgetting anytime in the near future.

Sitting up, my hand brushed down his chest, and I almost could have sworn that I heard his breath catch a little. That's silly though. He wouldn't get all worked up about little ol' me.

"You know you are just too damn sexy for your own good, right?" I mumbled as I wiped away the sleep from my eyes.

He chuckled at me when he responded to my comment. His eyes sparkled like emeralds, and I almost felt myself blush because I was staring at him in such a way.

"How did you get in the house?" I asked, hoping to push the fact that I was ogling my best friend from my mind.

"The key. I saw you sleeping and I didn't want to wake you so I just let myself in."

That was right. He knew where I had the spare key hidden. He just hadn't ever used it before and I couldn't figure out exactly why he did now. It didn't really matter that much, it was just something that was making me think a lot.

Finally, I sat up and stretched out. Every time I fell asleep on that stupid couch, I would be stiff from lying on it funny. After getting comfortable to a point, I turned my attention to my friend's eyes which were showing signs that he was in some form of pain.

"So, what did you want me to come over for anyway?" He asked obviously wanting to draw my attention elsewhere.

"You know that Alice wanted to have this bachelorette thing for me tonight and then she cancelled, so I thought maybe we should do something this evening… you know, one last night of it just being us before I become a married woman."

I knew what I was saying was a lie, well to a certain extent. I needed some time with my friend before I got married so I told Alice it would be better for us to plan it for another time. She even told me that it was going to be a bad idea to spend time alone with Edward, but I wasn't too worried. I would be careful. I didn't want a repeat of what happened weeks before when we had that kiss.

"What do you have in mind?" He asked his voice guarded somewhat.

"No idea. Maybe go out for a couple drinks and take a drive somewhere… a public place."

I internally started to kick myself when I said that. I didn't want him to know I was worried about being alone with him. I wasn't afraid of Edward, no… I was more afraid of what that kiss had stirred inside my soul. It might have been a mistake for both of us, but somewhere deep inside me, I loved that kiss and wanted to have many, many more with him.

"Okay, sounds like a plan. You want to change or…"

I quickly looked down to see I wasn't really dressed appropriately for going out anywhere, let alone have a guy that wasn't Jake seeing me with just a t-shirt and a pair of holey sweatpants. I couldn't help but smile in hopes of hiding my growing embarrassment.

"Yeah, I guess I could. Give me a few minutes."

Jumping up from the couch, I ran upstairs and shut my bedroom door behind me. I leaned up against the door for a moment, trying and hoping to clear the thoughts that were speeding through my mind.

My mind was going places that it shouldn't. I was getting married in a week to a wonderful man that loved me.

_But do you love him?_

It was that voice in the back of my mind, it was always asking me that. Of course… I think. I had to love Jacob, right? I was marrying him. The many recent conversations that I had with Kat kept flooded my mind as I went to the closet in search of something simple to wear. She kept calling me out on the fact that I had never told Jake that I loved him. Anyone would be a little nervous after they had their heart rejected, right?

_It shouldn't matter anymore…_

It shouldn't matter anymore, but it does. The fact that Edward broke my heart was never far from my mind, and I worried that eventually that Jake would eventually break my heart too, though on some level I knew it wouldn't be as devastating as it was when Edward rejected me.

Sighing, I slipped on my favorite lavender long sleeve t-shirt, pulling it down flat before I reached in the closet for my jean overalls. I quickly ran over to put on my shoes before I grabbed my hair brush. I pulled my hair into two low pigtails and when I looked in the mirror, I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that I looked like I was still a child, but I thought it was cute, especially with the clothes that I had on.

Slamming the door behind me, I ran for the stairs going down them quickly and jumping the last step.

"You ready?" I asked with a smile.

"Very cute, Bella," he chuckled at my appearance.

"Alice won't let me wear them with her and I know you won't mind if I dress for comfort…"

"No, I don't mind."

Of course he wouldn't mind. He was Edward and he knew me before I became the soon to be published author. He knew me as the awkward teenager, the geek, the friend. He wouldn't care if I was dirt poor, or nobody… he would always just be there, like he always has been. Even when I didn't want him, he was still there, waiting for me to come back.

I quickly pushed the thoughts from my mind and grabbed his hand to pull him toward the door.

"Let's go."

He didn't resist but came behind me as I went for the door. Picking up my purse, I locked the door behind us and quickly walked toward our vehicles.

"Are you driving or am I?" I asked, uncertainty suddenly flooding my mind.

"I will," he answered as he pulled his keys from his pocket.

Like a perfect gentleman, he opened the door for me and shut it before he walked around to get in the car himself. The sound of the engine roaring was comforting to me, it reminded me of all the memories that I had with him, going out to do stuff with Emmett, Rose, Alice, and Jasper… When he turned on the radio and adjusted the volume. It didn't take me long to recognize the song either.

"The Blues Man? When did you start listening to country music?" I couldn't help but ask.

"I heard a band perform it in a bar a few weeks ago and I thought it was cool," he answered coolly.

It was one of my favorite songs. I knew why I liked it, but I wasn't sure what it was about this song he liked. How funny it is to listen to this song now… that I would have told him almost any of these things… that I needed him, wanted him, and that he never would have to prove anything to me because I knew what he was and I accepted it. At least at one point in time I did.

We ate in a local diner in Port Angles. The food was good, and so was the company. We talked and laughed about the old times. It was hard to believe that so many years had passed us by and that we were now on the verge of becoming these adults that were so different from the teenagers that we were once upon at time.

We arrived at the bar on the edge of town and I could hear Edward locking the car behind me as I walked toward the door. It was like many of the bars back in Illinois around where I lived during college. Edward was behind me within a few minutes as he led me toward the corner of the bar where two men were completely absorbed in their pool game. Sitting down I watched them play, thinking about when one of my old coworkers from the restaurant taught me to play.

I could hear Edward's foot steps coming toward me, but I continued to watch them play and laugh. When he finally set down the beer bottle he spoke.

"You look entertained…"

"Not really," I mumbled. "So, Edward… you ready for next week?"

My voice sounded weak and unsure. Damn. I didn't want to sound unsure of myself. I wanted to be confident. I hoped that he wouldn't hear that echo of uncertainty.

"I guess as ready as I am ever going to be. You know I hate those monkey suits."

I couldn't help but smile at that reply. I couldn't help but see him in that tuxedo for Alice and Jasper's wedding in my mind. He was so handsome… so very handsome.

"Yeah, I know, but it really does mean a lot to me that you are doing this."

"I know it does," he sighed as he brought his beer to his lips and took a drink.

"It's just hard to believe that I am going to be someone's wife in a week. I never really thought I would take on something like that."

"What did you think you were going to be, Bella?"

When he asked me that question, I couldn't help but be surprised. No one really asked me where I thought I was going to be in my life if the writing thing didn't happen. Edward would have been the only one that would ask me that question, maybe besides Kat or Alice, but they never really saw me doing anything besides writing.

"I don't know… I always thought I would go back to school and maybe get my teaching degree and teach high school English or go back and get a PhD and teach college. I never thought I would be writing books for a living."

"Why not, Bella? You have always had a creative mind. Why not write books?"

He almost sounded annoyed that I wouldn't consider writing. Why would he be annoyed?

"I guess I never thought I was good enough. If it wasn't for Jake turning in my story to Mr. Crane I wouldn't be doing this. I would still be a copy editor listening to random people yelling at me about how bad of a job I did editing someone's story."

"Bella… believe me when I say this, you deserve all this. You really do," he replied with one of his sexy smirks.

"I don't know, but thanks anyway."

I couldn't help but roll my eyes as I took the last drink from my beer before I set it down on the table. Grabbing the bottles, Edward went back to the bar to order us another round, and I went back to thinking about everything that had been happening in my life that had led up to this point.

I knew I wanted to write, but I knew that I was too scared to give my work to Mr. Crane. I didn't think he would tell me I was horrible, maybe he would tell me that it wasn't what the company was looking for. That would have scarred me for life and I wouldn't want to try again, so I was lucky that he didn't reject my work. So I was lucky that Jake thought enough of my work to give it to the boss, and now I was getting the chance to live my dream… to be an author.

"Bella?"

I brought my eyes to meet his. When I looked into his eyes I saw them frantic, almost terrified, like he was worried about what I was going through my mind.

"You okay? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just thinking."

"About?"

"My life. How things aren't what I ever thought they would be. It's just weird."

"I know what you mean, Bells. I never thought things would be this way either."

Some would think that the silence between us would be awkward, but it wasn't, at least it wasn't for me. The two guys that were playing pool were so carefree and nothing mattered to them in the world. The only things that were on their mind were the beers they were drinking and the game at hand. Why couldn't everything be that simple?

"Bella? Can I ask you something?"

When he broke the silence, I was surprised, but not by the fact that he had something to ask me.

"Of course. What's on your mind?"

"You said that you wouldn't be writing if it wasn't for Jake giving your story to your boss, right?"

That was definitely not what I expected him to ask me…

"Yeah. Why?"

"You are telling me that you wouldn't have taken a risk to see if you could be a writer?"

"Probably not."

I really couldn't figure out what was going on with him or why he was actually asking me all this. He might be my best friend but at times, he really was a complete mystery to me.

"You can't be telling me that you would be too scared to let people see your work, are you?"

My eyes dropped to the table and I began to study the label on my beer bottle with hopes that he wouldn't push the subject anymore. I knew what I felt. I knew I wouldn't have given my story to Mr. Crane on my own and I would still be doing copy editor work, listening to people yell at me when I didn't do the job good enough to suit them. So, I guess I was, but I wasn't going to come out and tell him that.

"Bella Swan… I can't believe you. You are the most talented person I know and it would have been a crime for your mind to be hidden from the world forever."

"We can't all be risk takers like you, Edward," I snapped back.

I don't know what got into me, but by him saying that made me somewhat angry. How dare he judge me for how I feel? I'm not him. The last time I checked I was Bella Swan.

"Come on, Bella. We were friends for how long? You have taken risks before."

I dropped my eyes back to my beer, in hopes of avoiding looking him in the eyes, because almost any time I chose to look in them, I would want to melt into nothingness.

"You aren't a coward, Bella."

"I don't know about that one…" I started but decided that it would be better if I didn't finish it.

I don't know what came over him but he jumped to his feet and grabbed me by the hand, bringing me to my feet as well. He then started to drag me toward the door.

"Edward… what are you doing?" I gasped as he pulled me gently toward the exit.

"I am going to prove to you that you can take risks…"

He was unlocking the doors of the car as soon as he pulled his keys from his pocket. The engine roared as I shut my door.

"Edward?"

He didn't speak, he just drove and this caused me to wonder what was going through his mind. His eyes appeared to be concentrating on the road, but I knew him well enough to know that something was going through his mind. What it was… that was truly the question.

Trees flew by the windows as he drove and it was when I noticed that he was starting to slow down that I started to try to figure out where he was taking me. It was then that I saw the lake coming into view. What were we doing here of all places?

Getting out of the car I watched him go to the trunk and begin to pull out a couple of blankets before he slammed the trunk shut. He quickly started to walk down the beach and I was trying my best to follow quickly behind him.

"Edward? What are you doing?"

He didn't answer me but continued to walk. When he finally came to a stop we were in a remote cove just out of the sight of the many houses that surrounds the lake. When he dropped the blankets to the ground and I watched as he began to kick off his shoes and socks. I knew my eyes had to appear to be the size of saucers.

"You can take risks, Bella," his voice almost seductive.

"Edward…" I stuttered.

I watched as he lowered his hands to the hem of his t-shirt, and then slowly began to pull it up over his head. I couldn't help but stare at his muscled body as it flexed in the motion of pulling the material away from his god-like body.

"What are you doing?" I gasped

"Taking a risk, Bella," his voice almost amused by my reaction.

"How is it proving anything?"

He slowly moved his hands down to the button of his jeans, he slowly unhooked the button and lowered the zipper of the jeans that hugged his body perfectly allowing me to see how defined his body truly was. I had to the resist the urge to gasp at the sight of the V that would make most women flush and create wild fantasies about.

"Edward, what in the hell are you planning?!" I almost screamed.

"Take a risk with me, Bella." He begged.

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going skinny dipping, I don't know about you…"

Normally my face would flood with embarrassment but now… I could feel all the blood leaving my face and going to other places in my body. He couldn't be suggesting that I…

"Why?" I asked my mind racing at the thought of even doing something like that.

"Call it a dare, call it a risk… Bella when you can throw caution to the wind and do something just because you can or want to, it's just an amazing feeling. So come with me."

He looked so sure of himself, almost like he knew I would do this. My mind kept screaming at me, telling me not to even consider this. It was crazy, and if we got caught we would be arrested. I should know. Charlie told me many times that he had to take in people that thought it would be cute to go skinny dipping.

"I can't…" she stuttered.

"You can't or you won't?"

Why did he have to ask me that? I couldn't do something like this… could I?

As soon as I saw him reaching for the band of his boxers, I turned around but I could hear the material dropping and his foot steps as he ran and the splash that came from when he hit the water.

"See… nothing to fear. You just jump. You take the risk," he called back to me shaking water from his hair.

I didn't want to appear weak in front of my friend, but this was insane. Complete insanity.

_You aren't weak. You can do anything you set your mind to…_

Damn that stupid little voice that knows me so well. He knows me… he knows that I can't let myself appear weak in front of him… in front of anyone. This was his way of showing me that.

I reached for my hair, letting it fall down in waves then moved on to kicking my shoes and socks off. Then I noticed his eyes on me.

"Edward Cullen you better not watch me…"

I watched him turn away from me and I unhooked the clasps of my overalls letting them pool around my ankles. When I moved to pull my shirt over my head I felt my body shiver. I felt exposed in just my bra and underwear. I almost lost my nerve and leaned forward to pick up my clothes, but something rushed through me and I quickly reached behind me to unclasp my bra and slip my underwear down before I ran and dived into the waters.

I thought I was going to go into shock when I hit the water because it was frigid and I could have sworn that I was going to freeze.

"It's cold!" I squealed.

"I know, but you did it. You took a risk. We could get caught out here and get arrested but you still did it."

"You had me jump in frigid water naked just to prove that I can take a risk?! Edward!" I screamed.

I couldn't help but splash him with the icy water, but all he did was laugh. He really thought this was funny.

"You did it on your own. You didn't want to walk away with me thinking you were weak, so you jumped in head first," he stated

"Ugh!"

I turned to swim for the shore when I felt Edward reach for me, pulling me back toward him. I was only a few inches away from his body. Knowing that there was nothing but water separating our bodies sent chills through my body. I locked my eyes with his, waiting to see what he would say…

"Bella… you would have published your work without Jake's help because you are brave. It might have taken you some time to get there, but you would have. That much I am sure of, because not many women would strip down to nothing and jump into a lake in the middle of May in Washington," He laughed. "Let's get out of this water. I'm freezing."

I quickly ran out of the waters and reached for one of the blankets that Edward had thrown down when we first arrived at the lake. I almost reached for my clothes, but I was still too cold and wet to put my clothes back on yet. Turning away from the waters, Edward came out and wrapped the other blanket around him. He picked up a piece of trash and grabbed a lighter from his jeans pocket and lit the paper and threw it on the fire pit.

Edward settled down on one of the logs that sat near the fire, and I quickly joined him. I began shiver, but it didn't go unnoticed because he slowly slipped his arm around me. I shouldn't have felt so comfortable with him being so close, especially with our lack of clothing, but I felt safe with him here on this log by a fire.

"Edward…"

"Hmm…"

"I don't take risks because I am scared of a repeat of getting hurt."

I couldn't believe that I actually said that. I was being vulnerable with him again, the last time I exposed my true feelings to him, I ended up crying in the snow.

"You can't live in fear Bella. All things happen for a reason and we just have to hope that they will turn out the way they are supposed to in the end."

I knew he was right, but it didn't make me feel any better. I didn't want to talk anymore so I did the only thing I could think of to do. I laid my head against his shoulder and began to stare into the flames. I felt him pull me closer, and then lean his head down on my own head.

The pops and cracks of the flames were hypnotic and calming. I could feel myself warming back up slowly and I felt completely at ease here with Edward. Everything seemed right in the world.

When he raised his head up, I brought my own face to meet his. The flames caused his eyes to sparkle like the emeralds that I normally compared them to. Something inside me told me that I should get up and walk away… that I should run away before something happened.

He moved ever so slowly. I almost thought I was imagining what was unfolding before my eyes. I didn't realize what was happening until I felt his lips gently brush against my own. For a moment I thought I was dreaming, because this wasn't supposed to be happening, especially not to me. His lips were so warm, so tender, I couldn't help myself. I began to kiss him back.

Our lips moved slowly for a moment, and then I began to turn my attention to nibbling at his lower lip. The growl that radiated within his chest almost startled me, but I relaxed some when he began to trace my lip with his tongue causing me to sigh. I gasped with surprise as he slipped within my mouth and began a dance as old as time. Within seconds, my fear began to fade away and my body began to tremble and warm as I felt his hands across my body. His hands weaved themselves into my hair and, growing more confident in what was going on, I let myself run my hands along his body settling them in his bronze waves.

The air chilled my body as the blanket that had once been wrapped around my body began to pool at my waist. Even Edward's was long since forgotten causing me to feel definite arousal as he continued to pull himself closer to my warming flesh. He pulled back for a second, his eyes devouring me as he looked over my body. I almost felt embarrassed, no man had ever looked at me like this, so I looked away for a moment trying to compose myself when I heard him gasp. Worried that he was revolted by what he saw, I looked back to his eyes and all I could see was fire… a fire that shimmered with absolute pure desire. My will was melting, and I knew in that second that I needed this man, wanted him in more ways than I could describe or fathom.

My name was almost a growl as he leaned forward and began to caress my neck with tender kisses. I never dreamed that something as basic as kiss could be so erotic. With every brush of his lips, the more aroused I became, sending my need for him to new heights. No man had ever made me feel this way… there was no man that I wanted more than this one. I wanted this man with the bronze hair, emerald eyes, and the heart that I could have sworn was make of pure gold.

He moved to grab one of our blankets from the log, laying it on the ground before he wrapped his arms around me and rolled me until I was settled gently beneath his strong body. Looking at him he had to know how much I wanted this… wanted him. His body rubbed against my inner thigh, his lips caressing me with waves of pure passion that I had no idea had existed until now. No woman could help themselves if they were in my position, they too would want to kiss him with as much passion and desire as he was giving.

As he moved his hands over my body, I could feel the waves of fear mixing with yearning that were building with his touch, but it didn't matter. I knew in this moment, this man wanted me, desired me beyond all others, and it was my dream come true.

When he moved my leg to hitch it around his waist, I gasped as I felt his hardness move against my warmth. We both were exploring each others bodies, memorizing the contours of one another. My hands memorized the way his chest felt beneath my fingertips, how the muscles of his abs quivered when I touched them slightly.

My insides burned for what he was prepared to offer me. Every touch, every kiss sent me spiraling for the release that I knew that would come from being with him. I wanted him… wanted to feel him moving with me… moving inside me. His every touch and movement made me tremble and moan, letting him know that he was pleasuring me beyond my wildest fantasies.

He moved himself over my body, resting himself between my legs before he began his trail of kisses down my throat, then down to my breasts where he lavished them with kisses and the gentlest touches. When he began to run his hands along my thighs, I became afraid… I hadn't ever done this. He would know, and he would regret it afterward. When I felt his fingers brush against my core, my hips bucked up against his fingers, wanting more of what he was willing to give me. I knew I was dripping with all the desire but I was still nervous that I wouldn't know what to do.

"God…Bella," he groaned into my chest, his warm breath causing me to cling closer to him, desiring his warm body on my own.

"Edward," I moaned as I felt him press himself closer to me as I knotted my hands in his hair.

I knew what was to come, and I couldn't wait, I was almost scared that he would realize what he was doing and change his mind. He brought his face before me, so I could see the flickers of want in his eyes. There was no doubt in my mind, after looking into depths of his eyes that would prevent this from happening.

It was then that I ran my hands down the muscles of his back that he hissed with pain, shocking me, worrying that I hurt him…

I brought my hand before us and it was then that I saw it. My engagement ring.

_Oh my God…_

I knew my eyes were wide with horror by now. In about thirty seconds my body went from flashes of desire to ones of my fiancé. I could see his smile, hear his laughter in my mind, remembering his kisses… What have I done? What was I almost ready to do? Oh my god, I was getting ready to have sex with Edward…

My body began to shake in absolute terror, and all I could do was mutter 'no' over and over, but I knew no sound was coming out, my will to speak had been lost. Tears began to stream down my face. It was then that I felt him pulling me closer, almost like he wanted to let me know it was okay, but this was far from being okay. I finally pushed him away from me, scrambling to my feet before I stumbled away from him.

Quickly I grabbed the other blanket, wrapping it around my wavering form before I reached for my clothes and slipped my feet into my shoes. By now, I couldn't even see anything, the tears were running down my face so quickly that I couldn't keep up with wiping them away so I could see. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think… I couldn't understand what had possessed me to do what I had almost done.

"Bella…please," he begged, his eyes on the brink of tears.

I waved him off, stopping him from speaking at all. This was too much. Way too much for me to deal with. I almost had sex with my best friend a week before I was to get married to another man. I almost gave him my virginity. My eyes dropped to my engagement ring again and as the flames caught the facets of the diamond, I cried even more before I turned from my friend and ran.

I thought I was going to stumble and fall since my shoes weren't tied and my lack of balance as I ran, but I couldn't stop. I could hear Edward yelling for me, but I kept running. As I approached the parking lot I slowed down grabbing at the pockets of my overalls searching for my phone. I had to get out of here, I had to get away from Edward… I finally found my phone pulling it from the pocket and quickly pushed the speed dial for Alice.

"_Hey Bella."_

"Alice, come get me, please," I cried.

"_Bella, what's wrong?"_

"Just come get me. I'm at the lake on the other side of Port Angeles near the beach."

"_I'll be right there."_

The line went dead and I was trying to calm myself down enough so that I could put my clothes on. I was gasping for air, the tears were not stopping. It was then that I heard Edward running toward me. I thought about hiding but I knew that if I hid somewhere that Alice wouldn't be able to find me.

"Bella!"

When I saw him running toward me in just his jeans I realized that I had to get away from him… I turned to run, but before I could, he had me by the wrist, holding me to prevent me from running anymore.

"Let me go," I screamed.

"No, Bella. I'm not letting you go. Not this time."

Turning to him, I could see his face and the evidence of the tears that he had been shedding as he ran after me.

"Edward, please let me go," I begged.

I felt guilty enough already and seeing his face, knowing what I was about to do with him was making me sick to my stomach.

"Bella, don't run away from me again. I don't think I could live through you doing it again."

His words confused me even more than what I had already been through. I just stood there watching him, waiting for something…

"Bella, don't leave me. Please, God don't leave me again. When you left to go to Illinois, it almost killed me. I can't do it again."

"Edward?"

None of what he was saying was making any sense to me, but not much was making sense to me at the moment. Everything that I knew or thought I knew about myself was in shambles and now I stood under the stars with a man that I almost had sex with, and on some level still cared about.

"Bella don't you know? You can't tell me you don't know."

"Know what?" I asked still confused about what he was referring to.

"Bella, I'm so sorry I hurt you. Sorry that I didn't know what love was until it was almost too late…"

"What are you saying?"

"God, Isabella… I love you. I love you more than anything in this world and I want nothing more than to spend everyday of the rest of my life proving that to you."

I felt myself begin to stumble backwards, almost falling to the ground, and I would have if Edward wouldn't have reached for me to keep me from falling. I wanted to push him away, but my inability to stand up was keeping me wrapped in his arms.

"No… no… this can't be happening to me," I stammered.

"Bella," he started.

I finally got my bearings together and pushed him away, but still stumbling to stay on my feet. This had to be a joke, it couldn't be real. I turned to look at him hoping to see him laugh, to make a joke about how he was kidding. His eyes were stern and serious. Oh God, he was serious.

"When you came home for Alice's wedding and I saw you dancing with Jake I realized that I was wrong. I picked the wrong woman for me. It was always you Bella. I was fool. I thought I knew what love was and that what I felt for you was just friendship but when I saw him with you, I knew that I couldn't go on without you. You make me want to be a better person, you haunt my dreams, and you are the only one I can ever see myself spending forever with."

"Why now? Why now when I am supposed to get married in a week? Why?!" I screamed.

"I have wanted to tell you since I realized but it has never been the right time. God Bella, you don't know how hard it's been to live with this. To see you with Jake, to have him touch you, to kiss you. I wanted nothing more than to be him. I wanted to be the one that you went home to every night. I wanted to be the one that would make love to you every night, to show you how much you mean to me."

My mind was spinning by now. Never in my life did I think I would be hearing these words coming from Edward Cullen's mouth. It didn't matter though. I was getting married…

"It doesn't matter now. I'm getting married, Edward."

"You don't love him, Bella."

My eyes snapped to look at him. How dare he say I don't love my fiancé.

"You don't know anything about me, Edward. I care about Jacob. I wouldn't be marrying him if I didn't care about him."

"You care about him? You can't even say the words love and Jacob in the same sentence, Bella. What does that tell you?"

"I love… him," I stuttered.

"You are lying to yourself, Bells. I see how you look at him at times. You are settling for something safe because you think I will hurt you again. It breaks my heart knowing that I hurt you so much. Every time I see that look of hurt in your eyes I want to take it away and make you smile. There isn't anything that I wouldn't do to make you happy and make things right with us."

By now, I was getting angry. Tears of anger and fear tumbled down as I watched him try to prove something to me. Prove that he wants me… needs me to be with him. No… I couldn't hear anymore.

"Stop it! I can't hear this!"

"Bella…"

"Edward, stop. You can't be doing this to me. Not now. Do you know how bad you hurt me? Do you realize that for almost a year, I cried myself to sleep wanting you and now you decide to tell me this right before I am supposed to get married? God, I almost had sex with you. I almost gave you something that I couldn't get back…"

His eyes became wide with shock as I stammered to a stop. I couldn't believe that I almost told him.

"You're still…"

"A virgin? Yes, I am."

Edward was obviously taken aback by this knowledge.

"You've been with Jake for years…"

"I wanted it to be special, Edward. I was waiting till I got married," I snapped.

"But you…" He started.

"I made a mistake. I massive mistake that I wish I could take back," I cried.

He reached for my hand, I tried to avoid it, but he was too quick. As soon as his hand touched my own, I felt electricity. Meeting his eyes I was saddened again… for so many reasons.

"No, Bella. Nothing about us is a mistake. Every time I kissed you, touched you… it was a blessing, at least it was to me. You are perfect, Bells. Everything about you is wonderful. Your hair, your eyes, your smile… your heart…"

He reached up and placed his hand against my chest just above my heart, and I felt my heart flutter at the contact. Treacherous heart…

I quickly pulled my hand away with hopes of calming myself down, but my heart still raced because his eyes burned into my soul, reaching out with hopes of claiming it as his own, something I wasn't going to let happen.

"Edward, please stop. You don't know what you are saying. I'm not like Tanya or any of the other women that you have had in your life, and you wouldn't be happy with me if you had me. You are just worried that you are going to lose my friendship…"

"No, Isabella. You aren't like those women, you are better than them," he said with a smile.

This was too much. I couldn't do this. He is just trying to confuse me, make me unsure of my relationship with Jake. I care about Jake… He can't do this to me.

My face dropped to my hands and I sobbed. The man that I wanted for so long now tells me that he wants me and it's too late. I'm already spoken for, my destiny is already set down another path.

"Bella, you need to know something," he started as I brought my attention back to his face.

"I can't give you away at your wedding. It would hurt too much. The idea that I could give the woman of my dreams to another is insanity on my part, and I thought I could do it even if you chose him in the end, as it appears that you have, but I can't. I love you too much to be a part of this mistake."

Staring at him in shock, I heard the squeal of tires and when I turned I saw Alice's car power sliding to a stop beside me. Rosalie jumped from the car and ran to my side, quickly followed my pixie friend who left her car running prepared to make a run for it if necessary.

"Come on, Bella," exclaimed Rose as she took my hand and started to pull me away from Edward.

I could see Edward trying to stop Rose from taking me, but Alice jumped in front of him blocking his way.

"No, Edward. It looks like you have already done enough to Bella tonight," her voice sounding icy.

"Get out of my way, Ally. This is between me and Bella."

"Rose, get her in the car," she called over her shoulder while she stood her ground before her brother.

Rose quickly moved the seat and I crawled into the backseat of the car, then shoving it back into place, Rose got in and shut the door.

I could see Alice and Edward screaming at one another, and it hurt to see the people that I cared about yelling at one another, but I couldn't watch, so I yet again buried my face into my hands and cried. I knew Rose turned to see me looking like a blubbering fool, but I didn't care. I was hurt and brokenhearted… again.

Alice slammed the door as she climbed inside, slamming the power locks as she got inside, she threw the car into gear and pealed out of the lot.

"Bella, what happened?"

I couldn't answer, all I could do was cry. The thoughts that were haunting my mind kept me from speaking, all I could do was let the tears tumble down. I almost had sex with Edward so I cheated on Jake. I cheated on my fiancé. Oh God… my parents would be so disappointed in me, especially Charlie. I knew better, but I still did it anyway. Letting my hormones get me into something and now, I was on the verge of losing everything, my future husband and even my best friend.

I could never forget what Edward told me tonight, so it was clear that it would never be the same again. I decided then that I needed to stay away from Edward, keep some distance, at least until I was happily married to Jacob. Another decision was clear… I wasn't going to tell Jake what happened. I knew that I was going into my marriage with a secret, but I was too ashamed to tell him the truth, at least not right now. Maybe in time, but not now.

Noticing that Alice was driving toward my house, I realized that it was the last place I wanted to be, plus Edward could come back and I didn't want to see him.

"Don't take me home," I finally croaked out.

"Where do you want to go?" Asked Rosalie.

"I'll take you home with me, Bells. You can stay with us as long as you need," stated Alice as she turned back toward her house.

"Thank you," I mumbled.

Ten minutes later we pulled up in front of Alice's and I noticed that Emmett's Jeep was parked out front. Rose got out of the car and pulled the seat aside so I could get out, helping me up the steps and into the house.

Passing the living room, Emmett and Jasper jumped to their feet when they saw the state I was in.

"What the hell did my brother do to her?" Screamed Emmett. "I'll kill him…"

Rose stopped him, shaking her head that he needed to stop. Jasper touched his arm for a moment in hopes of letting him know that this wasn't the time to be getting upset.

Alice took my arm and led me down the hall to the bedroom beside the kitchen, opening the door she led me to the bed. Sitting on the side, I felt like walking death. Too much… too much of everything. She went to the dresser and pulled out a shirt and shorts handing them to me.

"Bella, I don't know what happened, but know we are here for you when you are ready to talk about it and don't worry… Edward won't be bothering you anymore."

She slipped from the room leaving me alone with my thoughts. Exhausted, I dropped what clothes I did have on to the floor along with the blanket that I still clung before slipping on the clothes that Alice had left for me.

Pulling back the covers, I slid between the sheets, and tried to close my eyes in hopes of pushing the events of this evening away. It was then that I could hear the whispers from the living room.

"He told her," whispered Alice.

"I guess it didn't turn out very well then," replied Rose.

"No, it didn't."

"So what is going to happen now?" Asked Jasper.

"I don't know, honey, but Edward is heartbroken and I don't see him getting over this," sighed my friend.

I buried my face and let the tears continue to fall as I thought about how hurt I was, and that I had hurt Edward so much that his own family would say that he was truly broken.

**The Next Day**

When I woke up the next morning, I didn't say anything about what happened the night before. Within an hour of waking, I asked Alice to take me home, though she thought it would be better for me to stay there with her and Jasper for a while, I didn't want to be pitied, so I needed to go home.

Unlocking the door, I slipped inside the house, dropping my keys on the table, realizing that Edward still had my purse in his car. I would just have to ask someone to go get it for me. Kicking off my shoes, I stumbled up the stairs and showered before I walked back to my bedroom.

Pulling on my fuzzy pants and a tank top, I began the journey back downstairs in hopes of settling myself on the couch with a book for a while, when I remembered something that my mom had asked me to do before I came home. She had called and asked me to look for some papers that she needed, documents that my dad had signed.

Sighing, I went into their bedroom to find them. Sitting in the corner was the filing cabinet that held everything from birth certificates to deeds… Pulling open the drawers I began to stumble through the documents when I finally found what I was looking for. I pushed the drawer shut and began to walk out of the room when I noticed that I had dropped something. Looking down I noticed it was an envelope with _Isabella_ written on it in my father's handwriting.

When I reached the couch I sat down looking at the envelope with curiosity. Setting the other papers on the table, I ran my finger along the top breaking the seal on the paper. Pulling the folded paper out, my hands trembled as I unfolded it to see my father's script staring back at me. My eyes dropped to the words as I began to read.

_My dearest Isabella,_

_I am writing this knowing that my time is limited but I had to let you know something, something that I obviously think you know yourself, but you know I am not one to take chances. If you are reading this, I am likely gone, but know my darling daughter that I love you and want nothing but the best for you, my angel._

_With that being said, I beg you to forgive Edward. I see the way that you look at one another and it is magic. I remember telling your mother that the expression that I saw in your eyes is what I always saw when I looked into my Renee's eyes. Absolute and pure love. _

_Many fathers would be afraid to give their only daughter away to another man to care for them, to love them, but I do not fear giving you to Edward, because he would treasure you beyond anything in this world. He is your destiny, my beautiful one. He may not know it yet, but he will in time. So, remember this when the time comes. I would proud to call him my son, to be the father of my grandchildren, the protector of my greatest joy._

_So, Isabella, I give him my blessing when the time comes. I wish you both all the joy that I had with Renee and with you._

_I love you, baby._

_Daddy_

Tears streamed down my face, some dropping to on the paper. Wiping away the tears, I couldn't help but think of the irony… I find this just days before I marry Jacob, and I wonder if maybe I am wrong. Could I be making a mistake? Should I risk everything for a chance with the man that now claims he loves me or should I stay on the path that I am on now and hope for the best?

I curled up with one of the pillows on the couch, clutching the letter in my hands, thinking… wondering what to do. I knew the answer, and I was sorry that I would be doing something that many would think was wrong, but it was best choice for everyone involved. Even if they didn't know it.


	40. Chapter 39: If They Could Only See

Hello Everyone.

I am so sorry about the delay in this chapter. The past few weeks have not been the best for me. I wrecked my truck, had a family conflict, and the past week has consisted of me either one working or two being sick. I could only work on the chapter for about forty minutes at a time, so it took forever to finish. Hopefully it was worth the wait.

The Normal Stuff: The Twilight Saga and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Check out my fave authors and stories… they are awesome. Check out my friends stories too… DID by Dollegirl and No Regrets by RedChevy. Also, come over to the twilighted forums and hang out… we are a very interesting group of people and I am known to leave a teaser or two along the way. I really have been lacking in my presence there, but I will be around in the next day or so, come over and visit.

To my sweet reviewers… We have now gone over 3000 reviews, and it is all because of you. You are really the best people ever and I appreciate you more than you know. Thank you so much for making my writing experience wonderful. So, MWAH to you all.

To my sweet and lovely ladies… Halo, Birdee, ECyesplease, Red, Dolle, Who, pwtf, and everyone else… love ya! Again, I send the massive amounts of praise to my sweet and lovely Red. I am truly lucky to have such a good friend. I love ya, BB.

I would also like to give my love to my Sweet Pea, CARLISLE'SDARKETERNALQUEEN, and my sister from another mother, twilightgurl22. I love you guys so much. Oh, twilightgurl22… I can't wait for the wee little one. Too excited on my end. (I'm going to be an auntie!)

Now, on with the story…

* * *

Chapter 39 If They Could Only See Song: This Woman And This Man by Clay Walker  
Reasoning: This song's chorus is sung from the point of view of an outsider looking in on this love that is being denied by two people that truly love one another. Just like Bella and Edward…

* * *

Chapter 39: If They Could Only See

**Alice's POV**

My life has turned from a dream to a soul shattering nightmare. As I lay in bed, all I can see is my friend in tears, crying over a love that should be so pure and perfect, but now… maybe all is lost. Jasper's quiet snores fill the room, sleeping, probably dreaming dreams of happiness. I wished I could.

Sitting up in bed, I pulled my knees to my chest, laying my arms across them before I settled my chin down on them. I was conflicted. I knew this was going to happen, but I was so hopeful that this would have been set right before we got to this point. I should have known my brother and best friend would have been too stubborn to let the chips fall into place like they were supposed to.

My thoughts began to fly backwards… to the day that had just past, to the day that shifted everything out of place, and possibly destroyed the two people that I care about the most, outside of my Jasper, and probably will prevent them from finding happiness together ever…

**Earlier…**

When I woke up that morning, I thought everything was perfect. The birds were singing, and the sky was only slightly overcast. Jasper had the coffee already made when I got down stairs for breakfast. He was the perfect guy, always so thoughtful and loving. I was truly lucky to have him.

"What's on the agenda today?" Asked my husband.

"I need to go over and see Bella. I really need to talk to her about some of the wedding stuff and about the bachelorette party."

"You know Bella isn't going to like that too much. Being the center of attention is the farthest thing from her mind."

I couldn't help but stick my tongue out at him, and he laughed as he grabbed me and wrapped his arms around me.

"You are such a child at times, Alice," he chuckled.

"But that is one of the reasons that you love me," I said as I leaned up and kissed his cheek.

"Very true," he replied as he kissed me in return. "I've got to go. See you tonight. Remember, Emmett and Rose will be here around six."

"I know. Love you, see you tonight."

I heard the front door shut behind him, and I quickly ran upstairs to get dressed before I started my errands for the day. Since Bella gave Rose and I free run of the wedding, I had lots to do and I had to get started early so I could get home to play hostess for a while.

Putting on one of my favorite outfits along with my thigh high boots, I was out the door within twenty minutes. While I was driving I was trying to mentally take note of all the stuff that I had to do. First, I needed to talk to Bella, wanting to get all the minor details out of the way so I could finish planning the party for her. Jasper was right though, Bella was going to throw a minor fit over this whole thing, but I would get her talked into it in due time.

It was then that I pulled into Bella's driveway, to see her walking around the house with a tape recorder. Many would think she was crazy, but she liked to talk out some of her plot lines for her story. She was always telling me that it was easier to talk it out and listen to it later than trying to write it all down. Whatever makes it easier on her, was all I could say.

Skipping up the steps, I knocked on the door, and waited until she answered. When she pulled the door open, she looked a little distracted, but that was normal when she was working.

"Hey. Come in," she mumbled as she stepped back to let me inside.

"What are we working on today?"

"Nothing really. A new idea for a story. I haven't even started to write any of it yet."

She threw herself down on the couch and stared at me for a moment. Then her eyes began to study me, and I knew what she was up to. She was trying to figure out what I was doing visiting so early in the day.

"So, what are you up to, Alice? It is a little early for you to be showing up at my door…"

"Up to? Nothing really," I replied innocently.

"That is what I am worried about," she grumbled.

I went over to the coffee table and had a seat right in front of her.

"You know you are getting married so you are soon going to be off the market so that means…"

"No… No. I am not doing a bachelorette party Alice."

"Come on Bella. You aren't going to let me down by not letting me do this for you. I have been talking to Rose about it for weeks, and I thought we could go out tonight and have some girly bonding time."

"I don't think so."

"Please, Bella," I begged hoping my lip was doing the quivering thing that drove her crazy and normally caused her to cave in.

"I wanted to try to do something with Edward tonight."

That came out of nowhere. Bella had been avoiding Edward a lot lately, why… I wasn't sure and neither Bella nor Edward were talking. It was likely that Edward had done something to make her a little uncomfortable.

"Why tonight?" I asked.

"I don't know. I figured it was just as good a time as any."

"Have you asked him yet?"

"No, I was going to call him in a little while though. He doesn't have plans or anything does he?" She asked obviously worried.

"Not that I know of, but that doesn't mean anything. He won't talk to me anymore."

"Oh…"

I couldn't help but wonder what was going through my friends mind and what had brought on this weirdness between them and even with the family. Bella wasn't one to talk anything if she didn't want to but I wanted to know.

"What happened with you and Edward?"

"Nothing really…" she started but stopped mid thought.

"Come on Bells. You know and I know that something had to have happened because you both wouldn't be acting like this…"

"Nothing… it was a mistake."

A mistake? I thought about it for a minute and then realized that it was likely that my brother finally grew a pair for a moment only to take it back. I was going to bet that he finally kissed her and it freaked them both out…

"If you are so uncomfortable with each other… why do you want to spend time with him? You could just go out with me and Rose and it wouldn't be a problem."

"It will be okay. I promise."

Something told me that it wasn't going to be okay but I was going to have to have faith in my friend.

"Okay… I will let you get back to your work, but we are going to go out as soon as Kat gets here, alright?"

"Of course."

"I'll see you."

"Later," she replied as she shut the door behind me.

As I got back into my car I had this horrible feeling of dread… I wouldn't know what it was till about ten hours later.

Since I wasn't going to be having the planned bachelorette party, I called Rose and we decided that we would just have dinner at my house. So I finished my errands that now consisted of going to the grocery store because Emmett could eat me out of house and home. So within about six hours I visited Rose to confirm a few more things for the wedding before I went to talk to the caterer, the florist, and the band that I had hired for the event. Bella had no idea what she had gotten herself into.

I got home around four, and quickly put away all of my groceries before I called Jasper on his cell to have him pick up a bottle of wine that I had forgotten to get on the way home. I quickly put some chicken in some marinade and started to prepare some salad and potatoes. I put the chicken on the grill by five thirty and I quickly changed into some other clothes at weren't as confining.

Jasper was home not long after I put the chicken on.

"Hey babe," he whispered as he kissed my cheek.

"Hey."

"I am guessing that Bella turned down the party then?"

"For now. She wanted to spend some time with Edward."

"That's going to be interesting," he stated as he crossed the room to place the wine bottle on the kitchen island.

"What does that mean?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Edward has been acting a little odd. I figured you noticed."

"Yeah, I did, but I was wondering if you knew why."

"I think he finally kissed her and he freaked honestly," he replied.

"I was guessing that. I just wish they would figure this stuff out… and soon."

"You, me and everyone else, love."

Jasper went upstairs to shower before Emmett and Rose arrived, leaving me to finish up dinner. It was when I was setting the table that I heard the knock on the door. Jasper was descending the stairs as I showed our friends in and we chatted for a moment before we went into the dinning room for dinner.

The dinner was great… everything turned out perfectly. Rose helped me clean up after we ate and Jasper and Emmett were in front of the television; within a few minutes they were yelling at some game that was on. Rose and I slipped into the room and settled ourselves on the love seat while the boys got overly enthusiastic over on the couch, almost throwing themselves at the TV at times.

It was about ten when I heard my phone begin to ring. I recognized the ring immediately too.

"Hey Bella," I answered, my voice its normal chipper sound.

"_Alice, Come get me, please,"_ she begged her voice full of apparent tears.

"Bella, what's wrong?" I asked, jumping to my feet and scaring everyone in the room.

"_Just come get me. I'm at the lake on the other side of Port Angeles near the beach,"_ she sobbed.

"I'll be right there."

I snapped my phone shut and began to scramble through the house in search of my keys.

"What's going on, babe?"

Turning, I met my husband's eyes and they were filled with worry. Emmett followed closely behind him.

"It's Bella. Something has happened and I am going to get her. She's at the lake on the other side of Port Angeles."

"I'm going with you," said Rosalie as she grabbed her purse.

"Lets all go," yelled Emmett.

"No, let me and Rose go to Port Angles to find Bella. I don't know what happened, but I would bet it will only make things worse if we all go."

"Be careful, Alice," whispered my husband as he pulled me close.

"I will."

Rose was out the door with me within seconds. Throwing my car into reverse, I pealed out of the driveway and quickly headed out of town.

"What is going on, Alice?"

"I don't know, but I have a feeling something major went down to get her that upset."

"Do you think Edward hurt her?"

"No, he wouldn't do anything to hurt Bella. I will likely lean toward the fact that he dropped the bomb about being in love with her though."

"Damn. He really does have horrible timing."

"I know."

Pushing the gas pedal to the floor, we flew toward Port Angeles, only slowing down for the stop lights and signs that scattered throughout the town. I couldn't help but be worried about my friend, even with my concerns and thoughts leaning to my brother's declaration of love, but something else was telling me it was more than that. What could have happened to them to bring Bella to tears?

The car fish tailed a little as I turned down the road that led down to the beach were I knew Bella was. I could see the lights over the parking lot along with Edward's car and then a very disheveled Bella and Edward. The car went into a power slide before it came to a stop and I jumped from the car and ran toward my friend, Rosalie at my heels.

Rosalie dashed for Bella and took her by the hand and began to try to lead her away from Edward and back to my car.

"Come on, Bella," started Rose as she began to walk away with Bella.

When Edward tried to stop Rose from taking Bella, something inside me snapped, my mind when into a defensive mode with the only thought being to protect my friend, though I really didn't know what I was protecting her from.

"No, Edward. It looks like you have already done enough to Bella tonight," I snapped trying to put myself between my beloved brother and my best friend who was just like my sister.

"Get out of my way, Ally. This is between me and Bella," Edward's voice stern and determined.

"Rose, get her in the car," I called behind me, still blocking Edward's path.

As soon as I heard Rose shut the car doors, my attention turned to dealing with Edward.

"What the hell are you doing to her?" I screamed.

"This doesn't concern you Alice."

"The hell it doesn't! You have done something to break her down like she was before she left for college. What did you do? Why are you both…"

I stopped in mid thought, because I didn't need an answer. Both of them were half dressed, hair a mess, flushed…

"You almost had sex with her?" I screamed.

"Alice…"

"What the fuck? Damn, Edward, she is getting married in week! Are you insane?" I screeched.

"No, I love her though," he said moving toward me.

"This isn't how you go about doing this," I said pausing for a minute. "You have really done it this time, I hope you know that."

"I'm not going to lose her, Alice."

"I don't know if you have any say anymore. I think you may have done the one thing that will destroy any chance of happiness for the both of you. Just stay away from her."

Turning around I walked toward my car without another word or look at my brother, though I could hear a sad gasp and I knew he was about to cry. I wanted to cry too, but I had to be strong for Bella.

I slammed the door behind me as I got back into the car throwing the locks as I put the key into the ignition.

"Bella, what happened?" I asked.

All she did was sob and cry, and it broke my heart seeing her like this. So I didn't say anything else, I just drove back toward Forks. I couldn't imagine what was going through Bella's mind, but I knew she was hurt beyond anything that she had ever experienced in her life.

Turning down the street that led down to her house, I was shocked to her hear her.

"Don't take me home," she croaked.

Rose asked her quickly where she wanted to go, but I made a snap decision that would help her and allow me to keep an eye on her while she was in this emotional state.

"I'll take you home with me, Bells. You can stay with us as long as you need," I replied as I thought about things.

"Thank you," she mumbled.

Turning down another street, I drove toward home and tried to think about how I could help Bella, though I knew there wasn't anything that I could do to help her heal a broken heart.

We pulled in the driveway and I could see Jasper and Emmett pacing back and forth in front of the window in the living room. They were just as worried as we were about Bella. Rose moved her seat and helped Bella from the car. Opening the door, we went inside and were quickly met by our husbands.

"What the hell did my brother do to her? I'll kill him…" screamed Emmett.

Thankfully Rosalie stopped Emmett's ranting, because at this point I knew Bella couldn't handle what was going on. Rose released Bella to me and I led her down the hall to the extra bedroom. I couldn't help but think that not long before now that Edward had stayed in there as well. It was a good thing that I had cleaned it well otherwise she would have known that he had been there.

Bella had a seat on the side of the bed as I rummaged through some of the dresser drawers for something for her to wear. I found a pair of shorts and shirt on top and I handed it to her before I began to speak to her.

"Bella, I don't know what happened, but know we are here for you when you are ready to talk about it and don't worry… Edward won't be bothering you anymore."

I quietly left the room and returned the living room where my husband and family were waiting for me. Jasper's eyes were sad, he had to know what had taken place tonight.

"He told her," I whispered

"I guess it didn't turn out very well then," replied Rose.

"No, it didn't."

"So what is going to happen now?" asked Jasper, his voice full of concern.

"I don't know, honey, but Edward is heartbroken and I don't see him getting over this."

Jasper crossed the room and pulled me close, settling my face in his broad chest. I could feel the tears begin to fall and stream down my face.

"I think we'll call it a night," whispered Rose as she was helped to her feet by Emmett.

"I think that would be best," sighed Jasper.

"If Bella needs anything, call us, alright?" Asked Emmett.

"Of course."

I left Jasper to let them out, as I climbed the stairs hoping to prepare for bed, and push the thoughts from my mind…

"Alice…"

I jumped back to the present when I heard my husbands muffled voice.

"Go back to sleep, honey."

He sat up in bed pulling me close to him as he did it.

"You are worried about Bella, aren't you?"

"Yeah. I think this truly is the end of Edward and Bella and it really breaks my heart. They really do love one another," I sighed.

"I know you wanted this to work out for them, but maybe this is for the best…"

"No, it isn't, but there isn't anything we can do now. It's all up to them, and Bella is too much like Charlie to change her mind."

"Come to bed, Alice. We'll worry about this in the morning. Alright?"

I nodded as Jasper pulled me down to the bed with him, wrapping his strong arm around my waist protectively. I could hear his breathing slowing but I couldn't let myself calm down enough to sleep. My mind was still on how sad it was to see two people that were so love and just didn't see it enough to let themselves be happy…

**Three Days Before The Wedding**

The day after the events at the lake, Bella went home and spent most of her time there. She really wouldn't say anything about what happened, nor would Edward. Out of the two, I was honestly more worried about my brother than best friend. I had my reasons too.

Bella was in denial. That much was obvious since she now constantly wanted to be involved in all the wedding stuff, stuff that she had pushed off on me and Rose up until that point. She was gushing about how happy she was to become Mrs. Jacob Black, though I could see in her eyes that she was still conflicted over the whole situation at hand, but like Jasper said, she wasn't going to change her mind. She had set her mind to marrying Jake, and that was how it was going to be.

Edward, on the other hand, was now moping around the house constantly. He wouldn't speak to anyone, especially me. I knew I was hard on him, and wanted to apologize for being so tough, but he would just wave me off, and go somewhere else, away from everyone. It wasn't healthy, but I didn't have time to worry about him. I had a responsibility to Bella to help her with her wedding, though I knew it really shouldn't be taking place.

Renee, Kat, and Jacob would be arriving today, while Renee and Jake were staying with Bella, Kat would be spending time at my house. I had been taking calls from Bella and Jake's boss, Mr. Crane, along with his assistant BJ for the past couple of days, helping them get set up in a local hotel. Many of Bella's family were flying in for the nuptials while many of Jake's friends were going to be driving in from La Push.

"You okay?"

Looking up from my notes, I could see my father coming into the room.

"I guess. Have you talked to him?"

I had come over to see Mom for a few minutes, and decided that the dining room table was the best place for me to get some much needed work done without any interruptions.

"He has locked himself up there in his room. I don't know what is going on."

"I'm worried about him, Dad."

"I know, Ally, but this is between Edward and Bella."

Sighing, I looked through my checklist trying to push my concerns from my mind.

"Dad, are you okay with giving Bella away at the wedding now?"

Since the incident at the lake, Bella asked my dad to give her away. She wouldn't say why, but I had to guess that my brother finally told her he wouldn't give her away to Jake. It was annoying though that he was now growing a pair with only days till the wedding. I couldn't help but hear this little voice in my head saying, "Way to go, dummy!"

"Bella has always been like a daughter to me, and I know it's hard not having Charlie around to give her away, so yes, I am okay with it. It just bothers me that I was asked after Edward did something. I don't mind doing this for Bella, but I know in my heart she wanted him to do this for her."

"Edward wouldn't have given her away, Dad. He couldn't. I know him too well. I am glad he did it now instead of later. I just wish Bella wasn't in denial."

"I know, baby, but this is their thing. Let's just see how things turn out, okay?"

"Yeah. I just hope they figure it all out, before it's too late for them."

Dad leaned in and kissed me on the forehead before leaving me to continue working on the wedding preparations. It was then that my cell phone began to ring, a ring tone that I didn't hear very often.

"Hey Kat."

"_Hey, Ally. You picking me up or what? I honestly don't want to spend too much time with the love birds and her mother. Don't get me wrong, love them all, but I need some quiet time."_

"Sure thing. What time do you need me to pick you up?"

"_Our plane gets in around seven tonight. Can you make it? I know Bella is supposed to be here around by six thirty, I think."_

"Does she know that you called me to pick you up?"

"_Nope. I did tell her that I talked to you about staying with you and Jasper. I do have other reasons for wanting to stay there too."_

"Wanting to talk about some stuff?" I asked.

"_You know me so well. I guess I will see you when I get off the plane then."_

"Yeah, see ya then."

Sighing, I hung up quickly. The closer the wedding came, the more upset about the whole situation I became. I hated that I had to be so supportive of something that I knew was wrong and shouldn't be taking place, but I was Bella's best friend and I had to do this for her. It was killing me to hurt my brother by being this way, but I couldn't turn my back on Bella.

I kept working well into the afternoon and didn't finish until around four o'clock. Mom invited Jasper and I over for dinner so he would just meet me there. We ate by five and I was on my way to Seattle to pick up Kat by five thirty.

I was singing along with the radio as I drove, hoping that it would help me clear my head some before seeing everyone. I was excited to see Renee and Kat, even Jake, on some level, but I still wasn't sure how I was going to handle everything as time went on.

Parking at the airport was horrible, but that was to be expected. As soon as I entered, I looked up to see that Kat's plane was coming in at Gate Twenty. Walking through the crowd, I tried to concentrate on getting across the room when I saw Bella walking in that direction.

"Hey, Bells," I called out.

She turned and smiled as she walked toward me.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" She asked.

"Kat called me and wanted me to meet her here."

"I was going to pick them all up. You really didn't have to do that."

"I think she thought you would want some time with your mom and fiancé so she asked me to stay with me and Jasper."

"That's silly."

"I think you should humor her though. You know how she can be at times," I laughed as we continued to walk.

We reached the gate and we both had a seat on one of the benches. Bella began to rummage through her purse, pulling out her powder and began to dust her nose with just a little.

"I never thought I would see the day that Bella Swan was trying to impress someone."

"I'm not," she chuckled as she threw her compact back in her purse.

"Yeah, whatever," I laughed as I looked up to see Renee, Jake, and Kat walking through the gate.

Bella slipped her arms around her mother and then was quickly swept up into Jake's arms. Kat just stood back and let everything happen around her. I understood why, she was kind of in the same position that I was in.

"Hey, Alice," she whispered as she hugged me.

"Hey, you alright?" I asked.

Kat wasn't normally real quiet, her voice was one that carried well in a room.

"Yeah. Just been thinking a lot while I was on the plane."

"So, what is this I hear about you staying with Alice instead of your favorite cousin?" asked Bella as she came over to hug her.

"There aren't massive amounts of room at the house, Bells, plus it will give me some time to hang out with my girl here," she pointed at me as she spoke.

"Alright, but we have to get together tomorrow okay?"

"Of course, Bella. I am tired though, so I guess we need to get out of here. Right, Alice?"

Kat's expression was more like "save me" and I nodded as I grabbed one of her bags to help carry.

"We'll see you tomorrow, Bella," I replied as I waved to her.

Kat and I started to walk through the airport and after fighting off the hundreds of shoving people, we finally made it to the car. As soon as we got inside and both of us buckled our seat belts, Kat sighed.

"I don't know if I can do this, Alice."

"What are you talking about?" I asked as I began to back my car out of the parking space.

"This wedding. It is just getting annoying having to listen to Jake go on and on about how in love he is with Bella when I know that our girl doesn't love him like that back."

"No kidding," I mumbled as I turned the radio down.

"So she is still in denial about the whole thing?"

"Kat, I have never seen anyone that wants to fight against fate more then those two."

Kat laughed as she reached into the backseat for her purse to retrieve a piece of gum.

"You know Bella, she doesn't do things the easy way. I know something went down in Port Angeles a few days ago, and I can't seem to figure out exactly what."

"What are you talking about?" asked Kat.

"I think Bella and Edward almost had sex."

"WHAT?!"

"I don't know for sure, but Bella was half dressed, and Edward didn't have a shirt on when I got there to find Bella sobbing."

"He made Bella cry?"

"I don't think he did it on purpose, but yeah. I think he just threw her for a loop when he finally broke down to tell her that he loved her. I mean, after all the crap that they have been through, for him to dump this on her now…it would confuse anyone."

"I guess you are right about that, Alice, but it still makes me want to knock him out for doing that to her."

We drove in silence for a while, but the entire time I couldn't help but wonder what Kat was thinking about everything.

"Kat…"

"Yeah…"

"Do you think Bella is really going to marry him?"

"No. I don't think so. I think Bella just thinks that is what she is supposed to be doing."

"I'm glad that I am not the only one that is thinking that."

"I don't think Renee thinks that Bella will marry him either. I called her the other day before the flight and she said that Bella seems to be acting weird."

"Nothing Bella does really surprises me at this point. She is just doing everything to keep from facing the truth," I sighed.

"I guess we are just going to wait and see what happens then, or do you have any intention of telling her what you think?"

I wasn't really sure at this point what to do. I knew I wanted to say something to Bella, but then I also knew that it would push her to marry Jake even more. The whole thing was lose, lose situation.

"It will depend on how things keep going, Kat. I really don't know.

We drove the rest of the way to my house in complete silence, though I couldn't push my worries away. Knowing that Kat was thinking the same way as everyone, my family, Rose, and even Jasper, I couldn't help but wonder if the worst possible thing was going to happen. Were my friend and brother going to end up heartbroken and miserable forever because of how stubborn they are?

**Friday: Day Before the Wedding**

I was on the run constantly. Between me, Rose, and Kat, we were ready to pull out our hair and run for it. It was officially twenty hours till the wedding, and we were still running errands. Kat was picking up the dresses and delivering them to my house, Rose was making the final arrangements at the church, and I was dealing with the love birds, or the want-to-be love birds.

Watching Bella as she tried to be all lovey dovy with Jake was making me sick, especially when I could see the looks of disgust when Jake wasn't looking.

"You ready for tomorrow, baby?" Asked Jake as he pulled Bella up against his chest on the couch.

"Of course. I have been waiting my entire life for this moment," she answered with a smile.

"I think I need a drink," I answered before dashing from the room.

Pulling a glass from cabinet, I ran some water in it, and took a quick drink.

"What's wrong with you?"

Bella was standing behind me, her eyes expressionless.

"Nothing," I mumbled, "Nothing at all."

"You're lying."

"Well you wouldn't want to hear the truth so, don't ask if you want the truth."

"What is your problem," she whispered to keep Jake from hearing.

"My problem is that my best friend, a person that has been like my sister since she moved here is getting ready to make the biggest mistake of her life, and there is nothing I can say to convince her that it is without pushing her to be with the wrong guy."

I was gasping for breath… that was a mouth full. Bella's expression wasn't completely expressionless anymore, but more annoyed than anything.

"Don't start this, Alice. You have been so supportive…"

"I have, but because I love you Bella. I am not happy about it."

"If you don't like it, Alice, you don't have to be in this wedding. You have two options, you can drop it, and let it go or you can walk out of here and let me get married in peace. I am marrying Jacob tomorrow, and there is nothing you can do about it. Be happy for me, or get out."

This Bella was cold, but I knew why she was.

"I'll see you at the church, Bella," I answered as I started walking out of the kitchen.

"Alice…"

Turning back to look at her, I couldn't stop myself from glaring.

"Yeah?"

"This is the way it has to be."

"No, Bella, this is your choice, I just hope you don't come to regret it though."

I turned again and headed for the door. Shutting it behind me, I went straight for my car, but before I turned the key, I looked back up at the house, and I could see Bella pacing in her room. I couldn't help the wave sadness and the tears that began fall. This woman and this man were lost, and it hurt to see them so close, so in love, and to know that it was never going to be.


	41. Chapter 40: Bella's Uncertainty

Hello Everyone.

This is one of the moments that I know many ladies have been waiting for since I started the story… the wedding. It feels like things are coming full circle now, and that things are now in motion for the parts that I have been dying to write for almost a year. I hope you like it, and just know that the story isn't over yet…

The Normal Stuff: The Twilight Saga and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Check out my fave authors and stories… they are awesome. Check out my friends' stories too… DID by Dollegirl, No Regrets by RedChevy, and many others.

To my sweet reviewers… Thank you for your kindness. It is because of you that I keep working as well as the love of writing. You are really the nicest people ever, so I give you all my love.

To my sweet and lovely ladies… Halo, Birdee, ECyesplease, Red, Dolle, Who, pwtf, PurdueLiz, and everyone else… love ya! Like always, I send my love to my sweet and lovely, Red. I love ya so much, BB. Thanks for your time, though I know you have been so crazy busy lately.

I would also like to give my love to my Sweet Pea, CARLISLE'SDARKETERNALQUEEN, and my sister from another mother, twilightgurl22. I love you guys so much.

Now, on with the story…

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Chapter 40 Bella's Uncertainty Song: (Everything I Do) I Do It For You by Bryan Adams.  
Reasoning: I hear this song at almost every wedding I go to at some point, but I think it fits. There are many lines that will fit in with exactly how Bella is feeling, especially when she is thinking about the choice that she has to make toward the end of the chapter… though it doesn't end the way people would think.

* * *

Chapter 40: Bella's Uncertainty

**Edward's POV: Hours Before The Prologue**

The day from hell is upon me. My life, everything that I wanted is now within hours of being gone. I did everything that I could. I told her I loved her, wanted her, and she ran. She ran away from me, and now is avoiding me. I swore I didn't want anything do with this wedding, and I don't, but I don't want to sit here and let the love of my life marry someone that she really doesn't love back.

Since I watched Alice drive away with her, I haven't been myself. Far from it. I don't even recognize myself anymore. I can't stand to be around anyone, I want nothing more than to sit in darkness, and sulk.

Sitting on my bed, I could hear my parents getting ready to head to church. I cracked my door open somewhat and I could see my mother in a long dress of beautiful aquamarine, her hair cascading in chestnut waves. My father dressed in a classic black tuxedo with his hair gelled perfectly.

When I heard them downstairs, I finally stepped out of my room, dressed in just a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. Standing at the ledge, they both looked up to meet me, both sad. As soon as the front door closed behind them, I stormed back into my room and slammed the door behind me.

The more time passed the angrier I became. I couldn't stand here and just let things happen, but I couldn't go either. There was too much going through my mind. So, I grabbed a pair of jeans, and pulled on a pair of boots. Looking in the mirror quickly, I ran my hands through my hair, and reached for the keys to my bike. Jumping stairs on my way down, I went through the front door and went straight for the one thing that would give me a piece of freedom.

Stepping over and onto the seat, I pushed the key into the ignition, turned it, and the motorcycle roared to life. Revving the engine, I put it into gear, and roared off into the day, watching as the day slowly turned to night.

**Jacob's POV: Moments Before the Wedding March**

The moment that I have been waiting for my entire life was getting ready to take place. The woman of my dreams was going to be coming through the double doors into the sanctuary, dressed in white, and was going to become my wife. How could I not be so blissfully happy?

From the moment that I saw Bella when I was a teenager, I knew that she was the perfect woman for me. I tried so many times to forget her, to date other women, but no one could ever compare to the woman with the chocolate waves and dark eyes.

Dressed in my tuxedo, I stood in the hall just outside of the sanctuary with Quil, Embry, and Sam, knowing that in minutes that I will be entering, and begin my wait for my bride.

"Mr. Black, you may take your place now," stated the church wedding coordinator.

Turning to my friends, they all smiled back at me. They were happy to see me finally on my way to my happy ending. The door opened and we all filed into the church and took our places, my best man Sam standing beside me.

"This is it," he whispered. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Yes, this is exactly what I want," I answered.

Looking out into the congregation of both mine and Bella's friends, I saw so many smiling faces. One face I was happy to know would not be amongst them. He was not coming and for that I was thankful. He would finally be out of my love's life, for I would protect her from him from now on.

Suddenly, the music began to flood the room, and the ushers opened the doors to the bridesmaids. One by one, they filed into the church, all stunning in their aquamarine dresses. When the doors shut again, within seconds the wedding march began to play, and I began to hold my breath. The doors opened, and beyond them stood my angel, and my future.

**Bella's POV: The Day Before The Wedding**

I hate it when Alice is right. I really do. It is a very annoying thing, but mostly it just causes me to question everything that I have been trying to come to terms with. I am hours away from walking down the aisle to become Mrs. Jacob Black, and she wants me question everything I know I shouldn't be thinking about. I shouldn't be thinking that I loved the way Edward touched me at the lake, and how his body felt pressing against mine. I should be thinking about my wedding night with my soon to be husband.

In my head, I knew it was wrong to be even thinking about Edward touching me, or anything like that, because for starters he wasn't the man I was marrying and secondly, I let my hormones get the better of me.

Sighing, I sat down at my desk and stared out the window for a while. Jake was downstairs making some phone calls to Quil and Embry about the rehearsal, and I didn't want to be trying to process things under Jake's watchful eyes. It was then that I did the one thing that I was likely to do when I was nervous. I made a list.

If anyone would have walked in my room at that moment they would see me sitting here with a piece of paper that had two columns, one headed with both Edward and Jake's names, they would have likely thought that I had lost my mind completely. I began with Jake for obvious reasons… he was going to be my husband. I began to write. I concluded that Jake was stable, cared for me deeply, he fit into my life perfectly, and he wouldn't hurt me on purpose. Edward… when I began to write, the pen flew across the paper. I began with the fact that he has known me forever, knew me when I was a nobody, before I was an upcoming author; how he makes me laugh, how charming he really is, how his smile gives me the chills, how his kisses electrify me.

"What are you doing, baby?"

I shoved the list in my desk before I turned to smile at my fiancé.

"Nothing, just thinking."

"Hopefully about our honeymoon," he replied with a sinister smile.

I knew how excited he was about the honeymoon. When we went to La Push and I hung out with his friend, Leah, we went looking for lingerie. I felt awkward being there, and she helped me pick out this black number that she hinted that Jake would love taking off with his teeth. The mental picture kind of freaked me out, but if it was Edward… _No, not going there_.

"No, just thinking about life in general. Our lives are going to change so much tomorrow."

"Yeah, but it is the beginning of the rest of our lives. I love you, Bella."

"I know," I mumbled, almost wanting to cry.

"We need to get ready to go to the church, we have the rehearsal in an hour," he stated as he walked over to his suitcase to get another shirt to wear.

"Alright, are you going to meet Quil and Embry at the church or you going to have to meet them somewhere so they can find the church?"

"I'm going to leave now so I can go get them before the rehearsal. So I will see you there, okay?"

"Yeah, Kat will be over to pick me up in a bit."

"I'll see you in a bit, love," he replied as he kissed me on the cheek.

"See you soon."

He left me standing in the middle of my bedroom just as unsure of myself as I was when I started my pro/con list. On one level, I knew I was totally being unfair to Jake by marrying him like this. I couldn't even bring myself to say 'I love you' without stalling or stuttering. How pathetic is that?

I began to pace again, trying to calm myself down enough so that I could change clothes before Kat arrived to pick me up. Everyone was going to meet at the church, but Kat was going to come by so we could talk for a few minutes before we left.

"Hey," I heard called from below me.

"Up here, Kat."

I went to the closet and started to stumble through my clothes, and nothing really seemed appropriate to wear. Out of frustration, I began to throw things out of the closet and across the room.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Kat asked as she came into the room.

"Trying to figure what to wear, but that doesn't even seem important at this point," I sighed.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. I'm just confused about everything and…" I trailed off.

"Bella, you are acting like you are about to jump out of your dang skin. What is wrong?"

"Alice was here earlier and basically called me out about marrying Jake. I told her that if she couldn't be supportive of my marriage that she didn't have to be in the wedding so she just stormed off and said that she would see me at the church."

"Well, I am glad someone said something to you," she grumbled.

"Not you, too."

Kat finally walked from the doorway and sat down on the side of my bed before she focused her attention back on me.

"Come on Bells, you know and I know that this is a bad idea. I know you care about Jake, and that is fine, but you don't love him and you should be marrying him out of love not because you think he is the safe choice. I don't care if you don't want to be with the guy you really love, but it's not fair to either you or Jake."

"I love Jake, Kat. I really do," I lied.

"Bella, we are cousins, and I love you more than I do most of our family, and I know you better than most people… there is only one person that you have ever truly loved, and that isn't going to change anytime soon, especially now that he knows he loves you too."

I turned my attention back to finding myself something to wear to keep her from studying my eyes. They were treacherous and told on me when I wasn't careful. I picked out a purple silk shirt along with a pair of black pants, and some black ballet flats. Stepping into the closet so I was out of Kat's sight, I pulled on the clothes, and slipped back out to see her staring at me.

"Kat… it's too late for me to do anything with Edward. We had our chance before I started college, and he chose Tanya. I cried for months, and with Jake's help I came out of it. Look at me now… I'm more confident in my abilities, I don't depend on him, and I am my own person. Why would I want to go back to being the old me?" I asked.

"You don't have to go back to being that person, Bella, but you could give Edward the chance to show you what true love really is."

"I'm getting married, and I want to be happy and the more you throw Edward in my face, the harder it is for me to be happy," I said, completely exasperated.

"You shouldn't have to fight to be happy, you should just be happy."

"Please, stop," I begged.

"Fine. I'll stop this for you, but I want you to know that I don't like this, and no one else likes it for that matter. The only reason I am giving up is because I know you are too much like Uncle Charlie and you will be bull headed until you are ready to see the truth. I'll wait for you downstairs, we have to be at the church in twenty minutes."

She left me and I could hear her foot steps loud on the stairs as she went. I picked up my brush and ran it through my hair a few times until it was flat and quickly put on some make up. Looking up into the mirror, I realized that I didn't recognize myself anymore, mostly because I used to not be that concerned with how I looked, I was just plain and simple, nothing impressive, but now, I had an image to maintain.

I held my head high as I came down the stairs, not wanting my fear to shine through. Kat would call me on it, and I honestly didn't feel like dealing with her attitude over everything that was going on. She watched me carefully, but I didn't give her a reason to say anything to me, so I grabbed my keys and locked the door as I followed her out to her rental.

She drove a little faster than she normally would have and we arrived well before everyone else, but we just went inside to wait for everyone. The wedding coordinator was waiting just inside the sanctuary and I went up to talk about stuff while Kat took a seat in the last pew by the doors.

"Ms. Swan, do you understand?"

I turned to see the woman speaking to me not knowing what she had even said.

"I'm sorry…"

"Its okay, Ms. Swan, I was saying that we need to time to the music perfectly so that you will be walking in when the wedding march begins."

"Right," I agreed not really caring about a word she was saying.

Hearing something from behind me I turned to see the Cullens, and Hales were coming in along with Jake, Quil, Embry, Sam, and his dad. Sighing, I walked toward them, noticing that Alice wasn't looking at me at all, but she seemed to be in a better mood.

"Hey babe."

Jake had is strong arms around me and I wanted nothing more than to shove him away, but again, I would look weird pushing away my future husband.

"Hey," I replied with a fake looking smile.

It was then that the preacher came out of his office and began walking toward our group that was now standing in a large cluster. It was time for us to finally walk through the ceremony… then dinner, and some girl time. I wasn't going to be staying with Jake, I was going to be staying at Alice's and Kat and Rose were going to be staying as well. Our one last night together before I joined the married club.

Rehearsal wasn't much. We just stood around while the coordinator told us where we needed to be standing at different points, and them testing out the music. As we practiced the wedding walk through I realized, as I walked toward Jake how odd it seemed, but I tried not to think too much about, it just had to be my nerves. Jake's smiling face was something to see as I walked but I couldn't help but see flashes of green eyes, and tussled bronze hair.

The whole rehearsal took about an hour and a half, and we were off to dinner at one of the nicer restaurants in Port Angles. Everyone was chattering about stuff, including my fiancé, but me, I couldn't seem to get my act together. The more I thought about the fact that I was getting married the more I started to question my sanity. Maybe marriage wasn't for me. Maybe I should just take my relationship with Jake as it is and not worry about adding the legal part of it.

"You okay, baby?"

Turning to my right, I saw my mother sitting next to me. Her eyes were watching me closely, and I didn't even try to lie, there was no point. A mother just knew when their children were upset. Mine was no different.

"Yes and no. More confused than anything," I replied.

"You want to talk about it?"

"Maybe later."

"Too many ears?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Okay, we will talk soon though."

I knew that this conversation was going to be deep. Since I haven't been home and hadn't had to a chance to talk to my mom in a while, it was going to be one of those memorable ones that would or could change everything. Knowing that made me a little nervous.

I said goodbye to everyone with the exception of the people that I would be staying with. Jake was going to La Push to stay at his dad's and was going to spend some guy time with Quil and Embry.

"I'll see you tomorrow, babe. Tomorrow you will be my wife." His voice was a seductive whisper in my ear.

"Till then," I answered, hoping my uncertainty wasn't showing.

I rode with Kat over to Alice's and she and Rose were already there waiting on us when we got there. The living room was covered with an assortment of snacks and drinks along with a good collection of DVDs.

"Go change, and we'll start a movie," called Alice from the kitchen.

Kat was letting me borrow a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and after I changed, I ran a brush through my hair again before putting it up into a messy ponytail. Everyone was scattered around the room with a blanket and a bowl of popcorn within their reach. Finding a seat on the couch next to Rose, I pulled a blue blanket into my lap, and reached for the chocolate.

Alice put in the movie 10 Things I Hate About You… a classic from our high school days. How ironic that we were watching it. Maybe it was her way of sticking it to me without saying a word.

The atmosphere of the room was very uncomfortable. No one spoke, no one really looked at each other. Glancing over, I looked at Rose who was trying to appear to be focused on the movie, but I knew she was biting her tongue to keep from saying something that she wanted to say.

This was supposed to be fun… time with my best girl friends before I got married, but it was far from it. It was awkward, and made me nervous, even more so than I was before this started. As I watched the movie I couldn't help but think about everything… how the heroine was heartbroken by Heath Ledger when she found out that he was only seeing her because he was being paid to do so, when she really did care about him. Damn, this sucked.

The night pretty much continued in the same manner… more romantic comedies that kept me thinking about Edward and now I didn't know what to do. I wanted nothing more than to scream, but I kept it inside. Finally around midnight, everyone went to their selected area of the house and crashed since we all had to get up early.

With the blanket pulled up close to my chin, I couldn't relax, I couldn't stop worrying about the day to come. Something was wrong about the whole situation but I knew there was no point in trying to rationalize it now. It was too late. At five o'clock I would be marching into the church in a wedding dress and on to my future, one that I was completely unsure of now.

**The Wedding Day…**

The first sound I heard when I woke up was Alice moving around in the kitchen. Stretching, I stood to see that both Rose and Kat were still asleep. Walking carefully across the floor, I slipped into the kitchen and Alice quickly turned to see me standing behind her.

"Morning," she said quietly as I slipped into a chair at the kitchen table.

"Morning," I grumbled as I rubbed my eyes.

Sleep would have been great. I probably slept a whole two hours all night. I couldn't get my mind to relax enough to get myself through the night.

"You want to sit outside with me while I drink some coffee…"

"Sure," I replied, as I stood to follow her out the back door.

Slipping into the swing on her porch, we watched as the sun was beginning to rise over Forks, beckoning in a new day, one that was full of promise… one that was the start of the end, at least for me.

"I'm sorry, Bells."

"For?"

"Being so stubborn. I know you will do what you think is right and I have faith that you will make the right choice in the end. It's just hard to see you doing something that I know in my heart it isn't the best thing for you."

"I know you only said it because you thought it was what I needed to hear…" I trailed off.

We didn't say anything else. There really wasn't anything else that could be said on the issue. How do you tell a person that you know cares deeply for you, that you are terrified that you were making a mistake? But that you know it's one of the best choices that a person could make. The best description would be that you know its wrong, but in the end, the choice would be the best for all involved.

By eight, Kat and Rose had finally woken up, and unlike Rose and Alice's wedding, we weren't going to get our hair done… Alice and Rose were going to be doing it all, so that was why we were up so early. They started by ten, after we had a nice breakfast, that was full of more conversation than the night before. Alice was focusing on doing makeup, so while she worked on Kat, she kept her concentration on what she was doing… She was putting on very light makeup with a pearly lipstick that made her face softer in appearance. Rose, on the other hand, was working to get my hair up in loose curls, pinning them up partly but still with most of it flowing down my back. I watched Rose's expression as she focusing on putting the hair in place with bobby pins. I didn't say anything, mostly because I was worried that I would give away my fear…

Soon, Alice and Rose switched and Alice was soon working on applying makeup to me while Rose was loosely curling Kat's hair. Alice's expression was one of concentration… wanting to make me look like the beautiful bride. She worked quickly, applying eye makeup, along with a shimmering silver-like gloss across my lips.

"You are going to be a beautiful bride, Bella," she said as she stood back to examine her work.

"Thanks, Alice," I said with yet another fake smile.

While everyone was finishing up, I was walking through Alice's house looking at the pictures she had hanging on the walls and I couldn't help but look up at the pictures from our childhood. I couldn't help but laugh at the picture of the six of us at our first grade school dance. We thought we were so hot, but we were just… well, kids.

As I walked down the wall I could see us growing up, becoming adults, and our lives changing… from Prom, to graduation, through weddings, and up until now, we were all different people. Our lives had taken us in different directions but now we were all back in one place, and this event was going to be the one that would change our relationship with one another forever… it would never be the six of us again, Jake would now be among our number.

"You ready to go?"

Turning around, I finally saw that everyone was ready to leave. Everyone's hair was in place, makeup perfect, and ready to go to the church.

"Yeah, I guess."

We quickly gathered up the rest of our stuff, loaded up in Rosalie's car and headed for the church…

**An Hour Before the Wedding…**

"Hold your breath, Bells."

Taking a deep breath and holding it, my mom was helping me with the ties on the back of my dress. Alice, Rose, and Kat were already in their dresses and they were out talking to Esme and Carlisle who were just outside of the door.

"There. I think I got it."

Turning around I looked up at my mother, dressed in a simple blue dress, she looked at me with admiration and a touch of sadness.

"What's wrong, Mom?" I asked as I took a seat on one of the couches in the bridal room.

"I wish your dad was here for this."

"I know," I replied taking a deep breath in hopes of keeping from crying.

"Bella, I want you to know how proud I am of you and I know your dad would be too."

"I hope so, Mom. I really do."

She sat down beside me and pulled me into a hug. Leaning my head down on her shoulder, I felt like I did when I was a little girl, hoping that my mommy could take away my pain, my fears, and all my worries.

"Bella, I really want to know… are sure you want to marry Jacob Black…"

"Mom…" I started, but stopped mid thought.

"Isabella, did I ever tell you about the day that I married your father?"

"Yeah."

"Did I ever tell you that I almost ran from my own wedding?"

Looking up to meet her eyes, I was shocked to hear this. My parents loved one another so much.

"Bella, I was younger than you are now when I was getting married to you father, and I thought I knew what I wanted. I was told that I should be happy with my station in life, and marry, have a family and even though I loved Charlie Swan more than the world could understand, I didn't want to conform to what the world thought I should do. I wanted to rebel against it all. I didn't want to listen to what people were saying to me. Your grandmother came into this very room and sat with me and told me, that I should do what my heart wanted. If it was to get married that day, so be it, but if I had any doubts at all, that I should not go forward with the marriage. She left me alone for a while and I walked out the doors, even before the wedding started, and started walking toward my car, keys in hand when I saw, your dad walking toward the church. He didn't see me there, but I watched as he dropped his keys, almost stumbled to the ground trying to pick them up and him drop the ring box on the ground. When I saw how nervous he was, and just how handsome he was in that tuxedo… I couldn't leave him. I didn't have to conform to people's thoughts… I just had to do what I wanted, and I wanted that man more than anything in the world. So, I did do what everyone wanted, I got married, and had a family, but I had a career, and a life that was full of blessings. I got to watch the most beautiful little girl grow up into this fascinating woman, one that is brave and has, heart just like her father…"

Looking up at her, I could see her eyes were brimmed with tears, and I could have sworn that I would have cried as well.

"So, Isabella, I will tell you what my mother told me… Follow your heart. Let it lead you to wherever you need to go, take the love of the people that care for you with you, and make the choice that is best for you. Don't take the easy path, take the one that will bring you the most happiness in the end. I did, and I got more joy and happiness than I could ever imagine," she said with a smile.

"Thanks, Mom," I said as I pulled her into a hug and held her close.

There was a knock at the door and I called to the other side to ask who it was…

"Its BJ, can I come in for a minute?"

Mom continued to smile as she walked over to the door to let him in. BJ was dressed to kill in a very nice Armani shirt and tie. He was just that stylish.

"Mrs. Swan," he nodded as he slipped past her.

"It's nice to see you again, BJ."

My mom shut the door behind her, as BJ crossed the room and had a seat in front of me.

"I'm sorry that I didn't get here till today."

"Its okay," I said with a deep breath.

"So this is it… you ready for this?"

"Would you think I am a horrible person if I said I wasn't?"

"No, not at all."

"What am I going to do, BJ?"

"Bella, you are going to do what is best for you and that is all that can be expected of you. Just know that I have your back if you need me."

"Thanks, it really does mean a lot to me."

"You know I love ya like a sister, Bells. You are a good friend, and the person I would want in my corner if things were getting bad," he answered with a smile.

The door opened, and just beyond it stood Carlisle.

"Its time, Bella."

"I'll see you after the ceremony, Bella."

Both of us stood and he hugged me before he left. Carlisle stepped aside to let BJ pass and slowly stepped into the room himself.

"You look beautiful, Bella. Charlie would have thought so as well," smiling back at me.

"Thanks, Carlisle. Coming from you that means a lot."

He extended his hand and I took it as he led me from the room. We were met by Kat, Alice, and Rose, along with Sam, Quil, Embry, and the ushers; Seth and Brady just outside of the sanctuary doors. Not far away, were my mom and Esme… I asked that they would come into the church together since they were both so important to me, with both my family and Billy along with Jacob's sisters. I was taking deep breaths, hoping that it would send my uncertainty away.

The wedding coordinator was now lining everyone up… My mom and Esme, Billy and his daughters, Kat with Embry, Rosalie with Quil, and Alice with Sam, and finally me with Carlisle. Taking out her walkie-talkie, the coordinator told the person in the balcony of the church, who was in charge of the music, to start playing. I could hear the music begin to play and I stood back farther so that no one inside the church could see me. I could see Brady and Seth pulling the doors open and the coordinator directing when everyone should be coming into the church.

As soon as Sam and Alice made their entrance to the sanctuary, Seth and Brady shut the doors, allowing for me to come forward and stand before the doors, Carlisle holding on to me.

"Bella…"

Looking up, I was met by Carlisle's bright eyes.

"I know I am not Charlie, but I have always loved you like you were my daughter. I will always be there for you, I hope you know that."

I hugged him, and smiled up to him without saying a word. If I would have tried to form a thought I would have cried and Alice would have killed me if I ruined my makeup.

It was then that the wedding march began to play and I started to tremble as I watched the ushers pull the doors open and the congregation standing, waiting for me to enter the church. Everyone watched in awe as I walked in, my eyes scanning the room. I could see my family, friends, and even my boss watching me make my way to the alter. When I finally made eye contact with Jake, I thought I was going to be sick. He looked so blissfully happy, and that wasn't what I was feeling.

Carlisle kissed my hand as he handed me off to Jake. When Jake's hand touched mine, I thought I was going to die. He led me up to the preacher, who was smiling back at us. He began the ceremony… a traditional one, like the one that my parents, the Cullens, and my friends had, but I didn't hear any of it.

We passed the moment that asked if anyone had just cause for this marriage not to take place, but no one spoke up. I guess on some level I wanted Edward to stop this, but I could see he wasn't going to do that. It was when I heard the preacher say, "Bella do you take this man to be your loving husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live," that my mom's words popped up in my mind.

_Follow your heart. _

Looking up into Jake's hopeful eyes, I realized that I was making a mistake, on so many different levels.

"I… can't," I stuttered.

I could hear the gasp of the congregation, and the look of horror on Jacob's face, but I couldn't stand here and do something that I knew that was not good for me.

"Bella…" he gasped.

I couldn't speak, all I did was turn and run. I could feel my veil falling from my hair, even the pins falling from it as I dashed from the altar and out of the double doors of the inner sanctuary and toward the doors out of the church.

I could feel the tears now, streaming down my face as I threw open the doors and I let out a sob of sadness, it was then that I saw him. Sitting on his motorcycle just outside the doors was Edward, his eyes full of sadness and now shock at seeing me like this. Something inside me told me to run to him, that he would take care of all my problems, that he would ease the pain that was radiating within my soul, but I couldn't bring myself to do that.

"Bella," he said, so softly I almost didn't hear him.

It was then that I heard the double doors of the church slam shut and I knew that someone was after me, trying to stop me, and it didn't take much to know who it was behind me. Turning back I saw Jake standing behind me, his eyes still showing how shaken he was by what I had done. When his eyes shifted to Edward I knew he wanted nothing more than to murder him on the spot, I knew in my mind he was going to blame my running on Edward, though I ran for my own well being.

"Bella, I love you. I want you to be my wife. Please, come back inside," begged Jacob.

"I don't think I can. I don't know what to do." My voice almost a mumble.

Turning, I looked back over to Edward and again I just wanted to go to him, but I kept my feet firmly planted; it was then that he finally spoke.

"I love you, Bella. You are my heart, my soul, my everything. I was such a fool to tell you all those years ago that I didn't want your love. I missed out on so much with you, but this is your choice. I have been a complete asshole to you about your feelings for me, but you have always believed that I was this good and sweet person. You make me want to be that person. I'm tired of the womanizing, I want a person that means something to me, and that person is you. If you love him more than me, I will go away and leave you to your happiness. The only thing that really matters is your happiness."

His words made my heart soar, and I couldn't help but look at Edward for a moment to turn back to Jacob. This was a tough choice…

"You!" I heard Jake scream from behind me.

I turned to see Jacob storming past me and toward Edward. Edward was now jumping up from his bike, and walking toward him.

"It's your fault. You can't go away and let her be happy. You have to start this bull about loving her, making her question our relationship. Get the fuck out of here, Edward. Leave us alone."

"I am not going anywhere unless Bella tells me to go," he replied calmly as Jake continued to glare at him.

My mind was trying to process what was going on in front of me. The two guys that I cared about were now in a yelling match with each other over me. Me! Bella Swan of all people. It was when Jake raised his arm and punched Edward in the jaw that I screamed.

They were now rolling across the parking lot, throwing punches as they went. Jake's lip was soon bloody and Edward's eye was starting to blacken. I continued to scream, but no one was coming.

"Stop it! Stop it! Edward! Jake! Stop!"

It was then that BJ came running out of the church, running out as if he was going to jump in and stop them, but I quickly grabbed him by the arm.

"Don't. You'll get hurt," I replied, as the tears continued to stream down my face.

"Bella…"

They were fighting over me. I couldn't do this. I couldn't handle this anymore. I had to get away, I couldn't watch this anymore.

"Take me home, BJ. Please, God, just take me home. Get me out of here."

"Bella, you are just going to…"

"Yes, get me out of here," I continued to sob.

"Come on," he said as he reached for my hand and began to pull me toward his car which wasn't far from where the fight was still taking place.

He quickly opened the door for me and I climbed inside, not caring whether the dress got ruined. He was getting in on the driver side within seconds and the car started quickly. Looking out of the window I could still see them fighting, not even noticing that I was leaving. BJ had the car in reverse and pulling out of the lot in another direction, far from the rolling balls of testosterone.

I didn't say word, I just cried. I couldn't stand this. I couldn't watch them fight over me, so I was going to do the one thing to keep this from happening again. I was leaving, for good this time. It broke my heart that I had to do this, I would miss Forks, my friends, home, but this wasn't what I needed anymore. So I buried my face in my hands and sobbed while my friend drove me away from all the heartache that was now flooding my soul.


	42. Chapter 41: Watching Airplanes

Hello Everyone.

We are nearing the end of our story… only a few more chapters to go. Will Edward catch up with Bella before she leaves Forks? Will they have their happily ever after? Everyone will be finding out soon. Now we are going to go back to Edward and let him have his say so about the fight that broke out between him and Bella…

The Normal Stuff: The Twilight Saga and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Check out my fave authors and stories… they are awesome. Check out my friends' stories too… DID by Dollegirl, No Regrets by RedChevy, and many others.

To my sweet reviewers… You are all so nice. Thank you so much for your lovely reviews. You have truly kept me inspired to work over the past year of writing this. So I give you my love and appreciation for your kindness.

To my sweet and lovely ladies… Halo, Birdee, ECyesplease, Red, Dolle, Who, pwtf, PurdueLiz, and everyone else… love ya!

To my sweet and lovely goddess, Red… I love ya so much, BB. Thanks for your time, though I know you have been so crazy busy lately. You are truly appreciated.

I would also like to give my love to my Sweet Pea, CARLISLE'SDARKETERNALQUEEN, and my sister from another mother, twilightgurl22. I love you guys so much.

Now, on with the story…

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Chapter 41 Watching Airplanes Song: Watching Airplanes by Gary Allen  
Reasoning: When I started this story I heard this song in my head a lot because I knew what was going to happen at the wedding, and I thought it would fit perfectly with this moment in the story. Especially since Edward isn't going to let Bella get away… not again.

Extra Songs: I have a couple of others that were floating in my head if you would like to hear them. I Can Still Feel You by Colin Raye and I Still Miss You by Keith Anderson.

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Chapter 41: Watching Airplanes

Stepping off my motorcycle I was matching every step with Jacob Black as he approached me. He was beyond mad, he was out for my blood, and I didn't doubt that at all since he blamed me for all the pain that he was suffering through.

"It's your fault. You can't go away and let her be happy. You have to start this bull about loving her, making her question our relationship. Get the fuck out of here, Edward. Leave us alone," screamed Jacob.

"I am not going anywhere unless Bella tells me to go," I replied, hoping that I appeared to be holding my ground.

It was then that Jacob raised his arm and jacked me in the jaw. I wasn't going to stand by and let him get best of me, so I hit him back. He quickly grabbed me by the shirt and flipped me to the ground. While this was happening, I could hear Bella screaming for us to stop, and I was trying to. I continued to try to defend myself with hopes of stopping this before both of us were hurt, mostly I wanted to stop Bella's cries because they broke my heart as I rolled across the ground. I couldn't see her, but I could hear her and someone approaching hoping that maybe it was Emmett and Jasper so we could get this fight broken up.

Not long afterward though, I couldn't hear her anymore, all I could hear were the grunts and deep breaths that were coming from me and Jake. He had already clocked me in my eye and I knew it was starting to swell because it was becoming more and more difficult to see out of it.

When I finally heard the yells coming from behind me, I knew it was Emmett. I felt his arms snake around me, pinning me to prevent me from swinging anymore. I quickly saw that Jasper had Jake in the same position.

"What the hell are you to doing?" yelled Emmett.

"He ruined everything!" screamed Jake. "He just couldn't stand to see Bella happy with me so he confuses her with this bull about being in love with her so she wouldn't marry me."

I didn't struggle, I didn't say a word. There was no point. No one would believe me. Even though I knew my family knew I loved Bella, they didn't think I had done enough before this point to get her to see how much I love her. I just stared at the ground for a moment, but when I brought my eyes to see who was around, I became frantic when I didn't see Bella.

"Where's Bella?" I asked quickly, starting to fight against Emmett's grip on me.

I then realized that everyone was standing out side… the whole bridal party was encircling us, and no where in sight was the bride. It was then that Jake realized that she was gone as well. He immediately started to struggle against Jasper trying to get away from him as well.

"You scared Bella off," he screamed at me.

"Me? You were the one that started fighting with me in the first place. I didn't even come here to fight with you Jake, I was here to mourn the fact that I was a damn fool and I let the woman of my dreams get away, you were the one that started this fight."

Both, Jake and I got loose from our captors and rushed each other in hopes of getting a couple more hits in, but before we could, Emmett and Jasper had us stopped.

"You two have to stop this crap," yelled Alice, who was now glaring at the two of us.

I finally stopped struggling and soon, Jake did as well. Everyone stood there for a moment before anyone spoke again. I watched as Kat stepped up beside Jake, and gently touch his shoulder. How didn't I see this before…?

While everyone else was focusing on trying to get Jake calmed down, I figured it was time for me to take matters into my own hands. I quietly slipped away and onto my bike. Only when I kicked it to life did they realize that I was leaving and obviously going after Bella. I could see Jasper and Emmett going for Jake because he was now trying to stop me, but I had the motorcycle in gear and was accelerating before he could catch up with me.

The sky was getting darker and the stars were beginning to shine overhead and everything that I passed by was a complete blur. I saw nothing but getting me to Bella's before she did something that I knew she would regret later on. I didn't want her to have any misgivings, and I knew how she thought.

When I finally arrived, I saw a car that I didn't recognize there and Bella's rental was gone. Jumping from my bike I ran up to the house to find a lanky looking guy sitting on the steps. He looked up at me, dressed in a suit… obviously he was at the wedding.

"Where is she?" I asked.

"Gone. I told her it was a mistake, but she said she had to. I'm going to guess you are him though."

"Huh? Who are you?"

"I'm BJ. I work with Bella at Smith Publishing. I'm her boss' assistant. You're Edward right?"

"Yeah. Why?" I asked, getting a little confused.

"She left this for you. I told her I would wait here till you came, and she said you would."

Handing me a folded piece of paper he smiled at me before walking down to his car and driving away. When I knew he was gone I went to retrieve the hide-a-key, and slipped into the house. Turning on the lights, I saw that all Bella's work stuff was gone, along with her books, and I quickly ran up stairs and opened her bedroom door to see that it was a mess… clothes thrown everywhere.

Going back down stairs, I sat down on the couch before I focused on the piece of paper that was in my hands. Unfolding it, my hands trembled, and it was when I saw Bella's beautiful script along with blotches where the ink had run together that I started to feel tears forming. She cried as she wrote this…

_Edward,_

_I'm so sorry, but I can't stay here, not now at least. Everything happened so fast, and it is something that I can't deal with at the moment. I'm not running away because I don't want to eventually face everything, I am going to get myself back together so I can face everything, in due time. _

_Bella._

No. She wasn't going to run. Not now. I couldn't let her. Where would she go though? Looking around I saw a piece of paper on the table. On it was one word along with a phone number, airport. I quickly locked her house and jumped back on my bike. While driving, I was trying hard to think about how far ahead of me she must be… probably thirty minutes or so. Pushing down on the gas, I accelerated to some very high speeds in hopes of catching up with her. Maybe I could talk her into staying. I wouldn't push her for anything, but I just couldn't deal with the fact that she was leaving again without a word to anyone, even if it was just for a short amount of time. I had to talk to her, just maybe, I could help her and she wouldn't have to leave.

I was pushing all the driving laws, but I arrived at Seattle-Tacoma International, and I quickly dashed inside. I quickly looked to see what planes were leaving, and when I saw that there was a flight to St. Louis in less than twenty minutes, I knew where she was headed.

Running through the crowds of people, I kept praying that I wouldn't be too late, that she wouldn't be out of my reach. As I neared the gate for the flight to St. Louis, I saw the guard and the lady standing at a podium to collect the tickets.

"Hello sir, may I have your ticket, please," she asked with a smile.

"I don't have a ticket, I just need to talk to someone before she gets on the plane."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I can not let you pass without a ticket, and I believe that this flight is been booked completely too. You can always try to catch the next flight, it leaves in two hours."

"You don't understand I have to stop her from leaving. Please," I begged.

"I'm sorry. There is nothing I can do, and I just got the message that they are in the process of boarding. Even if I could let you through, she is already on the plane."

The feeling of my heart dropping almost made me sick. She was gone and there wasn't anything that I could do about it. The urgency was now gone and I walked slowly through the airport, when I looked up I saw a plane taxied out to the runway. Watching the plane, I felt like dying. This couldn't be the end. Not the end of me and Bella. It couldn't be.

When I got outside, I saw the plane take off and I knew she was gone. I didn't even get to say good bye her. Sighing, I sat down on a bench, and began to stare up to the sky that was covered with a blanket of stars. Never had I felt so alone, and yet, I couldn't help but realize that it was my fault. It was my fault that Bella didn't know till a week before the wedding, my fault that I didn't fight hard enough for her, and my fault that I let my own heart get broken.

**The Next Day…**

When the curtains to my bedroom flew open, I groaned as rolled over to smash my face into the pillow. I didn't know who was in my room, and I didn't care. My life was over.

"Get out of that bed, Edward Masen."

Rolling over, I saw my mother, glaring at me from across the room.

"Go away," I groaned as I rolled away from her, pulling the blanket over my head.

The blankets were ripped off me and I rolled over to say something but I knew better by the expression on her face.

"What happened last night with Jake? Jake wouldn't say anything. The best question I guess would be what happened when you went after Bella? I am going to guess by the fact that she isn't here that it didn't go well."

"Nothing really. I didn't do anything to him. I told Bella what I needed to and he freaked out, started yelling at me, and eventually he hit me and I was defending myself. Emmett and Jasper stopped us, and then we realized Bella was gone, I went to her house trying to catch up with her… long story short, I got to the airport when her plane was leaving and I sat there most of the night staring at the sky kicking myself for how dumb I was."

"Edward…"

"No, Mom. There isn't anything to say but that I was stupid, and I let the best thing in my life get away from me. I was too afraid to do anything about it, and I lost her. I mean, I don't think she is going to go away like she did last time, but it is never going to be like it was before."

She walked over and sat down beside me, looking deeply into my eyes.

"It might not be the same as before, maybe it will be better."

"Mom, I doubt it."

"I would think you would believe in the impossible Edward? Look what happened to you… you pushed her away, and she came back and you were close again, why couldn't it happen again, especially this time since she knows you love her back."

Shaking my head, I tried to push her words away. It couldn't happen. At least not now. Too much had happened to the both of us.

"I actually came up here to tell you that Renee is here to see you. So get dressed and come down stairs. She's waiting for you in the dining room."

My mother shut the door behind her and I walked into the bathroom to see that I looked like hell. I grabbed a washcloth and washed my face in hopes it would make me look more alive, but it didn't help much. Crossing the room I went to my closet, and pulled out a plain black t-shirt and a pair of jeans, and promptly put on my pair of Harley Davison boots. Running my hands through my hair, I headed down stairs.

I really couldn't figure out why Renee would want to see me of all people. I was honestly surprised that she doesn't blame me for what happened at the wedding yesterday. As I came down the stairs, I could hear my mother and Renee talking just low enough that I couldn't hear what was going on, and as soon as I entered the room, both stopped talking. Renee looked up at me, and I was scared to meet her gaze so I looked toward the floor.

"You wanted to see me, Renee."

"Edward, you don't have to hide your eyes from me."

Looking up, I saw her smile at me.

"I'll leave you two to talk," replied my mother as she left the room.

"Edward, I wanted to tell you that I don't blame you for what happened yesterday, because I know that is likely what you think I am here to do."

"Okay… I know this is going to sound really rude, but then why are you here?" I asked.

"Edward, you know you have always been like a son to me. You have been around since Charlie and I moved to Forks and you and Bella were inseparable."

"We were, but that is in the past," I said with a sigh.

"No, Edward. I don't think it is in the past, at least not yet."

Looking at her again, I could see she was hopeful, but for what reason, I couldn't figure out.

"Renee… do you know something that I don't?"

"Bella loves you Edward, but you really hurt her when you rejected her years ago. She isn't one to forget being hurt easily. Jake was her way to prove to herself that she was over you and after I told her about what happened at my wedding, she had to be a little spooked."

"I'm not following… what happened at your wedding that would bother Bella?"

She quickly told me the story that she told Bella before her walk down the aisle and I realized that it would freak out anyone or inspire them to change their mind about anything.

"Edward, she didn't marry Jake because she loves you."

"Why did she leave then?"

"Because even though she loves you, right now she can't be with you, and I am not sure when that will be…" she trailed off.

"Or ever," I replied sadly.

"Oh, Edward, don't give up on her. That is the worst thing you can do."

"I'll try not to, but it's hard, Renee."

"Also, I wanted to let you know something before I leave."

I really couldn't understand what she would be talking about. What else would she have to tell me about besides something about Bella?

"Edward, I'm selling the house. The only reason I was holding off is because Bella wanted to get married here and she needed a place to stay, but I don't have any intentions of moving back. I am living with my sister and I am happy in Illinois and with Charlie not being here, it's hard to be here…"

I don't know what came over me, but the words rushed out in a jumble.

"How much?"

"How much for what, Edward?"

"The house."

Renee's eyes were wide by now. Anyone that could walk in the room at this very moment would know she was trying to process what I was saying to her, and honestly I really didn't know what I was saying at this point.

"Edward… you can't be serious," Renee's tone was one of confusion, and it wasn't improving.

"I am… I think."

She reached into her purse and pulled out some papers and handed them to me. I quickly saw that they were the realty papers that she had just signed. Reading them quickly I came to the bottom line. Thinking quickly, I thought about my savings and part of my trust fund that was left to me by one of my grandmothers.

"I want the house."

Her eyes were wide as she looked at me, and when I heard a crash from the kitchen, I knew that my mom was going to be in the dining room in three… two… one…

"EDWARD! ARE YOU INSANE?!"

My eyes were wide when she burst into the room, and it appeared that Renee was a little worried as well.

"Maybe… I don't know, but Mom I am well into my twenties, I think I can buy a house if I want to."

"Edward you are jumping into something that you are not ready for."

"Maybe this is what I need, Mom. I need something to keep me from focusing on Bella so much and it is perfect. It's in Forks, its close if anyone needs me. Why not?"

Both Renee and my mother looked at one another for a moment. I couldn't tell what was going on, but I knew they were having one of those unspoken conversations about the whole situation overall. I didn't know why I was doing this, but maybe it was for the best. Maybe change was a good thing.

"I think you are right. Maybe it is time for you get out of the house and move on with your life."

"Renee, but can I make a request if you don't mind."

"Of course, Edward. What can I do for you?"

"Can you not tell Bella I am buying the house? I don't think she would react well to it."

"Edward that is silly, but if that is what you want… I guess I can do it," she sighed. "So I guess I need to go back to the realtor and tell him not to even put it on the market."

"I'll go with you so we can get the process started if you want…" I started, though trailing off toward the end.

"Sure. You ready now?" she asked as she stood from the table.

"Yeah, I guess. Let's go."

Standing from the table, I picked up my keys and got on my motorcycle as Renee got into her rental car. I followed her into Forks and to the realtor's office and within two hours, I was the proud new owner of a house.

**Three Weeks Later…**

Standing in Bella's… no, that's not right. My living room. It was mine. It has been mine for almost three weeks now. It was still strange to consider this house mine. The idea that I was living in a place that Bella grew up was still strange to me, and on some level, still a comforting thing.

Everything was different now. After signing the papers, Renee called Bella to let her know that she had already sold the house and that she was going to stay to make arrangements to get everything sold, stored, or sent back to Illinois. My family was helping with both Renee's end of the situation, and with me moving in. It took a while to get everything done, but in a way it wasn't long enough. By the end of the second week, Renee hugged everyone goodbye and was on a plane back to Illinois.

As soon as everything was out of the house, my mother along with Rosalie and Alice began to go through the house and began to paint everything, changing the colors of the rooms, even having Emmett and Jasper help with changing some of the floors. Finally, in the last two days, they went and picked out new furniture and now it was officially in place. The last of my clothes were now in the closets, some of my tools were now in the garage along with 'Christine' and I still felt weird. I guess it would take time for it to become home to me. Maybe my parents' house will always be home, and this place will only be a place to sleep, I don't know…

Sighing I sat down on my new leather couch, and stared down at the coffee table. Sitting there was stack of mail that my parents brought over along with a package that was sent to me. The address I didn't recognize but the handwriting on it, I would know anywhere. I haven't been able to bring myself to look inside though. I was worried that it would be something that would say something that would break me even more than I have been already. I wasn't ready for it all to be over, but now I knew were she was.

Since leaving I haven't heard from Bella, though Alice has told me many times that it has nothing to do with the fact that she doesn't want to talk to me. Mostly she has been busy with promoting her new book that came out the week after the wedding was to take place. I had heard mention of her name as a new author when I actually turned on the TV a week ago and supposedly it was being well accepted. I didn't have any doubts that it wouldn't be a success, but it is still weird to hear people talking about her like they knew her.

They didn't know that she hates to be poked in the ribs because she will squeal and laugh, or that she loves her mother's gooseberry pie. This was the Bella that I loved. Not this woman that people were talking about. Not the new author that had studied history and has now become the rising a star in the world of writing, the one with a bright future ahead of her. This would never be the person that I fell in love with.

Leaning back against the couch, I closed my eyes and thought about everything up to this point. I have done everything to push Isabella Swan away from my heart, my mind, but nothing I could do would take those chocolate orbs from my dreams or thoughts. Staring down at the box, I finally pulled the tape off the box and started to remove the packing, to see a book lying in the bottom.

Pulling it from the box, it was heavy in my hands, I guess it was to be expected of a hardbound book. Looking over the cover I saw an image that I recognized immediately. It was a picture from La Push looking out over First Beach. It was a beautiful one with sun shining down over the waters, a view that many people wouldn't see that often, a woman standing at the edge of the cliff a long dress blowing in the wind.

I set it down for a moment but quickly gathered it up in my hands and flipped it open to see that there was something written within the pages. Looking down I paused as I read them.

_To the one person that will always know me. Thank you for believing in me, even when I didn't._

_Bella._

Staring at the words and I finally couldn't take much more of this so I threw the book across the room.

"Damn it!" I yelled.

"I wouldn't throw that if I was you."

Turning around I saw my dad standing in the doorway. He looked at me seriously as he shut the door behind him. Honestly, I hadn't even heard him open the door. I finally walked across the room and picked up the book and placed it back on the table.

"I know, it's just hard, Dad. Knowing how much I love her, miss her… Its hard to see that she seems indifferent about the whole thing."

"From what Alice has told me, she has been very unhappy Edward and that in the two weeks that we were getting things finalized, she wrote a whole new book."

"A new book? Don't they take more than two weeks to write?" Asking since I was a little confused about what he had just said.

"You would think, but I guess she was inspired by something."

"Dad…"

"Edward, I am not going to sugar coat this, because what is the point. You are a grown man and it is time for you to hear this. You know life isn't perfect, that you will have rough patches, but you don't have to live like this. If you are this unhappy, do something to fix it."

"What though?"

"You want Bella… do something about it! Give her something, a grand gesture of your love for her. Pour your heart out to her. Don't be afraid that she will hurt you, just jump. If it wasn't for that, I wouldn't be as happy as I am now."

Grand gesture huh? As I sat there I kept thinking about what I could do and when I saw the address on the box, I couldn't help but come to a quick conclusion of what I should do.

"So, what are you going to do?" he asked, knowing that I had thought of something.

"I'll let you know as soon as I am done," I answered with a smile.

"Okay, but be careful, Edward, and know that no matter what happens, everyone loves you."

"Thanks, Dad."

He pulled the door shut but not before he looked back with a reassuring smile.

Picking up the phone I called Alice and quickly asked her to order me some flowers to be delivered to Bella at her new place… in Chicago. She sounded surprised, but she didn't ask me any questions, she told me that she would take care of it and that she would have them delivered tomorrow afternoon.

The next thing I did was to call the airport and see when the next flight to Chicago was because I was going to be on it.

**Early The Next Morning…**

I have never been on a plane before, so sitting there in a seat just before the plane was to take off was something completely new, and completely terrifying at the same time. When the captain came across the intercom and told us to buckle up and that we would be taxiing out to the runway soon to take off, I felt myself gripping the armrests.

"Never flown before, sonny?"

Turning to left I saw an older woman, probably in her seventies, looking at me with curiosity.

"Is it that obvious?" I replied through gritted teeth.

"You will be fine. I do have this feeling that it is more than the flying that is bugging you."

"You are good at reading people."

"That happens when you have been around as long as I have been."

"I'm going after my girl."

"I should have guessed. Young love. I remember my first love, not something I would ever forget."

"I hurt her though," relaxing some as I talked to her.

"All relationships have a little hurt in them at different points, but the love is what makes it worth while."

"I hope so."

"You survived it," she chuckled.

"What?"

"The take off."

I couldn't help but laugh when I realized that we were now in the air and on our way to Chicago.

"Thank you."

"I figured that all you needed was a little distraction. I do hope that everything goes well with your girl though. She must be a lucky one," she said examining me closely.

"No, I am the lucky one… she is absolutely and totally perfect."

With a smile, she went back to her crossword puzzle that was sitting in her lap, and I leaned back a little and closed my eyes with hopes of thinking through everything that I need to say when I got to Bella's. I don't know how, but I slept the entire way there, and only woke up because the captain was announcing that we would be landing in Chicago soon.

Thirty minutes later we had landed and I was collecting my lone bag. I began to walk through the airport, taking in everything. I stepped out to see the sky was clear, the sun shining, and the whole thing gave off a moment of possibilities. Looking down at the piece of paper that had her address written down on it, I figured out that I needed to take a cab into the city before taking a train the rest of the way.

Hailing the cab, I watched the cars flying by, the city getting closer by the second, and my stomach filling with butterflies as I kept getting closer. Paying the driver, I took the subway down three stops and quickly got off, looking around at the neighborhood that Bella was living in. It was a nice place, from what I could tell. I walked down three blocks and looked up at a building that was obviously an old warehouse building that was remodeled into an apartment building.

The inside still had the look of a warehouse, but maybe it was what they were looking for. The elevator looked like an old freight elevator, the huge metal door and the grate that you had to pull in front of it as well. Stepping inside the elevator, I pushed the button to take me to the top floor. The elevator groaned as it started to lift me toward Bella's floor. The whole thing shook when it came to a stop at the top, and when I opened the door, I saw two different doors… one another apartment, and the other Bella's. Stepping out I looked to see that both doors were similar to the huge metal doors that would slide to let you inside.

Walking to my left I stood in front of the door, just beyond it lived the love of my life. Shaking… I brought my hand to knock, and I waited for her to answer.


	43. 42: Please Forgive Me I Miss You

Author note to follow the chapter… I figure you have waited long enough for this one.

Twilight and all its characters are all the property of Stephenie Meyer, no copyright infringements are intended.

* * *

Chapter 42: Please Forgive Me… I Miss You Songs: Stay… I Miss You by Lisa Loeb and Please Forgive Me by David Gray  
Reasoning: I think they speak for themselves.

* * *

Chapter 42: Please Forgive Me… I Miss You

**Three Weeks After The Wedding**

Honestly, I never thought my life would turn out this way. I thought I would now be married and trying to move on with my life with my new husband, but that isn't the case. I have spent the last couple of weeks doing nothing but promoting my new novel, and writing nonstop. So when I finally got home, I was happy for the chance to relax some.

Pulling open the door to my apartment, I set my bags down before sliding it back into place. Turning on the lights, I began to examine my new home, the one that I found soon after my arrival in Chicago especially since I wasn't going to say in St. Louis after what happened in Forks. It wasn't anything like the apartment I shared with Jake or where I grew up, but it was nice enough for me. The rooms were vast and open, and very modern in appearance, but it wasn't the reason I picked it out. It was close to Smith Publishing's Chicago office, and I didn't have to drive much, I hate driving in the city.

Throwing myself down on the sofa, I kicked off my shoes and pulled the blanket from the back of the seat. Pulling it around myself, I couldn't help but think about everything that has led up to this moment. Those moments after the wedding were now distant memories…

_BJ drove in complete silence and we quickly arrived at the house. Tumbling from the car, I climbed the front steps and went into the house. I could hear BJ calling from downstairs when I began to try to pull the ties from my wedding dress. As soon as I loosened the ties, it fell from my body and I quickly grabbed a pair of jeans from my floor along with a shirt. _

_As soon as I threw some of my clothes in one of my bags, I shut the door behind me. Something told me that this was the last time I would be here, and on some level it made me sad. _

"_Bella, be reasonable. This isn't the answer to your problems."_

_I didn't listen, I couldn't. Too much had happened that day. I picked up one of the old phone books that was located on my parents' old desk and quickly dialed the number for the airport. _

"_Yes, I need to fly out as soon as possible to St. Louis, Missouri."_

_It didn't take long to arrange for me to pick up a one way ticket to St. Louis, a place that I never wanted to see again after I retrieved my belongings. Snapping my phone shut I turned to see my friend looking at me with cool eyes._

"_Bella… don't do this," he begged._

_I quickly gathered up my books and computer, and set them beside my bag of clothes. I picked up a piece of paper and then began to write, and as I began to scribble down my note to my friend, I felt the tears begin to well again, and some even dropped upon the paper causing the ink to smear somewhat in places. As soon as I was finished though I turned to BJ and handed it to him._

"_Wait here for Edward to come. Give him this."_

"_How do you know…" he started._

"_I just know him. He will come."_

"_What about Jake?"_

"_I will deal with him later. I don't know what to say to him, at least not yet."_

So, that was how I made my exit from Forks. I arrived at the airport, retrieved my ticket and flew out on the first flight I could get to St. Louis. I arrived back in St. Louis a day before Jake did and that was where we finally had our conversation about the fact that we really didn't need to be together. It was really hard for the both of us. I knew how much he cared about me, loved me, but I didn't know how hard it would be to see the hurt in his eyes.

So much has happened to me, and now I just have to face the fact that things will never truly be the same again. I always wanted my life to be extraordinary and take myself places, but now… all I truly wanted was to be able to go back and do some of this mess over again, at least so that I didn't feel like I couldn't ever go home again.

**The Next Day…**

My back hurt, but I guess that was to expected since I fell asleep on the sofa in my clothes. Throwing the blanket on the back of the sofa, I climbed the spiral staircase to the loft, the steps squeaking as I went. Crossing the bedroom, I slipped into the shower. I had to hurry, I was running too far behind to care how sore I was in the first place.

I quickly washed my hair and got out of the shower. Toweling my hair dry I ran my fingers through it before I turned on the blow dryer and dried it quickly, examining it closely. I couldn't help but smile at myself. I still wasn't used to my new 'look.' Just after I got settled in, before I started my book tour, I went to a local hairdresser and had her change my hair. After about a few hours of work, my hair was a deep dark brown, almost black, along with brilliant red highlights, my hair draped in long curls. It was something different, and it helped me come to terms with this new life I was working toward.

After twisting my hair up into a clip, I dressed in my best white button up shirt along with a flowing black skirt and boots that Alice would have been proud to see me wear. Stepping carefully down the stairs, in hopes of not falling, I held my head high, because today was the day that I was going put my next novel into works.

Grabbing my briefcase, I slipped outside locking the door behind me. As I got on the elevator, I couldn't help but think about my new novel, though it is still in its baby stages, the one that spilt out of my soul in just weeks, one that still hurts when I think about it. So while I hailed a cab, I thought about everything. My parents, my family… friends, but mostly I thought about Edward. How big of a part he was in my life, how he had this ability to make me smile without thought, but mostly, I thought about how much I missed him.

"We're here lady."

Cab drivers are so rude.

I threw money up front, got out and rushed for the door to the office. When I reached the floor I was surprised to see BJ standing out front with the receptionist.

"BJ?"

"Hey, Bells."

"When did you get here? I didn't know you were traveling now."

"Yeah, Mr. C promoted me I guess you could say. I am now his only assistant. I get to do all the traveling, appointments… you name it I do it."

"That's awesome," I replied, not sure what to think. "Is Mr. Crane ready to see me?"

"Nope, he is in a meeting, but he will be done soon. He has been in there for an hour."

BJ barely got the words out when I heard Mr. Crane's door open and him laughing as he lead a tall brunette from his out of his office.

"I will be in touch with you soon, Mr. Crane. I am happy to be working with you."

"I will be in touch with you, Miss Swan."

"Kat?"

"Thank you, Mr. Crane… Bella, I didn't know you were going to be here."

I didn't know what to think when I saw Kat smiling back at me, I hadn't talked to her since the wedding, well, the almost wedding.

"I have a meeting with Mr. Crane about my new novel. What about you? I didn't know that you were going to be around."

"Well," she smiled coyly, "You are now looking at one of the new editors of the textbook department, specializing in history texts."

"Congratulations. I didn't know you were interested in working in publishing."

"Well, I wanted to do some research and get to write, which Mr. Crane said would be possible in the future, but I am going to be editing new textbooks for colleges. It works," she said with a smile.

"I guess so," I said, not really sure what I thought about the situation.

"I am leaving later this afternoon to go back to St. Louis, and I was wondering if you would be interested in having some brunch or something before I leave. I really want to talk to you about something."

"Yeah, but I'm not sure how long I will be in my meeting. I'll call you. Alright?"

"Yeah, sure Bells. I'll talk to you later. Good luck with the meeting," she said as she walked toward the elevator.

Sighing I stood there waiting while I saw BJ talking with the office's receptionist. As always, things were changing so fast that I was having some trouble keeping up with what was going on.

"Bella, Mr. C will see you now."

I smiled up at my friend as I walked past him and into Mr. Crane's office. Unlike his other offices, the Chicago office was his main office was definitely different. This office was filled with pictures of his children along with his many grandchildren. He appeared to be more at home here, surrounded by his life, unlike the many meetings I took with him in St. Louis.

"Have a seat, Bella."

I smiled as I sat in the black leather chair in front of him. Opening my briefcase I pulled out my hardcopy of the story as I watched him pull a file folder from the corner of his desk as he began to scan the pages again, noticing the notes that he obviously wrote as he read it.

"Bella, I am very impressed with this story. It has depth and heart. The story of two people that have this undeniable love is great, you developed the characters so well, it is almost like they can walk off the pages and be real people… but…"

"But what?" I interjected.

"Bella, this is a love story, that's obvious. The problem is how you ended it. You can't end something like this so tragically. The woman just can't leave the guy and the story end."

"It's supposed to be tragic. That even with so much love, it doesn't mean that it will all end with a happily ever after."

"I know authors hate it when people want to mess with their craft, but Bella you are better than this. I know what this is based on, but couldn't you give it the happy ending that it deserves. I mean, I know it might not be the real deal, but don't you think that your characters deserve that happy ending that we all crave at the end of the day?"

He just stared at me and I began to look down at the pages of my new novel, wondering if he was right. Why couldn't I let my characters have the ending that I would want for myself?

"I don't know. I just think that not all love ends perfectly, maybe my story is more real because it doesn't have that happily ever after moment like all love stories. Maybe I am going for the _Romeo and Juliet_ effect."

"I'll think about it, Bella, but I think you should write a different ending and then we will try to figure out which one is the best. Can you do that?" he asked.

"I guess," I sighed.

"I'll meet with you in about a week, alright?"

"Sure," I replied as I shook his hand before I left the room.

I couldn't help but feel sad as I left, knowing that I was going to have to write something that wasn't me, but was more for the company and for the bottom dollar.

"Bella?"

Looking up I met my friend's eyes, and I just frowned as I walked out toward the elevator. Stepping inside, I waved to BJ as the doors shut behind me. I didn't want to think about this, at least not now, so I figured I needed to find out what my cousin was wanting to talk to me about, so as soon as I stepped out of the elevator, I called my cousin and she asked me to meet me downtown at some restaurant. Not that it really mattered to me.

Walking down the street, I went down and got on the subway and went three stops before I got off and walked about a block to the restaurant. I could see Kat sitting just inside through the window, and I stepped inside without a word to the hostess, I crossed the room and sat down in front of my cousin.

"So how did your meeting go?"

"It sucked," I answered.

"I'm sorry to hear that," she mumbled, "What happened if you don't mind me asking."

"Mr. Crane thinks that I shouldn't write a novel that has romance in it that has such a tragic ending."

"You aren't a tragic writer though, Bella. I should know, I have read almost everything that you have written."

"Things change, Kat," I grumbled as I ordered a glass of water.

"The Bella I know isn't this bitter."

"I'm not really bitter, more annoyed than anything. I just wish people could see my vision, but that isn't way we are here, you had something to talk to me about," I replied with hopes of getting this conversation back on track.

"Yeah… about that. Bella, I know this is going to seem a little weird, but I wanted to talk to you about it before I did anything thing."

"You are being vague, I am starting to get a little worried, Kat. You are always to the point."

She was uncomfortable, I knew, but I couldn't figure out what would make her like this. She was like my sister, and was my best friend within our family.

"Bella, I don't really know how to say this, but to come out and say it…"

"Okay, Kat. What?"

"I like Jake. A lot. And I would like to have a chance to maybe tell him, but if it would be too weird, I would understand. I couldn't do anything to make you unhappy or uncomfortable…"

"Whoa, stop. Breathe, Kat," I said as I grabbed her hand that she had been waving around.

She paused and looked at me before I noticed the slight blush on her face. She really did like Jake, and it was funny how okay I was with that. I guess maybe it was because somewhere deep inside me, I always knew that Jake wasn't the person for me, but maybe, just maybe, my cousin was the right woman for him.

"Kat, its okay. I am not going to say anything if you want to see if Jake likes you too or anything like that. I think I was just so happy to have someone that actually paid attention to me when Jake came into my life, that I mistook it for love. Maybe it was infatuation, who knows, but it wasn't love. I know he cared about me a lot, and I guess I cared about him too, but not as I should have especially with me being in the position I was in."

"Are you sure? I mean, Bella… you were engaged to him you dated him for years. I figure it would be weird since you both had this relationship…" she trailed off.

"We didn't have that kind of relationship, and you know it, Kat."

She blushed as I looked back to meet her gaze. It wasn't like my cousin to be so shy, but it was nice to know that she finally had found someone that made her have those butterflies in her stomach. She was a good person and maybe Jacob was the person that would open her heart up and make her blissfully happy.

"So… you are okay with this?"

"Yes. I wish you luck. You both deserve to be happy, and I really think that maybe you could make each other happy."

The conversation turned to work and how Kat was going to be working out of the St. Louis office and that she was going to start working on some western civilization textbook series by some professor from California. We talked about my book and she said she understood how I felt about my story and how it ended, but she did suggest that I at least try to write another ending and then maybe, just maybe, that I would be able to formulate an ending that would be both satisfying for me and for the company.

After we ate a sandwich, I hugged my cousin before she got into her cab.

"I'll call you, Bells," she said smiling.

"I know. Have a safe trip home and good luck."

"Thanks."

She stepped inside and was gone within minutes and I was on my way home not long after she left. I went by my favorite bookstore on my way and bought a couple of new books to read, in the hopes that maybe I would be able to relax my mind enough to be able to write an alternate ending for my story. On the train ride back toward my neighborhood, I tried not to focus on anything, I just needed to put myself in this world of relaxation that would allow me to work freely on this ending.

Getting off a few blocks from home, I walked the rest of the way. The sun was still shining, and it wasn't too worried about walking alone, but at night that would be a different story. It only took me around twenty minutes to get back to my building and I was upstairs within a couple. Pulling open the door, I laid my stuff down on the island in the kitchen as I crossed the room to head upstairs to change clothes.

Pulling my hair into a ponytail, I pulled on a pair of pajamas, and headed back downstairs. As I walked by the couch, I clicked the lamp on the end table before I crossed the room to retrieve my book along with my glasses from my purse. Settling down, I turned the pages to the beginning of the book and began to let myself fall into the story, my eyes flying across the pages.

So when the knock came from the other side of the door, I was definitely startled. Sitting the book on the couch, I crossed the room to pull the door open and I almost stumbled back as I saw who had been standing just on the other side.

He turned around to meet my eyes. I couldn't actually describe how I was feeling in that moment, especially since he was so close, close enough that I could reach out and touch him, I could even smell the faint smell of his cologne.

"Edward…"

His eyes watched me. They moved slowly as they examined me, and in a few moments I realized that desire and lust was one of the things that was on his mind.

"Can I come in?"

Words weren't coming to me so I nodded as I stepped aside to let him in. It was really annoying that I couldn't say anything. It was Edward… I have known him forever, but still I couldn't speak, I was having trouble just forming coherent thoughts.

"You have a nice place here, Bella."

"Thanks," I finally stuttered out.

Watching him walk through my house I started to wonder what brought him here. He wouldn't have driven here, and I knew it was likely that he had to have flown… would he really get on a plane to come see me?

"What are you doing here?" I finally struggled to get out.

Turning around to meet my gaze, he walked toward me and finally took my hand to lead me over to the couch, moving my book to the coffee table with his free hand. The feel of his touch against my skin was like magic, but a magic that I really wasn't sure I wanted a part of.

"I needed to talk to you. I need to make you see…"

"See what?" I asked as I gently took my hand back from him.

He folded his hands in his lap and focused on them for a while before he brought his eyes back to look at me.

"I love you, Bella."

I dropped my eyes to focus on my own hands as they fidgeted, and I knew he was watching me. It was then that I felt his hand touch my chin to raise my face back to look at him.

"I bet you wonder how I could love you after I told you that I didn't feel that way about you."

I nodded again, not saying a word.

"Bella, I was a kid. I didn't know what love was and I had no idea how to react to something like a declaration of love from my best friend. I did what I thought was right at the moment, but after I saw how everyone was treating me, I knew that maybe I wasn't seeing something that was there, but at that point there wasn't anything I could do. We were going in two different directions, Bells. You had your life, and I had mine, but when you came back into my life I realized what I had been missing. The whole time I was with Tanya I realized that she was just someone that didn't know me but wanted what I could give her, and I honestly thought I deserved that."

"You thought you deserved to be treated like a dog?"

"Bella, we can't all be like you. You are this genuinely sweet person and you would do anything to help someone if you had the chance. I used women for years before I settled for Tanya. I didn't tell you about my relationships because they didn't mean anything to me, and why would I want to bring a line of women into my life that I knew weren't going to be staying in my life."

I let his words flood my thoughts as I tried to figure out what to do.

"So, here I am, years later, wanting… no, begging you to forgive me, Bella. You knew when we were eighteen that we had something special between us, but I wasn't ready for that. Now, after I have seen how happy my brother and sister are with their spouses, I realized I wanted that for myself and the only person that could make me that happy is you. When you told me you were going to marry Jake, I thought I was going to die, and even as I saw your relationship with him falling apart before my eyes, I hurt for you. I wanted nothing more than to hold you close and comfort you, to tell you that it would okay… that I wouldn't let anyone or anything hurt you ever again."

"Edward…"

"Don't say anything… just listen. I've hurt you. I know that, but I want to fix it. I want to make you happy and feel safe, and loved. You remember that night that Kat came to visit and that we sat outside on the porch and stared up at the stars?"

"I do."

"I thought of that the other night while I saw sitting outside myself, and I realized that maybe those poets we had to read about back in high school had something right. Love is something that could be compared to the heavens, written in the very stars above us. It's so vast and great, and it is something we should all be in awe of."

"I didn't know you were so philosophical," I replied with a smile.

"Maybe you have rubbed off on me. Maybe you have shown me that there is more to life than just the physical pleasures of life."

"I don't know, Edward. Maybe our time has passed… have you ever thought about that."

"I don't know, but I know one thing and that is that you are the only one for me Bella. There is no other woman that fascinates me, enrages me, and completely captivates my heart."

Sighing, I stood and walked across the room from him, but I knew his eyes were still on me. Still watching my every movement, examining me, trying to figure out what was going through my mind. Turning back to him I noticed that he was walking toward me and stopped just a few steps away from me.

"Bella, I can't keep putting my heart out there though. I know you are my destiny, but if you don't want me, then I am going to have to learn to deal with having a life without you. I can't just be your friend anymore. I want it all or nothing. So this is your choice Bella. Do you want to take a chance on something that I know would be great, or is this the end of our friendship?"

The words cut me deeply. Dropping my eyes, I thought. How could he put me on the spot like this? Why?

My eyes rose to meet his, those emeralds shined back at me like they always did, and mostly they were looking for their answers. Wanting to know if I wanted him…

How could it come to this? I did want a chance, but I wasn't ready, there was no way that I could handle this, not now. He was giving me the ultimatum of all ultimatums. I just wasn't ready for this…

His smiled turned to a frown as he noticed my uncertainty. I knew he was taking it as rejection but it wasn't, but I didn't have the heart to give him hope about something that even I was still unsure of.

He walked up to me and touched my cheek gently as I looked up to meet his eyes.

"I understand. I wish you all the happiness the world can give you," he whispered as he slowly leaned down and brushed his lips gently against mine.

I stood there in shock as he walked out of my apartment and heard the door click back into place.

Then my mind began to race. This was it. He was going and there was no chance of him coming back. No more friendship, no more anything. The tears began to stream down my face at the realization. No… I couldn't lose him. Not now, not after I knew what he felt. I had to try.

I ran from my apartment, running to the stairs as I tried to beat the elevator to the ground floor, wishing that maybe the powers that be would have mercy on me and let me fly on angel wings to reach him in time. When I slung open the door on the ground floor I saw the elevator standing open, empty. I ran for the doors and out onto the street, and I began to frantically search. The street was rather crowded for this time of night, and I couldn't see him, and it was then that I noticed a cab pulling away from the curb just a few feet from the door to my building…

He was gone. The one person that I wanted all my life, the man that had just declared his undying love for me, he had now walked out of my life… forever.

**The Next Morning**

"Bella. Bella, open up."

I could hear BJ calling to me from the other side of my door, and all I could do was sit on my couch with my legs drawn close to my chest, and cry. That is all that I had done since I'd finally gotten myself back upstairs. My phone had rung so many times that I lost count, but it didn't matter anymore.

"Bella if you don't open this door, I am going to use the spare key you gave me."

I didn't care. Whatever happened would happen.

The sound of the door clicking and then the sound of the door moving as I watched my friend step into the apartment, shutting the door behind him.

"Bella, what in the hell is wrong with you? I have been calling you since last night and you never answer me, and you are sobbing like crazy… what happened?"

He sat down on the couch as I continued to cry. He pulled my face out of my hands and forced me to look at him.

"What happened? Talk to me," his voice becoming frantic.

"Its over. It's all over. I have lost him," I sobbed uncontrollably.

"Who?"

"Edward," I said sniffling.

"What happened?"

I slowly told him everything that was said, and he watched me closely and held my hand as I started to sob hysterically at different parts.

"Bella, why do you think you are this upset? Is it because you have lost your friend or was it because you really wanted him too?"

"He's my friend, BJ…"

"No, Bella, he has always been more than that and you know it. If he didn't mean anything to you, you wouldn't have left him that letter before you left Forks, you wouldn't be crying like a fool over him if he wasn't more than just a friend."

Sniffling I reached for a tissue, blowing my nose, before I looked up at my friend.

"Bella… if you care this much about him, go after him. It isn't too late."

"Yeah it is. This was my chance."

"If I remember what you said right, I think he said this was his last effort… now I think its time that you put the effort out," he said smiling at me.

"What if he doesn't want me anymore?"

"What if the sky crashed down tomorrow and the world ends? You are better than these 'What if' questions. Get your rear in gear, and go after him."

"It's not that simple, BJ."

"It is as simple as you make it to be. Just make a choice. Do you want him? If you do, you get your stuff together and you get on the next plane to Seattle and head straight for Forks. Talk to him. Tell him that you were scared, that you do care about him. It is that simple."

He was right. The worst thing that could happen would be for him to tell me that it was too late and that he didn't want me anymore. It would also be a chance to see Alice and Rosalie again before I made my move permanent.

"So what is it going to be, Bella? Are you going to stay here and mope or are you going to go get your man?" he asked with a smile.

I couldn't help but smile and roll my eyes at his exuberance.

"That's my girl. Now, get a move on. Shower and I will call the airport and try to get you a ticket out of here for ya."

Standing, I climbed the stairs and found my way to the bathroom and started the shower to allow the water to warm to a nice temperature before I stepped in. Stripping from my clothes that were muddy and warn from my walk around my neighborhood the night before, I climbed in and let the scalding water wash away my wariness.

It didn't take me long to shower and I pulled out a new outfit I had bought. It was pretty simple, a pair of jeans with a tank along with a white button down shirt that was long enough that it appeared to be a dress if you didn't look too closely. My hair was somewhat a mess, but I ran my hands through the wet strands, fixing them as best I could with the time I had. Putting on one of my favorite pairs of boots, I headed downstairs to hear BJ ordering me some tickets.

"You are good to go. I ordered them through the company and they are waiting for you at Midway airport. I will drive you. Grab what you need and we will get out of here," he said as he snapped his cell phone shut.

Reaching for my purse, along with the new books that I bought, I followed behind him.

"No clothes?"

"If I am rejected, I am not going to be staying around to be sad about it."

"I see your point," chuckled my friend as he pulled my apartment door closed behind us.

**Hours Later…**

"_Ladies and gentlemen we will be landing soon, so please return your seats to the upright position and please buckle your seat belt for the landing and thank you for flying with us."_

I couldn't help but feel my heart starting to pound. I knew I shouldn't be too worried, what was going to happen was going to happen, but the thought that I was really too late. It was too much to handle.

The plane landed and I made my way through the airport to rent a car, lucky for me they had a nice truck, which was more to my liking… nothing too flashy, but comfortable for me. Getting behind the wheel I drove as quickly as I could from the city, through Forks, toward the outskirts, turning up the drive for the Cullen house. When the house came into view I couldn't help but feel those pesky butterflies again.

When I turned the truck off and began to step out, I noticed Esme walking from behind the house toward me. When she realized it was me, she sped up and wrapped me in a warm hug as soon as she reached me.

"Oh, Bella. I am so happy to see you. Come, let's talk," she exclaimed as she led me toward the porch.

We barely got seated before Esme went on and on about how happy Alice was going to be to see me, and that she and Carlisle were going to be taking a trip soon to some nice tropical island for a week or so.

"Enough about me though, what brings you by Bella?"

"I need to see Edward."

She looked at me a little strangely for a moment before she spoke. It was almost like she was contemplating something that she was unsure of revealing.

"Well, Bella… you won't find him around here much anymore since he doesn't live here."

"What?" I asked, rather confused.

"He moved not long after you left Forks. He still lives in town, he just thought it would be better to be out on his own instead of living here with me and his dad."

"So, where does he live? One of the apartments or…"

"No, he bought a house. He used some of his trust fund to buy it. Alice and Rose helped him do a few things to it, so he would be more comfortable there."

"Oh," I said trying to figure out where this house could be.

"You should go see him though, Bella. He would be happy to see you."

"I don't know about that, Esme. We kinda ended on some bad terms," I sighed.

"I know. He came by to talk to me when he got back," her voice was as gentle as ever.

"Oh… I bet he is angry with me then."

"No, he was just really sad."

"So where does he live at so I can try to go talk to him?" I asked really unsure if I really wanted to know.

"Well if you want to see him, you really should go home," she chuckled.

"What? Go home?"

That was a weird response, especially coming from Esme.

"Yes, Bella. Go home, you'll find him there."

_Go home? Hmm… what could that mean…?_

Then it clicked into place.

"You don't mean… literally go home, meaning home in Forks home… do you?"

She smiled as she stood and pulled me to my feet.

"Good luck Bella," she replied as she pulled me into a hug.

I watched her head in the house as I walked back toward the truck. Getting behind the wheel, I tried to calm myself before I turned the key and backed the truck out of the drive. Driving back toward Forks, I was really thinking that I must be crazy by this point.

It was when I turned down my old street that I held my breath, especially when I saw a motorcycle sitting in the front yard. I pulled up in the driveway and looked up the drive to see 'Christine' sitting just inside the garage doors too.

As I stepped out of the truck, I felt my legs starting to shake, looking around it was like I was in some form of the Twilight Zone, but I knew it was real. This was too much to take, but I knew I had to face him, and face him now.

Walking up steps, I paused just before the door for a second, with hopes of gaining a little courage, maybe a little faith, before I tried to speak to him. Taking a deep breath, I raised my hand to the door, and knocked. Turning away for a moment, I kept praying for something to give me strength, to make me brave so I didn't do something completely silly or even push Edward farther away from me.

The door clicked open, and I jerked myself back around to see Edward standing there in all his Edward glory, his normal attire, his emerald eyes, and the most kissable lips ever. His eyes told me he was surprised to see me standing at his front door, almost sad. Maybe this was a mistake.

"Bella…"

"Hi."

The grand speech that I had formulated while on the plane was now gone, and as I stared up into his eyes, I felt my knees getting weaker by the moment, my mouth getting dryer as well.

"I didn't expect to see you again, at least until Alice needed you for something," his voice was shakier than I remembered.

"I needed to talk to you," my own voice trembled as I spoke.

"Do you want to come in?"

I nodded, as he stepped aside to let me inside, and I was taken aback by how different it was inside this house now that he lived here, but at the same time, it reminded me of Edward's taste in things.

To say I was having an awkward moment would be an understatement, but I thought I was doing well to hold things together. He walked around the couch and toward the kitchen before he paused to look back at me. He was studying me closely, obviously wondering what I was thinking about being back in this house, a house that held so many memories for me. He then turned back and continued to walk into the kitchen, and I slowly followed behind him, at a slight distance.

I paused in the doorway, and I noticed him leaning over the sink for a moment before he turned around and leaned against the counter.

"So…" he started, "what do you need to talk to me about?"

"I…" I began to stutter before I paused for a second to gather my thoughts.

"Bella?"

I held my hand up to let him know I was thinking, and he must have been satisfied with my response.

"I don't know how to say this, but to be completely and totally to the point."

"I wouldn't expect anything less from you."

Taking a deep breath, I said a silent prayer, and began to tell him everything.

"I'm sorry for what happened when you came to Chicago. I'm sorry that I couldn't form a sentence at all when you told me that you cared about me, I am sorry that I let you think I didn't want what you wanted. Edward, you have been my best friend, my partner in crime, and the one person that I could always depend on when I was in trouble or needed help. It broke my heart when you brought Tanya home with you and I ran away like a scared little girl, and I guess I have been still acting that way for a while. I keep running from things but I'm tired of doing that."

"Bella…"

"No, let me finish. Edward, I have made a mess of us. I ended up settling for someone that I really didn't care for and now I have lost everything that has ever meant anything to me. I wanted you to know that I care about you too, and I am sorry that I was too late to tell you this and that I know you are done and I wish I could have figured this all out before now, but most of all I wanted you to know, that no matter what happens, I will always love you."

I didn't stand there any longer than to say that. I turned and walked through the house, pulling the door open, I was outside and on the steps when I felt a hand grasp at my wrist. Turning around I looked up to see Edward's eyes and him pulling me to his body, wrapping his strong arms around me. I didn't know what to think, to feel, this wasn't how it was supposed to happen. He was done… wasn't he?

"Do you really think I am going to let you go after you tell me that you love me?" he asked with the sexiest of smiles on his face.

"But… what about everything you said?"

"Bella, I was done trying to make you see what I knew was there, what you used to know. Oh, silly Bella."

It was then that he spun me around and kissed me. His lips were so warm, so tender, and I couldn't help myself, I kissed him back. When he finally pulled away, he leaned his head down and brushed his forehead against my own. The moment I finally looked up to meet his eyes, I saw what I had been missing. The sparkle within his eyes, the man that I saw all those years ago in high school, this was the man that I had wanted all my life, and now, he wanted me as well, and I was stunned.

"Are you going say anything, Jingle Bells, or you just going to stare at me?" he asked me with a chuckle.

"I don't know. I am wondering if this is real, actually."

"Baby, this is totally real. I should be the one questioning if this is real, because I was starting to worry that you wouldn't come."

I pushed him back and stared up at his smiling face.

"You thought I would come?"

"Of course, you over think everything and I knew in time you would come, I just had to wait for you, and I would have waited forever for you."

"So… where do we go from here… are we friends, what are we?"

"What do you want, Bella?"

What did I want? Did just want the friend, or was this the chance I had been waiting for all my life… maybe this was the beginning of my happily ever after.

"What do you want?"

"Well, I honestly, want to pick you up, take you inside, and spend hours just looking at you, because you are the most beautiful woman and I love you and I want you with me always."

"Now, that is romantic, I didn't know you had it in you."

"Just for you…" he said as he stroked the back of his hand against my face.

"I love you, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, and I want you forever."

I gasped as he swept me up into his arms and pulled me close. The mischief of our youth was back in his eyes, the joy that he felt was there too.

"Well, Isabella, I love you as well, and I will spend the rest of my time on earth with you and doing everything I can to make you happy. Now, can I take you inside and admire your beauty and maybe, ravish you with all the love that I have been waiting to give you?"

"Mr. Cullen, that sounds wonderful," I said as I leaned up to kiss the man that had both stolen and captured my heart and soul.

Walking up the steps, I watched him as he pushed the door open and took me inside, gently shutting the door behind us. The only thought I had was that I was home, in more ways that I could count, but mostly I was home with my heart, my Edward, and I had no intention of letting him go again.

* * *

Well Folks

I am sorry that it has taken me so long to get this up. I have had a lot of things going on in my life that has prevented me from working on my writing, plus I was having some minor writing issues with this chapter, even though I knew what was going to happen. So, I spent a lot of time reading, books actually. I recommend that you read the Sookie Stackhouse books, the Black Dagger Brotherhood, and the Dark Hunter series.

Also, I learned that one of my former students was shot and killed by a guy that was presumed to be her boyfriend. So I ask everyone to keep her family in your thoughts while they deal with the passing of their daughter, and her many friends that miss her greatly.

Finally… how many people have ever heard of an inland hurricane? Well I hadn't until one hit home. This past Friday, my hometown as well as many of the surrounding counties was hit, causing massive damage to the area. This caused us to loose power for days and so everything has been a little crazy. It is now starting to return to normal, somewhat…

I would like to thank my lovely friend, Red, for all her help with this chapter. You are the best BB, and I love ya. Also, to all my girls… pwtf, Halo, Birdee, Liz, Who, Dolle, ECyesplease, and everyone else that I know I am forgetting at the moment, but are not completely forgotten… thank you for being some of the best friends a girl can have. Also, I want to send my love to my Sweet Pea, my friend Steph, and my sister from another mother and another father, Heather.

Stay tuned folks… the epilogue is in the works as we speak and should be up soon… as well as the sequel.

EclipseoftheTwilightMoon


	44. Epilogue: Love Story

Twilight and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer and no copyright infringement is intended.

I want to think my girl, Birdee, for being my second pair of eyes in checking this over. I send her much love and thanks from the bottom of my heart. Thanks for keeping me amused and sane on most days. MWAH!

* * *

Epilogue Love Story Song: Love Story by Taylor Swift  
Reasoning: I personally think this is the perfect song to wrap things up for the time being… Enjoy.

* * *

Epilogue: Love Story

A Month Later...

"Who is he?"

"Who's he with?"

"He's hot."

As I was circling the room at the Smith Publishing's Annual Author Gala, I couldn't help but notice and overhear the women talking about the most dashing man in the room. He was standing across the room, never noticing the glances from the women who were dressed in their finest. He was too wrapped up in his conversation with BJ and Mr. Crane. He didn't know that he was the topic of every woman in the room, not that he would really care in the first place.

Most of the women never noticed me, even though I was one of the authors being honored, receiving an award for Up and Coming Author for my first novel. They were too worried about who that man was and who he was with. It didn't matter, because I knew who he was with, and it would blow their minds knowing who it was.

When his eyes rose to meet mine, I couldn't help but smile as he said his goodbyes and slowly began to walk toward me, never losing contact with my eyes. The women obviously thought they had finally captured his attention, but how wrong were they. He passed them without a glance and slowly came to a stop in front of me to lean forward and gently brush his lips against mine. Let's just say I was on the receiving end of many glares of death.

"Congratulations."

"Thank you," I smiled as he pulled me up into his arms.

I couldn't help but smile as the women glared at me. To them I was nothing, but to this man… I was his world and I was so happy to finally be here with him, especially after everything that we had been through to get here to this moment.

_**A few weeks earlier...**_

_As Edward carried me into the house, I felt at home for the first time since the moment I had lost Charlie, and that was something to be said. When he reached the sofa he laid me down before he laid himself gently over me._

_His hands gently traced the contours of my face, his touch so warm, I couldn't help but lean into his touch. I knew it was silly for me to feel embarrassed, but I knew I was since I could feel my face warming, and I knew it was turning a bright crimson color._

_"I keep asking myself if this is a dream," he said with a slight smile._

_"It's real... At least I hope this is."_

_I couldn't help myself. I had to look at him. This was the first time that I knew that I didn't have to look away from him to hide how I felt. I could look at him all I wanted because he was mine now, and as strange as it was to think, it was true. His eyes were bright with joy, and I knew mine were just as sparkly, but it was fine with me. I was finally getting a taste of true happiness._

_"I'm so happy you're home," he said, "Now we get this chance to be together and we can stay here..."_

_I couldn't let him go on like this because I knew there was too much to be said…_

_"Edward, I live in Chicago. I work there. I would have to get a transfer and everything, and that could take months to even get a transfer. I can't just pick up and leave right now. Not after all the work I have done to get to this point in my career."_

_I knew my words had to hurt him, but he had to know that I was telling him the truth. It wasn't like I was telling him I didn't want to be with him or anything like that._

_"So what's going to happen to us then," he asked with a sigh._

_Honestly, I didn't know. I didn't know how it would all turn out, this was all too new to me, and I just wanted this moment of happiness with him. It could be dealt with later at a different place and time._

_"Edward, can we think about this later? Let's just take it one day at a time and just enjoy this moment. Please…" I said as I stroked my finger slowly down his face, "We can talk about this tomorrow."_

_He smiled as he rolled himself so he was on the bottom before he pulled me against his chest._

_"Okay. We'll talk about it later," he replied with a smile._

_Sighing, I nuzzled my head down in his chest, breathing deeply, allowing myself to take in his very presence._

_"Bella?"_

_"Hmmm…"_

_"You want to know something?" he asked, lifting up enough that he could see my face._

_"What would that be, Edward?"Edward Cullen. More than you could ever imagine."_

_"Whatever happens after this point, I want it to always be with you. I have spent so much time without you I don't think I could handle being away from you anymore. If it will make you happy, I'll come to Chicago with you. My home is with you, and wherever you are, that is where I want to be."_

_Leaning forward, I kissed him, ever so gently before I pulled back again to look in his emerald eyes._

_"I love you,_

_"I think I do, since I know how much you mean to me."_

"Dance with me," he whispered as the song "Unchained Melody" began to play, along with bringing me back from my memory.

Taking my hand, he led me to the dance floor as he wrapped his arms around me.

"This is heaven," I said while he twirled me around the dance floor.

"I think maybe you have that right," he chuckled as he pulled me closer to him.

Leaning my head against his shoulder, we danced for hours. I never left his arms. I was happy where I was, and there wasn't any place in this world that I wanted to be than with him. I spent so long without him, so now I wanted nothing more than to stay with him. Maybe forever wasn't such a dream anymore…

**Back In Forks…**

Sitting on the back porch of Edward's house, I was curled up in one of the chairs along with my favorite new book… one about a band of brothers who were vampires. I could hear Edward walking through the house. He had spent hours in there, and I could have almost sworn he had been pacing back and forth for over an hour, but that was crazy. I just let him do what he needed while I was absorbed in the world of my book.

"Bella…"

Looking up over the rims of my glasses, I could tell something wasn't right, well… maybe not wrong, but off.

"What is it?"

"Nothing, I was just wondering if you wanted to go with me for a ride. I was thinking about taking the bike out for a while, and I thought that you would want to go."

Putting my book down on the table beside my chair, I stood and crossed the distance between us.

"Sure, just give me a few minutes."

He moved to let me pass through the house, and I climbed the stairs two at a time and ran in the bathroom to freshen up a little before I headed back downstairs to find him standing right in front of the door, motorcycle keys in hand.

Extending his hand to me, he led me down the front steps and out to the bike. After getting it off its kickstand, I climbed on behind him, wrapping my arms around him tightly. He glanced back to smile at me before the bike rumbled to life.

I had gotten used to riding with Edward, though. It was a different experience now that we were together. The feel of his warm body against me warmed my very heart and soul, the rumble of the engine beneath me was accelerating. It was perfect in my mind.

As we rode, the day began to turn to night and the stars started to shimmer above us, covering us in the splendor of the night. After a few hours, he slowed down out in a remote spot and finally came to a stop.

"I think we should stop here for a while," he said as he stepped off the bike and helped me off.

It didn't take me long to realize where we were, though. This place held so many memories for us. Dancing… our first kiss… this place would always be special to us.

With my hand wrapped in his, we walked out of sight of the road, and he sat down out amongst the grass, bringing me down beside him. Finally he settled himself and pulled me down to lay in the grass with him, my head against his chest.

The night was quiet, the sky so clear, I could have sworn that I could see every star in the sky. I relaxed as I listened to the sound of Edward's gentle breathing.

"You know maybe you were right…" started Edward.

"About?"

"About love being so great, like it was written in the stars…"

"What brought that up?" I asked out of curiosity.

"Nothing, it was something that I was thinking about though…"

I didn't say anything else. I just went back to staring up at the sky, watching the twinkling stars. I didn't know how long we stayed there or how long the silence was, but his next words caused my heart to jump.

"Marry me…"

Jumping up to bring myself to his eye level, I looked at him with utter terror. Maybe not terror, but it was startling…

"What?"

Taking my hand in his, he leaned forward to kiss me gently on my hand.

"Isabella… You were my playmate as a child, you were my friend when I needed you… a better one than most people could be, and now I see you as I should have seen you all those years ago. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever known and I can't stand the idea of waiting another day to put a ring on your finger," tracing my ring finger as he spoke, "and letting the world know that we love each other and that we are going to spend the rest of our lives being happy together. Isabella Swan, will you marry me?"

I could feel the tears welling in my eyes as he spoke, and the words he spoke were not famous like Shakespeare or even Jane Austen, but those words, in my mind, were the most beautiful, the most perfect words I had ever heard in my life.

I couldn't speak, so I leaned forward and my lips crashed into his, letting him know my answer. There was such passion in his kiss and mine as well. Everything that I had ever wanted was here. I had my career, and now I had the man that I had truly never thought I deserved. He loved me… and someday soon, I was going to be his wife.

He pulled back and smiled… "So the answer is yes, right?"

Pushing him playfully, I answered…

"Yes. There is no one else in the world that I would ever want more than you. I love you… so much."

Pulling me into his arms, I knew my dreams had been answered and there was much to come in our futures together.

The thing I didn't know was… the past has a way of coming back to haunt us all…

* * *

Well, everyone… we have reached the end of the road, at least for this part of the story. I promised a sequel and there is one in the works. I am still working out some of the kinks in it, which is why I was sort of putting off finishing _Written In The Stars_ for a bit. Plus, real life is kicking my butt so I haven't had a lot of free time on my hands.

Back to the sequel… it's a work in progress at this point. I am still working on trying to come up with the perfect title for it and trying to figure out how certain characters are going to be involved in this one. I don't want this sequel to be a let down from the good response that I have had for this story. So it may take me a bit to work on.

I would like to thank a few people along the way for their involvement in my life and writing…

Birdee… you really crack me up on a regular basis and I am proud to call you my soul sister.

pwtf… your randomness kills me at times and it keeps me amused. The two of us along with B are going to take over the world some day. LOL

Red Chevy… for those that don't know her, she is a true goddess. I give her much love for the many nights that we sat and chatted it up about writing and life. Thank you so much for being my friend. You are truly one of a kind.

To my other girls… Halo, Who, Liz, ECyesplease, and many others… it is your kind words of encouragement that have kept me rolling along with this one. I say this, I have been blessed to find you people and honored to call you friends. As I say with all my personal friends, you need me, I got your back. Enough said.

Finally… I want to thank my friend, Thomas, whom hasn't read this story yet, but has had such an influential part in this story. Many of you know, I modeled my Edward after him, and it is a true honor to have you as my best friend. We have traveled many roads together and I hope that we will continue to do so many years into the future.

Look for the sequel sometime soon. I am also going to take some time to work on my other story series, The Queen of the Stars, as well as organizing for a new all human. So I will be at work and hope to hear from you all in the future.

Sincerely Yours… EclipseoftheTwilightMoon


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